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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:51,570 --> 00:00:53,094 Another Gestapo patrol. 2 00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:56,445 - What kind of fuel is that truck carrying, Colonel? 3 00:00:56,619 --> 00:00:57,968 - According to the underground, 4 00:00:58,142 --> 00:00:59,839 it's experimental fuel for jet aircraft. 5 00:01:00,014 --> 00:01:01,841 - If that truck got through to Berlin, 6 00:01:02,016 --> 00:01:03,452 it could change the whole course of the war. 7 00:01:03,626 --> 00:01:05,889 - Right... All right, let's move out. 8 00:01:07,586 --> 00:01:09,240 - Colonel, do you think there's a chance 9 00:01:09,414 --> 00:01:11,112 we might be able to get the formula for this jet fuel? 10 00:01:11,286 --> 00:01:13,201 - No way, only one German scientist knows it. 11 00:01:13,375 --> 00:01:15,116 - Well, maybe we could get ahold of his papers. 12 00:01:15,290 --> 00:01:16,726 - He keeps the formula in his head. 13 00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:18,858 - That's what I call a bit of bad luck, sir. 14 00:01:19,033 --> 00:01:20,991 - No, it's good luck. - How's that, sir? 15 00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:22,732 - He's riding in the truck with the fuel. 16 00:01:22,906 --> 00:01:23,907 - That's what I said, sir. That's what I call 17 00:01:24,081 --> 00:01:25,474 a bit of good luck, let's go. 18 00:01:27,867 --> 00:01:29,217 More Krauts, hit the dirt. 19 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,312 Newkirk, would you get your leg off my hip? 20 00:01:37,486 --> 00:01:39,096 You're always complaining. 21 00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:40,576 I'm not complaining, 22 00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:42,099 that's where I'm carrying the dynamite. 23 00:01:42,795 --> 00:01:44,710 - Might've told me, Carter! 24 00:01:44,884 --> 00:01:46,495 - It's not even fused yet. 25 00:01:46,669 --> 00:01:48,323 I just wanted to see the look on your face. 26 00:01:48,497 --> 00:01:50,890 - I hope you're not carrying any dynamite in your nose, 27 00:01:51,065 --> 00:01:52,457 'cause that's where I'm gonna punch you. 28 00:01:52,631 --> 00:01:54,546 All right, let's go. 29 00:02:34,369 --> 00:02:36,197 - Take it easy. - Yeah. 30 00:02:36,936 --> 00:02:38,068 - LeBeau? - Yeah. 31 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,331 - This plunger's the trigger. 32 00:02:40,505 --> 00:02:41,506 Don't release it until you get on up 33 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:42,464 to the bottom of the bridge. 34 00:02:42,638 --> 00:02:44,074 - Okay. 35 00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,597 - Watch it, that's it. 36 00:02:50,950 --> 00:02:52,256 Got it? 37 00:02:52,430 --> 00:02:53,866 - Newkirk, watch the other side. 38 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,346 - Yes, sir. 39 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:56,434 - Carter, you sure this is gonna work? 40 00:02:56,608 --> 00:02:57,957 - I got it all figured out, sir. 41 00:02:59,394 --> 00:03:00,830 - Hold it. 42 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,540 Okay. 43 00:03:15,714 --> 00:03:17,586 - Here's how it's gonna work. 44 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,328 Now the vehicle that's carrying the fuel 45 00:03:20,502 --> 00:03:22,504 is a 1 1/2 ton truck, right? - Right. 46 00:03:23,461 --> 00:03:25,463 - Therefore, I've set this trigger, 47 00:03:25,637 --> 00:03:27,465 so that only a vehicle of that weight 48 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:28,858 can set off the charge. 49 00:03:29,032 --> 00:03:30,642 - Right. 50 00:03:30,816 --> 00:03:33,123 - Now then, the truck's gonna come this way tomorrow 51 00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:35,386 between 1:30 and 1:45. 52 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,910 Therefore, I calculate the exact number 53 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,348 of hours and minutes between now and then, 54 00:03:40,522 --> 00:03:43,002 so that I can set this precision timer perfectly. 55 00:03:43,177 --> 00:03:45,744 - And you've calculated it to the exact second? 56 00:03:45,918 --> 00:03:47,659 - Oh, right. - Good. 57 00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:48,617 - Oh there's one thing, Colonel. 58 00:03:48,791 --> 00:03:50,097 - What? 59 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:51,620 - I forgot my watch. 60 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,552 - Right, go get in the tunnel. 61 00:04:15,034 --> 00:04:16,514 - All right, Kinch, radio the underground. 