Original subtitles

There are some people who could harbor a grudge against you.

Whose side are you on?

Box experiences must be relived using mind probes in an attempt to solve

the mysterious riddle that promises imminent doom to the Earth.

The only ones who can stop us are our enemies.

The year is 1987, and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes.

In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William Buck Rogers,

are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life

support systems and returns Buck Rogers to Earth 500 years later.

¶¶

What's going on? The entire complex is under alert. Yes, I know.

Ten minutes ago, our orbital defense system registered the

presence of hundreds of alien objects in Earth's orbit.

Our scanners say that they're out there,

But our fighter squadrons have made no visual contact.

Could something be jamming their sensors?

Perhaps, I don't know, but it's highly unlikely.

Doctor, my sensors detect a tightly focused energy beam penetrating our... Oh, dear.

Doesn't anybody bother to knock anymore? Dr. Theophilus, what is it?

Unknown, Doctor.

My sensors are unable to penetrate its exterior.

However, in light of its unusual materialization,

I would suggest securing the entire directorate complex immediately.

Good idea. I'll secure the basement. Not Twinkie.

Oh, rats.

It's possible. This object does not register in my sensor.

This may sound crazy, but have you considered touching that thing? Touching it?

Yeah, it may not be a weapon at all. It may be some kind of communication device.

Touch activated.

That could be awfully risky, Buck.

Would you rather leave it here and turn it into a plant stand?

After all, Doc, your sensors aren't doing you any good.

What have you got to lose?

Nothing, really.

Whoever sent it here has obviously developed a highly

sophisticated method of matter transmission.

Anyone capable of that could have killed us all long ago.

I think Buck's suggestion is a good one.

Here goes.

Wait, Buck.

Be careful, please.

Here we are.

What do I know? Killed by a yo-yo.

What a way to go.

You're right, Buck. It is a communicating device.

Yeah, look what it's communicating.

A man out of old Earth's past.

It's the key to the next and the last.

But you won't solve this riddle till the end is the

middle and Terran sands disappear with a blast.

That last line sounds ominous.

Whoever sent this could teleport an entire Starfleet into the Earth's orbit and

decimate us before we had a chance to scramble a single fighter squadron.

Why haven't they done it already? Why are they playing games, writing limericks?

Limericks?

Yeah, limericks.

An old and honorable form of literature, Wilma.

Goes back even before my time.

Obviously, the puzzle was specifically geared to you, Buck.

The man out of old Earth's past is a clear reference to you.

No, no. It says I hold the key to the first and the last.

Which means to the life and the death of the Earth.

While we're using the psych probes, we'll be able

to refer to this mysterious, is it limerick?

I'm sure that you know as well as I do that there are

some people who could harbor a grudge against you.

This scan will help us select the most likely candidates.

So just lie back and relax.

To mine drift.

That's it.

Well, that's enough drifting for now.

Perhaps you could concentrate on one or two of the words in the riddle.

That might trigger some memories.

Let's see.

There's a thing about the key.

We used a lot of keys when we rescued that girl Felina from Sinaloa.

Never mind that. Karl Morf has just arrived.

Oh, terrific. That's about as good as the news I've got.

Well, couldn't you get anything out of that man that was following you?

Oh, yeah, I know exactly where they're keeping Felina.

Well, that's good news.

I also found out it's virtually impossible to

get there without one of four existing keys.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I was gonna try to lift one off Sanitation Module 07.

It doesn't make us round till after midnight. And if Morpheus is here now,

we might as well start packing.

Buck, who else has a key?

A couple of Veloci's goons.

And Veloci?

Naturally.

Marla?

You'll have to wait just a minute.

I don't mind to wait.

And with this, I really have to.

I thought you'd feel that way.

I'm sorry to spoil your plans this evening, Mr. Velocity.

Yes, I am disappointed.

Until now.

Killer!

Please don't move!

Now, get over there where you want. Let's move.

Let's take that key you're so proud of, Mr. Pelosi.

You both will die before you leave the city. You think so, huh? Okay,

get over there. Come on, move.

If I were you, I'd worry more about how you're gonna

get out of here, Mr. Pelosi. All right, let's go.

All right, get down to the ship and prepare for takeoff. I'll get Felina.

You got the detonator?

I'm all set. I'll see you at the ship.

Why, Buck Rogers, what are you and that lady up to?

