Original subtitles

THIS IS OUR EMPLOYMENT AGENCY'S FINEST HOUR.

LAST QUARTER WE FOUND JOBS FOR 97% OF OUR CLIENTS.

WHOO-HOO! WHOO!

THE 3% ON WELFARE ARE DUNVILLE'S.

WHOO.

YOU'RE SAND IN OUR POCKETS, DUNVILLE.

HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO WELL

IF YOU DON'T EVER GIVE ME ANY GOOD JOB LEADS?

GOOD QUESTION.

I'LL THINK ABOUT THAT WHILE THE REST OF US CELEBRATE

AT OUR CHAMPAGNE BRUNCH. COME ON, WINNERS!

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU GIVE ME A DECENT JOB LEAD,

AND I GUARANTEE I'LL BE THE ONE TO FILL IT.

Man: DON'T DO IT!

YEAH? YEAH.

YOU THINK YOU'RE READY TO PLAY WITH THE BIG DOGS?

ALL RIGHT.

HERE'S YOUR LEAD.

VICE-PRESIDENT OF SALES FOR WORLD GLOW COSMETICS.

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. YOU WON'T REGRET THIS.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I WON'T, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T

FILL THIS POSITION BY 5:00, YOU'RE FIRED.

ACTUALLY, CAN I HAVE UNTIL 5:20?

BECAUSE I CAME IN LATE TODAY.

HEY, BERG.

HEY. THEY HAD ME FILLING IODINE BOTTLES ALL DAY.

BUT STILL, IT'S BETTER

THAN WHAT THEY HAD ME EMPTY YESTERDAY.

THAT'S NICE.

WELL, THANKS A LOT FOR STOPPING BY.

YOU'RE WELCOME. BY THE WAY, YOU LOOK GREAT.

SO DO YOU.

WELL, IF NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO SAY IT, I WILL.

I LOOK FANTASTIC.

UM, BRANDON, THIS IS BERG, MY BOYFRIEND.

HI. HI.

AND, BERG, THIS IS BRANDON, MY EX-HUSBAND.

BERG!

OW!

SO, YOU'RE... YOU'RE THE EX-HUSBAND

SHE NEVER TALKS ABOUT.

IT'S NICE TO FINALLY PUT A FACE

TO THE HOLES IN THE WEDDING PICTURES.

OKAY, BERG, BEFORE YOU TWO START GETTING CHUMMY,

JUST REMEMBER, I'VE SEEN YOU BOTH NAKED.

I SHOULD BE GOING ANYWAY. BERG, PLEASURE MEETING YOU.

I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT.

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

OH, HE JUST WANTED ME TO SIGN SOME PAPERS.

WE SOLD OUR CABIN.

CABIN? YOU HAD A CABIN?

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD A CABIN?

WELL, I WAS WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME.

BERG, I HAD A CABIN.

YOU PROBABLY HAVE A LOT OF OTHER QUESTIONS,

SO I GOT TO GO.

WAIT UP. HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

LOOK, YOU ALWAYS KEEP THINGS FROM ME.

I'D LIKE TO KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT BRANDON.

WE GOT MARRIED AND WE BOUGHT A CABIN,

AND WE GOT DIVORCED AND WE SOLD IT.

I'VE BEEN APPROACHED ABOUT MAKING IT INTO A MINISERIES.

STARRING ASHLEY WALKER

IN "THE WINDS OF ANNOYANCE."

Hey, Berg.

BERG, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

IT'S IMPORTANT.

UH, WELL... WHAT'S GOING ON?

ARE WE GOING TO VOTE?

I SAW WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU SPILLED ON ASHLEY.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

OH, NO, LISTEN, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

SHE'LL COVER IT UP WITH BLOOD OR SOMETHING.

BERG, IGNORING IT WON'T MAKE IT GO AWAY.

MAKE WHAT GO AWAY?

YOU CAN TELL ME.

I'M NOT GOING TO THINK YOU'RE CRAZY.

HOW ABOUT YOU TELL ME,

AND I WON'T THINK YOU'RE CRAZY?

SHE BEATS YOU, DOESN'T SHE?

WHAT?

IT'S OKAY, I'VE BEEN THERE.

SHE BEAT ME, TOO. IT BROKE UP OUR MARRIAGE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

AT FIRST I WAS ATTRACTED TO HER ROUGHNESS,

AND THEN IT JUST, UH, IT GOT OUT OF HAND.

