Original subtitles

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC. AND 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

JOHNNY, WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID SHE SAY?

UH... WELL, SHE SAID, UM... "OH, GOD!"

AND, UM, AND THEN... AND THEN SHE RAN AWAY.

OH, MAN.

I'VE BEEN ALL OVER BOSTON YELLING FOR SHARON.

I DID FIND ONE, BUT SHE WAS 97.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

LEAVING. I TOOK MY MONEY OUT OF SAVINGS,

I'M PUTTING THEM IN THIS SOCK,

AND I'M GOING TO THE AIRPORT.

I'D PUT IT IN YOUR JOCKEYS.

PEOPLE ARE LESS LIKELY TO PICK YOUR UNDERWEAR.

HE WHO HESITATES IS LOST.

I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING

WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING...

WHERE THE HELL IS MY LINT BRUSH?!

YOU CAN'T GO YET BECAUSE SHE LOOKED AT YOU.

SHE LOOKED AT YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

NO, WHAT, BERG, THAT SHE LOVES ME?

YES.

OR I REMINDED HER OF SOMEONE.

SOMEONE SHE LOVES.

OR I HAD SOMETHING IN MY TEETH.

LIKE LOVE.

YOU THINK YOU SAW LOVE IN SHARON'S EYES.

YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW? PAIN.

PAIN BECAUSE OF ME.

I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHERE I END UP.

NO, ASHLEY, DON'T LOOK AT ME. BERG WILL THINK WE'RE IN LOVE.

WHERE'S HE GOING?

NOWHERE.

NO, I MEAN RIGHT NOW.

SHARON.

YOU'RE HOME.

YEAH. YOU HUNGRY? I GOT CHINESE.

WELL, NO, NOT REALLY SO MUCH HUNGRY

AS I AM CURIOUS ABOUT, YOU KNOW... HOW ARE YOU?

WELL... HUNGRY.

CAN YOU PUT THE FOOD DOWN FOR A SECOND,

BECAUSE I REALLY FEEL WE NEED TO TALK

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT.

OOH, FILL ME IN. IS IT GOOD?

WELL, IT STARTS OFF GOOD,

BUT ENDS UP WITH ME IN MY FORMALWEAR

WONDERING WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!

YOU ARE ACTING REALLY STRANGE.

I'M ACTING STRANGE?!

I'M ACTING STRANGE?!

YES, YOU ARE.

YES, YOU ARE.

ARE YOU GOING TO SIT THERE AND TELL ME

YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED TONIGHT?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!

I'M JUST GOING TO PRETEND

LIKE THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED.

Y... B... UGH!

AAAH! EVERYTHING IN HERE'S TOO NICE TO BREAK!

UH, EXCUSE ME, I'M IN THE CENTER.

OH, SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

UM, HI, UM,

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D WANT TO TRADE SEATS WITH ME.

NO.

WELL, UM, SEE, IT'S SUCH A LONG WAY TO PARIS,

AND I'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH

A REALLY TRAUMATIC, EMOTIONAL ORDEAL,

AND IT MIGHT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER IF I SIT NEXT TO THE WINDOW.

OH, I SEE.

NO.

RIGHT.

SO, YOU GOING TO PARIS?

OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO PARIS.

THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S GREAT.

VIVE LA FRANCE!

I ONLY SAID THAT BECAUSE I JUST DECIDED TO GO THERE

WHEN I GOT TO THE AIRPORT.

YEAH, I'M HEALING THE OLD HEART WITH A LITTLE ADVENTURE.

HEALING THE OLD HEART!

LITTLE ADVENTURE.

JUST HOPPED ON THE FIRST FLIGHT TO EUROPE.

ACTUALLY, THE FIRST FLIGHT WAS TO TURKEY,

BUT I DON'T SPEAK TURKISH, SO...

I-I DON'T SPEAK FRENCH, EITHER.

