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There is a crazy
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flu going around.
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Lots of miserable,
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dehydrated people with
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high fevers and diarrhea.
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And one of those
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dehydrated, high-fevered,
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miserable people is April.
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Who hates me.
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I want another nurse.
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Well, there are none.
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We're stretched
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pretty thin right now.
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Then, I want a janitor.
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They can do
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what you do, right?
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Yep. Nurses and janitors
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are totally interchangeable.
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Except no one
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dresses up like a janitor
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when they want to be slutty.
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I get the sense that
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maybe you're angry at me
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for kissing Andy.
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No, I'm not.
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What are you talking about?
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That's crazy.
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And that you think
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it might be fun to
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take it out on me.
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Please don't do that.
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Do? I can't do anything.
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I'm sick.
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My blankets are on the floor.
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So, JJ, we wanted to
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talk to you about
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the Harvest Festival.
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Yeah, I heard you
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were bringing that back.
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Sorry, I haven't
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been feeling myself.
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Well, I'm organizing
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this huge Harvest Festival
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and I need at least
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80 local businesses
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to participate.
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And normally this
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is the kind of thing
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I would love to do.
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But, I'm just
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feeling really tired.
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I think maybe my
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allergies are acting up.
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I've already vomited,
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like, five times today.
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We're having a meeting
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tonight at the Chamber
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of Commerce
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and we're going to go
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over all the details.
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And we'd just love
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if you could come
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and join us.
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Sure.
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Anything for my
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favorite customer.
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I bet you say that
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to all the girls.
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Oh, no.
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No, actually,
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you're my favorite.
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You spent over
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$1,000 last year
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on waffles alone.
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Here.
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I didn't know
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what to bring you,
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so I just got some
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magazines and lipstick.
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Woman stuff.
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Thanks. All my parents
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got me was that.
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Okay. Well, I'm not
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very good at visiting
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people in hospitals,
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so I'm going to go.
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Hey. If you see Andy,
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will you not
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tell him I'm here?
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Okay.
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Because of what happened,
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I don't want
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him to think...
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Stop!
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Don't want to know.
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The less I know about
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other people's affairs,
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the happier I am.
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I'm not interested in
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caring about people.
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I once worked with
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a guy for three years
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and never learned his name.
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Best friend I ever had.
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We still
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never talk sometimes.
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So, we've developed
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a revenue sharing formula
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that will hopefully
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appeal to most
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business owners, but...
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Leslie.
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Go home. You're sick.
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I'm not sick.
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It's just allergies.
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Come on, guys.
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Just let me in there.
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No.
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You can't come in here.
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You're not coming in.
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Leslie, you look tired
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and you're all sweaty.
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You look tired and
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you're all sweaty
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all the time.
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What's your excuse?
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You want to go there, Jerry?
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No.
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Fine,
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I'm coming in.
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Donna, barricade
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the door now.
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Donna, come on.
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Just let me in.
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Mmm-mmm.
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Either go home or go
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back into quarantine.
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I'm not going home.
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Get out of here,
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Leslie. Go home.
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Hit the bricks.
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Come on. No, no,
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no, no, no, no. She's
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germing up all my stuff.
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Aw, yuck!
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Leslie!
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Ann Perkins.
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Hey. How was your run?
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Ended with
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a five-and-a-half minute
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mile. My personal low.
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I think the pavement
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in this town is soft.
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What's with the mask?
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Flu prevention.
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My body is finely-tuned,
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like a microchip,
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and the flu is
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like a grain of sand.
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It could literally shut
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down the entire system.
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My body's like a chip, too.
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A potato chip.
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No.
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Speaking of potato chips,
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you and I are on for
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dinner tomorrow, yes?
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Yes. Definitely.
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I'm super, super excited.
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Looking forward to it.
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Excellent.
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Way to go, buddy.
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Way to go.
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We've been on
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a couple of dates.
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I really like him.
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The problem is
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he's like a perfect human man.
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I can't find one flaw.