WELL, YOU SEE THIS? ASHLEY PUSHED ME

DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

SHE TOLD ME TO TELL EVERYONE I RAN INTO A DOOR.

WELL, THIS HAS BEEN NICE. THANK YOU.

UM, I'M SORRY THAT YOU HAVE TO GO.

YOU'RE NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT IT.

WHEN YOU ARE, GIVE ME A CALL.

OKAY. DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE FACE

ON THE WAY OUT.

HEY. READY FOR LUNCH?

YEAH.

HI, JOHNNY.

HI, EVELYN.

MIND IF WE STOP FOR SOME POISON?

THE GUYS HAVE A RAT IN THEIR APARTMENT,

AND I CAN'T STAND THE SCREAMING.

WE'RE A CHEMICAL COMPANY. WE MAKE A TERRIFIC RAT POISON.

YOU DO?

WE DISCOVERED IT BY ACCIDENT.

WE THOUGHT WE WERE MAKING DOG SHAMPOO.

SHARON, I JUST READ THIS REPORT YOU TURNED IN.

IT'S THOROUGHLY MISLEADING.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S A GRAIN OF TRUTH IN THERE.

NICELY DONE.

IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

DID YOU KNOW THAT THIS WOMAN CAN TAKE

ANY SET OF DAMAGING FACTS AND TWIST AND MOLD THEM

INTO A WONDERFUL WEB OF HALF-TRUTHS?

YEAH, THAT WAS HER TALENT IN THE MISS GEORGIA PAGEANT.

HERE. WE'RE HAVING A PROBLEM WITH OUR PLANT

IN THE ANTARCTIC.

EVIDENTLY PENGUINS ONLY SURVIVE

AT CERTAIN TEMPERATURES.

DO YOUR MAGIC.

YOU GOT IT, SIR.

SO, UH, WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR LUNCH?

I DON'T CARE,

AS LONG AS THEY'RE NOT WEARING TUXEDOS.

SHARON!

YOU GOT TO GO. HEY, JOHNNY.

WHERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I GOT YOU AN INTERVIEW.

Shh. Pete, I work here.

I KNOW WHO YOU GET JOBS FOR.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE WEARING A HAIRNET.

NO, NO. SHARON, COME ON, THIS IS LEGIT...

VICE-PRESIDENT OF SALES FOR WORLD GLOW COSMETICS.

THEY'RE LOOKING FOR A SMART, EXPERIENCED,

ARTICULATE EXECUTIVE, AND I CONSIDER YOU

MY ONE AND ONLY CHOICE FOR THIS JOB.

PETE, THAT IS SO SWEET, BUT I JUST CAN'T...

COME ON, SHARON, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I KNOW.

I'VE BEEN HERE SO LONG.

I'VE WORKED SO HARD TO GET WHERE I AM.

IT'S JUST AN INTERVIEW, 20 MINUTES.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PREPARE.

YOU'LL BE GREAT.

JUST DO THAT THING WHERE YOU LIE.

YOU HATE THIS JOB. IT MAKES YOU FEEL TERRIBLE.

AND BESIDES, I'M STARTING TO FALL FOR EVELYN.

BE SWEET TO ME!

OH, HEY, BABY, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE

THE CRAZY CONVERSATION I JUST HAD.

ONE SECOND.

WHAT'S UP?

OH, GOD. THIS STUPID MACHINE TOOK MY CHANGE.

OH, I HAVE CHANGE.

KEEP IT.

SOMETIMES A GOOD BEATING IS ALL IT UNDERSTANDS.

OKAY, SWEETIE, WHAT IS IT YOU WANTED TO TELL ME?

THURSDAY'S TETRAZZINI DAY IN THE CAFETERIA.

PETE.

SHARON, HOW'D IT GO?

WELL, I'M AFRAID NOT TOO WELL.

OH.

FOR THE OTHER PEOPLE! I NAILED IT!

OH, YES, YES! THANK GOD.

ARE YOU SURE THEY LIKED YOU?

THERE WERE SO MANY SMILES, I THOUGHT I WAS

IN A PRODUCTION OF "UP WITH SHARON."

THANK YOU, SHARON. YOU SAVED ME.

NO, YOU SAVED ME.

I COULD HAVE BEEN STUCK IN THAT JOB

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

HOW IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME

THE STRENGTH TO DO WHAT I'M AFRAID TO DO?

'CAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

AND I WAS DESPERATE TO KEEP MY JOB.

CALL ME WHEN YOU HEAR.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

AHEM.

AHEM.

WELL, HEY.

HEY, WHAT'S THIS NEXT TO PETE DUNVILLE'S NAME?

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.

IT LOOKS LIKE A HEAD.

SO, MAKING PROGRESS ON THE WORLD GLOW ACCOUNT?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I AM.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU'RE NOT.

I JUST SPOKE WITH THEM.

THEY HATED THE WOMAN YOU SUBMITTED.

WHAT? SHE SAID THEY SMILED AT HER.

I SMILE AT YOU. WHAT'S THAT WORTH?

SHE DIDN'T HAVE PROPER TIME TO PREPARE.

MAYBE IF I WENT DOWN THERE AND TALKED TO THEM.

IT'S THE NATURE OF JOB PLACEMENT.

SOMETIMES THINGS JUST DON'T WORK OUT.

FOR EXAMPLE, YOU.

YOU'RE FIRED.

WAIT. YOU SAID I HAD UNTIL THE END OF THE DAY.

OH, I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT.

COME BACK IN TWO HOURS, AND I'LL FIRE YOU THEN.

SHIRLEY, WRITE THAT DOWN...

5:00 MEETING WITH THE BOSS.

THANK YOU FOR SEEING ME ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE BIGGEST MISTAKE

YOU ALMOST MADE.

SHARON CARTER STARTED OUT IN A SMALL TOWN

CALLED HOPE.

HEY, BERG, CAREFUL GOING INTO YOUR APARTMENT.

I JUST FED YOUR RAT SOME POISON.

DID IT HAVE AN EFFECT?

YEAH. HE'S GOT A NICE, SHINY COAT,

AND HE'S MAD AS HELL.

WHOA. SO I CAN'T GO IN MY APARTMENT?

OF COURSE YOU CAN. JUST DON'T FALL ASLEEP.

HEY, JOHNNY, LISTEN,

HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION.

LET'S SAY THIS GUY IS DATING THIS GIRL.

NO, NO, IT'S A GIRL DATING A GUY.

AND HIS EX-HUSBAND TELLS HIM...

I MEAN, SHE TELLS HER... IT SHOULD BE A HE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW IT.

ASHLEY'S EX-HUSBAND TOLD ME SHE BEAT HIM.

YOU BELIEVE HIM?

SHE NEVER TALKS ABOUT HIM.

WHAT IF THERE'S A SIDE TO HER I DON'T KNOW?

WHAT IF ASHLEY'S NOT JUST THE COLD,

MEAN-SPIRITED GIRL I FELL IN LOVE WITH?

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE... A LOT OF GUYS WOULD PAY

TO HAVE A PRETTY GIRL HIT THEM.

HEADS UP.

HI. HI. YOU'RE IN A GOOD MOOD.

IT'S A GREAT DAY. I'M GOING TO KILL A RAT.

DON'T BOTHER. I JUST TRIED TO POISON IT.

POISON? POISON'S FOR CATS.

NO, I'M KIDDING.

I TOLD YOU I WAS IN A GREAT MOOD.

NO, I HAVE GOT THE BEST WAY TO CATCH A RAT. GOTCHA!

HA HA HA!

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A FLAT RAT

TO SEND A MESSAGE TO HIS BUDDIES,

RIGHT, BERG?

I'LL SEE YA.

YOU WANT TO SLEEP AT OUR PLACE TONIGHT?

AND SINCE SHARON CARTER TOOK THE BATON

OF PUBLIC RELATIONS,

IMMACULATE CHEMICALS' APPROVAL RATING

HAS GONE UP A WHOPPING 46%.

A WHOPPING 46%

AND THAT'S DESPITE ADDING EIGHT DIFFERENT FISH

TO THE ENDANGERED SPECIES LIST.

AND IN CLOSING,

I SAY TO YOU HERE, NOW, LADIES, GENTLEMEN,

SAYING NO TO SHARON CARTER IS SAYING NO...

TO AMERICA.

IMPRESSIVE, MR. DUNVILLE. VERY IMPRESSIVE.

THANK YOU.

SHARON CARTER COOKIE?

Don't turn on the lights.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Shh. Lower your voice.

OOPS.

GREAT, BERG.

NOW YOU SCARED THE RAT. WE MAY NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN.

