Original subtitles

The Five Towns lie close

to the heart of dear old England.

They spread across the face of

the countryside for many miles.

Proud, unique, and indispensable.

Do you drink from a cup?

Do you eat from a plate?

You have the Five Towns to thank for that.

The Five Towns stand for progress and civilization

When our story begins,

Bursley was the largest of the five,

and it was also the proudest.

Admittedly, its atmosphere was inclined to be heavy,

but some remarkable people breathed it.

Among them was a widow Mrs. Machin,

she was a washer woman.

And there was Edward Henry Machin, her son.

Denry, as his mother called him was a healthy child,

but it soon become apparent no ordinary one.

As a boy he was of a peculiarly thoughtful turn of mind.

Instead of spending his leisure hours

playing in the streets with his friends,

he devoted extra time to the class room.

He was not really dishonest,

it was just that he liked to give providence a helping hand.

In any case he soon had to pay the penalty for his crime.

He won a scholarship to a school

for the Sons of Gentlemen.

And you know what the Sons of Gentlemen are?

Washerwoman, washerwoman, Washerwomen!

Washerwomen!

It was early born upon Denry

that the road to success is fraught with hardship,

When the time came for him to leave school

and make his way in the world of men,

Denry received early confirmation of the fact

that even tn that world honestly is undoubtedly the best

and most useful policy.

Yes,

I want to see Mr. Duncalf, please Sir'

- Business'? - I want to apply for the job

advertised in the Sentinel.

You won't do.

Sir?

You can't read, it says apply by letter

- enclosing references. - I know Sir, but you see,

I brought my references with me.

This does belong to Mr.Duncalf, doesn't it?

Mr. Duncalf, Mr. Duncalf,

Mr. Duncalf!

So Edward Henry became a solicitor's clerk.

For a long time he really felt that he had

nothing more to hope for,

then he met the Countess.

Yes?

Good Morning.

Good Morning Madame

ls Mr. Duncalf in?

No, Madame.

He's over at town hall.

Oh, how tiresome.

I particularly wanted to see him.

If you care to wait.

No, thank you, just tell him that Lady Chell called.

Is there anything I can do?

Yes,

Yes, perhaps you can.

It's about the invitations for the Municipal Ball.

"Oh yes."

This is my list.

He isn't to take any notice of the crossings out.

- You understand? - Yes.

Here's official list of all the aldermen

and Councilors should be added to this.

Added to this.

And I want all the invitations out

by Wednesday the latest.

Wednesday at the latest.

Thank you, good day.

Allow me.

Thank you.

I'll tell Mr. Duncalf the moment he gets back.

Splendid, thank You.

Thank you, my lady.

Hello Denry, how's your mother?

Fine thanks.

Hello.

What have you been up to?

That was the Countess of Chell just gone.

Had a message for Duncalf.

Didn't give you an invitation to the ball, did she?

No, she didn't.

Oh, too bad.

She's no snob though.

No side to her.

Who said there was?

Don't you hear people talk?

I reckon she's the finest woman ever came to this town.

And that's a fact.

Machin being funny again Mr. Emery?

When I want my office turned

into a musical I'll let you know!

Sir?

Well what is it?

The Countess of Chell sir, she called,

Well?

She left a message about the invitations to the ball.

She said would you add the official list

to this list of hers.

She said not take any notice of the crossings out.

And the invitations have to go out by Wednesday latest.

That's tomorrow.

Here.

Here's the official list.

You better get on with it.

Make a full list out from the two,

and get all envelopes addressed.

You can stay in tonight and do the job.

But Sir, there's the church social.

Mr. Emery, bring in that draught agreement

from Atchinson's, will you please?

Yes Mr, Duncalf, Sir.

I reckon she is the finest woman

that ever came to this town,

and that's a fact.

Denry!

Yes, mother!

You'll be late again!

I've been working late and I didn't sleep well.

Strikes me, you're sleeping too well,

I've got something on my mind.

You better have a dose of castor oil.

Good morning Mrs. Machin.

Morning Denry, letter for you.

Oh my goodness.

Thank you Martin

You are welcome.

E.H. Machin Esquire.

What's happened?

I've had an invitation to a dance.

Who from?

The Countess of Chell.

Bless us!

A dance eh?

Do you know how?

How?

How to dance?

I'll pick it up.

You'll have to make your excuses.

Evening dress is essential.

Evening dress?

Well I never.

I think it'll make a very nice coat,

The only difficulty is the cuff.

I think we'll fix that up for you

and it'll be comfortable across the back.

Just a little bit, it pulls a little bit.

I can understand.

Thank you very much Mr. Barlow.

I'll have the final fitting ready for you on Tuesday.

All right.

Oh, by the way Sir, handkerchiefs are not being

worn in the waistcoat this year.

What, not even white ones?

Not even white,

It's the new London fashion.

Very glad you told me Shillitoe.

- Well, good day. - Good day Sir and thank you.

Hello Denry, what can I do for you?

- I want a dress suit. - Oh, do you now'?

Yes,

Sorry it can't be done.

It's the ball you see,

all the bigwigs in the town want a dress suit.

I don't know how I'm going to get through

all the orders as it is.

But I'm going, you see.

Going where?

To the ball.

Duncalf's clerk going to the ball?

Yes, are you'?

Oh, I've no time for that sort of thing.

Do you mean to say that the

Countess sent an invitation to you?

That's right.

I could get one for you if you like.

Oh?

The Countess is a client of ours,

and I am in charge of the invitations,

See?

.Oh.

Are you sure?

Of course I'd need a bit of credit.

- A year? - Two.

This is one of the nicest pieces of facecloth

I've had in for a long time.

I can give you a fitting Wednesday.

A one, a two, a three.

A one, a two, a three,

A forward, two, a three.

Again a two, a three.

No, no, no Miss Westham.

