Original subtitles

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MORNING?

WORKING. I GOT EVERYTHING DONE EARLY.

SO WE COULD DO SOMETHING FUN THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU COULD WALK ME TO THE SOUP KITCHEN AT THE MISSION!

OR WE COULD STAY HOME AND I COULD PUT BUGS ON YOU.

SORRY, BUT THEY EXPECT ME THERE IN HALF AN HOUR.

LET'S DO SOMETHING AFTER. HOW LONG COULD IT TAKE?

THEN I'M GOING TO THE HOSPITAL.

I'M READING "VALLEY OF THE DOLLS"

TO THE CHILDREN'S WARD.

OKAY, IT WAS MY IDEA.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN YOU'RE SAVING THE WORLD?

I'M BORED.

A LOT OF PEOPLE DRINK WHEN THEY'RE ALONE.

SHAWN!

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN SO LONG!

AND I'M PREGNANT!

MORE SPECIFICALLY,

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN OVER A YEAR.

HEY, SHAWN, WOW!

COME IN, SIT DOWN.

I'M SORRY TO COME UNANNOUNCED.

I'M IN THE CITY FOR MY LAMAZE CLASS,

AND I HAD AN HOUR TO KILL.

I THOUGHT I'D SAY HI.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME SHAWN WAS MARRIED.

I'M NOT.

Say something!

UH, DO WE EVER GET TO MEET THE DAD?

HE DIED.

AT LEAST I HOPE HE DIED.

OH, WOW, SO YOU'RE ALL ALONE?

WHO'S YOUR LAMAZE PARTNER?

I DON'T HAVE ONE.

MAYBE THEY'LL PAIR YOU UP WITH SOMEONE WHEN YOU GET THERE.

I'M SURE THERE WILL BE GUYS THERE WITHOUT GIRLS.

LISTEN, SHARON, I KNOW I'M NOT YOUR FAVORITE PERSON

BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED WITH JOHNNY AND ME,

BUT I'M IN THIS ALL ALONE

AND I'VE GOT NO ONE ELSE TO TURN TO.

Oh.

HAVE YOU TRIED RELIGION?

ACTUALLY, I WAS LOOKING FOR A LAMAZE PARTNER.

OH.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M NOT REALLY DOING ANYTHING. I'LL HELP YOU.

IS THAT OKAY?

SHARON?

OH!

SURE!

IT'LL BE GOOD PRACTICE FOR WHEN WE HAVE A BABY.

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

CONGRATULATIONS.

SO THIS ISN'T A PROBLEM?

NO, IT MIGHT BE FUN.

AS LONG AS YOU DON'T DELIVER ON OUR WEDDING DAY.

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!

DO NOT WORRY. YOU ARE IN GOOD HANDS.

I ONCE HELPED MY DOG HAVE PUPPIES.

I EVEN STOPPED HER FROM EATING ONE.

OH, BOY, THAT'S FUNNY.

LOVE IS... FOLDING THE LAUNDRY TOGETHER.

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THOSE?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.

YOU KNOW WHAT LOVE IS?

LOVE IS SHARING THE SAME TASTE IN CARTOONS.

I KNOW!

MY BOYFRIEND CUTS THEM OUT FOR ME EVERY DAY.

LOVE IS... CHEATING ON YOUR BOYFRIEND!

OH?

STEALING TOILET PAPER? ICE.

IN SOME COUNTRIES, IF THEY CATCH YOU DOING THAT,

THEY'LL CUT OFF YOUR ASS.

EVERYBODY, FREEZE!

WE'VE HAD A ROBBERY!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

I SPENT TWO HOURS ON THAT FLOOR.

YOU DIDN'T DO A VERY GOOD JOB.

THERE'S A BUNCH OF MUD BEHIND ME.

GIVE ME THAT. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG ANYWAYS.

OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU NEED TO USE CIRCULAR MOTIONS.

IT'S FIGURE EIGHTS.

IT'S FIGURE EIGHTS, ALL RIGHT?

SEE? SEE, HUH?

HOW THE MOP, IT GLIDES ALONG ALL THE WHILE?

IT'S PICKING UP MORE MUD.

I JUST FIND INTERESTING THAT THE MOP IS LEADING.

THERE IS A RIGHT WAY AND A WRONG WAY TO DO THINGS.

THERE IS A PETE WAY AND THERE'S A MARTI WAY.

