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00:00:28,147 --> 00:00:32,467
I'm getting rather anxious,
Connie, about Stinker Parsloe.
3
00:00:32,493 --> 00:00:34,572
I wish you wouldn't call him that.
Who?
4
00:00:34,573 --> 00:00:38,292
Stinker - I mean, Sir Gregory.
Fat pig competition coming on, eh?
5
00:00:38,293 --> 00:00:41,852
Bet your life the fellow's up
to no good.
6
00:00:41,853 --> 00:00:45,532
So, I've taken the precaution of
inviting Galahad down from London.
7
00:00:45,533 --> 00:00:49,412
What? I knew you'd be pleased,
he's so resourceful in a crisis.
8
00:00:49,413 --> 00:00:51,692
I do not allow Galahad
to visit Blandings.
9
00:00:51,693 --> 00:00:53,572
Connie, Galahad's
our little brother.
10
00:00:53,573 --> 00:00:56,812
Every time he sets foot in the house
something reprehensible occurs!
11
00:00:56,813 --> 00:00:58,412
Poor Bishop Bostock,
12
00:00:58,413 --> 00:01:01,212
drinking such a large glass of
water and finding it was vodka.
13
00:01:01,213 --> 00:01:02,492
Ah, well, yes.
14
00:01:02,493 --> 00:01:04,972
Subsequently, we did have the
pleasure of seeing Bostock
15
00:01:04,973 --> 00:01:06,572
do the cancan!
16
00:01:06,573 --> 00:01:09,772
I've always wondered what senior
clergy wore under their raiment.
17
00:01:09,773 --> 00:01:11,972
If Galahad causes me the
slightest embarrassment,
18
00:01:11,973 --> 00:01:13,652
I shall saw off your head
19
00:01:13,653 --> 00:01:16,012
and drop kick it
into the herbaceous border!
20
00:01:16,013 --> 00:01:18,812
What, from here? No.
21
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:23,172
Seriously, though, Connie,
porcine subterfuge from Stinker.
22
00:01:23,173 --> 00:01:25,293
We must be on our guard. Oh!
23
00:01:26,413 --> 00:01:30,012
Come on, Your Majesty.
Come on, Sweetheart.
24
00:01:30,013 --> 00:01:33,333
Oh, Lovely Empress. Good girl.
25
00:01:37,693 --> 00:01:41,612
'You are such a
grotesquely bloated pig.
26
00:01:41,613 --> 00:01:44,933
'Bloated. Bloated.'
27
00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:49,493
You simply could not
eat another thing...
28
00:01:51,093 --> 00:01:52,653
..however tasty...
29
00:01:57,973 --> 00:02:02,613
I have here, Binstead, a plate
of the very finest sticky willies.
30
00:02:04,133 --> 00:02:05,533
Do help yourself.
31
00:02:08,013 --> 00:02:09,973
No, thanks. Ha!
32
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:27,733
Morning!
Morning, sir.
33
00:02:33,733 --> 00:02:35,613
I say!
34
00:02:42,653 --> 00:02:45,092
Fabulous! She goes like a bird.
35
00:02:45,093 --> 00:02:48,532
But I think I'll wait
for the supercharger.
36
00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:51,972
Gally! Freddie! Hello, my boy.
37
00:02:51,973 --> 00:02:54,812
I say, is that yours?
Test drive.
38
00:02:54,813 --> 00:02:59,052
You're going to buy a Lagonda?
Don't be silly. I needed a lift.
39
00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,773
Will you find your way
back all right? Good man.
40
00:03:03,373 --> 00:03:07,332
Yes. Matter of fact, it suits me
to be back in the old hovel.
41
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:08,652
I want some peace.
42
00:03:08,653 --> 00:03:12,292
I need to squeeze my buxom muse
till her pretty pips squeak.
43
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,532
What do you need, my boy?
Oh, erm, money.
44
00:03:14,533 --> 00:03:16,973
Of course. May our innermost
desires be granted.
45
00:03:22,773 --> 00:03:26,212
Beach, you hound!
Mr Galahad.
46
00:03:26,213 --> 00:03:29,572
Did you put your vest on Baby Bones
to romp it at Kempton Park?
47
00:03:29,573 --> 00:03:31,892
I did, sir, thank you
for the advice. Good man.
48
00:03:31,893 --> 00:03:33,932
Your usual mid-morning
refreshment, sir?
49
00:03:33,933 --> 00:03:35,172
Oh, first of the day,
50
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:39,212
except for the one
I had at breakfast. Cheers.
51
00:03:39,213 --> 00:03:43,692
Right, young Freddie. Let's say "boo"
to your old man, shall we?
52
00:03:43,693 --> 00:03:45,373
Beach! Splendid.
53
00:03:55,493 --> 00:03:59,812
Galahad is here.
I've been thinking about Galahad.
54
00:03:59,813 --> 00:04:03,572
Capital! How clever of you
to invite him down!
55
00:04:03,573 --> 00:04:05,012
Galahad!