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There was one time
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I thought he farted.
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But it was me.
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I need to find someone
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to fill in for April.
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Now, I know I'm not
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going to find someone
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who's both aggressively
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mean and apathetic.
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April really is
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the whole package.
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But I think
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I might know someone
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who will be just
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as ineffective.
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Hello, Andrew.
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What's new?
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A whole lot!
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Check this out.
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I just invented it.
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Super-straw.
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So, just sit here
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and do your thing.
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Do I have to tuck
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my shirt in?
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Because, honestly,
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that's kind of a deal breaker.
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Let it fly.
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Hey, wait. Where is April?
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Is she all right?
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Yeah.
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I just gave her the day off.
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Would it be weird
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if I asked for the day off?
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Yeah, no, it's okay.
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I didn't think so.
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I'm sorry. Are you leaving?
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I thought we had a meeting.
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No, we do. It's just
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I think it's
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a little chilly in here.
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Are you okay?
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Your eyes are glassy.
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, my... Is she...
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Is she sick? Are you sick?
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No.
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Yeah! She's sick.
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That's why I'm wearing this,
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and misting myself
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with hand sanitizer.
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I am not sick.
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I just have allergies, okay?
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I took a Claritin
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and I threw that up,
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so I took another one.
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I threw that up.
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And then, I took
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a third and it stayed down.
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I'm getting better.
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All right.
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You're burning up.
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You're burning up. What?
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I have to get
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out of here.
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I have 2.8% body fat.
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My body is like a microchip.
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A grain of sand
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could destroy it.
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My body's a microchip.
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Leslie, go home.
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No, I can't.
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I can't go home.
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I have to get ready
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for the Chamber of Secrets.
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Commerce.
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If this meeting
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does not go perfectly,
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then the Harvest Festival
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is going to be over
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before it begins.
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I cannot go home.
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Okay, then,
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who's your doctor?
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Ann's my doctor.
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And she's
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the most beautiful nurse
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in the world.
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Come on.
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Oh, God. Now, I'm hot.
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Now, it's really hot in here.
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Okay, well,
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that's your fever.
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Leslie, I typed your symptoms
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into the thing up here,
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and it says you could
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have "network
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connectivity problems".
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104.1.
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Leslie, you're dehydrated.
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I'm admitting you.
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If I was sick,
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could I do this?
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What are
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you doing?
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Cartwheels.
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Am I not doing them?
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No.
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Look, don't worry.
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I've done presentations
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like this before,
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and Tom will be with me.
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So, you're in good hands.
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It's not that
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I don't trust Ben.
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It's that I don't
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have faith in Ben.
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And, also, I'm starting
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to forget who Ben is.
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I'll handle
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the general outline.
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If you want to...
302
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,030
Look.
303
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,030
...just jump right in.
304
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,560
The worst thing you can do
305
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,560
with an important
306
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,560
presentation like this
307
00:07:18,630 --> 00:07:19,620
is over-prepare.
308
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,170
Well...
309
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,170
So,
310
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,900
I think it's best
311
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,900
if I go to the spa.
312
00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:25,940
No, we promised Leslie
313
00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:25,940
we'd prep for the meeting.
314
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,600
No, Ben. You promised Leslie.
315
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,840
See, I never
316
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,840
promise Leslie anything.
317
00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:32,140
That way,
318
00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:32,140
I never disappoint her.
319
00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:33,200
I try to be considerate.
320
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:39,620
Well, I am off for a soak
321
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:39,620
and a schvitz. Arrivederch.
322
00:07:46,130 --> 00:07:47,990
Ron Swanson's office.
323
00:07:49,530 --> 00:07:51,660
Yes, I will transfer you.
324
00:07:57,370 --> 00:07:58,770
I just dropped another call.
325
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,950
I thought you might like
326
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,950
a fresh set of pillows.
327
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:09,310
Are you trying
328
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:09,310
to smother me?
