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There's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.
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You know, just round...
3
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A couple of streets from here.
4
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It's completely veggie.
5
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I had a - falafel. It was nice.
6
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It was okay.
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Did you see the news, on telly last night?
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No, just... just wondered.
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You know, there's some bits in the papers.
10
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I checked in in WH Smiths.
11
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Tiny, you know but that's not what I'm...
12
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So you didn't see News at Ten, or...
13
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No. Ah shit.
14
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Oh well!
15
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Two fellas over there...
16
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Can you believe they voted "no"?
17
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Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it!
18
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No, we're not "no", I know. No, but... eighteen!
19
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It's almost worse than if they'd kept it twenty-one.
20
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There'd be some honesty in that.
21
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"We hate you and, you know, piss off."
22
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At least that would have been consistent.
23
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But, "Yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal."
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Big wow.
25
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Of course it's better I know that. Of course it is but...
26
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It's just...
27
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It was 1994!
28
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You know, Jesus.
29
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That's what this fella said last night.
30
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You know, he said it was good that things were changing.
31
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But it just makes you...
32
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I don't want to be tolerated, you know...
33
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Got a bit of falafel in me teeth.
34
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It's impressive when you see it,
35
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the House of Commons. Have you been?
36
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It's bigger than it looks on telly.
37
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I'd just come down, on me own.
38
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Wasn't planning to. I hadn't thought of it, really.
39
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I knew the vote was coming up, the reading of the bill.
40
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I've been following it. But...
41
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But then it was on the front page, that morning,
42
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that Derek Jarman had died and um...
43
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You know, not like it was a sign or anything.
44
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I don't believe in all that.
45
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But, I just thought...
46
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Sod it, I should go.
47
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Show them that we count.
48
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You know, we do exist. It does matter, the things they're talking about.
49
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So...
50
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I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.
51
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I just know he's important, Jarman.
52
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I've seen his version of The Tempest.
53
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It was the first thing I saw at the art house cinema back home.
54
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I never even knew they were a thing.
55
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And I taped Blue off Channel Four a couple of months back.
56
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Haven't watched it yet.
57
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That's been the best thing about sixth-form is discovering things like that.
58
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No one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.
59
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Morons!
60
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There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.
61
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Daz.
62
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And all he'd talk about was wanking.
63
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You know, he was obsessed! It's all he went on about.
64
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And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.
65
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You know, wanking or punching.
66
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I used to think, 'This is what prison must be like.'
67
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You know, this is like - 1984!
68
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Couldn't wait to leave.
69
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I ran from that place, well, metaphorically.
70
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Well, literally, if they'd arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.
71
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Hated it.
72
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We were outside for hours, last night, shifting around, trying to keep warm.
73
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Most people were in groups, actually.
74
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I don't know if they were friends or, um...
75
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you know, Stonewall, that type of thing.
76
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There were some banners and signs and people had candles.
77
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I mean, you needed candles 'cause of how bloody cold it was!
78
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I'm telling you! Flippin' 'eck!
79
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You know, and it was a weird mix of excitement
80
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'cause of what it was, and... boredom, 'cause, it took ages.
81
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And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.
82
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I saw him looking. Caught his eye, looked back.
83
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He was...
84
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He was lovely.
85
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I can be a bit shy.
86
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And then finally, someone come out
87
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and must have said it had been done,
88
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whatever time it was, late...
89
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You know, come out of the House of Commons.
90
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I couldn't see who they were,
91
00:05:06,312 --> 00:05:08,363
and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think,
92
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"Aww!"
93
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'Cause we'd been out there for so long and 'cause,
94
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well, I don't know how many people there were, but...
95
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enough.
96
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You know, two hundred.
97
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Enough for it to feel like...
98
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'cause I'm used to being on my own.
99
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You know, I don't know anyone else who's... gay.
100
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And last night, there's loads of us. And we're nice!
101
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You know, I was looking round and I was thinking,
102
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"These are nice people."
103
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And so you start to think, "Well, of course they'll vote the right way.
104
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"You know, why wouldn't they?
105
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"What would be the point in not?"
106
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You start getting carried away with reason.
107
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And I know... You shouldn't do that.
108
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And so this bloke comes out and he must have said they'd voted eighteen
109
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and everyone started to boo 'cause...
110
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I think we'd all convinced ourselves it was going to be sixteen,
111
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you know, it was going to be equal.
112
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So it was like a... It was like a kick in the teeth.
113
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And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons,
114
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towards the doors he'd come out of. It just happened.
115
00:06:04,635 --> 00:06:08,562
And police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing. And...
116
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:12,038
And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of...
117
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pissed off, you know, and...
118
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and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, you know,
119
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just for a moment, is this...
120
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'Cause a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.
121
00:06:22,743 --> 00:06:25,072
But, it was nothing, really. And...
122
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And then someone shouted, "Let's go to Downing Street,"
123
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and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside the gates for a bit.
124
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And then we all went up to Trafalgar Square
125
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and a group of people started sitting in the road,
126
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to block the traffic, and...
127
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Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit...
128
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um...
129
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self-conscious, I suppose.
130
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But, also, like...
131
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You know, 'cause I was pissed off too.
132
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And the police were getting a bit...
133
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not mardy, but...
134
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It was late...
135
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and I think we could all tell it had run out of steam.
136
00:07:05,911 --> 00:07:08,935
But we were angry. That's the point, and...
137
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So what do you do?
138
00:07:11,854 --> 00:07:13,210
So we did...
139
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that for, you know...
140
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ten minutes.
141
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Then everyone went home.
142
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And then you read this morning
143
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that there were scuffles between police
144
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and "a minority out to cause trouble."
145
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There was no "minority out to cause trouble." It was so... piddly.
146
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There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting, and that's all.
147
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To read the papers, the bit there is,
148
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you'd think it was a kind of riot.
149
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That's kind of interesting, the distortion.
150
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I've never been part of something that's been reported before.
151
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We were all just fed up.
152
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And so I'd missed my train by this point.
153
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And this fella, Marcus, I'd been sitting in the road with,
154
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he asked if I wanted to go back to his.
155
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And I thought, "Well..."
156
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But what do you do? I had nowhere to go and... so I did.
157
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Yeah, that's his name, Marcus.
158
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Well, of course it is! Sorry.
159
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Mark-oos.
160
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Yeah, we went back to his... his flat, and it was...
161
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I mean, it was fine.
162
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It was a bit... not... it was okay.
163
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I think I'd thought, and...
164
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I mean, this is stupid, I know it is,
165
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but I think I'd thought people in London.
166
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You know, London's just a place, isn't it, like any other.
167
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But I suppose you think - "London!"
168
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I don't mean to sound snobby.
169
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It's not snobby. I'm not a snob.
170
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Like my mate Sean's proper bourgeois,
171
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,380
though he'd have you believe he's working class 'cause his dad...
172
00:08:53,518 --> 00:08:56,056
I don't know, once drained a radiator or something.
173
00:08:56,195 --> 00:08:58,836
But I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps
174
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on a Sunday watching Bullseye. So...
175
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I'm not... you know, posh.
176
00:09:05,718 --> 00:09:07,839
Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus,
177
00:09:07,978 --> 00:09:11,906
and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC, in Accounts.
178
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So that's interesting, isn't it?
179
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kind of. Um.
180
00:09:18,439 --> 00:09:20,803
And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay
181
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until I could get a train home in the morning,
182
00:09:22,506 --> 00:09:23,827
and he'd said that was okay.
183
00:09:23,966 --> 00:09:26,921
I was giving off the right vibes, I think. So...
184
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it was cool.
185
00:09:29,909 --> 00:09:31,404
He's a lot older than me.
186
00:09:31,543 --> 00:09:34,115
He's thirty, but he was, um...
187
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,965
You know, nice.
188
00:09:37,104 --> 00:09:38,703
He made us some toast and put the heat on.
189
00:09:38,842 --> 00:09:40,510
So, it was fine.
190
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He had this jam that's made without any sugar.
191
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,156
And we talked a bit.
192
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He said he'd been on a few, uh, marches and things,
193
00:09:50,625 --> 00:09:52,744
you know, not just gay, but other stuff.
194
00:09:53,370 --> 00:09:54,865
Poll tax and...
195
00:09:55,630 --> 00:09:57,055
so that was interesting.
196
00:09:58,202 --> 00:09:59,730
And we talked about last night and...
197
00:09:59,870 --> 00:10:02,686
and called them bastards and put the...
198
00:10:02,824 --> 00:10:04,562
what is it? Uh...
199
00:10:04,701 --> 00:10:06,126
Put the world to rights.
200
00:10:07,412 --> 00:10:09,080
And then he said,
201
00:10:09,219 --> 00:10:11,444
"At least that means you're legal now,"
202
00:10:11,583 --> 00:10:14,294
you know, cos I'm eighteen.
