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00:00:06,999 --> 00:00:18,356
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00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,239
How was that, Miss Polk?
3
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,999
I'm not taking a photograph,
Lord Emsworth.
4
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,079
I'm afraid y'all have to hold
the pose a little longer.
5
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:36,199
Yes, yes, of course,
totally understood.
6
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,919
Guv'nor. Guv'nor. Frederick!
7
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:42,399
This is Miss Vanessa Polk. You'll
never guess, but she's an artist.
8
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,319
She's come all the way from, erm...
9
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,239
San Antone.
10
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,799
Ah, very good, I know this one!
That's in America.
11
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,559
It was when I left it, honey.
12
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,839
My daddy wrote your Aunt Constance.
13
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,039
Before I was born
they used to have a thang?
14
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,199
She invited me to visit with y'all.
15
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,839
Miss Polk?
16
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:05,679
God bless America.
17
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,239
Specifically Texas.
18
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:10,839
I'm sure we have
some in the medicine cupboard.
19
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,639
Lord Emsworth?
20
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,799
Oh... Guv'nor. Guv'nor...
I came to tell you about Hannibal.
21
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,599
The elephant guy?
22
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,279
Sort of.
23
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,999
He was playing elephant polo
when his father died, so the dukedom
24
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,159
went to his brother Alaric instead,
which put H in a strop.
25
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,319
He wanted to be
Hannibal Dunstable, y'see.
26
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:30,479
But now he has to be Lord Didcot,
which sounds like something
27
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,519
you shout
if you drop a hammer on your foot.
28
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:37,439
Batey Didcot is
an absolutely ghastly man.
29
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:43,199
Worse than his brother. Pokering the
furniture, roaring at the servants.
30
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:47,039
He was here last week, bullied me
into selling him something or other.
31
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,239
Thank God he's gone.
32
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,519
Well, no, he hasn't. Yes.
33
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:52,879
He's back. No.
34
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,239
Where's the ruddy butler?!
35
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,520
And another thing!
36
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,639
Calypso Surprised. See it?
37
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:07,959
It's a fake. Bronzino, my
Aunt Fanny. Look, it's signed by...
38
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,399
Cozzy somebody.
39
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,959
Bless my soul.
40
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,679
Never mind your soul, Emsworth.
41
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,719
I bought this off you for 50 quid
and I want my money back.
42
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,119
Hannibal,
whatever is all this noise?
43
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:25,039
Connie, I've been conned.
44
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:29,560
I'm not leaving this ruddy house
till I have justice.
45
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,119
Morning all. Lovely morning.
46
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:37,799
It's a peach.
47
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,879
Um, where is Peach? I mean Beach?
48
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,399
He's on holiday, Guv'nor.
49
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:46,959
Oh... Did I really sell Batey Didcot
a painting of Pinocchio Despised?
50
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,719
Beach would know.
51
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,719
I think you'll find he's on holiday.
52
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,039
If you ask me, Hannibal's losing
what remains of his marbles.
53
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,079
Galahad, we did not ask you.
What are you doing here?
54
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,599
I'm useful in a crisis.
55
00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,559
What crisis?
Hannibal's off his nut.
56
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:03,239
For heaven's sakes!
Lord Didcot is merely eccentric.
57
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,919
It's the living alone in that
enormous house.
58
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,919
And his ridiculous feud with Alaric.
59
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:13,559
All he needs is a capable woman to
marry him and sort him out.
60
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,759
Which is the reason
I have invited Miss Polk.
61
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,439
What?
62
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,079
Dear Vanessa.
63
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,559
I heard voices.
Happens to me all the time.
64
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,960
Let us go somewhere less congested.
65
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:32,439
Yes...
66
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:33,880
Leave it now... Leave it.
67
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:40,239
So very, very kind of you to indulge
Clarence by painting his pig.
68
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,039
You really mustn't take much
trouble.
69
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,959
Oh, it's no trouble. I like to paint.
70
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:51,679
Now... we have staying with us
a very old family friend.
71
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,199
Lord Didcot.
72
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,439
I mean one knows so many peers,
but he is really rather special.
73
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,439
You smile?
74
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,039
Your nephew...
75
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,119
What has Freddie said, exactly?
76
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,239
That Mr Didcot was an old walrus
77
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,599
in trousers five sizes too small
for his...
78
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:07,999
upper thighs.
79
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,519
Yes. Well, unfortunately Freddie was
dropped on his head.
80
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,199
Oh! How terrible.
81
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,479
Yes, it will be.
