Original subtitles

Giddyup! Giddyup!

Meet Leslie Knope.

I am the pants queen!

Leslie loves whipped cream,

dancing with friends,

and working hard for the Parks

Department of Pawnee, Indiana.

Cut it out, Tom.

It never gets old.

She also loves her coworkers

at City Hall.

Ron Swanson.

Tom Haverford.

Tommy Timberlake.

April Ludgate.

My mom is Puerto Rican.

That's why I'm so

lively and colorful.

And Andy Dwyer.

Nailed it.

April and Andy

like each other.

But when Andy accidentally

kissed his ex-girlfriend,

Ann Perkins,

April left.

Wait. April!

And he hasn't seen her since.

In the midst of all this love,

two black hats rode into town.

Scientists believe that the

first human being

who will live 150 years

has already been born.

I believe I am

that human being.

And they brought with them

some disturbing news.

Effective tomorrow morning,

the entire government

will be shut down

until further notice.

What will Leslie do next?

Will April and Andy make up

and make out?

Find out this season

on Parks and Recreation.

Starting right now.

Ron. We're back.

Bully.

The bankrupt

government of Pawnee has been

shut down all summer,

so it's been three months

of no work, no meetings,

no memos, no late

nights, nothing.

I wouldn't wish it on

my worst enemy.

Rounding up the

team, so exciting.

I have goose

bumps. Feel.

And that's why they call

me Prince Charming.

Because I always find

the glass slipper for

my Cinderella.

These are way too tight.

Well, the real Cinderella

didn't have hippo feet.

Tom, we're back.

Jeremy! Suck it!

By the way, I've been

giving away free sports bras

to the girls at Hot Dog

on a Stick.

Look, we can dance all day,

but it's time to step up.

Are you buying 4,000 rubber

nipples from me or not?

D, you have a visitor.

We back?

We're back.

All right.

Jerry.

Oh, my gosh. Look

who's here. Leslie.

The nightmare's over, Jerry.

We're going back to work.

You're not going to

need this anymore.

Come on!

I called shotgun.

Everybody heard me.

Well, I am usually

not one for speeches.

So, goodbye.

Break's over, mofos.

Okay. Here's the situation.

We are operating on a

shoestring budget.

Park services have

been slashed.

But we are all still here.

And we have a job to do.

Make the world's

biggest pizza.

No, make this town fun

for the people who live here.

Fine, but after that,

the pizza is our top priority.

No, it's not.

We're getting pizza?

April, hey, it's me,

Andy Dwyer.

This is like the 200th

message I've left you,

without a response.

So, if you're trying to

tell me something,

I do not know what it is

because you won't

call me back.

It is truly great to

see all of you, huh?

It's great news!

Okay. I have to run. Ben.

The bad news,

which I get to

deliver, is this.

Your only work for the

time being will be

existing park maintenance.

So, that just

means that we're in

maintenance mode.

Yeah!

Jerry!

Okay. See, I've spent

the last few months

brainstorming.

And I have some really

great ideas and I put them

in my idea binders.

I mean, they're color coded,

for God's sake.

Okay. Actually, yeah.

There is one thing that

you will be doing.

Apparently, in Indiana, if you

don't provide a basketball

league, people get very upset.

And quite frankly,

throw things at you and

call you names.

Like Turd-boy. Whatever.

The point is I reinstated

youth basketball. Okay?

It says here you only

have money for two teams?

Yeah. They're going to

develop a great rivalry.

Under my tutelage,

you will grow from

boys into men,

from men into gladiators,

and from gladiators

into Swansons.

Behold!

The Swanson Pyramid

of Greatness.

I've been developing

the Swanson Pyramid of

Greatness for years.

It's a perfectly calibrated

recipe for maximum

personal achievement.

Categories include...

Capitalism. God's way of

determining who is smart,

and who is poor.

Crying. Acceptable at

funerals and the

Grand Canyon.

Rage. Poise. Property rights.

Fish, for sport only,

not for meat.

Fish meat is practically

a vegetable.

Haircuts. There are three

acceptable haircuts.

High and tight. Crew cut.

Buzz cut.

Are the scissors broken

in your house, son?

So, are you happy

to be back at work?

Well, our budget's been

slashed to zero.

I tried to buy

fertilizer the other day

for the soccer field.

Request denied.

We literally can't buy...

I'm so sorry.

