Original subtitles

I want Buck Rogers. I think he'd make you a very bad spouse, Princess.

Princess Ardella returns with a diabolical scheme to bring

the Earth to its knees and Buck Rogers to the altar.

You will be joined with Princess Ardella forever.

Talk about shotgun weddings.

Strike, now!

Apostles have no offense!

The year is 1987, and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes.

In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William Buck Rogers,

are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which

freezes his life support systems and returns...

Anything about it look familiar, Buck?

Negative. I have never seen anything like it.

Did you hear that, Dr. Hewer?

Buck has just ruled out the possibility it's an ancient

probe that's fallen back to Earth's orbit.

Go easy on the word ancient, will you?

20th century.

What do you suggest we do next, Doctor?

Destroy it?

Well, we're not certain that it's unmanned. We can't.

Sensors indicate there's no life form aboard.

Dr. Theopolis has just informed me that the object's orbit has stabilized.

Wherever it came from, it is now sustaining a position directly over New Chicago.

We can only assume it's some kind of weapon, so destroy it, now!

Yes, sir.

Our puzzles have no effect.

The object has stopped tumbling.

One of its points is turning. Towards the Earth.

We must sound a general alert immediately.

It's glowing.

Dr. Hewer's releasing a beam of energy!

Activate Omega Defense Program, immediately!

Dr. Hewer!

Seems to say it hit, Wilma.

We're still here, Colonel.

It hit outside the city. Oh, it started to tumble again. Let's get back down there.

The weapon works perfectly.

We begin the annihilation of the Earth's cities upon your command.

There's been a slight change in plan, Kane.

I wish to send a subspace transmission to the Earth's Defense Directorate.

Those are not your father's instructions.

Emperor Draco specifically stated... I'm not deaf, Kane.

I heard my father's instructions.

I simply wish to make a few embellishments of my own.

Come along, Cain.

We have a transmission to make.

What's the latest on the weapon?

It's still holding a position directly above New Chicago. Hello, Doctor Hewer.

Hello, Princess.

Were you impressed by our target practice just now?

Well, I think you know the answer to that.

One of our two-year expeditions to the galactic center discovered the pyramid.

It was being used for mining by one of the planets there.

Naturally, we thought it had far greater potential.

Naturally?

It really is the ultimate weapon, Doctor.

You have no idea how it works or what can stop it,

and you have no time at all to find out.

It can destroy your spaceport and your city before you launch one ship.

Then why haven't you done it?

Well, I prefer to discuss it with the Earth Federation Council tonight.

You will arrange a reception for me.

And she will invite not only all of your leaders, but Buck Rogers as well.

I'm honored, Princess.

Well, hello, Captain Rogers.

I must say, you're still looking fit.

I trust I'll see you this evening.

A lot more depends on it than you might think.

What do you think you're doing?

Your orders were to destroy the Earth.

And your orders are to obey my wishes.

If you cannot do so, Cain, I'm sure I can find someone who can.

They're going to use that weapon to extort us.

Doctor, I'll need your help to locate Federation leaders.

Tweaky and I are at your service. Colonel Deering,

if you'll make arrangements for an honor guard for this evening's proceedings.

Yes, sir.

And Buck... I'll be there.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'd better go change.

I think about it, and yeah, it makes sense.

Thank you.

For the food, which is capable of destroying not only New Chicago,

but each and every city on the planet Earth, fulfill one simple request.

Very shortly, I will succeed my father to the throne of Draconia,

and according to a successor.

Well, I have found just such a man right here on Earth.

And unless you turn him over to me for the wedding ceremony,

our pyramid weapon will destroy the Earth city by city by city.

That man, of course, is Captain Buck Rogers.

Well, you're not my mother. For one thing,

my mother never had a key to my apartment.

Well, I happened to run into a maintenance drone in the corridor.

Seems like I'm not the first person he's let in here.

Yeah, well, you know how maintenance drones exaggerate.

What is all this stuff, anyway?

Oh, just some stuff I scarred from Dr. Junius

at the archives. Camping equipment, mostly.

I talked to Dr. Hewer.

Federation has no intention of sacrificing you to the Draconians.

For the time being, anyway, huh?

And Dr. Theopolis has a plan for destroying the weapon.

I'm going to sneak aboard the mother ship and try to locate the weapon's control.

That ship is two miles wide.

Without a blueprint, you don't stand a chance of finding the control center in time.

No, the Federation won't let you go.

Uh, are you going away?