62 00:04:16,688 --> 00:04:18,647 Tell them we mined the bridge. - Right. 63 00:04:23,565 --> 00:04:25,567 - Any chance they might suspect us, Colonel? 64 00:04:25,741 --> 00:04:27,308 - When that bridge blows, we'll be back in camp. 65 00:04:27,482 --> 00:04:29,223 We haven't missed a roll call yet. 66 00:04:29,397 --> 00:04:30,398 Where's Carter? 67 00:04:30,572 --> 00:04:32,008 - He was there a minute ago. 68 00:04:32,182 --> 00:04:34,837 Leave it to him to make a mess of things. 69 00:04:35,011 --> 00:04:36,143 - Go ahead, LeBeau. 70 00:04:44,716 --> 00:04:45,935 Where have you been? 71 00:04:46,109 --> 00:04:47,545 - I went to the wrong tree trunk. 72 00:04:47,719 --> 00:04:49,068 - Carter, did you ever feel 73 00:04:49,243 --> 00:04:50,853 that you were in the wrong line of work? 74 00:04:51,027 --> 00:04:52,681 - Well, I once seriously considered becoming a doctor. 75 00:04:52,855 --> 00:04:53,899 - Oh, good choice. 76 00:04:54,073 --> 00:04:55,640 Brain surgeon? - Yeah. 77 00:04:55,814 --> 00:04:56,859 - Get in the tunnel. 78 00:05:04,736 --> 00:05:06,085 - Want some coffee? - Yeah, sure. 79 00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:09,001 How about this? 80 00:05:10,873 --> 00:05:12,527 - Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it! 81 00:05:12,701 --> 00:05:14,181 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! 82 00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:18,707 Back, back, back, back, back. 83 00:05:18,881 --> 00:05:21,013 Sit down, and behave, 84 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,580 or you won't get any mail. 85 00:05:22,754 --> 00:05:25,279 - Let's go. - They're not your letters. 86 00:05:25,453 --> 00:05:26,889 - Oh Colonel Hogan! 87 00:05:29,152 --> 00:05:30,545 - Thanks, Schultz. - Come on, Schultzy. 88 00:05:30,719 --> 00:05:32,416 - Sergeant Kinch. 89 00:05:32,590 --> 00:05:34,201 - Is there one for me? - Thanks. 90 00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:36,899 - Corporal LeBeau. 91 00:05:38,161 --> 00:05:39,380 - Mm, I can tell by the scent 92 00:05:39,554 --> 00:05:41,077 it's from my Paulette in Bordeaux. 93 00:05:42,731 --> 00:05:44,820 - Smells to me like aftershave lotion. 94 00:05:44,994 --> 00:05:46,517 - Where do you expect her to get perfume? 95 00:05:46,691 --> 00:05:48,780 We're at war, you know. 96 00:05:48,954 --> 00:05:52,262 Got anything for me, Schultzy? 97 00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:53,742 - Newkirk. 98 00:05:53,916 --> 00:05:56,179 - Oh thanks, old boy. 99 00:05:56,353 --> 00:05:58,225 - Here, Hansen. 100 00:05:58,399 --> 00:05:59,661 Saunders. 101 00:06:02,098 --> 00:06:03,142 Sergeant, 102 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:10,498 Sergeant Little Deer Who Goes Swift and Sure Through Forest? 103 00:06:10,672 --> 00:06:11,977 - You're kidding. 104 00:06:12,151 --> 00:06:12,935 - That's what it says. 105 00:06:13,109 --> 00:06:14,937 - That's me. 106 00:06:15,111 --> 00:06:18,810 - You're Little Deer Who Goes Swift and Sure Through Forest? 107 00:06:18,984 --> 00:06:20,203 - That's right. 108 00:06:23,119 --> 00:06:24,599 - I think he's just broke his hoof. 109 00:06:24,773 --> 00:06:26,383 - If I were you, Little Deer, 110 00:06:26,557 --> 00:06:29,691 I'd stay out of the woods during the hunting season. 111 00:06:29,865 --> 00:06:31,519 - All right, have your little joke. 112 00:06:31,693 --> 00:06:33,172 - I didn't know you had Indian blood, Carter. 113 00:06:33,347 --> 00:06:34,783 - Oh sure, we're from the Sioux Indians. 114 00:06:34,957 --> 00:06:37,046 My great grandfather fought with Sitting Bull. 115 00:06:37,220 --> 00:06:39,527 - Oh you mean, you are real Indian, 116 00:06:39,701 --> 00:06:40,615 like in the movies? 117 00:06:43,313 --> 00:06:45,097 - Schultz has got some Indian blood, too. 118 00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,317 - He's got natural rhythm. 119 00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:51,539 - Hey, Little Deer, who's the letter from, Pocahontas? 120 00:06:51,713 --> 00:06:53,497 - Happens to be from my cousin in North Dakota. 121 00:06:53,671 --> 00:06:54,977 - What is his name? 122 00:06:56,108 --> 00:06:59,242 - Angry Rabbit Who has Thorn in Cottontail. 123 00:06:59,416 --> 00:07:02,027 - That'd make anybody angry. 124 00:07:02,201 --> 00:07:03,812 - This is wunderbar! 125 00:07:03,986 --> 00:07:06,945 I always wanted to meet a real life Indian. 126 00:07:07,119 --> 00:07:09,905 Oh, I can hardly wait to tell it to my wife. 127 00:07:10,079 --> 00:07:11,515 Oh by the way, Colonel Hogan, 128 00:07:11,689 --> 00:07:13,735 Colonel Klink wants to see you in his office. 