No. I mean, look,

when we were kids,

the Parks Department

would do these big projects.

Winter Jamboree,

the Harvest Festival.

It's like they don't have

faith in us anymore.

I'm not a paper pusher, Ann.

I need to be out in

the streets, planting trees

and cracking skulls.

Leslie Knope. Ann Perkins.

How are my two favorite

people in this entire town?

Not good, Chris.

There was a whole line

of people in my office

complaining that all

their programs have

been slashed.

Yeah, I know, it's terrible.

Is there anything we can

do about that?

No.

Damn! Sorry, Leslie.

Ann, could I talk to

you for a minute?

So, how's it going?

Save it. Okay? I know you

don't have faith in me

and my department,

and that's fine.

But don't expect me

to sit here and

chitchat with you.

All right. Fair enough.

Go the other way.

But I'm just going to that...

All right, I'll...

Look. I'm very flattered.

But again, I don't think

I should go out with you.

Can I ask you why not?

Because I thought we had

a great time the night you

got drunk and kissed me.

And you did use

your tongue.

I just don't think I'm

in a place to go out

with anyone right now.

Okay. Well, if you change

your mind, you know where to

find me, Ann Perkins.

Leslie Knope.

Yes.

Did he ask

you out again?

He did. He did.

He is nothing if

not persistent.

And hot. He's very...

He's pretty hot.

Yeah, he's hot.

But he's intense.

But he's really,

really hot.

But he's your boss.

Oh, my God. I just thought

of an idea of how we can

save the Parks Department.

Great.

Let me ask you

one question.

Would you be cool

doing things that

a prostitute does?

Minus the money?

Definitely yes, then.

Thanks, Ann.

Looking sharp. Beautiful.

The backboard is your friend.

I'd say my coaching

style is centered

around fundamentals,

with an emphasis on fun.

Hey, watch this.

Go get it.

Yeah!

And a second emphasis

on mental.

Yeah, it can be hard work.

But every time I look one

of these kids in the eyes and

he calls me Coach...

That's how I know I

agreed to be a coach.

Mouse Rat!

Carnage!

Okay, gentlemen.

It's time for the

pre-game coin toss.

There's no coin toss

in basketball. Are those

women's sneakers?

Yes, they are, Ron.

You know what?

They fit better, I got

an employee discount,

and the best part is

no one can tell.

All right, let's do this.

Match point. Touchdown.

Et cetera.

Yeah. Go, Lightning.

All right.

Okay. I like what you're

wearing, but I need

it to be 300% sexier.

Do you have any of

those shirts that

look wet all the time?

Or, like, a

metal bikini?

You know what's always

sexy? Fingerless gloves.

What about if I wear this

normal, sane outfit?

Yeah. Okay, but you're

going to have to eat

something sexy, then.

Like a banana.

For dinner?

Well, what's sexy

food? Asparagus?

No, you know what's sexy?

Turkey chili.

Yeah.

And how exactly am I

supposed to casually

steer the conversation

towards the Parks

Department budget?

Okay. It's totally easy.

Tell you what. You be Chris.

I'll be you. I'll show you

how it's done.

Okay.

Ann Perkins. You are

wonderful and amazing and I'm

happy to be here with you.

Thank you, Chris. I'm wearing

a tuxedo vest with no shirt

on underneath.

Can I get you a drink?

I love every single

beverage in the world.

I would like some wine.

And... Oops, my vest

popped open.

Just like the budget

needs to pop open

and you need to pour it

into my Parks Department.

Great.

I am so excited that

you finally agreed

to go out with me.

What a magnificent

flip-flop.

You're a magnificent

asker-outer.

Tell me every single

detail of your day.

I love dates.

I love connecting with

someone. I love engaging them.

I love being surprised

by them. I have never

had a bad date.

They've all been either great

or phenomenally great.

Nurses are the most

undervalued members

of our society by far.

I think all of you

should make as much money

as the CEO of Google.

Wow. Thank you. I agree.

Can I ask you a question?

Why am I so positive

all the time?

Yes, that's exactly

the question.

I was born with a

blood disorder.

And my parents were told that

I had three weeks to live.

And here I still am,

some 2,000-odd weeks later,

and I have enjoyed

every one of them.

I think it's going well.

He's actually a really

nice guy.

Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah. Okay. So, have you

asked him yet about the money?

It's a date, you know?

It's kind of hard to casually

bring up the Parks budget

when you're talking about

your favorite movies.

