Original subtitles

OH, MY!

IS THIS CRAZY, OR WHAT?

HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE?

IT WAS HIDDEN.

I WAS DOWN IN THE BASEMENT CHANGING A FUSE.

I MOVED THIS BOOK, THE WHOLE WALL SWUNG OPEN.

"THE JOY OF ELDERLY SEX."

YOU'LL THANK ME ONE DAY.

WHOA! IT LOOKS LIKE NO ONE'S BEEN IN HERE FOR YEARS!

IT'D BE A PERFECT PLACE TO HAVE YOUR HAUNTED HOUSE.

WE ALWAYS HAVE IT AT PETE AND BERG'S.

I ALREADY RIGGED THE REFRIGERATOR TO SAY,

"GET... OUT!"

AND THE BATHROOM SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

HELP ME FIND A LIGHT SWITCH.

WHO DO YOU THINK ALL THIS STUFF BELONGS TO?

"PROPERTY OF ED."

NO, IT CAN'T BE!

WHAT? WHAT CAN'T BE?

MY GRANDPA USED TO TELL ME STORIES ABOUT A GUY NAMED ED.

W-WHO WAS ED?

ED WAS A PROMISING YOUNG NEUROSURGEON...

LIVED IN BOSTON SOME HUNDRED YEARS AGO.

STORY IS, HE SPENT EVERY NIGHT IN HIS LAB,

DOING... REALLY BAD STUFF.

YOU SUCK AT SCARY STORIES.

I'M NOT DONE.

ONE NIGHT, AN ANGRY MOB DESCENDED UPON ED'S LABORATORY,

DESTROYING ED'S WORK!

AAAH!

COOL.

LEGEND HAS IT, HE STILL WAITS...

NO, LURKS... NO, NO, NO, WAITS...

READY TO TAKE HIS BLOODY REVENGE!

OOOOH, THIS IS SCARY!

WHOA!

THIS PLACE IS AMAZING!

OF COURSE WE HAVE TO HAVE THE HAUNTED HOUSE HERE!

THE KIDS WILL BE TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE!

OH, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE SUCH A GREAT MOM.

BERG, MAYBE WE SHOULD

KEEP THE HAUNTED HOUSE UP HERE

I MEAN, THE BASEMENT MIGHT SCARE THE... THE KIDS.

THAT'S OKAY, PETEY,

YOU CAN SLEEP WITH ME AND ASHLEY TONIGHT.

HEY, GUYS. YOU GOT EVERYTHING?

BRAINS... EYEBALLS.

BERG, YOU WORK AT A HOSPITAL.

YOU COULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN REAL EYEBALLS?

I TRIED, BUT A BLIND KID BEAT ME TO THEM.

HEY.

HEY, BABY, HOW WAS THE HOSPITAL?

ECH! I WAS IN THE E.R. ALL DAY.

YOU'RE WORKING ON HALLOWEEN?

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY IN SALEM.

GEE...

IT'S NICE TO SEE MY SPELL TO TURN YOU INTO A WITLESS TURD

HAS TAKEN EFFECT.

WE GOT TO GET STARTED ON THE BLOOD PUNCH

BEFORE JOHNNY GETS BACK.

I STILL NEED TO FIGURE OUT MY COSTUME.

WHY DON'T YOU BORROW SOME OF PETE'S PANTS?

YOU CAN GO AS A KID WITH A RECENT GROWTH SPURT.

OR YOU COULD PUT ON ASHLEY'S PANTS

AND GO AS A REAL MAN.

HEY!

I'M SORRY, MAN. I WAS AIMING FOR HER.

WOW! LOOK AT THAT LIGHTNING!

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY...

ALL YEAR LONG YOU TELL KIDS,

"WHATEVER YOU DO,

DON'T TAKE CANDY FROM STRANGERS."

COME ON, ASHLEY, GET IN THE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT.

HALLOWEEN'S ABOUT COMING TOGETHER AS A COMMUNITY

TO SCARE THE HELL OUT OF 8-YEAR-OLDS

WHO PEE THEIR AQUAMAN COSTUMES.

SOMEONE JUMPED OUT AT ME.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS.

THERE IS NOTHING SCARY ABOUT HALLOWEEN.

WHY ARE YOU SO DOWN ON HALLOWEEN?

IS IT ALL THOSE LITTLE GIRLS DRESSING UP LIKE YOU?