129 00:07:13,909 --> 00:07:14,866 - All right, Schultz. 130 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,390 - Goodbye, chief. 131 00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:20,524 - What does your cousin say, Carter? 132 00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:28,706 - Oh, I'm glad he's feeling better. 133 00:07:32,231 --> 00:07:34,190 - Come in, come in, come in. 134 00:07:34,364 --> 00:07:36,148 - You wanted to see me, Colonel Klink? 135 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,585 - Yes, Hogan. 136 00:07:37,759 --> 00:07:39,456 I want your men to prepare a barracks 137 00:07:39,630 --> 00:07:41,893 - for 12 new American prisoners. - I don't think it's in our deal 138 00:07:42,067 --> 00:07:43,330 to provide you with maid service. 139 00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:44,940 - Hogan, these are your countrymen. 140 00:07:45,114 --> 00:07:47,246 I should think that you would be delighted 141 00:07:47,421 --> 00:07:48,770 to want to make things comfortable for them. 142 00:07:48,944 --> 00:07:50,337 - Oh, I'll see that each one of them 143 00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:52,251 has a pipe and slippers by his bunk, then. 144 00:07:52,426 --> 00:07:54,732 - Your sarcasm does not impress me, Hogan. 145 00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:56,517 - When are they arriving? 146 00:07:56,691 --> 00:07:59,694 - The prisoners are due to leave Wiesbaden in a few minutes. 147 00:07:59,868 --> 00:08:02,000 They will be here between one and two o'clock. 148 00:08:02,174 --> 00:08:03,915 - We'll have it ready, Commandant. 149 00:08:07,092 --> 00:08:08,920 You did say Wiesbaden, didn't you? 150 00:08:09,094 --> 00:08:09,965 - That's right. 151 00:08:11,140 --> 00:08:13,360 - And they'll have to cross over the Dusseldorf River? 152 00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:14,709 - Yes. 153 00:08:15,623 --> 00:08:16,972 - By way of the Hammelburg Bridge? 154 00:08:20,236 --> 00:08:23,108 - Why are you so interested from which way they're coming? 155 00:08:23,282 --> 00:08:24,893 - I want to make sure they come by the scenic route. 156 00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:26,416 There's nothing like a nice drive 157 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,549 down the Dusseldorf in a staff car. 158 00:08:28,723 --> 00:08:30,855 - They happen to be coming in a truck. 159 00:08:34,163 --> 00:08:35,599 - Oh, I have to hand it to Burkhalter. 160 00:08:35,773 --> 00:08:37,340 He's done it again. 161 00:08:37,514 --> 00:08:39,255 - He's done what again? 162 00:08:39,429 --> 00:08:41,257 - It's obvious this is another one of Burkhalter's schemes 163 00:08:41,431 --> 00:08:42,432 to get you, Colonel. 164 00:08:44,129 --> 00:08:45,653 - May I remind you, Colonel Hogan, 165 00:08:45,827 --> 00:08:47,829 that General Burkhalter has only the highest 166 00:08:48,003 --> 00:08:49,613 admiration and respect for me? 167 00:08:49,787 --> 00:08:51,310 And he's sending these prisoners to me 168 00:08:51,485 --> 00:08:54,096 because he knows that I'm the finest commandant 169 00:08:54,270 --> 00:08:56,011 of any German prison camp. 170 00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:58,405 And what do you think his scheme is? 171 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,624 - It's the same old story. 172 00:09:00,798 --> 00:09:02,496 He wants to make you look bad. 173 00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:05,586 He wants to break your perfect record of no escapes. 174 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,283 - But what has this got to do with it? 175 00:09:07,457 --> 00:09:10,199 - 12 new prisoners with the same old understaffed, 176 00:09:10,373 --> 00:09:12,549 overworked stir crazy guards. 177 00:09:12,723 --> 00:09:14,203 - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 178 00:09:14,377 --> 00:09:16,858 - 12 new prisoners, 12 more chances of escape. 179 00:09:17,032 --> 00:09:20,252 Burkhalter's getting better odds every day. 180 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,037 - Perhaps I should call him. 181 00:09:24,126 --> 00:09:25,736 Fraulein Hilda, get me General Burkhalter 182 00:09:25,910 --> 00:09:28,260 on the phone at once. - I like a man of action, sir. 183 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,785 - I saw through Burkhalter's scheme all along. 184 00:09:30,959 --> 00:09:32,787 - You've got to get up pretty early in the morning 185 00:09:32,961 --> 00:09:35,050 to fool Colonel Klink. 186 00:09:35,224 --> 00:09:37,052 - General Burkhalter, this is Colonel Klink speaking. 