56
00:04:05,013 --> 00:04:07,292
Dear old Clarence! Hello, sis.
57
00:04:07,293 --> 00:04:08,452
Oh!
58
00:04:08,453 --> 00:04:10,372
Little trick I picked up
in the Cavalry.
59
00:04:10,373 --> 00:04:13,012
You were never in the cavalry.
The club, not the regiment.
60
00:04:13,013 --> 00:04:15,052
Galahad, what is your purpose?
61
00:04:15,053 --> 00:04:17,772
On Earth, generally,
to sprinkle joy and gladness.
62
00:04:17,773 --> 00:04:20,772
At Blandings, to recollect
the telling detail
63
00:04:20,773 --> 00:04:24,252
that makes the simply sensational,
gripping.
64
00:04:24,253 --> 00:04:26,532
What?
I'm writing my memoirs.
65
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:29,892
Memoirs! What a marvellous idea!
Have you got a title?
66
00:04:29,893 --> 00:04:32,532
Hallo To All This.
Oh, very good.
67
00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:36,772
Boko Bagshot, Dogface Weeks,
Binky Bender, Fruity Biffen,
68
00:04:36,773 --> 00:04:40,892
Fatty Coleman, Stiffy Halliday,
Buffy Struggles!
69
00:04:40,893 --> 00:04:44,772
All those reckless,
roistering gay blades!
70
00:04:44,773 --> 00:04:46,572
Young Parsloe, even.
71
00:04:46,573 --> 00:04:49,612
Great Mayfair days, Freddie.
They called me The Shadow.
72
00:04:49,613 --> 00:04:51,732
For ever marauding, never captured.
73
00:04:51,733 --> 00:04:56,692
At the Pink Pussy, you know,
they call me Flat, Unfurnished!
74
00:04:56,693 --> 00:04:59,812
It's a joke, apparently, about
my head. I couldn't care less.
75
00:04:59,813 --> 00:05:03,212
People say I'm ignorant, I don't
even know the meaning of the word!
76
00:05:03,213 --> 00:05:04,852
Ha! That's the spirit, my boy.
77
00:05:04,853 --> 00:05:07,612
A fellow your age ought to be
a beau sabreur about town.
78
00:05:07,613 --> 00:05:11,252
Oh, oh, but Galahad, London.
Frightful.
79
00:05:11,253 --> 00:05:14,252
All sorts of ghastly people
coagulate in London.
80
00:05:14,253 --> 00:05:18,052
Once, quite incredible, I dined
at the Senior Conservative
81
00:05:18,053 --> 00:05:20,812
and the waiter served me up
a rubber hot-water bottle
82
00:05:20,813 --> 00:05:22,292
with chipped potatoes.
83
00:05:22,293 --> 00:05:24,092
By no means incredible, Clarence.
84
00:05:24,093 --> 00:05:27,772
For who was it, masquerading
as a wrinkled retainer of your club?
85
00:05:27,773 --> 00:05:31,012
Your neighbour, Stinker Parsloe.
86
00:05:31,013 --> 00:05:33,652
Remember him, strutting about
in front of Buckingham Palace,
87
00:05:33,653 --> 00:05:35,092
with a soup tureen on his head
88
00:05:35,093 --> 00:05:37,932
and a stick of celery down his
breeches singing Call Me Whoopsy!
89
00:05:37,933 --> 00:05:39,173
Ha!
90
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:43,252
It's all in my book. Galahad...
91
00:05:43,253 --> 00:05:45,252
Absolutely! Disgusting behaviour.
92
00:05:45,253 --> 00:05:49,293
Not to mention the hideous
incident of the prawns.
93
00:05:52,333 --> 00:05:54,612
I remember that!
No, you do not.
94
00:05:54,613 --> 00:05:58,372
On that note, I must telephone
the Mammoth Publishing Company.
95
00:05:58,373 --> 00:06:01,213
Talk amongst yourselves.
Toodle-oo.
96
00:06:08,173 --> 00:06:10,852
I shall enjoy reading
Galahad's book.
97
00:06:10,853 --> 00:06:12,413
No, you won't.
98
00:06:13,813 --> 00:06:16,012
If this book is published,
99
00:06:16,013 --> 00:06:20,452
the entire family
will be ostracised.
100
00:06:20,453 --> 00:06:24,612
Everybody we know will be
polluted by his regurgitation
101
00:06:24,613 --> 00:06:27,132
of their youthful indiscretions!
102
00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:29,612
It's your fault he's here, Clarence,
103
00:06:29,613 --> 00:06:33,012
you shuddering jelly of imbecility.
104
00:06:33,013 --> 00:06:34,692
He must be stopped.
105
00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:37,173
By you! Oh...
106
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,252
Excellent. Excellent.
107
00:06:45,253 --> 00:06:48,772
I shall surrender my manuscript to
your courier. Name again? 'Drabble.'
108
00:06:48,773 --> 00:06:53,492
Drabble. If Drabble could bring cash?
'Certainly, sir.'