82
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,679
I mean, it is true Lord Didcot
is of a certain age
83
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,399
and also has
a conservative manner.
84
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:26,119
The latter of which could be
changed by a woman -
85
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,879
say, the daughter of a very old
and dear friend...
86
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,839
To do what?
87
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:35,319
Hannibal's estate...
88
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:39,239
on which he lives alone, is
considerably bigger than Blandings.
89
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,599
Do you follow?
90
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,320
I guess... Good.
91
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,359
It would be wise not to
address him as Mr Didcot.
92
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,439
OK.
93
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,759
Furthermore,
94
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:58,399
my room has no poker!
Where's the ruddy butler?
95
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:02,759
What? Yes, good point,
where IS Beach?
96
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,439
He's on holiday.
97
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,879
Is he? Nobody tells me anything.
98
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,679
Hannibal, I should like you
to meet Miss Polk.
99
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:14,039
Pleased to meet you, Lord Didcot.
100
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,759
Gad, a damned colonial.
101
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:21,279
Miss Polk is the daughter of JB Polk
of Polk Furnishings.
102
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:25,079
Can't abide a woman in yellow.
Also much too tall.
103
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,359
Carry on,
see the geography of the house.
104
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:32,919
Polk. A single woman
and many times a millionairess.
105
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,279
Mmm!
106
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:36,519
Let me show you the west wing.
107
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,959
We'll go through the dining room,
into the conservatory.
108
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,599
Clarence, I've been here five minutes
109
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,479
and you haven't taken me to see the
Empress.
110
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:49,039
Oh, my dear fellow, I do apologise.
Come. Come. Most exciting news.
111
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,119
She's having her portrait painted.
112
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,559
Guv'nor, touching on the subject.
113
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,919
Mirabile dictu,
I've got myself in a spot of bother.
114
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:58,639
I was a little flown with wine
115
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,239
and was moved to wager Catsmeat that
I couldn't fit three billiards balls
116
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,319
in my mouth and give a tolerable
rendition of La Marseillaise.
117
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,279
Hah. Haven't done that for years.
118
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,039
Now I owe him 100 smackers.
119
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:11,039
Hang on, Guv'nor, don't ooze off -
I'm not on the sponge,
120
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:14,599
I have here a crash-hot commodity.
121
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,999
Pointless asking me about money,
Frederick.
122
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,479
Your mother was
the man for all that.
123
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,840
But I am totally
strapped for the necessary rhino!
124
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,360
Oh...
125
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,439
Ah! Lord Didcot?
126
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,559
Yes?
127
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:35,479
I have come into possession of this
rather splendid picture of a horsey.
128
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,479
You may wish to purchase it.
129
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:41,399
Get out of my way. I want to
purchase Vanessa whatserface.
130
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,240
And I've not finished with Emsworth.
131
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,040
Oh...
132
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:58,239
Lord Emsworth? Can you look at her
like you know she's boss?
133
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,760
She IS boss.
134
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:03,919
Thus?
135
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,479
All right!
We're off to the races!
136
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,399
Races? Emsworth?
137
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:13,559
You're not thinking of entering that
ruddy pig in the Derby again?
138
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:17,559
Heard about that from m'brother,
God rot and damn his ruddy soul.
139
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,359
They're just having their picture
done, you goon. What?
140
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:25,199
It's kind of a...
marriage portrait.
141
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,839
Oh, my God!
142
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,639
Didcot, if there's a fatuous
conclusion to be leapt to,
143
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,239
you'll leap it.
144
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:32,679
Gah!
145
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,359
This is yet another instance
of Emsworth's egregious pottiness
146
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,919
and mendacity.
147
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,279
Don't think you can get away from me
by slithering orf to be
148
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,039
with your porcine floozy.
149
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:47,599
Miss Polk, look at this ruddy
piece of junk he made me buy.
150
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,319
Did you ever see such an outrageous
fake?
151
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:52,999
Rooked me rotten.
152
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,160
I'm hanging the damn thing
where it belongs.
153
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,280
Now... Miss Polk.
154
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,319
You're a bit of a dolly, aren't you?
155
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:11,959
Will you excuse me?
I just have to...
156
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,240
not talk to you.
157
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,600
Today's cock, Hannibal.
Tomorrow's feather duster.
158
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,799
That'll learn him.
159
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,239
He is the most unpleasant specimen.
160
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:48,239
Dreadful. Apart from Batey Didcot,
Miss Polk, how do you like Blandings?