187 00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,967 General Burkhalter, I must insist 188 00:09:39,141 --> 00:09:40,577 that the 12 new American prisoners 189 00:09:40,751 --> 00:09:42,884 be sent to another stalag at once. 190 00:09:45,190 --> 00:09:46,931 Please General Burkhalter, try to understand. 191 00:09:47,105 --> 00:09:48,933 We are already overcrowded here. 192 00:09:49,107 --> 00:09:50,718 My guards are understaffed and overworked. 193 00:09:50,892 --> 00:09:52,197 - Don't forget the stir crazy bit. 194 00:09:52,371 --> 00:09:54,765 - And we're going stir crazy, sir. 195 00:09:54,939 --> 00:09:56,158 What's that? 196 00:09:56,332 --> 00:09:58,073 No sir, I do not speak Russian. 197 00:10:00,292 --> 00:10:01,250 Yes sir, Russian. 198 00:10:02,817 --> 00:10:05,080 It was merely a suggestion, General Burkhalter. 199 00:10:05,254 --> 00:10:09,127 I assure you, 12 new prisoners won't be any trouble at all. 200 00:10:09,301 --> 00:10:10,738 As a matter of fact, sir, 201 00:10:10,912 --> 00:10:12,522 may I suggest that you send me 40 or 50 more? 202 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:16,178 I will welcome them with open arms, sir. 203 00:10:16,352 --> 00:10:19,268 Yes sir, only 12 prisoners, yes sir. 204 00:10:20,356 --> 00:10:23,228 Well, General Burkhalter, it has been absolutely wonderful 205 00:10:23,402 --> 00:10:24,403 having this little chat with you. 206 00:10:24,578 --> 00:10:25,579 Heil Hitler. 207 00:10:27,798 --> 00:10:29,974 Prepare for 12 new prisoners. 208 00:10:30,148 --> 00:10:31,628 They'll be here within two hours. 209 00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:35,719 And Hogan! 210 00:10:36,938 --> 00:10:38,722 Dismissed. 211 00:10:41,856 --> 00:10:44,206 - Hilda, what kind of a truck are the new prisoners coming in? 212 00:10:44,380 --> 00:10:45,860 - A German truck. 213 00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:46,991 You see, all the good trucks have been sent- 214 00:10:47,165 --> 00:10:48,732 - I know that. What size? 215 00:10:52,475 --> 00:10:54,651 - A 1 1/2 ton truck. 216 00:10:54,825 --> 00:10:56,392 But, I shouldn't be telling you this. 217 00:10:56,566 --> 00:10:58,089 - Don't feel bad, 218 00:10:58,263 --> 00:10:59,438 you're not giving comfort and aid to the enemy. 219 00:11:04,966 --> 00:11:06,881 - Hey, come on Carter, show us how to do the dance. 220 00:11:07,055 --> 00:11:08,709 - Why don't you two just knock it off? 221 00:11:08,883 --> 00:11:10,798 - But we want you to help us with the rain dance. 222 00:11:10,972 --> 00:11:12,321 - Yeah, if it rains we won't have to go outside 223 00:11:12,495 --> 00:11:14,671 and do those ruddy exercises. 224 00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,804 - We Sioux aren't too much on rain dances. 225 00:11:16,978 --> 00:11:18,762 Massacres are more our style. 226 00:11:18,936 --> 00:11:20,547 And if you two fellas will wait 227 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,026 until I get through carving this old bow and arrow, 228 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,246 I'll be happy to give ya a little demonstration. 229 00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:27,292 - That's not very nice. - Oh come on, Carter. 230 00:11:27,466 --> 00:11:28,859 Be a sweet Sioux. 231 00:11:31,035 --> 00:11:32,733 - All right, fellas, gather round. 232 00:11:32,907 --> 00:11:34,256 - Something the matter, Colonel? 233 00:11:34,430 --> 00:11:35,605 - Now don't tell me old Klink's on the war path. 234 00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:37,302 Nothing personal, Carter. 235 00:11:37,476 --> 00:11:39,435 - I just found out a group of American prisoners 236 00:11:39,609 --> 00:11:41,263 is crossing the Hammelburg Bridge in a truck 237 00:11:41,437 --> 00:11:44,092 between 1:30 and 1:45. 238 00:11:44,266 --> 00:11:46,311 - Hey, if they cross that bridge before that fuel truck, 239 00:11:46,485 --> 00:11:47,835 they're gonna be blown sky high. 240 00:11:48,009 --> 00:11:49,271 - Exactly. 241 00:11:49,445 --> 00:11:50,185 - One of us had better get out there 242 00:11:50,359 --> 00:11:51,708 and de-mine that bridge. 243 00:11:51,882 --> 00:11:53,754 - Yeah, and since this is broad daylight, 244 00:11:54,711 --> 00:11:56,583 this is a job that calls for the little old lady. 245 00:12:01,979 --> 00:12:02,980 Do uh... 246 00:12:06,418 --> 00:12:08,856 you think you're up to the job, Frau Newkirkburger? 247 00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:11,554 - I'll not only de-mine the bridge, 248 00:12:11,728 --> 00:12:14,775 but I may stay around and try and find 249 00:12:14,949 --> 00:12:17,125 a rich old widower meself. 250 00:13:05,347 --> 00:13:07,697 - What are you doing, old woman? - Excuse me, Sergeant. 