Original subtitles

Is everyone in love?

Welcome to "The Japanese Tradition" Volume 2 KOSAI.

In Japan, love relationships between men and women are called KOSAI.

This video introduces the Japanese art of relationships, KOSAI.

The Encounter: How to Make a Good Impression

There are two ways of meeting a woman. The first is by chance.

Many cases of chance meetings exist: at work, school or travel but...

nice coincidences are rare.

But there's another kind of encounter:

one which seems like a coincidence.

For example...

It all began when I picked up her train pass.

While this does happen, most cases are on purpose.

Thus the "encounter which seems like a coincidence".

Find a girl you fancy at train and bus stops or on the street...

and deliberately create this coincidence-esque encounter.

Begin with tailing.

Patiently wait for her to drop something.

If she luckily drops her train pass, pick it up at once.

Many men know this coincidence-esque encounter technique.

Many Japanese men are gunning for this chance...

so practice daily.

If you successfully grab something, call out to her.

First impressions happen here.

To make a good impression with a winning smile,

bleach your teeth in advance.

Select multiple targets to increase your chances.

When multiple coincidences occur, women tend to feel "it's destiny".

Learn her routine via tailing, then stage the second coincidence.

This will surely improve her impression of you.

The ideal interval between the first and second encounter is 6 days.

A different day of the week is key. If it's 7 days on the same weekday...

She may feel your routines are just similar, thus less of a coincidence.

Staging: Get Her with Your Looks

Many Japanese women highly stress "looks" when selecting a man.

You never know when your target will appear.

Always give full attention to the way you look.

All good looking Japanese men go to the beauty parlor everyday.

Action: A Good Impression with Good Sense

While "looks" are important, women tend to focus on actions.

Actions are key to improving your image so watch yourself.

Knowing how to order coffee can increase your appeal.

too simple, boring

feminine = weak impression

childish impression

mild impression

masculine = good impression.

best choice!

Japanese are bad at making jokes, but being funny is indispensable.

Here we will introduce two ready-to-use jokes.

This morning when I walked outside, it was raining.

But I didn't use an umbrella.

Why you ask?

Because I hadn't had a shower!

1) Explain your bizarre behavior.

2) Explain why you did such a thing.

The paper boy is tardy and says,

"Sorry. I'm late because I overslept".

So I say...

"Hey, good news is always better late".

1) Explain the circumstance and what you were told.

2) Drop your witty punch line.

3) If they don't get it, make a funny face and produce a loud noise.

Just as in other countries, in Japan, a desirable man should be tough.

Japanese women evaluate toughness by jam bottle opening.

To be prepared, be sure to train your muscles everyday.

The Japan Cultural Lab offers our special "Jam Bottle Cap Open Trainer"

Try it out. Order by phone or mail.

Women love to be flattered.

Good flattery makes a woman happy and displays your intelligence.

Basically, likening them to something beautiful works.

You are like... an exquisite rose blossoming amid a vast wasteland.

You are like... a heavenly goddess of beauty gazing at an elegant butterfly...

resting on an exquisite rose blossoming amid a vast wasteland.

You are like... a vast wasteland.

This isn't flattering. Do be careful.

The Push Forward: Making Yourself "Dependable"

Being a persistent stud is key.

A manly guy possesses both physical and spiritual appeal.

The "Fist of Justice" is the best method for expressing these.

Say this after dealing out justice.

Express the regret to use violence even for the sake of justice.

This is the best pattern for showing how great a man you are.

The Pull Back: Effective Use of a Woman's Motherhood

By now, the woman is crazy about you. But remember, haste makes waste.

The potential for disaster exists if you're impatient.

Since things are moving along nicely, you need to play it cool.

Get up your courage and "pull back".

This may sound as though the man is resisting any sort of relationship.

However, it also suggests the "I'm not dating anybody in particular" notion.

If the timing is right, this line can be most effective.