109
00:06:53,493 --> 00:06:55,532
Splendid, splendid,
thank you so much.
110
00:06:55,533 --> 00:06:57,332
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
111
00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:00,852
Erm... Connie has sent you
here to tell me something.
112
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:04,172
She has, Galahad. She has indeed.
113
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:09,452
Yes. Now, look here... erm...
114
00:07:09,453 --> 00:07:12,172
She fears the wrath of
those hypocritical bounders
115
00:07:12,173 --> 00:07:14,492
like young Parsloe
when I blow the gaff
116
00:07:14,493 --> 00:07:17,012
on their juvenile high-jinkery, yes?
Yes.
117
00:07:17,013 --> 00:07:18,932
But are we intimidated by Connie?
118
00:07:18,933 --> 00:07:20,412
Yes. No, we are not.
119
00:07:20,413 --> 00:07:23,092
She's chucking her weight about,
Clarence, it's not be borne.
120
00:07:23,093 --> 00:07:25,532
You should have sat on
her head in the nursery. Oh...
121
00:07:25,533 --> 00:07:28,332
Now, Beach, is it
time for a drink?
122
00:07:28,333 --> 00:07:31,212
Cook wishes to know if you will be
dining here this evening, sir?
123
00:07:31,213 --> 00:07:34,132
Your eyelid's twitching. That's a
tell. What are you concealing?
124
00:07:34,133 --> 00:07:38,572
Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe
is also dining here this evening.
125
00:07:38,573 --> 00:07:40,812
Oh, no!
126
00:07:40,813 --> 00:07:43,292
Is he? Is he?
127
00:07:43,293 --> 00:07:48,132
Clarence, do you think Cook could
be persuaded to serve us prawns?
128
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:50,373
Oh!
129
00:07:53,293 --> 00:07:55,972
Beach? I shall see if
it can be arranged, sir.
130
00:07:55,973 --> 00:07:57,573
Excellent!
131
00:08:08,653 --> 00:08:11,172
Just pointless! Just pointless.
132
00:08:11,173 --> 00:08:13,932
Well, no, not really, actually,
the gooey bit at the bottom...
133
00:08:13,933 --> 00:08:15,492
Asking your father to do anything.
134
00:08:15,493 --> 00:08:18,253
He couldn't influence his way
out of a straw hat.
135
00:08:20,813 --> 00:08:24,492
What have you come here for?
Erm... lunch.
136
00:08:24,493 --> 00:08:26,532
I mean, to Blandings.
137
00:08:26,533 --> 00:08:29,212
You need money, don't you?
No! No, no, no.
138
00:08:29,213 --> 00:08:33,052
How much? 50 quid. Bit of a
mix up at the Pink Pussy.
139
00:08:33,053 --> 00:08:35,693
I shudder.
I wish to hear no more.
140
00:08:37,573 --> 00:08:40,452
I will settle this
debt for you, Freddie.
141
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,292
On the condition...
142
00:08:42,293 --> 00:08:45,812
that you find your uncle's filthy
manuscript and bring it to me.
143
00:08:45,813 --> 00:08:49,053
On no account must it be
allowed to reach the publisher.
144
00:08:52,413 --> 00:08:54,213
Mammoth could ruin Blandings.
145
00:09:10,253 --> 00:09:13,372
I think, Freddie,
I shall adjourn to my office.
146
00:09:13,373 --> 00:09:16,292
Office? Others know it
as the conservatory.
147
00:09:16,293 --> 00:09:19,332
Do you mind tootling down to the
bus stop to scoop up a certain
148
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,372
Les Drabble, from my publishers?
149
00:09:21,373 --> 00:09:24,132
Rather important business.
How will I know him?
150
00:09:24,133 --> 00:09:27,252
He's a fetcher and carrier,
so I imagine he'll have a soft hat,
151
00:09:27,253 --> 00:09:29,452
a poorly-shaven chin
and the glazed expression
152
00:09:29,453 --> 00:09:32,812
of the paunched and bored.
153
00:09:32,813 --> 00:09:36,053
Always carry a false bottom,
Freddie. That's my advice.
154
00:09:47,693 --> 00:09:51,652
Thin. Thin.
155
00:09:51,653 --> 00:09:56,133
Your only desire is to be the
thinnest pig in the world.
156
00:09:59,053 --> 00:10:01,412
What's the matter with you,
you stupid animal,
157
00:10:01,413 --> 00:10:04,652
can't you understand English?
Concentrate!
158
00:10:04,653 --> 00:10:09,532
Now, food, urgh.
159
00:10:09,533 --> 00:10:12,293
The very thought
of it disgusts you...
160
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:18,052
Food...
161
00:10:18,053 --> 00:10:19,172
Urgh...
162
00:10:19,173 --> 00:10:21,332
Whatever are you doing?
163
00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:24,452
I'm not doing anything. I was
merely going out for a stroll.
164
00:10:24,453 --> 00:10:26,172
Thought I'd take a look at your pig.
165
00:10:26,173 --> 00:10:28,332
And, erm...
