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(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
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Douglas Fairbanks there thinks he's in with a chance,
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bit of company on a wet Friday night.
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Except old Douggie doesn't have a cast in his eye and a built-up shoe.
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Least not last time I was at the Flickers.
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It's always the eyes.
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That's how you know.
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A glance held just that little bit too long.
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Dragged off to one side,
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like the trail of a Very light in the dark.
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After the do, the, um, interview,
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the officer asks me, not unkindly, I must say,
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"So how do you chaps,
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"chaps like you and the Captain,
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"know one another?"
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So I told him.
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Not my words. Something somebody said to me once.
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"A certain liquidity of the eye".
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That's how he knew.
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My eyes are bad, mind you.
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Too bad for shooting Prussians, at any rate.
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So I was shunted onto hospital work.
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"Cushy", says Sam,
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"That's a charabanc holiday, Perce.
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"You always wanted to see France, didn't you?"
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(CHUCKLES)
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I remember my first day in resus, resuscitation tent.
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That's where they take the dying or the nearly dying and the shocked ones.
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There's heated beds to put some life back into them and transfusions.
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Our guns were going hell for leather.
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The sky was all lit up.
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Powdery. Green. Horrible green.
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Like the air was sick.
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Star shells. Verys. Dumps going up.
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And then the ambulances come in and we have to ferry them in,
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the ones that can't walk.
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And they've got these labels on them that tell you what's wrong with them.
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Hmm, like left luggage.
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You ever carried a stretcher? Bloody horrible.
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You feel like your arms are going to pop out of their sockets.
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Some chaps can get very heavy.
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Those that can walk into the hospital
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are covered in mud and salt sweat, caked in it.
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All stiff and cracked. Like moving statues.
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Like those poor fuckers in Pompeii what got covered in lava.
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I seen photographs of them in the lending library.
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And then, in the resus tent,
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the thing you'd never expect,
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silence.
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Not a moan or a groan.
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They're beyond all that, I suppose, most of them.
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Smoking. Breathing. Just about.
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Mind you, I've seen what a transfusion can do and it is a bloody miracle.
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Lads with one foot in the grave and their pulse is all thready.
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They have the transfusion, they're up, they're joking,
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they're having a smoke in a couple of hours.
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I said to Captain Leslie, I said,
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"You wouldn't credit it, would you? It's like...
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"It's like witchcraft".
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"Sounds about right", he says,
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"since we're in hell".
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But he says it with a smile.
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And when he does that, there's creases in his cheeks, like ripples in the sand.
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"You're a credit to this unit, Percy", he says to me.
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"You've all the tenderness of a woman".
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And he shakes my hand.
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"It's Terence", he says. And I say, "what is?" He says, "Me.
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"My name. Terence Leslie. Do call me Terence.
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"I can't bear all this formal rot".
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But...
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he's an officer and it don't seem right, so...
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"I'll stick to Captain Leslie", I say,
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"if it's all the same".
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He just smiles again and shrugs.
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His eyelashes are long.
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Long and blond.
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I can't see much of his hair because it's under his cap.
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But then, one day, I'm bringing in a stretcher,
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and he takes his hat off, and just like that, his hair tumbles out.
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Yellow as corn.
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And I must have stared because he grins at me
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and pushes his hair out of his eyes and says,
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"Come along, Perce, stir your stumps".
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But I don't move.
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And just for a bit...
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Like I said, held just a...
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Just a moment too long.
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Douglas Fairbanks over there will give me a wink in a minute.
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There you go.
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Always been a skinny bugger, me.
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Thin as a whip, Mother says. Father was the same.
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Mother always had a bit more beef on her
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after she had Albert and me.
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And there was one before us.
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A boy.
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But he died.
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He was called Percy and all.
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Poison berries. Never think a thing like that can happen but it does.
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I can remember Mother showing me the pictures in the medicine book.
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All shiny and glossy pictures like Jesus in the book at Sunday school.
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And little Percy, he'd grabbed a handful of these berries and
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that was that.
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Box, I think, the berries.
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Black, like little bullets or liquorice sweeties.
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Maybe that's what Little Percy thought they was.
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Anyway, they done for him. And then,
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a year or so after that, along comes I.
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And they called me Percy too.
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Bit odd, some might say a bit morbid.
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But Mother always said that she could see him in me.
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And she looks so funny when she says that to me and she looks so sad.
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But I don't think it's just because of little Percy
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because there was another time she looked at me the same way.
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It was freezing, I remember that.
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We was waiting for a train.