161
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,239
I like it just fine.
162
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:53,399
I expect you're accustomed to far
superior plumbing, food,
163
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,959
transportation and teeth.
164
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,839
Oh, I'm not unacquainted with
hardship.
165
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,439
Really, I wonder why.
166
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,399
I knew your father -
he's a very good egg, old JB.
167
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:05,639
But he's never had a moment's
hardship in his life.
168
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,520
Never had a daughter, either.
169
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,199
So. OK. Do I pack my bag?
170
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,199
Don't be preposterous. No.
Tell me your secret, Vanessa?
171
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,559
Is your name really Vanessa?
172
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,839
Vanessa... Gruber.
Enchanted.
173
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,279
JB hired me to paint his portrait.
We got on pretty well.
174
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,839
I was a little down in the dumps
at the time so he fixed me
175
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,519
this trip to England,
to have some fun.
176
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:32,119
"Let's tell my old pal
Connie I'm your daddy," he said.
177
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,879
"She'll lap you up."
178
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:37,159
Would I be close to the mark in assuming
you haven't two beans to your name?
179
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,919
I play a little blackjack, to keep
the coyote from the door.
180
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,919
But I dropped a packet in Pasadena.
181
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,679
I'm broke, Gally.
182
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,599
Sad to hear it, but join the club.
183
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:49,999
Huh. Listen.
There's something bothering me.
184
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,759
My animal magnetism. Don't be
alarmed. I'll switch it off.
185
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:57,000
Now, sit here
and tell me your troubles.
186
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:04,919
That picture the one that foolish
man threw away...
187
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,799
It's the real thing.
188
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,919
Good God,
it must be worth a fortune!
189
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,280
You bet. Hundreds of thousands.
190
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,040
Let us continue this fascinating
conversation outside.
191
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,280
There are too many hairy old
ears in these walls.
192
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,880
Hundreds of thousands...
193
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,760
Right.
194
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,119
She's only just arrived and already
your uncle has her cornered.
195
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,800
I suppose you admire that.
196
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,559
Frederick, what do you want?
197
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,479
I wanted to propose to you.
198
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,239
Er, make you a proposition!
199
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,959
As long as it's nothing to do with
painting, art or artists.
200
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,639
I've had a basinful.
201
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,319
How interesting that fine art
should be the sujet du jour,
202
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:11,080
because I happen to have this rather
glorious picture of a horsey.
203
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:16,039
Will you please go out there
204
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,959
and tell your uncle
I wish to speak to him at once?
205
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,240
Damn right.
206
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,280
We need to talk.
207
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,479
Oh, phooey.
208
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:42,599
I refuse to discuss... miss you
with the likes of... Polk.
209
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,439
No intention of discussing
the female
210
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,679
I plan to cart orf from this dump.
211
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,240
I'm talking about art.
212
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,959
Ha! Art.
213
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:58,720
Scarcely a subject
for this turpentine community.
214
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,680
No. Philistine community.
215
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,679
My boy.
216
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:14,039
Aunt Constance would like...
217
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,679
Aunts can wait. What about this
dismal crasher Didcot?
218
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,839
We can't have him bellowing about
the place, terrorising your father.
219
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,519
I ask this rhetorically,
for I already have the answer.
220
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,119
What do we do?
221
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,879
Leave Miss Polk alone.
222
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,399
My dear boy,
I believe you hold a torch for her.
223
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,719
Excellent! I salute your taste
and judgment.
224
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,079
It makes it even simpler for us
to have our cake and lie in it.
225
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,039
Freddie, do you trust me
226
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,679
to take charge of your sentimental
education? Hmm...
227
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,839
This is the bit where you say,
"Yes, uncle."
228
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,199
Yes, uncle.
229
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,679
Good, here's the plan. Hannibal must
propose to Vanessa, tonight. Mmm...
230
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:54,039
Don't moo at me - I didn't say
marry. I said propose.
231
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,159
The formal offer is all.
232
00:12:56,160 --> 00:13:00,679
To this end you must make love to
Vanessa yourself, assiduously
233
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:05,319
and publicly. Right under the
twitching nostrils of your aunt.
234
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,479
Go to it.
235
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,080
Right!
236
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,839
Ah... Connie,
237
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,719
have you seen Miss erm...
238
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,679
Ah, there she is.
239
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:20,919
With Frederick. They're
getting on like a horse on fire.
240
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:24,599
House. And it is
a conflagration you must stamp out.
241
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:28,279
The whole point of the match was
that it should be with Lord Didcot.