166
00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:30,812
check her pulse.
167
00:10:30,813 --> 00:10:34,092
Yes, I am researching... pig pulses.
168
00:10:34,093 --> 00:10:35,973
Pig pulses?
169
00:10:37,093 --> 00:10:41,732
Yes. I'll expand on the
matter later this evening.
170
00:10:41,733 --> 00:10:43,172
When I...
171
00:10:43,173 --> 00:10:45,333
dine with you.
172
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:49,453
Well, I call this a rum business,
Stinker.
173
00:10:51,493 --> 00:10:53,092
And if you were still here,
174
00:10:53,093 --> 00:10:55,213
you'd be very chastened
to hear that.
175
00:11:16,013 --> 00:11:20,132
I say, are you looking for somebody?
176
00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:25,452
Oh, snap! I had to meet someone,
but I missed him - the Mammoth.
177
00:11:25,453 --> 00:11:28,292
Oh. Have you got a name?
Oh, Freddie Threepwood.
178
00:11:28,293 --> 00:11:30,092
No, I mean for the Mammoth?
179
00:11:30,093 --> 00:11:32,852
Oh... erm... can't remember.
180
00:11:32,853 --> 00:11:37,692
A name befitting a soft man
with a poorly-shaven hat
181
00:11:37,693 --> 00:11:39,692
who used to be a glazier.
182
00:11:39,693 --> 00:11:41,692
With a paunch. Drabble?
183
00:11:41,693 --> 00:11:45,052
That sort of thing. Ears like
cauliflowers, probably a nose, too!
184
00:11:45,053 --> 00:11:47,732
Mission was to whizz him up to
Blandings to fetch a manuscript.
185
00:11:47,733 --> 00:11:50,212
Also, to stop him getting it.
186
00:11:50,213 --> 00:11:52,452
Family honour in peril,
and so forth.
187
00:11:52,453 --> 00:11:54,572
Well, never mind. I tried,
that's the main thing.
188
00:11:54,573 --> 00:11:56,732
Oh, look, there's a pub.
Care for a drinky?
189
00:11:56,733 --> 00:11:59,292
How very kind, but I rather have
to get to Blandings Castle.
190
00:11:59,293 --> 00:12:04,852
Aha! Well, there... I may
be of service to you, Miss...?
191
00:12:04,853 --> 00:12:07,693
Just... call me Lesley. Oh, Lesley!
192
00:12:09,453 --> 00:12:11,773
People tend to
forget my surname. Oh.
193
00:12:51,533 --> 00:12:54,253
Close, Connie, but no cigar.
194
00:12:55,893 --> 00:12:58,972
If you publish this disgusting
book, we shall never speak again!
195
00:12:58,973 --> 00:13:00,332
And there are other benefits.
196
00:13:00,333 --> 00:13:02,452
The name of our family will
for ever be associated
197
00:13:02,453 --> 00:13:05,012
with fearless exposure
of the sordid truth.
198
00:13:05,013 --> 00:13:07,372
Why do you affect this
preposterous monocle?
199
00:13:07,373 --> 00:13:09,852
To amuse you, my dear.
200
00:13:09,853 --> 00:13:11,493
What?
201
00:13:18,093 --> 00:13:19,452
Freddie, my boy!
202
00:13:19,453 --> 00:13:20,972
Uncle Gally?
203
00:13:20,973 --> 00:13:23,212
I'm afraid I missed your Drabble.
204
00:13:23,213 --> 00:13:27,852
But look what I found instead.
This is Lesley.
205
00:13:27,853 --> 00:13:30,372
I say! My dear, you must imagine that
206
00:13:30,373 --> 00:13:32,652
I'd leap up and bow
to kiss your hand.
207
00:13:32,653 --> 00:13:34,172
Are you Galahad Threepwood?
208
00:13:34,173 --> 00:13:37,252
Large as life and twice
as likely to escape arrest.
209
00:13:37,253 --> 00:13:39,372
However do you tolerate
being called Les?
210
00:13:39,373 --> 00:13:40,733
I've been called worse.
211
00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:46,612
(Your nephew's very charming.
Please get rid of him.)
212
00:13:46,613 --> 00:13:47,812
Yes.
213
00:13:47,813 --> 00:13:50,773
Freddie, Lesley and I should
like to have a moment alone.
214
00:13:51,813 --> 00:13:53,972
Blimey. That is...
215
00:13:53,973 --> 00:13:56,933
Yes, of course.
Goodbye.
216
00:13:58,373 --> 00:13:59,573
My dear.
217
00:14:01,973 --> 00:14:03,812
£500!
218
00:14:03,813 --> 00:14:08,052
Another 500 on this date every year
for as long as the book sells.
219
00:14:08,053 --> 00:14:10,012
And, boy, is it going to sell!
220
00:14:10,013 --> 00:14:12,972
Would it surprise you to learn that
all my adult life I have been more
221
00:14:12,973 --> 00:14:15,572
acquainted with the chink of coin
than the rustle of paper?