Dating: Japan Values Tradition

At last, the actual relationship begins.

Let's study the first step of the relationship, "dating".

In Japanese it is called AIBIKI.

Begin with the proper invitation.

Many Japanese customarily use a YABUMI

when sending an important message.

Write passionate words on ORIGAMI paper,

tie it to an arrow and fire.

Many Japanese practice YABUMI when they reach a certain age.

The more effective YABUMI is done on horseback.

The reason: it's cool (KAKKOII).

At last... dating begins.

For Japanese, dating consists mainly of walking side-by-side.

There is a tradition based on the intimacy of the relationship.

Stage 1: Walking

Stage 2: Skipping

Stage 3: Sprinting

As their intimacy develops further, holding hands is permitted.

There are stages for holding hands as well.

Stage 1: Pinky Walking

Stage 2: Normal Hand Holding

Stage 3: High Five Walking

Rivals: Exterminating the Bad Guy

Rivals are par for the course.

If a rival appears, deal with him.

In Japan such a fight is called TAIMAN.

You do not say, "doing TAIMAN", but rather "asserting TAIMAN".

Thus all Japanese enjoy practicing the art of JUHJITSU.

Techniques include:

Shoulder Throw

Overhead Throw

Smash Cross Defense

Swastika Defense

Killer Aerial Assault Wave

Rolling Buddha Thunder

All Japanese men can do these.

Be sure to practice hard.

Forming Alliances: I never approved of you calling me Dad

In many cases, her father disapproves of the marriage.

I never approved of you calling me Dad.

You must avoid this situation.

We'll show how to make that father say, "What a fine lad".

The image those fools have of a "lad suitable for my daughter" is simple.

1) Earnest and polite.

2) Has a steady income.

3) Sports experience.

4) Kind to the old, kids, animals and plants.

Actually, I lost my father at a young age,

so being with you like this...

Sorry, never mind.

All you have to do is say the above and you have won the perfect match.

Proposing: The Greatest Rite

And finally... the proposal.

To propose one must wear what a SHIRO-SHOH-ZOKU,

traditional Japanese costume.

Then, race up a mountain.

Climb a 1000 year old cedar and scream towards the rising sun.

Don't forget a headband with the word MAKOTO (sincerity) inscribed.

Let's look at how these techniques are used in practical life.

Oh!

Hey!

It always the same customers.

Shut up. Lots of regulars is good.

Lots?

Don't kick back. Get to work!

Not now...

I'm enjoying the boss's unique flavor.

It tastes like any other coffee.

That's inexcusable.

Novices are the worst. Right, boss?

Hey, I know the taste of coffee.

No, my tongue knows better.

No, my tongue does.

Welcome.

Huh?

#1 Tailing

#2 The Train Pass as a Start

#3 Good Impression with a Smiling Face

You...

You remembered. What a coincidence!

Exactly... six days ago.

Thanks again.

It was nothing.

What'll you have?

Double espresso! Doubled!

Double espresso... two?

Sure.

Dad, where's Atsuko's order?

Coming right up.

Give it here.

What the...

Let me...

#3 Tough Guy Appeal

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

So?

Baseball.

Ohhh baseball.

Hi cutie. What's your name?

Atsuko.

No, the dog's.

Hachi.

Hachi old boy.

Hachi!

Here you go.

Sorry to bother you.

No problem. How lucky to find a kind man...

Yoko.

Coming.

Oh...

I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.

No. I hadn't watered it today.

Great. The poor thing was thirsty.

#8 Kind to Plants

Got a 'sec?

No way.

Huh?

I'm meditating on my destiny.

#3 Best Choice!

This isn't some simple coincidence.

I'll tell you about coincidences.

Hey...

Listen up Yoko. His coincidences are all intentional.

Huh?

The Japanese Tradition!

What?

The chump's moves read like a HOW TO BOOK.

He's not putting on the moves.

Look at you. All fluttering in love.