329
00:08:09,650 --> 00:08:11,450
Help! This slutty nurse
330
00:08:09,650 --> 00:08:11,450
is trying to
331
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,390
smother me to death
332
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,390
with a pillow!
333
00:08:13,990 --> 00:08:15,220
Okay, never mind.
334
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,620
Stay back, slut!
335
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,530
I know what
336
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,530
she's trying to do.
337
00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:20,090
She's trying to
338
00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:20,090
get me to break.
339
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,190
And you know what?
340
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,190
I'm not going to do it.
341
00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:24,960
I'm going to be professional
342
00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:24,960
and I'm going to
343
00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:24,960
put on a happy face.
344
00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:26,760
And then, I'm going to
345
00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:26,760
go into a supply closet
346
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,100
and snap a bunch of
347
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,100
tongue depressors.
348
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,900
Okay. So,
349
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,900
let's talk about
350
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,900
your opening remarks.
351
00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:34,570
Do you want me to
352
00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:34,570
write you a rap?
353
00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:34,570
I'll write you a rap.
354
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:35,630
No, you know what?
355
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:37,710
You're never going to
356
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:37,710
be able to pull it off.
357
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:37,710
You're too white.
358
00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:38,800
How about a show tune
359
00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:38,800
or something?
360
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:43,340
I was just planning
361
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:43,340
to introduce myself,
362
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:43,340
non-musically,
363
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:45,680
and then, get everyone
364
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:45,680
to refer to their packets.
365
00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:47,620
And blah, blah, blah.
366
00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:47,620
No.
367
00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:49,920
No "blah, blah, blah", okay?
368
00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:51,760
You need to go over
369
00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:51,760
every single detail with me.
370
00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:55,820
Leslie, I promise you
371
00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:55,820
I won't half-ass this.
372
00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:55,820
Okay? Now, get some rest.
373
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:58,160
I have some great news.
374
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:58,160
I think my fever just broke.
375
00:08:58,230 --> 00:08:59,220
Goodbye.
376
00:09:06,310 --> 00:09:07,300
It just came out.
377
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,480
I am starving.
378
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,480
I haven't had lunch
379
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,480
since yesterday.
380
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,070
So, I'm going to
381
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,070
head over to Callahan's.
382
00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:15,840
Oh, no, no, no.
383
00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:15,840
Don't go there. They
384
00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:15,840
totally skimp on pickles.
385
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,910
Let me go to Big
386
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,910
Head Joe's for you.
387
00:09:18,050 --> 00:09:20,080
They have
388
00:09:18,050 --> 00:09:20,080
the most insane burritos.
389
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,450
I don't much go
390
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,450
for ethnic food.
391
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,290
No, trust me. They have
392
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,290
one that's called
393
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,290
the "Meat Tornado".
394
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:27,590
It literally
395
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:27,590
killed a guy last year.
396
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,990
You had me
397
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,990
at "Meat Tornado".
398
00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:35,400
What are you doing?
399
00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:36,660
Hey. That flu
400
00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:36,660
medicine really helped.
401
00:09:36,740 --> 00:09:39,710
I feel
402
00:09:36,740 --> 00:09:39,710
a thousand percent better.
403
00:09:36,740 --> 00:09:39,710
Good as new.
404
00:09:39,770 --> 00:09:40,760
Does this scarf look okay?
405
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,710
I don't want to look stuffy.
406
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,710
But I also don't want
407
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,710
to look too "schlubby".
408
00:09:43,780 --> 00:09:45,640
Get back in that bed.
409
00:09:43,780 --> 00:09:45,640
So no to the scarf?
410
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:47,010
Get back in the bed.
411
00:09:47,150 --> 00:09:48,480
No, I'm going
412
00:09:47,150 --> 00:09:48,480
to that meeting.
413
00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:51,150
Either you get
414
00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:51,150
back in the bed,
415
00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:51,150
or I will strap you down.
416
00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:53,920
I've done it before.
417
00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:53,920
Don't test me.
418
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,230
Okay, okay, okay.
419
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,230
Now, what superpower
420
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,230
would you rather have?
