Original subtitles

Resync And Corrections By Chuck

[dog barking]

[mysterious music]

[Burglar] Right-o.

[Man] Here, hang on, you'll wake up half the street.

Check it out, anything marked "beta blocker."

[Masked Man] Psst!

[Policeman] Psst!

Foxtrot Lema from 272, get me 271, over.

271, over.

[Ron On Radio] There's someone in there, all right.

Okay, assistance on its way.

Ron, stay schtum until the shooter's arrive.

[Ron] Right.

What about Ulysses?

[Burglar] They're watching the house.

No shooters.

Nothing.

It was a uniformed man, he won't have a gun.

[Ron On Radio] They're on their toes.

271, control, they're coming out of the back.

[dramatic music]

[groans]

[gun fires]

[sirens wailing]

It's Harry Grieve.

[Carter] Get an ambulance, quick.

[Policeman] All right, stand back!

All right, all right, calm down, Sweeney.

DI Regan, Duty Squad.

Got a message from MP on the RT that there was one

going off here.

[Policeman] Who's he?

[Regan] A dead house-breaker of my acquaintance.

I see.

Did you get their number, then?

! emehT yeneewS ehT

Will you be able to tell us what's missing, madam?

No, only my husband could do that.

Ah, this is a friend of mine, Ulysses Brown.

This is a police inspector.

[Ulysses] Good evening.

Good evening.

And, erm, he's not at home at the moment, your husband?

No.

Is he likely to return in the near future?

I'm not expecting him. I'll see you up there.

I see, do you know where we might find him?

No, erm, he's away on holiday but I don't know where.

Freddie has this need to escape when the pressure builds up.

Will you excuse me if I go and change?

Sure.

[calypso music] ??

[Carter] Ah, morning, Mr Tridgwell, Governor's upstairs.

All right, lad.

In here.

Oh, hello, Governor.

Hello Jack, how's the squad?

It's all right.

I hear you're all on borrowed time down there.

Ah, well, you don't wanna believe all you read, Governor.

How's Division?

Driving me bleeding potty.

You handling the murder inquiry yourself?

Of course, Jack.

Your skipper told me you know the geezer who was topped.

Yeah, yeah, he was a good little screwsman in his day.

Harry Grieve, I thought he'd retired and had an off-license.

Rum bit of business, ain't it?

He tells me it was like the O.K. Corral out there.

Oh, it's her gaff, a Mrs. Busby.

Busby, Professor Busby's missus?

No idea, her dad's away.

I think Othello's doing the business.

Ah, Mrs. Busby, this is Detective Chief Superintendent

-Tridgwell. -Good evening.

All very unfortunate, madam, was there much taken?

Oh, I have no idea.

I think they just did the study, sir.

I was just gonna get a statement.

Ah, you do that, Mr. Regan, excuse me, madam.

After you, Mrs. Busby.

Jack, if it's all right by your governor,

I'd like to keep you and the boy on this for a bit.

You know, just to suss out the burglary end.

Yeah, okay, guv.

Oh, governor?

Who is this Busby bloke?

You don't even read the papers, do you, Jack?

He's the geezer who's been making all this fuss

about his research.

And you've no idea what they might have been after?

I simply can't imagine, Inspector.

Well, thanks anyway, but I'm a sergeant.

That's an inspector.

I just got promoted.

[Regan] Look, can you give us any idea as to

your husband's whereabouts?

No, I'm frightfully sorry.

You look puzzled, Superintendent.

Freddie and I, we have a very happy arrangement.

We don't invade each other's privacy.

Well, can you make a guess as to what the burglar

might have been after in the study?

No.

Could it have been something to do

with your husband's work, perhaps?

Possibly, though I can't imagine what.

I know very little about my husband's work.

He knows very little about mine.

And what is that, Mrs. Busby?

I'm a psychiatrist, I specialize in people

who have problems with aggression.

Yes, I see.

And I can see that, inadvertently,

I'm making you very cross with me.

I really am trying to be helpful, Sergeant,

but Freddie and I, we lead completely separate lives.

He's at the college during the term time, I'm at the clinic.

We occasionally meet up during the vacation, it's very nice.

We still stimulate each other intellectually,

but, emotionally, our only common interest is Wagner.

If you're so uncertain of your husband's whereabouts,

how can you be sure he's not about to come home?

Oh, because he always rings before he arrives

so as to give me a chance to, um,

rearrange my domestic life, he's very civilized.

Yes, well, thank you, Mrs. Busby.

If you don't mind, we'll have another look around.

It's getting rather late, or should I say early?

Of course, feel free to call again.

Oh, dear.

Listen, I'm not gonna get too much out of Grieve's

old woman, am I?

She's gonna be a bit cut up.

Yeah, but it's worth a try, George.

Yeah, all right.

Listen, I do hope you're not gonna be a completely

irresponsible superior officer and creep back

to your gaff for a kip.

Of course not, you can drop me back at the factory.

Yeah, all right.

I did my ankle up last night.

[Regan] Yeah?

Have you heard of this Busby geezer, George?

[George] No, is he supposed to be important or something?

[Regan] I'm about to find out, ain't I?

The senior one's name is Regan.

He's with the Flying Squad.

Hm, well I hope they're not going to start

clodhopping around the waterhole.

It's sure to frighten the animals.

I'll be in town.

-Ah, Jack. -Oh, morning, guv.

DCS Tridgwell, E Division, called.

He wants you and Carter to assist him

on this murder inquiry.

[Regan] Yeah, Harry Grieve.

Wasn't he a cat burglar, a bit of a country house bandit?

Yeah, that's right, it's all a bit of a mystery.

Nothing was taken.

Well, how much can you do for him, then?

Well, I knew Harry, I nicked him a couple of times.

He was a neat little creeper, no harm in him, though.

I wonder why anyone should want to top him.

Well, my guess is he got mixed up with a firm

of bloody lunatics.

Hm, you got much on here, then?

Not a lot, guv.

Yeah, all right, well, give him a couple of days.

I'll tell Mr. Haskins.

If you don't get anywhere with it,

you can always chuck it back at Mr Tridgwell, all right?

Oh, I suppose if I was to ask you what you've got in there,

you'd say a film.

That's right.

Yes, all right, well make sure you keep

Mr. Haskins posted, then.

[reporters chattering]

[Man] Can we have a comment, Professor?

[Man] Professor, did you manage to see

the Secretary of State?

No, no I didn't.

[Reporter] So there's no reprieve,

the laboratory's got to shut down?

Well, the grant will not be renewed, no.

[Reporter] Without that grant, of course,

your work can't continue.

Well, in the absence of further funding,

no, I'm afraid not, no.

[Reporter] What about the current rumors that you may

be taking your work to America to get further funding there?

Oh, well, nothing's been decided, I have to think.

[Reporter] But, of course, you've stood out

against the brain drain for a long time,

made many public pronouncements against it.

Oh, yes, yes, yes I have.

[Reporter] Yes, now, do you take this very personally?

-Where's the governor? -Don't know, George.

Some geezer came on the trumpet, wanted him to ring him.

Said it was urgent.

Oh, and B12 have been on about those dabs at Hampstead.

[Carter] And?

Got nothing for you.

C7 are doing a ballistics test on the bullet.

But it won't be ready 'til tomorrow.

Cheers.

Listen, what extension's 909?

[Detective] You really wanna know?

[Carter] Oh, no, not really.

It's the funnies, we used to use it when I was

on the Bomb Squad.

Have you seen the governor?

Yeah, about ten minutes ago, he was wandering

down the corridor with a tin of film in his hand.

Professor Busby enjoys the respect of many

of the most eminent members of the medical profession.

Some are now saying that he was on the point

of announcing a new miracle drug.

A drug that could bring relief and an extended lease of life

to many thousands of sufferers from heart disease.

For four years, Frederick Busby has worked long and hard

with his team in this laboratory here behind me.

Next week, the shutters go up for good.

And the Department of Health is adamant

that it's a question of money, which has now run out.

Early clinical trials on Busby's drug

have proved inconclusive and, therefore,

the funds must now be diverted to projects

which are regarded as more promising.

This, in turn, means that Busby will almost inevitably

go to America.

It's a sad thought that it is the Americans

who have more confidence in British medical science

than we seem to do ourselves, good night.

Okay, thanks!

Do you think he's done a moonlight to America?

Probably, how did you get on?

Oh, nothing, Harry's old woman's in a terrible state,

but they've got a daughter who lives with them.

She's divorced or something.

She reckons that her dad was propositioned

in a pub in Brighton.

She said that a geezer gave her old man 2,000 quid

in used-oncers and said there was another 3,000

when he screwed the gaff.

Any lead on the geezer?

No, she never saw him.

Oh, and, er, we've blown out on the dabs at Busby's.

Gawd bless ya, oh, dear me.

Oh, I nearly forgot, memorize that and swallow it.

Do what?

The naughty men are after you.

Our only hope is that the sheikh does not recover.

If he does, the revolution will be put back years.

We must find those pills.

We now know they're not in Busby's house.

We know they're not in his laboratory.

Therefore, Busby must have them with him.

That is if he hasn't hidden them somewhere else.

But where has Busby hidden Busby?

You're probably not aware that the absent professor

is an avid birdwatcher.

Our London resident took the precaution

of establishing a contact at the Ornithological Institute.

We understand that he called them yesterday

to record the sighting of a wryneck woodpecker.

So this Busby's a madman, so what?

He claimed to have seen this bird in the Hartley Forest.

That is a large plantation of trees in Sussex.

I will go there with Ali and Doad.

And me, that is the arrangement, comrade.

[phone rings]

Lakeside Club.

Who?

Oh, hello, yeah, well, she's rehearsing at the moment.

I don't know whether I can...

All right, all right, keep your hair on, I'll go and see.

[Eric] You remember it, don't you, the lover's gate.

[Wendy] Oh, yes.

Yeah, we did it a few weeks ago, you were very good.

Now, I'm the husband, you're the wife,

Ernie's the lover in the wardrobe.

-I'll get in the wardrobe. -Right there.

And you're in the back.

I come in from the bathroom, right. [laughs]

Hello my darling, I'm now off to work.

And don't forget your hat and briefcase.

Goodbye.

-I've got the best part. -Get out.

Not too big is it, this?

Through the wardrobe.

-Has he gone? -Yes.

Oh, darling, who's beautiful eyes are those?

Yours, darling, all yours.

Who's beautiful lips are those?

Yours, darling, all yours.

Who's beautiful shoulders are those?

Yours, darling, all yours.

And when they get the umbrella, it's mine, blackout!

And a snap blackout, a quick one, there.

'Cause with jokes like that, it's a hell of a long walk.

-Yeah. -[laughing]

Excuse me, Mr Wise?

There's a bloke on the phone for Miss. Earle.

Says it's very urgent.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, that's all right, Wendy, off you go.

Thanks, Ernie.

What was all that about?

I don't know, an urgent phone call or something.

Now, will they see the umbrella there?

Yeah, that's fine, I'm not worried about that,

as long as this blackout is right.

Yeah, that's true, fine.

-Yeah. -I'm ready, buy us a drink.

All right.

-The MP was drunk last night. -I know he was.

-Stoned out of his mind. -Crawling all over the place.

Wendy? Wendy, darling, it's Freddie.

Freddie?!

Look, I know this will come as a bit of surprise to you

but I must speak to you urgently.

What, now?

Well, I had intended the circumstances to be

rather more appropriate but, um,

well, I've got a bit of a problem.

Freddie, what is all this about?

I can't explain now, will you be at your flat tonight?

[Wendy] Yes.

Leave the key, I'll see you there.

Nothing serious, I hope?

I don't really know, Sid.

Could you come with me, please?

This way, please.

Thank you for coming, gentlemen.

My name is Bellcourt, Inspector, Justin Bellcourt.

I work for the government.

Yeah, well, this is Detective Sergeant Carter.

Hello.

We seem to be developing a mutual interest

in a certain Frederick William Busby.

Yeah, well, his house was burgled last night, he's away.

[Justin] Yes, I know.

Keep it out of sight.

What makes you so sure that the burglary

was connected with the professor's work?

[Regan] Well, the villains only went to the study.

[Carter] Yeah, It seemed like they were after something

in particular.

Mm, they are.

Now, gentlemen, I think it's time I was completely frank

with you about a matter of the gravest national concern.

Professor Busby produced some prototype pills

in connection with his recent work on heart disease.

The trials were inconclusive.

Now, that's not strictly true.

No, the pills had a remarkably favorable effect

on a certain head of state.

A head of state whose state of health

is of a consuming interest to Her Majesty's Government.

Should the unfortunate gentleman succumb,

the regime which succeeds him will almost certainly be

less well-disposed to the United Kingdom than heretofore.

