Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:15,028
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
2
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:23,700
Curious, Beach. The Empress appears
to be breakfasting on blancmange.
3
00:00:23,701 --> 00:00:26,179
It was Cook's idea, my lord.
4
00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:30,298
In order to entice the Empress
to return here from the kitchen.
5
00:00:30,299 --> 00:00:34,018
It appears Wellbeloved left the
gate open when he was refreshed.
6
00:00:34,019 --> 00:00:37,260
We can't have the Empress wandering
the streets, cadging blancmange.
7
00:00:37,261 --> 00:00:39,139
Where IS Wellbeloved?
8
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,618
He was last seen in the small hours,
my lord,
9
00:00:41,619 --> 00:00:44,258
declaring he was
"going home to Tewkesbury"
10
00:00:44,259 --> 00:00:46,580
to stay with his mother,
the old rat bag,
11
00:00:46,581 --> 00:00:50,380
"God bless her,
never drew a sober breath".
12
00:00:52,380 --> 00:00:57,739
Y'see? Wellbeloved goes missing,
it puts her bowels in an uproar.
13
00:00:57,740 --> 00:01:01,740
Her ladyship would like to see you,
my lord.
14
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:05,059
Tewkesbury.
15
00:01:05,060 --> 00:01:07,340
It's practically in Belgium.
16
00:01:29,660 --> 00:01:31,739
That tree.
17
00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:34,580
Altogether too loud.
18
00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:41,499
Connie! The most appalling thing.
19
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:44,859
Wellbeloved's done a bunk!
20
00:01:44,860 --> 00:01:49,500
Will you stop gibbering, Clarence.
Lady Littlewood arrives any moment.
21
00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:53,659
You must bathe, shave -
BURN those clothes -
22
00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:56,458
put on a suit and hat
and then go somewhere else
23
00:01:56,459 --> 00:01:58,260
where you can't possibly be seen.
24
00:01:58,261 --> 00:02:01,619
Now, her husband was
the Marquis of Littlewood,
25
00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:03,700
one of the oldest
marquisates in the country.
26
00:02:03,701 --> 00:02:07,979
Was? Did he, er,
give up being the marquis?
27
00:02:07,980 --> 00:02:10,338
Well, in the sense that he died,
yes.
28
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,540
It behoves us to assist his widow.
29
00:02:12,541 --> 00:02:16,499
She seeks comfort amongst
people who know her.
30
00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:18,499
Do we know her? No.
31
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:20,740
But there again,
you entirely miss the point.
32
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:24,179
People like us know each
other on principle.
33
00:02:24,180 --> 00:02:26,019
Ah, Frederick.
34
00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:28,780
Let's hope your arrival causes
the intellectual portion
35
00:02:28,781 --> 00:02:31,499
of this conversation
to leap joyously.
36
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:33,299
Alcohol.
37
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,379
Three syllables. Hurrah.
38
00:02:35,380 --> 00:02:38,139
No more women. Never.
39
00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:40,059
Now you're being garrulous.
40
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,500
Now, Daphne Littlewood
is by all accounts
41
00:02:42,501 --> 00:02:46,019
a delightful and intelligent woman.
42
00:02:46,020 --> 00:02:48,059
How old is she?
43
00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:51,939
The Dowager Marchioness
is a woman of a certain age.
44
00:02:51,940 --> 00:02:54,220
Not a threat. Good.
45
00:02:59,620 --> 00:03:01,539
Mumsy, you're hurting me!
46
00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:06,220
Sorry, darling. Mumsy's
excited about meeting new friends.
47
00:03:15,860 --> 00:03:17,979
I didn't tell you to stop.
48
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:21,340
You didn't give me no money
for petrol, neither.
49
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:29,779
Gin, sherry, port, brandy,
pudding wine
50
00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,179
and a substantial dash of bitters.
51
00:03:32,180 --> 00:03:35,620
It's called
Death Comes For The Archbishop.
52
00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:40,700
It insulates the drinker against the
amorous attentions of the female.
53
00:03:40,701 --> 00:03:42,619
I should think it does, sir.
54
00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:47,219
I've been crossed in love
for the last time, Beach.
55
00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:50,619
I met a girl at the Pink Pussy.
Daisy Warner.