Yep.

I've never seen you run away from anything before.

Well, you told me Dr. Hewer and Dr. Theopolis have everything under control, so...

If Argala wants me, she's gonna have to come find me.

I don't believe you, Buck.

We've been through too much together,

and you've risked your life too many times for me to

believe that you're running away from anything now.

Whatever you have in mind, please, be careful.

¶¶

Where is Buck Rogers?

He chose to decline your invitation, Princess.

It was hardly an invitation, Doctor.

Ah, my dear Princess, you must understand that Buck is from a different time.

His attitudes are annoyingly old-fashioned.

He's very stubborn and terribly independent. As a matter of fact,

I think he'd make you a very bad spouse, Princess.

Now, on the other hand, these two gentlemen have heard about your request,

and they have volunteered to take Buck's place,

and they have done so, I might add, eagerly.

I want Buck Rogers.

I don't want psychological profiles.

I don't want personal opinions.

And I certainly don't want some drooling byproduct of a Terran hormone experiment.

I want what I came for.

As spokesman for the Earth Federation Council,

I submit that we're not going to give you Buck Rogers.

Then within one hour, you will suffer the consequences.

Thank you, Tweety.

Oh, and thanks for helping me overhaul that old motorcycle.

I'll let you know how it handles over long distances.

Come on, I'll walk you as far as the transport tubes.

Well, come on, I gotta get going.

You're not really running, are you, Buck?

No, I'm not.

I can't tell you what I'm doing. Don't ask me why I can't. Then I'm going, too.

That's out of the question.

Tweaky, I didn't pack any spare transistors,

and Lord knows what you use for a toothbrush. Come on, come on, I'm wasting time.

All right, I'll leave you in here.

It's gonna get awfully lonely in here.

Suit yourself.

All right, come on. Yippee.

Far out.

Why are we stopping?

I think we're running low on fuel.

Yeah, we need to fill up.

Unleaded. There we go.

Only OPEC can see me now.

Where are we going, Buck? We'll find out when we get there.

Whatever you say. Marvelous.

Every cubic centimeter of New Chicago lies at my fingertips.

I can destroy it all at once, or piece by piece.

And if the Terrans turn over Buck Rogers,

how are you going to explain your act of mercy to your father?

Once Buck Rogers is in my possession, and we have re-entered Draconian space,

we can always send the weapon back to Earth, and then act out my father's wishes.

And once Rogers is within the Empire, we need never know Earth has been destroyed.

Very good, Kane.

I'm surprised at you.

Did you think of that possibility yourself?

All right. A little shaken, but I'm fine, Dr. Ewer.

I'm afraid that was another hit inside the city.

That's right, Cain.

I did no real damage.

I changed my mind.

Let's see if the Terrans have changed theirs.

Next time, Dr. Hewer, the damage will not be confined

to the unoccupied levels of a directorate building.

Unless Buck Rogers is delivered to me within two hours,

the weapon will destroy all of you.

This can only mean that the Federation leaders have failed

to come up with a plan to thwart Adala's weapon.

You'll have to see them.

And I think I know what they're going to tell me.

Nice place for a picnic.

That's not what we're here for, Tweaky.

Geron!

Geron!

Stay close to the bike, Tweaky. I'll be right back. I should have stayed home.

Garridan!

Garridan!

What's a Garridan?

Garridan, I came alone! Where are you? I need your help!

What am I, pickled herring?

Well, it looks like we wasted our time.

Cheer up. We can still have our picnic. Hey!

You liked me.

You brought him back. You came to kill me. You didn't stop it.

You came to kill me like all the rest.

Yeah, and I came alone to stop it.

Garrett, I came alone.

I promised I'd never tell anyone where you're at, and I kept my word.

Don't you remember? You came to me.

You were tired of the fighting, tired of the draconian slaughter.

You asked me to help you. Don't you remember?

You found me supplies, and...

You found me shelter.

You came along? Yes.

Why?

I need your help.

Stop right up in here.

You were an engineer on a draconian starship. You know their layout by heart.

Geridan, I need that knowledge.

So long ago, I don't remember. Try. Please, Geridan, try.

I can't remember. I don't want to remember.

The draconians. Deploy yourselves at once.

Geridan, please, just try to... Run.

I'll draw their fire.

How'd you find me?

I planted a tracer on Twiggy.

He didn't know about it.

Buck, I'm afraid you're going to have to come back with us.

We have no choice.

You'll get no argument from me, Doc.

