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1
00:00:51,570 --> 00:00:53,094
Another
Gestapo patrol.
2
00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:56,445
- What kind of fuel is that
truck carrying, Colonel?
3
00:00:56,619 --> 00:00:57,968
- According to the underground,
4
00:00:58,142 --> 00:00:59,839
it's experimental
fuel for jet aircraft.
5
00:01:00,014 --> 00:01:01,841
- If that truck got
through to Berlin,
6
00:01:02,016 --> 00:01:03,452
it could change the
whole course of the war.
7
00:01:03,626 --> 00:01:05,889
- Right... All right,
let's move out.
8
00:01:07,586 --> 00:01:09,240
- Colonel, do you
think there's a chance
9
00:01:09,414 --> 00:01:11,112
we might be able to get the
formula for this jet fuel?
10
00:01:11,286 --> 00:01:13,201
- No way, only one German
scientist knows it.
11
00:01:13,375 --> 00:01:15,116
- Well, maybe we could
get ahold of his papers.
12
00:01:15,290 --> 00:01:16,726
- He keeps the
formula in his head.
13
00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:18,858
- That's what I call a
bit of bad luck, sir.
14
00:01:19,033 --> 00:01:20,991
- No, it's good luck.
- How's that, sir?
15
00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:22,732
- He's riding in the
truck with the fuel.
16
00:01:22,906 --> 00:01:23,907
- That's what I said, sir.
That's what I call
17
00:01:24,081 --> 00:01:25,474
a bit of good luck, let's go.
18
00:01:27,867 --> 00:01:29,217
More
Krauts, hit the dirt.
19
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,312
Newkirk, would
you get your leg off my hip?
20
00:01:37,486 --> 00:01:39,096
You're
always complaining.
21
00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:40,576
I'm not complaining,
22
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:42,099
that's where I'm
carrying the dynamite.
23
00:01:42,795 --> 00:01:44,710
- Might've told me, Carter!
24
00:01:44,884 --> 00:01:46,495
- It's not even fused yet.
25
00:01:46,669 --> 00:01:48,323
I just wanted to see
the look on your face.
26
00:01:48,497 --> 00:01:50,890
- I hope you're not carrying
any dynamite in your nose,
27
00:01:51,065 --> 00:01:52,457
'cause that's where
I'm gonna punch you.
28
00:01:52,631 --> 00:01:54,546
All right, let's go.
29
00:02:34,369 --> 00:02:36,197
- Take it easy.
- Yeah.
30
00:02:36,936 --> 00:02:38,068
- LeBeau?
- Yeah.
31
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,331
- This plunger's the trigger.
32
00:02:40,505 --> 00:02:41,506
Don't release it
until you get on up
33
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:42,464
to the bottom of the bridge.
34
00:02:42,638 --> 00:02:44,074
- Okay.
35
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,597
- Watch it, that's it.
36
00:02:50,950 --> 00:02:52,256
Got it?
37
00:02:52,430 --> 00:02:53,866
- Newkirk, watch the other side.
38
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,346
- Yes, sir.
39
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:56,434
- Carter, you sure
this is gonna work?
40
00:02:56,608 --> 00:02:57,957
- I got it all figured out, sir.
41
00:02:59,394 --> 00:03:00,830
- Hold it.
42
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,540
Okay.
43
00:03:15,714 --> 00:03:17,586
- Here's how it's gonna work.
44
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,328
Now the vehicle that's
carrying the fuel
45
00:03:20,502 --> 00:03:22,504
is a 1 1/2 ton truck, right?
- Right.
46
00:03:23,461 --> 00:03:25,463
- Therefore, I've
set this trigger,
47
00:03:25,637 --> 00:03:27,465
so that only a
vehicle of that weight
48
00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:28,858
can set off the charge.
49
00:03:29,032 --> 00:03:30,642
- Right.
50
00:03:30,816 --> 00:03:33,123
- Now then, the truck's
gonna come this way tomorrow
51
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:35,386
between 1:30 and 1:45.
52
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,910
Therefore, I calculate
the exact number
53
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,348
of hours and minutes
between now and then,
54
00:03:40,522 --> 00:03:43,002
so that I can set this
precision timer perfectly.
55
00:03:43,177 --> 00:03:45,744
- And you've calculated
it to the exact second?
56
00:03:45,918 --> 00:03:47,659
- Oh, right.
- Good.
57
00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:48,617
- Oh there's one thing, Colonel.
58
00:03:48,791 --> 00:03:50,097
- What?
59
00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:51,620
- I forgot my watch.
60
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,552
- Right, go get in the tunnel.
61
00:04:15,034 --> 00:04:16,514
- All right, Kinch,
radio the underground.
62
00:04:16,688 --> 00:04:18,647
Tell them we mined the bridge.
- Right.
63
00:04:23,565 --> 00:04:25,567
- Any chance they might
suspect us, Colonel?
64
00:04:25,741 --> 00:04:27,308
- When that bridge blows,
we'll be back in camp.
65
00:04:27,482 --> 00:04:29,223
We haven't missed
a roll call yet.
66
00:04:29,397 --> 00:04:30,398
Where's Carter?
