Original subtitles

There's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.

You know, just round...

A couple of streets from here.

It's completely veggie.

I had a - falafel. It was nice.

It was okay.

Did you see the news, on telly last night?

No, just... just wondered.

You know, there's some bits in the papers.

I checked in in WH Smiths.

Tiny, you know but that's not what I'm...

So you didn't see News at Ten, or...

No. Ah shit.

Oh well!

Two fellas over there...

Can you believe they voted "no"?

Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it!

No, we're not "no", I know. No, but... eighteen!

It's almost worse than if they'd kept it twenty-one.

There'd be some honesty in that.

"We hate you and, you know, piss off."

At least that would have been consistent.

But, "Yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal."

Big wow.

Of course it's better I know that. Of course it is but...

It's just...

It was 1994!

You know, Jesus.

That's what this fella said last night.

You know, he said it was good that things were changing.

But it just makes you...

I don't want to be tolerated, you know...

Got a bit of falafel in me teeth.

It's impressive when you see it,

the House of Commons. Have you been?

It's bigger than it looks on telly.

I'd just come down, on me own.

Wasn't planning to. I hadn't thought of it, really.

I knew the vote was coming up, the reading of the bill.

I've been following it. But...

But then it was on the front page, that morning,

that Derek Jarman had died and um...

You know, not like it was a sign or anything.

I don't believe in all that.

But, I just thought...

Sod it, I should go.

Show them that we count.

You know, we do exist. It does matter, the things they're talking about.

So...

I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.

I just know he's important, Jarman.

I've seen his version of The Tempest.

It was the first thing I saw at the art house cinema back home.

I never even knew they were a thing.

And I taped Blue off Channel Four a couple of months back.

Haven't watched it yet.

That's been the best thing about sixth-form is discovering things like that.

No one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.

Morons!

There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.

Daz.

And all he'd talk about was wanking.

You know, he was obsessed! It's all he went on about.

And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.

You know, wanking or punching.

I used to think, 'This is what prison must be like.'

You know, this is like - 1984!

Couldn't wait to leave.

I ran from that place, well, metaphorically.

Well, literally, if they'd arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.

Hated it.

We were outside for hours, last night, shifting around, trying to keep warm.

Most people were in groups, actually.

I don't know if they were friends or, um...

you know, Stonewall, that type of thing.

There were some banners and signs and people had candles.

I mean, you needed candles 'cause of how bloody cold it was!

I'm telling you! Flippin' 'eck!

You know, and it was a weird mix of excitement

'cause of what it was, and... boredom, 'cause, it took ages.

And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.

I saw him looking. Caught his eye, looked back.

He was...

He was lovely.

I can be a bit shy.

And then finally, someone come out

and must have said it had been done,

whatever time it was, late...

You know, come out of the House of Commons.

I couldn't see who they were,

and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think,

"Aww!"

'Cause we'd been out there for so long and 'cause,

well, I don't know how many people there were, but...

enough.

You know, two hundred.

Enough for it to feel like...

'cause I'm used to being on my own.

You know, I don't know anyone else who's... gay.

And last night, there's loads of us. And we're nice!

You know, I was looking round and I was thinking,

"These are nice people."

And so you start to think, "Well, of course they'll vote the right way.

"You know, why wouldn't they?

"What would be the point in not?"

You start getting carried away with reason.

And I know... You shouldn't do that.

And so this bloke comes out and he must have said they'd voted eighteen

and everyone started to boo 'cause...

I think we'd all convinced ourselves it was going to be sixteen,

you know, it was going to be equal.

So it was like a... It was like a kick in the teeth.

And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons,

towards the doors he'd come out of. It just happened.

And police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing. And...

And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of...

pissed off, you know, and...

and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, you know,

just for a moment, is this...

'Cause a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.

But, it was nothing, really. And...

And then someone shouted, "Let's go to Downing Street,"

and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside the gates for a bit.