203
00:10:14,433 --> 00:10:16,101
I mean, I'm actually seventeen,
204
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:17,492
but I'd told him I was eighteen
205
00:10:17,631 --> 00:10:20,759
'cause I thought seventeen sounded a bit young.
206
00:10:20,897 --> 00:10:22,844
Oh that's stupid, isn't it?
207
00:10:24,617 --> 00:10:27,328
And, I think, when he said that, I thought...
208
00:10:29,448 --> 00:10:32,611
"Right"... you know.
209
00:10:33,897 --> 00:10:36,365
But I just kind of laughed it off.
210
00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:38,068
And then he said he should go to bed
211
00:10:38,206 --> 00:10:40,675
and he went to get some bedding for me, for the sofa, and...
212
00:10:40,813 --> 00:10:43,107
And I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not.
213
00:10:43,247 --> 00:10:44,915
But, I mean...
214
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,912
well I'm not not a virgin.
215
00:10:51,936 --> 00:10:54,508
But, when he come back in the living room with the bedding,
216
00:10:56,385 --> 00:10:57,879
he was starkers.
217
00:10:58,018 --> 00:10:59,373
And I thought...
218
00:11:00,938 --> 00:11:02,571
'blimey!'
219
00:11:02,710 --> 00:11:05,108
You know, but then I thought, "maybe that's just what he does."
220
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,125
Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.
221
00:11:07,264 --> 00:11:09,002
It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do
222
00:11:09,141 --> 00:11:11,087
until I stopped round his.
223
00:11:11,226 --> 00:11:15,467
Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.
224
00:11:15,605 --> 00:11:17,829
Anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa
225
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,985
and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.
226
00:11:20,123 --> 00:11:22,105
And the duvet didn't have a cover on.
227
00:11:22,244 --> 00:11:24,086
The things that go through your head.
228
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:28,152
I thought, mum'd never give someone a duvet without a cover on it.
229
00:11:29,578 --> 00:11:32,323
So then, he was there,
230
00:11:33,853 --> 00:11:36,946
you know, "Hello, boys."
231
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,553
So I'm kind of...
232
00:11:44,836 --> 00:11:47,234
And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head,
233
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,729
you know, just softly.
234
00:11:50,119 --> 00:11:51,683
And that was actually quite nice.
235
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,715
That sounds pathetic, don't it? And I'm not an idiot.
236
00:11:55,854 --> 00:11:59,260
I knew what... you know, cards were on the table, but...
237
00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:01,797
I thought, "He's letting me stay over.
238
00:12:01,936 --> 00:12:05,204
"And he's not...
239
00:12:05,343 --> 00:12:07,567
"He's quite nice... Looking, I mean.
240
00:12:07,706 --> 00:12:10,522
"He's all right. He's... he's not Kristian Schmid but..."
241
00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:16,325
So I put him in my mouth.
242
00:12:19,975 --> 00:12:21,747
And that seemed to go down well.
243
00:12:23,799 --> 00:12:24,841
And then a minute or two later,
244
00:12:24,980 --> 00:12:26,753
he stood me up and he kissed me, and...
245
00:12:26,892 --> 00:12:30,298
And I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now, you know.
246
00:12:30,437 --> 00:12:32,453
"If I'm not up for this, I've kind of got to say something now
247
00:12:32,592 --> 00:12:34,121
"'Cause you don't want to be rude."
248
00:12:34,260 --> 00:12:35,998
But I didn't say anything.
249
00:12:36,137 --> 00:12:39,022
And so he led me through into his bedroom and he said,
250
00:12:39,161 --> 00:12:40,378
"Is this all right?"
251
00:12:40,516 --> 00:12:42,429
And genuinely, for a split-second,
252
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:45,591
I thought he was asking about his room and I did think,
253
00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:49,936
"Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock."
254
00:12:50,075 --> 00:12:52,439
But he had my top off by that point and...
255
00:12:52,577 --> 00:12:54,837
I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself,
256
00:12:54,976 --> 00:12:58,242
you know, like Brecht, verfremdungseffekt.
257
00:12:58,382 --> 00:13:00,885
And I was kind of talking to myself, saying,
258
00:13:01,023 --> 00:13:03,908
"Is this all right? Is this okay?" You know, keeping calm.
259
00:13:04,047 --> 00:13:06,375
In my head, not...