242
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:32,119
That is all very modern and
I dare say commendably open-minded,
243
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,439
but on Frederick's behalf...
244
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:35,759
Give me strength.
245
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,239
I am not suggesting that Freddie
should marry Hannibal.
246
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:39,879
I'm glad you've reconsidered.
247
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,959
What if there'd been a daughter?
She might have had a moustache
248
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,519
and a big roary voice going
ugh-ugh-ugh...
249
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,360
You just break it up.
250
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,799
Hannibal, I did not make
myself clear.
251
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,319
It is imperative that you
marry Miss Polk.
252
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,759
You will find the arrangement
agreeable and convenient,
253
00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,519
and it will make you less choleric.
254
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,159
I'm not choleric.
255
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,799
I'm famous for my ruddy sunny
disposition.
256
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,000
Damn and blast you, woman!
257
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,479
Oh, Lord, he's useless!
258
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,719
Listen to me, Hannibal.
259
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,439
I want you to go out there
and stop this conversation.
260
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:13,880
What conversation?
261
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,200
What?
262
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,360
Potty as a hatful of pixies.
263
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,799
You want to know something on the QT
about Calypso?
264
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,599
Do I know a cutie called Calypso?
265
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,440
Er...
266
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,639
Aha, Miss Polk.
267
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,439
There you are.
268
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:47,640
Thought you might care to
take a stroll.
269
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,999
The park here is pretty tawdry
compared to mine.
270
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,479
Didcot, Miss Polk is working.
271
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,480
And I call that a damned indignity.
272
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:02,839
Totty like her didn't ought
to have to work.
273
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:08,559
God's ruddy trousers, Emsworth,
Blandings is a temple to barbarity.
274
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,359
And when are you going to cough up
my 50 quid?
275
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,479
Just pay him, Clarence. Just pay
him. This whole ghastly rigmarole
276
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,559
is making me bilious.
Get your cheque book.
277
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,880
Connie.
278
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,679
Where is Beach?
279
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,399
Climping.
280
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,479
Well, well.
Does he climp, or is he...
281
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:34,999
being climped?
282
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,039
He's on holiday. Oh.
283
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:40,319
Lord Emsworth, we were speaking
earlier about the painting in the...
284
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,880
So, my dear, eh?
285
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:45,799
Argh!
286
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,399
Oh. I'm so sorry.
287
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:53,079
I seem to have
stuck my fork into your hand.
288
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:57,399
Idiot. Can't even squeeze a girl's
knee under the table...
289
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,240
Oh!
290
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,839
Ooh!
291
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,759
A gift from me to you.
292
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,119
How do you do that?
293
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,999
A trick I picked up in the Kalahari.
294
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,759
An establishment on Dover Street.
Ah.
295
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:17,679
You and I, young man.
We share an interest.
296
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,399
Not her, you imbecile. The horse.
297
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,519
How much do you want for it?
298
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,519
I'll give you half that.
299
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,519
Connie? Connie, can we speak?
300
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,079
Yes, of course.
As long as it's not about art.
301
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,439
The whole subject brings me
out in hives.
302
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:37,199
Talk to me, then. Talk to me
about anything. Hives. Bees.
303
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,399
I once had a bumblebee
in a matchbox.
304
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,079
I called him Hammy. I'd always
wanted a hamster, you see.
305
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,440
You have such beautiful eyes.
306
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,560
I am going to bathe my temples
with eau de Cologne.
307
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:06,279
Miss Polk must marry Batey Didcot.
I entirely agree.
308
00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,719
You're scheming. Why?
309
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,119
Hannibal has become intolerable.
Have you established
310
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,679
whether or not the old warthog
actually wants to marry her?
311
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,479
I'm certain of it.
312
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,239
So am I. But he's too self-obsessed,
crass and idle to ask.
313
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,599
He should trust to the pen.
314
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,080
Your pen.
315
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,160
Darling.
316
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,759
Oh, my God!
317
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:40,559
If you think you can beat me down
with that kind of pansy flimflam,
318
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,639
then you're savagely mistaken.
319
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,719
I'll give you 300
for the piece, take it or leave it.
320
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:51,359
Didcot, I cannot permit you to
describe my beloved as a piece.
321
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:55,399
I'm talking about the ruddy horse,
you snivelling amoeba.
322
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,799
I see we are at cross porpoises...
purposes...
323
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:02,759
Just shut up and listen.
300. Cash.
324
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:06,919
Damn and blast you, man -
concentrate! Stop thinking about
325
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:11,239
the wretched American girl,
she's out of your puny league.
