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Salesman had a handshake
like a refrigerated eel,
3
00:00:42,492 --> 00:00:44,612
but as I say, Harrovian.
4
00:00:47,052 --> 00:00:49,131
Yet, I am tempted...
5
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:50,611
Oh, Angus! Look.
6
00:00:50,612 --> 00:00:53,131
The Rotary-Varianced,
Fully-Rubberized Auto-Dibber.
7
00:00:53,132 --> 00:00:55,371
Does all your, erm... dibbing
automatically.
8
00:00:55,372 --> 00:00:56,851
What do you think?
9
00:00:56,852 --> 00:01:00,171
We're no' ha'ing yon impudent
contraption in these groonds.
10
00:01:00,172 --> 00:01:01,851
Think of the energy you would save!
11
00:01:01,852 --> 00:01:04,891
This is the modern age, McAllister.
We must not ossify.
12
00:01:04,892 --> 00:01:06,531
Ye're off yir mickle heid, mun.
13
00:01:06,532 --> 00:01:08,411
Yir park is infested with rabbits
14
00:01:08,412 --> 00:01:10,812
and ye talk of
a rubberized dibber.
15
00:01:12,532 --> 00:01:13,691
Clarence!
16
00:01:13,692 --> 00:01:14,931
Oh, good heavens.
17
00:01:14,932 --> 00:01:18,291
Douglas Fanshawe, of Marling Hall.
18
00:01:18,292 --> 00:01:19,571
Where?
19
00:01:19,572 --> 00:01:21,291
Coming here, to stay the night.
20
00:01:21,292 --> 00:01:23,571
Why? Marling's only down the road.
21
00:01:23,572 --> 00:01:27,131
The Colonel wishes to
experience our facilities.
22
00:01:27,132 --> 00:01:30,451
Oh, poor fellow. Doesn't the Hall
run to its own, erm, 'facilities'?
23
00:01:30,452 --> 00:01:33,251
No, no, be quiet, Clarence.
Now, concentrate.
24
00:01:33,252 --> 00:01:36,371
He has indicated his intention
to retire on the grounds
25
00:01:36,372 --> 00:01:38,771
of black tongue fever
contracted up the Yangtze.
26
00:01:38,772 --> 00:01:42,811
He wishes to canvass you
as his successor.
27
00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:46,491
But I don't want a feverish black
tongue up the... As Lord Lieutenant.
28
00:01:46,492 --> 00:01:48,892
The King's official host
in Shropshire.
29
00:01:50,212 --> 00:01:51,691
Come on! Have you no ambition?
30
00:01:51,692 --> 00:01:54,131
And if you answer that with
the words 'pig' and 'fat',
31
00:01:54,132 --> 00:01:56,851
I will have to extract your spleen
with sugar tongs.
32
00:01:56,852 --> 00:02:00,652
Now... Clean shirt,
noble demeanour. Chop, chop.
33
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:14,651
Now, the original castle
was built by Erconwald the Rampant
34
00:02:14,652 --> 00:02:16,891
in the reign of Boadicea the First.
35
00:02:16,892 --> 00:02:19,931
Now, she was a Borgia,
but she had an operation for it.
36
00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:23,612
Lived another 50 years,
but never rode a horse. Ha!
37
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,252
You don't say much, do you?
38
00:03:03,812 --> 00:03:05,811
All hands on deck. Spice the pump.
39
00:03:05,812 --> 00:03:07,612
Prepare to receive guests.
40
00:03:09,492 --> 00:03:10,692
Beach!
41
00:03:16,692 --> 00:03:17,932
Hmn!
42
00:03:25,692 --> 00:03:27,891
I have been calling.
43
00:03:27,892 --> 00:03:29,612
Look what you made me do.
44
00:03:33,252 --> 00:03:35,291
You made a rope.
45
00:03:35,292 --> 00:03:38,211
I did not make a rope.
Now, listen to me.
46
00:03:38,212 --> 00:03:42,651
Colonel Fanshawe and his daughter
Valerie will be arriving shortly.
47
00:03:42,652 --> 00:03:44,851
Heavens, man, are you quite well?
48
00:03:44,852 --> 00:03:46,452
In the ladle, your pinkyship.
49
00:03:50,892 --> 00:03:51,932
Oh!
50
00:03:52,972 --> 00:03:56,091
What is that?
What is what? Oh, this.
51
00:03:56,092 --> 00:03:58,291
This is Mugsy. He is a dog.
52
00:03:58,292 --> 00:03:59,891
Why are you carrying it?
53
00:03:59,892 --> 00:04:02,531
He prefers not to walk.
He belongs to Aunt Julia.
54
00:04:02,532 --> 00:04:05,331
She's gone into toenail, you know,
with an ingrowing hospital.
55
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:09,211
What? So she wanted someone
responsible to look after him.