What's it to you? Besides, I'm not fluttering.

Then what was with that fairy dust!?

What? I don't get you.

Anyway, his moves are like...

Better than someone not making a play for me!

You are like...

a... vast... wasteland.

How rude! Do girls go for that?

I don't need a girl friend right now.

Really? Fine. Bye.

Wait. I mean...

Because I hadn't had a shower!

#3 Joke Technique

You know... It was raining and I didn't use an umbrella.

Why you ask? 'Cause I hadn't showered the day before!

Yeah. 'Cause I hadn't showered.

#3 Joke Technique

Matsushita, that's enough for today.

You're so kind, boss.

Actually, I lost my father at a young age,

so being with you like this...

What the hell?

Sorry, never mind.

As long as it's nothing.

You're grossing me out.

Poor guy.

It's all your-r fault-t-t!

I wish I didn't have to do that.

I'm sorry sir...

Matsushita did hit first.

No, I was wrong. There's no call for violence. No matter what.

Come on.

Oh no.

Sorry. I gotta go. For the coffee...

Please bill me for the glasses.

Forget it.

Sir, may I come again?

Of course. Fine with me.

Actually, I lost my father at a young age,

so being with you like this...

Sorry, never mind.

Goodbye everyone. Sorry for the mess.

Wow... A company president.

Screw corporate titles! Right, dad?

I never approved of you calling me Dad.

What a fine lad, huh?

You know why I called you here, huh?

I'm asserting TAIMAN with you. And inviting her on a date with this.

Really? By the book as always.

If it's books you want then...

it's time for your lesson.

Killer Aerial Assault Wave

1, 2, 3, 4, 5... 25 of me!

Rolling Buddha Thunder

Killer Aerial Assault Wave

#7 All Japanese Can Do This

Lose to a love rival?

On the house.

Ever heard of "the arrow that never catches up"?

Huh?

There was this guy.

And someone aims an arrow at him.

The guy runs at the same time the arrow is shot from behind.

The arrow arrives where he was.

But I'm too far ahead so it misses me.

As long the arrow purses the person...

Missed me.

this goes on and on.

And the arrow will never hit the person.

No way?

Yes. It's just a parable... You guys can go.

In reality, the arrow follows the person... But...

An arrow that is never fired, in this world or the real world...

will never hit its target.

Horse, Headband, SHIRO-SHOH-ZOKU

The sea was my playmate as a child.

But I got money, status and fame.

Somehow I wasn't satisfied with my life then.

I'm gonna climb a mountain. Wait for me.

Oh, there you, you, you, you, are.

Oh, there you, you, you, you, are. Oh, there you, you, you, you, are.

I love you!

Huh?

I love you!

Don't say that!

Shut up. I love you!

Too late.

I lo-o-o-ove you!

Say it nicer!

I can't! I love you!

Say something romantic!

I don't get it!

What's with this confession?

You're!!!

You're an idiot!!

What about you!!

Of course, I love you!!

Be my girl!

Too late!

Really?!

I'm yours!

You said it!

No takebacks!

For life!

You said it!?

I'll say it again! I love you!

I love you too!

No! I love you more!

No! I love you more!

No, I'm winning.

I really love you!

I won't lose!

I lo-o-o-o-ve you!

You can't beat me!

I lo-o-o-o-ve yo-u-u-u-u-u!

Well f-i-i-i-i-ne!

What the hell!!

#6 Hand Holding: Stage 3

#6 KAKKOII (cool)

#1 The Train Pass as a Start

#1 Good Impression with a Smiling Face

Did you enjoy our presentation?

This is the Japanese KOSAI.

What? "All that we learned is useless?"

That's right. It's all armchair theory.

There are no rules in romance.

It would be boring if there were, wouldn't it?

Life is fun 'cuz you never know what's gonna happen.

See... like this.

Is everyone in love?

At the Japan Culture Lab, we introduce many other traditional Japanese customs.

