Original subtitles

HEY, BERG, CHECK OUT WHAT I GOT IN THE MAIL.

IT'S MY COMPANY BONUS.

PETE, I'M REALLY TIRED.

I'VE JUST COME OFF A DOUBLE SHIFT, AND...

I JUST DON'T CARE.

WHAT THE HELL?!

SOMEWHERE THERE'S A DANCING HIPPO

WITHOUT A COMPLETE COSTUME.

THIS IS THE THANKS I GET FOR BEING

THE TOP MASCARA SALESMAN AT EARTH GLOW?

IT'S PERFECT, ALL RIGHT?

THE WEATHERMAN SAID THAT LATER TODAY

IT WOULD BE RAINING... MEN!

HEY, GUYS, I VOLUNTEERED TO READ TO THE KIDS AT THE HOSPITAL,

SO CAN I BORROW YOUR COMIC-BOOK COLLECTION?

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

COME ON, SHAR,

YOU KNOW THOSE AREN'T INSURED FOR TRAVEL.

OKAY, I'LL JUST LOOK INTO THEIR SWEET, INNOCENT EYES

AND TELL THEM, "SORRY,

THERE ARE NO STORIES FOR STORY TIME TODAY."

ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

OH! OH! OH! I KNOW!

I'LL TELL THEM THE STORY OF THE TWO SELFISH LOSERS

ON THE CHOO-CHOO TRAIN TO HELL!

YOU KNOW, WE ARE NOT GOING TO HELL, OKAY?

I HEAL KIDS.

AND PETE? WELL... I AM NOT GOING TO HELL.

YOU GUYS ARE SO LUCKY, YOU KNOW?

YOU HELP PEOPLE.

I SELL STUPID MAKEUP TO STUPID-MAKEUP WEARERS.

HEY, I WEAR MAKEUP.

YOU HELP PEOPLE.

I HELP UGLY PEOPLE.

HELLO!

YOU ALWAYS COMPLAIN

A COUPLE OF MONTHS INTO EVERY NEW JOB YOU GET.

YOU ALWAYS DO THIS.

YOU KNOW, WE CAN'T ALL HAVE FULFILLING WORK.

YOU KNOW, THE WORLD NEEDS DRONES, TOO.

I AM NOT A DRONE!

I CAN HAVE FULFILLING WORK.

I'M GONNA GET A JOB

THAT'S MEANINGFUL AND THAT HELPS SOCIETY.

YOU GO, PINK-UMBRELLA MAN!

HEY, BERG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU JUST GOT OFF OF A 12-HOUR SHIFT.

PEOPLE DIE 24 HOURS A DAY, ASHLEY.

THAT'S THE HELL I LIVE WITH.

TIME MEANS NOTHING TO ME.

SO, YOU'RE NOT JUST DOING IT TO MAKE EVERYONE FORGET

YOUR DRUNKEN DISPLAY AT THE BACHELOR AUCTION.

THAT WAS 127 HOURS AGO. GET OVER IT.

HEY, PAGING DR. STOLI!

HELLO, GERM.

HEY, GUESS WHO I AM.

"HEY, DOES ANYONE WANT TO BID ON THIS GREEN APPLE?"

SO, HOW'D YOUR DATE GO

WITH THAT DUDE WHO BOUGHT YOU FOR 100 BONES, MAN?

I LIKE DAVE AS A FRIEND.

DR. BERGEN, I SEE YOU SIGNED UP FOR ANOTHER SHIFT.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET YOUR GREEN APPLE IN GEAR?

MAN, WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS BAD-MOUTHING HER?

SHE'S FUNNY.

HEY! THERE YOU ARE!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I JUST HAD A PHYSICAL.

SO I WAS WRONG.

YOU COULD PAY SOMEONE TO TOUCH YOU.

OH, OH, OH!

ASHLEY, UM...

YOU HAVE SOMETHING UGLY ON YOUR SHOULDERS.

WHAT WAS THE PHYSICAL FOR?

I'M FINALLY PUTTING MY LIFE TOGETHER.

I'VE DECIDED I'M GONNA PURSUE THE THING I WANTED TO DO

EVER SINCE I WAS A KID...

THE THING THAT I DREAMED ABOUT!

BERG, ASHLEY... I'M GONNA BE A FIREMAN.

PETE, THAT IS GREAT.

LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO TELL ME MORE,

BUT I'M LATE FOR ASTRONAUT SCHOOL.