56
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:52,139
Slip of a thing.
57
00:03:52,140 --> 00:03:54,418
We cut a rug,
heard the chimes at midnight.
58
00:03:54,419 --> 00:03:57,578
I asked her to marry me
in the usual way. She accepted.
59
00:03:57,579 --> 00:03:59,620
Arranged to meet at the church
the next morning.
60
00:03:59,621 --> 00:04:01,779
I show up, can't see her.
61
00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:04,580
Bloke taps me on the shoulder.
Guess who it is?
62
00:04:04,581 --> 00:04:06,659
Lady's husband, sir? No,
63
00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:09,779
it was Daisy, sans make-up.
64
00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:13,539
Turns out she's a merchant seaman
named Derek.
65
00:04:13,540 --> 00:04:15,419
Bit of a shock.
66
00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:18,659
I mean, Derek.
67
00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:21,620
On the whole, I thought it best not
to go through with the arrangement.
68
00:04:21,621 --> 00:04:23,099
Crikey, sir.
69
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,500
Women have made me
lose my powers of reason.
70
00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:27,659
I hereby forswear 'em.
71
00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:30,780
My heart shall never skip another
beat on account of a floozy,
72
00:04:30,781 --> 00:04:32,899
popsy, goddess,
73
00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:39,100
nymph or any other manifestation of
the laughably mislabelled gentle
sex.
74
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,779
Fiver on it.
75
00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:44,179
Very well, sir.
76
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:46,459
Good man. You'll regret it.
77
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,019
Hmm.
78
00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:49,938
Her husband's death is not recent
79
00:04:49,939 --> 00:04:53,300
although I think it's a subject
to be avoided. Stay off it.
80
00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:11,380
I say... Right, that's it!
81
00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:16,300
My dear Lady Littlewood! Welcome!
82
00:05:16,301 --> 00:05:22,259
Oh, Daphne, j'insiste.
But this is just too splendid!
83
00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:25,738
Oh, my brother and I rattle
about the place. You know.
84
00:05:25,739 --> 00:05:28,620
Oh, but I thought this handsome man
was your husband!
85
00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:30,699
What?
86
00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:33,220
Oh no! My husband is no longer
with us.
87
00:05:33,221 --> 00:05:35,899
My brother has never been... with us
88
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:40,139
but his physical presence somehow
endures. Clarence? What?
89
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:43,099
Don't mention the dead husband. Oh.
90
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:46,459
Oh, not hers. Oh, that's all right.
91
00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:49,419
Good, good. My dear Lady Tittlewood.
92
00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:52,979
Welcome to, as it were... um...
93
00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:56,219
Blandings. Quite.
94
00:05:56,220 --> 00:06:00,819
Yes, so kind of this young girl.
This car's broken.
95
00:06:00,820 --> 00:06:03,019
Screamingly dull.
96
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:07,939
And all the baggages and maids
and clutter, all arrive tomorrow.
97
00:06:07,940 --> 00:06:10,899
Huxley, greet Lord Emsworth.
98
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:13,579
Are you an earl? Yes.
99
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:15,698
That's one down from the marquis.
100
00:06:15,699 --> 00:06:17,900
I'm a marquis,
so I'm better than you.
101
00:06:17,901 --> 00:06:20,259
Isn't he divine! He's such a wit!
102
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:25,699
So, where's the pig?
God. There's so much of her. Hello.
103
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:28,580
Who's that person?
She's your new pig man.
104
00:06:34,780 --> 00:06:37,618
I'm sorry about my brother.
He's a trifle deaf.
105
00:06:37,619 --> 00:06:40,780
He has sustained a terrible injury
to the side of his head.
106
00:06:40,781 --> 00:06:43,299
Oh, dear. When did that occur?
107
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:47,460
Later this afternoon. Do come in.
108
00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:53,299
Erm... Miss, are you local...?
Miss, er?
109
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:55,698
Simmons.
Yeah, I'm often down this way.
110
00:06:55,699 --> 00:06:58,580
I come and help my uncle out with
his pig. He calls her the Queen.
111
00:06:58,581 --> 00:07:00,059
Extraordinary!
112
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:03,418
The most dreadful blaggard imaginable
lives round the corner here.
113
00:07:03,419 --> 00:07:06,698
Calls his pig the Queen.
Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe?
114
00:07:06,699 --> 00:07:09,258
Stinker Parsloe, I call him.
He's my uncle. Oh.
115
00:07:09,259 --> 00:07:11,498
But you're right.
He IS a stinker.
116
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,298
Miss Simmons,
you're not a secret agent,
117
00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:14,980
working for the Stinker are you?
118
00:07:14,981 --> 00:07:18,179
No, Lord Emsworth. I'm just me.
119
00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:20,739
Absolutely not, get a grip!
120
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:23,419
Her feet must be size 16...
121
00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:26,340
I mean, think of her legs...
122
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:31,899
Now Connie, dear, do tell.
Your brother.
123
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:35,340
What are his interests?
Is there a lady in his life?
124
00:07:35,341 --> 00:07:37,419
There is!
125
00:07:37,420 --> 00:07:39,739
Describe her to me.
126
00:07:39,740 --> 00:07:44,419
Well! Her face is dished
and bristled.
127
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:48,419
She is stupendously malodorous,
she presently weighs -
128
00:07:48,420 --> 00:07:52,780
and I know because Clarence gives me
adoring reports, every morning -
129
00:07:52,781 --> 00:07:54,939
46 stone.
130
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:58,700
But she has surprisingly
delicate feet.
131
00:08:00,460 --> 00:08:02,619
If God and the law allowed it,
132
00:08:02,620 --> 00:08:07,179
Clarence's PIG would probably
be Countess of Emsworth.
133
00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:09,780
No female human would take the job.
134
00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:16,698
I was looking for tea,
but I'll settle for a drinky.
135
00:08:16,699 --> 00:08:19,658
No, no. Actually, they're both for
me. Careful! That's not for girls.
136
00:08:19,659 --> 00:08:21,699
What about you? You for girls?
137
00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,739
No. No, I'm not.
138
00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:26,260
Do you bash the shuttlecock
from the feathered end?
139
00:08:26,261 --> 00:08:30,299
What? No, I do not! I have forsworn
the company of women.
140
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,940
I now dedicate myself to alcohol.
141
00:08:31,941 --> 00:08:33,979
You call THAT alcohol?
142
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:37,140
Tonight I'll give you something we
used to mix up at my convent school.
143
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:40,139
It's called Stations Of The Cross.
One sip,
144
00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:42,339
you're crawling on your knees.
145
00:08:42,340 --> 00:08:44,578
No. Tonight you will give me
nothing.
146
00:08:44,579 --> 00:08:46,660
I absolutely refuse to discuss
your knees.
147
00:08:46,661 --> 00:08:48,939
This conversation is at an end.
148
00:08:48,940 --> 00:08:51,300
Funny little thing, aren't you?
149
00:08:57,340 --> 00:09:00,140
Be still my beating heart.
150
00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:20,098
Goodness gracious,
I'm so sorry, my lord.
151
00:09:20,099 --> 00:09:22,660
I tried to divert
the course of the falling sack...
152
00:09:22,661 --> 00:09:24,939
There was no falling sack!
153
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:27,298
Let us shut the gate,
my lord, shall we?
154
00:09:27,299 --> 00:09:29,980
We don't want the Empress
loose in the grounds.
155
00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:40,059
Now, Clarence. You have to make
an effort with Daphne.
156
00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:42,499
Of course. Daphne?
157
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:46,539
Oh, yes, to be sure, yes.
Lady Littlewick, yes, yes.
158
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:49,819
You wander off while she is talking.
159
00:09:49,820 --> 00:09:51,979
Whatever must she think?
160
00:09:51,980 --> 00:09:55,538
Just now she expressed a great
personal interest in you,
161
00:09:55,539 --> 00:09:57,738
which must have
cost her considerable effort!
162
00:09:57,739 --> 00:09:59,698
Just make her feel welcome,
Clarence.
163
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:02,020
That her company is valued.
Yes, to be sure.
164
00:10:02,021 --> 00:10:04,099
Oh look, who's that?
165
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:07,740
That's Daphne, you imbecile!
Daphne! Do come and sit.
166
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:12,699
Might I have a little tete-a-tete
with your brother?
167
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,260
Of course.
168
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:18,659
Clarence will regale you with...