So whoever screwed the gaff with old Harry Grieve,

they were after the pills?

I'm sorry, I missed the first bit.

The burglars were after the professor's stock of pills.

Quite.

Somebody who wanted to get in with this president,

or whatever he is, and do us up.

Or prevent the she--

The head of state receiving the pills

and thus accelerate a change of government.

In either case, it's bad news for HMG.

That's why any ideas you people have

concerning the identity of the surviving burglars

could be of great help to us.

There's one thing I don't understand, sir.

Only one?

If Busby's research was so important,

why was it shut down?

That's clearly an administrative oversight.

Look, why don't you just get him back from holiday

and give him the good news?

Yes, well we are looking for him.

You see, the Busby's are not a conventional family,

there is a degree of eccentricity.

[sniggers] You can say that again.

[ominous music]

He is there.

[Mrs. Busby] Mr. Regan?

Thank you.

You interested in birds, then, Dr. Busby?

Oh, no, no, no, Sergeant, those are Freddie's.

He has these fads, you know.

Last year, it was brass rubbings.

[knocking on door]

-Excuse me? -Ah, Inspector, more tea?

Uh, no, thanks.

Listen, do you know a Lance Gilchrist?

Who?

Lance Gilchrist, it was sent to this address.

It's a brochure about self-drive motor caravans.

It's just one of those advertising things

they keep poking through the letterbox.

Yeah, I found it in the study.

Really?

The application form's been completed.

Has your husband got any interest in that sort of thing?

-For holidays? -Well I--

It would be very useful for birdwatching, wouldn't it?

He didn't mention it, but then of course, he wouldn't.

He did have a pair of binoculars

that he bought for birdwatching, they'd be in his room.

-In the study, I take it? -Yes.

Can I use your phone?

-Of course. -Cheers.

-[branches cracking] -[bird flapping wings]

[dramatic music]

Back to the car.

-[phone rings] -Regan.

Yeah?

I see, where's that?

Yeah, well, don't worry, I'll buy a map, get Bill.

Tell him to bring the car up.

Sussex HQ, a gamekeeper saw an orange and white caravanette

being chased by a Range Rover at Horsham.

Yeah, it's about two miles ahead, I think.

Hawkins, it would be very good for the department's image

if we could get somewhere on time just once.

Yes, sir.

[radio chatter]

Oh, dear.

I suppose it is inconceivable that there could

be two orange caravans traveling on this stretch of road.

[sirens wailing]

They are clever, aren't they?

We've found out who he hired the caravan from.

Really?

[Carter] Yeah it was a piece of cake.

Wonder you didn't think of it.

He's not in it.

Did he jump or was he pushed?

I have no idea.

Someone was chasing him, evidently.

I wonder who that could have been.

Here it comes.

Scotland Yard, mate.

We'd like a butcher's before you boys have a go.

Dear, oh, dear.

Bolognese or Milanese, eh?

Too much garlic.

Would he have had the pills with him?

[Justin] Hard to tell.

Governor?

[Regan] There was a bigger one of these in the study.

Busby's eccentricities manifest themselves

in a variety of ways.

[Carter] Governor?

What would you say these were?

Well, I'd say they were bullet holes.

Don't you think it's time you came clean with us,

Mr. Bellcourt?

We know Harry Grieve was killed with bullets

from a Czech army pistol of recent manufacture.

So whatever the professor's mixed up in,

it's very heavy and very political, right?

Right.

Yes, we have reason to believe that a Marxist

revolutionary front, backed by the Soviet Bloc, is involved.

They're endeavoring to overthrow Sheik Ahmed Hassal,

ruler of the Haftu Emirate.

Is that the geezer with the dodgy strawberry?

So these Arab terrorists, they've now got both the pills

and the professor?

Probably, they're quite likely to have the sheik

in two or three weeks as well.

That's the prognosis if he doesn't receive a further

supply of pills.

Poor bugger.

Well, he is 86.

The really unfortunate thing is that we were just about

to sign a 75 million pound defense contract with them.

Would've been nice if he could have hung on a bit longer.

Still, there you are.

I think I've told you more than you needed to know.

Thought it might avoid unnecessary speculation.

I don't think there's any need to keep you away

from your normal police duties any longer, thank you.

But what about the professor?

If he's sensible, he'll play along with them.

With any luck, we should be able to negotiate his return.