Jurassic Park.

Parks are so great. The Parks

Department needs money.

I just did it in three moves.

Well, then, why don't you just

come here and do it yourself?

Okay.

Holy crap!

What? Chris and Ann,

what are you two

doing here?

We are on a date.

And it is going

phenomenally.

Thanks, but I'll stay

for just one drink.

I am so happy I ran

into you, because I wanted

to speak to you about...

Well, well, well.

Ben. What a fun surprise.

That's right, you were coming

here tonight on a date.

And hey, Leslie is

joining you on this

wonderfully romantic occasion.

How about that?

Fantastic!

It is.

Can I talk to you?

Sure.

What are you doing here?

Just confirming a

suspicion I had, Leslie.

What are you talking

about? I had nothing to

do with this date.

They're both so beautiful.

They probably just want

to see each other naked.

Okay. Well, I know what you're

trying to do, and you're not

that good at being sneaky.

Yes, I am.

No, you're not.

I'm great at

being sneaky.

Clearly, you're not.

Hey. You guys, let's

all have dinner together.

The more the merrier.

Great.

Great job, guys. Yep.

All right, Eric. Taking

a rest, or are you hurt?

Taking a rest? Smart.

Destroy them, gentlemen.

Feel no sympathy.

Yes, Ron Swanson is

dating my ex-wife, Wendy.

Big deal. My girlfriend, Lucy,

is the sexiest woman in town.

She's Cuban, she's

got tattoos,

and she's into me,

which, as far as I'm

concerned, is the sexiest

quality a woman can have.

Oh, I have an idea.

You know what would

be really fun?

After dinner, we should

take a walk by the pond

in Ramsett Park.

Walking in parks can

be very romantic.

Yeah, too bad

the park's always

closed, though.

Okay. Well, you two

are on a date.

So, Leslie and I should

probably get going.

Well, I'm actually having

a good time with everyone.

Chris?

Me, too.

I'm having a

fantastic time.

What do you say we take

this whole "date-plus-two-

other-people" thing

up into the stratosphere?

This place is outstanding!

Great call, Leslie Knope.

Thanks.

Look.

Even Ben's dancing.

That's the way to

shoot the ball, Chignoli.

Hustle back.

That's a foul!

What? On whom?

Your team. Number 50.

He was double dribbling.

He's on defense.

Exactly.

That's a technical

difficulty.

So, that means Andy's team

throws the ball from the

stripey thing. Let's go!

"The stripey thing"?

Hey, there,

how's it going?

Great, thanks.

Can I buy you a drink?

I'm very flattered.

But this is my stunningly

gorgeous date, Ann Perkins.

Hi.

Sorry.

No problem.

In fact, let me buy all

of you a drink for being

so welcoming today.

Waiter!

I think I may

actually like Chris.

On the house, Leslie.

Thank you.

I'm sort of a gay hero.

Last year, I married two

penguins at the zoo, and it

turned out they were both gay.

Penguin wedding?

Mm-hmm.

That's cute.

It was so cute.

But enough about

how cute it was.

Why don't you think

I should have the money?

Good Lord. Really?

Look. When I was 18

and I became mayor

of my hometown,

I used every last dollar

we had to open a giant

winter sports complex.

Called it Ice Town.

And it turned out great

and everyone loved it.

Yeah, kind of. It was

never completed, and

I got impeached.

The newspaper headline was,

"Ice Town Costs Ice

Clown His Town Crown."

They were big into rhymes.

Well, I don't know.

I think Ice Town

sounds great.

And the point is,

at least you

tried something.

Foul!

Foul on number three

for taking a number two

on number four.

Roughing the passer!

Double dribbling!

That's a foul!

That's a foul for touching

the basketball.

What are you going to do

about it? Nothing. You fouled.

You can't do anything.

Okay. You're ejected.

You're ejected.

What's the matter there, Ron?

No players left?

Andy's team! Look at them go!

Oh, come on. Now, you're

openly cheering for

the other team?

Put my boys back in.

You made me the ref.

Deal with it.

You know what? Take

this uniform off.

Hey! Hey!

You don't deserve to wear it.

Ron's ejected for

molesting the ref!

Yeah? I'm ejected?

Tom, what are you doing?

Yes, you are.

I'm ejecting you.

You're ejected, too.

Everyone's ejected.

She's ejected?

Yeah!

Go ahead, go!