56
00:04:09,212 --> 00:04:11,611
In what possible respect
do you think you qualify?
57
00:04:11,612 --> 00:04:13,691
I thought I might teach him
some tricks.
58
00:04:13,692 --> 00:04:18,291
Imagine Aunt Julia returning home
to find Mugs can smoke a cigar!
59
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,651
I am a mild and reasonable woman.
60
00:04:20,652 --> 00:04:24,091
If you taught my dog to smoke,
I would disembowel you.
61
00:04:24,092 --> 00:04:28,131
My sister Julia is neither
reasonable nor mild.
62
00:04:28,132 --> 00:04:31,771
She would disembowel all of us.
Now, concentrate, Freddie.
63
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:35,491
Colonel Fanshawe is a neighbour
we must strive to know better.
64
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,411
He is a celebrated explorer
65
00:04:37,412 --> 00:04:39,931
and his daughter Valerie
is about to come out.
66
00:04:39,932 --> 00:04:42,171
From where?
67
00:04:42,172 --> 00:04:43,412
Under the bed?
68
00:04:49,292 --> 00:04:52,651
And moreover, Beach is behaving
in the queerest way.
69
00:04:52,652 --> 00:04:55,051
He just addressed me
as 'your pinkyship'.
70
00:04:55,052 --> 00:04:57,651
What have you done to provoke that?
71
00:04:57,652 --> 00:04:59,851
That's so typical of you,
to side with the servants.
72
00:04:59,852 --> 00:05:02,091
I did nothing. He wasn't even drunk.
73
00:05:02,092 --> 00:05:04,811
You're disappointed
that Beach wasn't drunk?
74
00:05:04,812 --> 00:05:06,132
Oh...
75
00:05:18,972 --> 00:05:23,331
I do hope this Emsworth
is the right man for the job.
76
00:05:23,332 --> 00:05:26,172
I tell you candidly, my dear,
I'm bushed.
77
00:05:27,172 --> 00:05:31,412
All your old man wants
is for today to be tickety-boo.
78
00:05:38,332 --> 00:05:41,051
I think if we wait to be received,
we wait in vain.
79
00:05:41,052 --> 00:05:43,092
I hear the place is a shambles.
80
00:05:45,332 --> 00:05:46,732
There's someone, Papa.
81
00:05:50,612 --> 00:05:53,771
I say, would you be kind enough
to take us into the house?
82
00:05:53,772 --> 00:05:57,651
I'm a gairdener, son,
no' a bleckin' footman.
83
00:05:57,652 --> 00:05:59,211
What did he say?
84
00:05:59,212 --> 00:06:02,212
I think he declined the invitation.
Come on.
85
00:06:35,692 --> 00:06:38,332
Good grief. Are you drunk?
86
00:06:39,412 --> 00:06:42,372
I don't believe I am, sir. Are you?
87
00:06:43,972 --> 00:06:46,411
Extraordinary.
88
00:06:46,412 --> 00:06:48,852
No, no, no, don't get up.
I'll get the bags.
89
00:06:50,532 --> 00:06:53,691
Goodness. The Hound
of the Emsworths.
90
00:06:53,692 --> 00:06:55,652
Papa? I might explore.
91
00:07:41,292 --> 00:07:44,412
Come on, Mugsy. Fill the diaphragm.
92
00:07:45,972 --> 00:07:47,372
What's the point?
93
00:07:52,492 --> 00:07:54,451
Brushes, is it?
94
00:07:54,452 --> 00:07:56,011
I beg your pardon?
95
00:07:56,012 --> 00:07:58,531
Dusters, handkerchiefs,
that sort of thing?
96
00:07:58,532 --> 00:08:01,971
Beach usually takes a strong
line about the front door,
97
00:08:01,972 --> 00:08:05,451
but he doesn't seem to be about.
98
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,172
Let's have a squint, then, eh?
99
00:08:10,692 --> 00:08:13,171
Ah, very splendid.
100
00:08:13,172 --> 00:08:15,451
No good to me, of course.
101
00:08:15,452 --> 00:08:20,651
Ah, Connie, fellow here wondering
if he can squeeze you into these?
102
00:08:20,652 --> 00:08:22,731
Colonel Fanshawe?
103
00:08:22,732 --> 00:08:24,251
I'm not entirely certain.
104
00:08:24,252 --> 00:08:27,811
I'm having such a peculiar
experience in this house.
105
00:08:27,812 --> 00:08:29,211
What are you doing?
106
00:08:29,212 --> 00:08:31,891
Oh, I like the spotty ones... Yes.
107
00:08:31,892 --> 00:08:34,891
Your pig man is rifling through
my daughter's underwear.
108
00:08:34,892 --> 00:08:37,651
I'm not sure why he feels
this is his prerogative.