222
00:14:15,573 --> 00:14:17,012
Not at all. I am the same.
223
00:14:17,013 --> 00:14:21,172
Why else would I work as bagman
for a bunch of thugs like Mammoth?
224
00:14:21,173 --> 00:14:23,732
Miss Drabble, I don't suppose...?
No.
225
00:14:23,733 --> 00:14:25,012
Quite. Absolutely.
226
00:14:25,013 --> 00:14:28,012
Would I were 20 minutes younger.
227
00:14:28,013 --> 00:14:29,413
So, then...
228
00:14:30,773 --> 00:14:32,253
..to business.
229
00:14:43,533 --> 00:14:45,173
How's that?
230
00:14:46,373 --> 00:14:47,932
Perfect, my lord.
231
00:14:47,933 --> 00:14:50,852
Look here, Beach, tonight.
232
00:14:50,853 --> 00:14:53,212
Parsloe on the premises.
233
00:14:53,213 --> 00:14:54,292
Yes, my lord.
234
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:59,132
You and I both know Stinker plays
a dirty game when it comes to pigs.
235
00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:01,652
However, my sister is of the
view that rather than punching
236
00:15:01,653 --> 00:15:04,852
the blighter on the snout,
I should be civil to him.
237
00:15:04,853 --> 00:15:06,732
Neighbour, and so forth.
238
00:15:06,733 --> 00:15:07,972
Indeed, my lord.
239
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:10,372
I have taken the liberty
of seating Sir Gregory
240
00:15:10,373 --> 00:15:13,772
next to Lady Constance,
away from Your Lordship.
241
00:15:13,773 --> 00:15:15,692
Sitting with you is a Miss Drabble.
242
00:15:15,693 --> 00:15:17,692
Capital. Capital, capital.
243
00:15:17,693 --> 00:15:20,692
Oh, capital! Who's she?
244
00:15:20,693 --> 00:15:24,813
No, it doesn't matter, I shall look
forward to her company. Oh, Beach...
245
00:15:28,933 --> 00:15:31,772
..shall there be prawns for dinner?
246
00:15:31,773 --> 00:15:34,292
I believe there shall, my lord.
247
00:15:34,293 --> 00:15:35,613
Goody.
248
00:15:41,613 --> 00:15:43,253
You haven't got it, have you?
249
00:15:44,293 --> 00:15:45,692
Well...
250
00:15:45,693 --> 00:15:49,012
in the strictest sense that it
is not quite in my possession, no.
251
00:15:49,013 --> 00:15:51,532
Freddie, if you fail me in this,
252
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:54,052
I shall take you to
the zoological gardens
253
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:57,972
and feed you to the lizards
in thin, bloody slices.
254
00:15:57,973 --> 00:16:01,772
The lizards? Have you ever seen
lizards eating meat? Oh...
255
00:16:01,773 --> 00:16:03,492
No, wait, I haven't finished.
256
00:16:03,493 --> 00:16:05,812
Who is this young woman
you've suddenly produced?
257
00:16:05,813 --> 00:16:09,772
Oh, yes, she's rather jolly, isn't
she? I met her at the bus stop.
258
00:16:09,773 --> 00:16:11,892
The bus stop?
259
00:16:11,893 --> 00:16:14,132
Freddie, if brains were dynamite,
260
00:16:14,133 --> 00:16:16,652
you couldn't
blow the fuzz off a peach.
261
00:16:16,653 --> 00:16:19,493
Erm... Don't speak. Get the book.
262
00:16:48,413 --> 00:16:52,173
"How to Discourage Eating
By Association With Nausea."
263
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:04,093
'Food...urgh...'
264
00:17:08,213 --> 00:17:11,653
I understand that you walked here
this evening, Sir Gregory.
265
00:17:13,693 --> 00:17:15,333
You do not care for soup?
266
00:17:16,573 --> 00:17:20,852
Please, don't say that word.
It has an unpleasant resonance.
267
00:17:20,853 --> 00:17:23,652
Something simpler, sir?
268
00:17:23,653 --> 00:17:25,253
I could bring up a runny egg?
269
00:17:26,853 --> 00:17:29,413
Should I... bring that up, sir?
270
00:17:30,773 --> 00:17:32,413
For God's sake, man, go away.
271
00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:40,172
Did you hear, Clarence? Sir Gregory
walked here this evening.
272
00:17:40,173 --> 00:17:41,932
What?
273
00:17:41,933 --> 00:17:44,532
What is required of me,
do you think?
274
00:17:44,533 --> 00:17:45,732
Sympathy?
275
00:17:45,733 --> 00:17:49,892
Oh... Lost your chauffeur,
eh, Stinker?
276
00:17:49,893 --> 00:17:52,612
You can't lord it over
chauffeurs, you know.
277
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:56,612
Proud sort of people.
Write him a letter of apology.
278
00:17:56,613 --> 00:17:59,013
Clarence... Pig pulses...
279
00:18:00,853 --> 00:18:03,052
I like to walk. Yes.