If we can't, the Americans should be able to pull

something out of the hat.

Well, that's all very well but we've had one burglary,

one murder and now this.

I think they're all going to remain unsolved crimes,

don't you, Inspector?

Well goodbye, then, Sergeant.

Cheers.

Another day, another dollar.

What do we do now, then, back to the factory?

No, George, I wanna go to Busby's.

I wanna collect a bit of evidence.

I'd like you to keep an eye on Inspector Regan

for me, Nigel.

Very good, sir.

What happens if they won't see us?

Course they will, even the stars like to keep

on the right side of old bill.

Be embarrassing if they won't, though, won't it?

[Regan] That's the only lead we've got left.

Good evening, we're police officers.

Wondered if we could have a quick word with Mr. Morecambe

and Mr. Wise when the show's finished.

Are they expecting you?

[Regan] Well, no, but you can tell them it's

just a routine inquiry.

-[upbeat music] -[crowd applauding]

[all chattering]

I would.

I would.

I would.

I wouldn't.

____ wardrobe girls!

How's he get a job like that?

I'm glad that one's over, I tell you.

You know, there's something wrong with the microphone.

I'm sure they can't hear it.

What do you think of it so far? Rubbish! [laughs]

You're not far off.

You know, they were a tough audience tonight.

They're entitled to be, it was full of foreigners

-out there. -Yeah?

There was only four Englishmen,

and three of them were wearing kilts.

What happened to the other one?

I threw him out, didn't have any clothes on at all.

[laughs]

-Hey. -What?

Is that me looking back at me in there?

I'm afraid so.

Hellfire, and they say show business is easy.

Look at that face, I'm only 28.

-[knocking on door] -Come in.

Excuse me, boys, but there's two plainclothes coppers

at the stage, they're asking to see you for a few minutes.

It's about that book.

It's not, you borrowed it.

[Eric] Okay, tell them to hang on a couple of minutes

while we put our dressing gowns on, eh.

-Okay. -We'll see them later.

Thanks a lot.

[Ernie] I wonder what they want.

-Eh? -The police.

Be a police concert, won't it?

Grrr, not another one!

Yeah, well, you do one for them,

they think they've got you by the short and curlies then.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

All for nout, you know?

There'll be no money in it.

I know, I know what you mean exactly, it's, uh,

do us a favor, boys, the super's a big fan of yours.

And it's all the booze you can drink.

Better get two more glasses because you know

what they drink like.

Oh, not for me, thank you, sir, I'm on duty.

Perhaps my colleague would like one.

He's got a bit of a cold coming on.

And then again, if he's having one,

I might as well have one, I don't want to shock him.

Do you want soda or water?

Just as it is, sir, don't want to ruin a good whisky.

That's the best you've worked for months.

-Do you think so? -Have a lie down.

Thank you very much, thank you.

-[knocking on door] -Who's there?

-Police. -Police who?

-Police come in! -[laughing]

[Eric] Hello, how are you? [Regan] How do you do?

I'm Eric, come in and lie down.

This is Ernie, he's with Interpol.

-How do you do? -Yes, how do you do?

I'm Detective Inspector Regan.

-Oh, yes? -This is my colleague--

Columbo, I've seen him.

Gets a headache in the films, he walks about like that.

Detective Sergeant Colu-- um, Carter.

We're from Scotland Yard.

-Oh, yes? -Yes, Scotland Yard.

I won't take up any more of your time than is necessary.

You're leaving, are you? It's been a pleasure knowing you.

I'll get straight to the point.

Would you like a drink, boys?

-Have a drink. -Not for me, thank you, no.

[Eric] What about Columbo?

Yeah, I will, yeah, cheers.

Yeah, it's fine, Scotch.

Yes, I'll get the Scotch.

-There we are. -There you are.

-Lovely. -Thanks.

Do you want water or soda?

No, no, nothing, thanks, don't want to ruin a good whisky. [Chuckles]

If he's having one, I might as well join him.

Oh, yes, you've got a bad cough, have you?

And I don't want to shock him, you know?

-I'll get it, there you are. -Cheers.

[Ernie] There you are, help yourself, how's that?

-This is good, isn't it? -Very nice, thanks.

[Eric] Quick as you can, there we are.

Don't worry, he'll be on, he'll be on in a minute.

Oh, I could get you on the side, if you like.

I'm with him.

Oooh!