109
00:08:37,652 --> 00:08:39,811
Clarence! Uh?
110
00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:41,291
Lord Emsworth?
111
00:08:41,292 --> 00:08:42,611
Yes?
112
00:08:42,612 --> 00:08:45,931
I'm Colonel Fanshawe,
Lord Lieutenant of Shropshire.
113
00:08:45,932 --> 00:08:48,771
What are you doing flogging
ladies' underwear?
114
00:08:48,772 --> 00:08:49,851
Augh!
115
00:08:49,852 --> 00:08:51,611
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
116
00:08:51,612 --> 00:08:54,011
Come on, have a go.
117
00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:56,531
Gosh, you don't do anything, do you?
118
00:08:56,532 --> 00:08:58,092
You just sit.
119
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,011
But he sits very prettily.
120
00:09:01,012 --> 00:09:02,531
Is he French?
121
00:09:02,532 --> 00:09:05,411
Oh, oh... Good God,
that never occurred to me.
122
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,731
It could be the problem.
123
00:09:06,732 --> 00:09:08,691
Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
124
00:09:08,692 --> 00:09:10,291
No, no, that's Italian.
125
00:09:10,292 --> 00:09:12,811
Look here, are you Miss Fanshawe?
126
00:09:12,812 --> 00:09:15,371
I am. Come here, darling.
127
00:09:15,372 --> 00:09:16,851
Come and give me a cuddle.
128
00:09:16,852 --> 00:09:17,971
Oh!
129
00:09:17,972 --> 00:09:19,611
I'm addressing the dog.
130
00:09:19,612 --> 00:09:20,932
Come on!
131
00:09:22,572 --> 00:09:24,651
My father won't let me have a dog.
132
00:09:24,652 --> 00:09:26,851
He won't admit it,
but he's terribly afraid of them.
133
00:09:26,852 --> 00:09:28,611
He was badly bitten in the Khyber.
134
00:09:28,612 --> 00:09:30,812
Oh, gosh. Clever tailoring required.
135
00:09:31,932 --> 00:09:33,931
Ah. Crumpets. Do you like crumpets?
136
00:09:33,932 --> 00:09:35,851
Who doesn't like crumpets?
137
00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:37,611
Do you like crumpets?
138
00:09:37,612 --> 00:09:39,732
Yes, Valerie, I do...
139
00:09:45,892 --> 00:09:48,211
Fascinating, Colonel.
Isn't that fascinating?
140
00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:50,451
Ouch! What?
141
00:09:50,452 --> 00:09:52,211
What Colonel Fanshawe was saying?
142
00:09:52,212 --> 00:09:54,691
Who is Colonel Fanshawe?
143
00:09:54,692 --> 00:09:56,212
Ouch!
144
00:09:59,012 --> 00:10:01,412
Beach, there is
no tea in the pot!
145
00:10:11,052 --> 00:10:12,891
How long have you had him?
146
00:10:12,892 --> 00:10:14,211
Too long.
147
00:10:14,212 --> 00:10:15,811
The problem with these fellows
148
00:10:15,812 --> 00:10:17,891
is once they get their feet
under the table,
149
00:10:17,892 --> 00:10:20,051
they think they rule the roost.
150
00:10:20,052 --> 00:10:22,411
I replace my butler every year.
151
00:10:22,412 --> 00:10:24,811
I call them all George.
152
00:10:24,812 --> 00:10:27,652
I'm on George the 27th.
153
00:10:29,252 --> 00:10:32,492
Yes, we really must give that
some serious thought, Clarence.
154
00:10:34,732 --> 00:10:38,652
What's your view on fully
rubberized automatic dibbing?
155
00:10:41,452 --> 00:10:44,131
Generally, I'm... for it?
156
00:10:44,132 --> 00:10:45,611
How wise you are.
157
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,331
McAllister disagrees, but
he's talking through his sporran.
158
00:10:48,332 --> 00:10:50,491
No, not sporran, thing on the head.
159
00:10:50,492 --> 00:10:51,811
Sham o' Tanter.
160
00:10:51,812 --> 00:10:53,611
A man who thinks to the future.
161
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,731
Yes. One tries.
162
00:10:55,732 --> 00:10:59,291
Papa? This is Mugsy and Freddie.
163
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,091
Excellent. Which is which?
164
00:11:01,092 --> 00:11:02,571
Mugsy's got the brains.
165
00:11:02,572 --> 00:11:04,851
Beach! Milady!
166
00:11:04,852 --> 00:11:05,932
Augh!
167
00:11:10,412 --> 00:11:11,612
Shall you be mother?
168
00:11:13,252 --> 00:11:15,651
I'm just off for a bit of kip.
169
00:11:15,652 --> 00:11:19,091
Can I take Mugsy home with me, Papa?
He's so weeny.
