Original subtitles

Princess Adala returns with a plot to create duplicates

of Buck Rogers for her own sinister purpose.

Captain Buck Rogers, meet Captain Buck Rogers. As

you see, Captain, you can be replaced.

I want you to launch the attack against Earth immediately.

What can one Buck Rogers possibly do against three?

It's two down, one more to go. Boring, Buck, boring.

Which one?

The year is 1987, and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes.

In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William Buck Rogers,

are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life

support systems and returns Buck Rogers to Earth 500 years later.

¶¶

Ship stabilized at one quarter power. Advance to half power.

Roger.

Advancing to half power.

I'm getting severe vibrations. I'm losing it! I'm losing it!

So much for hero number seven, isn't it, Kane?

If you keep this up, we'll have to message my father for more posthumous medals.

There is nothing wrong with my design, Princess.

Course not.

Except that it kills all of our best pilots because no one can fly it.

Cancel the program.

Princess, your father would never agree.

You know that he was... Sit down!

I know what my father would agree to.

As punishment for the way the Terrans have insulted me,

I'm to be allowed to destroy any city on Earth that I wish.

Without this program, Princess, it will be impossible to penetrate Terran defenses.

Then stop talking and find someone who can fly your hatchet fighter.

Perhaps you.

No, not you.

But there is a man who would be ideal.

But Buck Rogers would never agree.

We don't need his permission. We have Lab 23.

Once we have the prototype, we can always improve on the model.

That I seriously doubt.

It's beautiful, Twiki.

What exactly is it?

Just what you ordered, a ping-pool table.

A ping-pool table? I ordered a ping-pong table, Twiki.

Pool's an entirely different game.

Well, there was a page missing from the construction manual.

Somewhere between pong and pool, I imagine, right?

What is ping-pong, Buck?

Oh, it's a terrific game. Two, four people, excuse me, entities can play it.

You simply hit the ball over the net in the middle with those two paddles.

Oh, I see.

Maybe.

Why, Buck?

Why?

Because it's a game.

How quaint.

Well, let's play it.

You'll get an idea of how it works when you see it in action.

Okay? I seriously doubt that.

Get over there.

All right. Pick up the paddle.

All right, now, I'll hit the ball over the net

to you. You hit it right back to me, OK?

If you say so. All right, now, remember, if the

ball doesn't go over the net, you lose a point.

Ready?

Mm-hmm.

An ace buck.

It didn't go over the net.

I won.

Well, that was easy. What's next, Buck?

Not here. Is Colonel Deering with you, Buck?

Right here, sir.

Colonel, would you please report to my office?

Right away, sir.

And Buck, you might find this interesting, too. You're out.

Come on, Twiggy.

Our robot probes picked it up when it entered our solar system.

Like a letter from home.

No offense, Buck, but it just looks like more antique space junk to me.

Can I get a look inside?

Yes, if you like.

Good heavens, there's an astronaut.

Who could it be, Buck?

I can't be sure. That ship was flying recon in my time.

They might have taken training together at NASA.

I'd like to take a ship up there and get a better look.

Yes, of course. Take Tweaky with you in case

you have trouble with the airlock entry.

Our records show no further launches after yours, Captain Rogers.

Well, your records have been off before.

Yes, Buck's right.

There's a capsule up there with an astronaut aboard.

Come on, Twiggy, let's move it. Oh, boy.

Use caution, Captain Rogers.

All right, prepare for docking.

Easy does it.

Nothing to it.

Twiggy, is it safe to open this thing? It is if you push green, green, red, green.

Something must be wrong.

Maybe it's stuck.

Can you get it open, Tweaky?

You got it, boss.

Theo was right, Tweaky. It's a trap. Let's get out of here. Hey, what's going on?

Well, Tweaky, looks like we're about to take a trip.

The question is where.

Captain Rogers.

How good of you to drop by.

Great costume, Tiger Man. You going trick or treating?

Defiance. I've always liked that in a man.

What did you think of my ingenious invitation, Captain?

I was swept away by emotion.

Leave us.

Shall I order the ambiquad disassembled?

Do you ever have two broken arms, Buster?

No.

I'd like Captain Rogers' visit to be a pleasant one.

After all, a friendly ear in a strange place is such a comfort.

Put me down, you big ox.

Well, now that we're alone, Captain...

Why don't we make ourselves comfortable? A toast.

To friendships old and new.

All right, Princess. What have you got up your sleeve this time?