421
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:06,360
Would you rather
422
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:06,360
be able to fly
423
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:06,360
or be invisible?
424
00:10:06,470 --> 00:10:08,030
Ed, go first.
425
00:10:08,170 --> 00:10:09,760
Fly, I guess.
426
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,200
I forgot to tell you.
427
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,200
You can only fly five feet
428
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,200
above the ground.
429
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,410
I bring a certain
430
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,410
panache and spice
431
00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:18,680
to the spa experience
432
00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:18,680
for these guys.
433
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:20,840
Before I joined,
434
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:20,840
they were just
435
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:20,840
three old white dudes
436
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,280
quietly boiling in hot water.
437
00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:28,450
Would you rather
438
00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:28,450
live in the pocket
439
00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:28,450
of a giant kangaroo
440
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:32,650
or have a pocket
441
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:32,650
on your own stomach
442
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:35,550
that has a tiny kangaroo
443
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:35,550
in it all the time?
444
00:10:35,630 --> 00:10:36,720
Preston.
445
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,360
Tiny kangaroo in
446
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,360
my stomach pocket.
447
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:42,430
Forgot to mention,
448
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:42,430
the tiny kangaroo
449
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:42,430
is a racist.
450
00:10:46,170 --> 00:10:48,110
Hey, Ann.
451
00:10:46,170 --> 00:10:48,110
What happened?
452
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,840
I just saw you
453
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,840
a few hours ago,
454
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:50,840
and you were fine.
455
00:10:50,910 --> 00:10:54,580
Not like,
456
00:10:50,910 --> 00:10:54,580
"Damn, you're fine,"
457
00:10:50,910 --> 00:10:54,580
but fine health-wise.
458
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,880
My body has no fat
459
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,880
to protect itself
460
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,880
from disease.
461
00:10:56,950 --> 00:10:59,010
Things happen very quickly.
462
00:10:56,950 --> 00:10:59,010
Listen to me.
463
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:02,890
It's very important that
464
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:02,890
you replenish my body
465
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:02,890
with electrolytes
466
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,620
after every involuntary
467
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,620
loss of bodily fluids.
468
00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:06,960
Oh, boy.
469
00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:06,960
My body tends to lose
470
00:11:07,030 --> 00:11:09,790
a lot of fluids
471
00:11:07,030 --> 00:11:09,790
when it's sick.
472
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:11,990
My brain is on fire.
473
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:11,990
I'm dying.
474
00:11:12,870 --> 00:11:14,960
Well, you definitely
475
00:11:12,870 --> 00:11:14,960
have the flu.
476
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,130
Oh, my God.
477
00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:19,600
The microchip has
478
00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:19,600
been compromised.
479
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:23,310
Pierre Garcon was
480
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:23,310
a sixth-round pick.
481
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,700
Collie was the fourth round.
482
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:29,310
Indianapolis Colts
483
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:29,310
know how to draft so well.
484
00:11:29,380 --> 00:11:30,410
They really do.
485
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,450
Andy, this was delicious.
486
00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:34,990
It's awesome, huh?
487
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:38,380
It's a whole new
488
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:38,380
meat delivery system.
489
00:11:38,460 --> 00:11:39,860
Thank you, son.
490
00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:41,760
What do you say we go
491
00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:41,760
out to the parking lot,
492
00:11:41,830 --> 00:11:43,960
run a few pass plays
493
00:11:41,830 --> 00:11:43,960
to burn off the calories?
494
00:11:44,030 --> 00:11:47,160
You are an unstoppable
495
00:11:44,030 --> 00:11:47,160
good idea machine!
496
00:11:48,570 --> 00:11:50,060
I like Andy.
497
00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:53,610
I'm surrounded
498
00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:53,610
by a lot of women
499
00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:53,610
in this department.
500
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,080
And that includes the men.
501
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,270
Hup, hup, hup!
502
00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:02,950
Peyton Manning
503
00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:02,950
reading the defense!