280
00:18:03,053 --> 00:18:04,572
Time was, young Parsloe,
281
00:18:04,573 --> 00:18:07,812
you used to like ride
round on a slab of beef, hmm?
282
00:18:07,813 --> 00:18:09,812
Remember when Puffy Benger
hoisted half a cow
283
00:18:09,813 --> 00:18:12,692
so it was suspended over those debs,
and you took it upon yourself...
284
00:18:12,693 --> 00:18:14,532
I remember no such thing.
285
00:18:14,533 --> 00:18:16,812
It's just as well
that I do then, isn't it?
286
00:18:16,813 --> 00:18:18,732
It's all in my book. What book?
287
00:18:18,733 --> 00:18:21,252
(My book now.
Mmm, keep that under your chapeau.)
288
00:18:21,253 --> 00:18:23,412
Such a prodigious memory!
289
00:18:23,413 --> 00:18:26,332
I take my hat off to anybody
who can remember anything at all.
290
00:18:26,333 --> 00:18:29,252
Let alone the story of the prawns.
291
00:18:29,253 --> 00:18:34,412
What? Ah, yes. The strange case of
the curiously-wedged crustaceans.
292
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:37,292
Deserving of an entire chapter!
Ha-ha!
293
00:18:37,293 --> 00:18:40,132
There you were the next morning
rushing up and down Brook Street
294
00:18:40,133 --> 00:18:42,332
sprinkling fivers like confetti.
Galahad!
295
00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:44,972
I forbid you, sir,
ever to mention that matter.
296
00:18:44,973 --> 00:18:48,253
Should've given me a fiver, then,
I might have forgotten about it.
297
00:18:51,573 --> 00:18:54,093
Prawns! Capital!
298
00:19:02,013 --> 00:19:04,252
Sir Gregory, I entreat you...
299
00:19:04,253 --> 00:19:07,332
You cannot conceive the retribution
society shall wreak
300
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:10,412
if that book of
Threepwood's is published.
301
00:19:10,413 --> 00:19:12,452
Damn it, Constance,
you're a good woman,
302
00:19:12,453 --> 00:19:14,812
but you are disgraced
by your family.
303
00:19:14,813 --> 00:19:18,453
I cannot associate with you
until you have resolved this... Oh!
304
00:19:19,733 --> 00:19:22,533
I wish you good evening.
305
00:19:32,053 --> 00:19:34,012
He thought he'd got away with it,
306
00:19:34,013 --> 00:19:36,612
because he still had the pink,
frilly knickers over his face!
307
00:19:36,613 --> 00:19:40,293
But there it was - a little trail
of shells, right across Mayfair!
308
00:19:48,933 --> 00:19:51,612
That'll be all, thank you, Beach.
309
00:19:51,613 --> 00:19:56,852
My lady. Freddie, would you
escort your guest... from the room?
310
00:19:56,853 --> 00:19:59,212
Do not move.
311
00:19:59,213 --> 00:20:01,092
Clarence...
312
00:20:01,093 --> 00:20:04,412
if you fail to prevent
the publication of this book,
313
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:08,212
you will have to spend the
rest of your life in London,
314
00:20:08,213 --> 00:20:11,732
grovelling to atone for your
brother's atrocious behaviour -
315
00:20:11,733 --> 00:20:14,972
trying to redeem
the name of Emsworth.
316
00:20:14,973 --> 00:20:17,212
London?
317
00:20:17,213 --> 00:20:19,292
All your life.
318
00:20:19,293 --> 00:20:20,852
And on the way to the station,
319
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:24,852
you might as well deliver your
pig directly to Sir Gregory.
320
00:20:24,853 --> 00:20:27,212
It might go some way to
appeasing him for this evening,
321
00:20:27,213 --> 00:20:29,092
but I doubt it.
322
00:20:29,093 --> 00:20:31,652
In the meantime,
323
00:20:31,653 --> 00:20:33,693
I am going to my room!
324
00:20:38,693 --> 00:20:42,692
Your aunt's quite a power,
Mr Threepwood.
325
00:20:42,693 --> 00:20:46,572
You must forgive me, Miss Lesley,
if I am a little preoccupied.
326
00:20:46,573 --> 00:20:48,332
It was essential, you see,
327
00:20:48,333 --> 00:20:52,572
that I accosted this fetcher
and carrier bloke. Don't despair.
328
00:20:52,573 --> 00:20:54,973
You might still be able
to do a bit of accosting.
329
00:20:57,373 --> 00:20:59,852
Ah! Ruddy thing.
330
00:20:59,853 --> 00:21:01,292
Who's that?
331
00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:02,773
Must be Drabble.
332
00:21:07,773 --> 00:21:10,373
Ow! Where the ruddy hell am I?
333
00:21:15,373 --> 00:21:16,932
Gotcha!
334
00:21:16,933 --> 00:21:19,452
You shaven-paunched carrier!
335
00:21:19,453 --> 00:21:21,133
Take that!
336
00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:29,493
Now, where's the manuscript?