260
00:13:06,515 --> 00:13:08,844
No, I think that might have put him off.
261
00:13:10,408 --> 00:13:13,814
But it was just nice not be rushed, 'cause,
262
00:13:13,953 --> 00:13:16,351
I suppose everything I've done up to now has been at parties, with...
263
00:13:16,490 --> 00:13:18,854
lads from college who...
264
00:13:18,992 --> 00:13:22,955
Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.
265
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,040
I say lads. It makes it sound like there's hundreds of them.
266
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:28,099
There's not, believe me. I really just mean...
267
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,853
You know, I just mean Jamie Flynn I suppose.
268
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:34,911
And Sean.
269
00:13:36,197 --> 00:13:37,379
We...
270
00:13:38,699 --> 00:13:41,410
not... not regularly, you know, not...
271
00:13:42,662 --> 00:13:44,747
if he's drunk and in the right mood.
272
00:13:44,887 --> 00:13:47,250
And I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time.
273
00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:48,709
But...
274
00:13:48,849 --> 00:13:50,205
well, it's an art more than it is a science.
275
00:13:50,343 --> 00:13:52,499
And you've either got one eye on the door or worse,
276
00:13:52,637 --> 00:13:55,174
you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood
277
00:13:55,314 --> 00:13:57,538
or after decides it didn't happen.
278
00:13:57,677 --> 00:13:59,206
And I don't mean nasty, but just ...
279
00:14:01,118 --> 00:14:05,150
Yeah, so it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything,
280
00:14:05,289 --> 00:14:07,965
you know, with an accountant!
281
00:14:08,104 --> 00:14:10,085
I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest.
282
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:11,719
But well, he didn't...
283
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:15,647
you know, he was nice, patient.
284
00:14:15,785 --> 00:14:18,531
He kept talking to me and checking I was okay.
285
00:14:18,671 --> 00:14:20,373
I almost wished he wouldn't.
286
00:14:20,512 --> 00:14:23,119
I almost wanted him to just go for it.
287
00:14:24,891 --> 00:14:26,734
Almost.
288
00:14:26,873 --> 00:14:29,375
And I think weirdly, and this feels weird,
289
00:14:29,515 --> 00:14:31,426
now I come to think about it, but...
290
00:14:31,565 --> 00:14:34,589
because I didn't madly fancy him,
291
00:14:34,728 --> 00:14:37,091
it meant I could relax a bit more.
292
00:14:37,231 --> 00:14:39,733
It didn't seem as important as it might have done.
293
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:44,390
I could just... do what he told me and...
294
00:14:44,530 --> 00:14:46,233
weirdly, that was kind of easier.
295
00:14:47,171 --> 00:14:48,248
I think.
296
00:14:49,743 --> 00:14:53,114
I mean, it wasn't easy, really, but...
297
00:14:53,253 --> 00:14:56,173
While we were doing it, I can't believe I'm telling you all this.
298
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:59,441
I had a real coffee earlier, I think it's kicking in.
299
00:14:59,579 --> 00:15:01,908
There was a moment where I was thinking,
300
00:15:02,047 --> 00:15:03,889
"two hours ago I was outside parliament,
301
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:06,391
"and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this!"
302
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:08,234
And that made me laugh, and that turned him on
303
00:15:08,372 --> 00:15:09,902
'cause he thought it meant I was getting into it.
304
00:15:10,041 --> 00:15:11,536
And I was getting into it!
305
00:15:11,675 --> 00:15:13,726
But not 'cause of... not just 'cause of him.
306
00:15:13,864 --> 00:15:15,741
You know, I was thinking about all the...
307
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,235
tossers who'd opposed it,
308
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,487
opposed me, and I was thinking,
309
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:21,129
"if you could fucking see me now...
310
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:22,727
"you know, fucking!"
311
00:15:24,534 --> 00:15:29,227
You know, and I felt great. Oh, I felt great!
312
00:15:29,366 --> 00:15:31,590
Who'd have predicted I'd spend my first time thinking about
313
00:15:31,729 --> 00:15:35,553
Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn?
314
00:15:35,691 --> 00:15:38,160
I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while doing it before,
315
00:15:38,298 --> 00:15:40,211
you know, including people they're doing it with.
316
00:15:40,349 --> 00:15:44,729
If they do ever do it, the desiccated... twats.
317
00:15:46,848 --> 00:15:49,038
I mean, I wasn't dwelling on them. I'm not a pervert.