Later, Tangy.

Looks to me like it's something very dishonest.

I don't have time, Tangy.

If you don't help me find my way out of this city,

security's gonna get a call from me.

Next time I'm in town.

You won't get away with it, Buck!

Now I want you to close your eyes,

and very soon you shall find yourself afloat in a sea of color and sounds,

and then blackness, and then everything.

Everything shall come to an end.

His name is Buck Rogers. He just hit the alarm.

Let's get out of here.

Morgan Veloci is a formidable opponent in his home territory.

But he hardly commands the resources necessary

to mount a massive attack on the Earth.

All right.

Let's look at the limerick again.

Now, that last line, um, and Terran sands disappear in a blast.

Oh, that's sand.

Desert.

Sounds like Zeta Minor.

And come to think of it, Zeta Minor started with a blast, too.

I hope you're wearing your climate shoes because

I think that elevator's out of order.

Come on.

Escape is not possible. Prisoners will report

to the day room. Escape is not possible.

Prisoners will report to the day room. Escape is not possible.

Jen, you've been in there for ten months. He's never gonna spring you out.

He's gonna leave you and the secrets of those murders buried in there forever.

Listen, I don't care about you,

so why don't you stop pretending you care about me

and who I am and why I am and just leave me alone? Sam, quit!

Can we talk about this?

Okay, big ugly, come on.

Sometimes a frontal assault works best. All right, move. Get over there.

You all right?

I'm fine. You know, rescuing you is getting to be a full-time occupation.

All right, all of you. We're marching out of here single file.

Not quite, Colonel.

Drop your weapons now.

Of course, frontal assaults do have their drawbacks.

Why is he after me? What is it?

It's your bracelet.

Be my guest.

According to my locator banks,

the android Hugo is still at large somewhere on Zeta Minor.

I suggest we proceed, Buck.

We really must continue, Dr. Huer.

Well, so much for him.

What's that?

The censor is in my office.

Your key to that strange object.

It's gone. Well, so much for the yo-yo.

I'll be going now. Sorry, Twiggy.

I think everything's far from over. In fact, I think it's just beginning.

It seems the object has served its function.

I wonder what else we can expect.

Let's get on with this. I got a feeling we don't have much time.

How about Roderick Zeal?

The guy who kidnapped the Hieronymus Fox of Genesia.

Sale is certainly resourceful enough, and quite possibly, ruthless enough.

Greetings, Mr. President.

My name is... Your name is Roderick Zell.

Your specialty is political abduction,

and your modus operandi sticks out like a sore thumb.

Half the galaxy probably knows you're the one who snatched me.

You're as perceptive as I was told.

How much are you asking for me?

A reasonable price.

6,000 kilograms of pure quadrillion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ain't no way the Genesians are gonna cough up that much loot, pal.

I don't even think we got that much quadrillion on the whole planet.

Then they'd better find it somewhere.

Or within a week, their technological miracle worker will die.

Oh, come on, Zell. I'm worth more to you alive than dead any day of the week.

Even if the Genesians don't pay up,

you can make a fortune selling my brains to the highest bidder.

So don't give me any of that Dr. Doom jive.

You better take pretty good care of me if you

know what's good for you, starting right now.

We're not going to tell them where the kid is, and that's that.

Yes, but Buck, they'll kill us.

The woman's right, Rogers.

If you do know where the president is hiding down there, you'd better tell us.

Otherwise, you'll both die very shortly.

And if we do tell you, we'll probably still die, won't we?

There are many ways to die.

Long and short.

Uh... Uh, hi there.

I bet you're wondering what I'm doing in your parcel bin. Actually,

I'm not a real person at all.

I'm a dog. That's it.

A pre-programmed cybernetic dog. My name is Ken.

Mr. President, are you all right?

Before I answer that, Whose side are you on?

Yours.

Colonel Dearing from the Earth Defense Directorate.

How did you get away from Zale?

Nothing to it. I just did a quick impersonation of a sack of groceries.

Well, I guess I'm a little late. No, you're just in time.

Now, my bodyguard, Dea Certain, is here on Aldebaran.

She and somebody named Buck Rogers are on their way to Giselle's place right now.

Buck?

Yeah, and if we don't get back there and help them, they're both gonna get wasted.

You know what wasted means.

Sorry. Can't let you do that.

