All language subtitles for The Protectors - S01E24 - It Could Be Practically Anywhere on the Island

I'd be a happy man today
if I had a head of hair.

She's arriving now.

So far, so good.

Thank you.

Good morning, Miss Rita. Good morning.
Welcome to the Grand Hotel Badala. Thank you.

This way, please.

Thank you.

Okay, go on. Do your stuff. Go on.

Thank you so much.
Bye-bye. All right, Mr. Gill,

I'd say discretion is the key word here.

Oh, Harry, how right you
are. Discretion, of course.

Yes, my hotel detectives must be
efficient, but not seen or heard, right? Right.

99% of your guests are going to
be on vacation here. Absolutely.

It's wonderful, Harry,
to have someone of your

vast experience to help set it
all up. Thank you very much.

Lady, lady, what's wrong?

What's wrong? Wrong?

Somebody snatched my
muffin, this was real.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Jill. Gal,
madam. The name's Gal, not Jill.

Oh, thank you anyway. Thank you.

Okay, now you say your
dog's name is Muffin.

Can you just try and tell
me exactly what happened?

What are you trying to do to me, LaRoche?

That's the message, darling. Joe
Flynn won't be here for 48 hours.

48 hours? You mean we're
stuck with that for two days?

Oh, don't be beastly.
It's only a little puppy.

All right, the plan
needed a dog, and we got it.

Now, what's happened to Flynn?

Unavoidably delayed.

Well, you know I'm sick, and
Flynn knows I'm sick, and I'm...

I'm a very tense person.

Oh, do relax, darling.

How can I relax? I have a nervous wreck.

I've got a rotten stomach and rheumatism
in my knees, and I... That feels good.

I put her in the counter next to me.

And when I was done registraring,
I turned around, and she was gone.

The basket was gone, the bow
was gone, and the dog was gone.

What kind of a dog is it?

She's just a little poodle.

Just a little tiny one.

Tiny. Now, how tiny is this tiny?

Huh?

She only weighs two pounds.

Color?

Just white.

Looks like a little snowball.

Sex?

No.

She's just a puppy.

Eric, come here.

I want to ask you
something, and I'm very serious.

Does my baldness bother you? I mean,
am I still attractive in spite of it?

Darling, it's super much better
than all that long-haired stuff.

I'd be a happy man today
if I had a head of hair.

That's all I ever wanted out
of life, a full head of hair.

I probably never would
have turned to crime.

Harry, Harry, that lady,
Miss Rita, was asking for

you. I figures. Where
is she? Out by the pool.

Harry, this is a new hotel,

and I'm trying desperately
hard to build up a reputation.

Please, try to do what you can.

Please.

Miss Reeder? Hi.

Hi.

Hey, have you found Muffin yet?

Well, we're still looking for
him. It may take some time.

Look, now, that's all right. You just
take as much time as you think you need.

You don't seem quite as
worried as you were before.

Oh, Lenny worried.

But see, I've been thinking about it,

and I figure that Muffin's so adorable
that if anybody did take her, they sure,

sure couldn't hurt her. Oh.

And anyway, maybe they just
borrowed her. She's so cute,

she wouldn't mind them
probably borrowing myself.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

You really think so?

Yeah.

Because, you know, I still want her back.

Okay.

Wrong again, huh, you miserable?

I'm sure nobody saw you
bring all this junk up here.

Yes, darling, I'm sure.

How many brands of this stuff are there?

I mean, this dog has got to be
in shape when we give her back.

Eat, eat.

She's not eating, LaRoche. Now, why
isn't she eating? This is your department.

Details I leave to you. I always have.

We've got a problem. I
mean, a major problem.

Well, just don't sit
there, babe. Do something!

She's sick. Do you think she's sick?
You don't think she's sick, do you? Well,

I think she's sick, and
if she's sick, I'm sick.

No, darling, she's not sick.

And then why doesn't she eat?

She's pampered,
probably on a special diet.

Diet? Like what? What? What?

What?

Oh, I don't know. Could be
anything. Steak tartar? Caviar?

Caviar, of course, yes. I knew
a lapdog once just like her.

The only thing she
would eat would be thighs.

Chicken thighs.

All right.

What do you eat?

There they are.

Don't look, don't look, don't look.

Now, get rid of the guy with her.

For you anything, darling, but how?

How should I know?
Just do it, do it, do it.

Here, here's a fire. Think of something.

Go on, go, go, go.

All right, excuse me.

Telephone call.

Mark Tender. Yes, sir? You, uh, see the
lady in the black dress? Black dress?

Over there. Oh, yes, sir. Don't
look, don't look, don't look.

Okay, look. Oh, yes, sir. I'll have two
of whatever she's drinking. Right, sir.

Thank you.

Hello, my name's Costa, Felix Costa.

Hi. Do you mind if I sit on it?

No, but we're out of here.

Hey, you know, that's a rusty nail. Aw,

you sure do know how to
make a girl feel at home.

To your good health, Mr. Felix.

What is that? It's a nail, honey.
It's a rusty nail. A rusty nail?

Half bourbon and half brandy.

I, I, uh...

Here, you lost your little dog.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but I just know we'll find her.

Oh, I'm sure of that.

I bet feeding a little dog like
that could be a major problem.

Well, now, you just let me tell you.

Feeding Muffin really is a big problem.

Do you know there's only one thing in the
whole world that little critter will eat?

What is that one thing?

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, no, no. Force yourself.
It'll make you feel much better.

No, she doesn't know,
baby. Just thinking about

it makes me want to
cry. Tell me something.

Does she like roast beef?