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU AGAIN.

GIVE IT! NO!

ALL RIGHT, QUIT FLIRTING AND GET SOME WORK DONE.

I'M NOT FLIRTING.

I'D RATHER FLIRT WITH YOU.

CAPTAIN, SIR.

SMOOTH, MOP BOY.

I GOTTA GO CHANGE.

WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

WOULD YOU PUT THAT SIGN IN THE OTHER ROOM?

SURE.

IT DOES LOOK A LITTLE HEAVY FOR YOU.

OWW!

ARE YOU OKAY?

YOU COULD'VE WARNED ME THAT THE FLOOR WAS WET.

YEAH, YOU SEE...

ILLITERACY IS THE SILENT KILLER.

I THINK I HURT MY SHOULDER.

OWW!

DID I MENTION I HURT MY SHOULDER?!

MEANING, PERHAPS, YOU SHOULDN'T TOUCH IT?!

MAYBE I SHOULD GET YOU TO A HOSPITAL.

NO, SOMEBODY HAS TO STAY HERE.

OUR CO-WORKERS AREN'T GONNA INJURE THEMSELVES.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

GREAT.

MAYBE SOMEDAY THEY'LL LET ME CLEAN UP AT THE MAYO CLINIC

HANG IN THERE.

YOU'LL BE BACK ON ROUNDS IN NO TIME.

AHA! TAKING GAUZE.

DO YOU HAVE A REQUISITION FOR THAT?

NO, I HAVE A BLEEDING PATIENT.

CONVENIENT.

HEY, BERG.

YES, GERM?

WHEN YOU AND DR. WALKER WERE GOING OUT,

DID YOU NOTICE ANYTHING MISSING IN THE MORNINGS?

OFTEN MY DIGNITY AND SENSE OF SELF-WORTH.

THIS ISN'T A GAME, MAN!

YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?!

I AM SO GLAD I GOT HIM THIS JOB.

EXCUSE ME?

HI.

HI.

I'M... I'M... I'M... I'M DOC... DOC... DOCTOR BERGEN...

DOCTOR... DOCTOR BERGEN... DOCTOR MICHAEL LESLIE BERG...

PEOPLE CALL ME "BABBLE."

YEAH, WHAT IS THE QUICKEST WAY OUT OF HERE?

FULL-BLOWN ANEURYSM.

SO, YOU'RE A DOCTOR?

I'M GUESSING YOU'RE PREPPING THE COUNTER FOR SURGERY?

NO, NO, I JUST DO THIS TO STAY HUMBLE.

IT KEEPS MY GOD COMPLEXIN CHECK.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT YOUR WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU.

LET'S SEE, YOU HURT YOUR ANKLE.

NO.

AH... SHOULDER!

LET'S SEE WHAT THEY'RE GIVING YOU FOR THAT SHOULDER THERE.

OH, YEAH. YEAH, JUST AS I SUSPECTED.

YOU SEE THAT?

THEY LEFT OUT "DINNER AND A MOVIE."

YOU MEAN LIKE A DATE?

WELL, I'M FLATTERED.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST MET YOU.

I JUST MET YOU AND I DON'T SEEM TO CARE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, YOU KNOW?

IT'LL BE FUN.

AH, WHAT THE HELL?

NO ONE ELSE IS ASKING ME OUT.

THAT'S THE WAY TO BUILD A MAN'S SELF-ESTEEM.

SHE DIDN'T EVEN CALL.

SHE DIDN'T EVEN CALL TO LET ME KNOW SHE WAS OKAY.

I'M NOT GONNA FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

SHE SLIPPED, SHE FELL, SO WHAT?

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE A LITTLE WATER ON THE FLOOR,

THEN MAYBE FIRE FIGHTING ISN'T FOR YOU.

HEY, HOW DOES THIS LOOK?

LIKE THE SUIT YOU WEAR ON EVERY DATE.

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA WEAR MY BREAKUP SUIT.

OOH! THAT'S HER, THAT'S HER!

CAN YOU GET THAT?

I DON'T WANNA COME OFF ANXIOUS.

MARTI?

DWEEB?

YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?

YEAH, THIS IS MARTI. I WORK WITH HER.