170
00:11:19,092 --> 00:11:21,251
No, no, darling.
171
00:11:21,252 --> 00:11:23,611
How do you find the King
these days, Colonel?
172
00:11:23,612 --> 00:11:26,251
It would be such and honour
to receive him here.
173
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,851
Is the King going? Oh, capital!
174
00:11:28,852 --> 00:11:30,971
Gardening man, by all accounts.
175
00:11:30,972 --> 00:11:34,412
I'd bet he'd like a crack
at a fully rubberized dibber.
176
00:11:38,172 --> 00:11:39,372
Tea's a bit weak...
177
00:11:46,732 --> 00:11:48,371
Do you ride the hounds?
178
00:11:48,372 --> 00:11:50,451
Ride hounds? No.
179
00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:52,692
Shoot? Climb mountains?
180
00:11:54,252 --> 00:11:56,891
How fascinating. Is it?
181
00:11:56,892 --> 00:11:59,251
Come back here, ye hairy rat!
182
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:02,252
I've never met any men who
don't do all that, constantly.
183
00:12:03,332 --> 00:12:05,011
They're all the same, aren't they?
184
00:12:05,012 --> 00:12:07,451
When I come out, they're going
to swarm all over me.
185
00:12:07,452 --> 00:12:10,891
Oh, then don't come out.
186
00:12:10,892 --> 00:12:12,731
I can't stay in all my life.
187
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,571
I don't plan to become a nun.
188
00:12:14,572 --> 00:12:17,531
Nor me. How'd you like to see me
in a wimple?
189
00:12:17,532 --> 00:12:19,931
I'd love to. Crikey. No, no.
190
00:12:19,932 --> 00:12:22,651
Sometimes, when I'm excited,
I say the opposite of what I mean.
191
00:12:22,652 --> 00:12:24,131
Why are you excited?
192
00:12:24,132 --> 00:12:26,491
Absolutely not because of you.
193
00:12:26,492 --> 00:12:29,332
You are a most unusual man,
Mr Threepwood.
194
00:12:30,692 --> 00:12:32,012
What's that noise?
195
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,611
Gordon Bennett.
196
00:12:47,612 --> 00:12:50,851
Mugsy, in fact. I'm going
to teach him to mix a Manhattan.
197
00:12:50,852 --> 00:12:55,692
No, you are not. Come away
and Valerie will keep you safe.
198
00:12:57,412 --> 00:12:59,611
Have a care, sir.
199
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,491
Anything untoward happens
to that animal,
200
00:13:01,492 --> 00:13:04,731
your Aunt Julia will come down
on you like the wrath of God.
201
00:13:04,732 --> 00:13:06,371
She is the wrath of God.
202
00:13:06,372 --> 00:13:08,331
What are, erm...?
203
00:13:08,332 --> 00:13:10,091
Swedish vitamins.
204
00:13:10,092 --> 00:13:13,411
I was feeling a bit mouldy and
I found these in Mr Galahad's room.
205
00:13:13,412 --> 00:13:17,131
If Gally eats them,
they certainly keep him perky.
206
00:13:17,132 --> 00:13:18,412
Beach?
207
00:13:25,132 --> 00:13:27,371
I'm thinking of you, McAllister.
208
00:13:27,372 --> 00:13:31,411
You could dibble the entire park
from your deckchair!
209
00:13:31,412 --> 00:13:35,771
In all these years,
have ye ever once seen me sit doon?
210
00:13:35,772 --> 00:13:38,851
But, my dear fellow,
that is my point...
211
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:42,331
I dinnae want to sit doon.
212
00:13:42,332 --> 00:13:46,212
Can ye not grasp the indignity,
old mun?
213
00:13:53,012 --> 00:13:56,131
My head gardener. Capital fellow.
214
00:13:56,132 --> 00:13:59,011
Emsworth, tell me frankly.
215
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:03,131
Do you feel you enjoy the authority
that your rank should confer?
216
00:14:03,132 --> 00:14:07,211
Bless my soul, Fannyhat, I don't
have time to indulge in 'authority'.
217
00:14:07,212 --> 00:14:08,972
I've got a pig to feed.
218
00:14:18,812 --> 00:14:22,091
HM runs a pretty tight ship,
wherever he may be,
219
00:14:22,092 --> 00:14:25,091
but he appreciates good service.
220
00:14:25,092 --> 00:14:28,651
It is not unknown for him
to address me as Horace.
221
00:14:28,652 --> 00:14:31,171
That being my name.
222
00:14:31,172 --> 00:14:34,371
Of course, it's an honorary
position.
223
00:14:34,372 --> 00:14:35,851
There's no salary.
224
00:14:35,852 --> 00:14:38,571
One does it purely for the kudos.
225
00:14:38,572 --> 00:14:40,771
I think your butler
needs to go to bed.