169
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,740
hilarious anecdotes
of his schooldays.
170
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,900
Oh! Ha-ha!
171
00:10:36,980 --> 00:10:40,099
Yes. I went to school. Erm.
172
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:42,940
I had many pleasant friends. Yes.
173
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:50,459
They called me Fathead.
Did your friends call you Fathead?
174
00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:53,540
Not especially...
175
00:10:55,420 --> 00:11:01,780
But I do find all this...
incredibly... diverting.
176
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:07,380
What a... FASCINATING man you are.
177
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:17,019
My dear Lady... Piddlefoot.
178
00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:20,219
I should like you to know that your
179
00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:25,500
visit to Blandings is very welcome.
180
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,140
Why, thank you, Lord Emsworth.
181
00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,380
It's valuable.
182
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:37,220
Oh, you are sweet.
183
00:11:38,660 --> 00:11:45,300
As a child I was teased
for my particular passion.
184
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,780
Pigs.
185
00:11:58,540 --> 00:12:00,300
Would you care to see my wiffle?
186
00:12:03,980 --> 00:12:06,898
Do I have the honour of addressing a
Mr Ruddock,
187
00:12:06,899 --> 00:12:08,860
the Butler to the Littlewoods?
188
00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:11,579
Oh, I do beg your pardon, Madam.
189
00:12:11,580 --> 00:12:13,979
I wonder if I might enquire
190
00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:16,980
about certain domestic arrangements
at your end?
191
00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:29,138
If you distress this
pig... or drive her from her home...
192
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:32,218
I will rub your noxious little
face in that pile of dung.
193
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,578
Have a think about it.
194
00:12:33,579 --> 00:12:35,778
Where am I going, Beach,
and what am I doing?
195
00:12:35,779 --> 00:12:39,740
You are fetching the book of pigs
for Lady Littlewood, my lord.
196
00:12:39,741 --> 00:12:42,979
Am I? What a capital idea.
197
00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:45,818
Y'know, she's a damned clever woman,
don't you think?
198
00:12:45,819 --> 00:12:49,140
Very sporting of her to be
so interested in pigs.
199
00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:52,739
Indeed, my lord.
The young marquis was advising me
200
00:12:52,740 --> 00:12:56,140
that when at leisure, his mother
likes to muck out the pigsties.
201
00:12:57,740 --> 00:12:59,739
She finds it... soothing.
202
00:12:59,740 --> 00:13:04,380
Well, well, that is extraordinary!
203
00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:07,458
D'you know, Beach,
for a minute there
204
00:13:07,459 --> 00:13:10,980
I thought you said
she like to muck out the pigsties!
205
00:13:10,981 --> 00:13:14,179
I read in Variety Spice, my lord,
206
00:13:14,180 --> 00:13:18,098
that manual labour in the farmyard
is intensely fashionable
207
00:13:18,099 --> 00:13:20,460
for ladies of a discerning
temperament.
208
00:13:20,461 --> 00:13:22,379
Good heavens!
209
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:26,340
Erm, do you suppose our guest might
wish to slip down to the sty now?
210
00:13:26,341 --> 00:13:28,619
Quick once-round? Mop and brush?
211
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:31,060
I shall assemble the requisite
instruments, my lord.
212
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:35,299
Get some buckets, Beach, yes
and a stout shovel.
213
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:38,780
The Empress has still got
a bit of a runny tummy.
214
00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:57,380
Beach?
Give Lady Littlespade the wood.
215
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:05,779
Don't be shy.
216
00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:07,539
Get stuck in.
217
00:14:07,540 --> 00:14:09,259
So, how does one...?
218
00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:13,298
One bends the knees, your ladyship,
and gets right underneath it.
219
00:14:13,299 --> 00:14:15,820
She's got a bit of a runny tummy,
y'see.
220
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,779
Erm, it was the blancmange.
221
00:14:18,780 --> 00:14:22,260
There you go. Tickety-boo!
222
00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:29,178
Clarence! Under what
demented pretext
223
00:14:29,179 --> 00:14:33,658
have you got the Marchioness of
Littlewood mucking out the pigsty?
224
00:14:33,659 --> 00:14:35,938
Oh, she loves it!
Can't get enough of it!