251 00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:10,395 I wonder if you could give an old lady a ride. 252 00:13:10,569 --> 00:13:11,875 - Are you out of your mind? 253 00:13:12,049 --> 00:13:13,616 This vehicle is for military use only. 254 00:13:13,790 --> 00:13:16,010 - I was a nurse in the last war. 255 00:13:16,184 --> 00:13:17,489 Lady, please. 256 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,840 - I was a personal nurse of Kaiser Wilhelm. 257 00:13:20,014 --> 00:13:22,494 - Lady, I cannot- - Oh, the Kaiser. 258 00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:27,325 It was more than just a nurse-patient relationship. 259 00:13:27,499 --> 00:13:30,198 When we were alone, I used to call him Willie. 260 00:13:30,372 --> 00:13:33,288 And he used to call me Bubbie. 261 00:13:33,462 --> 00:13:36,813 - My dear frau, I must deliver this truckload of prisoners. 262 00:13:36,987 --> 00:13:38,685 - It would only take you a few minutes 263 00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:41,731 to give an old lady a ride to her granddaughter's. 264 00:13:42,558 --> 00:13:45,866 Oh, Stalin should have my rheumatism today. 265 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,695 - I cannot be concerned with your rheumatism. 266 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,566 - I understand, Sergeant, 267 00:13:50,740 --> 00:13:54,396 but it seems a shame you won't meet my granddaughter, 268 00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:57,138 the out of work fan dancer. 269 00:13:59,096 --> 00:14:01,403 - Your granddaughter is a fan dancer? 270 00:14:01,577 --> 00:14:05,494 - Oh, she's so beautiful, so lonely. 271 00:14:05,668 --> 00:14:08,932 Now that all of you handsome men are off in the army. 272 00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:12,414 She just sits alone in her apartment, 273 00:14:12,588 --> 00:14:13,937 just her two fans. 274 00:14:18,072 --> 00:14:22,076 - Of course, if your rheumatism is so bad. 275 00:14:23,251 --> 00:14:25,688 And well, the Kaiser's nurse. 276 00:14:25,862 --> 00:14:29,648 Perhaps, perhaps we could take you to your granddaughter. 277 00:14:33,391 --> 00:14:35,089 - What were you saying, Sergeant? 278 00:14:35,263 --> 00:14:37,700 - I said, perhaps we could take you in the truck after all. 279 00:14:46,013 --> 00:14:48,058 - You can forget your ride, Sergeant. 280 00:14:48,232 --> 00:14:51,105 Your military trucks are too dangerous. 281 00:14:55,457 --> 00:14:57,807 Hey, you ought to have seen the look on that Kraut's face 282 00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,591 when the bridge and the truck exploded 283 00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:00,941 with all that jet fuel. 284 00:15:01,115 --> 00:15:02,856 Oh blimey, it was something. 285 00:15:03,030 --> 00:15:05,902 And his eyes, his eyes got as big as, 286 00:15:06,076 --> 00:15:08,949 well almost as big as when I told him about the fan dancer. 287 00:15:09,123 --> 00:15:10,994 - Hey Newkirk, that was an inspiration. 288 00:15:11,168 --> 00:15:12,604 - I could've never thought of that. 289 00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:15,607 - Well, it comes easy to me, chums. 290 00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,392 Haven't you ever noticed the occasional feather 291 00:15:17,566 --> 00:15:19,611 dropping out me envelopes? - Hey, mission accomplished. 292 00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,178 - Hey, let's celebrate, 293 00:15:21,352 --> 00:15:22,571 and we'll open the bottle of vintage wine. 294 00:15:22,745 --> 00:15:23,877 It's almost four hours old. 295 00:15:24,051 --> 00:15:26,140 Marvelous. 296 00:15:26,314 --> 00:15:28,359 - Take the glasses. - Yeah. 297 00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,013 - Hey, there's something I gotta tell ya. 298 00:15:30,187 --> 00:15:31,493 I was standing there, right? 299 00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:33,277 The truck goes up, boom! 300 00:15:33,451 --> 00:15:36,019 Dirt all over the place, and there was- 301 00:15:42,156 --> 00:15:43,244 Hello, Hogan. 302 00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,682 Guards have been posted around the barracks, 303 00:15:46,856 --> 00:15:50,817 and you and your men are restricted to the quarters. 304 00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:52,383 - Oh just a minute, Schultz. 305 00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:56,344 - Those are my orders, and anybody seen outside 306 00:15:56,518 --> 00:15:58,041 will be shot. - Will be shot. 307 00:15:58,215 --> 00:15:59,347 - What is it this time, Schultz? 