I'm terribly sorry about this, Captain,

but I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you.

Coroner Zale, come in, Zale.

Mr. Zale!

Mr. Zale!

Maybe he slipped back under his rock.

Shut up.

Also, help me, I'll kill you right here and now.

I think she might have something to say about that.

That one is almost as old as you are.

Old but true, Mr. Corrin.

Mighty nice shooting, Colonel.

Thank you, Mr. President.

True, Roderick Sale is a cunning, dangerous criminal,

but his personality index would seem to indicate a cold-blooded pragmatist

not inclined to seek revenge on such a grandiose scale.

You want to run that by me again?

I said, Roderick Sale... Forget it.

Till the end is the middle.

What is that supposed to mean?

This is like trying to work your way through a maze. It's almost Byzantine.

Hmm, Byzantine, Byzantine.

Xantia.

Let's start off with a kind of a puzzle,

a mayday from two women on board a space yacht.

Let's take a crack at that.

This is Earth Starfighter 1314. I'm approaching at 50 degrees.

This is the space yacht Aurora. We have you on scanner.

Uh, do you have video transmission capability? Sure do.

How's that?

Uh, fine.

Couldn't be much better.

You are to follow the yellow landing tracer to docking area two.

The slightest variation from that course will result in your destruction.

Xandia landing control out.

Thanks.

Welcome to Xandia.

Ladies, please get ready. We start the bidding at 400.

This prime Terran male is an excellent investment.

1,600 from the unseen lady on monitor four.

Do I see more? 2,200.

3,000. 3,000 on the monitor from bidder number four.

Do I hear more?

The bid is now 4,000. Do I hear five? 12,000. Going once.

Going twice, 20,000.

Going once at 20,000. Going twice at 20,000.

Sold to bidder number four for 20,000 credits.

But I gotta stay unconscious for long. Let's get out of here. Move!

Buck Rogers, Discord Leader, do you read?

Leader, DS-1314, I've got you on the scanner.

Who's that, Major Norris? Affirmative.

What are you doing up here, Captain Rogers?

This is Colonel Deering. Don't listen to him, Major.

Wilma?

I know what you intend to do, Buck, and I can't let you do it.

Wilma, don't try to stop me.

What you're doing will force the Earth and Ruatha to go to war.

You're jeopardizing thousands and thousands of lives.

Colonel Daring. There's too much at stake, Major.

Open fire. Full pulsars.

Wilma, listen to me. I know what I'm doing.

You're sending us right into war.

Wilma, you know me. Trust me.

I think Zanty has a dead end, Buck.

I tend to agree, Colonel.

Our sensors have picked up another energy beam heading straight for...

Here we go again.

What is it?

Looks like an hourglass.

It's a device for measuring time. And from the looks of this one,

we only have a couple of hours until it runs out.

I think somebody's trying to tell us something.

There's not a lot of time left.

Wilma, think about Corliss and Roxanne.

Mm-hmm. The last time, they were gonna use

ancient nerve gas to poison our atmosphere.

And to destroy it.

And we needed Noah Cooper's help in penetrating necrosis asteroids.

Now stay close behind me and do exactly what I do.

Watch for falling rocks.

Enemy craft approaching. They're moving through the asteroids.

OK, start breathing again, everyone.

Stop breathing. We got company.

Look alive, tail gunners.

Nice shot, Big Red.

It looks like they're sending up reinforcements.

We'll retreat temporarily to the asteroids.

Surrender at once or be destroyed. Proceed to Victor 9, 4KV, coordinate C.

We will tractor beam you into the hangar.

You hear that, Noah? They've been captured.

I heard.

What do we do, Noah?

What can we do? We've lost them.

We've lost them.

Have you ever been in a fire, Rogers?

Or should I say, have you ever been on fire?

No, I can't say that I have.

Do you know what pain is, Rogers?

There are all kinds of pain.

Oh.

I'm talking about a pain that's so intense,

the only way you can stop it is to have its source removed.

How you're going to wish we had surrendered, Colonel Deering?

Bomb away.

Wilma, get the door. You, get over there.

You missed.

We saw a big red. Come on back up. Now it's our turn.

Hold it steady. Almost there. Second enemy bomber approaching.

Quick, get in here.

Ready?

Right. Hang on.

Bomb away.

This one's gonna hit!

Yo, where are Roxanne and Corliss now?