And then we all went up to Trafalgar Square

and a group of people started sitting in the road,

to block the traffic, and...

Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit...

um...

self-conscious, I suppose.

But, also, like...

You know, 'cause I was pissed off too.

And the police were getting a bit...

not mardy, but...

It was late...

and I think we could all tell it had run out of steam.

But we were angry. That's the point, and...

So what do you do?

So we did...

that for, you know...

ten minutes.

Then everyone went home.

And then you read this morning

that there were scuffles between police

and "a minority out to cause trouble."

There was no "minority out to cause trouble." It was so... piddly.

There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting, and that's all.

To read the papers, the bit there is,

you'd think it was a kind of riot.

That's kind of interesting, the distortion.

I've never been part of something that's been reported before.

We were all just fed up.

And so I'd missed my train by this point.

And this fella, Marcus, I'd been sitting in the road with,

he asked if I wanted to go back to his.

And I thought, "Well..."

But what do you do? I had nowhere to go and... so I did.

Yeah, that's his name, Marcus.

Well, of course it is! Sorry.

Mark-oos.

Yeah, we went back to his... his flat, and it was...

I mean, it was fine.

It was a bit... not... it was okay.

I think I'd thought, and...

I mean, this is stupid, I know it is,

but I think I'd thought people in London.

You know, London's just a place, isn't it, like any other.

But I suppose you think - "London!"

I don't mean to sound snobby.

It's not snobby. I'm not a snob.

Like my mate Sean's proper bourgeois,

though he'd have you believe he's working class 'cause his dad...

I don't know, once drained a radiator or something.

But I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps

on a Sunday watching Bullseye. So...

I'm not... you know, posh.

Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus,

and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC, in Accounts.

So that's interesting, isn't it?

kind of. Um.

And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay

until I could get a train home in the morning,

and he'd said that was okay.

I was giving off the right vibes, I think. So...

it was cool.

He's a lot older than me.

He's thirty, but he was, um...

You know, nice.

He made us some toast and put the heat on.

So, it was fine.

He had this jam that's made without any sugar.

And we talked a bit.

He said he'd been on a few, uh, marches and things,

you know, not just gay, but other stuff.

Poll tax and...

so that was interesting.

And we talked about last night and...

and called them bastards and put the...

what is it? Uh...

Put the world to rights.

And then he said,

"At least that means you're legal now,"

you know, cos I'm eighteen.

I mean, I'm actually seventeen,

but I'd told him I was eighteen

'cause I thought seventeen sounded a bit young.

Oh that's stupid, isn't it?

And, I think, when he said that, I thought...

"Right"... you know.

But I just kind of laughed it off.

And then he said he should go to bed

and he went to get some bedding for me, for the sofa, and...

And I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not.

But, I mean...

well I'm not not a virgin.

But, when he come back in the living room with the bedding,

he was starkers.

And I thought...

'blimey!'

You know, but then I thought, "maybe that's just what he does."

Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.

It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do

until I stopped round his.

Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.

Anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa

and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.

And the duvet didn't have a cover on.

The things that go through your head.

I thought, mum'd never give someone a duvet without a cover on it.

So then, he was there,

you know, "Hello, boys."

So I'm kind of...

And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head,

you know, just softly.

And that was actually quite nice.

That sounds pathetic, don't it? And I'm not an idiot.

I knew what... you know, cards were on the table, but...

I thought, "He's letting me stay over.

"And he's not...

"He's quite nice... Looking, I mean.

"He's all right. He's... he's not Kristian Schmid but..."

So I put him in my mouth.

And that seemed to go down well.

And then a minute or two later,

he stood me up and he kissed me, and...

And I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now, you know.

"If I'm not up for this, I've kind of got to say something now

"'Cause you don't want to be rude."

But I didn't say anything.

And so he led me through into his bedroom and he said,

"Is this all right?"

And genuinely, for a split-second,

I thought he was asking about his room and I did think,

"Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock."