Why, nothing.

But myself, Captain.

Terrific.

Look, Princess, as soon as I'm missed,

the Defense Director's gonna send a rescue squad after me.

Granted.

When they discover you're missing, and when they figure out where you are,

by then you'll have had ample time to fulfill your mission here.

My mission?

Princess, we have been through this twice before.

We have irreconcilable differences, remember?

No, I don't.

Let's make the most of your time here, shall we?

Kane, is Lab 23 ready?

Yes, Princess.

Excellent. We'll be there immediately.

Come with me, Buck.

I have someone I want to introduce you to, an old friend.

I can't imagine a nice guy like me knowing anybody in a place like this.

On the contrary, Buck.

I think you'll find you both have a lot in common. Cain.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Holy cow. That's you, Buck.

Captain Buck Rogers. Meet Captain Buck Rogers.

Something you threw together in crafts class, Princess?

Alloy skeleton, vat-grown protoplasm.

The Empire's most sophisticated mini-computer for brains, Zygote Mark I,

which will... That's enough, Kane.

Fascinating likeness, except I'm alive.

So shall he be.

Once he's programmed to your neural responses,

Kane assures me we'll have a Captain Buck Rogers superior to the original model.

Once a dummy, always a dummy.

Shall we ready him for the New World Duplicator, Princess?

Alert! Intruder in Sector B. Alert!

I would be advised, Captain,

to remember you are only needed undamaged until the neural duplication is complete.

And you would be well advised, Kane, to keep your guards under control.

Captain Rogers is not to be harmed.

Yes, Princess.

Starfighter 1314, this is New Chicago Command.

Come in, Buck.

There's something wrong.

I'm going to check out a starfighter.

Yes.

Very well.

But be careful.

You look reasonably comfortable.

Well, it's not exactly a sport coat and slacks, but it'll do.

It's a neural capacitance suit.

Do tell.

Why am I wearing it?

Because, Captain, you have something we want.

I'm not feeling very generous.

Wherever you've been and whatever you've done is recorded

in the neural cells of your magnificent body.

This suit will duplicate those neural memories for us.

I pass.

Negative. No thanks.

Not today, Princess.

Don't be nervous, Buck. It's totally painless.

I'm not nervous. I just don't like the idea of your

machine tiptoeing through my neural memories.

Enough talk. Let's begin the search.

Pleasant dreams, Captain.

Randall, I said no.

Katie, if you touch that machine, I'll... You'll what, Captain?

Anesthetize it.

There.

His military experience.

Record the patterns.

We found the ship. Both Buck and Tweaky are gone,

and there's no sign of the capsule.

Then they must have boarded it.

Begin a grid pattern. Search immediately, Colonel.

Acknowledged. Dearing out.

Any data on that robot probe, Doctor?

The probe routinely recorded a ship's arrival at those coordinates.

Obviously, Buck's shuttle.

Twenty minutes later, the probe logged a departure from that area.

The capsule.

But its power should have been exhausted a century ago.

Display.

This is an electromagnetic pattern.

The fingerprint of the capsule's drive.

Any known pattern?

This readout is characteristic of the draconian imperial drive units.

They match. That wasn't a space relic after all. It was an imperial trap.

What have they done with Buck? What's going on?

That's not very neighborly.

As a matter of fact, it's not even friendly.

Look at those reaction times.

They're twice that of draconian norms. It's absolutely incredible.

Not as incredible as my zygote will be.

I seriously doubt that.

If you doubt me, why are you aiding me?

Because it amuses me, Cain.

We have enough data to terminate the illusion.

Bravo, Captain.

All right, you fooled me, Ardala.

But fighting holographic images isn't like the real thing.

On the contrary, Captain Rogers.

We created holographic situations which are twice as critical as the real thing.

We recorded your every marvelous response.

My zygots will be most appreciative.

Guards, take Captain Rogers back to his cell.

He must be very tired.

Why are they doing this?

They're programming that Zygote to be me.

Then they're gonna send it back to Earth.

What for, Buck?

What are they trying to do?

I wish I knew.

Your father should be very pleased with your addition

to his suggestion that we destroy New Chicago.

Yes.

It will be much easier dealing with Earth once we do away with that stuffy Dr.

Hubert and that detestable Colonel Dearing.

You are truly your father's daughter.

Everything is ready. Shall we go?

Not yet.

Bring Rogers to me.

What for?

You are not to question my orders, Cain.

Ever.

Yes, Princess.