67
00:04:30,572 --> 00:04:32,008
- He was there a minute ago.
68
00:04:32,182 --> 00:04:34,837
Leave it to him to
make a mess of things.
69
00:04:35,011 --> 00:04:36,143
- Go ahead, LeBeau.
70
00:04:44,716 --> 00:04:45,935
Where have you been?
71
00:04:46,109 --> 00:04:47,545
- I went to the
wrong tree trunk.
72
00:04:47,719 --> 00:04:49,068
- Carter, did you ever feel
73
00:04:49,243 --> 00:04:50,853
that you were in the
wrong line of work?
74
00:04:51,027 --> 00:04:52,681
- Well, I once seriously
considered becoming a doctor.
75
00:04:52,855 --> 00:04:53,899
- Oh, good choice.
76
00:04:54,073 --> 00:04:55,640
Brain surgeon?
- Yeah.
77
00:04:55,814 --> 00:04:56,859
- Get in the tunnel.
78
00:05:04,736 --> 00:05:06,085
- Want some coffee?
- Yeah, sure.
79
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:09,001
How about this?
80
00:05:10,873 --> 00:05:12,527
- Hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it!
81
00:05:12,701 --> 00:05:14,181
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
82
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:18,707
Back, back, back, back, back.
83
00:05:18,881 --> 00:05:21,013
Sit down, and behave,
84
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,580
or you won't get any mail.
85
00:05:22,754 --> 00:05:25,279
- Let's go.
- They're not your letters.
86
00:05:25,453 --> 00:05:26,889
- Oh Colonel Hogan!
87
00:05:29,152 --> 00:05:30,545
- Thanks, Schultz.
- Come on, Schultzy.
88
00:05:30,719 --> 00:05:32,416
- Sergeant Kinch.
89
00:05:32,590 --> 00:05:34,201
- Is there one for me?
- Thanks.
90
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:36,899
- Corporal LeBeau.
91
00:05:38,161 --> 00:05:39,380
- Mm, I can tell by the scent
92
00:05:39,554 --> 00:05:41,077
it's from my
Paulette in Bordeaux.
93
00:05:42,731 --> 00:05:44,820
- Smells to me like
aftershave lotion.
94
00:05:44,994 --> 00:05:46,517
- Where do you expect
her to get perfume?
95
00:05:46,691 --> 00:05:48,780
We're at war, you know.
96
00:05:48,954 --> 00:05:52,262
Got anything
for me, Schultzy?
97
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:53,742
- Newkirk.
98
00:05:53,916 --> 00:05:56,179
- Oh thanks, old boy.
99
00:05:56,353 --> 00:05:58,225
- Here, Hansen.
100
00:05:58,399 --> 00:05:59,661
Saunders.
101
00:06:02,098 --> 00:06:03,142
Sergeant,
102
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:10,498
Sergeant Little Deer Who Goes
Swift and Sure Through Forest?
103
00:06:10,672 --> 00:06:11,977
- You're kidding.
104
00:06:12,151 --> 00:06:12,935
- That's what it says.
105
00:06:13,109 --> 00:06:14,937
- That's me.
106
00:06:15,111 --> 00:06:18,810
- You're Little Deer Who Goes
Swift and Sure Through Forest?
107
00:06:18,984 --> 00:06:20,203
- That's right.
108
00:06:23,119 --> 00:06:24,599
- I think he's just
broke his hoof.
109
00:06:24,773 --> 00:06:26,383
- If I were you, Little Deer,
110
00:06:26,557 --> 00:06:29,691
I'd stay out of the woods
during the hunting season.
111
00:06:29,865 --> 00:06:31,519
- All right, have
your little joke.
112
00:06:31,693 --> 00:06:33,172
- I didn't know you had
Indian blood, Carter.
113
00:06:33,347 --> 00:06:34,783
- Oh sure, we're from
the Sioux Indians.
114
00:06:34,957 --> 00:06:37,046
My great grandfather
fought with Sitting Bull.
115
00:06:37,220 --> 00:06:39,527
- Oh you mean, you
are real Indian,
116
00:06:39,701 --> 00:06:40,615
like in the movies?
117
00:06:43,313 --> 00:06:45,097
- Schultz has got some
Indian blood, too.
118
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,317
- He's got natural rhythm.
119
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:51,539
- Hey, Little Deer, who's
the letter from, Pocahontas?
120
00:06:51,713 --> 00:06:53,497
- Happens to be from my
cousin in North Dakota.
121
00:06:53,671 --> 00:06:54,977
- What is his name?
122
00:06:56,108 --> 00:06:59,242
- Angry Rabbit Who has
Thorn in Cottontail.
123
00:06:59,416 --> 00:07:02,027
- That'd make anybody angry.
124
00:07:02,201 --> 00:07:03,812
- This is wunderbar!
125
00:07:03,986 --> 00:07:06,945
I always wanted to meet
a real life Indian.
126
00:07:07,119 --> 00:07:09,905
Oh, I can hardly wait
to tell it to my wife.