504
00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:02,950
Reggie Wayne, Colts corner!
505
00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:13,090
Andy, wait up!
506
00:12:16,060 --> 00:12:17,050
Hey, April.
507
00:12:17,130 --> 00:12:19,430
I saw that you called
508
00:12:17,130 --> 00:12:19,430
for me. What can
509
00:12:17,130 --> 00:12:19,430
I do for you?
510
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:21,330
I need more flu medicine.
511
00:12:21,470 --> 00:12:23,300
An actual request.
512
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:27,510
Well, you can't have any.
513
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:27,510
That stuff is powerful,
514
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:27,510
no extra doses.
515
00:12:27,610 --> 00:12:28,980
I didn't take any.
516
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,980
Leslie came in here
517
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,980
and stole it and left.
518
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,980
Leslie? Leslie!
519
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,310
Hey, have you seen Leslie?
520
00:12:40,390 --> 00:12:41,880
I had a dream
521
00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:44,190
that she came
522
00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:44,190
into this room,
523
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:48,030
stole my flu medicine,
524
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:48,030
told me not to tell you,
525
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,120
and then disappeared
526
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,120
through that hole
527
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,120
in the wall.
528
00:12:50,730 --> 00:12:51,830
The door?
529
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:54,500
Maybe we should
530
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:54,500
get, like, a suite
531
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:54,500
here for them, okay?
532
00:12:54,570 --> 00:12:56,500
Ben Wyatt! Hello!
533
00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:57,900
Hi, Leslie.
534
00:12:57,970 --> 00:12:59,440
Good to see you.
535
00:12:57,970 --> 00:12:59,440
You, too.
536
00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:01,810
Wow, you're really burning up.
537
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,810
Can I get some money
538
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,810
for the cab that I took
539
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,810
over here, please?
540
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:05,870
Sure. How much?
541
00:13:06,010 --> 00:13:07,040
I'm not sure.
542
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,380
I looked at the meter,
543
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,380
and it had Egyptian
544
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,380
hieroglyphics on it.
545
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,010
Wow.
546
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,010
Do you know the
547
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,010
exchange rate?
548
00:13:12,850 --> 00:13:14,050
So should we do this?
549
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,390
Oh, boy. Hold on.
550
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,080
Be careful.
551
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,080
What?
552
00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:20,720
The floor and
553
00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:20,720
the wall just switched.
554
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,400
Okay.
555
00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:24,970
Walk very carefully.
556
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,080
You know, I find it
557
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,080
a little insulting
558
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:36,680
that you don't
559
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:36,680
trust me to handle this.
560
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,210
It's not that
561
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,210
I don't trust you, okay?
562
00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:44,310
It's just this Harvest
563
00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:44,310
Festival is my project.
564
00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:44,310
It's my career on the line.
565
00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:46,280
And I just need
566
00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:46,280
to make sure that
567
00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:47,950
I've done everything
568
00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:47,950
I can to make it work.
569
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:52,550
Okay. It's show time.
570
00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:54,120
Okay.
571
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:58,270
Good evening, everyone.
572
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:58,270
I'm Leslie Monster.
573
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:58,270
And this is Nightline.
574
00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:00,730
Okay, I wouldn't
575
00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:00,730
open with that.
576
00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:00,730
No?
577
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,600
Why don't we sit down. Okay?
578
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,600
Yep.
579
00:14:03,270 --> 00:14:06,440
Libertarianism is all
580
00:14:03,270 --> 00:14:06,440
about individual liberty.
581
00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:10,240
And it should never be
582
00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:10,240
defined by the terms
583
00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:10,240
"liberal" or "conservative."
584
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:13,650
And communism is
585
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:13,650
no good, right?
586
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:13,650
That's right.
587
00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:15,340
Big swing and a miss.
588
00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:18,280
And what's the word
589
00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:18,280
for when a few clerics
590
00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:18,280
are in charge?
591
00:14:19,350 --> 00:14:20,340
Religious oligarchy.