I don't understand.

Geridan, I'm sorry.

I didn't know they'd follow me to you.

You know this person? His name's Geridan.

He was chief engineer on the Draconia.

Why should I help? Because if you don't,

the fighting and killing you ran away from will continue and get worse.

What do you want me to do?

Dr. Hewer, I know how you found us, but what were the Draconians doing out there?

They homed in on the same tracer we did. Of course,

they had no idea Garridan was out there.

And they won't.

Not as long as we keep those guards under detention.

There we are.

It's the basic engineering design of a draconian starship.

Unfortunately, their pyramidal weapon is so new,

we can't be sure of the location of the control room.

But if we were to analyze the power flow charts, Doctor,

we should be able to come up with three or four possible locations.

Dr. Hewer, there's no time for that.

I must remind you that Princess Ardala is expecting

Buck to arrive in her chambers within the hour.

Well, Dr. Hewer, would you be kind enough to prepare a shuttle for me?

After all, we don't want to keep the Princess waiting, do we?

Good evening, Princess.

Hello, Captain Rogers.

It's good to see you again.

You're looking... Well, what can I say?

Thank you.

I'll take that as a compliment. I assume you've had a pleasant journey.

Very.

Well, you couldn't have been more punctual.

Kane, inform the royal council and the witnesses that phase one has begun.

And leave us now.

You too, Tiger Man.

I couldn't be in safer hands.

You never did have him leashed, did you?

Humorous as always.

This is lovely.

You've had it redecorated since I was here last.

It's perfect for first phase stipulations.

Stipulations?

Yes, contractual requirements.

Sounds very romantic.

Well, for draconian royalty, the act of formal union,

marriage in the Terran vernacular, consists of three parts.

Of which phase one is the first part, I assume.

And the most enjoyable.

We drink, talk, dance...

And get to know each other much, much better.

In the days of antiquity, we called that dating.

Dating?

It's an old earth courtship ritual.

Boy meets girl, boy has girl out.

They go to dinner, movie, dancing.

And then?

And then later back to our place.

Turn the lights down kind of low.

Put a little music on the stereo audio-visual entertainment center.

Break it up with a little wine.

Snuggle up.

Tribal courtship rituals can be fascinating.

Tell me, just out of curiosity, what happens in phases two and three?

In the second phase, you prove your worthiness for

me by competing in the arena with Tiger Man.

Fascinating.

I'm not surprised that a man of your courage would feel that way, Buck.

Of course, if you win tomorrow, the third phase will take place at noon.

The great event itself, the wedding ceremony.

At which point, you will be given this.

Princess, I'm touched.

So I see, Captain.

And you'll be happy to learn that once it's fastened

around your neck, it cannot be removed.

As a symbol of my eternal devotion?

Eternal.

As your loyal and loving husband?

Very loyal and very loving.

You idiot!

I told you I didn't want to be disturbed.

What are you doing?

Since they've brought it, have them bring it in.

Do you think disturbing me twice is better than once?

For safekeeping.

Sorry about the interruption, Buck.

Shouldn't we share this with Tiger Man?

After all, he's going to need all the strength he can get tomorrow.

You're going to need all your strength tonight.

Delicious.

And Terran brandy.

To wedded bliss.

To the most genetically sound and physically attractive human male in the universe.

Tell me, that necklace, does it serve any other function aside from symbolic?

Well, let's say it's a gentle reminder of the eternal devotion you spoke of.

If you should do anything that displeases me,

an electronic signal will cause the band to shrink, tighten,

constrict to half its diameter around your neck.

Well, let's see, I wear a 16 collar.

That would make it about an eight, wouldn't it?

Specifically, Captain, it would make you dead within one tenth of a second.

Let's eat. I'm starving.

Buck should have arrived in the mothership an hour ago.

He should already be in our dollars chambers by now.

Unless, of course, the draconian scanning devices detected

the transmitter and weaponry we hid on his person.

Well, I was just trying to explore all the alternatives.

Yes, of course, I know.

Buckle me okay.

I hope so.

God only knows what he's going through right now.

Do you feel... What?

As good as I do?

Better.

There's just one thing that bothers me, though.

Oh, don't let anything bother you, fuck.

What happened to... You know, when I become your husband,

and you succeed into your father's throne?

Well, it's just that that kind of authority is pretty scary.

Yes.

I just hope I can live up to what you feel a draconian monarch should be.

Will you just let me rule the kingdom?

All you have to do is what you're doing right now.