PETE, YOU CAN'T JUST BE A FIREMAN.

THERE'S A CIVIL-SERVICE EXAM, AND IT REQUIRES TRAINING...

NOT TO MENTION AT LEAST SOME COURAGE.

ASHLEY, I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU. I ALREADY PASSED MY PHYSICAL,

AND I TALKED TO A GUY

ABOUT VOLUNTEERING AT THE FIRE STATION.

SO, NOW...

WE'RE ALL IN THE FAMILY OF SAVING LIVES.

AND THERE'S THE GARAGE WHERE WE KEEP THE FIRE ENGINES.

YES! YOU HAVE THE RED TRUCKS!

BECAUSE SOME TRUCKS ARE YELLOW NOW.

I DON'T LIKE THE YELLOW ONES.

PETE!

MEET BRUNO, JIMMY, AND MICK.

GUYS, THIS IS PETE'S FIRST DAY.

HEY-YA!

HEY.

AND THIS IS SCORCH.

OH, SCORCH! WHAT A GREAT NAME!

IT'S SO, UM... IRONIC.

YEAH, WE'RE ALL POETS.

UH... ARE YOU WEARING PERFUME, SON?

OH, NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S FROM MY DAY JOB. I WORK AT...

THE SAWMILL.

IT'S... IT'S DOWNWIND FROM THE ESTéE LAUDER... MILL.

A WORD OF ADVICE...

THESE GUYS ARE AWAY FROM THEIR WIVES A LOT.

WATCH YOUR BACK.

AND HERE'S WHERE WE STORE OUR EQUIPMENT.

AND HERE'S YOUR VERY OWN PEG.

IS THAT MY HELMET?

PRETTY EXCITING, ISN'T IT? TRY IT ON, SON.

JIMMY, GET THE CAMERA.

THANK YOU.

THAT NEVER GETS OLD!

YOU UNDERSTAND, RIGHT?

IT'S LIKE AN INITIATION. IT MEANS I'M ONE OF YOU GUYS.

YES, YOU ARE.

LOOK, SIR, I'M JUST SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.

AND MAYBE SOMEDAY SOON, I'LL BE SLIDING DOWN THAT POLE

AND RIDING ON THAT TRUCK WITH YOU GUYS.

WELL...

YOU CAN SLIDE DOWN THAT POLE RIGHT NOW.

REALLY?

ABSOLUTELY.

MEN, THIS IS PETE'S FIRST SLIDE INTO THE MOUTH OF FIRE,

HIS WELCOME TO THE RANKS OF HEROES AND LEGENDS.

LET HER RIP, PETE.

Pete: YES, SIR, IT'S LIKE...

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!

YES, SIR!!

WHO-O-O!

WHOO! YEAH!

WHAT?

COULD I DO IT AGAIN?

OH, IT'S GREAT. I LOVE READING TO THE KIDS.

THEIR EYES ARE JUST SO WIDE AND TRUSTING.

THAT'S THE DEMEROL.

VOLUNTEERING AT THE HOSPITAL

IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE.

I DON'T KNOW. MY LIFE JUST SEEMS SO FULL.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT, SHARON.

YOU SPEND EIGHT HOURS AT ADMISSIONS,

YOU ORGANIZE ALL OF THE HOSPITAL FUNDRAISERS,

THEN YOU READ TO THE KIDS IN THE CHILDREN'S WARD,

AND YOU'RE PLANNING YOUR OWN WEDDING.

OOH! THAT'S COMING UP, ISN'T IT?

LET ME GET THIS OUT OF YOUR WAY, DR. WALKER.

LET'S CLEAR SOME SPACE FOR MISS HOTTIE.

EXCUSE ME, WASN'T I MISS HOTTIE THIS MORNING?

OH, BOY. CATFIGHT OVER THE GERM.

GERM, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE WEARING A HAIRNET?

I AM.

IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO PULL MY HAIR THROUGH IT.

HEY... I HOPE YOU WIN. RRR!

MORNING, LOU.

MORNING, DR. BOURBON... I MEAN, BERGEN.

MY MISTAKE.

HEH HEH HEH. THAT'S FUNNY.

I JUST MOPPED OVER THERE, SO WATCH YOUR 12 STEPS, HUH?

OH, THAT'S HILARIOUS!

YOU MISSED A SPOT.

BERG, MAN, YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.