127
00:07:10,079 --> 00:07:11,515
Oh by the way, Colonel Hogan,
128
00:07:11,689 --> 00:07:13,735
Colonel Klink wants to
see you in his office.
129
00:07:13,909 --> 00:07:14,866
- All right, Schultz.
130
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,390
- Goodbye, chief.
131
00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:20,524
- What does your
cousin say, Carter?
132
00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:28,706
- Oh, I'm glad he's
feeling better.
133
00:07:32,231 --> 00:07:34,190
- Come in, come in, come in.
134
00:07:34,364 --> 00:07:36,148
- You wanted to see
me, Colonel Klink?
135
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,585
- Yes, Hogan.
136
00:07:37,759 --> 00:07:39,456
I want your men to
prepare a barracks
137
00:07:39,630 --> 00:07:41,893
- for 12 new American prisoners.
- I don't think it's in our deal
138
00:07:42,067 --> 00:07:43,330
to provide you
with maid service.
139
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:44,940
- Hogan, these are
your countrymen.
140
00:07:45,114 --> 00:07:47,246
I should think that
you would be delighted
141
00:07:47,421 --> 00:07:48,770
to want to make things
comfortable for them.
142
00:07:48,944 --> 00:07:50,337
- Oh, I'll see that
each one of them
143
00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:52,251
has a pipe and slippers
by his bunk, then.
144
00:07:52,426 --> 00:07:54,732
- Your sarcasm does
not impress me, Hogan.
145
00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:56,517
- When are they arriving?
146
00:07:56,691 --> 00:07:59,694
- The prisoners are due to leave
Wiesbaden in a few minutes.
147
00:07:59,868 --> 00:08:02,000
They will be here between
one and two o'clock.
148
00:08:02,174 --> 00:08:03,915
- We'll have it
ready, Commandant.
149
00:08:07,092 --> 00:08:08,920
You did say
Wiesbaden, didn't you?
150
00:08:09,094 --> 00:08:09,965
- That's right.
151
00:08:11,140 --> 00:08:13,360
- And they'll have to cross
over the Dusseldorf River?
152
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:14,709
- Yes.
153
00:08:15,623 --> 00:08:16,972
- By way of the
Hammelburg Bridge?
154
00:08:20,236 --> 00:08:23,108
- Why are you so interested
from which way they're coming?
155
00:08:23,282 --> 00:08:24,893
- I want to make sure they
come by the scenic route.
156
00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:26,416
There's nothing
like a nice drive
157
00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,549
down the Dusseldorf
in a staff car.
158
00:08:28,723 --> 00:08:30,855
- They happen to be
coming in a truck.
159
00:08:34,163 --> 00:08:35,599
- Oh, I have to hand
it to Burkhalter.
160
00:08:35,773 --> 00:08:37,340
He's done it again.
161
00:08:37,514 --> 00:08:39,255
- He's done what again?
162
00:08:39,429 --> 00:08:41,257
- It's obvious this is another
one of Burkhalter's schemes
163
00:08:41,431 --> 00:08:42,432
to get you, Colonel.
164
00:08:44,129 --> 00:08:45,653
- May I remind
you, Colonel Hogan,
165
00:08:45,827 --> 00:08:47,829
that General Burkhalter
has only the highest
166
00:08:48,003 --> 00:08:49,613
admiration and respect for me?
167
00:08:49,787 --> 00:08:51,310
And he's sending
these prisoners to me
168
00:08:51,485 --> 00:08:54,096
because he knows that
I'm the finest commandant
169
00:08:54,270 --> 00:08:56,011
of any German prison camp.
170
00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:58,405
And what do you
think his scheme is?
171
00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,624
- It's the same old story.
172
00:09:00,798 --> 00:09:02,496
He wants to make you look bad.
173
00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:05,586
He wants to break your
perfect record of no escapes.
174
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,283
- But what has this
got to do with it?
175
00:09:07,457 --> 00:09:10,199
- 12 new prisoners with
the same old understaffed,
176
00:09:10,373 --> 00:09:12,549
overworked stir crazy guards.
177
00:09:12,723 --> 00:09:14,203
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
178
00:09:14,377 --> 00:09:16,858
- 12 new prisoners, 12
more chances of escape.
179
00:09:17,032 --> 00:09:20,252
Burkhalter's getting
better odds every day.
180
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,037
- Perhaps I should call him.
181
00:09:24,126 --> 00:09:25,736
Fraulein Hilda, get
me General Burkhalter
182
00:09:25,910 --> 00:09:28,260
on the phone at once.
- I like a man of action, sir.
183
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,785
- I saw through Burkhalter's
scheme all along.
184
00:09:30,959 --> 00:09:32,787
- You've got to get up
pretty early in the morning
185
00:09:32,961 --> 00:09:35,050
to fool Colonel Klink.
186
00:09:35,224 --> 00:09:37,052
- General Burkhalter, this
is Colonel Klink speaking.
187
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,967
General Burkhalter,
I must insist
188
00:09:39,141 --> 00:09:40,577
that the 12 new
American prisoners
189
00:09:40,751 --> 00:09:42,884
be sent to another
stalag at once.
190
00:09:45,190 --> 00:09:46,931
Please General Burkhalter,
try to understand.