REMEMBER, I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT THE GIRL

WHO HURT HER SHOULDER AND WENT TO THE HOSPITAL

WHILE YOU WERE GETTING READY FOR YOUR DATE

WITH THE GIRL YOU MET AT THE HOSPITAL,

WHO I'M GUESSING HURT HER SHOULDER.

I BET IF I WERE PAYING ATTENTION,

I WOULD'VE PUT THAT TOGETHER.

HOW'S YOUR ARM? HOW'S YOUR ARM?

IT'S FINE... FINE.

LISTEN, COULD YOU WAIT FOR ME DOWN ON THE STOOP?

I LIKE TO... YOU KNOW, MAKE AN ENTRANCE.

YEAH, YEAH, SURE.

OKAY.

WHOA.

THIS IS WEIRDER THAN THAT NIGHT

WE BOTH RENTED "TANGO & CASH."

PETE, YOU KNOW, I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW.

IS THIS GONNA BE A PROBLEM?

NO, NOT FOR ME. YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH HER.

YEAH, BUT THIS IS FIREGIRL.

YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HER.

I'M ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HER BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND HER.

GO, DON'T BE CRAZY. HAVE A GOOD TIME.

LISTEN, I'M GONNA CANCEL.

I'M NOT A CHILD.

IF I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH HER, I'D GO OUT WITH HER.

ARE YOU SURE?

YES, I'M SURE. NOW GO!

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WENT.

WE'RE GOING TO NEED MORE URINAL CAKES FOR THE MEN'S ROOM.

BUT, SIR, I JUST REPLACED THEM THE OTHER DAY.

PETE, THESE MEN ARE FIREFIGHTERS.

THEY SEE A URINAL CAKE AS A CHALLENGE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GET RIGHT ON IT.

SORRY I'M LATE.

I TOLD YOU BEFORE, "LATE" DOESN'T CUT IT HERE!

IS THAT WHAT YOU'LL TELL PEOPLE WHO WATCHED THEIR HOUSE BURN?!

I THINK WHAT SHE MEANS

IS SORRY SHE'S LATE FROM GETTING BACK

FROM THE STORE, WHERE I SENT HER TO GET SOME PROVOLONE.

I LOVE PROVOLONE.

GOOD WORK, KID.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, DUNVILLE.

I'D LOVE TO, SIR.

WELL, THAT WAS SURPRISINGLY NICE OF YOU.

NEVER MIND THAT.

RUN ALONG AND GET SOME PROVOLONE!

WELL, THANKS.

I DIDN'T HEAR MY ALARM GO OFF.

I WAS OUT KIND OF LATE..

LAST NIGHT, WHEN I WENT OUT...

YOU KNOW, FOR DINNER.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.

WAS THAT LAST NIGHT?

AREN'T YOU GONNA ASK ME HOW IT WAS?

NO, I'VE HAD DINNER BEFORE.

I HAD A NICE TIME, BUT IF THIS IS GONNA BE

A PROBLEM FOR YOU, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

WHY WOULD IT BE A PROBLEM?

HE DIDN'T USE MY CREDIT CARD AGAIN, DID HE?

NO... BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, HE'S YOUR ROOMMATE,

AND IT COULD BE AWKWARD FOR, UH, YOU AND ME.

THERE IS NO "YOU AND ME."

THERE'S YOU, OVER THERE, AND THERE'S ME, RIGHT HERE... WAY

TOTALLY SEPARATE.

WELL, THEN, IF IT'SNOT BOTHER YOU... GONNA

GO OUT WITH HIM AGAIN. SEE IF I CARE.

I THINK I WILL!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GONNA CALL HIM.

NEED HIS NUMBER?

I'VE GOT IT!

FINE. CALL HIM!

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S GONNA CALL HIM.

VERY NICE.

NOW BREATHE WITH YOUR PARTNER.

REMEMBER, GENTLEMEN, THIS IS ALL ABOUT MOMMY NOW.

YOU DID THIS TO HER.

NOW HELP HER.

OH, VERY GOOD, YOU TWO... EXCELLENT BREATHING.

NONSMOKER.

HEY, GUYS!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE AT THE SOUP KITCHEN.

IT'S OKAY.

THEY THINK I'M GETTING CRACKERS.

OKAY, GENTLEMEN, LET MOMMY KNOW YOU'RE THERE FOR HER.

GENTLY RUB YOUR PARTNER'S BACK.

LIKE RUBBING'S GONNA HELP

WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO PASSA BASKETBALL.