225
00:14:35,939 --> 00:14:39,340
Apparently at home you can't keep
the shovel out of her hands!
226
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,380
Charming woman. Awfully modern.
227
00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:49,660
Muck-shovelling party? Excellent.
Soon have the place shipshape.
228
00:14:49,661 --> 00:14:53,379
Connie? There is a spare bucket.
229
00:14:53,380 --> 00:14:55,738
Your ladyship. Might I have a...?
No.
230
00:14:55,739 --> 00:14:58,860
This is the stuff for the troops,
marvellous.
231
00:15:02,220 --> 00:15:03,898
Beach! What've you got there?
232
00:15:03,899 --> 00:15:05,418
Emergency measures, sir.
233
00:15:05,419 --> 00:15:09,538
Now look, I want you to know that
I am agitated by this Miss Simmons.
234
00:15:09,539 --> 00:15:12,940
I'd be liar to say I wasn't,
but I have backbone, damn it,
235
00:15:12,941 --> 00:15:15,699
and a bet's a bet.
What emergency?
236
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,258
It's not my place to say so!
237
00:15:17,259 --> 00:15:20,780
But I believe that Lady Littlewood
has an ulterior motive.
238
00:15:20,781 --> 00:15:24,219
Does she? By God! An ulterior
motive. Hah! Erm.
239
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:28,859
What is that?
She's not what she seems.
240
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,899
She's not another bloke in drag?
No, sir.
241
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:35,058
But I have reason to believe that
the Littlewood estate is bankrupt,
242
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,978
their domestic servants
have not been paid for months.
243
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,178
And the Marchioness tours
the country
244
00:15:40,179 --> 00:15:42,980
looking for a solution
to her embarrassment.
245
00:15:42,981 --> 00:15:46,059
That is why she is here
at Blandings.
246
00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:49,899
To cast her net around his lordship.
247
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:53,299
You speak in nautical riddles.
248
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:58,979
She wishes to entrap your father
in marriage.
249
00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:03,179
Oh, phooey! What? Beach,
you're tighter than I am!
250
00:16:03,180 --> 00:16:07,020
Who could possibly want to
marry my father? Eh? Utter rot.
251
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:11,980
Oh, my God. What are we to do?
252
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:26,340
No, no, no, no. NO!
253
00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:33,980
I've just been assaulting
the Marquis of Littlewood.
254
00:16:33,981 --> 00:16:37,059
Oh. Was that... pleasurable?
255
00:16:37,060 --> 00:16:38,260
Excessively.
256
00:16:39,340 --> 00:16:40,700
Hot work.
257
00:16:42,180 --> 00:16:43,860
Get me a towel, would you?
258
00:16:43,861 --> 00:16:45,539
I cannot touch a woman.
259
00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:47,459
I didn't ask you to dry me.
260
00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:49,140
I don't have a towel big enough.
261
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:54,940
I don't quite know what I'm saying.
Miss Simmons, you confuse me.
262
00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:10,460
I haven't done this
since I was a nip nob!
263
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:14,979
Aha! A nine!
264
00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:21,019
Now, look here, Connie, I want you
to be the first to know.
265
00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:28,499
I do believe I'm going to ask
Lady Tickleputt a certain question.
266
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:33,859
Erm, Giddyfruit. Oh, dash it!
What is her name?
267
00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:36,380
Emsworth, by the sound of it.
268
00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:42,780
Emsworth, I like that, I like that!
269
00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:47,779
Two, four, six. A ten! Aha!
270
00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:50,020
Bravo!
271
00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:57,820
Daphne dear, I cannot permit
this charade to continue.
272
00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:02,820
We shall soon discover what can
and cannot be permitted.
273
00:18:05,180 --> 00:18:07,419
You have a brain, he doesn't.
274
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,498
He would be cataclysmically
unhappy with you
275
00:18:09,499 --> 00:18:11,578
and unable to work out why.
It would be cruel.
276
00:18:11,579 --> 00:18:15,020
Yes, certainly he will lose
the benefit of your advice,
277
00:18:15,021 --> 00:18:18,419
for you will not be here,
Connie, dear.
278
00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:22,179
Poor fellow dotes on me.
I win, you see.
279
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:23,900
You lose.
280
00:18:26,580 --> 00:18:28,700
Capital!