337
00:21:32,253 --> 00:21:36,053
Right. Well, that was exciting. Yes.
338
00:21:37,253 --> 00:21:38,773
Oh!
339
00:21:40,653 --> 00:21:44,052
But I don't want to spend
the rest of my life in London.
340
00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:47,252
I don't want to spend the rest
of my life scrabbling for pennies.
341
00:21:47,253 --> 00:21:50,292
Trains that go under the earth,
342
00:21:50,293 --> 00:21:53,172
cars honking and belching.
343
00:21:53,173 --> 00:21:56,172
Signs in parks that say,
"Don't do this", "Don't do that."
344
00:21:56,173 --> 00:21:58,772
Flowers one can't even touch
and the air, Galahad!
345
00:21:58,773 --> 00:22:01,812
There's no air...
Clarence. Stop it. What?
346
00:22:01,813 --> 00:22:05,132
Staring into the abyss.
Step back from it.
347
00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:07,732
I shall not let this terrible
thing happen to you.
348
00:22:07,733 --> 00:22:10,092
I don't entirely follow.
349
00:22:10,093 --> 00:22:11,493
I know you don't.
350
00:22:13,973 --> 00:22:17,292
Stay here. Have another
beaker of the blushful Hippocrene.
351
00:22:17,293 --> 00:22:20,212
I'm off to settle Connie's hash.
352
00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:23,173
Oh! Oh... Oh, Galahad.
353
00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:31,692
Right. How dare you?
354
00:22:31,693 --> 00:22:33,812
I dare because I love my brother.
355
00:22:33,813 --> 00:22:36,212
And even though it is my
firm conviction, Connie,
356
00:22:36,213 --> 00:22:38,892
that Clarence should have stuffed
your face repeatedly
357
00:22:38,893 --> 00:22:41,172
into the nursery carpet
to stunt the growth
358
00:22:41,173 --> 00:22:44,052
of your ridiculous pettiness
and snobbery,
359
00:22:44,053 --> 00:22:45,612
I love you, too.
360
00:22:45,613 --> 00:22:48,012
Galahad, if you use the word
"love" one more time,
361
00:22:48,013 --> 00:22:51,652
it may be necessary for me to
sink my teeth into your larynx!
362
00:22:51,653 --> 00:22:56,092
I've decided that Hallo To All
This is not for publication.
363
00:22:56,093 --> 00:22:58,532
Don't believe you.
I don't blame you. But it's true.
364
00:22:58,533 --> 00:23:01,772
Mammoth must forfeit
their golden goose.
365
00:23:01,773 --> 00:23:03,292
Give me the book.
366
00:23:03,293 --> 00:23:05,252
You're not old enough to read it.
367
00:23:05,253 --> 00:23:06,812
Give me the book.
368
00:23:06,813 --> 00:23:09,652
Yes, erm, actually,
that's not possible,
369
00:23:09,653 --> 00:23:12,052
because I've already
given it to the courier.
370
00:23:12,053 --> 00:23:14,493
I just have to
pop and get it back from her.
371
00:23:24,293 --> 00:23:25,852
Do you think he's dead?
372
00:23:25,853 --> 00:23:28,332
People tend not to gurgle
when they're dead.
373
00:23:28,333 --> 00:23:30,452
Urgh! God!
374
00:23:30,453 --> 00:23:31,972
Be tough with him.
375
00:23:31,973 --> 00:23:34,092
Talk at him out of
the side of your mouth.
376
00:23:34,093 --> 00:23:35,813
Oh, erm...
377
00:23:37,373 --> 00:23:39,052
Now, look here.
378
00:23:39,053 --> 00:23:40,932
Hand it over and I won't get hurt.
379
00:23:40,933 --> 00:23:42,132
Oh, no, no... I mean...
380
00:23:42,133 --> 00:23:44,892
Hand what over?
I haven't got any money.
381
00:23:44,893 --> 00:23:48,532
Oh, well, that much we have in
common. But I want the manuscript.
382
00:23:48,533 --> 00:23:52,012
What manuscript?
What does it look like?
383
00:23:52,013 --> 00:23:53,212
Like this!
384
00:23:53,213 --> 00:23:55,612
I can't see. I've got
a ruddy sack on my head.
385
00:23:55,613 --> 00:23:57,852
I tell you, if my
hands weren't tied...
386
00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:00,292
Your hands are not tied. Huh?
387
00:24:00,293 --> 00:24:01,573
Oh...
388
00:24:05,573 --> 00:24:08,532
You?! You? Him!
389
00:24:08,533 --> 00:24:10,613
Me! Hello, everybody.
390
00:24:11,733 --> 00:24:14,492
My God, Threepwood,
you'll suffer for this!
391
00:24:14,493 --> 00:24:17,292
Well, which Threepwood will
be doing the suffering? Neither.
392
00:24:17,293 --> 00:24:19,772
He'll calm down in a minute
when he hears what I have to say.
393
00:24:19,773 --> 00:24:23,572
Miss Drabble, absolutely
delightful to find you still here.