You sent for me?

I did indeed.

Make yourself comfortable.

I need to make a decision, Buck.

And I need your help.

Another test?

Not exactly.

Not everything has to be work.

Some things are simply pleasure.

I may be a draconian princess, but I still have feelings.

If I told you that I'd adjusted to the idea that...

Our relationship was one-sided.

That your feelings for me would never be as intense as my feelings for you.

Would you simply be my consort?

I'm not your husband.

No.

Am I your slave?

No, Buck, never.

I'm sorry. I can't.

But how can you reject me?

I'm a draconian princess.

Buck!

Look at me.

Am I so horrible?

Am I not beautiful enough for you?

You're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.

Then why can't you love me?

I can't change my feelings simply because you want me to.

But how do you know, Buck? You've never tried.

Love isn't something that two people can try to make happen.

They either have something very special or they don't.

And we don't, Sardella.

I'm sorry.

Captain Buck Rogers.

You think you're so special, one of a kind.

Well, I have an answer for that.

If I can't have you one way, I'll have you another.

Hey, princess, how you doing?

Who's this clown?

Oh, yeah, that's right. You're me.

What's happening?

Listen, I'm really looking forward to meeting this Wilma Dearing, man.

She is one sharp chick. She's something else. Well, there goes my reputation.

Hey, you can't talk that way about me.

Hey, you're good, but I'm good too. Remember, I have your mouse-like reflexes.

Mouse-like? Correction, cat-like.

Well, you got a real winner there, princess.

When are you going to teach him to walk and chew gum at the same time?

Out.

Out.

Your wish is my command.

Gentlemen, please be careful.

After all, I am the master of all.

Hey, take it easy, princess. Remember, brick walls are not a castle keep.

Oh, shut up!

I believe I've located Twiggy on board the Draconian ship, Doctor.

Yes, those are his EM transmissions.

Fortunately, they're close enough to Earth to get a tight beam through.

Twiggy?

Can we use you as a relay to Buck?

Twinkie.

Will you stop playing games?

This isn't a game, Buck. This is Dr. Hewer.

It is you, Doc. Are you all right? Can you report?

Excellent.

They've finally gotten through, but don't let Captain Rogers reveal our plan.

I don't have all the pieces yet, but as near as I can figure, they found a way to...

We're getting distortion from solar flares.

We're losing your signal.

Can you get out of your cell?

Well, I can try.

What then?

Wilma's waiting half a parsec from the mothership.

I'll be right there.

I hope.

Twiggy, returning control to you.

Thank you. I feel funny.

Well, never mind that. If you can get that door open, we'll both be going home.

Sure.

Are the men in position?

Yes, Princess. The magic touch.

Let's go, Tweety.

Let's go, Buck.

Alert! Alert!

Intruder in sector B. Roger that, let's go! All security guards,

report to your stations. Go three.

Repeat. All security guards, report to your stations.

Where are you, Buck?

Buck!

Hey, wait for me.

Go wait in the storage room while I pre-flight the ship.

Oh, I think I'm in trouble.

Buck, what happened?

This is Captain Buck Rogers calling Earth Defense Directorate. Come in.

Is that you, Buck?

That's a big Roger. I'm on my way home.

Thank heavens. You're both safe?

That's a negative, Wilma. Twinkie didn't make it.

I'm sorry, Buck.

I'll meet you at the Stargate.

Come on, Buck, let's go home.

That's a big 10-4.

Why the long face, Captain?

Buck Rogers is on his way home.

Boy, you guys are cypher stiff eyes.

I'm sorry about Tweaky, but we'll program another ambiquad just like him.

Oh, Dr. Huard, Tweaky wasn't just another ambiquad. He was Buck's best friend,

and it just wouldn't be the same, would it, Buck?

Who knows?

I guess not.

I understand.

You know, I'd forgotten how beautiful you are.

Well, I'm glad to see you too, Buck.

I think.

As you see, Captain, you can be replaced.

Do you feel better now?

That Zygote was just the first.

There will be three more, and they are all programmed to destroy New Phoenix.

Using your neural patterns and our hatchet fighters,

they'll slip through Earth's defense forces like they're not even there.

We'll bring you up to watch the attack, Buck. After all, you are the star.

All three of you.

And if you're wondering about the prototype,

he's armed with a one kiloton nuclear device,

which is programmed to detonate when he's with New Chicago's three top leaders.

Buck?

Are you all right?

Sure.

