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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:50,526 --> 00:00:52,006 - I'm going to build one of these bunks, you know, 2 00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:53,398 at home after the war. 3 00:00:53,572 --> 00:00:54,443 - What are you going to do with it? 4 00:00:54,617 --> 00:00:56,706 - I think I'll chop it up. 5 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,534 - I'm not sure I should get rid of this old mattress. 6 00:00:58,708 --> 00:01:01,406 It's so nice and thin, I could use it as a sheet. 7 00:01:03,234 --> 00:01:05,236 - Oh, look at the lumps in that bloody thing. 8 00:01:05,410 --> 00:01:06,803 How'd you ever sleep in it? 9 00:01:06,977 --> 00:01:08,196 - For every lump in that mattress, 10 00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:10,111 there's a corresponding dent in me. 11 00:01:11,242 --> 00:01:12,635 - Oh, schnell yourself. 12 00:01:12,809 --> 00:01:14,550 - You should be glad to get new mattresses. 13 00:01:14,724 --> 00:01:18,380 - I am, Schultz, but it's like losing an old friend. 14 00:01:18,554 --> 00:01:20,164 - What's the angle, Colonel? 15 00:01:20,338 --> 00:01:21,861 - Angle? What do you mean? 16 00:01:22,036 --> 00:01:24,038 - Yesterday, a new stove. Today, new mattresses. 17 00:01:24,212 --> 00:01:25,909 - I don't understand you, Hogan. 18 00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:28,259 Every time I do something decent, must I have an angle? 19 00:01:28,433 --> 00:01:31,959 - Yes. - Dismissed. 20 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,178 Oh, Hogan, you better see to it 21 00:01:34,352 --> 00:01:35,963 that the barracks are in order. 22 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,139 The Red Cross inspector's going to surprise us with a visit. 23 00:01:38,313 --> 00:01:39,836 - Mm-hmm, and as soon as he leaves, 24 00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:41,359 so do the new mattresses. 25 00:01:41,533 --> 00:01:43,622 - You know, I never thought of that. 26 00:01:43,796 --> 00:01:45,407 Hogan, I think you would have made 27 00:01:45,581 --> 00:01:47,800 an excellent prison commandant. 28 00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:49,541 - I applied for the job, but they wouldn't take me. 29 00:01:49,715 --> 00:01:50,803 I passed the mental test. 30 00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:01,031 - Schultz. 31 00:02:05,731 --> 00:02:07,124 Come on, Schultz. 32 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:11,737 Fancy bumping into you. 33 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:18,701 - Major Hochstetter, how very nice of you to drop by. 34 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:22,531 - If anyone makes an unnecessary move, shoot to kill. 35 00:02:22,705 --> 00:02:24,141 - Shoot to kill? 36 00:02:24,315 --> 00:02:25,012 What do you have in the truck, prisoners? 37 00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:27,666 - No, dancing girls. 38 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,320 Of course prisoners. 39 00:02:29,494 --> 00:02:31,279 The most important prisoners you will ever see. 40 00:02:31,453 --> 00:02:33,368 Every important leader of the underground movement. 41 00:02:33,542 --> 00:02:35,370 - Well, my congratulations, Major Hochstetter. 42 00:02:35,544 --> 00:02:37,763 - What is this man doing here? - Oh, I'm so sorry. 43 00:02:37,937 --> 00:02:39,243 Uh, Major Hochstetter, 44 00:02:39,417 --> 00:02:40,331 this is the American prisoner, Colonel Hogan. 45 00:02:40,505 --> 00:02:41,811 Colonel Hogan, this is- 46 00:02:41,985 --> 00:02:43,595 - Klink, did I ask for an introduction? 47 00:02:43,769 --> 00:02:44,988 - I just thought I'd show the new prisoners around, 48 00:02:45,162 --> 00:02:46,337 with your permission, of course. 49 00:02:46,511 --> 00:02:48,992 - What is this man doing here? 50 00:02:49,166 --> 00:02:51,429 - Schultz, escort Colonel Hogan back to the barracks at once. 51 00:02:51,603 --> 00:02:53,475 - Jawohl, Herr Commandant. 52 00:02:53,649 --> 00:02:54,954 - A special armed guard is coming 53 00:02:55,129 --> 00:02:56,869 to take these prisoners to Berlin. 