BUT, I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S GOT TO BE EASIER THAN TURKISH.

I MEAN, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THAT LANGUAGE

WITH ALL THE "HA-CHHH" AND THE "GA-GA-GA-GA-GA"?

EXCUSEZ-MOI, I THINK YOU ARE SITTING IN THE WRONG SEAT.

THANK GOD.

BERG, I MADE BREAKFAST.

THANK GOD.

I SMELLED TOAST. I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A STROKE.

WELL, THIS BEING OUR FIRST MORNING IN THE APARTMENT

WITHOUT PETE, I THOUGHT IT... WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

SOMETHING SEEMS DIFFERENT.

WELL, I DON'T HEAR PETE

SINGING "RHINESTONE COWBOY" IN THE SHOWER.

I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

HE'S GOT THE BALL. TWO SECONDS TO SHOOT.

GAME'S ON THE LINE. FAKES RIGHT.

HE SHOOTS.

OOH, NOTHING BUT WALL!

YOU CAN'T JUST GET RID OF EVERYTHING YOU DON'T LIKE.

OF COURSE I CAN, HONEY.

I'LL GET IT!

It's probably the new girlfriend I ordered.

HEY, BERG, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

THIS IS IT.

OH, GOD!

I WAS SHARON.

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

LOOK, SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD IS GOING ON.

SHARON IS ACTING LIKE I NEVER EVEN PROPOSED.

I HAVE A SIMILAR STORY.

LAST WEEK, I ASKED HER FOR 10 BUCKS.

SHE JUST STARED AT ME.

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE THERE'S ANOTHER GUY.

NO!

NO.

USUALLY THE SIMPLE ANSWER IS THE RIGHT ONE.

WHICH IS? SHARON'S UNBALANCED.

SHE'S CRAZY. LET'S TAKE A WALK.

I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG. I LOVE HER TO DEATH,

BUT, UH, LOOK WHO MY GIRLFRIEND IS.

WELL, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I'M A DOCTOR. DON'T PICK AT IT, IT'LL GO AWAY.

Woman: WE WILL ARRIVE AT CHARLES DE GAULLE AIRPORT

IN 30 MINUTES.

MAN, IT'S AMAZING HOW FAST SIX HOURS CAN GO BY

WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEBODY TO TALK TO.

ANYWAY, SO I SCREWED EVERYTHING UP WITH SHARON,

AND SHE GAVE ME THIS LOOK, AND THIS LOOK,

IT... IT JUST SAID SO MUCH.

FUNNY, YOU DON'T STRIKE ME

AS THE KIND OF GUY WHO CAN READ A LOOK.

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,

YOU COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING SIX HOURS AGO.

I WAS WAITING FOR A PAUSE.

FINE, I WON'T TALK ANYMORE.

AND COULD I MAYBE GET A LITTLE PIECE OF THE ARMREST?

EXCUSE ME.

I'M SORRY.

I COULDN'T HELP BUT OVERHEAR YOU EARLIER.

OH, I'M SORRY.

YOU KNOW, I TALK REALLY LOUD.

I GREW UP IN A VERY LONG HOUSE.

NO, I MEAN IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD A REALLY HARD TIME.

OH, WELL, I'M FINE. LOVE SUCKS, THAT'S ALL.

I HEAR YA. I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND,

AND ALL MY FRIENDS TOLD ME I WAS CRAZY.

YES!

YES!

BUT WE'RE NOT CRAZY.

THEY'RE CRAZY.

AND WHEN I TOLD HIM TO MEET ME AT THE EIFFEL TOWER

SO I COULD TELL HIM I LOVE HIM,

THEY TOLD ME IT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA.

AND YOU'RE GOING. BAD IDEA?

YEAH, IF WE'RE CALLING GREAT IDEAS BAD IDEAS NOW!

WELL, WHAT IF HE DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY?

IS THAT YOUR TICKET?

YEAH.