191
00:09:47,105 --> 00:09:48,933
We are already overcrowded here.
192
00:09:49,107 --> 00:09:50,718
My guards are understaffed
and overworked.
193
00:09:50,892 --> 00:09:52,197
- Don't forget the
stir crazy bit.
194
00:09:52,371 --> 00:09:54,765
- And we're going
stir crazy, sir.
195
00:09:54,939 --> 00:09:56,158
What's that?
196
00:09:56,332 --> 00:09:58,073
No sir, I do not speak Russian.
197
00:10:00,292 --> 00:10:01,250
Yes sir, Russian.
198
00:10:02,817 --> 00:10:05,080
It was merely a suggestion,
General Burkhalter.
199
00:10:05,254 --> 00:10:09,127
I assure you, 12 new prisoners
won't be any trouble at all.
200
00:10:09,301 --> 00:10:10,738
As a matter of fact, sir,
201
00:10:10,912 --> 00:10:12,522
may I suggest that you
send me 40 or 50 more?
202
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:16,178
I will welcome them
with open arms, sir.
203
00:10:16,352 --> 00:10:19,268
Yes sir, only 12
prisoners, yes sir.
204
00:10:20,356 --> 00:10:23,228
Well, General Burkhalter, it
has been absolutely wonderful
205
00:10:23,402 --> 00:10:24,403
having this little
chat with you.
206
00:10:24,578 --> 00:10:25,579
Heil Hitler.
207
00:10:27,798 --> 00:10:29,974
Prepare for 12 new prisoners.
208
00:10:30,148 --> 00:10:31,628
They'll be here
within two hours.
209
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:35,719
And Hogan!
210
00:10:36,938 --> 00:10:38,722
Dismissed.
211
00:10:41,856 --> 00:10:44,206
- Hilda, what kind of a truck
are the new prisoners coming in?
212
00:10:44,380 --> 00:10:45,860
- A German truck.
213
00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:46,991
You see, all the good
trucks have been sent-
214
00:10:47,165 --> 00:10:48,732
- I know that.
What size?
215
00:10:52,475 --> 00:10:54,651
- A 1 1/2 ton truck.
216
00:10:54,825 --> 00:10:56,392
But, I shouldn't be
telling you this.
217
00:10:56,566 --> 00:10:58,089
- Don't feel bad,
218
00:10:58,263 --> 00:10:59,438
you're not giving comfort
and aid to the enemy.
219
00:11:04,966 --> 00:11:06,881
- Hey, come on Carter, show
us how to do the dance.
220
00:11:07,055 --> 00:11:08,709
- Why don't you two
just knock it off?
221
00:11:08,883 --> 00:11:10,798
- But we want you to help
us with the rain dance.
222
00:11:10,972 --> 00:11:12,321
- Yeah, if it rains we
won't have to go outside
223
00:11:12,495 --> 00:11:14,671
and do those ruddy exercises.
224
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,804
- We Sioux aren't too
much on rain dances.
225
00:11:16,978 --> 00:11:18,762
Massacres are more our style.
226
00:11:18,936 --> 00:11:20,547
And if you two fellas will wait
227
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,026
until I get through carving
this old bow and arrow,
228
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,246
I'll be happy to give ya
a little demonstration.
229
00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:27,292
- That's not very nice.
- Oh come on, Carter.
230
00:11:27,466 --> 00:11:28,859
Be a sweet Sioux.
231
00:11:31,035 --> 00:11:32,733
- All right, fellas,
gather round.
232
00:11:32,907 --> 00:11:34,256
- Something the matter, Colonel?
233
00:11:34,430 --> 00:11:35,605
- Now don't tell me old
Klink's on the war path.
234
00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:37,302
Nothing personal, Carter.
235
00:11:37,476 --> 00:11:39,435
- I just found out a group
of American prisoners
236
00:11:39,609 --> 00:11:41,263
is crossing the Hammelburg
Bridge in a truck
237
00:11:41,437 --> 00:11:44,092
between 1:30 and 1:45.
238
00:11:44,266 --> 00:11:46,311
- Hey, if they cross that
bridge before that fuel truck,
239
00:11:46,485 --> 00:11:47,835
they're gonna be blown sky high.
240
00:11:48,009 --> 00:11:49,271
- Exactly.
241
00:11:49,445 --> 00:11:50,185
- One of us had
better get out there
242
00:11:50,359 --> 00:11:51,708
and de-mine that bridge.
243
00:11:51,882 --> 00:11:53,754
- Yeah, and since this
is broad daylight,
244
00:11:54,711 --> 00:11:56,583
this is a job that calls
for the little old lady.
245
00:12:01,979 --> 00:12:02,980
Do uh...
246
00:12:06,418 --> 00:12:08,856
you think you're up to the
job, Frau Newkirkburger?
247
00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:11,554
- I'll not only
de-mine the bridge,
248
00:12:11,728 --> 00:12:14,775
but I may stay around
and try and find
249
00:12:14,949 --> 00:12:17,125
a rich old widower meself.
250
00:13:05,347 --> 00:13:07,697
- What are you doing, old woman?