Lucky you, ciao!

It's Jean, she does a quick change,

he does a quick change in here every night, twice nightly.

Well, what about this concert?

I mean, we're pretty tied up these days.

What concert?

Well the police concert you want us to do.

We're not here about a police concert, this is official.

Now, this photograph was autographed by you two.

Has it got any special significance for you?

Well, he knows her better than I do.

-I don't. -Yes, you do.

-I flaming don't. -Yeah, you do.

[Carter] Are you talking about this lady?

[Both] Well, aren't you?

No, no, we're talking about this fella.

He had two of these pictures in his possession.

Have you ever seen him before?

-Of course. -Well, he's a fan.

He's a fan of hers, you see, he's a fan.

A fan?

Yeah, she asked us to sign a couple of photographs

for him.

Yeah, but we didn't know who to sign it to

'cause she never told us his name.

-His name's Busby. -Oh.

-So you know him? -No, no, no, Wendy knows him.

Yes, 'cause he's her fella, you see?

I'm sorry, Wendy, but I couldn't explain on the phone.

The call came out of the blue, I mean, it's been weeks.

Yes, I know, I've been having rather a difficult time.

Listen, darling.

How would you like to come and live with me in California?

What about your wife?

Well, Mark's up at Oxford now

and this opportunity came up.

To tell you the truth, I don't think I can stand her

and her friends a day longer.

Well, what do you say to sunny California?

-Yes! -Good.

Now, listen carefully, and give us a kiss.

These pills are the only ones of their kind in existence.

I've destroyed all the rest.

Now, I want you to keep them

and bring them with you to America.

You see, I'm the only person who knows

how to make this drug.

And if anything were to happen to me,

you can still get hold of the formula

by expert chemical analysis of these pills,

and I've arranged for you to be the sole beneficiary

from the proceeds, but let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Fortunately, there are people who do believe in my work.

And if all goes well, within a month,

we'll be in America beginning a new life.

-I'll drink to that! -That's a good idea.

The boys gave me a bottle of champagne last week.

What, Eric and Ernie?

Now, there's still one or two points I want to iron out.

I've got to fly to America from Paris on Friday,

and when I've finalized my contract

with an American drug corporation, I'll send for you.

Right.

I've got to fly from Paris because there

are several people here who are anxious

that I don't reach America.

And they'll almost certainly be watching London Airport.

I was pursued across Sussex this morning.

I'm jolly lucky to be alive.

But Freddie, who are they, these people who are after you?

I don't know.

They tore my caravan apart today.

Someone also broke into my house,

killing a man in the process.

They're after these, I'm sure of it.

But this is ridiculous, Freddie.

You must go to the police.

Well, I think it might be the police or the MI5

who are after me.

But it was the British Government who stopped you

working on the project in the first place.

They still may not want me to get to America.

Oh, I don't know, it could be the Russians.

Or someone else who don't want the Americans

to benefit from my research, I really have no idea.

All I do know is that I won't feel safe

until I'm in California with you.

Take these, and look after them.

You're my insurance.

All right, but I'm coming to Paris with you.

[door bell rings]

-Yes? -Miss. Wendy Earle?

My name's Regan, this is Sergeant Carter.

We're police officers.

It's nothing to worry about, we just want a little chat.

Wouldn't it be a good idea if we came in?

-Oh, all right. -Thank you.

-Sit down. -Thank you.

Miss. Earle, Professor Busby, Frederick Busby.

-Yes? -You know him?

I knew him.

But you knew him quite well, didn't you?

Can I ask what business it is of yours?

Well, as you may know from the papers,

Professor Busby's house has been burgled.

Now, until we can check the contents with the professor,

we won't know what's been stolen.

At the moment, we seem unable to trace him.

[Wendy] Oh, I see.

And when did you see him last?

It was last summer, September, I think.

I can't really remember when.

But you were seeing rather a lot of him then, weren't you?

Look, you obviously know we had an affair.

Do you have to sit there, sneering like a dirty schoolboy?

Perhaps his crazy wife sent you.

We're not doing this for fun, you know, Miss. Earle.

I'm sorry.

We're just doing our jobs, miss.

Your private life's your own.

If you see or hear anything of him,

give us a bell, will you?

Hm, yeah.

Yes, that's right, Sea Boots, 3:20, Lingfield.

Just a little business of a highly classified nature.