592
00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:21,480
Holy...
593
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:23,880
I can remember things.
594
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,080
I guess.
595
00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:27,750
Hey, keep mine rare.
596
00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:30,320
A man after my own heart.
597
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,630
I vomited
598
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,630
somewhere in this room.
599
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,100
I don't remember
600
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,100
where, though.
601
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,640
Wait. You might want
602
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,640
to check that drawer.
603
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,480
Stop pooping.
604
00:14:46,350 --> 00:14:48,180
You have to get up
605
00:14:46,350 --> 00:14:48,180
off the floor now.
606
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:50,220
This floor is my friend.
607
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:52,790
Nothing like
608
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:52,790
a complete
609
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:52,790
physical breakdown
610
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,290
to make a guy seem
611
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,290
less intimidating.
612
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:56,760
I love the flu.
613
00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:58,190
And then I said,
614
00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:58,190
"You know what?
615
00:14:58,260 --> 00:15:00,960
"I think we need
616
00:14:58,260 --> 00:15:00,960
to get these bananas
617
00:14:58,260 --> 00:15:00,960
out of here."
618
00:15:02,930 --> 00:15:03,990
Have a seat, boys.
619
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,900
Oh, hey, Tom,
620
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,900
glad you could make it.
621
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:08,400
You have a nice day
622
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:08,400
with your spa buddies?
623
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:10,230
Actually, yes, Ben,
624
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:10,230
I did.
625
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:13,710
And my spa buddies
626
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:13,710
own a couple of car
627
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:13,710
dealerships in town,
628
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:17,610
and they've agreed to
629
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:17,610
donate a fleet of vehicles
630
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:17,610
for Harvest Festival,
631
00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:20,540
twenty-five vans
632
00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:20,540
for the entire event.
633
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,810
Okay, Tom, I'm ready.
634
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,810
Get up there
635
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,810
and introduce me.
636
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:24,110
You got it.
637
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:25,180
I can't let you
638
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:25,180
do this, Leslie.
639
00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:27,950
Hey, this ain't
640
00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:27,950
your call, McCluskey.
641
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:32,490
Hey, Ron,
642
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:32,490
can I ask you a question?
643
00:15:33,060 --> 00:15:34,150
Sure.
644
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,420
It's about April.
645
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,130
I don't like to get involved
646
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,130
in people's personal...
647
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,760
I hurt her feelings,
648
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,760
and now she's pissed at me.
649
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,470
I feel like if I
650
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,470
could just explain myself,
651
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,470
she'd understand,
652
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:46,630
but she's avoiding me.
653
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:48,800
It's making me miserable.
654
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:54,480
April's in the hospital,
655
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:54,480
sick with the flu.
656
00:15:54,550 --> 00:15:57,020
What? I knew it!
657
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,180
I didn't know that.
658
00:15:58,250 --> 00:15:59,240
Is she okay?
659
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,380
Yeah, she's fine.
660
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,620
You can go visit her
661
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,620
tomorrow morning. But
662
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,620
don't tell her I told you.
663
00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:04,680
I won't.
664
00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:07,820
No, no, no. Nope.
665
00:16:08,530 --> 00:16:09,620
Okay.
666
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:14,890
Before we get started,
667
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:14,890
a quick announcement.
668
00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:17,840
Every Thursday night
669
00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:17,840
is ladies' night
670
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:20,470
down at the Snakehole Lounge
671
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:20,470
over on Burnham Avenue.
672
00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:23,670
Ladies get two drinks
673
00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:23,670
for the price of one.
674
00:16:24,380 --> 00:16:26,510
Oh, no,
675
00:16:24,380 --> 00:16:26,510
that can't be right.
676
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:27,780
That's way too
677
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:27,780
good of a deal.
678
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:32,620
Nope.
679
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:32,620
That is what it says. Wow.
680
00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:34,090
That sounds like
681
00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:34,090
a fun time.