YOU REALLY GOT TO PRESENT YOURSELF BETTER.

OH, YOU DON'T LIKE THIS? I WAS GOING FOR THE GERM LOOK.

MAN, IT'S NOT A LOOK, ALL RIGHT?

GERM IS AN ATTITUDE.

BERG, YOU'RE EXHAUSTED. WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME?

NO, I AM NOT GOING HOME

UNTIL I WIN BACK THE RESPECT OF THE OTHER DOCTORS.

BERG, YOU CAN'T JUST EARN BACK THEIR RESPECT OVERNIGHT.

YOU WERE TANKED. IT COULD TAKE MONTHS.

I MEAN, EVEN THE GUYS IN DETOX ARE MAKING FUN OF YOU.

Johnny: HEY, SHARON!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU FORGOT TO SEND THE DEPOSIT FOR THE RECEPTION BAND,

SO THEY CANCELED.

BABY, I'D LOVE TO HELP YOU,

BUT I HAVE A MEETING IN 10 MINUTES.

WELL, THE CATERER ALSO CALLED.

HE SAID IF WE DON'T DECIDE ON SALMON TODAY,

WE'RE GONNA BE STUCK WITH SCROD.

SCROD'S A FUNNY WORD.

I'M PUNCHY.

HONEY, UM... I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN.

I'M SORRY, BUT I HAVE TO GO TO THIS MEETING...

SCROD!

I'M A MESS. I'M GOING HOME.

ATTENTION, EVERYONE! STOP EATING!

SEVERAL DOCTORS HAVE GOTTEN SICK,

AND WE'VE TRACED IT BACK TO THE CREAMED CORN.

WHAT?

I HAD SOME OF THE CREAMED CORN. WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO ME?

YOU'LL NEVER EAT IT AGAIN, I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

OKAY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE GONNA BE SHORT-HANDED,

SO I'M GONNA NEED EVERY AVAILABLE DOCTOR

TO WORK FOR AT LEAST THE NEXT 24 HOURS.

DR. PEEL, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

YOU GO HOME.

WHY? I DIDN'T EAT THE CREAMED CORN.

FORGET IT!

YOU'VE ALREADY PULLED TWO DOUBLE SHIFTS.

AND I'LL PULL TWO MORE.

IF NEED BE, I'LL WORK FROM NOW UNTIL THURSDAY.

TODAY'S THURSDAY.

DAMN IT! I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A CALENDAR!

YOU NEED ME.

ARE YOU SURE?

YES.

OKAY. YOU, DR. WALKER, TO E.R.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT. WHAT A BREAK!

DOCTORS EARN THEIR REPUTATION IN CRISES. LET'S GO.

BERG, IS THIS SERIOUS? AM I GONNA BE REALLY SICK?

I SURE HOPE SO, SWEETHEART.

OH, GOD! OH, I'M DYING.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

NOW YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SQUEEZE INTO THAT WEDDING DRESS.

REALLY?

YAY! Oh!

ALL RIGHT, PATIENT HOTTIE,

LET'S GET YOU IN THAT BACKLESS GOWN.

BERG!

DR. BERGEN, THE PATIENT IN THE CORNER HAS...

CHEST PAINS.

I KNOW. HIS HEART IS FINE. IT'S AN ANXIETY ATTACK.

I SANG HIM A LITTLE SONG AND TOLD HIM HE MATTERS.

GOOD.

GOT ROOM?

THERE ARE PATIENTS JAMMED UP AND DOWN THE HALLWAY.

I'M SO TIRED I CAN BARELY SEE STRAIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU KEEP GOING.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. IT'S LIKE I'M IN A ZONE.

EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNED AS A DOCTOR

IS FINALLY KICKING IN.

IT'S ALL NATURAL, REFLEXIVE...

I..AM... A HEALING MACHINE.

CHESTER, I'M OPEN!

OKAY, JUST TO CLARIFY...

WE DON'T GO ON THOSE WALKS FOR ME.

HOW'S IT GOING?

OH, IT'S GOING GREAT. I DID THE DISHES,

I MOPPED THE FLOOR, AND THE LAUNDRY'S DONE.

GOOD JOB.

SIR, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU...

WHEN AM I GONNA DO REAL FIREMEN STUFF?

BECAUSE SO FAR... MY MOTHER WAS A FIREMAN.

WE'RE FIREFIGHTERS.

NO, YOU'RE A FIREFIGHTER. I'M MR. BELVEDERE.

LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS JUST ISN'T WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR.

I WANTED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD.

I WANTED TO HELP PEOPLE.

NO. YOU SIGNED UP BECAUSE

YOU WANTED TO PUT ON YOUR BIG BOOTS

AND RIDE ON THE TRUCK

AND WAVE AT ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS.

WELL, THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

YOU'RE JUST A VOLUNTEER.

THOSE MEN ALL EARNED THE RIGHT TO LAY THEIR LIVES ON THE LINE,

BY DOING THE SAME DIRTY WORK

THAT YOU'RE DOING NOW.

SO IF YOU CAN'T TAKE IT, I CAN GET ANOTHER VOLUNTEER

WHO'S SEVEN YEARS YOUNGER AND DOESN'T BALL UP THE SOCKS!

IT KILLS THE ELASTIC.

COME ON, MEN!

OKAY, REMEMBER, GUYS, WHEN YOU COME BACK,

DIRTY CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER.

AND DON'T EAT ANYTHING! I'M MAKING SOMETHING!

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? I DON'T SEE THEM TAKING YOU.

COME ON, SCORCH!

"AND THEN CURIOUS GEORGE SHRUGGED AND SAID..."

Oh!

"'I'M NOT CURIOUS ANYMORE.'" THE END.

YAY! YAY! YAY!

BEN, IT'S YOUR TURN TO PICK A STORY.

THANK YOU.

"GREEN EGGS AND HAM"... Oh!

HEY, HOW YOU FEELING?

OH, BETTER.

'CAUSE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THESE FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS.

BABY, THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME. IT'S STORY TIME.

OH. WELL, I GOT A STORY. YOU WANT TO HEAR A SCARY STORY?

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS PRINCESS.

AND SHE WAS BETROTHED TO THE MOST PATIENT PRINCE

OF THEM ALL.

THEY WERE TO HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WEDDING

IN ALL THE REALM,

BUT THE PRINCESS FORGOT TO SEND IN THE DEPOSIT

FOR THE TRAVELING MINSTREL,

SO THEY BOOKED A BAR MITZVAH INSTEAD.

AHH!

BUT WHAT THE PRINCE DIDN'T KNOW IS THAT WITHIN HIM

RESIDES THE MAGICAL POWER OF FREE WILL.

AND WITH THIS POWER,

HE CAN MAKE DECISIONS ON HIS VERY OWN!

THE PRINCE WAS ALSO VERY WISE.

NOW, HE KNEW IF THE PRINCESS DIDN'T LIKE HIS DECISIONS,

SHE'D HAVE HIM BEHEADED.

LOOK, IF THE PRINCE EVER WANTS TO BE KING,

HE'S GONNA HAVE TO GROW UP!

AS KING, HE HAD THE PRINCESS

LOCKED IN A TOWER AND STRUCK MUTE.

SUCKS FOR HER.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT SUCKS. THIS STORY!

WELL, THE KING DIDN'T LISTEN TO THE MUTE PRINCESS ANYMORE

AND HE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THE END!

YAY! YAY! YAY!

BROUGHT SOME COFFEE.

GOD, MY THUMB IS KILLING ME

FROM GIVING SO MANY INJECTIONS.

YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW HOW JUNKIES DO IT.

OKAY, PEOPLE, THE CRISIS IS ALMOST OVER,

AND I WANT TO COMPLIMENT EVERYONE ON THEIR PERFORMANCE.

DR. BERGEN, EXCEPTIONAL WORK TONIGHT.

YOU SHOWED STRONG LEADERSHIP,

EXCELLENT DECISION-MAKING AND MEDICAL SKILLS

UNDER EXTREME PRESSURE.

YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD OF YOURSELF.

I FELT LIKE I OWED IT TO THE HOSPITAL

AFTER WHAT I DID AT THE AUCTION.

NO, NO, NO...

ANCIENT HISTORY, DR. BERGEN. YOU'RE A GOOD DOCTOR...

BAD DRUNK, BUT A GOOD DOCTOR.

THANK YOU.

NOW, GO HOME.

JUST AFTER I FINISH WITH THIS PATIENT.

IN THE FUTURE, ASHLEY,

YOUR CHILDREN WILL ASK WHAT HAPPENED ON THIS DAY,

AND YOU'LL SAY, "YES... HE WAS THAT GOOD."

HUH.