308 00:15:59,521 --> 00:16:00,348 - I know nothing. 309 00:16:00,522 --> 00:16:01,523 - I know what it is. 310 00:16:01,697 --> 00:16:03,003 - We all know what it is. 311 00:16:03,177 --> 00:16:04,613 - Who said sabotage? 312 00:16:04,787 --> 00:16:06,310 - I did. 313 00:16:06,484 --> 00:16:09,748 - Why is it we can never keep a secret from you? 314 00:16:09,923 --> 00:16:11,098 - Because the other guards 315 00:16:11,272 --> 00:16:12,882 are not as close-mouthed as you, Schultz. 316 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:17,147 - All right, but nobody leaves until further notice. 317 00:16:17,321 --> 00:16:18,496 Verstanden? 318 00:16:18,670 --> 00:16:22,065 Verstanden. 319 00:16:22,239 --> 00:16:25,373 - So anyway, everything's flying though, eh? 320 00:16:25,547 --> 00:16:28,593 Carter. 321 00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,160 Will you do me a favor? 322 00:16:30,334 --> 00:16:33,947 When you write home, ask them for the little hat 323 00:16:34,121 --> 00:16:36,471 with the feather on top. 324 00:16:36,645 --> 00:16:38,038 - And if he can't get one, 325 00:16:38,212 --> 00:16:40,649 Newkirk's girlfriend will send you one. 326 00:16:40,823 --> 00:16:41,693 - Thank you. 327 00:16:45,175 --> 00:16:46,437 - Hey Colonel, I finished my bow and arrow. 328 00:16:46,611 --> 00:16:47,961 You want me to show you how to use it? 329 00:16:48,135 --> 00:16:49,397 - Not now, Carter. - Just take a minute. 330 00:16:53,836 --> 00:16:56,012 - Colonel, the underground just contacted us. 331 00:16:56,186 --> 00:16:57,274 - They're gonna send champagne? 332 00:16:57,448 --> 00:16:58,754 - Nope. 333 00:16:58,928 --> 00:17:00,060 - Oh, that's great. 334 00:17:00,234 --> 00:17:01,583 I go out and risk my life, 335 00:17:01,757 --> 00:17:03,280 and that's the way they show their appreciation. 336 00:17:04,586 --> 00:17:07,632 - They do appreciate your risking your life, Newkirk. 337 00:17:07,806 --> 00:17:10,070 But the jet fuel wasn't in the truck we blew up. 338 00:17:10,244 --> 00:17:11,810 - You serious? - Yep. 339 00:17:11,985 --> 00:17:13,334 - What was the truck carrying? 340 00:17:13,508 --> 00:17:14,944 - Our Red Cross packages. 341 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,554 - Where's the truck with the jet fuel? 342 00:17:16,728 --> 00:17:17,860 - It's been rerouted. 343 00:17:18,034 --> 00:17:19,340 - What's the new route? 344 00:17:19,514 --> 00:17:21,342 - It's due to pass right by this camp tonight, 345 00:17:21,516 --> 00:17:22,996 between nine and 9:15. 346 00:17:23,170 --> 00:17:24,954 And they still want us to knock it off. 347 00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,696 - They've got Krauts crawling all over the place! 348 00:17:27,870 --> 00:17:29,567 They're even at the opening of the tunnel. 349 00:17:30,264 --> 00:17:31,874 How can we do anything? 350 00:17:32,048 --> 00:17:34,224 - They didn't say how, they said do. 351 00:17:34,398 --> 00:17:36,096 - Don't worry sir, we'll think of something. 352 00:17:36,270 --> 00:17:37,662 - Yeah, well if somebody comes up with a brainstorm, 353 00:17:37,836 --> 00:17:39,055 I'll be in my office. 354 00:17:39,229 --> 00:17:40,622 LeBeau, put away the wine, please. 355 00:17:40,796 --> 00:17:41,928 Let it age a few more hours. 356 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,233 Right. 357 00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:46,193 Do they really think that jet fuel is so important? 358 00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:47,803 - They said it could be the difference 359 00:17:47,977 --> 00:17:49,196 between winning and losing. 360 00:17:49,370 --> 00:17:51,459 - Just isn't fair. 361 00:17:51,633 --> 00:17:54,375 Why is it always one of us that has to do the dirty work? 362 00:17:57,595 --> 00:17:59,554 Are you all right, Colonel? 363 00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:01,121 - Carter, I had nothing to do 364 00:18:01,295 --> 00:18:03,166 with the sale of Manhattan Island. 365 00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:06,082 24 bucks was Peter Stuyvesant's idea. 366 00:18:06,256 --> 00:18:07,954 - Sorry sir, I was testing the bow string 367 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:10,173 and it must've slipped. - Carter, put that thing away. 368 00:18:10,347 --> 00:18:12,175 You're a ruddy menace. - Oh, leave him alone. 369 00:18:12,349 --> 00:18:14,047 Better a bow and arrow than a tomahawk. 370 00:18:14,221 --> 00:18:15,396 - I'm glad it didn't fly through the window. 371 00:18:15,570 --> 00:18:16,875 These things aren't easy to make. 372 00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:18,616 Hey, hold a minute, fellas. 