VERY NICE, JOHNNY.

IT'S GREAT TO SEE SUCH AN ATTENTIVE HUSBAND.

NO, NO, NO HE'S MINE.

HE'S NOT MINE, BUT HE'S GONNA BE.

HE'S JUST GONNA HELP SHAWN DELIVER THIS BABY,

AND THEN BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, HE'S MINE AGAIN!

OKAY, BUT RIGHT NOW,

THIS IS A LAMAZE CLASS, NOT A BOBSLED RUN.

SO I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WAIT OUTSIDE.

OH, THAT'S OKAY. I'M GOOD.

UM, HONEY, WE WON'T BE MUCH LONGER.

WHY DON'T I MEET YOU AT HOME?

OH, OKAY.

BUT WHO ARE WE KIDDING?

YOU'RE ALL GETTING EPIDURALS.

OUT!

HEY, DR. WALKER, YOU FINISHED WITH THAT SODA?

YES, I GUESS SO.WHY?

THREE WORDS... "D. N. A."

THERE ARE FINGERPRINTS ALL OVER THIS CAN...

THAT WILL MATCH THE ONES ON THAT CABINET!

WHICH CABINET? THAT CABINET?

THE CABINET I GET MEDICAL SUPPLIES OUT OF EVERY DAY

AS PART OF MY JOB?

YEAH.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT I CAN HELP YOU WITH?

JUST ONE MORE THING I CAN'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

THE LICE?

NO.

CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT? I'M BUSY.

I THINK YOU DID IT. I JUST NEED THE PROOF.

I DID IT.

REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.

TOO BAD. I STILL THINK YOU DID IT.

I TOOK YOUR STUPID ROLL OF TOILET PAPER, OKAY?

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO GO TO THE STORE,

SO I REACHED IN AND TOOK IT.

HERE IS $10.

GO AND BUY YOURSELF 50 ROLLS OF TOILET PAPER.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY.

I'M JUST A LOWLY ORDERLY IN YOUR EYES,

BUT I'M IN CHARGE OF THAT CABINET.

AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT,

I TAKE A GREAT DEAL OF PRIDE IN MY JOB.

AND I KNOW EVERYONE AROUND HERE

LOVES TO HAVE A GOOD LAUGH AT THE GERM'S EXPENSE.

WHAT IF I WENT INTO SURGERY

AND JUST HELPED MYSELF TO A KIDNEY

BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO STOP AT THE KIDNEY PLACE?

THAT WOULDN'T BE VERY GOOD, WOULD IT?

NO.

NO, IT WOULDN'T, GERM.

I'M SORRY.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME?

WELL, WELL, WELL.

LOOK WHO'S HOME FROM PREGNANCY DATING SCHOOL.

SORRY, HONEY.

THEY ASKED SHAWN AND METO STAY LATE.

THEY TOOK OUR PICTURE FOR A POSTER.

OH, WELL, I'M NOT SURPRISED.

YOU TWO MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL COUPLE.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? YOU SAID IT WAS OKAY.

BECAUSE, JOHNNY, YOU PUT ME ON THE SPOT.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU HELP THE HOMELESS.

I FEEL THAT WAY WHEN I HELP SHAWN.

SEE, I DON'T WRAP MY LEGS AROUND HOMELESS PEOPLE

AND RUB THEIR BACKS.

SHARON, SOMEONE NEEDED ME.

NO ONE'S NEEDED ME AROUND HERE FOR A LONG TIME.

DON'T THINK THAT'S GONE UNNOTICED.

BESIDES, YOU'RE TOO BUSY SAVING THE WORLD

TO HAVE ANY TIME FOR ME.

IF IT'S NOT THE HOMELESS,

IT'S THE OLD FOLKS OR THE SPOTTED OWL OR TUNA.

DOLPHINS.

WHAT?

DOLPHINS... NOBODY'S TRYING TO SAVE THE TUNA!

WELL, WHATEVER IT IS, IT COMES BEFORE ME.

THIS IS HEALTHY.

I GET A LITTLE BUSY, AND YOU TRY TO PUNISH ME

WITH THE FIRST PREGNANT TRAMP THAT WALKS TO THE DOOR?!

THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES

FOR YOU TO GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY!

FACE IT, SHARON, WE ARE DRIFTING APART!