SO, IF I STUCK YOU WITH A PEN,

WOULD YOU WHIZ AROUND THE ROOM AND WIND UP IN THE CORNER?

HOW YOU DOING, MR. COOPER?

MR. COOPER?

MR. COOPER.

OH, MY GOD! HE'S GOING INTO SHOCK!

I PUT HIM ON A SALINE I.V. IT'S STANDARD PROCEDURE.

HE IS A DIABETIC!

I DIDN'T CHECK HIS CHART!

WE HAVE TO D-50... ROOM "F." LL TAKE HIM.

NO, NO, YOU WON'T.

I SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED MY INSTINCTS

AND SENT YOU HOME EARLIER.

NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE.

AAH! AAH! MMM.

MMM!

ALL RIGHT!

THESE MAKE GREAT OVEN MITTS.

HEY! HEY, BUDDY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WE JUST MOVED IN ACROSS THE STREET.

ARE YOU A FIREMAN?

AW, THAT'S CUTE.

I'M A FIREFIGHTER.

I WANT TO PLAY IN THE TRUCK.

OH. I'M SURE YOU DO.

I'M SURE YOU JUST WANT TO PUT ON YOUR BIG BOOTS

AND WAVE TO ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

THE OVEN'S ON FIRE.

WHAT?

AAH!!

GUESS WHAT?

I FOUGHT MY FIRST FIRE TODAY.

WHERE?

THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT, BERG.

THERE WAS SMOKE AND FLAMES EVERYWHERE.

AND WITHOUT A THOUGHT FOR MY OWN SAFETY,

I RESCUED A SMALL CHILD

FROM THE CLUTCHES OF THE RED LADY!

THAT'S WHAT WE FIREFIGHTERS CALL FIRE.

GOOD FOR YOU.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

I NEARLY KILLED A GUY TODAY, PETE.

WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I WAS JUST SO TIRED AND...

WAIT. HOLD ON.

HELLO? YEAH, HOLD ON.

It's Dr. Peel.

HEY, DR. PEEL, LISTEN, I'M REALLY... YEAH.

OH, GOOD!

O-OKAY.

I SEE.

I UNDERSTAND.

BYE.

WELL, WHAT DID SHE SAY?

GOOD NEWS...

THE PATIENT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S NOT GOOD NEWS. IT'S GREAT NEWS!

AND I'VE BEEN SUSPENDED FROM THE HOSPITAL.

THAT'S NOT GOOD NEWS. THAT'S JUST NOT GOOD NEWS.

NO, IT'S NOT.

CAN'T YOU APPEAL IT?

WHY? IT'S MY FAULT. I SCREWED UP.

YOU MADE A MISTAKE. IT HAPPENS.

NO, IT CAN'T... HAPPEN, OKAY?

A DOCTOR ISN'T SUPPOSED TO END LIVES.

A DOCTOR IS SUPPOSED TO SAVE LIVES.

DO FIREFIGHTERS START FIRES?

THAT'S A LIE!

OH! THANK GOD IT'S YOU. I THOUGHT IT WAS GERM.

NO, IT'S JUST YOUR PRINCE.

SORRY I STORMED OUT ON YOU EARLIER.

OH, THAT'S OKAY. YOU COULD HAVE DONE WORSE.

I THREW UP ON LITTLE JANIE.

I'M STARTING TO THINK THAT MAYBE

YOU'RE AVOIDING THE WEDDING PLANS

'CAUSE YOU WANT TO AVOID THE WEDDING.

NO!

I FEEL LIKE MAYBE YOU DON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE.

OH! OH, COME HERE.

LOOK, I'M SORRY I DUMPED ALL THIS ON YOU.

BUT YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF MARRYING ME.

SO, WE'LL HAVE SCROD.

AND WE'LL GET YOUR COUSIN ANDY AND HIS ACCORDION

TO PLAY AT THE WEDDING.

WHEN HE PUTS THE CYMBALS BETWEEN HIS KNEES,

HE SOUNDS LIKE A FULL BAND.

OKAY. SO... LET'S TALK MATCHBOOKS.

OH!

OKAY, THERE'S "SHARON AND JOHNNY,"

"SHARON AMPERSAND JOHNNY."

IT'S MY FAVORITE... "SHARON 'N JOHNNY."

OH!

I LOVE YOU.

SHARON?

HMM?

THERE'S A KID AT THE FOOT OF THE BED.

BEN... Go back to bed.

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