IRENE! WHAT'S WRONG? WHY WERE YOU SCREAMING?

WAS I SCREAMING?

I MUST HAVE BEEN THINKING OUT LOUD.

OH, WELL.

TRICK OR TREAT! GUESS WHAT I AM!

A DANGER TO YOURSELF?

SOMEONE'S A HALLOWEENIE MEANIE!

I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE HAVING A HAUNTED HOUSE.

WE'RE SETTING IT UP IN THE BASEMENT, BUT IT'S NOT READY.

SO I'LL JUST HANG OUT HERE WITH THE WHOLE GANG!

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!

OH, OKAY!

TELL YOU WHAT...

I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO GO DOWN THERE

AND HAVE YOUR VERY OWN SNEAK PREVIEW.

YOU THINK THERE'S A MAN CRAZY ENOUGH FOR HER OUT THERE?

AFTER YOU.

WHAT, ARE YOU SCARED?

NO, I'M NOT SCARED!

SCARED... I-I'M JUST BEING POLITE.

REALLY?

YOU'RE... YOU'RE IN A DAMP...

GLOOMY... RAT-INFESTED BASEMENT

ON A DARK... STORMY... HALLOWEEN NIGHT.

YOU'RE NOT SCARED?

YOU SHOULD BE.

ASHLEY, IF YOU'RE HERE...

WHO'S RUNNING HELL?

Oh, God!

WOW, THIS IS INCREDIBLE!

I IMAGINE YOU WERE GROWN IN A LAB MUCH LIKE THIS.

BUT, UH, I THINK WE SHOULD GO BACK UPSTAIRS.

YOU'RE LIKE THE LITTLE SISTER I NEVER HAD.

OOH! LOOK!

A SKIL SAW WITH BLOOD ON IT.

SHARON'S SUCH A SICKO!

IT'S NOT A SKIL SAW... I-IT SAYS, UH, "SKULL SAW."

ARE YOU THE CATERER?

EEEH... WHAT WAS THAT?

MAYBE MRS. ABERNATHY'S LISTENING TO THE RADIO IN THE TUB AGAIN.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE ASHLEY GETTING INTO THE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT.

THAT WAS PETE.

WILL YOU PUT THAT DISGUSTING BOOK BACK?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I DON'T KNOW. ALL I REMEMBER...

MY VOICE... SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH MY VOICE.

WELL, YOU SOUND FINE.

YEAH. HOW'D YOU GUYS GET TIED UP IN THE CHAIR?

I DON'T KNOW. ASK THE WITCH YOU'RE DATING.

YOU ARE THE WITCHI'M DATING.

BERG, I HAVE A HEADACHE. LEAVE ME ALONE.

YO! ENDORA! TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND.

WOULD YOU PIPE DOWN, PETE? MY HEAD IS THROBBING.

AND MY VOICE SOUNDS ODD.

WHAT WAS... WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU REMEMBER?

WELL, YOU WERE BEING A BIG BABY, AND THEN WE CAME...

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

THE CATERER!

THE CATERER MUST HAVE SWITCHED OUR BRAINS!

VERY FUNNY, GUYS.

KEEP IT UP, AND WE'LL LEAVE YOU STRAPPED IN.

YOU SEE? YOU SEE? I TOLD YOU, ASHLEY!

I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT TO COME IN HERE, BUT NO!

"YOU'RE THE LITTLE SISTER I NEVER HAD."

NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!

HOW DID YOU GUYS GET STRAPPED IN THIS?

THE GUY WAS EASY,

BUT THE GIRL PUT UP QUITE A FIGHT.

SHARON, CREATE A DIVERSION WHILE I RUN.

WHO ARE YOU?

ED.

SEE? "ED."

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

I-I-I-I'M DOING IT FOR REVENGE!

BUT W-W-WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU.

OKAY... SO "REVENGE" IS THE WRONG WORD.

IS MY MOTIVATION SO IMPORTANT?

EWW!

WHAT'S THAT BLACK SPOT ON HER BRAIN?

SHE MUST HAVE SMOKED MARIJUANA ONCE.

DON'T DO DRUGS, KIDS!

WANNA SEE SOMETHING FUNNY?

THAT GETS ME EVERY TIME!

Ashley... WHAT?

Shh! Shh! Shh!

If you have a hairpin,

I think I can get us out of here.

My God, Pete, are you always this gassy?