You must try and look less like a chimpanzee

and more, although I realise it's very difficult for you,

more like a young lady.

Now, we'll try again.

And a one, a two, a three,

Come now Mr. Clayton!

I know your partner feels like a sack of potatoes

but there's no reason for holding her like one.

And for goodness sake will you open your eyes

and look where you're going?

All right we'll do it once more.

And one, a two, a three.

Get off her feet you clumsy oaf!

You've both about as much

idea of dancing as a pair of crocodiles!

This is your 15th lesson and it might as well be your first.

I shall double my fees to you both!

And.

Oh.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Miss Earp?

' Yes?

I saw your notice

and I thought I'd just call in to see if I could...

You want to learn to dance?

Yes,

I was on my way home and as I was passing

I thought I'd just inquire.

And you found yourself in a lunatic asylum?

Do you know what I was doing Mr?

Machin.

I was consoling myself.

You see there are some who are natural dancers

and there are some who are not.

And to those who are not

one cannot always say the things one wishes,

and not when they are here that is.

I understand.

I thought you would.

You now' I should say would be a natural dancer.

You have the figure, the poise.

Yes, it could be pleasure

for a young lady to dance with you.

Well good.

You'd like to start now?

My fee is two guineas for a course of 18 lessons.

Two guineas, I...

Or 1 guinea for nine.

But Miss Earp, wouldn't you like an invitation

to the Countess's ball?

I can get you one you know.

I'm in charge of the invitations,

Are you really Mr. Machin?

That would be extremely kind of you.

I was so wishing I could go.

And you of course will be going yourself.

I really think you should have the two guinea course,

You can pay me next time you come.

Right, we will start with the waltz.

It's quite simple, ready?

A right, left, right.

A left, right, left.

A right, left, right.

Weight slightly forward.

One, two, three.

A one, two, three.

Splendid two, three'

Together, two, three.

Yes, you are a natural dancer.

Denry?

What did you say?

You'll be late again.

And that's not good manner as the Countess has invited you.

I know.

I promised the first dance to Ruth Earp

Ruth Earp?

Well maybe you have,

but the dinner table is no place for your boots!

I'm sorry.

Bless us.

Well I must be off.

Your father never had one of those.

No,

Pride goes before a fall.

That's right.

Ah, get away with ya.

Have you got your key?

Thank you.

Good evening Machin.

Hello Swetham.

Will you care to step this way?

An excellent idea.

Good Evening Mrs. Hornsberry.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Good evening.

Countess's cloak.

Hello John.

Hello Denry, fancy seeing you.

How goes it?

Oh, proper temper her ladyship's in,

Trouble with one of the horses.

So long,

Bye bye-

Miss Earp!

What about our dance?

Our dance has just finished.

Has it?

I'm terribly sorry.

Miss Cotterill, Mr. Machin.

How do you do?

Didn't you look at your programme?

Programme?

It's the usual thing to do!

Where do I get a programme?

Well, I should ask the footman,

One of those?

- That's right. - Nellie!

Excuse me can I have the measure

of a dance with you?

I'm so sorry, my program's full.

Sorry,

Excuse me, can I have the

measure with a dance with you?

Thank you, I'm afraid my program's full.

- Excuse me can I have a... - Our dance, I think Miriam.

So it is.

Look at old Mrs. Whiggsey.

Did you ever see anything like it?

She looks like she has come out of a rag bag.

I don't know what this town's coming to.

Hello Machin.

Countess hasn't danced yet.

She won't either.

Can't say I blame her with this lot.

That's right.

Nice woman,

Mother was having tea with her the other day.

Why don't someone of the old buffers

standing around ask her?

I suppose they can'! dance.

Well, somebody ought to ask her.

Well you go and do it.

Ifs a free country,

I would for two pence.

I'll bet you 5 pounds you don't.

I'll take you.

Can I have this dance with you?

It's nearly over isn't it?

I'm sure that doesn't matter.

Thank you.

I should like to.

Machin!

I hear you had a of bit trouble

with one of your horses tonight?

Yes we did.

Who told you?

Oh, Must picked it up.

I have an idea I've seen you before mister...

Machin, I'm Mr Duncalf's clerk.

You were at the office.

Oh, yes of course, I remember,

You dance very well Mr, Machin.

Do I really?

As a matter of fact it's the first

time I ever danced in my life.

Except in the service, you know.

Indeed,

She says it's the same in dancing as it is in fife.

It's a woman's duty to adapt herself to the man.

Does she?

That's a most interesting thought.

Anyway, I soon picked it up.

Dancing I mean.

You pick up things easily, don't you?

Yes,

Do you?

Thank you Countess.

Thank you Mr. Machin, I enjoyed that!

Here you are.

I admire your cheek.

What was she like to dance with?

Oh, just the same as with any other woman.

What was she laughing at?

Ladies and gentlemen,

take your partner for the lancet!

Excuse me.

"Good morning"

Why are you so gloom and gloomy

this fine sunny day?

Machin!

That's why.

He was here when I got in,

and I wasn't more than five minutes late.

Come in!

Who invited you to the Countess's Ball?

Who, Sir?

Yes, who!

Answer me!

I did.

You did?

Yes, I thought perhaps you'd forgotten

to put my name on the list of the invitations.

Oh, you did did you?

I suppose you thought I forgotten to put down

that tailor chap too?

Shillitoe and Miss Earp.

Well, what have you got to say for yourself?

Nothing.

Nothing?

I suppose you fancy yourself dancing with your betters eh?

Yes, don't you?

How dare you speak to me like that!

I would never to have employed you in the first mace!

A washer woman's son!

You haven't done an honest days work since you've been here!

Nor ever likely to!

Well you can take a weeks notice, you understand!

A week's notice!

And clear up those documents

and take them down to the vault!

The lot!

It's no use, I intend to wait!

Ah, Mr. Duncalf at last I found you in.