DAMN.

NOW WHO'S GOING TO NIBBLE ME IN THE PLACES THAT COUNT?

LOOK, THERE'S SOME THINGS

THAT I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BRANDON.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM.

ASHLEY, WHY DID YOU TWO BREAK UP?

FOR A LOT OF REASONS.

LIKE WHAT? DID HE CHEAT ON YOU?

DID HE HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM?

DID HE CHEAT AT GAMBLING?

THIS IS EMBARRASSING FOR ME, OKAY?

WELL, THAT MAKES IT

ALL THE MORE INTERESTING FOR ME.

LOOK, BERG,

I LEFT BRANDON BECAUSE DEEP DOWN

I KNEW THAT THERE WAS

SOMEBODY BETTER FOR ME OUT THERE,

AND I THINK I MAY HAVE FOUND HIM.

I'M AN IDIOT. COME HERE, BABY.

DIE!

I SAW THE RAT.

YOU ALMOST TOOK MY HEAD OFF!

I WASN'T THINKING. SOMETIMES I JUST REACT.

LIKE THE TIME YOU PUSHED BRANDON DOWN THE STAIRS.

WHAT?

THE SCAR ON HIS FOREHEAD?

HE RAN INTO A DOOR.

HE SAID YOU'D SAY THAT.

WAIT. YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO BRANDON?

HE TOLD ME EVERYTHING. I KNOW YOU USED TO BEAT HIM.

OH. OKAY, THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD IT WITH HIM.

HE JUST WANTS TO HELP.

NO, HE'S DEAD.

BRANDON, IT'S BERG.

IF YOU'RE HOME, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

WHAT'D YOU HAVE FOR LUNCH?

UH, TUNA.

WOW.

GREAT CHOICE.

THANKS.

HEY, WHERE'D YOU GO?

RESEARCH. I WENT SHOPPING

TO GET TO KNOW THE WORLD GLOW PRODUCTS.

YOU ARE EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

LIKE THE GOVERNOR JUST CALLED

AND SAID I COULD GO SELL MAKEUP.

DID PETE CALL? YES. HE SAID HE'D CALL BACK.

DID HE SOUND HAPPY OR SAD? HAPPY.

HAPPY! HE SOUNDED HAPPY!

SHARON, THIS WHOLE PENGUIN THING

IS BLOWING UP IN OUR FACE.

WHERE'S THAT REPORT?

I CAN'T DO IT, SIR.

TELL THE WORLD ABOUT PENGUIN OVERPOPULATION,

KILLER PENGUINS, WHATEVER MAKES THEM LOOK BAD.

WHAT I MEAN IS I WON'T.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I HATE THIS COMPANY, I HATE THIS JOB,

AND I HATE MYSELF FOR DOING IT.

SHARON... AND I'M SURE I AM NOT ALONE.

WHO HERE FEELS LOUSY ABOUT THEMSELVES

WHEN THEY DRIVE HOME FROM WORK EACH DAY? HUH?

HELEN?

WHO HERE FEELS GUILTY WHEN THEY WATCH THE LEAVES FALL?

WHO HERE HAS NIGHTMARES

ABOUT WOODSY OWL AND THE CRYING INDIAN?

AND YOU SHOULD BECAUSE YOU'RE GOOD PEOPLE,

AND YOU'RE STUCK IN A BAD, BAD JOB.

SHARON, ENOUGH!

NO. PEOPLE, THERE ARE OTHER JOBS OUT THERE,

JOBS THAT YOU CAN BE PROUD OF,

JOBS THAT HELP.

THERE ARE. I'VE SEEN THEM.

COME ON, WHO'S COMING WITH ME?

COME ON, WHO?

I AM.

GET BACK TO WORK!

WHO ELSE? I AM.

YES! ME, TOO.

SHARON...

OH, UH, EXCUSE ME. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

I REALIZE I DON'T HAVE A PLACE TO TAKE ANY OF YOU,

BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

BRANDON!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

TELL HIM YOU'RE JUST MESSING WITH HIM.

TELL HIM I NEVER BEAT YOU.

SHE NEVER BEAT ME.

TELL HIM LIKE YOU'RE NOT SCARED.

DON'T HURT ME.

BERG, YOU SEE, HE'S JUST MESSING WITH YOU.

OH, COME ON! WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BELIEVE,

ME OR SOMEBODY YOU JUST MET?