373 00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:21,619 Carter, is that the best you can do with your Native weapon? 374 00:18:21,793 --> 00:18:23,491 - Oh no sir, I won a lot of trophies 375 00:18:23,665 --> 00:18:24,796 with this thing back home. 376 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,276 It's like riding a bicycle. 377 00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:27,974 Once you learn, you never forget it. 378 00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:29,018 - Kinch? - Yeah. 379 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,237 - Come with me. 380 00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:33,631 How far would you say it is from this window, 381 00:18:35,416 --> 00:18:37,374 to the road just outside of the camp? 382 00:18:38,419 --> 00:18:40,638 - Well, I can throw a football about 50 yards, 383 00:18:40,812 --> 00:18:42,118 and I once threw a pass 384 00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:43,728 from just outside the barracks here to Carter, 385 00:18:43,902 --> 00:18:46,166 who was standing just inside the barbed wire. 386 00:18:46,340 --> 00:18:47,994 - And he dropped it. 387 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,170 - I'd say it's about 60 yards, huh? 388 00:18:50,344 --> 00:18:51,867 - I'd say that's about it. 389 00:18:52,041 --> 00:18:53,434 - I think we could also say 390 00:18:53,608 --> 00:18:55,349 that it's within range of Carter's arrow. 391 00:18:56,915 --> 00:18:58,743 - My arrow? - Your flaming arrow? 392 00:18:58,917 --> 00:19:01,224 - What have you got in mind, Colonel? 393 00:19:01,398 --> 00:19:04,271 - Carter's people burned up a lot of covered wagons. 394 00:19:04,445 --> 00:19:06,795 Just think what a flaming arrow 395 00:19:06,969 --> 00:19:10,059 could do to a truck carrying jet fuel. 396 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,669 - That's a smashing idea. 397 00:19:11,843 --> 00:19:13,976 - And to think we owe it all to Little Deer. 398 00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:17,501 - Who Goes Swift and Sure Through Forest. 399 00:19:17,675 --> 00:19:19,721 - German military vehicles have governors, 400 00:19:19,895 --> 00:19:22,376 and they never travel at more than 35 miles an hour. 401 00:19:22,550 --> 00:19:25,074 Now the truck will be coming down the road from the north, 402 00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:26,771 and the wind is from the south. 403 00:19:26,945 --> 00:19:29,296 That means the arrow should be aimed 404 00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:32,647 about 15 yards in front of the moving vehicle. 405 00:19:32,821 --> 00:19:36,999 Now, figuring the area of canvas on a 1 1/2 ton truck, 406 00:19:37,173 --> 00:19:38,696 that should give Carter 407 00:19:38,870 --> 00:19:40,872 about a seven to 10 foot margin for error. 408 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:42,961 - And I'd say he'd need every foot of it. 409 00:19:43,136 --> 00:19:44,789 - We're not gonna take any chances. 410 00:19:44,963 --> 00:19:47,096 Newkirk, take Little Deer down to the tunnel 411 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,272 and practice 'til showtime. - Right, sir. 412 00:19:49,446 --> 00:19:52,449 The moment I check out my GI insurance. 413 00:19:52,623 --> 00:19:55,061 - Didn't need Newkirk at the Little Bighorn, sir. 414 00:20:00,414 --> 00:20:02,764 This is the first time I made arrow flambe. 415 00:20:02,938 --> 00:20:04,200 - Better write down the recipe. 416 00:20:04,374 --> 00:20:05,593 We may use it again. 417 00:20:06,768 --> 00:20:08,291 - How's Little Deer doing with the bow and arrow? 418 00:20:08,465 --> 00:20:09,988 - Just don't lend him your bicycle. 419 00:20:10,163 --> 00:20:11,294 Roll call! 420 00:20:11,468 --> 00:20:12,730 Roll call! 421 00:20:12,904 --> 00:20:14,254 - All right look, everybody outside 422 00:20:14,428 --> 00:20:15,646 except Newkirk and Carter, come with me. 423 00:20:15,820 --> 00:20:17,344 - Schultz will know you're missing. 424 00:20:17,518 --> 00:20:17,866 - Create a confusion, we'll be out in a minute. 425 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:18,258 - Right. 426 00:20:19,694 --> 00:20:21,609 - All right Carter, any second, get it ready. 427 00:20:21,783 --> 00:20:23,132 - You got a match, Newkirk? 428 00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,395 - Oh, some Indian you are. 429 00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:27,615 - Remember, lead the truck by about 15 yards. 430 00:20:27,789 --> 00:20:29,051 - Why do we need a roll call 431 00:20:29,225 --> 00:20:30,444 at this time of the night, Schultzy? 