I'm extremely sorry Mrs. Codleyn,

but I'm very busy just at the moment.

If you'll make an appointment with my clerk...

I do not care to make an appointment!

What I'm asking you to do when

I've taken the trouble to drive into town

to see you is to listen to what I have to say

and perhaps remove your hat to do so!

My dear Mrs. Codleyn...

I'm aware that I am not your most important client,

but the property you manage for me

and the rent you collect on my behalf

are not insignificant!

And surely entitle me...

My dear Madame, will you...

entitle me to the elementary courtasy

As I was about to say when you interrupted me!

But I see that I'm mistaken!

Madame, if you care to place your interest

in other hands, I should only be too delighted

to hand over all your papers on payment at my cost!

And good morning to you!

Oh!

Oh!

Mrs. Codleyn!

- Mrs. Codleyn! - Oh!

Oh, it's you Mr. Machin.

If Duncalf sent you to apologise, you can save your breath!

Well, it's not that Mrs. Codleyn,

there's something I want to explain.

Explain?

I am not used to be insulted, Mr. Machin!

I shall not think indeed,

It's too cruel!

Just because I'm a widow with nobody to protect me,

I'm spoken to like that!

Well let me tell you this,

I take Mr. Duncalf at his word.

If there was somebody else I could trust,

but I've heard such tales about rent collectors.

Well that's what I want to talk about, Mrs. Codleyn.

I'll collect your rents for you if you like.

You?

You see, I've given him my notice.

The fact is, Duncalf and don't hit it off together.

But you're only a clerk!

And what's more I'll do it for 5%

instead of 7 and a half,

and I'll settle accounts every month or week if you like,

Instead of once a quarter like he does

Well I don't know that I...

5% did you say?

Three shillings rent, six months off the arrears.

There you are love.

10,

11,

three bob, that's it.

Ta-ta.

Well, you'll just have to go without your pint, won't you?

If it's rent you want, I've nowt for you.

Come now Mrs. Hullins, that won't do,

Here take a pinch of tobacco.

I'm not going without a half a crown at any rate.

You'll be here for better part of some time then.

I've told you about my son Jack,

he's been out of work six weeks.

He starts today.

He'll let you have some of it Saturday.

It won't do mother,

we can'! have any more arrears, you know.

The way you people go on,

you're ruining poor Mrs. Codleyn,

Six and 40 years I've been lived in this here house.

And look what you owe.

It's the bailiffs for you I'm afraid.

Neigh, neigh, you'll not turn me out.

I'm sorry mother, it's the rent or the bailiffs,

one or the other.

Look I'd hate to see you turned out of your home.

I'll lend you half a crown if you like.

But I can't do it for nothing.

You must pay me back next week

and give me a thruppence.

You're a queer one Mr. Machin.

That's fair isn't it?

Now get your rent book.

Twopence a week for half a crown, that's 10%.

That's 40% per month and 500% over the year,

you see mother?

I've still got that five pounds I won at the ball'

Five pounds at 10% per week, compound interest.

Why, that's a fortune!

There's lots of them hard up for the rent.

It will be doing them a kindness.

Supposing they won't pay you back?

Now they'll have to.

You see, when they pay me the next rent

I won't mark it down in their books

unless they are straight with me.

Aren't you impressed?

Come on Joey!

Come on!

You're Machin.

That's me.

- My name is Calvert. - Oh yes.

I've been hearing a lot about you.

Gets the rents in and no nonsense,

that's what old Mrs. Codleyn tells me.

Clears up the arrears 5%, settle monthly, right?

That's right.

Hm, here's a list of my tenants in arrears,

get that lot cleared up,

I might have something more for you, right.

Right.

Good.

I'll give you a week.

What's the matter with him?

It's your stick.

Hey!

Thank you Ruth, Friday then?

Yes, Friday.

Don't forget to practice your turns.

I won't.

Good afternoon, Mr. Machin.

Good afternoon Nellie, Miss Cotterill,

I like your hat.

Thank you.

- How do you do Miss Earp? - How do you do Mr. Machin?

Can I come in a moment?

Please do.

It's a long time since we've seen

anything of one and another Mr, Machin.

Yes it is,

Do sit down.

Thank you.

I've called about the rent, Miss Earp.

The rent?

Yes I collect rents, you know.

Oh indeed, I thought you were a gentleman?

Mr. Herbert Calvert has instructed me

that no rent is to be allowed to be remain in arrears.

Now let's see, you owe 30 pounds, plus...

Mr. Herbert Calvert.

So that what he's done.

I presume you know what happened?

Happened?

Mr. Calvert took advantage of his visit here for his rent,

to behave in a very vulgar and offensive way.

Oh?

What did he do'?

He insulted me.

I've would have given him notice to leave instantly

if I hadn't had to consider my pupils.

As it was I decided to withhold the rent

and I shall continue to do so

until I receive an apology.

It wouldn't be convenient then

to pay something on account.

Convenient?

Everybody in this town knows

that my clientele get larger every year.

Convenient?

It's perfectly convenient.

I just don't care to.

Is that final Miss Earp?

Absolutely.

Then I think the simplest thing for me

will be to send round the bailiff tomorrow morning, early.

I see,

So I'm to be persecuted as well?

Oh no, the bailiffs quite a nice chap.

What a curious man you are Mr. Machin.

Very well, I suppose I shall have to give in.

I'll write you tonight.

With the money?

You could give it me now really, couldn't you?

Yes, I could.

And make you thoroughly ashamed of yourself,

I shall give you some tea as well.

Oh, there's no need.

Oh, but there is.

I insist.

More tea?

No thank you.

Here, let me take your cup.

Thank you.

Cigarette?

The matches are inside.

Sure you don't mind?

No, I like it.

Then do you smoke?

I like a man to smoke.

I hear you are a member oi the Country Club now.