I had broccoli.

I'VE DONE IT AGAIN!

I'M A GENIUS!

WHERE'S MY RING?

LUCKY TO RUN INTO YOU. JUYOU'RE A LIFESAVER..

I'M A PEOPLE PERSON.

YOU KNOW,

IF YOU'RE GOING TO FREEZE YOURSELF,

YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A LOT MORE DRY ICE THAN THAT.

NO, IT'S FOR THE PUNCH BOWL.

OH! THEN YOU'RE FINE!

SO, UM... WHAT DO YOU DO?

I-I DON'T THINK YOU'D BE INTERESTED.

IT'S KIND OF CEREBRAL.

I DON'T KNOW... I'M A PRETTY OPEN-MINDED PERSON.

WELL, MAYBE I COULD COME BACK LATER

TO PICK YOUR BRAIN.

LATER.

WHAT A NICE GUY.

HEY, GUYS! YOU DOWN HERE?

HEY... WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN'?

OH, JOHNNY, THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!

A MAD SCIENTIST SWITCHED ALL OUR BRAINS!

WITH WHAT?

WITH EACH OTHER'S! DUH! NOW GET US OUT OF HERE!

SHARON, IS THIS SOME KIND OF PRANK?

JOHNNY, HONEY? HONEY, JOHNNY?

I'M OVER HERE.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. PETE, HELP ME OUT.

OVER HERE.

HELLO-O-O-O!

AND I GUESS THAT WOULD MAKE YOU ASHLEY.

YES, I'M ASHLEY. WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!

TRICK-OR-TREATERS ARE ALREADY STARTING TO ARRIVE!

JOHNNY...

CAN'T YOU TELL THAT IT'S REALLY ME?

LOOK, YOU GUYS, IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA...

JOHNNY!

HONEY?

HI, BABY.

WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE.

AND TELL THEM WHAT?

"SOMEBODY SWAPPED OUR BRAINS"?

AND GET THAT STUPID LOOK OFF MY FACE!

AAH! AAH!

IT'S JUST ME! I CAN FIX EVERYTHING!

I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! YOU ARE SO GOOD WITH YOUR HANDS.

ALL RIGHT, THERE'S SHARON.

SHARON IS BERG.

YOU'RE PETE.

WHERE'S ASHLEY?

GUESS WHAT?

I JUST PEED STANDING UP.

OKAY! PROBLEM SOLVED!

THE PROBLEM IS NOT SOLVED!

I MEAN, LOOK AT ME!

I HAVE BREASTS! AND A THONG! AND...

AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

N-N-N-NO!

OKAY!

PETE, ASHLEY, IN THE KITCHEN!

SHARON, BERG, IN THE LIVING ROOM!

BERG, GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS!

WHAT?!

I KNEW I WAS GOOD-LOOKIN', BUT DAMN!

THAT MIRROR WAS MODEST!

PETE, WHAT'S WRONG?

I-I'M JUST SO UNCOMFORTABLE IN YOUR BODY!

I'M IRRITABLE... BLOATED.

OH, YEAH. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.

OH, MY GOD!

AND YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN NO MOOD

TO GO TO WORK ON MONDAY.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! MY NEW JOB!

AND MY BOSS IS SUCH A DOG,

AND WITH MY LUCK HE'LL HAVE BAD TASTE.

PUT A CORK IN IT. I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS.

YOU SHOULD BUY SOME BOXERS, OR YOU'RE NEVER GONNA HAVE KIDS.

OOPS! LOOK! A BRUISE!

STOP THAT.

I KNOW SOMEBODY WHO'S NOT GOIN' TO THE BEACH THIS SUMMER!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! RELAX! RELAX!

LET'S CALM DOWN!

I JUST GOTTA THINK! I GOTTA THINK!

YOU KNOW, I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING.

WHAT?

I HAVE, LIKE, THE BEST COSTUME EVER!

Sharon: BERG? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I WANT TO TRY IT OUT!

I'LL STOP BY THE WOMEN'S GYM FOR A LITTLE STEAM-BATH SOCIAL.

FOR ONCE, I CAN SIT IN A ROOMFUL OF NAKED BABES

WITHOUT REROUTIN' THE OL' BLOOD SUPPLY!

JOHNNY, STOP ME! I'LL GET A REPUTATION!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

OH, MY GOD! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!

WHAT IF WE NEVER GET OUT OF THESE BODIES?!