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Dad had some business in Reading.
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I forget what it was.
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We were to come with and make a day of it.
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I was 15, thereabouts, Albert was 12.
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I'd been despatched in search of tea and buns.
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They all sat in the waiting room,
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steam coming off them, like wet dogs.
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Anyway, I'm on my way to the refreshments and there's a commotion.
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So I think, "Oh, the train must be coming in".
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So, I say to the girl behind the tea-stall...
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Pretty girl, I remember, with bows in her hair.
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I ask her to get a shift on.
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She says, "What's the hurry? The Reading train's not in for another quarter of an hour".
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So I think, "What's all the fuss about then?"
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And then I see it ahead of me on the platform.
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Policemen. At least I think they're policemen.
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But then I look properly and they're not. They're from the jail.
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Dark uniforms. Little hats with shiny brims.
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And between them,
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a... Well, a...
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A prisoner,
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waiting to be taken away, I suppose.
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And it's not the first time I've seen as such.
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Used to see them a lot, poor bastards,
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shuffling along in their chains
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and the arrows on their clothes.
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And it's rough clobber too. Like to make you itch. Worse than this.
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So why are all these folk whispering and pointing, I wonder?
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So I look at the chap in the chains.
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And he's a big chap,
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sort of like a... A big bear of a fellow
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with a big, slack, pouchy face.
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Fattish, except it's all sunk in now.
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And his hair, what was most likely black as your hat
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is all shot through with grey.
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And he looks wretched.
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As well he might. There's rain dripping off his hair
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and down the creases in his big face.
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And then I realise, it's not just rain, he's bloody crying.
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And then he looks at me.
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And there it was.
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In that moment.
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"A certain liquidity of the eye".
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And then he looks back down at his boots.
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And it's as if the whole world has come tumbling down around him.
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I stand there
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and I think,
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"He knows me.
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"He knows me for what I am.
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"He can see it in me".
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And I start to shake.
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And it's not from the cold, it's shame.
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And fear. And
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terror.
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Then someone starts laughing.
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And there's a little girl and she's wandered close to the prisoner.
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She's got a little wooden horse on a dirty bit of string.
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And then her mother
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goes up and drags the girl away from the man
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as if he were like to eat her up.
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And then I hear it. A name.
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Whispered behind fancy gloves and November hands what are stiff with cold.
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"It's him, isn't it?"
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And suddenly Dad's beside me and he's gripping my arm.
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And he says, "Are you alright, Perce?"
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And he's proper worried.
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And there's a sort of ringing noise in my ear
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and I feel for a moment like I might faint.
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But then, this chap goes straight up to the prisoner on the platform and he...
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He spits in his face.
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And Dad looks shocked.
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And just then the train comes puffing into the station,
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steam everywhere.
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And I look back to the prisoner
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but he's covered now in a great big cloud of steam.
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Dad picks up the tea and the buns and he gets us into the carriage.
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It smells of damp wool and musty like church.
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And there's little beads of rain on the window,
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the open window.
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And Mum pulls down the leather strap
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and the sound sort of snaps me out of it.
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"What was all that fuss about there, Clem?"
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And Dad sups at his tea and it hangs in little drops
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from the ends of his Kitchener 'tache.
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"You won't believe it", he says.
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"Out there on the platform, waiting to be taken to prison".
202
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"Who?" pipes up Albert.
203
00:11:43,063 --> 00:11:45,774
And he looks at us and he shakes his head in wonder.
204
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"Oscar Wilde", he says.
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And then Mum looks at me
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tender, like.
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I've never had the nerve.
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That's the thing, I suppose.
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The notion of getting in trouble or being a bother.
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I could always imagine Mother's face if she'd found out I'd been
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up to things.
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And I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear to disappoint. So...
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I didn't... I didn't do anything about it.
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Not even a tuppeny wank with Sam or nothing.
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00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:36,345
I kept me own counsel, as they say.
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00:12:40,795 --> 00:12:43,888
Also there was a girl who was sweet on me, Annie.
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And that sort of stopped people asking, I suppose.
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We courted for a long while
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but she got fed up because I never asked her to marry me.
220
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I took on like Annie'd broke my heart.
221
00:12:59,285 --> 00:13:03,352
And then, what with one thing or another, and then the war, it sort of,
222
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somehow I got away with it.
223
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A lot of questions, of course,
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especially when all us Tommies was billeted together for the first time.
225
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"You married?" "No".
226
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"You got a girl?" "Well, I used to..."