What about Super Spy in the four o'clock at Chepstow?

No, no, inconsistent.

Might just be worth a pound each way.

Yeah.

On to weightier matters, gentlemen.

How was the lovely Miss. Earle?

[Carter] All right, if you like that sort of thing.

Yeah, the photographs were Busby's way of keeping pictures

of the girl about the place

without attracting attention from mom.

So, we were one step ahead of you there, weren't we,

Mr. Bellcourt?

You still are.

No, no, she hasn't seen him for weeks.

I think she's at something.

Nah, she was a nice enough kid.

Listen, when we were talking to her about the ding-dong

she was having with the professor, she got all uptight.

Remember how she slagged off Mrs. Busby?

And then when you said that he'd gone missing,

well, there was no reaction at all, right?

Meaning she knows where he is.

I think we should get a W.

A search warrant.

Oh, no, better leave that to our people.

Oh, that's nice, isn't it?

We do all the donkey work,

then when we turn something up, we get the elbow.

It's easier for us, now this nonsense

with constitutional legalities.

We're investigating a burglary.

All right, give it a try tomorrow morning.

[Freddie] I haven't rung at a bad time, have I?

No love, the first show doesn't start until 6:00 p.m.

Have you got the tickets?

Yes, the train leaves at midnight.

And, uh, those things I gave you.

Yes, they're very safe.

[Freddie] Well, I'm leaving now.

-Take care, Freddie. -I will, see you soon.

[phone disconnects]

I hope you don't mind me saying so,

but you haven't done Harrogan and his props yet.

What? Oh God!

[bell ringing]

Good day, sir, we're undertaking a survey.

We think you can help us by answering a few questions.

[Henry calls out]

Oi, what's the matter with you, then?

What's going on in there, I can't wait for you all night,

you know?

Hurry up!

It's not the phantom rapist, you know, just a cup of coffee.

I'm sorry, Henry, I was behind the door, you see?

-Yeah, I believe you. -Thanks, Henry.

[talking in distance]

Hello, darling, you all right?

Oh, hello, yeah, fine.

Oh, hello, Wendy, love, I'll take Charlies.

No, no, no, I can manage, really.

Oh, please!

I'll take Charlie!

-What was that all about? -Don't know.

-You don't think it was, uh. -Our police business?

Yeah, well, she wouldn't thank us for interfering anyway.

We'll have a chat with her after the show.

-Okay. -[knocking on door]

What am I knocking for, it's open!

[Freddie] You've got a nerve, barging in here,

demanding that I should be a traitor to my country.

We are not demanding anything, Professor.

After all, you have already decided on treachery.

You have in your possession samples of a drug

which is the property of the Department of Health

and Social Security.

You have taken the fruits of several years,

medical research funded by the high-pressed,

British tax payer and sold it to the highest bidder,

an American drug company prepared to fund a new life

for yourself and your young mistress.

My private life is my own affair.

We have friends who take the precaution

of monitoring the misdemeanors of people like yourself,

Professor.

Experience has taught them that it can be most rewarding.

How else do you think we found you?

They're not here.

You know, these pills, they can hardly affect

your golden future in the United States, Professor.

What do you want with them?

They stand between my country and revolutionary freedom.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Anyway, the remaining test capsules are at the laboratory.

I wonder if Miss. Earle agrees with you there, Professor.

Shall we go and ask her?

You leave Miss. Earle out of this.

I'm afraid we cannot afford to do that.

Nor, I fear, Professor, can you.

[door bell rings]

[door closes]

[door bell buzzes]

Good morning.

I've seen you before, haven't I?

[Carter] We're police officers.

Oh, you were at that young girl's yesterday, weren't you?

Yes, that's quite correct, madam.

Have you seen her go out recently?

No, but I saw him go out.

It's disgusting, a young girl like that.

I wouldn't mind, but he's old enough to be her father.

-Is that him? -That's him, all right.

Oh, he's a killer, all right.

Look how close together his eyes are.

I thought you just said he was a child molester.

-[Regan] When did he go out? -About half an hour ago.

I suppose you wouldn't--

Oh, I don't know what she gets up to.

There were two other men with him, they looked like Arabs.

I wouldn't let a daughter of mine have anything

to do with show business.

Thank you.

There's been men coming in and out of here all day long.

I'm going to write to Mrs. Whitehouse about it.

[Carter] Okay.

