Original subtitles

But where do you live now?

With the lost boys.

Who are they?

They are the children who fall out of their perambulators

when the nurse is looking the other way.

And if they're not claimed in seven days,

then they are sent far away,

to Neverland.

- Bed. - Daddy?

- Yeah? - We're like lost boys,

- aren't we? - Why?

Because you have lots of adventures.

No, because we don't have a mummy.

Daddy, do you have adventures?

Erm, you guys,

you guys are my big adventure.

Night, babies.

What are you thinking about?

Today.

- Do you want my advice? - Yeah.

Just get through it.

Are you gonna have a drink today?

No. If I start, I won't be able to stop.

Okay. The other thing I was gonna say was,

- if you start to cry. - I won't.

- Why? - Same reason.

Is that yours or mine?

- Mine. - What time is it?

Ten to five.

Right, let's call that morning then, shall we?

Shh, shh, it's okay.

I knew Jess for three years,

and I loved her.

We had two children together

and we were a family,

for two days,

and that's not fair.

It's not fair on me and it's not fair on her.

But most importantly, it's not fair on them.

'Cause without Jess in our lives,

no matter how much we, we think we're missing out on,

it's, it's nothing compared to what they are

because I can't love them for her.

I can do this on my own

and that might sound strange, so, so let me clarify it.

I can do this on my own

because I have to, because they need me to.

It doesn't mean that I want to.

Sorry.

So here's another promise.

If you ever wake up

and think, "I'd like to see the twins today.

I wonder if that's possible".

Then know that the answer will always be yes,

because if we do that,

if every time you want to see them, then you do,

if every time you want to be with them, then you are,

then maybe, maybe we can love them for her.

I think that's what Jess would've wanted.

They wanna know if they can have a biscuit in bed.

Didn't think so.

You know, you don't have to sleep on that every time.

- I don't mind. - Yeah, I know.

But you also don't mind complaining

about your back for all the next day, do you?

- Mum? - What?

- I don't want to go. - Oh, bloody hell, Ben.

You're meeting a mate, not.

You can't spend the rest of your life sat

in here with me.

You need to go out and, I don't know.

Go, go. Go on.

- Go on. - Okay.

- See you later. - Have fun.

Hey, do you ever, erm,

ever like think about having another relationship?

- No. - Okay.

But like in the future, distant future, I dunno.

Do you think about like..?

Three features deadlines, an appointment

to get ear wax extracted from a child's ear

and two World Book Day costumes

that we haven't even started yet.

Right? Those are the things that I need

to think about before Friday,

so no, I don't think about relationships

in the distant future

because I don't think about the distant future.

- I just think about. - Ear wax.

Yeah. Yeah, more than you know.

- Why? - Huh?

What do you reckon?

Come on mate. Time to get back in the game.

Come on - Come on.

Really?

Do you know what's weird?

That neither of them feel the need to come up for air?

I mean, I'm actually starting to worry for them.

Do you think we should call someone?

Okay?

I'm really sorry. I can't do this.

- I envy that. - What?

Faith, you know, the kind of faith

that allows you to believe that she's okay,

that she's in a better place, that you'll see her again.

The kind of faith that allows you to experience all

of this and just praise God.

I'm not sure if that's what he's doing.

What do you think he's doing?

I think he's searching for him.

I'll go.

- You promised me. - What?

You sat at our table and you promised me that

that you would keep our only child safe.

Why couldn't you do that, hm?

Why did you let this happen?

Can we not do this now?

- I want to know why. - I don't know why!

I don't know why any of this had to happen.

I don't think that everything happens for a reason and I,

and I don't believe that that God moves in mysterious ways,

'cause if he does and this is it,

- then he can go... - Oi!

Well he didn't keep her safe, did he?

I don't know why, but if blaming me

makes you feel one iota better, then go for it.

'Cause you know what makes me feel better?

Absolutely nothing.

- Ben. - Leave him alone.

- Ben! - Leave him alone!

Oi, shh. You'll wake 'em.

- Good night? - No.

- Oh God, why not? - Mum, can you just leave it,

please, all right, for tonight,

can you actually just leave it?

- I've had enough of this. - Yeah, well go home then.

You know, some people actually pay me

to clean their houses, Ben.

I have a job. I have a life.

Do you think that I drive 200 miles

down here every month for the good of my health?

Do you think this is easy for me?

Do you think this is easy for me?

Do you? Do you think that, that eating and sleeping,

walking, talking, breathing in and out is easy for me

'cause it's not, all right?