54 00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:58,610 In the meantime, I want you to prepare 55 00:02:58,784 --> 00:03:00,569 a maximum-security block for them. 56 00:03:00,743 --> 00:03:03,398 - Yes, sir, maximum security. - You can depend on me. 57 00:03:03,572 --> 00:03:05,182 - I am sure it's not necessary to tell you 58 00:03:05,356 --> 00:03:08,098 what will happen to you should there be an escape, hmm? 59 00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:10,361 An escape from Stalag 13? 60 00:03:10,535 --> 00:03:12,320 - That's a good one. - You will be shot. 61 00:03:12,494 --> 00:03:14,757 That's another good one. 62 00:03:16,976 --> 00:03:19,240 - What is this man doing here? 63 00:03:19,414 --> 00:03:20,632 - Just leaving. 64 00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:27,857 - Colonel Hogan, those prisoners won't escape 65 00:03:28,031 --> 00:03:31,382 from Stalag 13, will they? 66 00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,298 - I don't know, Schultz, but if they do, 67 00:03:34,472 --> 00:03:35,908 I'll make sure you're the first to know. 68 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,694 - Please, Colonel Hogan, if they do, 69 00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:41,349 let me be the last to know. 70 00:03:58,583 --> 00:03:59,889 - Hi, Schultzy. 71 00:04:00,063 --> 00:04:01,586 - Have a cigarette? - Go on, Schultz. 72 00:04:06,765 --> 00:04:08,202 Five guards with machine guns. 73 00:04:08,376 --> 00:04:09,507 They're sure not taking any chances 74 00:04:09,681 --> 00:04:11,118 with those underground prisoners. 75 00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,294 - And look who's guarding us. Schultz. 76 00:04:13,468 --> 00:04:15,513 I think it's a plot to make us feel worthless. 77 00:04:15,687 --> 00:04:18,299 - We will be if we don't free those prisoners. 78 00:04:18,473 --> 00:04:20,518 - I don't want to seem negative, Colonel, 79 00:04:20,692 --> 00:04:22,520 but getting those new prisoners out of the cooler 80 00:04:22,694 --> 00:04:24,435 won't exactly be a piece of cake. 81 00:04:24,609 --> 00:04:26,350 That translates into French as 82 00:04:26,524 --> 00:04:29,353 and then back into English as meaning definitely impossible. 83 00:04:29,527 --> 00:04:30,615 I'm with you. 84 00:04:30,789 --> 00:04:32,182 - From Hilda. 85 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,053 Information on the underground prisoners. 86 00:04:38,188 --> 00:04:40,756 - Lydon from Austria, Albins from Belgium, 87 00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:43,411 Calaruso from Italy, Belet from France. 88 00:04:45,064 --> 00:04:46,283 The major leaders of the underground. 89 00:04:46,457 --> 00:04:47,763 - With those fellas out of action, 90 00:04:47,937 --> 00:04:49,547 the Resistance movement will be at a standstill. 91 00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:51,027 - Well, what are we going to do about it? 92 00:04:51,201 --> 00:04:52,724 - It's simple. A tunnel. 93 00:04:52,898 --> 00:04:54,422 We dig a tunnel. - Forget it. 94 00:04:54,596 --> 00:04:56,163 It would take us a week to dig a tunnel. 95 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:57,642 That special escort will be here any day. 96 00:04:57,816 --> 00:04:59,340 - Well, all right. 97 00:04:59,514 --> 00:05:00,950 It was a rotten idea, but at least I was first. 98 00:05:01,124 --> 00:05:03,039 - The cooler they're being kept in, 99 00:05:03,213 --> 00:05:04,606 it's in pretty bad shape, isn't it? 100 00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:06,085 - Shocking. 101 00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:07,826 - And with the Red Cross inspector due, 102 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,351 it should be put in shape like the rest of the camp. 103 00:05:10,525 --> 00:05:13,049 New mattresses, new stove, right? 104 00:05:13,223 --> 00:05:14,746 - Right, but I still don't see how 105 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,661 that's going to help us get those prisoners out. 106 00:05:16,835 --> 00:05:19,186 - Good. Maybe Klink won't see how either. 