281
00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:39,059
I have for-slorn love.
And yet the stuff is all around me.
282
00:18:39,060 --> 00:18:44,579
There's the Guv'nor, look,
about to be netted in Daphne's cap.
283
00:18:44,580 --> 00:18:46,860
And then there's me.
284
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:51,340
Well, that's easy for you to say.
But I tell you this.
285
00:18:51,341 --> 00:18:54,939
If Monica Simmons was here
right now,
286
00:18:54,940 --> 00:18:59,379
I should not be able
to restrain myself.
287
00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:02,219
I should say...
288
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:04,739
your thundering good health..
289
00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:07,139
What should you say?
290
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:12,459
I should say, "Look here,
Monica Simmons.
291
00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:17,459
"You Olympian pile
of sizzling womanhood.
292
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:24,179
"You titanic, fabulous,
double-breasted Amazon.
293
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:26,339
"I love you."
294
00:19:26,340 --> 00:19:28,700
Olympian pile of sizzling womanhood?
295
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:32,899
She is. I'd say, "Monica Simmons.
296
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:37,939
"You walk into a room, it
makes me want to shin up a ladder
297
00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:41,139
"and kiss your big...
298
00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:44,740
"red... lips."
299
00:19:48,780 --> 00:19:50,860
Go on, then.
300
00:19:59,540 --> 00:20:02,339
Ah...
301
00:20:02,340 --> 00:20:05,860
All right.
Let's just get one thing straight.
302
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:12,179
You're not going to turn out to be a
man, are you? No.
303
00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:16,020
Are you? Oh...
304
00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:20,619
Beach?
305
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,500
You win.
306
00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:07,179
When Lady Littlewood marries
Lord Emsworth...
307
00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:10,259
I expect to be banished.
308
00:21:10,260 --> 00:21:12,700
I fear that you may also be removed.
309
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:18,419
I know it, your ladyship.
I will take it on the chin.
310
00:21:18,420 --> 00:21:20,020
Yes.
311
00:21:22,420 --> 00:21:24,619
I think I shall go to my room.
312
00:21:24,620 --> 00:21:28,060
Very good, my lady.
313
00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:51,698
Incidentally. Is Daffers getting
anywhere with your old man?
314
00:21:51,699 --> 00:21:53,818
Last week she tried
it on with Uncle Gregory,
315
00:21:53,819 --> 00:21:56,020
and he told her to sling her hook.
316
00:21:56,021 --> 00:21:59,979
Digger Daphne,
he called her. So she came here.
317
00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:03,020
Full marks for perseverance.
318
00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:12,899
Where's the Empress?
319
00:22:12,900 --> 00:22:15,779
Just hang on a minute.
320
00:22:15,780 --> 00:22:18,899
Erm, erm, Miss Simmons.
321
00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:23,259
You will observe, Lady Fiddleprune...
322
00:22:23,260 --> 00:22:30,100
the fine prospect. There is a sun...
323
00:22:31,660 --> 00:22:35,420
some water. Yes.
324
00:22:38,300 --> 00:22:43,619
Lady, erm... Giddyfruit, I...
325
00:22:43,620 --> 00:22:47,700
oh! Ah!
326
00:22:49,980 --> 00:22:55,059
Would you do me the honour,
I wonder of erm...?
327
00:22:55,060 --> 00:22:58,459
MUMSY! Yes.
It bit my fingy...
328
00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:01,100
Hold on, darling! Mumsy's coming.
329
00:23:09,220 --> 00:23:11,259
Ow!
330
00:23:11,260 --> 00:23:14,459
Beach! What is a fingy?
331
00:23:14,460 --> 00:23:16,060
My FINGER, you stupid old goat!
332
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:20,059
Oh, right you are.
It's his finger. What bit you?
333
00:23:20,060 --> 00:23:24,699
Your ruddy pig! Ow!
Darling, darling. Did he say pig?
334
00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:28,619
Now look here, Cruxley,
did you or did you not say pig?
335
00:23:28,620 --> 00:23:31,819
Pig! Pig! PIG, PIG, PIG!
336
00:23:31,820 --> 00:23:34,139
He said pig. THAT PIG!
337
00:23:34,140 --> 00:23:39,619
My dear fellow, that is
The Empress. She does not bite.