Hi, Wilma.

Thinking of Tweaky?

Tweaky?

Oh, yeah, I'm really at the dumps about him.

Buck, you haven't been taking care of your plants.

Plants?

That's right, I like plants, don't I?

What's wrong?

I saw something on board the Draconian ship, something important.

It could help us against Ardala and Kane.

Well, what is it?

I'm not sure. They have me so doped up.

Maybe when we got together with Dr. Hewer and Dr. Theopolis, they could pull it out.

Well, of course, as soon as Dr.

Hewer comes back from inspecting the outer defenses, we'll meet.

Great.

It'll be very explosive stuff.

Ready? Ready as I'll ever be. You guys fighting or dancing?

You're insulting a draconian soldier, Irv Trash.

Oh, is that what you call yourselves?

Well, I'd show you how to use those toys, but you'd probably bruise easily.

Besides, I like a good fight.

Irv Trash, come fill the sting of a draconian soldier's stunt stick.

That's smart.

Nice work, champ. They never laid a glove on you.

Some days the magic works.

And some days it doesn't.

Do you still think your Buck Rogers will be better than the real man?

These are Imperial combat weapons, not my Buck Rogers. And yes,

they will be able to do anything he can, only twice as well.

Really?

Ooh, that tickles, Buck.

I knew it. They had you bugged.

That's how they knew we were gonna try and escape.

No wonder I felt so funny.

Yeah.

Now we can try and figure a way to sabotage Kane's duplicating

machines without them listening in on it.

Do you have a plan? That's an idea.

I'm the master mold, right?

A flawed master mold means ruined production models.

I just can't figure out a way to flaw me.

If you were a computer, I could short-circuit you.

That's it.

What's it?

If you could send a low voltage current through my body,

it would jangle my neural responses for about 20 minutes or so.

And curl your hair too, Buck. Well, more importantly,

it could give Kane and Ardala some very shocking results.

All right. Ready, Buck?

I'm receiving strange synaptic responses. If I didn't know any better,

I'd say he'd been drinking Antarian brandy.

Nonsense, Kane.

Continue programming the captain's clones.

Perhaps I've been too harsh with you, King. Yes, much too harsh.

Well, I'm glad somebody else noticed.

I was beginning to think I was crazy.

Oh, no, not at all.

He's just not the same Buck Rogers.

It's almost as if his spirit is missing.

Yes.

It's so strange.

A possibility.

Psychosurgery while a prisoner.

That's conceivable.

Which would mean...

Hey, gang, what's going up?

Hi, Buck. Correction should read what's coming down.

Wilma?

Dr. Hewer?

Dr. Theopolis?

We're finally all together.

Red alert.

Red alert.

Evacuate level three.

What is it, Doctor?

Security sensors have detected a draconian bomb.

Radiation profile indicates explosion is imminent.

Where is it?

A red alert search is being conducted at this moment.

What are you doing here?

The bomb is in this room. It's somewhere right here.

Excuse me, sir.

Detonation minus five seconds. Four, three, two, one.

Bomb destroyed.

End red alert. Red alert terminated.

It wasn't Buck, it was a robot.

Yes.

Doctor, I want you to put all Earth units on full wartime alert.

We just don't know when Princess Ardala will make her next move.

Well, it looks like the end of the line for Rogers the Robot, eh, Ardala?

I gotta tell you, Kane, your Zygote just doesn't have what it takes.

That was only the prototype.

The production models are far superior.

Computer tests prove that they are capable of defeating any Earth unit easily,

despite your childish attempt to sabotage their programming.

Captain Rogers appears worried.

Perhaps, Kane, for once, you've got something.

We are ready to strike. Shall I give the order?

Patience, Kane, dear.

First, send the zygots to my chambers. I wish to inspect them personally.

You see, Buck, with three Buck Rogers...

You become shall we say, redundant?

At ease, Captains Rogers.

Make yourselves at home.

I've waited a lifetime for this moment.

Not quite yet.

Be patient.

Join me.

That sounds intense.

I intend it to be.

Maybe later.

I'm into my own space right now.

Typical bomber driver.

Doesn't know how to handle anything, including a woman.

How would you handle a woman?

Easy on the controls.

Pre-flight are real slow. Why are you waiting for clearance?

There was this one honey at Clark when I was flying F-16s with the Widowmakers.

Gently.

She was fine.

But those F-16s, they were really sweet.

I remember one mission.

What can she conceivably do with three buckruthers for an hour and a half?