According to our locator pegs.

They are both in the detention rehabilitation complex on Lycast Alba.

Not so much for that theory.

Wait a minute. What about our man with the magic hands, the slave master?

Khalil.

Let me see. That was on...

When we went to investigate the poisoning of the Earth's food supplies. So!

You will descend upon the Earth like meteors!

The only ones who can stop us are those enemies among us,

those who are weak and faithless, those who do not believe. These are our enemies.

Get out! Don't either one of you raise even a hair.

Good heavens!

What was that?

Careful.

Sorry, Buck.

Are you OK?

No thanks to our host.

The almighty Khalil, I presume.

And you are? Captain Buck Rogers.

Let's just get rid of him.

Rest assured, he and Colonel Deering will meet

the same fate as Rhyma, but first things first.

Now that Earth knows of my plan, What do your people intend to do?

Prepare for your attack, naturally. And with our remaining forces,

we'll give you a reception you'll not soon forget.

You are lying!

All right, now keep your eyes on that turkey in the back. He's the one we want.

Now we're gonna go right up the middle. You guys open the hole, I'll nail him.

Okay, guards, take out these tackles.

Stop them, you fools!

Hey, nice double teaming over there, whoever you are. Gordon's the name, thanks.

We met Gordon? I don't think so, Captain.

We're from different times.

Eat lead, sucker.

Lead? What lead?

Tweaky, what are you talking about?

Nice shooting, Captain Rogers.

Thanks, Bridger.

Twiggy.

Gordon, where'd you learn to shoot like that?

I've been doing that sort of thing since before

you were born, Captain. I think so. Young man.

I know, sir.

Come on, gang, we got some cleaning up to do downstairs.

According to our locators,

Khalil escaped from the revolutionaries who captured him and now wanders

the Vistulin Desert trying to enlist its inhabitants as followers.

A harmless lunatic.

How about it a second? I got an idea.

Remember the Legion of Death? In order to infiltrate them,

I had to take on the identity of an assassin, Raphael Argus.

Raphael, Argus. Three months ago, you killed a man named Cleese.

Let me guess, uh, he was your, uh... Brother.

I knew it'd be something like that.

To destroy a city that large,

you need an earthquake or a tidal wave or an anti-matter explosion.

You're joking, of course.

Far from it.

New Chicago receives its power from a contra-terrene generating

plant located in the wasteland outside the city.

And if someone were to sabotage that reactor?

Allowing the matter and antimatter to mix uncontrollably.

And everything for 200 square kilometers would be atomized instantly.

Very good, Kellogg.

Eric, go in there and dispose of him.

He'll think that was you.

Why'd you do that?

This is why.

This is who I am.

The thing about Kellogg is he wouldn't waste time with these riddles.

He'd want me to know up front that it was him, and how he was going to kill me,

and how much it would hurt.

So we're back where we started.

Yeah, except... The hourglass is almost empty.

All right, it's your turn now, Toogie.

Let's see if your memory bank can help us any. Now, hold still.

You're tickling me. I'm not tickling you. Hold still.

You are. Tweaky, you're supposed to be remembering

what happened on the Lear and Queen.

All right.

This is your captain speaking.

Now that all our passengers are aboard,

we're accelerating to light speed for a slow, leisurely cruise to Stargate One.

After leaving the Stargate, we'll enter the Vegas system,

where we'll make our first stop on Sutter's World.

How do you do?

A planet renowned for its fair climate, colorful indigence,

and remarkable hospitality.

Wilma's looking real foxy.

Booty, booty, something from the bar, sir.

Hold the phone.

Booty, booty, booty.

Oh, you'll have to excuse me for staring. I've never met a 500-year-old man before.

Oh, that's all right. I've never met a genetically perfect woman before either.

Think of the permutations.

Stupid, weak, nibbling little creature.

How do you put up with her?

I like part of her.

My part, you mean?

What you are suggesting, Buck, is that Allison Michaels is a transmute,

a split personality, with the genetic ability to transform itself

in times of stress into one of two or more separate entities.

All we have is a theory. We can't act without evidence.

Then what we have to do is capture her as Sabrina.

What a good dancer you are, Tweety.

Bump taught me all I know.

They call this one the bump.

Uh-oh.

I've never seen a dance like that before, Tweety.

That's all we can do for now.