WHAT IF WE ARE TRAPPED THIS WAY FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES?!

DAMN YOUR BODY! IT CAN'T CRY!

JOHNNY? HONEY, I'M SCARED.

WHOA, WHOA! THERE, THERE!

JUST, UH, WALK IT OFF.

JOHNNY!

BE SWEET TO ME!

JOHNNY, SHE'S SCARED. SHE NEEDS YOU.

GO TO HER.

I-I NEED A BEER.

OH, YEAH. THAT'LL FIX EVERYTHING.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

DO YOU LOVE ME FOR MY MIND, OR IS IT...

THE WAY I LOOK?

WELL, OF COURSE, I LOVE YOU FOR YOUR...

JOHNNY!

AAH! YOUR MIND! YOUR MIND!

ATTABOY!

'CAUSE THERE WASWAY NO

YOU WERE GETTIN' A PIECE OF THIS!

YOU KNOW, JOHNNY, IF YOU REALLY LOVED HER...

YOU'D KISS HER.

ARE YOU HELPING?!

CAN'T A GIRL HAVE A LITTLE FUN?

THAT'S OKAY, BABY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO KISS ME.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

AAAH!

THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK!

WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO SWITCH YOUR BRAINS BACK

USING THAT CONTRAPTION!

BUT WHAT IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG?

THAT'S A CHANCE I'M WILLING TO TAKE.

ATTACH THESE THINGIES TO THAT THINGY...

THESE THINGIES TO THAT THINGY...

AND ATTACH THIS DOODAD RIGHT HERE...

AND THEN, UH... THROW THIS SWITCH.

OR THIS SWITCH.

OH, WHAT THE HELL. IT'S PETE AND ASHLEY.

YOU GUYS OKAY? DID IT WORK?

WAIT A MINUTE... I CAN'T TELL!

OKAY, OKAY. TIME TO HIT BERG AND SHARON.

JUST HURRY UP BEFORE THAT CRAZY GUY COMES BACK.

SHARON, HONEY, SWEETIE?

I'M GONNA PUT YOUR BRAIN RIGHT THERE.

NOW I'LL TAKE BERG'S BRAIN...

DO IT AGAIN.

DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!

OKAY, STOP.

COULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND HERE? MY HANDS ARE FULL.

YEAH, YEAH.

SHARON! SHARON! COME ON!

UPSY-DAISY!

A SEVERED HEAD IS NO REASON NOT TO BE A LADY!

IS THE CEREBRAL CORTEX LINING UP WITH THE SPINAL COLUMN?

SURE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

HEY, I PUT YOUR BOOKSHELF TOGETHER, DIDN'T I?

JOHNNY! THE CRAZY GUY! STAY AWAY FROM US!

YOU'RE BRAIN-SWITCHING ED?!

THAT'S ME!

OF COURSE, I DO OTHER THINGS,

BUT I'M PRETTY MUCH FOCUSED ON THAT RIGHT NOW.

REMEMBER YOU PROMISED I COULD PICK YOUR BRAIN?

WHAT THE... HA HA!

YAAA!

WH-O-O-O-A!

PETE! THROW THAT SWITCH!

A-A-A-AH!

YOU GUYS DID IT! YOU ELECTROCUTED HIM!

THANK GOD!

ANY CALLS WHILE I WAS OUT?

AAAH! AAAH! AAAH!

WE KILLED YOU!

ACTUALLY, WRONG SWITCH.

HE JUST TURNED ON MY NIGHT LIGHT.

IT CAN GET SPOOKY DOWN HERE.

OKAY! HOW ABOUT THIS SWITCH?

OHHH, YEAH!

THAT'S THE ONE!

Johnny: WATCH OUT!!

WELL, I GUESS I WON'T BE GETTING THAT BARRETTE BACK.

LET'S JUST WAITYS, YOU WANNA GO FOR SHARON TO GET BACK. TO EAT?

GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU, JOHNNY. YOU DID A GREAT JOB.

YEAH, IT'S GREAT HAVING EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL.

HEY, SHARON.

HI, GUYS!

HEY.

OOH! SHARON, YOU NEED TO SHAVE.

I JUST DID!

APPARENTLY, I'M PART GREEK.

I GUESS YOU DO REALLY LOVE ME FORMY MIND.

YEAH.

OOH-HOO! YOU'RE SO STRONG!