Oh, yes.

It means you are becoming a very important person.

The bank manager put me up.

Ah, but you know, people are still talking about

the way you danced with the Countess.

Well, if it hadn't been for you

I wouldn't been able to dance with her.

Oh, but I'm sure you are the sort of a man

who could do anything if he wants to.

Ashtray?

I'm keeping you.

No, no, I have a pupil coming in five minutes, that's all.

Anyway you can't go before I've paid you.

Oh, well...

Oh no, I insist,

Every month I've put your

horrid Mr. Calvert's rent in this box.

It's all there.

See?

I see,

Now you shall open it.

Turn it sharply to the right.

It doesn't seem to open.

Now it is a little awkward, let me.

Now.

It's broken I'm afraid.

I'm so sorry.

It's not your fault.

It's just that I don't see how we're going to get it opened.

Do you mind calling in at Aldman's.

They'll have to send somebody around to force it

first thing in the morning.

And then I can call in and give you the money.

Oh no, that's all right, I can call,

can you?

Oh, yes.

To tea?

Your pupil?

Tomorrow then?

Tomorrow.

Hello?

Is there anybody there?

Yes.

Who is it?

It's me!

Miss Earp?

Yes' is that Mr. Machin?

Yes, what on earth are you doing in there?

What did you say?

I said what on earth.

Never mind.

I'll try and get round to you!

Where are you?

I'm here, on a table.

Just a moment I got some matches.

Goodness.

I've hit my head.

I think I may have fractured it.

Can't you get me out?

I think we are too far from the bank.

How deep's the water down there?

Not very.

Then I'll come down.

The men just! put the table in

and said it was time for supper,

and took the horses out and went.

Furniture men are always like that.

But how did you get here?

I was looking for a box to pack the china in.

Oh, I see, doing a moonlight flit eh?

You've got a nerve.

I don't need what you mean, I was helping a friend.

A friend?

That's your table you are sitting on there!

The same one which had the lime box

with a lock that doesn't work.

I'd of looked a prize chump

going up to an empty house

for tea tomorrow, wouldn't I?

And all that talk about Calvert insulting you!

Well it's bailiffs for you this time Miss Earp

and make no mistake about it!

Bailiffs!

I say' it's not as bad as that.

It isn't, really.

I did try to pay, but it was no good.

It was too much owing and so few people who wanted to dance.

I wasn't extravagant.

You've got to have good clothes

and things if you want the nice people to come.

And it wouldn't have been any good,

my selling it all up because then I'd had nothing.

But where were you going?

I was going to my father in Birmingham,

I didn't know you had a father.

Why doesn't he help?

He's bankrupt again.

Again?

He's been bankrupt four times.

Oh?

That's why I tried on my own.

Oh, what's it going to become of me?

You'll be all right.

We better get out of here.

That table's made of iron, isn't it?

Yes, why?

The table's the only thing that will give you away.

We'll drop it out there,

the water's deep enough.

Now come on,

Oh Denry, is it safe?

You'll be safe with me.

Oh Denry.

Hicks.

Cracknell.

Little Miss Martin.

And there's 10 pounds from Miss Earp on account.

Less commission of course.

Well, well.

What about the balance?

You'll get it.

Lots of rumors about that van business the other night.

She trying to hook it on QT'?

No, no I think the van went to the wrong house.

It's funny how people talk.

Some say that you're engaged to her.

Oh, look.

There's the silly old Duncalf

coming out of the shoe shop.

And you are off to Llandudno for a holiday.

They may be right at that.

And taking Nellie Cotterill along as a chaperone.

I shouldn't be surprised.

I like you Denry!

You're getting into being a quite a card!

Paying tenants rents for them and everything.

I'll tell you what I'll do,

you can look after the rest of my property if you like.

Good, I will.

When do I start?

Next week?

You'll be away.

I'll come back for a couple of days to collect the rents.

All right.

Here's the list.

Thanks,

Good day.

Good day to you.

Machin!

Enjoy yourself!

I'm afraid Nellie's bed is a little hard,

but minds very comfortable.

It's a different landlady from the one I had last year,

but she's very nice.

Now where shall we begin?

There's so much to do and we've got to do everything!

I know, the pier.

How frightfully close, I can see the captain clearly.

So very becoming to a man a beard.

Denry, why don't you grow a beard?

Oh Denry, our future.

Shall I go first?

You do want to know your fate, don't you Denny?

Come Nellie.

Come on in Ruth, it's lovely!

Ew!

I don't think I can face it after all.

I'll try again tomorrow.

It's very cheap for Snowdon.

Of course I went last year,

but I'd love to go again.

The Isle of Man's magnificent!

But we must go first class,

Look Denry, marionettes.

It's horrid but we'll have to go.

Denry six shillings.

Now this is something we mustn't miss.

Oh, but Denry won't be here on Tuesday.

What do you mean?

I've got to go to Bursley to collect the rents.

Oh that.

But you'll be back in Mme for the concert

You said you were catching the seven o'clock train.

We'll meet you at the station.

Llandudno station!

Llandudno!

All change out please!

20 minutes late.

You know it's too bad,

Pier's quite close

and it doesn't start until eight.

Oh here he is.

Hello, hello Nellie.

Good Evening Denry.

You're late.

We'll have to go straight there!

I caught the first train I could.

I didn't even get a chance to get to the bank!

I say, there's a bit of wind isn't there?

The maid at our hotel says it's the

worst storm they have had for 20 years.

We couldn't even get on the promenade this afternoon.

So we went shopping instead.

We'll have to call a cab.

Cab!

Cab!

I told you, it's no good standing there waiting!

What's that?

What's all that about?

There is a Norwegian ship in trouble.

And the fishing boat has gone out on the pier

to pick up the crew!

Oh, let's go and see!

You can't' the pier has been closed!

Has it?

I tell you, you can't go on there!