WELL, LOOK, EXCUSE ME,

BUT MISS NEGATIVE DOES NOT HAVE SEAT 12-F.

NO, BATES BALOO DOES.

YES!

BATES, FOLLOW YOUR HEART, AND NOT JUST FOR YOURSELF,

BUT FOR EVERYONE WHO'S EVER SAT IN SEAT 12-F.

I WILL.

WILL YOU COME WITH ME?

YES.

YES. YES, I WILL.

WOW! I-IT'S ALL SO CLEAR NOW.

WHAT IS?

WELL, THAT I MUST SUFFER...

SO THAT I CAN TEACH OTHERS.

HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THIS DOWN BY YOURSELF?

THE GODS OF GOOD TASTE EMPOWERED ME.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW

THAT EACH AND EVERY ITEM IN THIS APARTMENT HAS BEEN HANDPICKED.

EVERY SINGLE ONE HAS A STORY TO IT.

I KNOW.

AND EVERY STORY STARTS WITH,

"OKAY, SO PETE AND I WERE TOTALLY HAMMERED ONE NIGHT..."

YOU KNOW WHAT...

I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS BECAUSE BOTTOM LINE...

BOTTOM LINE IS THAT THIS IS STILL MY APARTMENT

AND I WILL DECORATE IT ANY WAY I WANT TO...

SOMETHING ELSE IS GONE.

AREN'T YOU GUYS READY YET?

YOU ASKED US TO GO TO THE WHARF TODAY.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE, IN SHARON'S WORLD,

WHERE PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T.

HEY... YOU TOOK DOWN THE BASKETBALL HOOP!

NOW THIS WAY I CAN HAVE A FEW FRIENDS OVER

FOR A GAME OF MIRROR.

AND YOU FINALLY GOT RID OF THE STUPID OARS

YOU GUYS STOLE WHEN YOU WERE HAMMERED.

YOU TOOK MY OARS.

IT'S AMAZING.

YOU CAN REMEMBER EVERY DETAIL ABOUT THIS APARTMENT.

YOU MUST HAVE, LIKE, THE BEST MEMORY EVER.

EVERYONE THINKS THE APARTMENT LOOKS BETTER THIS WAY.

WRONG. WOMEN HAVE NO CONCEPT OF THE HOOP AS DECORATION.

RIGHT, JOHNNY?

I HELPED HER TAKE IT DOWN.

WHAT?!

W-WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

IF PETE HADN'T LEFT TOWN...

W-W-WAIT. PETE LEFT TOWN? WHY?

I, UH... I DON'T KNOW.

LOOK. LOOK, OKAY,

HE LEFT SO FAST LAST NIGHT,

I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO ASK HIM ANYTHING.

IT WAS ALL JUST A BLUR OF SOCKS AND MONEY.

HE LEFT LAST NIGHT, AFTER I SAW HIM AT THE PIZZA PLACE?

AHA!

HA HA!

HA HA HAA!

WHAT?!

"LAST NIGHT AT THE PIZZA PLACE"?

YOU SAID, "LAST NIGHT AT THE PIZZA PLACE."

YOU REMEMBER!

NO, I DON'T, I...

WHERE AM I?

WHAT IS GOING ON, SHARON? WHY DON'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME?

YOU KNOW... STAY OUT OF IT. OKAY.

JOHNNY, I... I'M... WHAT?!

FINE. THAT'S OKAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE YOUR IDEA WAS BEST.

LET'S JUST PRETEND LIKE I NEVER ASKED YOU TO MARRY ME.

WHEW, THAT WENT BETTER THAN I THOUGHT.

WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME LIKE THAT?

I'M NOT LOOKING AT YOU.

I'M LOOKING AT THE CHAIR.

IT'S GONE INSANE.

SHARON, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GIVE JOHNNY AN ANSWER?

I CAN'T. IF I SAY NO, IT'S GOING TO RUIN THE RELATIONSHIP.