- Excuse me, Sergeant.
251
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:10,395
I wonder if you could
give an old lady a ride.
252
00:13:10,569 --> 00:13:11,875
- Are you out of your mind?
253
00:13:12,049 --> 00:13:13,616
This vehicle is for
military use only.
254
00:13:13,790 --> 00:13:16,010
- I was a nurse in the last war.
255
00:13:16,184 --> 00:13:17,489
Lady, please.
256
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,840
- I was a personal
nurse of Kaiser Wilhelm.
257
00:13:20,014 --> 00:13:22,494
- Lady, I cannot-
- Oh, the Kaiser.
258
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:27,325
It was more than just a
nurse-patient relationship.
259
00:13:27,499 --> 00:13:30,198
When we were alone, I
used to call him Willie.
260
00:13:30,372 --> 00:13:33,288
And he used to call me Bubbie.
261
00:13:33,462 --> 00:13:36,813
- My dear frau, I must deliver
this truckload of prisoners.
262
00:13:36,987 --> 00:13:38,685
- It would only take
you a few minutes
263
00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:41,731
to give an old lady a ride
to her granddaughter's.
264
00:13:42,558 --> 00:13:45,866
Oh, Stalin should have
my rheumatism today.
265
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,695
- I cannot be concerned
with your rheumatism.
266
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,566
- I understand, Sergeant,
267
00:13:50,740 --> 00:13:54,396
but it seems a shame you
won't meet my granddaughter,
268
00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:57,138
the out of work fan dancer.
269
00:13:59,096 --> 00:14:01,403
- Your granddaughter
is a fan dancer?
270
00:14:01,577 --> 00:14:05,494
- Oh, she's so
beautiful, so lonely.
271
00:14:05,668 --> 00:14:08,932
Now that all of you handsome
men are off in the army.
272
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:12,414
She just sits alone
in her apartment,
273
00:14:12,588 --> 00:14:13,937
just her two fans.
274
00:14:18,072 --> 00:14:22,076
- Of course, if your
rheumatism is so bad.
275
00:14:23,251 --> 00:14:25,688
And well, the Kaiser's nurse.
276
00:14:25,862 --> 00:14:29,648
Perhaps, perhaps we could take
you to your granddaughter.
277
00:14:33,391 --> 00:14:35,089
- What were you
saying, Sergeant?
278
00:14:35,263 --> 00:14:37,700
- I said, perhaps we could take
you in the truck after all.
279
00:14:46,013 --> 00:14:48,058
- You can forget
your ride, Sergeant.
280
00:14:48,232 --> 00:14:51,105
Your military trucks
are too dangerous.
281
00:14:55,457 --> 00:14:57,807
Hey, you ought to have seen
the look on that Kraut's face
282
00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,591
when the bridge and
the truck exploded
283
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:00,941
with all that jet fuel.
284
00:15:01,115 --> 00:15:02,856
Oh blimey, it was something.
285
00:15:03,030 --> 00:15:05,902
And his eyes, his
eyes got as big as,
286
00:15:06,076 --> 00:15:08,949
well almost as big as when I
told him about the fan dancer.
287
00:15:09,123 --> 00:15:10,994
- Hey Newkirk, that
was an inspiration.
288
00:15:11,168 --> 00:15:12,604
- I could've never
thought of that.
289
00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:15,607
- Well, it comes
easy to me, chums.
290
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,392
Haven't you ever noticed
the occasional feather
291
00:15:17,566 --> 00:15:19,611
dropping out me envelopes?
- Hey, mission accomplished.
292
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,178
- Hey, let's celebrate,
293
00:15:21,352 --> 00:15:22,571
and we'll open the
bottle of vintage wine.
294
00:15:22,745 --> 00:15:23,877
It's almost four hours old.
295
00:15:24,051 --> 00:15:26,140
Marvelous.
296
00:15:26,314 --> 00:15:28,359
- Take the glasses.
- Yeah.
297
00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,013
- Hey, there's something
I gotta tell ya.
298
00:15:30,187 --> 00:15:31,493
I was standing there, right?
299
00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:33,277
The truck goes up, boom!
300
00:15:33,451 --> 00:15:36,019
Dirt all over the
place, and there was-
301
00:15:42,156 --> 00:15:43,244
Hello, Hogan.
302
00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,682
Guards have been posted
around the barracks,
303
00:15:46,856 --> 00:15:50,817
and you and your men are
restricted to the quarters.
304
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:52,383
- Oh just a minute, Schultz.
305
00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:56,344
- Those are my orders,
and anybody seen outside
306
00:15:56,518 --> 00:15:58,041
will be shot.
- Will be shot.
307
00:15:58,215 --> 00:15:59,347
- What is it this time, Schultz?
308
00:15:59,521 --> 00:16:00,348
- I know nothing.
309
00:16:00,522 --> 00:16:01,523
- I know what it is.
310
00:16:01,697 --> 00:16:03,003
- We all know what it is.
311
00:16:03,177 --> 00:16:04,613
- Who said sabotage?
312
00:16:04,787 --> 00:16:06,310
- I did.
313
00:16:06,484 --> 00:16:09,748
- Why is it we can never
keep a secret from you?
314
00:16:09,923 --> 00:16:11,098
- Because the other guards
315
00:16:11,272 --> 00:16:12,882
are not as close-mouthed
as you, Schultz.
316
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:17,147
- All right, but nobody
leaves until further notice.
317
00:16:17,321 --> 00:16:18,496
Verstanden?
318
00:16:18,670 --> 00:16:22,065
Verstanden.
319
00:16:22,239 --> 00:16:25,373
- So anyway, everything's
flying though, eh?
320
00:16:25,547 --> 00:16:28,593
Carter.
321
00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,160
Will you do me a favor?
322
00:16:30,334 --> 00:16:33,947
When you write home, ask
them for the little hat
323
00:16:34,121 --> 00:16:36,471
with the feather on top.
324
00:16:36,645 --> 00:16:38,038
- And if he can't get one,
325
00:16:38,212 --> 00:16:40,649
Newkirk's girlfriend
will send you one.
326
00:16:40,823 --> 00:16:41,693
- Thank you.
327
00:16:45,175 --> 00:16:46,437
- Hey Colonel, I finished
my bow and arrow.
328
00:16:46,611 --> 00:16:47,961
You want me to show
you how to use it?
329
00:16:48,135 --> 00:16:49,397
- Not now, Carter.
- Just take a minute.
330
00:16:53,836 --> 00:16:56,012
- Colonel, the underground
just contacted us.
331
00:16:56,186 --> 00:16:57,274
- They're gonna send champagne?
332
00:16:57,448 --> 00:16:58,754
- Nope.
333
00:16:58,928 --> 00:17:00,060
- Oh, that's great.
334
00:17:00,234 --> 00:17:01,583
I go out and risk my life,
335
00:17:01,757 --> 00:17:03,280
and that's the way they
show their appreciation.
336
00:17:04,586 --> 00:17:07,632
- They do appreciate your
risking your life, Newkirk.
337
00:17:07,806 --> 00:17:10,070
But the jet fuel wasn't
in the truck we blew up.
338
00:17:10,244 --> 00:17:11,810
- You serious?
- Yep.
339
00:17:11,985 --> 00:17:13,334
- What was the truck carrying?
340
00:17:13,508 --> 00:17:14,944
- Our Red Cross packages.
341
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,554
- Where's the truck
with the jet fuel?
342
00:17:16,728 --> 00:17:17,860
- It's been rerouted.
343
00:17:18,034 --> 00:17:19,340
- What's the new route?
344
00:17:19,514 --> 00:17:21,342
- It's due to pass right
by this camp tonight,
345
00:17:21,516 --> 00:17:22,996
between nine and 9:15.
346
00:17:23,170 --> 00:17:24,954
And they still want
us to knock it off.
347
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,696
- They've got Krauts
crawling all over the place!
348
00:17:27,870 --> 00:17:29,567
They're even at the
opening of the tunnel.
349
00:17:30,264 --> 00:17:31,874
How can we do anything?
350
00:17:32,048 --> 00:17:34,224
- They didn't say
how, they said do.
351
00:17:34,398 --> 00:17:36,096
- Don't worry sir, we'll
think of something.
352
00:17:36,270 --> 00:17:37,662
- Yeah, well if somebody
comes up with a brainstorm,
353
00:17:37,836 --> 00:17:39,055
I'll be in my office.
354
00:17:39,229 --> 00:17:40,622
LeBeau, put away
the wine, please.
355
00:17:40,796 --> 00:17:41,928
Let it age a few more hours.
356
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,233
Right.
357
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:46,193
Do they really think that
jet fuel is so important?
358
00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:47,803
- They said it could
be the difference
359
00:17:47,977 --> 00:17:49,196
between winning and losing.
360
00:17:49,370 --> 00:17:51,459
- Just isn't fair.
361
00:17:51,633 --> 00:17:54,375
Why is it always one of us
that has to do the dirty work?
362
00:17:57,595 --> 00:17:59,554
Are you all right, Colonel?
363
00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:01,121
- Carter, I had nothing to do
364
00:18:01,295 --> 00:18:03,166
with the sale of
Manhattan Island.
365
00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:06,082
24 bucks was Peter
Stuyvesant's idea.
366
00:18:06,256 --> 00:18:07,954
- Sorry sir, I was
testing the bow string
367
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:10,173
and it must've slipped.
- Carter, put that thing away.
368
00:18:10,347 --> 00:18:12,175
You're a ruddy menace.
- Oh, leave him alone.
369
00:18:12,349 --> 00:18:14,047
Better a bow and
arrow than a tomahawk.
370
00:18:14,221 --> 00:18:15,396
- I'm glad it didn't
fly through the window.
371
00:18:15,570 --> 00:18:16,875
These things aren't
easy to make.
372
00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:18,616
Hey, hold a minute,
fellas.
373
00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:21,619
Carter, is that the best you
can do with your Native weapon?
374
00:18:21,793 --> 00:18:23,491
- Oh no sir, I won
a lot of trophies
375
00:18:23,665 --> 00:18:24,796
with this thing back home.