226
00:14:40,772 --> 00:14:43,491
Beach? My dear fellow,
you really do look rather tired.
227
00:14:43,492 --> 00:14:45,771
Why don't you withdraw
to your comfortable chair
228
00:14:45,772 --> 00:14:47,251
and have a glass of port?
229
00:14:47,252 --> 00:14:49,331
We can all manage perfectly well.
230
00:14:49,332 --> 00:14:50,772
Very kind, my lord.
231
00:15:00,932 --> 00:15:03,451
I'm going to put you in touch
with the agency I use.
232
00:15:03,452 --> 00:15:07,692
They'll get you someone within
the week. Ex-soldiers, mostly.
233
00:15:08,732 --> 00:15:12,131
They'll shine your boots
and part your hair.
234
00:15:12,132 --> 00:15:14,092
More wine, Colonel Fanshawe?
235
00:15:15,612 --> 00:15:19,891
Good idea. We can get Beach
to pour us something special.
236
00:15:19,892 --> 00:15:21,731
From his 'comfortable chair'?
237
00:15:21,732 --> 00:15:22,812
Mmmm.
238
00:15:26,572 --> 00:15:28,891
Freddie. Uh?
239
00:15:28,892 --> 00:15:30,451
Arrange wine.
240
00:15:30,452 --> 00:15:32,291
I'm just going to arrange wine.
241
00:15:32,292 --> 00:15:33,691
Good luck.
242
00:15:33,692 --> 00:15:35,651
Will you be all right
while I'm gone?
243
00:15:35,652 --> 00:15:37,011
I'll try to cope, yes.
244
00:15:37,012 --> 00:15:39,291
Miss Fanshawe, I do think
you're rather jolly.
245
00:15:39,292 --> 00:15:40,371
Frederick!
246
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:41,652
Doing it, Aunt.
247
00:15:46,692 --> 00:15:49,811
Has your brother much experience
of ceremonial duties?
248
00:15:49,812 --> 00:15:51,011
But of course.
249
00:15:51,012 --> 00:15:53,371
When HM visits Shropshire,
it's the responsibility
250
00:15:53,372 --> 00:15:55,811
of the Lord Lieutenant to have him
correctly billeted,
251
00:15:55,812 --> 00:15:59,211
dined and entertained. He is very
capable of all that sort of thing.
252
00:15:59,212 --> 00:16:00,491
Aren't you, Clarence?
253
00:16:00,492 --> 00:16:03,531
But I don't want someone to
shine my hair and boot my parts.
254
00:16:03,532 --> 00:16:04,772
I want Beach!
255
00:16:05,812 --> 00:16:07,332
Wahey!
256
00:16:09,732 --> 00:16:11,171
Lord Emsworth, it strikes me
257
00:16:11,172 --> 00:16:13,891
there are domestic matters
that require your attention.
258
00:16:13,892 --> 00:16:18,171
Ah! Valerie and I shall return
to Marling Hall in the motor.
259
00:16:18,172 --> 00:16:19,891
Come along, Driver Fanshawe.
260
00:16:19,892 --> 00:16:21,412
But...
261
00:16:22,572 --> 00:16:24,292
..Colonel...
262
00:16:26,812 --> 00:16:27,892
Colonel...
263
00:16:30,412 --> 00:16:32,012
You are coming with me!
264
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:38,612
Cheers.
265
00:16:45,692 --> 00:16:47,052
Oh!
266
00:16:54,492 --> 00:16:55,771
Where are you going?
267
00:16:55,772 --> 00:16:57,571
Me?
268
00:16:57,572 --> 00:16:59,251
Whoever else is there in the room?
269
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,811
Frederick. Oh!
270
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,292
Hello?
271
00:17:03,652 --> 00:17:05,091
What are you doing?
272
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,931
Looking for Mugsy. What?
273
00:17:07,932 --> 00:17:09,332
Blighter's done a bunk.
274
00:17:11,612 --> 00:17:15,011
Freddie, just go and answer
the door. Go!
275
00:17:15,012 --> 00:17:20,051
I thought Admiral Handsaw
and his daughter were...
276
00:17:20,052 --> 00:17:21,571
They have gone, Clarence.
277
00:17:21,572 --> 00:17:26,211
You have driven them away, you
gibbering halfwit. God in heaven!
278
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:29,171
Calling you a halfwit
is a discourtesy to people
279
00:17:29,172 --> 00:17:30,971
with 50% of their brain missing.
280
00:17:30,972 --> 00:17:33,851
You are a child, Clarence.
281
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:37,011
Even if you have no interest
in being of service to the King,
282
00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:40,932
did it never occur to you that
it might have been pleasant for me?
283
00:17:46,972 --> 00:17:52,491
You asked me where I was going,
and I've just remembered.