-[doorbell rings] -She's out.

I'm sorry, I beg your pardon?

I'm going to write to the landlord about this.

I don't believe she's an actress at all.

Excuse me, we're not looking for a woman.

I understood there was a Professor Busby staying there.

Oh, a professor, is he?

He ought to know better.

Do you know where we can find him?

They've all gone, policemen and all.

Policemen, what was the name of Regan's boss?

Do you remember?

Yes, sir, Haskins.

May I use your telephone, madam?

It is literally a matter of life and death.

[sirens wailing]

Who says?

The Prime Minister's office, Jack.

You ought to tell us where you're going.

They've got someone who needs an urgent meeting.

But governor!

Look, Inspector, I don't care what you say,

I do not intend to spend the rest of

my hitherto undistinguished career incarcerated

in the Tower of London.

All right, but listen, Frank.

Get as many of the team as you can down

to the Lakeside Club, Frimley Green, tooled up.

Isn't that rather difficult though?

You know, when you're smiling.

I mean, the ends, you're bound to move your lips.

-I don't. -You don't?

I flaming don't, buster.

All right, let's see you do it then.

Oh, when you're,

[mumbles] oh when you're sniling,

the whole world [coughs] Arsenal!

[crowd laughing]

-Just a moment,please, just a minute. -Yes?

[Eric] Yes.

What's a snile?

It's a slimy thing with a shell on it.

[crowd laughing]

Oh, and you're larking, keep on larking.

And the whole world keeps on larking near you.

You know something?

I can't tell which one's the dummy!

-I've got the glasses on! -[crowd laughing]

When you're crying. You bring on the rain.

Stop your crying.

[Blabbering Nonsense] Be happy again.

[Ernie] Be happy again.

Here, hang about.

[thudding]

You bring on the rain

[Eric] Stop your crying. Be happy again.

[Ernie] Be happy again.

We are prepared to be quite ruthless, Professor.

-I'm sorry, Wendy. -No time for explanations.

Tell them where the pills are, darling.

Tell them!

They're in the ventriloquist doll.

[Eric] When you're smiling.

♪ When your smiling. ♪

[crowd laughing]

Can I put my hand up the back of your raincoat?

-Certainly not! -Well, why not?

There's a vent there already!

-Sit down. -[crowd laughing]

[both singing]

[cheering and applauding]

[sirens wailing]

[Eric] You're not sure?

-Thank you. -Thank you very much.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

Hey, they were a good audience tonight.

Well, why not, they're all drunk.

Here Hyde, Charlie sends his love.

Hey, don't do that to Charlie, what's he playing at?

What's going on here?

[crowd applauding and cheering]

Hang on, love, what's the matter?

We must get the police, quick!

Well, what have they got against Charlie?

Please, they've got the pills!

They haven't, I have.

[high-pitched scream]

[women chattering and shrieking]

-Where did you put your car? -Over there.

[Ernie] Come on!

Get out of the way!

The car!

Excuse me, ladies, we're police officers.

-Excuse me. -What's happening?

[sirens wailing]

Alright come on, back to the cars.

[upbeat music]

[sirens wailing]

[tires screeching]

Listen, there is a level crossing about two miles up here.

If we don't stop them there,

it's straight on to Basingstoke.

Oh! What the hell, come on!

They're gaining on us, we've got to stop them!

Quick, climb on the back and chuck the load off.

He's quite a fool!

Come on, after them!

What the damn fool hell?

Don't drive so fast, he'll fall off.

[sirens drone off]

Over there, it's the only way!

I'm awfully sorry, sir, the road ahead is closed.

I'm awfully sorry, officer, the road ahead is closed.

After all this, Dr. Busby, I think you'd perhaps agree

with me that it would be better if HMG

took the responsibility for looking after your pills.

Well, certainly.

But if you want any more,

you'd better approach my new employer.

It's a slight matter of contractual obligation.

Get all this lot cleaned up, will you, Jack?

I'll see you two back at the office.

Sorry about him, fellas,

but he's actually a great fan of yours.

Yes, it almost showed.

Must be a gift.

We'd better get back, George, sort this lot out.

I'm sorry about this, fellas.

Is there anything we can do for you?

Well, uh, what are you doing on the 25th of this month?

[Both] A police concert?

Resync And Corrections By Chuck :D

[calming music] The Mellow Sweeney Theme