But he had my top off by that point and...

I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself,

you know, like Brecht, verfremdungseffekt.

And I was kind of talking to myself, saying,

"Is this all right? Is this okay?" You know, keeping calm.

In my head, not...

No, I think that might have put him off.

But it was just nice not be rushed, 'cause,

I suppose everything I've done up to now has been at parties, with...

lads from college who...

Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.

I say lads. It makes it sound like there's hundreds of them.

There's not, believe me. I really just mean...

You know, I just mean Jamie Flynn I suppose.

And Sean.

We...

not... not regularly, you know, not...

if he's drunk and in the right mood.

And I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time.

But...

well, it's an art more than it is a science.

And you've either got one eye on the door or worse,

you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood

or after decides it didn't happen.

And I don't mean nasty, but just ...

Yeah, so it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything,

you know, with an accountant!

I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest.

But well, he didn't...

you know, he was nice, patient.

He kept talking to me and checking I was okay.

I almost wished he wouldn't.

I almost wanted him to just go for it.

Almost.

And I think weirdly, and this feels weird,

now I come to think about it, but...

because I didn't madly fancy him,

it meant I could relax a bit more.

It didn't seem as important as it might have done.

I could just... do what he told me and...

weirdly, that was kind of easier.

I think.

I mean, it wasn't easy, really, but...

While we were doing it, I can't believe I'm telling you all this.

I had a real coffee earlier, I think it's kicking in.

There was a moment where I was thinking,

"two hours ago I was outside parliament,

"and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this!"

And that made me laugh, and that turned him on

'cause he thought it meant I was getting into it.

And I was getting into it!

But not 'cause of... not just 'cause of him.

You know, I was thinking about all the...

tossers who'd opposed it,

opposed me, and I was thinking,

"if you could fucking see me now...

"you know, fucking!"

You know, and I felt great. Oh, I felt great!

Who'd have predicted I'd spend my first time thinking about

Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn?

I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while doing it before,

you know, including people they're doing it with.

If they do ever do it, the desiccated... twats.

I mean, I wasn't dwelling on them. I'm not a pervert.

But it did give it a...

a frisson.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I've never said "frisson" before.

I've only ever seen it written down.

That's one of those words, you know, like...

hyperbole.

And then,

after he turned the light off and he held me while he fell asleep, and...

All I could think was,

"I hope mum and dad weren't watching the TV news," 'cause...

at one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons,

that's when I'd seen the cameras.

They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras,

like spotlights,

'cause it was dark, obviously.

And I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me,

so I wouldn't be seen,

but he moved out of the way

just at the same moment that one of them swung round

and I know it got me full in the face.

And if that's been on the News at Ten,

I'm dead.

So, that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.

Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.

I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.

I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this." But...

then I thought, "But who's gonna say anything?"

And, I mean, who is? Who really cares?

They're quite dry, aren't they, falafels?

My friend, Alissa, she's a vegetarian.

I mean, not just a vegetarian, she is quite fussy as well, you know,

fries everything in water.

She's got this, um...

Futon... No, tofu instead of chicken.

Have you tried it?

I had some once.

I wouldn't go mad.

It's not really a substitute.

He's got his hand on his leg now.

Those two blokes.

It's just nice to see.

You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.

Gatsby's.

MGM on the first Monday of every month.

But, here...

well it's not lunchtime yet!

My two hopes are, that there won't be much coverage of it,

and that's quite a good bet,

that it won't be on at all

or that they'll only show one or two seconds,

so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it

or that mum and dad weren't watching last night.

Or that they were watching and I was on it,

but they didn't see me, 'cause they won't be looking for me.

They won't be expecting me to be on it.

They think I stayed round Sean's last night.

I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it - Sean.

I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.

It was good fun.

It's funny, isn't it? 'cause...

if they'd said yes,

if they'd made it sixteen,

then I'd have gone straight home.