376
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,276
It's like riding a bicycle.
377
00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:27,974
Once you learn, you
never forget it.
378
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:29,018
- Kinch?
- Yeah.
379
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,237
- Come with me.
380
00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:33,631
How far would you say
it is from this window,
381
00:18:35,416 --> 00:18:37,374
to the road just
outside of the camp?
382
00:18:38,419 --> 00:18:40,638
- Well, I can throw a
football about 50 yards,
383
00:18:40,812 --> 00:18:42,118
and I once threw a pass
384
00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:43,728
from just outside the
barracks here to Carter,
385
00:18:43,902 --> 00:18:46,166
who was standing just
inside the barbed wire.
386
00:18:46,340 --> 00:18:47,994
- And he dropped it.
387
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,170
- I'd say it's
about 60 yards, huh?
388
00:18:50,344 --> 00:18:51,867
- I'd say that's about it.
389
00:18:52,041 --> 00:18:53,434
- I think we could also say
390
00:18:53,608 --> 00:18:55,349
that it's within range
of Carter's arrow.
391
00:18:56,915 --> 00:18:58,743
- My arrow?
- Your flaming arrow?
392
00:18:58,917 --> 00:19:01,224
- What have you got
in mind, Colonel?
393
00:19:01,398 --> 00:19:04,271
- Carter's people burned
up a lot of covered wagons.
394
00:19:04,445 --> 00:19:06,795
Just think what a flaming arrow
395
00:19:06,969 --> 00:19:10,059
could do to a truck
carrying jet fuel.
396
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,669
- That's a smashing idea.
397
00:19:11,843 --> 00:19:13,976
- And to think we owe
it all to Little Deer.
398
00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:17,501
- Who Goes Swift and
Sure Through Forest.
399
00:19:17,675 --> 00:19:19,721
- German military
vehicles have governors,
400
00:19:19,895 --> 00:19:22,376
and they never travel at
more than 35 miles an hour.
401
00:19:22,550 --> 00:19:25,074
Now the truck will be coming
down the road from the north,
402
00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:26,771
and the wind is from the south.
403
00:19:26,945 --> 00:19:29,296
That means the arrow
should be aimed
404
00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:32,647
about 15 yards in front
of the moving vehicle.
405
00:19:32,821 --> 00:19:36,999
Now, figuring the area of
canvas on a 1 1/2 ton truck,
406
00:19:37,173 --> 00:19:38,696
that should give Carter
407
00:19:38,870 --> 00:19:40,872
about a seven to 10
foot margin for error.
408
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:42,961
- And I'd say he'd
need every foot of it.
409
00:19:43,136 --> 00:19:44,789
- We're not gonna
take any chances.
410
00:19:44,963 --> 00:19:47,096
Newkirk, take Little
Deer down to the tunnel
411
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,272
and practice 'til showtime.
- Right, sir.
412
00:19:49,446 --> 00:19:52,449
The moment I check
out my GI insurance.
413
00:19:52,623 --> 00:19:55,061
- Didn't need Newkirk at
the Little Bighorn, sir.
414
00:20:00,414 --> 00:20:02,764
This is the first
time I made arrow flambe.
415
00:20:02,938 --> 00:20:04,200
- Better write down the recipe.
416
00:20:04,374 --> 00:20:05,593
We may use it again.
417
00:20:06,768 --> 00:20:08,291
- How's Little Deer doing
with the bow and arrow?
418
00:20:08,465 --> 00:20:09,988
- Just don't lend
him your bicycle.
419
00:20:10,163 --> 00:20:11,294
Roll call!
420
00:20:11,468 --> 00:20:12,730
Roll call!
421
00:20:12,904 --> 00:20:14,254
- All right look,
everybody outside
422
00:20:14,428 --> 00:20:15,646
except Newkirk and
Carter, come with me.
423
00:20:15,820 --> 00:20:17,344
- Schultz will know
you're missing.
424
00:20:17,518 --> 00:20:17,866
- Create a confusion,
we'll be out in a minute.
425
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:18,258
- Right.
426
00:20:19,694 --> 00:20:21,609
- All right Carter, any
second, get it ready.
427
00:20:21,783 --> 00:20:23,132
- You got a match, Newkirk?
428
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,395
- Oh, some Indian you are.
429
00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:27,615
- Remember, lead the
truck by about 15 yards.
430
00:20:27,789 --> 00:20:29,051
- Why do we need a roll call
431
00:20:29,225 --> 00:20:30,444
at this time of the
night, Schultzy?
432
00:20:30,618 --> 00:20:32,010
- Colonel Klink ordered it.
433
00:20:32,185 --> 00:20:33,925
It is not up to you, LeBeau.
434
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,624
- Let's leave it up
to the others, then.
435
00:20:36,798 --> 00:20:41,019
All of those in favor of
roll call, raise your hand!
436
00:20:41,194 --> 00:20:43,544
All of those opposed
to a roll call?
437
00:20:45,589 --> 00:20:49,637
- Hey, hold, hold it!
438
00:20:49,811 --> 00:20:54,207
I will not stand for
any insubordination.
439
00:20:54,381 --> 00:20:57,210
- Good word!