107 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,710 - And despite adverse conditions, 108 00:05:21,884 --> 00:05:25,409 I am again forced to report that Stalag 13 109 00:05:25,583 --> 00:05:28,369 is operating at 100% efficiency. 110 00:05:28,543 --> 00:05:30,849 I guess that sums it up, Fraulein Hilda. 111 00:05:31,023 --> 00:05:33,112 Wouldn't you say so? - Jawohl, Herr Commandant. 112 00:05:33,287 --> 00:05:35,506 Is that all? - Not quite. 113 00:05:37,073 --> 00:05:38,509 You see, I just came into possession 114 00:05:38,683 --> 00:05:40,468 of a perfectly splendid bottle of wine, 115 00:05:40,642 --> 00:05:42,731 and I thought possibly this afternoon you and I could- 116 00:05:42,905 --> 00:05:46,343 - Not today, Colonel. I just don't quite feel up to it. 117 00:05:46,517 --> 00:05:47,431 - Perhaps tomorrow? 118 00:05:52,306 --> 00:05:53,872 Fill out that memo in triplicate 119 00:05:54,046 --> 00:05:55,744 and send it out immediately. 120 00:05:55,918 --> 00:05:56,745 - Of course, sir. 121 00:06:01,097 --> 00:06:02,620 - Hogan, I don't recall having sent for you. 122 00:06:02,794 --> 00:06:04,883 - Not a very friendly attitude. 123 00:06:05,057 --> 00:06:07,146 I certainly hope the new camp commandant is more agreeable. 124 00:06:07,321 --> 00:06:10,149 New camp... 125 00:06:10,324 --> 00:06:11,934 That's ridiculous. 126 00:06:12,108 --> 00:06:13,718 - You didn't expect to keep your job 127 00:06:13,892 --> 00:06:15,851 after the Red Cross inspector sees this place? 128 00:06:16,025 --> 00:06:17,679 - You know, Hogan, there are times 129 00:06:17,853 --> 00:06:20,334 when you can be most tiresome, and this is one of them. 130 00:06:20,508 --> 00:06:23,119 Stalag 13 is a model prison camp. 131 00:06:23,293 --> 00:06:24,686 - Really? - Every inch. 132 00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:26,383 - Including the cooler, 133 00:06:26,557 --> 00:06:28,080 where the underground prisoners are being held? 134 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,560 - The comfort of those prisoners 135 00:06:29,734 --> 00:06:31,083 is Major Hochstetter's concern, not mine. 136 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,650 - You're not concerned. 137 00:06:32,824 --> 00:06:34,304 Well, I certainly think Major Hochstetter 138 00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:35,653 wouldn't want to hear that. - Hogan. 139 00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:36,785 - Colonel, I'm trying to help you. 140 00:06:36,959 --> 00:06:38,003 Would Hochstetter do as much? 141 00:06:38,177 --> 00:06:39,614 - He gave the orders. 142 00:06:39,788 --> 00:06:41,442 No one is to interfere with his prisoners. 143 00:06:41,616 --> 00:06:43,008 - Sure, what does he care? 144 00:06:43,182 --> 00:06:44,314 Is the Red Cross going to mention his name 145 00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:45,837 to the Inspector General? 146 00:06:46,011 --> 00:06:48,275 You can bet your monocle they won't. 147 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:49,276 - But that's different. 148 00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:50,799 - Well, sure, it is. 149 00:06:50,973 --> 00:06:52,714 But just remember, the Inspector General 150 00:06:52,888 --> 00:06:56,500 always has an extra ticket handy for the Stalingrad Express. 151 00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:00,417 - Just a moment, Hogan. 152 00:07:06,205 --> 00:07:07,859 What's to be done exactly? 153 00:07:08,033 --> 00:07:10,732 - Nothing much. Clean up, a new stove. 154 00:07:10,906 --> 00:07:12,951 We have new mattresses, they should have new mattresses. 155 00:07:13,125 --> 00:07:15,214 Otherwise the old ones will stick out like a sore thumb. 156 00:07:15,389 --> 00:07:16,955 - But, but Major Hochstetter- 157 00:07:17,129 --> 00:07:19,131 - Change them when Hochstetter isn't around. 158 00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,307 It'll only take your men a few minutes. 159 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:21,612 I'll supervise for you. 160 00:07:22,744 --> 00:07:25,747 - My men? It's your idea. 161 00:07:25,921 --> 00:07:28,576 Your men will change them, and I will supervise. 