318
00:15:49,178 --> 00:15:50,255
But it did give it a...
319
00:15:51,506 --> 00:15:52,966
a frisson.
320
00:16:00,161 --> 00:16:01,308
(CLEARS THROAT)
321
00:16:03,359 --> 00:16:05,027
I've never said "frisson" before.
322
00:16:06,451 --> 00:16:07,981
I've only ever seen it written down.
323
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,109
That's one of those words, you know, like...
324
00:16:12,743 --> 00:16:13,855
hyperbole.
325
00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:19,277
And then,
326
00:16:19,416 --> 00:16:23,552
after he turned the light off and he held me while he fell asleep, and...
327
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,384
All I could think was,
328
00:16:28,522 --> 00:16:32,763
"I hope mum and dad weren't watching the TV news," 'cause...
329
00:16:32,902 --> 00:16:36,064
at one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons,
330
00:16:38,045 --> 00:16:39,888
that's when I'd seen the cameras.
331
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:49,794
They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras,
332
00:16:49,932 --> 00:16:51,496
like spotlights,
333
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:55,007
'cause it was dark, obviously.
334
00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:57,301
And I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me,
335
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,622
so I wouldn't be seen,
336
00:16:58,761 --> 00:17:00,082
but he moved out of the way
337
00:17:00,221 --> 00:17:01,506
just at the same moment that one of them swung round
338
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,592
and I know it got me full in the face.
339
00:17:05,469 --> 00:17:07,415
And if that's been on the News at Ten,
340
00:17:07,867 --> 00:17:09,084
I'm dead.
341
00:17:10,335 --> 00:17:13,046
So, that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.
342
00:17:15,583 --> 00:17:19,372
Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.
343
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,786
I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.
344
00:17:23,925 --> 00:17:27,748
I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this." But...
345
00:17:27,887 --> 00:17:30,772
then I thought, "But who's gonna say anything?"
346
00:17:30,911 --> 00:17:33,553
And, I mean, who is? Who really cares?
347
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:39,878
They're quite dry, aren't they, falafels?
348
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,084
My friend, Alissa, she's a vegetarian.
349
00:17:44,223 --> 00:17:47,698
I mean, not just a vegetarian, she is quite fussy as well, you know,
350
00:17:47,838 --> 00:17:49,749
fries everything in water.
351
00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:51,869
She's got this, um...
352
00:17:53,399 --> 00:17:56,944
Futon... No, tofu instead of chicken.
353
00:17:57,083 --> 00:17:58,438
Have you tried it?
354
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,602
I had some once.
355
00:18:01,741 --> 00:18:03,896
I wouldn't go mad.
356
00:18:04,035 --> 00:18:05,981
It's not really a substitute.
357
00:18:10,742 --> 00:18:12,272
He's got his hand on his leg now.
358
00:18:13,245 --> 00:18:14,774
Those two blokes.
359
00:18:17,243 --> 00:18:18,563
It's just nice to see.
360
00:18:19,814 --> 00:18:21,969
You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.
361
00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:24,923
Gatsby's.
362
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:27,253
MGM on the first Monday of every month.
363
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,789
But, here...
364
00:18:31,979 --> 00:18:33,960
well it's not lunchtime yet!
365
00:18:38,340 --> 00:18:41,189
My two hopes are, that there won't be much coverage of it,
366
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,545
and that's quite a good bet,
367
00:18:42,685 --> 00:18:44,422
that it won't be on at all
368
00:18:44,562 --> 00:18:46,299
or that they'll only show one or two seconds,
369
00:18:46,438 --> 00:18:48,593
so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it
370
00:18:48,732 --> 00:18:51,548
or that mum and dad weren't watching last night.
371
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:56,830
Or that they were watching and I was on it,
372
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:59,507
but they didn't see me, 'cause they won't be looking for me.
373
00:18:59,645 --> 00:19:01,418
They won't be expecting me to be on it.
374
00:19:03,399 --> 00:19:05,589
They think I stayed round Sean's last night.
375
00:19:07,987 --> 00:19:12,158
I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it - Sean.
376
00:19:12,298 --> 00:19:14,939
I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.
377
00:19:16,433 --> 00:19:17,963
It was good fun.
378
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:22,272
It's funny, isn't it? 'cause...
379
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:23,836
if they'd said yes,
380
00:19:23,976 --> 00:19:26,234
if they'd made it sixteen,
381
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,780
then I'd have gone straight home.
29500
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