YOU WANT TO SAY NO. I WANT TO SAY YES.

SO SAY YES.

BUT THEN HE'LL WANT TO GET MARRIED!

EXACTLY!

WHAT AM I NOT GETTING?

SHARON LOVES JOHNNY, BUT SHE CAN'T SAY YES BECAUSE...

SOMETHING'S HOLDING HER BACK.

SO, INSTEAD OF BEING HONEST, SHE'S OPTING

TO LET JOHNNY ROAST SLOWLY IN THE FLAMES OF UNCERTAINTY.

YES!

NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH JOHNNY

AND TELL HIM THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH PETE, TOO.

PETE?

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH PETE. PETE'S MY FRIEND.

I MEAN, SURE, I'D BE SAD IF HE DIED, BUT...

IS THAT LOVE?

FINE, IF THAT'S NOT IT, THEN TELL ME SOMETHING...

WHAT IS IT?

I... BERG, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I-IT'S A LOT OF THINGS.

LIKE IT'S... LIKE... LIKE IT'S TOO SOON.

PROBLEMS WITH HER FAMILY.

MY MOTHER!

HER MOTHER, RIGHT. SEE?

SO YOUR MOTHER HATES JOHNNY.

NO, MY MOTHER LOVES JOHNNY.

LOVES HIM TOO MUCH.

MY MOTHER'S BEEN MARRIED THREE TIMES!

AND ONCE TO JOHNNY!

WILL YOU SHUT UP?!

SHARON DOESN'T WANT TO RUSH INTO MARRIAGE

AND MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES THAT HER MOTHER MADE.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S IT.

THAT IS IT.

I SAID, "OH, YEAH, THAT'S IT."

BUT REALLY, I'VE WATCHED JOHNNY AROUND YOUR MOM.

OH, BERG!

LOOK, SHARON, I REALLY DO UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL,

BUT YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE IT THIS WAY WITH JOHNNY FOREVER.

BUT HOW DO YOU TELL A GUY WHO KNOWS HE WANTS

TO BE WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE

THAT YOU'RE NOT SURE YET?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT THIS WHOLE THING WAS ABOUT PETE.

IT IS!

HE'S NOT COMING!

NO, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

BATES, IT'S BEEN 10 MINUTES.

MAYBE HE'S HAVING A HARD TIME FINDING THE PLACE.

IT'S THE EIFFEL TOWER.

DID I HEAR YOU ASK FOR AN EIFFEL TOWER?

NO, UM, WE'RE LOOKING FOR A MAN.

MONSIEUR, I CAN ARRANGE THAT FOR YOU.

WHAT IS YOUR PRICE RANGE?

AND THEY SAY THE FRENCH AREN'T HELPFUL. THANKS.

I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T TELL HIM I LOVE HIM.

WHAT? NO, NO, NO.

LISTEN TO ME.

THIS IS THE MOMENT THAT'S GONNA CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER.

AND THE WORST PART IS NOT HIM NOT LOVING YOU,

IT'S NOT KNOWING WHETHER OR NOT HE LOVES YOU OR NOT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT!

ARE YOU SURE?

I'M WILLING TO BET

THE LAST UNBROKEN BIT OF MY HEART ON IT.

OKAY!

OH, NO.

WHAT "OH, NO"?

WHAT IF HE'S AT THE BOTTOM?

ALL RIGHT, UM, WELL, UH, LET'S GO DOWN AND CHECK.

WHAT IF HE COMES UP HERE WHILE WE'RE DOWN THERE?

WHAT IF HE TAKES THE ELEVATORS WHILE WE TAKE THE STAIRS?

I'LL GO DOWN AND CHECK. YOU WAIT HERE, OKAY?

THAT WOULD BE PERFECT.

UH, BUT HOW AM I GOING TO RECOGNIZE HIM?

HE HAS ONE ARM.

GREAT!