326
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:15,640
We shall discover, Didcot,
whose leg is puny.
327
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,760
Now look here,
you ruddy beef-faced walrus...
328
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,399
Ah, Beach! Oh...
329
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:36,919
Now, listen to me.
330
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,879
I want you to get Hannibal
and bring him to my room, now.
331
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,879
Constance. There are limits.
332
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,039
Oh, for heaven's sakes, you're such
a booby! I can't allow...
333
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:50,559
Stop speaking. I cannot, with
propriety, possibly go to his room.
334
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,560
You must bring him to mine.
I need to dictate to him.
335
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,799
Didcot? Erm...
336
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,560
Just a minute...
337
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,319
Didcot...
338
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,479
I...er...
339
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:18,999
Sorry...
340
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,720
Oh, dear...
341
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:26,879
Sorry, so clumsy...
342
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,359
Ah, this looks promising...
343
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,759
Didcot, are you in here?
344
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,440
ARRGGH!
345
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,199
Where are you, you filthy sewer?
346
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,919
Ah, Didcot, there you are.
347
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,839
Anything you need?
348
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,639
What I need, Emsworth,
349
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,839
is for you to stop acting the goat
in my bathroom. How Connie manages...
350
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:50,799
Connie! Yes, yes.
351
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:54,879
She wishes to lord it over you,
in her bedroom. What?!
352
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,439
Not the precise phrase,
but she wishes to talk to you. Hmm?
353
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,559
When you've finished with that poker
354
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:06,799
would you return it to the
drawing room? There's a good fellow.
355
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,559
Nighty-night. Yes.
356
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,640
Gute nacht. Bonne nuit.
357
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,999
Now, Hannibal, I am concerned.
358
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,199
You lay siege to
Vanessa in entirely the wrong way.
359
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,319
You make no progress whatsoever.
360
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,239
I want you to write a letter,
proposing marriage.
361
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,279
What foaming lunacy is this? I've
never written a letter in m'life.
362
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,960
For once, you will
do as you are told. Now sit.
363
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,399
Paper. Pen.
364
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,399
Write thus.
365
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,999
"My darling angel..."
366
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,159
Oh, this is bilge.
367
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,519
WRITE IT.
368
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,239
Priceless. Priceless.
369
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,999
Claude. Claude. Come here.
370
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,799
Her ladyship has roused
you from her bed.
371
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,559
You will find that she wishes you to
give a letter to Miss Polk.
372
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,079
I will relieve
you of the burden of this mission.
373
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,079
Just give the letter to me.
374
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,879
I think you may have dropped
ten shillings.
375
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,320
Good man.
376
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,000
Any other business...
377
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,119
Angel, I can barely stand...
378
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:32,079
500. My last, final offer.
379
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,959
You drive a hard bargain,
Threepwood, and I admire you for it.
380
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,199
But if you don't give me the horse,
I'm going to smash your face in.
381
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,959
Oh... I shall get it directly.
It's in the bin.
382
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,439
What's in the bin?
383
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,839
Nothing. You confuse me,
Didcot, with this talk of bins.
384
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,079
Return to your room and I shall
retrieve the horsey
385
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,280
from the very special place
I wedged it. Left it.
386
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,119
Claude, well done. Splendid fellow.
What?
387
00:21:55,120 --> 00:22:00,200
Nephew. Is your tender soul ready
for part two of your education?
388
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,320
Er... Which was the first?
389
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,000
Freddie!
390
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:25,399
It is a far, far...
thing... that I do.
391
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,639
I shall do it better.
392
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,720
You do it pretty well already, honey.
393
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:35,639
Right.
394
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,360
Oh!
395
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,680
One horsey.
396
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,079
And er...
397
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,720
We agreed 500 big ones, I believe?
398
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,719
Ha!
399
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,959
Now, Didcot, attend me well.
400
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,399
I am in possession of your letter
to Miss Polk.
401
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,959
And I happen to know she is not
a millionaire's daughter.
402
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,519
She is an impostress. Impostrix.
403
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:24,959
She is penniless.
404
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:30,479
But, naturally, you will honour
your written offer of marriage?
405
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,799
Bring me a poker.
406
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,239
I shall not.
407
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:41,560
I want to drag out your intestines
like spaghetti.
408
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,799
What you want, Didcot,
409
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:49,039
and what you get, are two mutually
extruding elephants.