I tell you, you can't go on!

The pier is closed!

We are bringing a boat in here!

I'll tell you, you can't go in there!

These ladies are with me, press, Staffordshire Sentinel!

Well I...

I'll bolt the gate!

That's the fishing boat they were talking about!

You two wait in the shelter, I'm going down.

Here take this, it's the rents.

What do you want?

I'm from the Press.

Is this your boat?

What's left of her!

Keep her clear there!

Keep her clear!

Would you care to make a statement?

What's there to say'?

Look at her, all smashed to pieces

doing the life boat part.

Hold her can't you!

Hold her!

If I were you mister, I'll go aloft.

You'll get hurt down here.

Oh, we reporters can take care of ourselves!

Help.

Help!

You like hot cocoa?

Now I've got no more pennies.

Look, you'd better take some of these

and you go around the outside

and I'll go on the inside.

Now, here we are,

Lovely, sustaining chocolate.

There we are,

And for you.

Oh' you don't look very well you must have some.

Cocoa?

You like hot cocoa?

And what about you?

Oh, what a difficult language.

Still, never mind.

There you are, and you.

That's all I'm afraid.

But hold on, I'll be back!

Denry!

Denry!

Where have you been?

We're running out of chocolate,

but there's butterscotch and toffee.

Have you anymore pennies?

No' couldn't you use half crowns instead?

No, we tried' they won't fit the machine.

Nellie!

Good Morning Denry.

Good Morning.

Where is Nellie?

I told her to meet us later in the pavilion.

And how are you feeling?

Fine,

No cold or anything?

No,

Nellie and I got our bill for the rooms this morning.

- Did you? - Yes

Did you pay it?

Yes,

The landlady said she didn't give credit so,

Nellie gave me her share and I paid it.

Good.

Actually, I've hardly any of the money

left that you gave me.

There was this dress of course,

but you've no idea how money goes.

No?

And one cannot run into debt here,

they'd only claim your luggage.

Yes, I expect they would.

I suppose we couldn't use some of that?

Is there any left?

Mr. Calvert will be pleased.

He's so generous, you know,

but of course you know.

What exactly do you mean by that?

Nothing.

One cannot make a remark like that and mean nothing.

A chap can make any remark

and mean nothing.

Good morning.

Who was that?

It's a gentleman I was once engaged to.

.Oh.

Well, I suppose I shall just have to

go home earlier, that's all.

Pity

I think I shall go and find Nellie.

Oh, it's you.

Patching it up?

It's hardly worth it.

Oh, it's not as bad as all that is it?

No?

Look at her,

Hm, I see what you mean.

Want to sell her?

I might.

Want to buy her?

I might.

Come and have a drink.

But you said just now on the beach

she wasn't worth patching up.

Ah, that was before I knew you wanted to buy her.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll give you 15 pounds now,

15 pounds when I collect her'

and 15 pounds at the end of the season'

And what's more I'll give you five pounds

a week to look after things.

Now what do you say'?

All right, I'll do it.

Have another drink.

May!

Now have I got everything?

Oh, my Nellie, we must have something to read in the train.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon Madame.

I'll have this and this and this and this.

Oh yes, and that over there.

How much?

Three and six Madame.

Three and six Denny.

Thank you Sir.

She's getting some chocolates.

Oh, perhaps you prefer this one Madame.

It's got a beautiful ribbon.

Isn't this a lovely box?

How much?

15 shillings Madame.

Oh, that's quite reasonable.

Who were they'?

A young lady I was once engaged to.

Which one?

I can't remember.

15 shillings?

I've been wanting to by one of these paper-weights before.

Pure crystal

Have you got one with a picture of the Great Orme?

I'm afraid not, Madame.

We got the Esplanade, and Happy Valley,

but we're out of the Great Orme.

Oh dear.

Well can't you get one and send it to me?

Yes Madame, we could do that.

They're 35 shillings each.

I'll just make a note where to send it.

What name?

Rockefeller.

Buckingham Palace!

Denry, what an awful thing to say!

I only said Rockefeller, can't a chap say Rockefeller?

No he can't!

Ruth!

You must apologise at once!

Ruth!

The tickets Nellie.

Denry didn't mean it, he's very sorry!

I will not submit to insults!

No, no, of course not.

Denry, your ring!

Our engagement is at an end!

Oh Ruth.

Ruth!

Oh Denry!

I only said Rockefeller.

Come along ladies and gentlemen!

Come along!

Everybody's taken the chance of a trip

to the scene of the terrible Llandudno shipwreck!

Every man, woman and little child

will want this unique and educational experience!

Only two and six pence for the round trip!

Including the use of one of the

original lifebelts if so desired!

The gallant Norwegian sailor men will row

you to the scene of their terrible ordeal!

Sailings every half hour of the day!

Children half price,

babies in arms, free!

Well, there you are Mr. Machin.

That's another three pounds!

Thanks, Simeon,

That's 60 pounds in three days!

Seem to like it, don't they?

Just out of the Cregeen's old boat.

That's it.

It's a mighty lot of money

to do nothing Mr. Machin.

Ah, but you see, I did do something Simeon,

I thought of it.

Hello Denry.

Hello mother.

So you're back for good now are you?

Yes,

And I brought you a little present.

What's in it?

A lot of jolly fine pebbles I've

been collecting on the beach.

Pebbles eh?

Well go on, open it up.

Must be more somewhere.

Never mind, we'll look for those tomorrow.

1014 pounds.

And I sold the boat for what I paid for it.

And is all this really yours?

No, I told you, it's yours.

But what are we going to do with it?

Well, for one thing, you don't have to work

anymore at that old wash-tavern.

And why not?

Now listen Mother...

I've always worked for my living,

and I'll go on working, thank you very much.

What's wrong with working?

Nothing!

It's your money.

And you can spend it or save it as you please!

Though, if you asked me I'd save it.

Because you never know what can happen.

Why only last week I dropped half a crown

down the grating outside.

You can laugh.

Never does no harm to save.

No it doesn't.

But I've got a better idea.

Do you see what I mean Mr. Cregeen.

People join the club and pay in so much a week.

Well.

The chaps decided on a 10 pound subscription.

Well after he's paid in only five pounds to me,

he gets 10 pounds worth of goods from you on his card.

I Pay you.

In fact, you lend him five pounds.

That's right and he pays me back week by week.

That's take capital

Doesn't he pay you interest?

Worth of goods from you or somebody else.

And you do this just to help the working man eh?

Oh no, you'll give me 15% discount.

Yeah, wait a minute,

Because he can only use his club card

at a shops which I nominate.

And the shops which I nominate

are the ones that give me 15% discount, see?

I see,

You're quite a card yourself aren't you Mr, Machin?

All right.

I'm on.

But it's extra business for you Mr. Bostock.

The club makes it easier for them to buy.

You'll get customers you've never ever seen before,

Isn't that worth 15%?

How do I know I'll get my money from you?

I'll open an account with you today,

give you a deposit, right?

All right Machin, I'll give it a trial,

but I want 50 pounds deposit see.

70 pounds deposit Denry or rule me out.

A deposit Machin and I'm in.

Deposit.

I'd like to help you Denry, but I'm afraid I can't.

But the whole thing is a colossal success!

I know, if it weren't you won't be needing money.

It's an old disease, Denry.

You're under capitalized.

Welt I know that, that's why I came to the bank.

I'll be frank, Denry.

These people of mine at head office,

all they see is a young chap

without anything really solid behind him,

asking for a loan which they think

twice about giving to an old established business house.

They don't like that.

You see, you're not respectable.

I'm not respectable eh?

No, from a banking point of view you're not.

Now, if you had someone with a name,

with a position to keep up,

a reputation for probity to consider,

would lend that name to the club's activities

as a patron say, now that would be different.

See?

I see,

Thanks.

Someone respectable eh?

So you see John, there's nothing in it.

Well I'd like to oblige Denry, but...

Look, I'll tell you what,

you know those new kitchen rangers

with brass knobs and everything?

- Yes. - You do this for me,

I'll get Mr. Calvert lo install one of those

rangers in your mother's kitchen.

Well I don't...

Brass knobs, now what you say?

Well M's bit risky Denry...

All you've got to do is to give me

the thumps up sign as you pass.

So that's settled, isn't it?

Denry I...

Come on Joey.

Hold there, pull!

Steady, steady!

What is it?

It's a rear side trace My Lady, ifs broken.

I will get out.

A trace you say'?

Yes, My Lady

I'M have it right in a brace-of-shakes My Lady,

Well, how long is a brace-of-shakes?

About 20 minutes My Lady,

It's too long.

Yes My Lady.

Good afternoon Countess.

Had an accident?

No, I'm doing this for idle amusement.

Can I be of any assistance to you?

Do you know Mr. Machin, I rather think you can.

So you see Countess,

the five pounds Universal Thrift Club

is something people really need round here.

H's makes it easier for them to buy the things they want

I see, you're very charitable Mr. Machin.

Oh no, I just want to make money.

So I imagined,

I don't see anything wrong with that, Countess, do you?

No,

But I don't see myself as patron either

I'm afraid Mr. Machin.

Oh well.

Here we are, just about to turn into the square

in a couple of minutes in hand.

Not bad for a mule, eh?

You all right?

I think we better walk don't you?

I hope you're not gonna let this

animal beat us Mr. Machin.

I think I've hurt my arm a bit.

Oh, then I'd better drive.

Once you let it beat you, it will never forget it.

Kindly back us out of here, please, will you?

- Make way there please. - Back please!

Thank you.

Send a bill for any damage to me,

Let me give you a hand down.

Thank you.

Mr. Machin has hurt his arm,

the doctor must be found right away.

Very good My Lady.

Are you all right Mr. Machin?

The moment the ceremony is over I shall drive you home.

You had better stay with me.

Well ladies and gentlemen,

I've had my say about this Sale of Work,

and in concluding with my proposal for a vote of thanks,

to the Countess of Chell for coming here

in person to open it,

I should like to say in my official capacity

as Superintendent of the Police,

that I don't know that I ought not to charge the Countess

and Mr. Machin here with driving to the common danger.

Nevertheless, all's well that ends well, as they say.

I now propose a vote of thanks

and call upon it to be seconded.

Who is gonna second it?

It's got to be seconded.

You've got to second it.

Me? No.

No you do it Duncalf.

No Calvert, you better.

Well I have nothing prepared.

Somebody's got to do it.

Shall I do it?

Ladies and gentlemen I've had the honor

of being asked by the Lady's Committee

to second the vote of thanks

to the Countess of Chell.

I see there are quite a few of you here this afternoon

who are members of the Five Towns Universal Thrift Club.

But I'm afraid you can't use your cards this afternoon.

It's your cash they want!

Cash on the nail!

And why?

Because it's for charity,

and a good charity at that!

The Bursley Cottage hospital

In fact, I think the best way we can thank

the Countess for coming here this afternoon

is to give it all the support we can!

And just to show you that I mean what I say,

I'm going to start the ball

rolling by buying something.

Now what's cheapest?

Well, whatever it is, I'll give 50 pounds for it,

and I'll hand my check to your committee this afternoon.

There it is, ladies and gentlemen,

now move along please,

and let's show the Five Towns that

Bursley's heart's in the right place!

Goodbye Sir.

Home, Tommy.

Yes Sir.

Shall I make the tea Mrs. Machin?

Thank you Nellie.

Is Denry taking you to the concert next week?

Oh, well he did say something about it,

but since he became a Councilor he's been so busy.

Councilor.

Reckon he's getting above himself.

His father never wanted to be a Councilor

What do you think?

I heard from Ruth Earp yesterday.

Oh?

She's married.

That's a blessing.

Three months ago to a Birmingham man.

Very rich.

He's a bit old of course,

but she's very happy.

Append she is, if he's rich

Goodnight, Tommy.

Goodnight Sir

Hello Nellie,

Hello Denry.

Are you in bed?

Doesn't look like it?

Now you know what the doctor said.

Ah, doctor.

What have you got there?

A present for you.

It's your birthday tomorrow.

Your birthday?

And you never told me.

I don't know the ones reminding of it.

There.

Oh, it's lovely,

Bless us!

Well put it on.

Go on Nellie, make her put it on.

.Oh.

My' it's warm.

Well it should be, it's real sealskin.

Well don't take it off.

What are you doing?

Putting it away of course,

I'll get some moth powder tomorrow.

Now listen mother, you know what the doctor said,

you got to keep warm, you're not well

I never said I was.

And you never will be in this rotten old place.

It's damp...

This was reckon a very good class of house

when your father and I came into it.

But some folks have gotten so grand...

Now listen mother, do you know how much I'm making?

Over 2000 a year.

We don't have to go on living here, do we?

You can live where you like,

but I'm staying here!

And that's final!

Well I don't know,

What are you laughing at?

You Denry, your mother must be the only person

in the Five Towns who always get the better of you.

Is that is your considered opinion?

It is.

Bless us.

Denry!

Well, what do you think of her?

Not bad is she?

Is it yours?

Yes, I got her three weeks ago.

Three weeks ago?

But you only said you might get one.

I wanted to surprise you

and I had to learn to drive first.

It's wonderful.

I'll take you for a spin out after tea if you like,

is your father in?

No, he had to go to Manchester, on business.

Money?

I think so.

Don't you worry anyway.

Who does the gee-gees belong to?

Ah, that's my surprise.

Come on in, I'll show you.

Look,

By Jove!

Good afternoon Denry.

I'll say, what a surprise.

How are you? Now don't tell me, I can see how you are.

You look wonderful.

No, that's not the right thing to say

to a widow in mourning, Denry.

A widow?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know,

Nellie's been telling me about your success.

I expect she's made too much of it.

I expect she has.

He's always so modest.

He always was.

Nellie!

Yes mother.

Tea is ready!

I did very little shopping in Paris,

I didn't want to stay.

But I simply couldn't face going back

to that horrid Swiss hotel crammed full of tourists.

Thank you.

So I went to Monte Carlo instead.

It was very gay of course,

Yes, it must have been.

But not as gay as Venice.

That was gayer?

Oh naturally, much.

I stayed with the Contessa Martinari and her brother.

They have a nice palace.

It used to be the Duke of Rodrigo's,

of course they only keep about

26 of their rooms open.

But it is really very comfortable

and so much easier to run.

And after all, we spent most of the time on the yacht.

Denry, do pass the cake to Lady Capron-Smith.

Yes of course.

To who?

Me.

No thank you.

It must seem very tame for you here back in England,

Oh no, I like England.

After all, it's where one's real friends are,

and one does so long for news.

I'm afraid nothing much has happened here.

Alderman Mould died.

I'm afraid I don't...

He was going to Mayor in November.

Oh.

Now I suppose we shall have to have Mr. Duncalf.

Oh, he's a horrible man.

And now he wants to close down the football club

just because it won't pay.

Silly old Duncalf.

Nellie, I think that's your father back.

Will you excuse me?

Yes, of course.

Oh Ruth, I nearly forgot.

Denry's got a motor.

Really?

You drive well.

It's easy once you've got the knack of it.

You've changed, you know.

Have I?

You are so much more self-assured, mature.

You changed a bit yourself?

What children we were,

Do you remember Mr. Calvert's rent?

Yes, do you?

Oh, this is more comfortable than a furniture van.

Of course if I got one I'd have to have a chauffeur,

You know, I didn't know your husband had a title.

What was he, Lord?

No, only a Knight.

Oh.

I didn't even know he'd kicked the bucket.

Died.

How did it happen?

We'd only been married a little while,

a few months.

It was very sudden.

Heart.

He overtaxed his strength.

Of course he was quite elderly,

but most good and kind.

- He was in steel. - Oh.

Do you see very much of Nellie?

Quite a bit. I am very fond of Nellie.

Yes' she's sweet.

I'm so glad we met again Denry.

That silly little misunderstanding.

You know, it's haunted me,

Has it?

Money, it's so important when you haven't got it,

and now we've both got plenty and it doesn't matter.

The real thing is ambition isn't it?

How do you mean?

You want to be mayor, don't you?

You see I could've been the youngest

mayor this town's ever had.

Could have been?

Well next year it'll be too late for that,

and this year there's the silly old Duncalf.

You do not want to upset him.

I don't mind about that but...

But what?

I don't know.

I don't know if I can do it.

Denry, don't you remember

what I used to say to you'?

What was that?

You can do anything,

anything at all, if you want to enough.

You're that kind of man.

You really think so?

Yes,

Come on Bursley!

Well Mr, Mayor, enjoying yourself?

Well I must admit...

And this is the kind of show that I'm blamed

for trying to put a stop to!

Well the weather doesn't hem.

Don't make no difference what the weather is!

Bursley's team is a joke!

As long as long as we get no public support

it'll stay a joke!

They have the impertinence to organize meetings

to condemn the directors.

Well, the joke's over now!

We're closing it down!

It's a pity about Thursday's meeting though.

We don't want the thing become a political issue.

Politics don't come into it!

It's simply a matter of the shareholders

interest being protected!

And I'm gonna say so!

I'll give them a meeting.

Hey!

I'd like a word with your Captain, Councilor Machin.

You'd better come with me.