FRANKLY, I DON'T LIKE IT!

WELL, I DON'T LIKE WAITING UP TO YELL AT YOU

AND THEN HAVING YOU YELL AT ME, FRANKLY!

WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BED!

SLEEP IN THE OTHER ROOM.

GOOD!

GOOD NIGHT!

CAN'T HEAR YOU!

I HAD A GREAT TIME TONIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER CAUGHTA PUCK BEFORE.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME KEEP IT.

YOU WERE THE ONE WHO KNOCKED THE OLD LADY OUT OF THE WAY.

SO, YOU WANNA GRAB THAT DRINK?

YEAH, SURE... OH, WAIT.

PETE'S NOT IN THERE, IS HE?

NO, THEY WERE SHORT-HANDEDAT THE FIRE STATION.

ONE OF THE VOLUNTEERS HAD A HOT DATE.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO SAY, I LOVE HOCKEY, YOU KNOW?

IT'S SO MANLY AND RUGGED.

DID YOU EVER PLAY?

NO... WELL, SORT OF.

I USED TO FIGURE SKATE IN THE THIRD GRADE.

WHICH IS, UH, WHICH IS LIKE HOCKEY,

EXCEPT YOUR DAD'S LESS PROUD.

YOU KNOW... I'M HAVING A REALLY GOOD TIME.

WELL, THE NIGHT'S NOT OVER.

PAY NO ATTENTION TO ME.

PETE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I FORGOT MY COAT.

IT'S 75 DEGREES OUT.

IT'S A LIGHT COAT.

MAYBE I LEFT IT IN THE BEDROOM, BUT JUST PRETEND I'M NOT HERE.

UM... I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

NO, NO, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

HE'S JUST ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT.

HE IS SUCH A BABOON.

THAT'S WHY WE NEVER PHOTOGRAPH HIM FROM BEHIND.

I'M SORRY. LISTEN TO ME.

WHY DON'T WE DO WHAT HE SAYS AND PRETEND HE'S NOT HERE?

GOOD LUCK.

OKAY, FOUND MY COAT, BUT NOW...

LOST MY KEYS

I THINK I DROPPED THE MON THE FLOOR.

MOVE YOUR LEG.

AND AGAIN.

I'M NOT HERE.

THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I CAN'T DO THIS. I'M SORRY.

THERE THEY ARE.

THEY'RE IN MY OTHER POCKET. WHOOPS!

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK. OFF I GO!

HEY, PETE!

IF YOU LIKED HER,

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING

AND STOP WITH THE CHILDISH GAMES?

I'M NOT PLAYING ANY GAMES.

IF YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BEAT THE FIREHOUSE,

THEN WHY DO YOU SUDDENLY SHOW UP BACK HERE?

TO PRETEND TO GET MY COAT AND RUIN YOUR DATE.

I KNEW IT.

FUNNY... YOU KNEW THAT,

BUT YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH HER.

YOU TOLD ME TO GO OUT WITH HER.

YOU TOLD HER TO CALL ME.

WHERE IN THAT DO I GET, "BACK OFF"?

SINCE WHEN DO I HAVE TO SPELL THINGS OUT FOR YOU?

WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO GUESS?

WHEN I WANT SOMETHING, I SAY I WANT IT.

IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU SAID

YOU DIDN'T WANT THAT LAST DOUGHNUT, SO I ATE IT.

AND I WANTED THAT DOUGHNUT!

AND I WANTED THAT DOUGHNUT!

BUT YOU COULDN'T SAY IT!

YOU JUST LET IT SIT THERE FOR A WEEK AND A HALF.

EVENTUALLY, SOMEONE WAS GONNA EAT IT.

YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW WHO?

THE SLEAZEBALL WHO SHOVES HIS BEST FRIEND TO THE SIDE!

NO, ACTUALLY, IT'S THE ONE WHO'S MAN ENOUGH TO TAKE IT.

YOU KNEW I LIKED HER AND YOU WENT AFTER HER ANYWAY!

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT...

WHAT WOMAN, WHAT JOB, WHAT NOTHING.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, BUT YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET IT.

I'D LIKE A NEW ROOMMATE.

I WANT ONE, TOO.

FINE! I'M SLEEPING ON THE COUCH!

FINE!

WHICH IS JUST STUPID BECAUSE I HAVE MY OWN ROOM!