WELL... YOU SEE? YOU...

YOU'RE TURNING MY BOYFRIEND INTO A PARANOID WRECK.

YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW,

I DIDN'T THINK IT'D BE SO EASY.

WHAT?

YOU'RE JUST MESSING WITH ME?

WHAT, YOU'RE JUST GETTING IT?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I'D BETTER GET HOME.

YOU KIDS HAVE A LOT TO FIGHT ABOUT.

I KNEW.

I WAS PLAYING ALONG, OKAY?

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT HE THOUGHT

THAT I THOUGHT THAT...

YOU GOT TO ADMIT, HE WAS PRETTY CONVINCING.

BERG, HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT ABOUT ME?

BECAUSE I HEARD IT FROM YOUR EX-HUSBAND,

AND YOU NEVER TELL ME ANYTHING, ASHLEY.

I TOLD YOU. NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YOU GLOSSED OVER IT

WITH ALL THE EMOTIONAL, MUSHY CRAP.

I'M GOING TO NEED SOME COLD, HARD FACTS.

OKAY, WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT BRANDON

PULLS STUNTS LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME?

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT HE GAVE ME

HIS GRANDMOTHER'S ENGAGEMENT RING,

AND HE NEVER TOLD HER THAT HE TOOK IT?

OR THAT ON OUR WEDDING DAY,

HE TOLD HIS PARENTS THAT I WAS REALLY A MAN?

AND WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT AFTER ALL OF THAT,

I STILL SAID "I DO"?

WHAT WOULD YOU THINK OF ME THEN?

NOT MUCH.

WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU. GIVE US THE NEWS.

YOU DIDN'T GET THE JOB. THAT'S NOT THE NEWS.

I'M SO SORRY, SHARON.

I TRIED MY HARDEST. I MEAN IT, I REALLY DID.

I REALLY WANTED YOU TO GET IT.

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE... YOU HAVE YOUR OLD JOB.

I QUIT TODAY.

DON'T WORRY, PETE WILL FIND YOU SOMETHING EVEN BETTER.

ACTUALLY, I CAN'T. I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE.

THEY FIRED YOU BECAUSE OF ME?

I FEEL AWFUL.

NO, NO, NO, DON'T FEEL AWFUL.

I KIND OF ALREADY HAVE A NEW JOB.

REALLY? WHERE?

VICE-PRESIDENT OF SALES,

WORLD GLOW COSMETICS.

EXCUSE ME?

VICE-PRESIDENT OF SALES, WORLD GLOW COSMETICS.

YOU TOOK MY JOB?

I WENT DOWN THERE TO ARGUE ON YOUR BEHALF,

AND THEY WERE SO IMPRESSED, THEY GAVE ME THE JOB.

YOU TOOK MY JOB.

YEAH, BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU BLEW IT.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

EVELYN SAID YOU SOUNDED HAPPY ON THE PHONE.

I WAS. I JUST GOT A JOB.

IF YOU WERE A TRUE FRIEND,

YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE ACCEPTED IT.

THEY WEREN'T GOING TO HIRE YOU.

NOT AFTER YOU SABOTAGED ME.

PETE WOULD NEVER...

PICK YOUR SIDES VERY CAREFULLY.

MAN, YOU THINK YOU KNOW A GUY!

OH...

COME ON, SHARON, YOU'LL FIND A NEW JOB.

OH, I DON'T DOUBT THAT.

BUT IT'S GOING TO BE A HASSLE FINDING A NEW BEST FRIEND.

ANYWAY, CONGRATULATIONS.

NEVER. THE RAT HAS GOTTENST CALL SMARTER, AND SO MUST I.TOR?

LOOK, WHEN THE SANDWICH IS DISTURBED,

IT PULLS THIS STRING, REVEALING THE MIRROR.

THE RAT WILL APPROACH THE MIRROR,

BELIEVING IT HAS FOUND A MATE.

WHEN HE TOUCHES THE MIRROR,

THAT 20-POUND BAG OF FLOUR IS RELEASED,

AND WHAM! OFF TO THE BIG SEWER IN THE SKY.

HE WOULD HAVE TO BE THE STUPIDEST RAT

IN THE WORLD TO FALL FOR THAT.

WE'LL SEE WHEN WE GET BACK.

OOH, SANDWICH.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, GOOD-LOOKING!

YOU.

OHH!