682
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,890
Anyway,
683
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,890
it is now my great honor
684
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,890
to welcome to the stage
685
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,990
the woman responsible
686
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,990
for the entire
687
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,990
Harvest Festival.
688
00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:42,930
Ladies and gentlemen,
689
00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:42,930
Leslie Knope!
690
00:16:56,210 --> 00:16:59,150
Every one of you,
691
00:16:56,210 --> 00:16:59,150
just by showing up
692
00:16:56,210 --> 00:16:59,150
here tonight,
693
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:01,010
has already made history.
694
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:05,550
In days past,
695
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:05,550
the Harvest Festival
696
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:05,550
was the cornerstone
697
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:08,120
of Pawnee's
698
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:08,120
small-business community,
699
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:09,920
a weeklong showcase
700
00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:12,960
for everything from
701
00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:12,960
textiles to small farms.
702
00:17:13,090 --> 00:17:16,830
By our estimates,
703
00:17:13,090 --> 00:17:16,830
as many as 30,000 people
704
00:17:13,090 --> 00:17:16,830
might attend the festival,
705
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:18,130
and the monetary value
706
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,860
of that kind of direct
707
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,860
customer-to-business exposure
708
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,960
is, frankly, incalculable.
709
00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:26,800
What?
710
00:17:26,870 --> 00:17:29,310
Three, two, one.
711
00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:30,680
And my shift's over.
712
00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:32,610
What the
713
00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:32,610
is your problem?
714
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,210
Whoa, I thought you
715
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,210
weren't gonna lose it.
716
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,410
While I was on duty,
717
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,410
I didn't. Now it's just me.
718
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,820
I get that you're mad that
719
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,820
I kissed Andy, okay?
720
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,620
But it was
721
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,620
a moment of confusion,
722
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,620
and it was a mistake.
723
00:17:41,690 --> 00:17:43,180
And I'm very sorry.
724
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:44,490
You want to hate me forever?
725
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,030
Okay.
726
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,030
Fine!
727
00:17:46,090 --> 00:17:47,490
You know what?
728
00:17:46,090 --> 00:17:47,490
I don't care.
729
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:48,620
But you shouldn't
730
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:48,620
take it out on Andy,
731
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:51,500
because he really likes you,
732
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:51,500
and he did nothing wrong.
733
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,540
And just for the record,
734
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,540
I'm starting to hate you, too.
735
00:17:57,470 --> 00:17:59,460
That's the most
736
00:17:57,470 --> 00:17:59,460
I've ever liked Ann.
737
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,970
The time is now.
738
00:18:02,340 --> 00:18:04,110
The place is Pawnee.
739
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,550
Let's make history.
740
00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:10,510
Thank you.
741
00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:10,510
That was amazing.
742
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:15,020
That was
743
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:15,020
a flu-ridden Michael Jordan
744
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:15,020
at the '97 NBA finals.
745
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:18,320
That was Kirk Gibson
746
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:18,320
hobbling up to the plate
747
00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:20,290
and hitting a homer
748
00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:20,290
off of Dennis Eckersley.
749
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:21,730
That was...
750
00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:25,530
That was Leslie Knope.
751
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,130
Thank you so much.
752
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,130
Any questions?
753
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:30,130
Yes, sir?
754
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,770
Are we going to get
755
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,770
the same sales-tax
756
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,770
incentives we used to?
757
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,470
That's a very
758
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,470
good question, sir,
759
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:38,380
and I would counter
760
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:38,380
with my own question,
761
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:38,380
which is,
762
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,240
why is half of
763
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,240
your face all swirly?
764
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,840
Okay, unfortunately,
765
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,650
Leslie has another
766
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,650
very important
767
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,650
meeting right now.
768
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,850
So if you have
769
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,850
any other questions,
770
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,750
you can just
771
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,750
direct them towards me.
772
00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:51,990
Give it up, everybody,
773
00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:51,990
for Scott Bakula
774
00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:51,990
from Quantum Leap.
775
00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:54,190
All right. Okay, let's...
776
00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:56,130
Excuse me.