432 00:20:30,618 --> 00:20:32,010 - Colonel Klink ordered it. 433 00:20:32,185 --> 00:20:33,925 It is not up to you, LeBeau. 434 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,624 - Let's leave it up to the others, then. 435 00:20:36,798 --> 00:20:41,019 All of those in favor of roll call, raise your hand! 436 00:20:41,194 --> 00:20:43,544 All of those opposed to a roll call? 437 00:20:45,589 --> 00:20:49,637 - Hey, hold, hold it! 438 00:20:49,811 --> 00:20:54,207 I will not stand for any insubordination. 439 00:20:54,381 --> 00:20:57,210 - Good word! - Thank you. 440 00:20:59,081 --> 00:21:00,822 - Just get back. 441 00:21:01,823 --> 00:21:03,868 - Where is Colonel Hogan? 442 00:21:04,042 --> 00:21:06,436 And where is Newkirk? 443 00:21:06,610 --> 00:21:08,221 And where is 444 00:21:08,395 --> 00:21:13,008 Little Deer That Goes Swift and Sure Through Forest? 445 00:21:13,182 --> 00:21:14,705 - I guess they were asleep. 446 00:21:14,879 --> 00:21:16,185 - Colonel Hogan! 447 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,970 Everybody out for roll call! 448 00:21:20,972 --> 00:21:22,626 - All right Carter, let it fly! 449 00:21:27,196 --> 00:21:29,067 - No wonder you lost the West. 450 00:21:35,857 --> 00:21:37,119 - Beautiful, Newkirk. 451 00:21:37,293 --> 00:21:38,729 You've got Indian blood in you, too. 452 00:21:38,903 --> 00:21:40,427 - Well actually sir, descended from Robin Hood. 453 00:21:40,601 --> 00:21:41,906 - Yeah. - If you like, for an encore, 454 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,256 I'll go out and rob some rich people. 455 00:21:43,430 --> 00:21:44,735 - Forget it, the truck should be 456 00:21:44,909 --> 00:21:46,215 passing the front gate in about a minute. 457 00:21:46,389 --> 00:21:47,956 - Are all the men assembled, Schultz? 458 00:21:48,130 --> 00:21:49,523 - We're waiting for Colonel Hogan, Herr Commandant. 459 00:21:49,697 --> 00:21:52,003 - You're not waiting for me, Schultz. 460 00:21:52,178 --> 00:21:55,355 - Prisoners, your stupid underground 461 00:21:55,529 --> 00:21:58,009 has attempted to stop the shipment 462 00:21:58,184 --> 00:21:59,924 of a vital war material. 463 00:22:01,491 --> 00:22:02,797 At this very moment, 464 00:22:03,711 --> 00:22:06,627 a truck with experimental jet fuel, 465 00:22:06,801 --> 00:22:08,933 and one of Germany's most brilliant scientists, 466 00:22:09,107 --> 00:22:11,545 is passing by this very camp. 467 00:22:11,719 --> 00:22:13,721 On its way to Berlin 468 00:22:13,895 --> 00:22:17,551 with ultimate victory for our glorious fatherland. 469 00:22:30,433 --> 00:22:32,479 - You were saying, Colonel? 470 00:22:32,653 --> 00:22:34,350 - I can't believe it. 471 00:22:34,524 --> 00:22:36,265 - You know, you think a brilliant scientist 472 00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:39,094 would be smart enough to put up a no smoking sign. 473 00:22:49,844 --> 00:22:50,932 Hi, Schultz. 474 00:22:51,889 --> 00:22:53,326 - Hogan! 475 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:56,590 Commandant Klink is very angry at you. 476 00:22:56,764 --> 00:22:58,113 - He'll get over it, Schultz. 477 00:22:58,287 --> 00:23:00,071 Got a gift for you, from Carter. - Yeah? 478 00:23:00,246 --> 00:23:02,639 - He's made you an honorary chief of the Sioux tribe. 479 00:23:06,556 --> 00:23:08,166 - Beautiful. 480 00:23:11,431 --> 00:23:12,432 - Uh-huh. 481 00:23:17,567 --> 00:23:19,003 He's also given you a new name, Schultz. 482 00:23:19,177 --> 00:23:20,440 - What, what, what, what? 483 00:23:20,614 --> 00:23:21,876 - You are now Big Chief Running Bear 484 00:23:22,050 --> 00:23:24,879 Who Goes Swift and Sure to Beer Garden. 485 00:23:25,053 --> 00:23:28,012 - Or you could be Big Fat Schultz 486 00:23:28,186 --> 00:23:32,843 Who Goes Swift and Sure to Russian Front. 487 00:23:33,017 --> 00:23:34,932 Colonel Hogan, you and your men are restricted to barracks 488 00:23:35,106 --> 00:23:36,673 and all privileges are canceled. - Why? 489 00:23:36,847 --> 00:23:39,110 - Because, the lights were still on at 10:30. 490 00:23:39,285 --> 00:23:40,590 - It's not every night, sir, 491 00:23:40,764 --> 00:23:42,636 we get a chance to see a German truck barbecued. 492 00:23:42,810 --> 00:23:46,292 - I can assure you, Hogan, we will find those saboteurs. 493 00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:51,166 Dismissed. 494 00:23:51,340 --> 00:23:53,037 - He took my feather. 495 00:23:53,995 --> 00:23:56,084 - I'd say we scalp him, but somebody beat us to it. 496 00:24:20,935 --> 00:24:22,328 - Colonel, I think the penal, 497 00:24:24,982 --> 00:24:25,983 sorry, Chief. 498 00:24:26,723 --> 00:24:28,595 - Out! 37014

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