394
00:24:23,573 --> 00:24:26,852
If you weren't so damned pretty,
this would break my heart.
395
00:24:26,853 --> 00:24:28,293
I return my fee.
396
00:24:30,013 --> 00:24:32,172
All right by me if you lose
it on the way home,
397
00:24:32,173 --> 00:24:34,412
you deserve a raise.
What is all this?
398
00:24:34,413 --> 00:24:36,172
The mark of a gentleman, Parsloe,
399
00:24:36,173 --> 00:24:40,212
to recognise when a caper has become
a liability that may cause harm.
400
00:24:40,213 --> 00:24:42,292
Miss Drabble? Thank you.
401
00:24:42,293 --> 00:24:45,332
I don't trust you, Threepwood.
You'll print it privately.
402
00:24:45,333 --> 00:24:47,532
Excellent idea, but no.
403
00:24:47,533 --> 00:24:50,972
As for trust, cocky, behold -
404
00:24:50,973 --> 00:24:53,533
the chapter of the prawns.
405
00:24:56,933 --> 00:24:58,973
There we go, darling.
406
00:25:01,533 --> 00:25:05,053
Now, young Parsloe,
go home and have a bath.
407
00:25:09,293 --> 00:25:12,173
We shall not speak of what
has passed this night.
408
00:25:18,133 --> 00:25:20,212
I'm afraid I said that
with my fingers crossed.
409
00:25:20,213 --> 00:25:22,812
Now, Freddie, did Connie
offer you a reward? Oh...
410
00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:24,172
If she gives you any trouble,
411
00:25:24,173 --> 00:25:26,612
go straight to the medicine
cupboard in Beach's pantry.
412
00:25:26,613 --> 00:25:29,372
Concealed therein is an account
of your aunt sprinting round
413
00:25:29,373 --> 00:25:32,092
the rose garden wearing a
wicker basket and nothing else.
414
00:25:32,093 --> 00:25:34,452
Great snakes! Why, for a bet?
A bet, of course,
415
00:25:34,453 --> 00:25:37,092
but, fortunately, I was there
to record the whole event.
416
00:25:37,093 --> 00:25:40,172
Now, you young people will be
wanting to kiss each other bonkers,
417
00:25:40,173 --> 00:25:41,533
so I bid you good night.
418
00:25:44,133 --> 00:25:46,452
Toodle-oo.
419
00:25:46,453 --> 00:25:48,532
Is life always like
this at Blandings?
420
00:25:48,533 --> 00:25:51,732
Lord, no. Sometimes
it can get quite hectic. Oh...
421
00:25:51,733 --> 00:25:53,332
Look, what he said...
422
00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:54,853
I shouldn't want you to...
423
00:26:05,453 --> 00:26:10,132
I sat next to the most
charming girl tonight at dinner.
424
00:26:10,133 --> 00:26:11,893
Can't remember her name.
425
00:26:13,013 --> 00:26:16,332
Lesley. No, don't think
it was Lesley.
426
00:26:16,333 --> 00:26:20,012
One of those names that
fits both boys and girls.
427
00:26:20,013 --> 00:26:21,733
Hamish, possibly.
428
00:26:24,093 --> 00:26:27,692
Clarence, in your time, have
you met many girls called Hamish?
429
00:26:27,693 --> 00:26:31,212
My dear fellow,
Hamish is a boy's name.
430
00:26:31,213 --> 00:26:34,173
I thought so. Just checking.
431
00:26:36,813 --> 00:26:38,733
Your thundering good health.
432
00:26:42,533 --> 00:26:46,253
About your book, Galahad.
Have you made arrangements for it?
433
00:26:47,253 --> 00:26:49,373
I have, Clarence, yes.
434
00:26:50,813 --> 00:26:52,733
I have. Well...
435
00:27:01,813 --> 00:27:05,052
Beach, I am so sorry to
trespass upon you at this hour,
436
00:27:05,053 --> 00:27:08,292
but the excitements of the evening
have given me rather a headache.
437
00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:10,812
Could I have one of
your wonderful powders?
438
00:27:10,813 --> 00:27:12,573
Yes, of course, your ladyship.
439
00:27:21,533 --> 00:27:23,092
Oh... Erm...
440
00:27:23,093 --> 00:27:24,572
What have you got there?
441
00:27:24,573 --> 00:27:26,932
Nothing, my lady. Bit of rubbish.
442
00:27:26,933 --> 00:27:28,413
Give it to me.
443
00:27:32,813 --> 00:27:37,493
'Her modesty, what remained of it,
defended by a small, wicker basket.'
444
00:27:40,333 --> 00:27:43,693
Yes. Quite right, Beach.
Utter preposterous rubbish.
445
00:27:45,173 --> 00:27:47,612
Shall I dispose of it?
No, no, no. Thank you, Beach,
446
00:27:47,613 --> 00:27:49,372
I have a perfectly
adequate basket...
447
00:27:49,373 --> 00:27:52,453
..in my room.
448
00:28:15,431 --> 00:28:39,445
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