338
00:23:39,620 --> 00:23:42,820
It ruddy well bit me. Look!
339
00:23:43,940 --> 00:23:45,339
You! Pig girl!
340
00:23:45,340 --> 00:23:47,540
The pig has become carnivorous.
Despatch it.
341
00:23:47,541 --> 00:23:50,099
Give over, you ghastly old trout!
342
00:23:50,100 --> 00:23:52,059
She's after you, Guv'nor.
343
00:23:52,060 --> 00:23:54,738
Her husband blew the family
fortune on booze -
344
00:23:54,739 --> 00:23:57,740
medal for him, by the way -
and now she wants to be
345
00:23:57,741 --> 00:24:01,580
Mrs The Earl of Emsworth.
Don'cha, Daph?
346
00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:04,819
Excuse me. Moreover.
347
00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:07,020
As soon as Pinkbeard's
got you in the bag,
348
00:24:07,021 --> 00:24:10,459
she'll make Beach walk the plank.
And me.
349
00:24:10,460 --> 00:24:14,459
And me. And her. I mean it, Guv'nor.
350
00:24:14,460 --> 00:24:16,499
Beach will become a tramp,
351
00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:19,058
Aunt C will fall among
the Shabby Women,
352
00:24:19,059 --> 00:24:22,660
you'll come down to breakfast
to find the Hideous Huxley
353
00:24:22,661 --> 00:24:24,299
sitting in MY chair,
354
00:24:24,300 --> 00:24:28,660
scoffing the tragic sausages that
are all that remains of The Empress.
355
00:24:41,100 --> 00:24:45,460
But my dear Lady Littlehope.
This can never be.
356
00:24:46,660 --> 00:24:49,819
Constance, Frederick.
357
00:24:49,820 --> 00:24:55,660
Beach. The Empress.
This is my family.
358
00:24:56,820 --> 00:24:59,299
If I may be permitted to clarify.
359
00:24:59,300 --> 00:25:03,779
You may have decided
to marry my brother,
360
00:25:03,780 --> 00:25:07,299
but in fact he would like you
to leave.
361
00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:08,820
Would that be a fair precis?
362
00:25:10,940 --> 00:25:14,619
You have no idea the contempt
363
00:25:14,620 --> 00:25:20,379
the name of Emsworth shall inspire
in the drawing rooms of Mayfair,
364
00:25:20,380 --> 00:25:24,659
when I speak of my treatment here.
365
00:25:24,660 --> 00:25:28,779
Well, be sure to take off all
your clothes before doing so.
366
00:25:28,780 --> 00:25:32,179
There is an aroma
of fat old sow about you
367
00:25:32,180 --> 00:25:34,180
that is frankly overpowering.
368
00:25:36,980 --> 00:25:40,459
Better to be naked in Mayfair,
Lady Earwig,
369
00:25:40,460 --> 00:25:42,140
than a bad smell.
370
00:25:43,700 --> 00:25:46,659
LITTLEWOOD!
Earwig will do for you.
371
00:25:46,660 --> 00:25:50,739
Ha! You're drunk!
372
00:25:50,740 --> 00:25:53,619
I am as tight as an owl.
373
00:25:53,620 --> 00:25:56,899
But in the morning,
I shall have a headache,
374
00:25:56,900 --> 00:26:01,940
and you'll still have
a bum like a moose.
375
00:26:04,220 --> 00:26:07,300
Ha! Cheerio!
376
00:26:13,380 --> 00:26:16,540
Oh, hurry up, mother!
377
00:26:19,860 --> 00:26:23,339
Oh, is Lady Pifflewit leaving?
378
00:26:23,340 --> 00:26:27,140
She is, Clarence. Oh. I do hope
nobody said anything untoward
379
00:26:27,141 --> 00:26:29,500
about her dead husband?
380
00:26:32,700 --> 00:26:36,940
Mumsy, my fingy! Move your hand,
you stupid child!
381
00:26:39,300 --> 00:26:42,219
Beach. Your ladyship.
382
00:26:42,220 --> 00:26:44,699
Champagne on the terrace, I think.
383
00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:48,380
I want us all to enjoy the view.
384
00:27:57,061 --> 00:28:23,241
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
29817
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof