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00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,640
Clarence!
3
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:21,559
Clarence...
4
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,319
Oh, for heaven's sakes!
5
00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,879
Ha, ha, capital!
6
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,439
Connie, who's my head gardener?
7
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,918
Red hair - stops me
doing everything?
8
00:00:31,919 --> 00:00:33,438
McAllister. He's on holiday.
9
00:00:33,663 --> 00:00:37,062
Well, in the absence of McAllister,
I think you'll find he's on holiday,
10
00:00:37,063 --> 00:00:39,784
I'm going to spread muck
all over the roses.
11
00:00:39,785 --> 00:00:41,143
I shall be copious.
12
00:00:41,144 --> 00:00:44,344
Brother, dear, is this something
you intend to achieve personally?
13
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:49,983
Oh, Lord, no, no. I have a supplier.
Horse, mostly.
14
00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:53,384
Mmm. Did you, er...? I have
a present for you. Oh?
15
00:00:53,385 --> 00:00:56,423
A new broom. Ah.
I expect it imminently.
16
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:59,064
As well as your feeble-minded son.
17
00:01:20,624 --> 00:01:23,103
I say, are you all right?
18
00:01:23,104 --> 00:01:25,943
Cor...
19
00:01:25,944 --> 00:01:27,623
Yes. Er...
20
00:01:27,624 --> 00:01:30,623
Tree had me fooled.
21
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:35,303
It's been put there only recently,
you see.
22
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:38,983
It'll have to go back
to its original posish.
23
00:01:38,984 --> 00:01:40,303
Lovely Labrador.
24
00:01:40,304 --> 00:01:45,143
Thank you. It's a special type
of Labrador called a cocker spaniel.
25
00:01:45,144 --> 00:01:47,143
Fine old boy, your cocker.
26
00:01:47,144 --> 00:01:49,984
She's a puppy and she's not mine.
I walk her.
27
00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,663
Can't she walk herself?
28
00:01:51,664 --> 00:01:54,184
Seems to be furnished with a full
complement of legs.
29
00:01:54,185 --> 00:01:58,543
It's very important to me
that a person appreciates dogs.
30
00:01:58,544 --> 00:02:01,783
Oh, I appreciate the hell
out of dogs.
31
00:02:01,784 --> 00:02:05,543
Dogs! Can't get enough of 'em.
Love 'em.
32
00:02:05,544 --> 00:02:06,743
You have a dog?
33
00:02:06,744 --> 00:02:08,463
No, but I tell you what.
34
00:02:08,464 --> 00:02:10,942
I'm going to go straight out
and get one.
35
00:02:10,943 --> 00:02:13,702
Obviously, I can't just at
the moment, because I'm skint,
36
00:02:13,703 --> 00:02:16,864
but it is my greatest
ambition in life to own a dog.
37
00:02:16,865 --> 00:02:19,664
Erm. What's yours?
38
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:26,903
In the short term, to finish
my walk. Goodbye. Come on, Zulu.
39
00:02:26,904 --> 00:02:27,944
Come on.
40
00:02:30,744 --> 00:02:34,863
Miss Jennings has returned,
your ladyship, with Zulu.
41
00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:37,024
Ah. Show them to the drawing room.
42
00:02:37,025 --> 00:02:40,423
A Zulu? Connie, how singular.
43
00:02:40,424 --> 00:02:42,904
Do you think
he might like to see my assegai?
44
00:02:49,264 --> 00:02:51,944
Ah, Zulu.
45
00:02:54,544 --> 00:02:56,343
Oh, it's a dog.
46
00:02:56,344 --> 00:03:00,663
Veronica Schoonmaker, a very dear
childhood friend, is coming
47
00:03:00,664 --> 00:03:04,064
to visit us with her millionaire
husband and her five dogs.
48
00:03:04,065 --> 00:03:05,823
Veronica.
49
00:03:05,824 --> 00:03:10,142
Is that the brute-faced girl who
laced your cocoa with laxative?
50
00:03:10,143 --> 00:03:12,024
You spent the whole day locked in.
51
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:17,703
Don't be absurd. Dear Veronica
will expect me to have a dog.
52
00:03:17,704 --> 00:03:22,144
So Pandora has produced one.
She's not given birth to it.
53
00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:25,984
My brother spends protracted periods
with his mouth open.
54
00:03:25,985 --> 00:03:27,584
One gets used to it.
55
00:03:29,064 --> 00:03:30,662
Who is that unusual man?
56
00:03:30,663 --> 00:03:35,264
Oh, that is Frederick Threepwood. He
is regrettably Lord Emsworth's son.
57
00:03:36,664 --> 00:03:42,143
Frederick, I want you to meet
my god-daughter, Pandora Jennings.
58
00:03:42,144 --> 00:03:43,703
Coo!
59
00:03:43,704 --> 00:03:46,183
Believe me, monosyllabic ejaculation
60
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:49,544
is preferable to the usual
course of his utterances.
61
00:03:49,545 --> 00:03:51,783
Why does the dog shout?
62
00:03:51,784 --> 00:03:53,382
She finds your nephew alarming.
63
00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:55,784
It is the consensus.
Take the animal away.
64
00:03:58,024 --> 00:03:59,743
Aunt Constance?
65
00:03:59,744 --> 00:04:01,543
No.
66
00:04:01,544 --> 00:04:03,824
That is your
"I-want-to-borrow-money" voice,
67
00:04:03,825 --> 00:04:07,264
and the answer, as I say, is no.
68
00:04:18,144 --> 00:04:21,863
The name's Baxter. Rupert Baxter.
69
00:04:21,864 --> 00:04:25,663
Representatives generally find it
more convenient
70
00:04:25,664 --> 00:04:28,703
to call at the back door.
71
00:04:28,704 --> 00:04:31,623
I am not here to sell you dusters,
Beach.
72
00:04:31,624 --> 00:04:33,464
Lady Constance summoned me.
73
00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:38,943
Her ladyship is in the drawing...
74
00:04:38,944 --> 00:04:41,704
I have memorised the floor plans
of the castle.
75
00:04:41,705 --> 00:04:42,744
I know my way.
76
00:04:52,904 --> 00:04:57,743
Aha! Is this the muck man?
77
00:04:57,744 --> 00:05:02,263
Mr Baxter does not sell manure.
He is your new secretary.
78
00:05:02,264 --> 00:05:04,383
Oh. Did I have an old one?
79
00:05:04,384 --> 00:05:07,662
No, you've never had a secretary and
that is why your life is a shambles.
80
00:05:07,663 --> 00:05:08,822
He is your new broom.
81
00:05:08,823 --> 00:05:12,384
He comes highly recommended by
the Marquis of Tring. Spongebelly?
82
00:05:12,385 --> 00:05:16,063
I have regularised Lord Tring's
domestic affairs
83
00:05:16,064 --> 00:05:20,543
to our mutual satisfaction.
I now require a fresh challenge.
84
00:05:20,544 --> 00:05:22,224
So you're not the muck man?
85
00:05:22,225 --> 00:05:24,263
I am not, Lord Emsworth.
86
00:05:24,264 --> 00:05:27,742
I know you're not Lord Emsworth.
I'm Lord Emsworth.
87
00:05:27,743 --> 00:05:29,142
Well... if you see him,
88
00:05:29,143 --> 00:05:32,144
my dear fellow, direct him
to the roses, will you?
89
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:39,462
I cannot pretend the task
will be simple, Lady Constance.
90
00:05:39,463 --> 00:05:42,664
But I promise you,
I will regularise your brother.
91
00:05:49,024 --> 00:05:51,584
Ever had a personal secretary,
Wellbeloved?
92
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:55,863
Never had much call for one,
m'lord, in my line of work.
93
00:05:55,864 --> 00:05:58,183
Ah, Guv'nor, are you here?
94
00:05:58,184 --> 00:05:59,903
Erm, yes.
95
00:05:59,904 --> 00:06:01,862
Good. Wondering
if I could have a word?
96
00:06:01,863 --> 00:06:04,622
Concerns a small wager I had
with Catsmeat at the Pink Pussy.
97
00:06:04,623 --> 00:06:06,222
I shan't bore you with the detail.
98
00:06:06,223 --> 00:06:09,022
It involved an item of corsetry
and a couple of ferrets.
99
00:06:09,023 --> 00:06:12,062
Anyway, in short,
Catsmeat's beast romped the course
100
00:06:12,063 --> 00:06:15,382
and the blighter's taken the next
six months of my allowance.
101
00:06:15,383 --> 00:06:18,382
You have been relieved
of your allowance by a ferret?
102
00:06:18,383 --> 00:06:21,222
Six ruddy months' worth.
You will appreciate the problem.
103
00:06:21,223 --> 00:06:22,982
No use coming to me, alas.
104
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,182
Money.
I always left that to your mother.
105
00:06:25,183 --> 00:06:27,864
Did you ever meet your mother?
Charming woman.
106
00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:33,582
Cyril, how are you?
107
00:06:33,583 --> 00:06:36,264
What sort of salary
are you on these days?
108
00:06:36,265 --> 00:06:38,343
No, Mr Frederick.
109
00:06:38,344 --> 00:06:40,664
A tenner, come on. A teeny one.
110
00:06:43,224 --> 00:06:47,142
My dear fellow, I'm so sorry.
I was looking for my study.
111
00:06:47,143 --> 00:06:48,984
This IS your study, Lord Emsworth.
112
00:06:48,985 --> 00:06:51,703
As you can see,
113
00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:54,664
I have reclassified
your collection of marbles,
114
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:59,103
the taxonomic principle being size,
left to right,
115
00:06:59,104 --> 00:07:03,504
the second principle of order being
colour, spectrum right to left.
116
00:07:05,464 --> 00:07:09,024
Good, Zulu. Now, listen to me.
I want you to sit...
117
00:07:10,064 --> 00:07:14,583
No, I want you to sit...
I'll try another one.
118
00:07:14,584 --> 00:07:16,863
I want you to go over there...
119
00:07:16,864 --> 00:07:21,743
Zulu, I want you to go over there...
Go... O...
120
00:07:21,744 --> 00:07:23,863
It's plainly deaf.
121
00:07:23,864 --> 00:07:28,743
Pandora, dear, this business
of Veronica and Gerry Schoonmaker.
122
00:07:28,744 --> 00:07:30,982
Apparently
he suffers from being American,
123
00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:33,622
so one never quite knows what
to expect, but Veronica
124
00:07:33,623 --> 00:07:36,824
is a very dear friend. I do
so want her to feel comfortable...
125
00:07:36,825 --> 00:07:39,223
Hours, you were locked in. Hours.
126
00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:42,782
Was that a spasm or are you
addressing someone in this room?
127
00:07:42,783 --> 00:07:46,584
You. In the bathroom.
Half a bottle of "syrup of figs"...
128
00:07:46,585 --> 00:07:50,583
Moreover, Connie, erm,
about this Baxter of yours.
129
00:07:50,584 --> 00:07:53,422
The point of YOUR Baxter
is to sort things out.
130
00:07:53,423 --> 00:07:56,062
He's sorted things out in my study
and I can't find a damn thing.
131
00:07:56,063 --> 00:07:59,022
By tomorrow morning,
Blanding's Castle must be shipshape
132
00:07:59,023 --> 00:08:00,302
for the arrival of Veronica.
133
00:08:00,303 --> 00:08:03,184
I know perfectly well this
is beyond your abilities to arrange,
134
00:08:03,185 --> 00:08:04,503
ergo Baxter.
135
00:08:04,504 --> 00:08:07,622
You haven't the faintest idea
what I'm talking about, have you?
136
00:08:07,623 --> 00:08:09,782
Of course I have.
You've got your gusset in a bind
137
00:08:09,783 --> 00:08:12,102
about this cocoa-poisoner
Angelica Snorkelbender,
138
00:08:12,103 --> 00:08:13,984
her five husbands
and her millionaire dog.
139
00:08:13,985 --> 00:08:16,623
Did he say millionaire?
140
00:08:16,624 --> 00:08:23,343
Frederick, no! Out... Go! Away!
I want you to go over there. Away!
141
00:08:23,344 --> 00:08:27,303
Miss Jennings is corking,
but she thinks I'm an idiot.
142
00:08:27,304 --> 00:08:30,464
I am an idiot, can't change that.
But how to impress her?
143
00:08:31,704 --> 00:08:34,462
"Cultivate a shared interest",
I hear you cry.
144
00:08:34,463 --> 00:08:36,982
Do you suppose
she enjoys drinking to excess
145
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:39,822
and watching girls in tiny skirts
do the shimmy?
146
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:43,782
More likely, sir, that she's
interested in matters canine.
147
00:08:43,783 --> 00:08:47,464
Not sure I can dicky up
an interest in dentistry, Beach.
148
00:08:47,465 --> 00:08:49,663
I meant dogs, Mr Frederick.
149
00:08:49,664 --> 00:08:50,823
Oh, no, no.
150
00:08:50,824 --> 00:08:54,822
I've told her I think dogs
are hotsy-totsy, the bees' patellas.
151
00:08:54,823 --> 00:08:56,384
Trouble is, I ain't got one.
152
00:08:57,384 --> 00:09:01,424
Cook has a dog, sir. Bottles.
I'm sure you could borrow him.
153
00:09:01,425 --> 00:09:03,623
And what make of dog is Bottles?
154
00:09:03,624 --> 00:09:06,743
Ah. His parentage is questionable,
sir,
155
00:09:06,744 --> 00:09:08,623
but he has character.
156
00:09:08,624 --> 00:09:09,703
Good stuff.
157
00:09:09,704 --> 00:09:14,623
But it doesn't solve the fact that
I'm stony as Chesil Beach, Beach.
158
00:09:14,624 --> 00:09:17,182
Any minute now there's going to be
a millionaire on the loose
159
00:09:17,183 --> 00:09:20,024
and I haven't the faintest idea
how to put the moves on him.
160
00:09:20,025 --> 00:09:24,543
Hold the line, what's this?
Dog food rep!
161
00:09:24,544 --> 00:09:26,344
That'll dazzle Miss Jennings.
162
00:09:26,345 --> 00:09:28,264
Woofo!
163
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:32,424
Ah... muck!
164
00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:36,304
My roses will be rapturous.
165
00:09:40,424 --> 00:09:45,143
My dear fellow, we cannot prance
around like delirious fairies.
166
00:09:45,144 --> 00:09:46,704
There is muck to be spread.
167
00:09:46,705 --> 00:09:50,063
It is Lady Constance's desire,
Lord Emsworth,
168
00:09:50,064 --> 00:09:51,542
that you remain in your study
169
00:09:51,543 --> 00:09:53,942
while the castle is being prepared
for guests.
170
00:09:53,943 --> 00:09:56,782
I am at your service
and accordingly, I will arrange
171
00:09:56,783 --> 00:10:00,144
the distribution of your lordship's
waste product.
172
00:10:09,864 --> 00:10:12,143
Are you manure?
173
00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:14,784
No, mate, I'm dog food.
Where do you want it?
174
00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:19,463
Says on the docket,
"Free Dick Threepwood".
175
00:10:19,464 --> 00:10:22,822
If he chooses to eat dog food,
then let him do so.
176
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,022
Take it round the back.
177
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:27,584
Ask the footman to make the delivery
to Mr Threepwood's room.
178
00:10:29,304 --> 00:10:30,464
Capital.
179
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:36,504
"Remain in your study"...
Blasted impertinence.
180
00:10:40,064 --> 00:10:41,744
Oh, oh, dear.
181
00:10:59,544 --> 00:11:00,944
Beach!
182
00:11:04,744 --> 00:11:07,903
There is mess.
Here. Mucky mess.
183
00:11:07,904 --> 00:11:10,743
I cannot abide mucky mess.
184
00:11:10,744 --> 00:11:17,263
Filthy mucky mess, west hall floor,
1500 hours.
185
00:11:17,264 --> 00:11:19,583
See that it is cleared by 1503.
186
00:11:19,584 --> 00:11:21,824
Who is responsible for this
abomination?
187
00:11:21,825 --> 00:11:24,623
A horse, sir, by the aroma.
188
00:11:24,624 --> 00:11:26,624
Don't get gay with me, Beach.
189
00:11:28,384 --> 00:11:30,904
Everything in order, Mr Baxter?
190
00:11:33,184 --> 00:11:35,184
Oh.
191
00:11:46,464 --> 00:11:48,583
Ah, Connie, oh, good.
192
00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:50,864
I've been looking closely
at these shoes, you see.
193
00:11:50,865 --> 00:11:52,783
In the dark?
194
00:11:52,784 --> 00:11:57,103
Not in the dark, Connie,
the electric light is illuminated
195
00:11:57,104 --> 00:12:00,383
and I'm greatly concerned
by the state of them.
196
00:12:00,384 --> 00:12:03,583
I mean, look at this...
dirty great hole.
197
00:12:03,584 --> 00:12:08,103
Oh, that's where his foot goes in.
Anyway, how's, er...
198
00:12:08,104 --> 00:12:12,064
everything going? Arrangements
and that for Japonica Poonsmacker?
199
00:12:15,384 --> 00:12:19,743
Please sign, my lord, where
indicated with a red cross. Pen.
200
00:12:19,744 --> 00:12:22,263
What... Erm... Err... Very well.
201
00:12:22,264 --> 00:12:26,103
Red cross affair, in reddish ink...
202
00:12:26,104 --> 00:12:32,463
Yes, Lord Emsworth, that is
a red cross. Here, here, and here.
203
00:12:32,464 --> 00:12:34,824
"Matters domestic, reordering of..."
204
00:12:34,825 --> 00:12:36,744
And here.
205
00:12:39,104 --> 00:12:40,824
Now we can all get on.
206
00:12:49,264 --> 00:12:50,303
Hello!
207
00:12:50,304 --> 00:12:53,703
Phew!
208
00:12:53,704 --> 00:12:55,863
Miss Jennings, this is Bottles.
209
00:12:55,864 --> 00:12:58,223
What is he? A lurcher?
210
00:12:58,224 --> 00:12:59,462
He does walk oddly.
211
00:12:59,463 --> 00:13:02,504
It's all the knotty muscle
he's developed from eating
212
00:13:02,505 --> 00:13:04,143
Donaldson's Dog Joy.
213
00:13:04,144 --> 00:13:08,184
He dines on nothing else.
Look at him. What's he doing?
214
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:12,064
Well, it is a muscle, I suppose...
215
00:13:12,065 --> 00:13:15,743
Bottles!
Stop doing that to that little dog.
216
00:13:15,744 --> 00:13:20,103
Any rate, corking bit of luck,
biffing into you like this. Oh!
217
00:13:20,104 --> 00:13:22,343
No! No! No!
218
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:24,464
Do you think you could now
remove him from my leg?
219
00:13:24,465 --> 00:13:27,623
Bottles, you cad!
Miss Jennings, I cannot...
220
00:13:27,624 --> 00:13:30,742
Enough "dog joy"
for this afternoon, I think.
221
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:33,582
No, wait. Donaldson's is
a product like no other.
222
00:13:33,583 --> 00:13:36,782
I sell it, you see. I'm going to
flog these five-dog Schoonmakers
223
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:38,862
a hundredweight of the stuff
just for kick-off.
224
00:13:38,863 --> 00:13:42,704
You see, the biscuit is so supremely
delicious, you can eat it yourself.
225
00:13:51,384 --> 00:13:55,183
Item three, appendix nine:
226
00:13:55,184 --> 00:14:00,183
unsightly hair in the nose and ears.
227
00:14:00,184 --> 00:14:01,902
These orifices are to be purged
228
00:14:01,903 --> 00:14:05,304
before the arrival of her ladyship's
guest, Mrs Schoonmaker.
229
00:14:05,305 --> 00:14:07,103
Good heavens. Erm, Beach.
230
00:14:07,104 --> 00:14:09,823
Everything tickety-boo?
231
00:14:09,824 --> 00:14:12,022
Everything is quite in order here,
Lord Emsworth.
232
00:14:12,023 --> 00:14:14,544
May I be of further
assistance to you?
233
00:14:14,545 --> 00:14:17,463
No. Thank you. Good heavens, no.
234
00:14:17,464 --> 00:14:19,103
No, no, no, no.
235
00:14:19,104 --> 00:14:25,423
Item three, appendix ten:
following breakfast, servants up to
236
00:14:25,424 --> 00:14:28,263
and including the rank of footman
237
00:14:28,264 --> 00:14:31,303
will have a maximum of three
minutes
238
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:34,743
to avail themselves
in the water closet.
239
00:14:34,744 --> 00:14:39,664
Sheets of paper for this purpose:
two.
240
00:14:40,744 --> 00:14:43,742
Did you snort?
Lordship won't stand for this.
241
00:14:43,743 --> 00:14:48,064
His lordship endorses my every
reform, Beach. It's all in here.
242
00:14:50,184 --> 00:14:53,703
The enemy's within, Beach.
Gnawing at the vitals.
243
00:14:53,704 --> 00:14:55,262
Feel your vitals being gnawed at?
244
00:14:55,263 --> 00:14:56,424
To the bone, my lord.
245
00:14:57,584 --> 00:14:59,342
Fellow rubs us up the wrong way.
246
00:14:59,343 --> 00:15:02,544
There is mutiny fomenting behind
the green baize door, my lord.
247
00:15:02,545 --> 00:15:03,743
I fear it.
248
00:15:03,744 --> 00:15:07,584
However, her ladyship looks
favourably upon this gentleman.
249
00:15:10,704 --> 00:15:11,824
Step aside, Beach.
250
00:15:18,104 --> 00:15:22,344
First one mixes the product with
saliva, preferably one's own.
251
00:15:22,345 --> 00:15:23,663
Freddie, please.
252
00:15:23,664 --> 00:15:27,623
Then one masticates the biscuit,
thus.
253
00:15:27,624 --> 00:15:32,823
Now, look here, this Baxter
really will have to go.
254
00:15:32,824 --> 00:15:36,342
He's interfered with my bumboes,
my knocksies and my keepsies
255
00:15:36,343 --> 00:15:39,782
and now he's upsetting the servants,
and I won't have it.
256
00:15:39,783 --> 00:15:42,422
The servants have had it
far too good for far too long.
257
00:15:42,423 --> 00:15:44,622
Have you seen the blossoms
on Beach's nose?
258
00:15:44,623 --> 00:15:46,702
He's cost you a fortune in port.
259
00:15:46,703 --> 00:15:49,422
But Beach likes port.
I only get it for him.
260
00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:51,182
Freddie, is it entirely
necessary
261
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:53,104
for you to make that
revolting noise?
262
00:15:53,105 --> 00:15:55,023
Choking... to death...
263
00:15:55,024 --> 00:15:58,142
Well, do it elsewhere, please.
You're frightening the dog.
264
00:15:58,143 --> 00:16:01,064
Pandora, don't do that,
he's just showing off. Freddie?
265
00:16:01,065 --> 00:16:02,743
Let me make this clear.
266
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:05,462
If you exhibit yourself
as a dog food salesman
267
00:16:05,463 --> 00:16:07,622
in front of my dear friend Veronica,
268
00:16:07,623 --> 00:16:11,624
I shall choke you myself, not with
the food, but with the entire dog.
269
00:16:13,504 --> 00:16:16,743
Thank you, all of you.
That will be all.
270
00:16:16,744 --> 00:16:17,784
Thank you.
271
00:16:21,624 --> 00:16:23,703
Snootered, Guv'nor.
272
00:16:23,704 --> 00:16:26,222
I haven't a hope in hell of flogging
the junk to Verruca
273
00:16:26,223 --> 00:16:29,622
and Johnny Spoonlager,
and I've two tons of it to shift.
274
00:16:29,623 --> 00:16:31,144
It's all stacked up in my bedroom.
275
00:16:31,145 --> 00:16:32,983
I can't move for the stuff.
276
00:16:32,984 --> 00:16:35,544
I've been seeking you,
Lord Emsworth.
277
00:16:35,545 --> 00:16:38,143
I did not expect to find
a ninth Earl
278
00:16:38,144 --> 00:16:42,103
frittering his leisure time
in the company of swine.
279
00:16:42,104 --> 00:16:46,262
Never mind you seeking me, Baxter,
I have a mind, sir, to seek you.
280
00:16:46,263 --> 00:16:48,902
The servants are in commotion,
my dear fellow,
281
00:16:48,903 --> 00:16:51,022
there is disgruntlement and wailing
282
00:16:51,023 --> 00:16:53,224
where once there was revelry
and song.
283
00:16:53,225 --> 00:16:55,303
In my opinion, Lord Emsworth,
284
00:16:55,304 --> 00:16:58,623
there has been far too much
"revelry and song".
285
00:16:58,624 --> 00:17:01,903
My dear fellow, this is blasphemy!
286
00:17:01,904 --> 00:17:03,423
What's that?
287
00:17:03,424 --> 00:17:04,902
You surprised me, er...
288
00:17:04,903 --> 00:17:07,784
Frederick, a brief working
definition of blasphemy?
289
00:17:07,785 --> 00:17:12,103
No, no. What's that hideous
scratching sound? What is it?
290
00:17:12,104 --> 00:17:16,022
Oh, er... that's nothing. That's
just normal life in the rafters.
291
00:17:16,023 --> 00:17:19,182
Rats, or I don't know... Rats?
I don't suppose, Guv'nor,
292
00:17:19,183 --> 00:17:21,984
if you happen to know if Bottles
is a great ratter?
293
00:17:21,985 --> 00:17:23,983
Who is Bottles?
294
00:17:23,984 --> 00:17:28,663
I'll bet he is. He has a suitably
deranged look about him.
295
00:17:28,664 --> 00:17:33,103
Aha...
I feel a demonstration coming on.
296
00:17:33,104 --> 00:17:37,303
It is perverse of me, Freddie,
I know, but I have no desire
297
00:17:37,304 --> 00:17:41,264
to "pole down to the sty to watch
Bottles massacring rats".
298
00:17:41,265 --> 00:17:43,303
But he's a killer, Aunt C.
299
00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:46,782
It's cos he eats Donaldson's Dog
Joy, he's so full of beans.
300
00:17:46,783 --> 00:17:48,262
Freddie? Will you sit?
301
00:17:48,263 --> 00:17:52,222
No-one wishes to see you disgorging
kippers like Donaldson's Dog Joy.
302
00:17:52,223 --> 00:17:53,622
Hah! You remember the name.
303
00:17:53,623 --> 00:17:56,464
And if I hear it again, I shall
peel off your face with a spoon.
304
00:17:56,465 --> 00:17:58,143
I'll do you a discount.
305
00:17:58,144 --> 00:17:59,184
No! Sit.
306
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:04,063
When you finally emerged
from the bathroom,
307
00:18:04,064 --> 00:18:07,624
she pulled up your frock
over your face, and you went...
308
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:11,383
Clarence! When my dear friend
Veronica arrives,
309
00:18:11,384 --> 00:18:13,902
I shall expect you
to be dressed correctly.
310
00:18:13,903 --> 00:18:16,462
Oh, Lord. On top of that infernal
reptile Baxter
311
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:20,744
spreading despair all over,
I now have to wear a stiff collar.
312
00:18:20,745 --> 00:18:23,343
I am present, Lord Emsworth.
Eh?
313
00:18:23,344 --> 00:18:26,102
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, my dear
fellow, I wasn't referring to you.
314
00:18:26,103 --> 00:18:30,622
I was talking about that horrible
secretary of mine. What's his name?
315
00:18:30,623 --> 00:18:34,544
Clarence. May I recommend that
you do not speak while eating?
316
00:18:34,545 --> 00:18:38,703
Miss Jennings, are my eyes alight
with missionary zeal?
317
00:18:38,704 --> 00:18:41,704
I see Donaldson's Dog Joy in every
good grocer's
318
00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:43,423
from Manhattan to Lisbon.
319
00:18:43,424 --> 00:18:45,143
Is Lisbon in America?
320
00:18:45,144 --> 00:18:46,383
Not especially.
321
00:18:46,384 --> 00:18:49,744
So much the better. Start with
America, end with the world!
322
00:18:50,944 --> 00:18:54,264
Baxter! That's the fellow.
Oh, I can't stand the man.
323
00:18:54,265 --> 00:18:55,824
Odious little fellow.
324
00:19:01,984 --> 00:19:04,143
Shakespeare said it, Beach.
325
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:09,103
There is a flood in the affairs of
men, and it's taken its ruddy time.
326
00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:12,943
But dash it, here it is.
Look at my ruddy wardrobe!
327
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:18,184
It's been Baxtered! Oh,
he shall rue his interference here.
328
00:19:19,544 --> 00:19:21,823
What is that repulsive object?
329
00:19:21,824 --> 00:19:24,383
It is Mr Baxter's ledger, my lord.
330
00:19:24,384 --> 00:19:26,064
He appears to have misplaced it.
331
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,104
Give it to me.
332
00:19:31,624 --> 00:19:34,424
Blighter's about to misplace it
a whole lot more.
333
00:19:36,744 --> 00:19:39,264
Veronica,
so lovely to have you back again.
334
00:19:44,664 --> 00:19:47,662
Full marks, Constance. I like
a young bitch about the place.
335
00:19:47,663 --> 00:19:49,384
I'm so pleased you approve.
336
00:19:50,384 --> 00:19:54,143
I mean, a castle isn't really
possible without a dog.
337
00:19:54,144 --> 00:19:56,663
Don't you think so,
Mr Schoonmaker?
338
00:19:56,664 --> 00:20:00,544
I'm American, Lady Constance.
Ronnie doesn't allow me an opinion.
339
00:20:02,184 --> 00:20:05,984
Of course, the stern is feathered,
which in the pure breed
340
00:20:05,985 --> 00:20:08,103
is totally unacceptable.
341
00:20:08,104 --> 00:20:09,262
But of course, dear,
342
00:20:09,263 --> 00:20:12,704
you always did prefer the look
of things about you to be...
343
00:20:12,705 --> 00:20:14,784
not quite right.
344
00:20:20,144 --> 00:20:24,144
Ronnie, dear, will you excuse me?
345
00:20:26,664 --> 00:20:28,584
I've just remembered something.
346
00:20:38,464 --> 00:20:42,344
Vengeance is mine, Ronnie, dear.
347
00:20:54,264 --> 00:20:55,622
Wrong side of the slope,
348
00:20:55,623 --> 00:20:58,864
but I think you'll be amused
by its impertinence.
349
00:20:58,865 --> 00:21:00,583
That dog stinks.
350
00:21:00,584 --> 00:21:01,824
Rich from you, Cyril.
351
00:21:06,304 --> 00:21:08,744
Bottles? Curtain up.
352
00:21:15,904 --> 00:21:17,624
Who's a beautiful boy, then?
353
00:21:19,144 --> 00:21:21,784
Fresh cup?
354
00:21:28,264 --> 00:21:30,703
Mmm.
355
00:21:30,704 --> 00:21:34,583
Is there something
the matter with the tea?
356
00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:36,064
Unusual notes of fruit.
357
00:21:36,065 --> 00:21:40,344
Typical of me to choose a blend
that's "not quite right".
358
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:46,704
Clarence!
Where on Earth have you been?
359
00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:49,063
Gardening.
360
00:21:49,064 --> 00:21:54,903
Good afternoon.
You must be Gordy Bushwhacker.
361
00:21:54,904 --> 00:21:58,984
Near enough. My wife Ron,
who I believe you know.
362
00:22:04,944 --> 00:22:06,704
Where is my ledger?
363
00:22:08,144 --> 00:22:10,663
Somebody has taken my ledger.
364
00:22:10,664 --> 00:22:14,342
I left it on the shelf outside
the north corridor water closet.
365
00:22:14,343 --> 00:22:18,224
It is gone. Perhaps you should have
taken it in with you, Sir.
366
00:22:18,225 --> 00:22:20,383
It might have come in handy.
367
00:22:20,384 --> 00:22:22,904
Given restrictions
on usage of paper.
368
00:22:24,424 --> 00:22:26,104
You will regret that, Beach.
369
00:22:26,105 --> 00:22:28,584
Possibly, sir. Will that be all?
370
00:22:31,064 --> 00:22:33,223
Where is Lord Emsworth?
371
00:22:33,224 --> 00:22:36,302
Ah, yes, sir,
I'm obliged to you for reminding me.
372
00:22:36,303 --> 00:22:37,462
His lordship wished me
373
00:22:37,463 --> 00:22:40,222
to apprise you that you may have
dropped your ledger.
374
00:22:40,223 --> 00:22:41,264
Among the roses.
375
00:22:46,624 --> 00:22:50,382
Ah. Mr and Mrs Schoonmaker,
welcome to Blandings Castle.
376
00:22:50,383 --> 00:22:52,782
If I might have a moment of your
time, I shall divert you
377
00:22:52,783 --> 00:22:54,462
with a life-changing demonstration
378
00:22:54,463 --> 00:22:57,184
of a doggy comestible
I am honoured to sell.
379
00:22:57,185 --> 00:22:59,504
Frederick. Aunt Constance. Desist!
380
00:23:00,544 --> 00:23:05,784
Can anybody else hear that?
Sort of... creaking.
381
00:23:06,944 --> 00:23:12,104
Oh, it's you. Aha! Mystery solved.
382
00:23:13,344 --> 00:23:16,384
Now, allow me to present...
Bottles!
383
00:23:18,424 --> 00:23:22,104
Presently making friends
rather vigorously with that...
384
00:23:22,105 --> 00:23:23,663
thing like a sporran.
385
00:23:23,664 --> 00:23:28,983
This paragon of British doghood
is about to demonstrate the zip,
386
00:23:28,984 --> 00:23:32,063
vim and sheer joie de vivre
that cannot help
387
00:23:32,064 --> 00:23:37,144
but surge from an animal reared
exclusively on Donaldson's Dog Joy!
388
00:23:43,064 --> 00:23:47,423
I have in this sack
a handful of simple rats.
389
00:23:47,424 --> 00:23:51,303
If you will kindly step
out onto the lawn... Beach!
390
00:23:51,304 --> 00:23:54,222
Did he say bats? Rats.
Oh, good, fair enough.
391
00:23:54,223 --> 00:23:56,944
You wouldn't want to keep
bats in a bag, would you?
392
00:23:58,144 --> 00:24:00,944
Dispose of this receptacle
immediately.
393
00:24:02,704 --> 00:24:04,663
Was that you again? No!
394
00:24:04,664 --> 00:24:07,024
I definitely hear a sort of creaking.
395
00:24:40,744 --> 00:24:43,582
From escape to capture
and despatch - six seconds!
396
00:24:43,583 --> 00:24:45,742
Did you ever see such
a turn of speed?
397
00:24:45,743 --> 00:24:47,783
He's got them all. What a lad!
398
00:24:47,784 --> 00:24:52,424
Donaldson's Dog Joy, Mr Schoonmaker!
I can do you a special price!
399
00:24:54,504 --> 00:24:56,383
Good heavens! Mr Baxter!
400
00:24:56,384 --> 00:25:00,063
Might I have a moment,
Lord Emsworth?
401
00:25:00,064 --> 00:25:02,983
No, my dear fellow, you may not.
402
00:25:02,984 --> 00:25:06,343
This ridiculous exhibition
is the end.
403
00:25:06,344 --> 00:25:08,424
That product has cost me
a lot of money
404
00:25:08,425 --> 00:25:13,024
and I do not expect to see it
distributed around my drawing room.
405
00:25:14,904 --> 00:25:16,424
It's coming from there.
406
00:25:16,425 --> 00:25:21,423
Your butler abducted my ledger
whilst I was at stool!
407
00:25:21,424 --> 00:25:23,904
Beach! Come here.
408
00:25:25,224 --> 00:25:29,024
Do you deny that you took
the ledger whilst I was...
409
00:25:41,344 --> 00:25:42,822
And the most remarkable thing is,
410
00:25:42,823 --> 00:25:45,784
the biscuit is entirely fit
for human consumption.
411
00:25:47,544 --> 00:25:50,704
Young man? How much Dog Joy
just came through the roof?
412
00:25:52,424 --> 00:25:53,983
Two tons, sir.
413
00:25:53,984 --> 00:25:57,784
Put it all on my tab.
It's worth every penny.
414
00:26:05,944 --> 00:26:07,864
Poor Veronica.
415
00:26:10,704 --> 00:26:14,223
I do wish I could persuade you
to stay longer.
416
00:26:14,224 --> 00:26:16,744
Such a nasty upset stomach,
with everybody watching.
417
00:26:16,745 --> 00:26:18,623
Thank you, Constance.
418
00:26:18,624 --> 00:26:20,544
Thank you, Veronica.
419
00:26:22,264 --> 00:26:27,504
A little something for the journey.
Just in case.
420
00:26:30,864 --> 00:26:34,624
If I may permit myself
the vulgarity... gotcha!
421
00:26:36,984 --> 00:26:39,343
These are for you.
422
00:26:39,344 --> 00:26:42,823
How lovely. Stalks.
423
00:26:42,824 --> 00:26:45,823
Damn. I wrapped the wrong end.
424
00:26:45,824 --> 00:26:48,023
Look, Miss Jennings,
425
00:26:48,024 --> 00:26:50,544
I just wanted to say
that you're splendid.
426
00:26:50,545 --> 00:26:53,063
I mean, I'm rather... erm...
427
00:26:53,064 --> 00:26:54,543
Fond of you.
428
00:26:54,544 --> 00:26:57,703
Are you going to give me
the stalks, or not?
429
00:26:57,704 --> 00:27:02,383
Oh. Yes. Here.
You'll need an upside-down vase.
430
00:27:02,384 --> 00:27:04,144
I can't imagine where...
431
00:27:08,304 --> 00:27:11,544
I'm rather fond of you too,
Mr Threepwood.
432
00:27:14,824 --> 00:27:18,664
Do you think you could possibly
remove Bottles from my leg, please?
433
00:27:18,665 --> 00:27:20,704
Oh! Yes, of course.
434
00:27:27,944 --> 00:27:30,144
Ha ha! The jingling tray.
435
00:27:31,304 --> 00:27:33,184
Will you join me, Beach?
436
00:27:35,944 --> 00:27:37,102
You take the glass.
437
00:27:37,103 --> 00:27:40,782
A fellow in your position cannot
be seen drinking from a mug.
438
00:27:40,783 --> 00:27:43,184
Imagine
if one of the maids came in and saw.
439
00:27:45,304 --> 00:27:49,984
Here. Chin chin.
Chin chin, my lord.
440
00:27:55,464 --> 00:28:00,023
Oh, I say, isn't that, erm, Baxter?
441
00:28:00,024 --> 00:28:01,664
I believe it is, my lord.
442
00:28:01,665 --> 00:28:03,423
Motorcycle not working?
443
00:28:03,424 --> 00:28:05,663
It would appear not, my lord.
444
00:28:05,664 --> 00:28:09,063
Oh. Taxi not available?
445
00:28:09,064 --> 00:28:12,423
The taxi declined to convey
Mr Baxter
446
00:28:12,424 --> 00:28:16,423
on account of the terrible pong.
Pong?
447
00:28:16,424 --> 00:28:20,863
Mr Baxter's over-acquaintance
with your lordship's manure.
448
00:28:20,864 --> 00:28:24,864
Not mine, Horse, mostly.
449
00:28:26,064 --> 00:28:29,503
Oh, poor Baxter.
450
00:28:29,504 --> 00:28:31,384
Ruddy goggle-faced weasel.
451
00:28:43,967 --> 00:29:08,480
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