Thanks, I will.

Buck's activated his subcutaneous transmitter.

Buck?

Can you hear me?

Not so loud, Doc. His transmitter's implanted a little too close for comfort.

Buck, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Security didn't catch the transmitter or the blacklight bomb in my ring.

Very well.

Now, according to our calculations, the control

room is on level five, sector 12. But...

Kane, I want an armed detail sent to my chambers immediately.

Dr. Hewer, I think I've invaded her.

Weapons control.

Right.

Now listen, get on the ball back there, will you?

I need to know the shortest route to one of the hangar bays.

Hold the charges!

You're a stubborn man, Rogers.

Maybe that's what the Princess sees in you.

They told me they found you on level five, Buck.

You didn't try to get to one of the hangar bays, did you?

Not at all.

I was simply taking a walk to clear my head. All that brandy, you know.

And to think that for a moment I believed you really wanted to be with me.

The arena is ready.

Captain Rogers isn't.

Tell him what's expected of him.

Using the weapons within the arena, you and Tiger Man will do battle.

You see, however symbolically, Buck, I must be won in order to be wed.

I've seen you fight. You use your brains,

whereas Tiger Man barely knows where his are. Of course, it is a fight to the death.

If you lose, you die.

Kane, inform the witnesses we may begin.

Captain Rogers is ready now.

Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha!

I'm not going to kill him.

Ow!

Well, it's obvious from Tiger Man's condition that Captain Rogers is the winner.

According to the law, Princess, there is no winner until one of them lies dead.

But it's the spirit of the law that must be obeyed,

not the letters. Isn't that right, Kane?

I'm glad you agree.

Since there are no objections, the wedding ceremony will go on as planned.

Well, for what it's worth, they seem to be keeping their word.

It might interest you to know,

the pyramid is in defensive orbit of the ship rather

than Earth. You see, we do keep our word.

How's it feel, Kane?

Having been Draco's right-hand man for all these years,

and then seeing not only the Draconian throne,

but our dollar herself given to another man, hmm?

Why don't you use that weapon against Draco? It's

his empire you want, not the Earth.

I'll simply wait for the inevitable, Captain Rogers.

Your execution.

Let us begin.

You look marvelous, Buck.

Thank you, so do you.

Kane!

As minister of my father's extraplanetary affairs, Kane will conduct the ceremony.

Those who are about to be joined, prepare yourselves.

At least the draconians did not discover Buck's transmitter implant.

He's stationary in our doll's chamber.

That must mean the ceremony's underway.

We shall commence with the sacred ritual of phase three.

Talk about shotgun weddings.

Having been singled out by the Royal Council... Intruder alert in sector G.

All security personnel turbled at six, seven, and nine.

Doc, Wilma, can you hear me?

Okay.

All right, gang, I'm in the control center.

Yippee.

All right, power's building up, Theo. How about some advice, huh?

What you're trying to do, Buck,

is to build up a maximum charge and give it nowhere to go.

He's in there!

Open it!

Fire! He's destroying the weapon! Do something!

All right, Doc, I'm getting the power feedback now. Buck, get out of there.

I said bring him here.

What are you waiting for?

Look at me when I speak to you.

I have given you a direct order, and I wish to be obeyed.

Pick up Captain Rogers and take him back to my chambers immediately,

or I will have you executed.

What are you doing?

It seems he intends to kill you unless you let them go.

After all, he does owe Buck Rogers his life.

Why, you pig-headed monster!

It would appear, Princess, it's either you or them.

What is your wish?

Let us go, Princess.

There'll be another time, another place. Won't there?

All right, Buck.

No.

Captain Rogers is correct.

There will be another time.

Tiger Man?

I owed you a life.

We are now even.

Well, thanks to Dr. Junius and the archives, he's listening to a tape of meatloaf.

Go and ask.

Buck, you do realize, had it not been a question of hundreds of thousands of lives,

we would never have betrayed you like we did.

Now, look, I invite you all here to show you the no hard feelings.

The pyramid is gone. Our doll and cane are gone.

I'm here, and I'm single.

And I'm going to introduce you all to some good old-fashioned split pea soup.

Well, it's not really peas. It's a soybean derivative, but it's the same principle.

Now, who'd like the first taste?

No, I don't think that would work.

What do you think, Doctor?

You know, Tweaky does have tactile sensors of a sort.

While his system is incapable of anything like digestion,

it's not beyond his abilities to taste.

No way, Jose.

¶¶