Thanks,

There's only one thing wrong with Bursley football,

and it's not the football!

No, it's yourselves!

For 13 years now, me and my co-directors

have been losing money, our own money,

to provide this town with a

professional football team!

And we warned you again and again

what would happen if these

matches weren't better patronized!

And now, when you've stewed the dub to death,

you call a meeting to complain about bad management!

Hello Denry, I thought you were in Birmingham?

Did you?

It's all very well to talk,

but it doesn't get you anywhere!

Facts are the real talkers!

How are you gonna get new blood

with transfer fees as high as they are?

Would anybody at this meeting

care to lend the club 1000 pounds or so?

Anybody?

I thought not.

What you're asking for is not better management,

but something for nothing!

Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor.

May I say a few words on this subject?

Step up on the platform, Councilor Machin.

Thanks,

I don't pretend to be an expert on football,

but I would like to say something

about this question of new blood.

If I'm not mistaken, one of the greatest modern footballers

is a native of this town.

Callear!

That's right, Callear!

Callear is the man I mean!

The greatest centre forward in England,

Callear left this town when he was a boy

and he's made the fortunes of

every club he has played for.

Liverpool City...

York County!

York County.

And Briston North!

That's right and Birmingham!

He's the best there is.

Gentlemen, I say that Callear ought

to come back to his native town.

As Bursley's centre forward he'd lead us on to victory,

all right, wouldn't he?

I'm glad Councilor Machin admits that

he has no knowledge of football,

'cause that saves me the trouble oi telling you.

Why don't you sit down!

It's probably news to him that Aston Villa

and Blackburn Rovers have both made offers to

Birmingham for Callear,

and now these two wealthy clubs

are fighting it out between them,

And as to getting Callear back into Bursley,

why, steam engines and that King himself couldn't do it!

Finished?

Mr. Callear would you mind stepping up a moment,

so we all can have a look at you?

Well gentlemen, we've got Mr. Callear here

without either a steam engine or His Majesty.

I suggest to the Directors of the Club

that they accept him and try another season.

- Wait a moment, wait a moment! - What about the transfer?

Oh, I forgot!

I signed him up in Birmingham this morning

as a present for the club.

Three cheers for Councilor Machin!

It won't be Councilor Machin for long now, Denry.

That's right, it'll be mayor!

Hello Mr. Machin!

We won all right eh!

Have you seen the news about Councilor Cotterill?

Terrible thing.

Bankrupt.

Cotterill bankrupt?

Yes I know.

The petition was filed in Manchester,

that's how they were able to keep it a secret for so long,

Nellie herself didn't know until the last week.

She told me yesterday.

But why didn't they tell me?

I'd have helped them.

It wasn't just the money.

There was talk of, well, criminal proceedings.

Well why didn't you tell me?

Just to let them go off like that.

Well Nellie made me promise not to.

They didn't want a lot of fuss.

They were ashamed.

Their relations in Canada sent them the money for the fare.

It seemed easier for them to just

go without saying good bye.

But to Canada?

They sail from Liverpool tomorrow, steerage.

Steerage?

Nellie in the steerage?

And Mr. and Mrs. Cotterill.

They wanted a little money left for when they got there.

Steerage,

Now we will soon change that.

But they're sailing tomorrow afternoon, it's too late!

Oh no it isn't, I can telegraph Liverpool

for first class cabins,

go out by train in the morning and make them change.

Steerage,

Denry all right, listen we're both friends of theirs,

let's half the cost, you and I,

and let's go together to Liverpool and see them off.

That's a very good idea.

We don't know how to thank you.

Well we couldn't let you go like that.

Mr. and Mrs. Cotgterill?

Yes,

Would you please come and check your luggage?

Someday I hope to repay you.

Oh, don't you worry about that.

All ashore

- Goodbye Denry. - That's going ashore.

- Goodbye Mrs. Cotterill. - All ashore

that's going ashore!

Now I really think we should go.

Yes.

Goodbye, Nellie darling.

Goodbye Ruth.

Goodbye Nellie.

Goodbye,

Good luck.

Thank you Denry.

All ashore that's going ashore!

Look, you must come ashore for a minute.

I left something I meant to give you' it's in the cab.

But there isn't time, the bell, it's...

Oh, that's just a dodge to get people off quickly.

Come on, this way.

This way.

Not that gangway Sir.

Which one is it?

- Just a minute, Sir! - This one will do.

In you get!

Lime Street Station!

Denry!

Well!

Will you please follow that...

Sorry Ma'am' you have to take the cab in from.

Downtown, cabbie.

Exchange, please.

Allow me.

Thank you.

It's always sad saying goodbye

to someone you're fond of, isn't it?

Yes it is,

Your husband?

My husband?

No, just friends,

I have no husband.

I've been seeing somebody off myself.

Your wife?

Oh, no, no, only my sister.

I'm not married

You're upset aren't you?

This is rather an unpleasant district, you know.

May I escort you back to civilization?

Well...

I have my car.

.Oh.

Thank you.

Look here, if you don't dry up, I'll have to cry myself.

VII send a telegram to your father and mother.

They'll get it when they land.

What you are going to do with me?

Do with you?

Marry you of course, what do you think?

Marry me?

If you'll have me.

If I had any sense I'd have thought of it long ago.

What about Ruth?

Oh hang Ruth.

She can take care of herself.

Are you sure you're quite comfortable?

Yes, thank you.

You're really very kind.

Not at all,

Where to, My Lord?

Where can take you?

Well I'm staying at the Coronation Hotel.

What an extraordinary co-incidence,

I'm staying there too.

To the hotel please, Brown.

Go Denry!

Hello Denry!

Our leading citizen.

What great cause has he ever been identified with?

I think I can tell you that, Mr. Duncalf.

It's quite simple.

He's identified with a great cause of cheering us all up!

Look,

Denry!

Regiment, face right!