284
00:17:52,492 --> 00:17:54,891
I'm looking for Beach.
285
00:17:54,892 --> 00:17:57,611
I'm... I'm concerned about him.
286
00:17:57,612 --> 00:18:02,652
Connie, you might not have noticed,
but he seems a little out of sorts.
287
00:18:05,172 --> 00:18:07,091
You're counting to ten, aren't you?
288
00:18:07,092 --> 00:18:09,971
I am going to my room, Clarence. Oh!
289
00:18:09,972 --> 00:18:15,571
And while I am there, I wish
you to sort out every aspect
290
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:19,212
of this appalling, shameful fiasco.
291
00:18:21,772 --> 00:18:24,891
Moreover, I intend to take steps.
Ah!
292
00:18:24,892 --> 00:18:28,692
The first of which will be
the immediate dismissal of Beach.
293
00:18:34,372 --> 00:18:38,092
It's awfully late for a telegram.
Oh! Oh!
294
00:19:00,892 --> 00:19:02,452
Spit and corruption!
295
00:19:05,452 --> 00:19:06,491
Beach?
296
00:19:06,492 --> 00:19:08,571
Oh, good heavens, Frederick.
297
00:19:08,572 --> 00:19:10,371
Whatever have you done to
your, er...?
298
00:19:10,372 --> 00:19:12,731
I read a telegram that made me
fall down the stairs.
299
00:19:12,732 --> 00:19:14,291
Oh, bless my soul.
300
00:19:14,292 --> 00:19:16,691
Your soul may well be
in need of blessing, Guv'nor.
301
00:19:16,692 --> 00:19:19,771
Aunt Julia is out of hospital.
And Mugsy's gone rogue.
302
00:19:19,772 --> 00:19:22,731
Oh, your Aunt Julia is a terrible
person, Frederick.
303
00:19:22,732 --> 00:19:25,331
She lost her temper
in the summer of 1882
304
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:26,771
and it has never been recovered.
305
00:19:26,772 --> 00:19:29,651
And when she finds out I've lost
her dog, she'll blow her top.
306
00:19:29,652 --> 00:19:31,451
Which means Aunt C will blow hers.
307
00:19:31,452 --> 00:19:34,891
It's going to be one hideous orgy
of auntly top-blowing, Guv'nor.
308
00:19:34,892 --> 00:19:36,291
What to do?
309
00:19:36,292 --> 00:19:38,491
Pinch it back. What?
310
00:19:38,492 --> 00:19:41,051
The girl pinched the dog...
311
00:19:41,052 --> 00:19:43,092
so go to Marling and pinch it back.
312
00:19:44,372 --> 00:19:47,371
Miss Fanshawe, you voluptuous fiend.
313
00:19:47,372 --> 00:19:49,692
Here, Beach, sharpen up.
Have a pill.
314
00:19:52,132 --> 00:19:54,012
All you have got to do is...
315
00:19:57,092 --> 00:19:59,931
Never seen a fellow fall to sleep so
rapidly. It's a sort of gift.
316
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,571
But he's right, Guv'nor.
Does your bicycle have a light?
317
00:20:02,572 --> 00:20:05,091
What does it matter if my icicle
has a blight? I'm not going.
318
00:20:05,092 --> 00:20:06,811
Well, he can't go and I can't go.
319
00:20:06,812 --> 00:20:08,371
So you have to go. It'll be peasy!
320
00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:10,411
All you need to do is lurk
in the shrubbery
321
00:20:10,412 --> 00:20:12,971
till they shove the dog out
to ablute and then nab him.
322
00:20:12,972 --> 00:20:15,491
But what if the dog doesn't wish
to be nabbed by me?
323
00:20:15,492 --> 00:20:17,131
Well, rub your trousers with meat.
324
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:18,531
Meat?
325
00:20:18,532 --> 00:20:19,931
Oh, Guv'nor, don't be so obtuse.
326
00:20:19,932 --> 00:20:23,211
Make yourself attractive to Mugsy
by anointing your trousers
327
00:20:23,212 --> 00:20:25,131
with... raw sausage or something.
328
00:20:25,132 --> 00:20:27,451
What utter tripe. Oh, tripe!
Perfect!
329
00:20:27,452 --> 00:20:29,371
Frederick, I am not
triping my trousers
330
00:20:29,372 --> 00:20:30,931
or anointing them with sausages.
331
00:20:30,932 --> 00:20:32,372
I am not doing this thing.
332
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:51,691
Do you forgive me?
333
00:20:51,692 --> 00:20:56,131
Unreservedly. With glittering
knobs on. Where's the pooch?
334
00:20:56,132 --> 00:20:57,531
I've lost him.
335
00:20:57,532 --> 00:21:00,691
Oh, not to worry. Minor detail.
336
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:02,931
Papa says I'm never
to come here again.