410
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:53,079
Now, if you don't marry Miss Polk,
you'll be in breach of promise
411
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:56,679
and vilified as an utter stoat.
412
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,719
My advice to you, therefore,
is to pay the lady off.
413
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:05,320
I am content to broker the
transaction. And I recommend cash.
414
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:11,200
The sum of 500 has
a familiar weight.
415
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,800
Sotheby's. NOW!
416
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,359
What's the haul?
417
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:56,759
£1,000.
418
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,719
Tippety-top! I tick your paper
and mark it alpha plus.
419
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,079
Now shall I help you with
the arithmetic? Oh, please.
420
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,839
100 quid to Catsmeat.
Ten bob for me.
421
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,319
That leaves £899.10.
422
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:10,159
How much has your father been
subbing you over the years? Oh...
423
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:11,839
Call it 500.
424
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,319
I want you to go and give it to him.
425
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,039
Now, the rest you must
blow on Vanessa.
426
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,239
Whisk her back to London
and buy her a slap-up dinner
427
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,399
and dance at the Pink Pussy,
every night this week.
428
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,599
Uncle Gally... Yes?
429
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,359
When I grow up, can I be like you?
430
00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:26,839
Who knows, my boy?
We can but guide you thither.
431
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:28,839
If the sun shines on you in youth,
432
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,759
you grow up knowing it's been put
there for that express purpose.
433
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,280
Ah...
434
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:38,879
Ah! Guv'nor!
435
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:39,920
Right...
436
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:42,879
Brace yourself.
437
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,760
Something very extraordinary
is about to happen.
438
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:48,480
Guv?
439
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,719
Am I hallucinating,
or did you just come to my bedroom
440
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,639
and give me a vast amount of money?
441
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:05,919
Guv'nor, I did.
442
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:09,119
Are you sure it wasn't the other
way around? No, no.
443
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:12,039
How extraordinary.
444
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,759
Oh! Vanessa, good morning.
445
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,959
I trust you slept after
the disturbances of the evening.
446
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,920
Oh, I slept like a hairy bear.
447
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:28,199
You weren't... disturbed again?
448
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,959
By someone delivering a letter?
449
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,119
Morning.
450
00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:34,039
Whatever has gone wrong,
Galahad, I blame you.
451
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,159
Perfectly reasonable and entirely
expected. Now hear this.
452
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,959
Vanessa, if you have beans,
spill 'em now.
453
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:47,199
Very well. Freddie. That small
picture in oils of a horse.
454
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:48,999
Oh, Lord, don't say you want it.
455
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,799
I just flogged it to
Hannibal for 500 quid.
456
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,199
What?!
I never wanted it.
457
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,919
I knew when I painted it the other
day that it was garbage.
458
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,399
That's why I threw
it in a trash can in Green Park.
459
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,239
That IS where you found it?
460
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,599
Outstanding! But this is the good
bit. Clarence. What?
461
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:09,319
The picture of Calypso, sir.
It's by Agnolo di Cosimo.
462
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:10,679
Cozzy who?
463
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,399
The painter generally known
as Bronzino.
464
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,559
Oh, I've got a Bronzino!
465
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,799
Chubby girl, lolling about on
a lilo. Do you know it, Connie?
466
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,039
Oh, God.
467
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:24,839
Yes, Lord Emsworth. It's worth
a very great deal of money indeed.
468
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,639
Well, I never.
469
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:30,519
On the subject of money.
I have to come clean.
470
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:35,999
I am not JB Polk's daughter.
I am not a millionairess.
471
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,159
Fact is... I'm pretty much a bum.
472
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:44,039
Not entirely sure that word
translates. Bum.
473
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,119
Clarence.
Here is the situation.
474
00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:49,239
Hannibal paid
a fortune for a pile of codswallop -
475
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,759
no offence, Vanessa - and Sotheby's
is about to bray in his face.
476
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,399
You, on the other hand, have a
nice picture of a roly-poly popsy
477
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:56,759
worth untold gold.
478
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:01,399
I'd say it's time to burst joy's
grape against our palate fine!
479
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,879
Absolutely! Hurrah! Whose grape?
480
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:08,239
Joy's. Joy, you are most welcome
at Blandings, my dear.
481
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,639
Why, thank you, Lord Emsworth.
482
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:12,839
I am going to my room.
483
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:14,999
Are you, Connie? As you wish.
484
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:16,640
We shall miss you.
485
00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:20,240
Oh, God...
486
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,160
Has anyone seen Beach?
487
00:28:27,770 --> 00:28:53,013
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