Wild weasel ship said there was a SAM-12 on my tail,

so I had right rudder grayed out.

Hold it, fly boy.

What?

What about the woman?

What woman?

I'm talking about F-16s.

I know. I know, but two hours.

There's more to life than flying, Princess.

What did you have in mind?

Soft music.

Slow dancing.

What's the matter, Princess?

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

¶¶

What do you want, Ardalla?

Nothing, never mind.

I am Princess Ardala.

Cain.

Yes, Princess?

Those Zygots, they had better know something about fighting.

I want you to launch the attack against Earth immediately.

As you wish, Princess.

Earth is defenseless against you.

And now, my zygots, your instructions.

Two of you will engage the Earth Starfighters and keep them at bay.

A third will avoid all combat and will obliterate

New Phoenix with an anti-matter bomb.

For the Empire.

For the Empire.

Okay, Twiggy, you got it? Sounds like a real long shot.

Well, how was your party, Princess?

The Zygots were launched ten minutes ago.

Soon, New Phoenix will be a memory.

You notice how she never answered my question, Twiggy?

Party must have been a bust.

For our dollar.

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Bride.

Bride.

Bride.

What's the matter with you?

Who, me?

Me?

Me?

Me?

Another zygote!

I've been deceived.

You know, Tweaky, sometimes you almost have to feel sorry for princesses.

Almost.

Let's truck, Buck. Come on.

Here it is. It's coming in now.

Hatchet fighters.

First wave of Princess Ardala's attack.

Scramble all squadrons. Penetration section Oboe 3.

You lead the first squadron, Colonel.

Intercept those fighters and destroy them.

Yes, Doctor.

He's escaped in one of your hatchet fighters masquerading as a zygote.

Impossible.

But I saw that zygote in the cell.

Readouts from the beings in those three ships.

No human would register a positive electrostatic pulse reading.

This way, Twiggy.

He'll never make it.

The port's closing, Buck.

Hang on, Twiggy. It's gonna be a tight squeeze.

Something must be wrong.

Even my zygots can't control a ship at that rate of speed.

There is no error.

It's impossible to capture him now.

He's on an intercept with our attack force.

That's just fine.

Fine? What do you mean, fine?

What can one Buck Rogers possibly do against three?

We shall see, Cain.

We shall see.

Echo Element. Deploy as high squadron. Victor Element. Fingers 4.

Enter your station. This is Buck Rogers. Emergency transmission.

Buck?

Is that you?

Yeah, it's me.

Running about half a light second behind three more me's.

Here comes the cavalry, Wilma.

Twinkie, it really is you, Buck.

I think so.

Wilma, you're about to run up against three of the fastest,

nastiest ships you've ever seen, piloted by three duplicates of me.

What are your tactics, Buck?

Don't close. Don't let them get on your tail.

They'll try to bounce you from the rear quarter.

I'm on my way.

They're all over us. We can't hold.

Alert.

One of them has broken through. Objective?

Okay, Buck Rogers, looks like I win this time.

One more second and no more New Phoenix.

No, you don't. Hang tough, Wilma.

That's two down, one more to go.

It's your turn to go, bro. Give me your best shot.

All right. Catch.

Boring, Buck. Boring.

Your move, which way you gonna break?

Just keep your eyes open, son.

Which one?

Which one?

Way to go, Wilma.

You should have known your plan was destined to fail.

The plan was flawless, Princess.

It was the execution that failed.

Kane, it was doomed from the start, believe me.

There's only one Buck Rogers.

Now that is a ping-pong table.

I like to ping-poo better.

Interesting, yes.

I must say, it's very interesting. You want to play, Doc? Oh, I think not.

Hey, come on, Doc. I'll show you the ropes. It's easy.

Ball.

Paddle.

You hit the ball over the net with the paddle.

Here we go again.

Am I holding it correctly?

That's just fine.

Now when I hit the ball to you, you hit it back, okay? You ready? Here we go.

That's it.

Hey!

Not bad for a beginner.

Yeah, rather.

Quite good, actually.

Here we go again.

You know...

If I didn't know better, I'd think I was being hustled. Hustled?

What hustled?

No, it's just me, Doc. I'm kind of beat.

I feel like something a dog dragged in.

Cat dragged in, Buck.

Uh-oh, there's something fishy going on here, folks.

Dr. Hewer, it sounds like... I got malfunction.

It can't be.

It just can't be. Gotcha.

¶¶