No, she doesn't. Hamburger. Hamburger.

Pork hearts.

Pork fritters. Oh, what
about chicken? I do a very

nice cacciatore. No, no, that's too spicy.

Oh, please, no, no, don't, don't,
don't worry about it. Please. What?

What? Why am I wearing a tuxedo?

What are you, a crazy
lady? You're wearing a tuxedo.

I've been ruining my personal plumes.

John P. Hackett, Jr.,
Culver City, California.

This guy annoying you
won't keep out of this.

What are you doing in this
place? Are you looking for trouble?

I don't like your attitude.
I'll get you right in your head.

What is she? The dog! The dog!

Liver cooked in milk.

I don't believe that face.

42. It's all over for me, isn't it?

It's all downhill. The baggy-craggy.

The craggy-baggy.

That's not bad, is it? That's not bad now?

Oh, terrific.

That's terrific. I look 20 years
younger. Kid again. I am a kid again.

I feel rejuvenated, alive, vital.

Felix!

Good morning, darling. How did you sleep?

Who is it?

Joe Flynn's arrived.
He'll meet you at noon.

Where?

Come on, time to get up.

Oh, you're not going to
wear that again. No, I'm not.

Now leave me alone, will
you? Where do I meet Flynn?

At the castellated house.

That's it, come on, come on out. Now don't

forget your hat. There, go on. Off you go.

It's all right, darling, go on.

Oh, Flynn, don't do that. My angina.

You have the dog? Of course I have. What
do you think I am, some kind of amateur?

You will attach the microfilm to the
collar and return the dog to its owner.

Guaranteed. Personally.

I'll probably get some
kind of reward. Imbecile.

Well, what did I say? You will leave
the dog somewhere where it will be found.

No one will suspect any connection
between you and its disappearance.

Well, of course, of
course. That's what I meant.

When does the dog's owner fly to New York?

On Friday. Friday. I checked it all out.

Right.

Here is the microfilm.

Have no fear.

Felix is here. That's a little joke.

I just...

I'll guard it with my life. If you
don't, you may well pay with your life.

Hi.

Hi. Listen, I think I got
some good news for you.

Yeah, it could be.

Oh, you mean about Martha?

Oh, Harry, Harry, I was so excited.

If you'd gotten a bigger dog, we'd have a
bigger collar, and I'd be a lot happier.

Oh, thanks. I'll take it. Lovely.

Mmm.

Lunch.

Lunch.

Liver cooked in milk.

Come on, little fella.

Come on, baby. That's it.

Lovely dins.

Come on.

He swallowed it.

He swallowed it. Mary, he swallowed it.

And I think what happened
was somebody there actually

picked it up and ran off
and ran out the front doors.

Long and cool, spiced with a little vodka.

Thank you, honey.

Interesting conversation?

The guy who just left.

Huh?

Oh, you know, everyone's been so nice.

They really are
concerned about Little Muffin.

That nice gentleman
there was just inquiring

as to whether I got her back yet or not.

He was.

Yeah.

You know him?

Mm-hmm.

But who is he?

Trouble.

Hold her still, LaRoche. That's an order.

Will you please stop her
looking at me? Cover her eyes.

You can't go through with this. Can't I?

You're right, I can't.

Let's get out of here.

Start packing.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Okay. Never mind. Forget the
elevators. Let's use the back stairs.

Come on. Come on,
honey. Come on. Move, move.

Please move.

Come on, come on, come
on, Mary. Please, let's

get out of here. Please,
please, Mary, come on.

Look!

Look!

Thank you so much. It's been so
nice having you. Bye-bye, madam.

What happened?

It all went nasty.

Where is the microfilm?

Where?

He swallowed it. Costa. No, the dog.

Hi.

Hi.

My name is Costa, Felix Costa.
Do you mind if I stand up? No.

That man who shot at
me, he's very dangerous.

You're not. Me?

Well, no, I don't know him.

Why should I know him? Of course not.
Certainly not. Certainly I don't know him.

You think I know him?

That's ridiculous. I'm a
guest here, a registered

guest. Why, check it, check it, check it.

What are you doing?

Listen now. I'll tell everything. I
can stand anything but pain. Don't.

All right, just calm down and
tell me all you know about this.

Here, dog.

Here.

Here, dog. Come here.

Come here, dog. Come
here. Now, where are you?

Come here, you stupid animal.

Now you'll be a good dog.

Listen, everyone. Listen, please.

Now, I'm going to offer a reward to
anyone who finds my little muffin.

I'm just going to give them a
great big hug. And $10,000.

Start looking, babe.

Start looking.

Oh, no! Not you again!
You want to play, huh?

No, leave me alone!

What's going on?

Well, they seem to be having such a
good time, I didn't want to tell them.

Tell them what?

I found her.

Microfilm contained the details
for the latest atomic power plant.

Joe Flynn's an industrial
spy. I didn't know that.

All dog nappers say that.

They're going to transport the film to
the States using the dog as a canine courier.

Hidden in the collar,
but that was my idea.

Pretty dumb.

In my baby's collar,
that's a terrible thing.

Yeah, Joe Flynn's associate
was going to meet the dog,

but the plan got fouled up when
Muffin here swallowed the film.

What do you think, Doctor?

Well, I can positively
say that our little friend

no longer has the
fallen body in his stomach.

I don't understand.

There's a story that an
old Arkansas farmer told

me once about a cow who swallowed a fly.

And the fly fell asleep
in the cow's stomach,

and when the fly woke
up, the cow was gone.

You mean... I mean...

A microfilm could be
practically anywhere on the island.

I think about it, and
yeah, it makes sense.