Please use these with the information presented here for your pleasure.

When I shut my eyes, a landscape comes into view.

A very familiar place.

But, I am not there.

Human bodies aren't that clean you know.

We're a veritable bundle of bacteria.

Our hands and clothes are teaming with germs.

But, that's normal.

Humans can't live without coexisting with germs.

But, Yuka is different.

She's desperately protecting her body from these things.

Is she always inside there?

Yes. From her point of view, I'm just like a germ monster.

Uh...

Should I really meet her?

Yes. She needs to be...

given the chance to see the reality outside of her sterile room.

Yuka?

Sorry to startle you.

Hi there...

I know.

Huh?

I know.

Know what?

That was my dad.

He said don't be cold to you.

You're here for my acceptance, right?

What?

You love my dad, right?

That's fine with me.

Wait a minute.

It's fine. Get married, do whatever... Really.

Sorry. I gotta change.

I didn't... come here for your permission.

And your father didn't ask me to.

Why then?

Wanna be friends? With me.

What's it like... outside?

Interesting?

Yeah... In many ways.

Good things and bad things.

Sounds rough.

Sometimes I get hurt but... I still like it.

Wow, how dirty!

What the hell?

A bird?

It's dead.

Hey...

This'd look great on you, Yuka.

And with...

these shoes, you'd look totally cool.

Here.

You're good.

But something's missing.

I wonder...

Landscapes are easy but drawing people is hard.

Hey... Who's this?

Look at this!

Whatta ya think it is?

Stop. Stop it.

Whatta ya think it is?

No!

Looky. Looky.

It's squirming.

Wiggle, wiggle.

I told you to stay away!

Here, here.

Oh...

It moved!

They say that this is when maggots are formed.

And the maggots make it look alive.

You awake?

Yuka?

Are you up?

You stayed with me.

Of course I did.

I took a peek outside.

Yeah... What'd you see?

And that's when I thought...

my father is truly sick.

And I decided to wait here until he was cured.

I want to stay here.

You know you can't.

Even if you wait, no one is coming.

Let's go.

What're ya doing? Let's go home.

What about this?

Let's bury it!

I think that was the first time I pictured myself as an adult.

And I'll never visit that room again.

Wow.

Kick ass.

Hey Miku, like I said.

If I make the free throw, go out with me.

Huh? Hiroshi, you only made two.

What... you're not into me, huh?

I didn't say that.

But you only made two, Hiroshi. I'm not that easy.

You got a thing against poor bakers?

Only two...

No problem.

Big problem.

Waz up? Wanna give us our ball back?

And another thing... leave the 'big man talk' someplace else.

So Miku...

I said you're in the way.

Sorry. Sorry. Why am I apologizing?

Shut the fuck up. Look...

We've got shit to talk about. So piss off! OK!

So Miku, normal or abnormal...

Daisuke! Take him on!

You got game?

The bet is 10,000 yen. Can you swing it?

OK.

Let's play.

Que it up.

Why does it always have to be this way...

Game over.

No. Stop it. Stop.

Wait? Hey wait.

How do you like me now?

Kuroki Kick!

Don't be sneaking off baker boy.

This bitch is bought and paid for.

What the hell! This ain't the old Japan! You fuck!

Here's Mr. Kuroki, Paradise Finance 2nd generation president.

De-de-de-debt, debt, debt, parent's debt

I owe 10 mil, 10 mil, 10 million yen

Debt, debt, debt, shouldering debt, Oh noooooo

De-de-de-debt, debt, debt, parent's debt

I owe 10 mil, 10 mil, 10 million yen

Debt, debt, debt, shouldering debt, Oh noooooo

Dad owes 10 million, she'll shoulder the debt.

If you want her back, bring the cash.

10 million not a yen less.

Fat chance poor boy. So give up chump.

This bitch is mine and I'll do as I please.

The fun is about to begin.

If you got a beef, bring me 10 mil.