337
00:21:02,932 --> 00:21:04,731
He says you're all doolally.
338
00:21:04,732 --> 00:21:07,331
He says that a bucket of frogspawn
would have made
339
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:10,051
a better Lord Lieutenant
than Emsworth.
340
00:21:10,052 --> 00:21:11,492
Well, harsh but fair.
341
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:15,491
Before I go...
342
00:21:15,492 --> 00:21:18,292
can I just say something
I've been meaning to say?
343
00:21:29,452 --> 00:21:31,091
Where are we?
344
00:21:31,092 --> 00:21:32,571
Blandings Castle.
345
00:21:32,572 --> 00:21:34,371
Blandings Castle. Who are you?
346
00:21:34,372 --> 00:21:36,971
'This is Lieutenant Colonel
Horace Fanshawe.'
347
00:21:36,972 --> 00:21:39,531
Bully for you, being a colonel.
'What?!'
348
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:40,971
I'm a butler.
349
00:21:40,972 --> 00:21:42,171
Shall I have a word?
350
00:21:42,172 --> 00:21:44,331
Have a whole pile.
351
00:21:44,332 --> 00:21:47,611
Beach, your manner of late
has become a little informal.
352
00:21:47,612 --> 00:21:51,051
I beg your pardon, Mr Frederick.
I do feel a bit...
353
00:21:51,052 --> 00:21:52,651
irregular.
354
00:21:52,652 --> 00:21:55,371
Yeah, I prescribe a Rotterdam.
355
00:21:55,372 --> 00:21:56,891
Large port.
356
00:21:56,892 --> 00:21:57,972
No...
357
00:21:59,412 --> 00:22:00,692
Really?!
358
00:22:03,492 --> 00:22:06,971
Oh! Stop. Hold the line a minute.
Oh, goodness!
359
00:22:06,972 --> 00:22:09,851
Those aren't Gally's pick-me-ups.
360
00:22:09,852 --> 00:22:11,611
They're his Mickey Finns.
361
00:22:11,612 --> 00:22:13,211
Gad, Beach!
362
00:22:13,212 --> 00:22:15,891
If your vital organs hadn't been
mummified by alcohol,
363
00:22:15,892 --> 00:22:17,611
you'd be in a ruddy coma.
364
00:22:17,612 --> 00:22:21,291
Great excitement. There's been
an intruder at the Hall.
365
00:22:21,292 --> 00:22:22,731
Papa went down with his revolver
366
00:22:22,732 --> 00:22:24,531
and there was a great tussle
in the dark!
367
00:22:24,532 --> 00:22:28,451
But Papa managed to bundle the low
fellow into the coal cellar. Oooh!
368
00:22:28,452 --> 00:22:30,091
What?
369
00:22:30,092 --> 00:22:32,491
Oh, family thing.
Nothing to worry about.
370
00:22:32,492 --> 00:22:33,932
Bit of a sticky wicket.
371
00:22:35,412 --> 00:22:37,891
Mr Frederick, the time has come
for me to make amends.
372
00:22:37,892 --> 00:22:39,331
Miss Fanshawe.
373
00:22:39,332 --> 00:22:41,931
Could I prevail upon you
to drive me to Marling Hall?
374
00:22:41,932 --> 00:22:43,852
Oh, yes... Rather.
375
00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:53,691
Oh, dear...
376
00:22:53,692 --> 00:22:56,092
This is all so inconvenient.
377
00:23:03,652 --> 00:23:05,292
Now, look here.
378
00:23:11,452 --> 00:23:13,091
Beach?
379
00:23:13,092 --> 00:23:15,371
I know the hour is uncivilized,
my lord,
380
00:23:15,372 --> 00:23:18,532
but I thought you might
appreciate refreshment. Oh...
381
00:23:24,852 --> 00:23:28,411
May I recommend to his lordship
that he removes his trousers?
382
00:23:28,412 --> 00:23:31,891
I fear they may be exciting
the local dogs.
383
00:23:31,892 --> 00:23:36,011
Dog! Beach, Beach,
I came here to nab a dog.
384
00:23:36,012 --> 00:23:40,451
The task his lordship set himself
has been rather overtaken by events.
385
00:23:40,452 --> 00:23:42,531
I think it would be prudent
to return home.
386
00:23:42,532 --> 00:23:45,851
Home... Yes, Beach. Let's go home.
387
00:23:45,852 --> 00:23:47,291
What the devil's going on? >
388
00:23:47,292 --> 00:23:49,772
The trousers, my lord.
Eh? Disrobe.
389
00:23:51,212 --> 00:23:54,011
Show yourself, damn you,
I'll take you all on!
390
00:23:54,012 --> 00:23:55,572
Who goes there?
391
00:23:57,612 --> 00:24:01,212
Oh, my God... Good dog, good dog...