Well, that's a forfeit.

Andy's team wins.

No way! We won?

Oh, man! Eat it!

Andy! Andy! Andy!

Yeah!

Yes!

I dedicate this victory

to April Ludgate.

It feels good. And it

feels sticky. From

the Gatorade.

We're barely able

to function. We could

really use that money.

Well, you know, I don't

know if it's because

I'm in such a good mood

or because of the

charming Ann Perkins,

but I am going to

seriously consider that.

Really? That's great.

Mission accomplished.

Let's boogie.

Mission accomplished?

Yeah. There's a mission

that Ann had thought of.

It was both of our ideas,

but it was mostly Ann's.

We...

I had mentioned to Ann that

it would be fun if you

two went on a date.

So, then, you could talk

about the money,

and then, you know,

maybe give it to me.

Wow.

I've just had my

first bad date.

Ann Perkins.

Not that sneaky.

April!

April! Where have you

been? Oh, my God.

Hey. How are you?

I'm okay. I'm dying

to see you.

I called and I texted you,

like, a billion times.

I'm sorry. I was

in Venezuela.

Really? Wow.

Across the pond.

Wow. I thought maybe

I would have heard from

you at least once.

Because of what happened.

Ann kissing me? I am so

sorry about that. It was so

stupid and it meant nothing.

I wouldn't worry about it.

It's totally fine.

Hey.

This is my

boyfriend, Eduardo.

No, it's not.

That means we're

going to lunch.

How do you say, "Have a

great time, don't choke

on anything"?

Bye.

Leslie asked me to do

her a favor. And I

love her, so I did it.

I'm sorry, and I'm

here to eat crow.

I like you a lot.

Let's go out again.

Ann Perkins.

Budget solution number 28.

Use grazing sheep to

mow grass in parks.

Note. Tired sheep could

become food or sweaters.

Well, I got my answer.

About April. She hates me.

Yeah. And she got a

boyfriend, I guess.

From some city in

Mexico. So what do I do?

Okay. Well,

when your back's

against the wall

and odds are stacked

against you,

you just... You...

You swing the

hardest, damn it.

You go big or you go home.

And you don't seem

like the kind of guy

who goes home.

I'm not. I don't even

really have a home.

Go get her, Andy.

Okay!

Okay, thanks, Leslie.

Okay. So, we know the people

who run this government

have no faith in us.

My plan is going to

change that and bring

the budget back.

And the answer's been right

in front of us the whole time.

Check your testicles?

No. Not that.

Although that is very

good advice. Looking

at you, Jerry.

No. What's going to

save us is right there.

Gentlemen, I realize that

times are tough and

the budget is tight.

But if the people of

this town have nothing

else to do

but sit in their houses and

play video games,

then Pawnee will die.

And we refuse to

let that happen.

Now.

This town was historically

known for two things.

Widespread obesity,

and the annual Pawnee

Harvest Festival.

People from all over

Indiana would come and

gaze in wonderment

at how fat our citizens were.

And while they were

here, they would also

attend the Festival,

a full week of corn mazes,

hay rides, Ferris wheels,

pumpkins the size of jeeps.

We lost that festival a few

years ago, due to another

round of budget cuts.

And I propose we bring

the festival back.

With ticket sales and

corporate sponsorship, we'll

earn all that money back.

And believe me,

people will come.

What if they don't?

Well,

then you eliminate the

Parks Department.

And you guys are all

on board with this.

Aye.

Yes.

Look, we're not

just pencil-pushers.

We are a reflection

of the community.

And we believe that

we can strengthen

that community.

Because in the end,

the reason why we're all here

is to bring people together.

That, literally,

is the most moving thing

I've ever heard.

And a good idea.

Yeah, all right.

Excellent! Great!

Okay. So, everybody,

we're going to party

hard for 15 minutes

and then, we're going to

have our first

brainstorming session.

Hello, April.

Do you like

the flowers?

What are you doing?

All due respect, Eduardo.

You seem like a great guy.

But I like April. And

I'm coming after her

with everything I've got.

So, do you want to

go out with me?

No.

I thought you were

going to say yes.

But that's okay.

Because I'll be back tomorrow

to ask you again.

And again the next day.

And the next day.

Not Friday. I have to

go visit my cousin.

But I will be back after

that to ask you again.

You should do it.

Follow your dream.

Oh, my God. Really?

That's awesome.

I'll see you tomorrow.