The laser will draw power from the ship very

slowly so that the monitors will not detect.

When it peaks, the laser will be in full effect.

Its blade will start dissecting her quite automatically.

Hi, guys. What's the matter, Tweaky?

It's only, though, 300 hours. I'm bushed.

Now, just a minute, Tweaky.

If you think you're going to retire for the evening

without hearing from me, you're quite incorrect.

Your behavior ever since you set foot on this ship has been abominable.

Tweaky?

Tweaky?

Tweaky?

Tweaky?

Well...

We've only got one candidate left. And all this hardly seems to be her style.

What do you mean, not her style? She's ruthless, arrogant, and power-hungry.

Yeah, but aside from all that, what's wrong with her?

Anything about it look familiar, Buck?

Negative.

I've never seen anything like it.

Did you hear that, Dr. Hewer?

Wherever it came from, it is now sustaining a position directly over New Chicago.

We can only assume it's some kind of weapon, so destroy it, now!

Yes, sir.

It was of no effect.

Activate Omega Defense Program immediately.

It's glowing.

Dr. Ewers releasing a beam of energy.

Very shortly, I will succeed my father to the throne of Draconia.

And according to our laws, within a year of doing so,

I must wed the most physically and genetically sound human male available,

or lose my throne to a successor.

Well, I have found just such a man right here on Earth.

And unless you turn him over to me for the wedding ceremony,

our pyramid weapon will destroy the Earth city by city by city.

That man, of course, is Captain Buck Rogers.

Tribal courtship rituals can be fascinating.

Tell me, just out of curiosity, what happens in phases two and three?

In the second phase, you prove your worthiness for

me by competing in the arena with Tiger Man.

Of course, if you win tomorrow, the third phase will take place at noon.

The great event itself, the wedding ceremony.

You will be joined with Princess Ardala forever.

He's destroying the weapon! Do something! All right, Doc,

I'm getting the power feedback now.

Of course, I hate to admit this,

but even Princess Ardala wouldn't slaughter innocent people without a reason.

If this were all her doing, I think we... Good Lord!

Is something else gonna materialize?

Yes.

Whoever's responsible uses a directional beam

to lock in coordinates for materialization.

This precedes the teleport beam by several minutes.

Now, according to our sensors,

the next object is due to materialize in your apartment, Buck.

It's the killer, Yo-Yo. No, I don't think so, Twinkie.

What in the galaxy?

Hamburgers, french fries, milkshakes, champagne.

No, it can't be.

Dr. Hero, what day is today? Uh, it's Deco 31, isn't it?

December. December 31st. It's New Year's Eve.

And there's only one other person in the galaxy who would know what that means.

Right on, Buck. I knew you'd figure it out.

Hieronymus.

Hey, what do you think of my new matter transmitter?

I wanted to give it a test over long distances,

so I thought I'd send you a little New Year's present.

And a riddle.

It beats crossword puzzles.

Cross what?

Forget it, Doc. It'd take hours to explain.

Hieronymus, your matter transmitter's a great idea,

but it's still got a few bugs in it.

Oh, yeah. Creates one heck of a magnetic field, doesn't it?

Hope it didn't bollocks up any of your alarm systems.

Oh, no, the whole planet's on General Earth. That's all.

Whoops.

Back to the drawing board.

That entire riddle was just about New Year's Eve, wasn't it?

Right. The first line was about you, the man out of old Earth's past.

Has the key to the next and the last?

Sure. Buck wouldn't know about an hourglass,

which was going to be the next thing that I sent you. After the last thing,

which was the riddle? A real, live 20th century limerick.

Tricky little devil, ain't you?

But you won't solve this riddle till the end is the middle.

Of course.

The end of the old year, the middle of the night, midnight.

And the tyrant stands disappearing.

Is the twist-o-hourglass you sent us.

When the sands disappear, they disappear with a... A blast, meaning a party.

And what's a party without milkshakes and bubbly

and fries and Rogelian lizard burgers?

Lizard burgers.

Hit it, maestro.

I wish I knew how you did that.

I gotta run, gang. These trans collective phone calls add up.

Have yourselves a happy one, and wait till you see my riddle next year.

Next year?

There's plenty of time to worry about that later.

For now, though, how about some good old-fashioned Genesian bubbly?

Was 2490 a good year?

How could it be? You weren't even around.

¶¶