392
00:24:25,212 --> 00:24:26,972
Just a little further, my lord.
393
00:24:55,612 --> 00:24:56,652
Right.
394
00:24:58,892 --> 00:25:01,892
Let us prepare for Beach the Second.
395
00:25:03,532 --> 00:25:07,851
I absolutely insist
on serving you, Beach.
396
00:25:07,852 --> 00:25:09,971
You're a man in a million.
397
00:25:09,972 --> 00:25:12,811
I endeavour to give satisfaction,
your lordship.
398
00:25:12,812 --> 00:25:14,651
Chin-chin.
399
00:25:14,652 --> 00:25:16,451
Chin-chin, my lord.
400
00:25:16,452 --> 00:25:18,091
Beach!
401
00:25:18,092 --> 00:25:20,931
I'm sorry, but this is atrocious.
402
00:25:20,932 --> 00:25:23,091
You have to leave the house
immediately.
403
00:25:23,092 --> 00:25:24,731
Hold your horses, Aunt C.
404
00:25:24,732 --> 00:25:28,531
One or two items here
require clarification.
405
00:25:28,532 --> 00:25:31,211
Beach is not atrocious.
406
00:25:31,212 --> 00:25:32,731
He is magnificent.
407
00:25:32,732 --> 00:25:36,131
His selfless dedication to this
family is the stuff of legend.
408
00:25:36,132 --> 00:25:40,371
Last night, he saved the Guv'nor's
bacon... Yeah! ..and yours.
409
00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:41,851
What are you drivelling about?
410
00:25:41,852 --> 00:25:43,891
I drivel thus...
411
00:25:43,892 --> 00:25:46,012
Aunt, be seated.
412
00:25:50,772 --> 00:25:55,811
It was a night like any other,
when benign, elderly Lord Emsworth
413
00:25:55,812 --> 00:25:58,291
gazed serenely...
I dispute 'elderly'.
414
00:25:58,292 --> 00:25:59,772
Get on with it.
415
00:26:16,692 --> 00:26:20,611
Thus, it is demonstrated,
Aunt Constance, that Beach
416
00:26:20,612 --> 00:26:24,491
is the finest asset a family such
as ours could wish to possess.
417
00:26:24,492 --> 00:26:26,971
Of course, we do not possess him.
418
00:26:26,972 --> 00:26:30,651
We merely enjoy the privilege
of his service.
419
00:26:30,652 --> 00:26:33,451
Accordingly, I advise
doubling his salary.
420
00:26:33,452 --> 00:26:35,212
Hear, hear.
421
00:26:37,652 --> 00:26:38,851
Agreed.
422
00:26:38,852 --> 00:26:41,972
Ah, splendid. Have a sherry. Sorry.
423
00:26:42,972 --> 00:26:44,931
Freddie, it's nine o'clock
in the morning.
424
00:26:44,932 --> 00:26:47,211
Small one, as befits the hour.
425
00:26:47,212 --> 00:26:48,412
Cheers.
426
00:26:49,412 --> 00:26:52,771
We could have had such fun,
you know, entertaining the King.
427
00:26:52,772 --> 00:26:56,131
Good heavens, is the King coming?
428
00:26:56,132 --> 00:26:58,051
No, Clarence, he is not.
429
00:26:58,052 --> 00:27:01,611
What a shame.
Farming man, by all accounts.
430
00:27:01,612 --> 00:27:04,452
I bet he would have enjoyed
mucking out The Empress.
431
00:27:05,972 --> 00:27:08,051
Ha! If that's Corporal Flanpaw,
432
00:27:08,052 --> 00:27:10,331
I'm going to give him a piece
of my mind.
433
00:27:10,332 --> 00:27:12,012
If you can find any.
434
00:27:25,172 --> 00:27:26,811
Good morning, McAllister.
435
00:27:26,812 --> 00:27:29,651
We were just about to have
breakfast.
436
00:27:29,652 --> 00:27:30,931
What have you done?
437
00:27:30,932 --> 00:27:33,291
I'm glad you're a' here,
438
00:27:33,292 --> 00:27:36,212
for I desire y'all to witness this.
439
00:27:44,012 --> 00:27:45,452
Play deid!
440
00:27:51,452 --> 00:27:56,691
Is that nae the cutest thing
ye e'er saw in yir life?
441
00:27:56,692 --> 00:27:58,851
Aunt Julia's going to adore that!
442
00:27:58,852 --> 00:28:01,971
Angus, that is capital.
That is capital.
443
00:28:01,972 --> 00:28:04,051
Connie, did you see this?
444
00:28:04,052 --> 00:28:06,131
Do you think he might do it again?
445
00:28:06,132 --> 00:28:07,492
Aye!
446
00:28:15,133 --> 00:28:39,280
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