De-de-de-debt, debt, debt, parent's debt

I owe 10 mil, 10 mil, 10 million yen

Debt, debt, debt, shouldering debt...

That sucks dude. Need some help?

Selling his only daughter for a mere 10 million yen.

You're father is an idiot.

Think of it as filial piety.

I'll make you my wife so be thankful!

Act your age. Idiot brother.

You called me idiot.

We need info.

Just wait.

Try calling me that again. Next time it'll cost you 100 yen.

Not 100 yen... we wanna make 10 million yen.

That's a large sum... I hate guys like that.

Too dangerous. I'm out.

Hiroshi's lady was abducted by that moneylender Kuroki.

That's rough.

We gotta come up with 10 mil...

That's fucked up. You serious?

Dead serious.

Okay then. I'll lend you Yuki.

He may not look like much but he's an expert in the field.

Hey sis, I'll be taking this.

Get your grubby hands off it.

Uh? I run a small finance company...

Go ahead.

I got hooked on gambling and...

Don't be consulting about other people's problems.

That is a problem.

I hate you.

My wife got fed up and left me for another man.

I'm at my wits end.

I've lost all hope.

I'm thinking about suicide.

That's no solution.

Kuroki's a second generation... mob money lender.

And he's loaded.

But there are some really scary guys backing him.

Front Man "Kuroki Industries" Heavily linked with the underworld

Forte: Kuroki Kick

...And?

So we should swipe the money from Kuroki.

Tomorrow's Money Pick Up 14 places 10.8 million yen

Who should?

You and me.

Me?

This kid pisses me off.

You wanna save her? No? Make up your mind.

Talk is cheap. Where's that gusto?

Get off your ass and get busy.

And one more thing...

If you think someone's gonna hand you 10 mil, you got another thing coming.

A gutless guy chasing ass will never get that marker erased!

I know. You gotta pee, right?

OK. So let's go.

What the hell? Don't fuck with me.

I'll show you who's afraid.

The potty is this way.

Now I'm pissed.

That was out of line, idiot.

Idiot? There you go again...

Actually, I have one daughter.

I see.

So I was thinking that I might just sell her to cover my debt.

Sell your daughter?

I'm wrong, right?

I feel for her but you must pay off your debts.

I see your point.

The lender has committed no crime.

Right. Women... can't live with 'em can't...

And my daughter might be thrilled...

They might make a loving couple.

Money does bring happiness.

You're right.

I'm so glad I called. Thank you.

Great. Hang in there.

I will.

Moving along. Mr. Tanaka from Itabashi-ku...

You are on the air.

So... Kuroki Cash Robbery Plan in Action.

But Kuroki's one bad dude.

Bad dude or no bad dude. The issue is erasing Hiroshi's marker.

That's wack.

I'm serious. I really need your help.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Even the radio guy told us to "hang in there". Just marry me.

I'll pay your father 10 mil tomorrow.

Are you nuts?

Fuck off! You and your turtle!

Don't touch her.

It's about that time...

Your damn turtle is more important, right?!

No, it's about time to collect today's money...

Get going.

Does it look like I can step out now?

OK. I'm going.

Bring her here.

No. Let me go.

I'll be back.

No. Let me go. No. Let me go.

I bought you so play nice.

Is he really gonna be packing 10 mil?

Yuki's a pro in this field.

Yuki - Underground Researcher Master hacker.

Data Collection Specialist and Daisuke's brother.

Cover your faces with these.

Are these gonna work?

No worries.

We're the ones doing the work.

All you're doing is running.

Simple is best!

Shut up.

We know this part of town best.

Is that him?

It's showtime.

Hold it buster.

What are you doing here?

Get down from there.

Those were your friends, right?

It's up to you!

Ota Hitoshi Mgr. Kuroki Industries

Career: Hakone Marathon MVP

VS Carbo Turbo 4W 2L VS Tokaiteio 1W 14L

I ain't afraid of you. Not a bit.