- Thank you.
440
00:20:59,081 --> 00:21:00,822
- Just get back.
441
00:21:01,823 --> 00:21:03,868
- Where is Colonel Hogan?
442
00:21:04,042 --> 00:21:06,436
And where is Newkirk?
443
00:21:06,610 --> 00:21:08,221
And where is
444
00:21:08,395 --> 00:21:13,008
Little Deer That Goes Swift
and Sure Through Forest?
445
00:21:13,182 --> 00:21:14,705
- I guess they were asleep.
446
00:21:14,879 --> 00:21:16,185
- Colonel Hogan!
447
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,970
Everybody out for roll call!
448
00:21:20,972 --> 00:21:22,626
- All right Carter, let it fly!
449
00:21:27,196 --> 00:21:29,067
- No wonder you lost the West.
450
00:21:35,857 --> 00:21:37,119
- Beautiful, Newkirk.
451
00:21:37,293 --> 00:21:38,729
You've got Indian
blood in you, too.
452
00:21:38,903 --> 00:21:40,427
- Well actually sir,
descended from Robin Hood.
453
00:21:40,601 --> 00:21:41,906
- Yeah.
- If you like, for an encore,
454
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,256
I'll go out and rob
some rich people.
455
00:21:43,430 --> 00:21:44,735
- Forget it,
the truck should be
456
00:21:44,909 --> 00:21:46,215
passing the front gate
in about a minute.
457
00:21:46,389 --> 00:21:47,956
- Are all the men
assembled, Schultz?
458
00:21:48,130 --> 00:21:49,523
- We're waiting for Colonel
Hogan, Herr Commandant.
459
00:21:49,697 --> 00:21:52,003
- You're not waiting
for me, Schultz.
460
00:21:52,178 --> 00:21:55,355
- Prisoners, your
stupid underground
461
00:21:55,529 --> 00:21:58,009
has attempted to stop
the shipment
462
00:21:58,184 --> 00:21:59,924
of a vital war material.
463
00:22:01,491 --> 00:22:02,797
At this very moment,
464
00:22:03,711 --> 00:22:06,627
a truck with
experimental jet fuel,
465
00:22:06,801 --> 00:22:08,933
and one of Germany's most
brilliant scientists,
466
00:22:09,107 --> 00:22:11,545
is passing by this very camp.
467
00:22:11,719 --> 00:22:13,721
On its way to Berlin
468
00:22:13,895 --> 00:22:17,551
with ultimate victory for
our glorious fatherland.
469
00:22:30,433 --> 00:22:32,479
- You were saying, Colonel?
470
00:22:32,653 --> 00:22:34,350
- I can't believe it.
471
00:22:34,524 --> 00:22:36,265
- You know, you think
a brilliant scientist
472
00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:39,094
would be smart enough to
put up a no smoking sign.
473
00:22:49,844 --> 00:22:50,932
Hi, Schultz.
474
00:22:51,889 --> 00:22:53,326
- Hogan!
475
00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:56,590
Commandant Klink is
very angry at you.
476
00:22:56,764 --> 00:22:58,113
- He'll get over it, Schultz.
477
00:22:58,287 --> 00:23:00,071
Got a gift for you, from Carter.
- Yeah?
478
00:23:00,246 --> 00:23:02,639
- He's made you an honorary
chief of the Sioux tribe.
479
00:23:06,556 --> 00:23:08,166
- Beautiful.
480
00:23:11,431 --> 00:23:12,432
- Uh-huh.
481
00:23:17,567 --> 00:23:19,003
He's also given you
a new name, Schultz.
482
00:23:19,177 --> 00:23:20,440
- What, what, what, what?
483
00:23:20,614 --> 00:23:21,876
- You are now Big
Chief Running Bear
484
00:23:22,050 --> 00:23:24,879
Who Goes Swift and
Sure to Beer Garden.
485
00:23:25,053 --> 00:23:28,012
- Or you could be
Big Fat Schultz
486
00:23:28,186 --> 00:23:32,843
Who Goes Swift and
Sure to Russian Front.
487
00:23:33,017 --> 00:23:34,932
Colonel Hogan, you and your
men are restricted to barracks
488
00:23:35,106 --> 00:23:36,673
and all privileges are canceled.
- Why?
489
00:23:36,847 --> 00:23:39,110
- Because, the lights
were still on at 10:30.
490
00:23:39,285 --> 00:23:40,590
- It's not every night, sir,
491
00:23:40,764 --> 00:23:42,636
we get a chance to see a
German truck barbecued.
492
00:23:42,810 --> 00:23:46,292
- I can assure you, Hogan,
we will find those saboteurs.
493
00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:51,166
Dismissed.
494
00:23:51,340 --> 00:23:53,037
- He took my feather.
495
00:23:53,995 --> 00:23:56,084
- I'd say we scalp him,
but somebody beat us to it.
496
00:24:20,935 --> 00:24:22,328
- Colonel, I think the penal,
497
00:24:24,982 --> 00:24:25,983
sorry, Chief.
498
00:24:26,723 --> 00:24:28,595
- Out!
37014
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