- Nothing is easy for me. - So move on.

I tried! Right tonight, I tried.

I actually tried.

And even when I try.

Look, you asked me if tonight was a good night,

and to be honest with you, yeah, yeah it was, and then I.

Do you remember a couple years ago when Jack

and Poppy wanted a glitter party for their birthday.

I had to ask Dee what one was

- and she said it's just. - A load of glitter.

Yeah, it's just glitter, right?

It's glitter drinks and glitter face paint.

Anyway, after you'd all left,

it took me an age to clean the flat.

But the funny thing is right, even though I thought

that I'd got it all, a couple of days later, I'd be tidying

up and I'd move something and ooh,

there's a piece of glitter.

And then a few days later, there'd be another piece

and had a couple of months later, at Christmas maybe,

or on Jess's birthday, I'd be shaking the rug out

and loads of pieces of glitter would just fly off,

even though I felt sure that I'd got it all by then.

That's what it feels like.

Just when you think you're, you're doing well.

Just when you think you, you're healing,

there's a piece of glitter

and your heart breaks all over again.

The truth is, I met someone really special and she died

and I'm never gonna meet anyone as special again.

So, not a good night then?

This is my story now.

We had two children together and the next day.

This is where I want to get married.

Oh, yeah?

Got anyone in mind?

In you go.

Hello, love.

He's in a good mood.

Doors!

Poppy? What happened at school today?

We're not talking about it.

I'll go.

Doors!

Guys, do you want to tell me what happened today now?

Are you gonna tell him?

Okay. Well apparently Jack said that their mummy was

in heaven and then some kid at school said, no she wasn't,

because heaven doesn't exist.

Is that true?

Erm.

Don't. I just spoke to my dad.

- How is he? - Good.

He mentioned christening them again.

Look, I know you don't believe.

- Yeah, I don't. - And honestly,

I'm not sure I believe either.

But I would like them to be open

to the possibility of believing in something.

I think it's important.

It's important to my family

- and it's important to me. - Yeah, I know, I just.

Do we really wanna start raising our children

by telling them that Jesus is magic?

How about we start raising our children

by showing them there's more

than one way of looking at things.

How about we do that, Ben?

Can we at least have a conversation about it?

We just did.

Doors!

Well, the truth is,

that different people believe different things,

but nobody really knows.

Well, where do you think she is?

Well, I know where she is.

She's in you, isn't she?

She's part of you.

She's in your eyes and she's in your smile.

She's in the things that you like.

Did she like trains?

- Yeah. Yeah, she did. - Train mad.

On the desk.

So, the kids tea is in...

Mum, I'm sure whatever you were about

to say was gonna be riveting,

- but I've gotta go, okay. - Fine.

And you can take that down for me while you're at it.

- Okay. - Why are you rushing?

- Are we late? - No.

You're late.

But I've been writing for this paper for six years.

Do you know how many actors I've interviewed

for this column about rising stars?

- Lots. - Yeah, correct.

And do you know how many have risen?

- None. - Yeah, correct again.

Look, this is a pointless column

that nobody's interested in, least of all me.

Also, nobody cares about plays.

- Ah, just do it. - Anyway, I'm here.

Hi, hey, sorry, sorry,

I had to run and haven't, well, run in 10 years.

- I can tell. - Yeah.

Anyway, thank you so much for doing this.

Everyone at the paper is really excited about it,

so I'm just gonna find my dictaphone.

Oh, here we go.

Sorry. Bear with.

- Hi. - Hi.

Sorry, we're just, we're just doing an interview.

Who with?

Emma Lyttleton.

It's funny, because I'm Emma Lyttleton.

- Wait, so, so you're? - Not.

- No. Should I? - Yeah.

- Yeah, sure. Sorry. - It's all right.

Sorry.

- Sorry. Right, that was awful. - Which bit?

Pretty much all of it so far, I'd say.

- Do you do this a lot? - Embarrass myself.

- Interview people. - Yeah, I, I do a bit

for the paper and I also write for a men's magazine.

What's that?

All cars, clothes, and how to talk to women.

I have never written an article on how to talk to women.

- Or read one, apparently. - Okay, great.

Should we start?

Okay, cool. Recording.

So Emma, is this the worst start

to an interview you've ever had?

I've never been interviewed before,

so I've little to compare it to.

Okay. Well you should probably know it's,

it's pretty bad.

Do you think there's any chance we can turn it around?

I doubt it, but you know,

we'll give it a try.

So, what happens next?