IT'S NOT GREAT FOR HIM, BUT IT SURE HELPS ME.

OH, UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR,

DID YOU SEE THE WOMAN I WAS WITH?

YES. SHE LEFT RIGHT AFTER YOU, MONSIEUR.

A-AFTER ME?

WELL, UH, NOT RIGHT AFTER.

FIRST SHE TOOK SOME TIME TO, UH...

GO THROUGH YOUR LUGGAGE.

NO, NO.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

COME ON, PLEASE, NOT THE MONEY SOCK,

NOT THE MONEY SOCK, NOT THE MONEY...

HA HA HA!

SHE LEFT THE SOCK!

SHE LEFT THE SOCK!

SHE TOOK THE MONEY!

SHE TOOK THE MONEY AND LEFT THE SOCK?

ABSURD.

OH, MY GOD, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

I WOULD JUMP OFF THIS SIDE.

THE VIEW IS BEAUTIFUL.

THERE YOU ARE.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

I WENT OUT FOR A WALK.

YOU KNOW WHAT? FUNNIEST THING HAPPENED TO ME.

I ASKED THIS GUY FOR DIRECTIONS, AND HE ANSWERED ME.

OKAY, I GET IT.

AND THEN I ASKED THE GROCER IF THE MELONS WERE FRESH.

HE ANSWERED ME, TOO! I NEARLY FELL DOWN!

PEOPLE WERE ANSWERING ME WHEREVER I WENT!

PRETTY SOON, I WAS DOIN' IT MYSELF!

"DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?" "NO," I SAID, "NO FRIES!"

JOHNNY, I WANT TO GIVE YOU AN ANSWER, I DO.

BUT...

BUT I'M SCARED, OKAY? CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

I-IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME, JUST TELL ME.

I DO LOVE YOU.

THEN WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?!

I DON'T KNOW!

GOD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

WHY CAN'T I JUST SAY YES?

WHY CAN'T I JUST LET GO AND TRUST MY FEELINGS?

WHY AM I TAKING WHAT SHOULD BE

THE BEST MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE

AND RUINING IT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GET UP, GET UP, GET UP!

NO.

I AM NOT LETTING GO THIS TIME UNTIL I GET AN ANSWER,

JUST TRUST YOUR FEELINGS.

LET GO!

NO.

LET GO!

NO.

LET GO! NO!

AAH!

OWW!

I'M SORRY!

I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY!

I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY!

AT LEAST I KNOW THIS TIME YOU HEARD ME.

I LOVE YOU.

I REALLY DO LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

ASK ME AGAIN.

WHAT?

COME HERE.

PROPOSE TO ME AGAIN.

OKAY.

I WAS IN A BAD MOOD EARLIER.

TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF FIRST.

SHARON, WILL YOU MARRY ME?

YES...

IN THEORY.

"IN THEORY"? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

IT IS WHAT IT IS.

BUT IT'S A YES, RIGHT?

YES... IN THEORY.

I HEARD YES! YAY!

YOU'RE FOOLS!

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS LOVE! IT DOESN'T EXIST!

D-DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE WORD LOVE COMES FROM?

IT COMES FROM THE WORD L'OEUF, WHICH MEANS EGG,

WHICH MEANS... ZERO, WHICH MEANS NOTHING.

YOU FRENCH ARE IDIOTS!

STUPIDE!

SIR, WOULD YOU BUY ME A DRINK?

DON'T LET PARIS FOOL YOU!

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS LOVE!

I L'OEUF YOU, TOO.

OKAY, ASHLEY, I'VE DECIDED

TO LET THE OARS AND THE BASKETBALL HOOP GO.

YOU COULDN'T FIND THEM, COULD YOU?

IT'S LIKE YOU WORK FOR THE MOB.

DON'T WORRY, FROM NOW ON, I'LL CHECK WITH YOU FIRST.

SO, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT LOSING THE COFFEE TABLE?