Mrs. Yoshida is scarier than you.

That backstabbing bitch. I had coffee with Mrs. Abe and...

And they're lesbians. Scary. And Yoshida goes...

Let's be friends!

It is a park...

The kids have all gone home.

What the?

Dancing.

You boys... What's that sound?

I'm a great dancer. I used to be Ushigadani dancing queen.

Can I? Nice. Nice sound. Oginome girl...

What a move! You go girl.

And that costume!

Us local girls won't let up. Teach him our dance.

The gaudier, the better.

You like her huh? He's blushing.

No, I'm fine.

Give her a hug.

No, I'm fine.

Gimme a break lady.

Forget it.

Huh?

Don't be acting proud just 'cause you got money.

It's uncool.

What's with you?

Laters.

Thanks.

What? You thinking about working to pay me off?

You got that kind of time?

Stop it.

Yo? Kuroki. This'll do right?

You really brought it?

Is she worth 10 mil?

How'd you...

I got the money for you.

You think you can buy me too?

He paid. I got no beef with him now.

Fuck off. Both of you!!

Huh?

What do you think I am?

I'm not happy one bit.

Not one bit!!

Hey Miku, wait!

Don't touch me! You idiot!!

Kuroki'll kill me if I go back...

I'll come clean and escape somewhere.

How pathetic.

All the rare shit are mine for the taking.

STAFF WANTED

Excuse me. I saw the Wanted Ad...

And came in...

Are you groovy?

Huh?

So... This is how disgraceful people are when they die.

I gotta get back to my meeting... Wonder if it's still going on.

Oh... honey.

I understand... It's time, isn't it?

Please give us a moment alone.

Close your eyes.

What for?

Just close 'em.

W-w-wicked...

I'll go next.

We all chipped in so... You gotta go!

Not...

Not me.

What! You traitor!

Come on, we all promised, right?

Go! Don't let us down.

Hey! Don't betray us! Chicken!

Chicken!

Chicken! Hurry up.

Chicken!

Traitor! Chicken!!

Get some!

Come on!

We all chipped in so... get pumped you guys!

Paradise awaits the winner!

And...

41!

Four-ty one!

And...

42!

Four-ty two!

They're all pathetic.

Who's next?!

Go for it!

Hey, hey, hey... Ain't we got a challenger?

Here! I'll go!

Yo... we've got another visitor.

You don't have to, you know.

Wanna try? You're a man, right?

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

Men are so disgusting.

And worse in groups.

Don't lose heart so easy.

Listen up!

I promise. I won't harm you.

And I won't make fun of you.

Don't be afraid.

This is the real me.

Am I weird?

Help me...

Please.

Thank you.

I'm home.

Welcome back!

You're late, huh?

I almost forgot.

I put your dinner in the fridge.

Your father is tired.

Please leave him alone.

You okay?

You're...

Mouseman! You came for me.

Grab hold!

C-u-t!

Mouseman... one shot.

Mouseman... Mouseman...

Wrong!

Ah! It's hot, hot.

Fan me like you mean it!

I can't take this shit.

Just who do you think I am?

Who?

Mouseman.

Mouseman! The great Mouseman...

Fan me!

Over-the-top is fine! I need you to lie to yourself.

But, if I was really falling...

don't you think simply saying, "You came for me" is strange?

I ain't asking for your reality!

If you don't believe, the audience won't believe!

They know it's all fake.

And they still come along for the ride.

Am I wrong?

You said it. Yes!

So right!

Little man!

Hey!

Hey!

Can you tighten this up a bit?

Don't let me down.

I almost forgot. Your dinner's in the fridge.

The world is too complex.

I doubt I can become an adult.

Behind their fasteners, adults wear another face.

Several faces... Face after face.

Maybe the whole world is like this.

And maybe there's already a fastener stuck on me too.

No!

I don't want to accept that.

I'll try to accept...

everything this world offers.