777
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,560
And to answer
778
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,560
your question, sir,
779
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:00,330
there will be sales-tax
780
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:00,330
incentives this year.
781
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,890
I think I should
782
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,890
drive you to the hospital.
783
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:03,770
Was I wearing a tiara
784
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:03,770
when I came in here?
785
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,270
Because if you
786
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,270
happen upon it,
787
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:08,470
will you have Lady Pennyface
788
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:08,470
retrieve it and
789
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:08,470
send it post-hence?
790
00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:13,750
Oh, hey.
791
00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:13,750
Hey, there.
792
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,810
I got you some waffles here,
793
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,810
courtesy of JJ's diner,
794
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,320
and chicken soup,
795
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,320
courtesy of me.
796
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,250
I'll take the waffles.
797
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,250
Thank you.
798
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,250
Okay.
799
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:27,330
So how did the rest
800
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:27,330
of the meeting go?
801
00:19:27,430 --> 00:19:30,920
Well, you said you
802
00:19:27,430 --> 00:19:30,920
needed eighty total
803
00:19:27,430 --> 00:19:30,920
businesses to participate.
804
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:32,230
Yeah.
805
00:19:32,370 --> 00:19:33,490
We have 110,
806
00:19:33,930 --> 00:19:34,990
and counting.
807
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,330
So, nice work, Leslie.
808
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,310
Nice work to you too.
809
00:19:40,010 --> 00:19:41,670
Left the chicken soup there,
810
00:19:40,010 --> 00:19:41,670
just in case.
811
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,240
It's an old family recipe.
812
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,240
It's not a big deal, but...
813
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,610
Thank you for that.
814
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,610
Okay.
815
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,310
Hi, April.
816
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,310
It's me, Andy.
817
00:19:57,290 --> 00:19:59,020
Just stay sleeping.
818
00:19:59,190 --> 00:20:02,190
I am going to be here
819
00:19:59,190 --> 00:20:02,190
when you wake up.
820
00:20:03,130 --> 00:20:05,220
I will not leave your side.
821
00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:13,770
You could be asleep for hours.
822
00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:13,770
Maybe I'll come back later.
823
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,640
Hope you feel better. Okay.
824
00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:21,280
And I know you think
825
00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:21,280
that I'm a jerk, but
826
00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:21,280
I hope you can forgive me.
827
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,950
Gross. Your forehead
828
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,950
is all sweaty. That's gross.
829
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,650
But I still like you. Okay.
830
00:20:33,390 --> 00:20:34,690
That's disgusting.
831
00:20:43,270 --> 00:20:44,400
Got your message.
832
00:20:43,270 --> 00:20:44,400
What's up?
833
00:20:44,470 --> 00:20:46,600
I got a call from
834
00:20:44,470 --> 00:20:46,600
the boys upstairs.
835
00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:48,400
And they have a new
836
00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:48,400
assignment for us.
837
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,570
Okay.
838
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,570
Yeah.
839
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:53,380
And I feel like
840
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:53,380
we should ask for
841
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:53,380
an extension to stay here.
842
00:20:53,450 --> 00:20:54,440
Yes, definitely.
843
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,810
You know,
844
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,810
the festival thing's
845
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,810
getting pretty huge,
846
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,550
and a couple loose ends
847
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,550
that need tying up.
848
00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:01,650
Good, so I'll
849
00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:01,650
make the call then,
850
00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:01,650
to get the extension?
851
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,350
Yeah, they need our help.
852
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,350
For the loose ends.
853
00:21:03,420 --> 00:21:04,410
Great.
854
00:21:03,420 --> 00:21:04,410
Good.
855
00:21:04,490 --> 00:21:06,290
Okay, you need
856
00:21:04,490 --> 00:21:06,290
a ride back to the office?
857
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,420
No, no, I'm gonna
858
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,420
go for a light 15k.
859
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,420
I missed yesterday.
860
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:12,720
Way to go, buddy.
861
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:12,720
Way to go.
46419
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