227
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:25,040
And then, one day, in Amiens, there was a sort of lull.
228
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Hot as hell, it was.
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00:13:29,836 --> 00:13:32,166
Not what you think. People think of all that mud and rain.
230
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But we was there the live long year.
231
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And sometimes it was hot and parched. Fucking flies everywhere.
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Blue and green bellies on them. Fat.
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Great clouds of them because of the dead bodies.
234
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And Captain Leslie comes up to me
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and he slaps me on the shoulder and he says,
236
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"Come along, Perce, we're going hunting!"
237
00:13:50,935 --> 00:13:54,271
And I say, "What?" And he says, "Butterflies!"
238
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Because we were camped on this sort of downland.
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00:13:58,581 --> 00:14:02,196
And there's marigolds and poppies all over with little splashes of colour.
240
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I can still taste the dust.
241
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Chalky.
242
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In your mouth and your hair and...
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00:14:12,623 --> 00:14:14,917
on the Dunlop tyres like white paint,
244
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because Terence had only gone and got us bicycles, the silly bugger!
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And it was only for a few hours
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but you could forget, you know,
247
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for a bit, everything that was going on.
248
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,507
And we came to this sort of lake.
249
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It was a crater-hole, I suppose,
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and the water was glass-green and clear like a perfume bottle.
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And Terence,
252
00:14:39,177 --> 00:14:42,444
he starts hollering and rattling the bike down to the water
253
00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:45,155
and he pulls off all his clothes and in he goes!
254
00:14:47,032 --> 00:14:52,559
I follows. And then we go splashing about in our birthday suits.
255
00:14:52,697 --> 00:14:55,617
And he's brick red from the sunshine but not where his shirt's been
256
00:14:55,756 --> 00:14:59,718
so he's got this sort of red face and arms, and the rest of him is...
257
00:15:01,213 --> 00:15:02,603
Is like a ghost.
258
00:15:06,148 --> 00:15:08,894
And after we've swum about
259
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:12,057
we just lie on the grass and fall asleep.
260
00:15:14,629 --> 00:15:17,897
You can hear the buzz of the flies but they're a way off
261
00:15:18,035 --> 00:15:21,302
and some of the ones that are closer ones are butterflies so that's alright.
262
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,353
And I just
263
00:15:23,492 --> 00:15:27,177
lie there and I watch Terence sleeping and
264
00:15:27,315 --> 00:15:29,435
his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.
265
00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:34,406
And his hair is golden
266
00:15:34,544 --> 00:15:37,013
and the line of his jaw is just sort of
267
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:39,376
perfect.
268
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,373
Like a draughtsman's drawn it.
269
00:15:44,312 --> 00:15:45,667
Like I'd drawn it.
270
00:15:47,857 --> 00:15:51,749
And his lips are dark and full and they're like bramble.
271
00:15:53,383 --> 00:15:56,963
And all I want to do is bend down and...
272
00:16:00,369 --> 00:16:01,725
And he opens his eyes
273
00:16:02,906 --> 00:16:04,053
and squints.
274
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:09,511
Then he lifts his hand to cover them so he can see better.
275
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:11,665
And he says,
276
00:16:12,952 --> 00:16:14,480
"We'd best be getting back".
277
00:16:20,007 --> 00:16:22,127
We all had on us the stench of death.
278
00:16:23,448 --> 00:16:25,637
The bread we ate, the stagnant water.
279
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:28,765
Everything we touched had a rotten smell.
280
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,623
But that day, everything was okay.
281
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,064
It was bright.
282
00:16:38,428 --> 00:16:39,922
And it was pure, you see.
283
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,596
And nobody had seen, had they?
284
00:16:50,454 --> 00:16:51,705
I done my bit.
285
00:16:52,992 --> 00:16:56,501
The officer mentioned that, exemplary service.
286
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,742
When he took me aside for a quiet word.
287
00:17:00,881 --> 00:17:05,956
And, of course, what had Terence and me, what had the Captain and me
288
00:17:06,094 --> 00:17:07,173
got up to?
289
00:17:09,292 --> 00:17:10,856
Sweet F.A.
290
00:17:10,995 --> 00:17:15,062
But someone had seen us and
291
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:16,870
they thought, "Hello, what's going on here?"
292
00:17:17,008 --> 00:17:20,866
And it's bad for morale and all that.
293
00:17:21,005 --> 00:17:23,335
So I was to be sent elsewhere.
294
00:17:29,868 --> 00:17:33,032
And of course I didn't get to see the Captain, did I,
295
00:17:33,170 --> 00:17:35,082
because he'd been transferred too.
296
00:17:37,271 --> 00:17:40,331
I was packed onto this carriage,
297
00:17:40,469 --> 00:17:43,285
sweat and tobacco smelling and fellas pushing up against you
298
00:17:43,423 --> 00:17:44,987
and shoving for room.
299
00:17:45,127 --> 00:17:47,977
And the train gives a great big lurch and then it starts off.
300
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,071
I just
301
00:17:51,209 --> 00:17:54,233
sit down on the floor and pull me cap over me eyes and drift off.
302
00:17:57,674 --> 00:18:00,385
I don't know how much time has passed, but
303
00:18:00,524 --> 00:18:01,775
I wake up
304
00:18:02,609 --> 00:18:04,209
and it's dark outside.
305
00:18:06,154 --> 00:18:09,144
And the train's pulling into a station.
306
00:18:09,283 --> 00:18:13,940
And in the carriage it's just these little night lights on, bluey.
307
00:18:14,079 --> 00:18:16,756
Make everyone look three-parts dead.
308
00:18:16,894 --> 00:18:19,954
And the train pulls into the station.
309
00:18:20,092 --> 00:18:24,437
And it's going slow like, puffing like some of them boys in the resus tent.
310
00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:27,287
And then
311
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,198
I do see him.
312
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,188
Terence.
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00:18:33,543 --> 00:18:36,324
He's out the window, on the platform.
314
00:18:37,331 --> 00:18:38,444
Great-coat,
315
00:18:39,557 --> 00:18:42,962
hair tucked under his cap, neat.
316
00:18:43,102 --> 00:18:45,256
And he's talking to someone
317
00:18:45,396 --> 00:18:46,890
and they must have made him laugh
318
00:18:47,029 --> 00:18:48,488
because there's those little lines in his cheeks again.
319
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,103
But he don't see me.
320
00:18:52,242 --> 00:18:55,649
So I push through the carriage past the other fellas.
321
00:18:55,787 --> 00:18:57,630
And it's not easy, you know, because most have dropped off
322
00:18:57,769 --> 00:18:59,785
and I trip over some poor bugger and he curses me.
323
00:18:59,924 --> 00:19:03,399
But I make it to the window. And I pull down the sash.
324
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,667
And the air outside is warm.
325
00:19:09,621 --> 00:19:11,463
And all I want to do is wave.
326
00:19:13,062 --> 00:19:15,426
But, of course, what can I say? Um,
327
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:22,516
"So long, Captain Leslie". "So long, Perce".
328
00:19:24,323 --> 00:19:26,756
But then he does see me.
329
00:19:26,896 --> 00:19:30,337
He glances over, but he's still talking to his pal.
330
00:19:30,475 --> 00:19:34,333
And just then, the train lurches forward,
331
00:19:34,472 --> 00:19:37,079
the brakes go on and the blue lights go out.
332
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,998
And just like that, pitch black.
333
00:19:42,953 --> 00:19:44,552
And all the other
334
00:19:44,690 --> 00:19:46,811
fellas in the carriage start groaning and someone says,
335
00:19:46,950 --> 00:19:49,661
"Oh, here we fucking go". But all I can feel is my heart beating.
336
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,519
And the air
337
00:19:53,658 --> 00:19:56,196
and the darkness pressing against the window
338
00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:58,385
and my hand gripping the window ledge.
339
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:02,243
And then someone takes my hand.
340
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,587
Someone outside on the platform.
341
00:20:07,630 --> 00:20:08,847
And it's Terence.
342
00:20:14,060 --> 00:20:16,042
And he takes my hand and he just
343
00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:20,421
lifts it to his lips and he kisses it.
344
00:20:32,169 --> 00:20:35,992
There's no train then. There's no troops, there's no war.
345
00:20:38,668 --> 00:20:39,989
There's just these bramble-lips
346
00:20:40,128 --> 00:20:42,109
pressed against the tips of my fingers.
347
00:20:43,499 --> 00:20:45,863
And all the hair on my neck goes up on end.
348
00:20:47,531 --> 00:20:49,443
(PANTING)
349
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,518
And then the train lurches forward and he...
350
00:20:54,656 --> 00:20:56,812
He's let go of my hand and
351
00:20:56,950 --> 00:20:58,863
all the blue lights go on, and...
352
00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:04,875
Outside there's nothing but steam.
353
00:21:08,386 --> 00:21:09,776
Steam and darkness.
27339
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