162 00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:30,317 - I wouldn't have it any other way. 163 00:07:39,369 --> 00:07:40,979 - Can't your men work any faster? 164 00:07:41,153 --> 00:07:43,155 - All right, come on, fellas. Speed it up. 165 00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:47,856 - Look at the time. 166 00:07:48,030 --> 00:07:49,379 They're supposed to be finished by now. 167 00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,250 - Relax. Hochstetter's in town, isn't he? 168 00:07:51,425 --> 00:07:53,818 - What if he comes back early? - So what? Who's in charge here? 169 00:07:53,992 --> 00:07:55,211 You give the orders. 170 00:07:55,385 --> 00:07:56,255 You're not afraid of Hochstetter. 171 00:07:56,430 --> 00:07:57,822 If he interferes, tell him off. 172 00:07:57,996 --> 00:07:59,694 - Yes, of course. 173 00:07:59,868 --> 00:08:02,087 - I'm glad you feel that way, because here he comes. 174 00:08:02,261 --> 00:08:03,915 - What is going on here, Klink? 175 00:08:04,089 --> 00:08:06,048 What are these men doing around the restricted area? 176 00:08:06,222 --> 00:08:07,571 - Major Hochstetter, please control yourself. 177 00:08:07,745 --> 00:08:09,094 We're just doing a little housecleaning. 178 00:08:09,268 --> 00:08:11,096 - Housecleaning? This is a prison. 179 00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:13,316 - Major Hochstetter, back from town so soon? 180 00:08:13,490 --> 00:08:17,059 - Klink, isn't this man ever locked up? 181 00:08:17,233 --> 00:08:18,626 - Careful how you talk to Colonel Klink, sir. 182 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,497 The Gestapo doesn't frighten him. 183 00:08:20,671 --> 00:08:23,239 - Hogan! Sir, Colonel Hogan is most cooperative. 184 00:08:23,413 --> 00:08:24,980 - It's the only way to be, sir. 185 00:08:25,154 --> 00:08:26,590 And I'm sure you've got more important things to do, 186 00:08:26,764 --> 00:08:28,244 so don't let us hold you up. - What is this? 187 00:08:28,418 --> 00:08:30,028 - Uh, this is a mattress, sir. 188 00:08:30,202 --> 00:08:31,813 - I know it's a mattress. What are you doing with it? 189 00:08:31,987 --> 00:08:33,205 - Oh, that's all right, Major. 190 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,772 They are just following my orders. 191 00:08:36,513 --> 00:08:38,036 - Oh? - The Red Cross inspector. 192 00:08:38,210 --> 00:08:40,082 He would never approve those mattresses. 193 00:08:40,256 --> 00:08:41,605 - Why? - What's wrong with them? 194 00:08:41,779 --> 00:08:43,302 - Well, they're old, they're worn. 195 00:08:43,477 --> 00:08:44,739 - Probably contaminated. 196 00:08:45,914 --> 00:08:47,655 - They look all right to me. Halt! 197 00:08:52,355 --> 00:08:54,052 - Hogan, you and your men. 198 00:08:54,226 --> 00:08:55,358 - The truck. 199 00:09:02,278 --> 00:09:03,758 This is your idea of housecleaning? 200 00:09:03,932 --> 00:09:05,150 - Major Hochstetter, I don't understand. 201 00:09:05,324 --> 00:09:06,761 Believe me. - Traitor. 202 00:09:09,459 --> 00:09:12,027 From now on, anyone who crosses this line will be shot. 203 00:09:12,201 --> 00:09:15,944 - Major Hochstetter. - Especially Colonel Klink. 204 00:09:16,118 --> 00:09:17,902 - This is unheard of. I assure you. 205 00:09:18,076 --> 00:09:19,338 - Just a hunch, Colonel, 206 00:09:19,513 --> 00:09:22,690 but I don't think you're wanted around here. 207 00:09:22,864 --> 00:09:24,256 We really blew that one. 208 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:25,780 - All the way. 209 00:09:25,954 --> 00:09:27,259 - Yeah, the old Kraut's going to be pretty tough 210 00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,131 to live with from now on. 211 00:09:29,305 --> 00:09:30,959 - Oh, I can handle Klink. 212 00:09:31,133 --> 00:09:33,048 It's the guys in the underground I'm worried about. 213 00:09:33,222 --> 00:09:34,223 - We can forget about them. 214 00:09:34,397 --> 00:09:35,659 Hochstetter's doubled the guard. 215 00:09:35,833 --> 00:09:37,487 - LeBeau's right. They're done for. 216 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:39,663 - They won't get out 'til the war's over. 217 00:09:41,883 --> 00:09:42,710 - Yeah. 218 00:09:44,712 --> 00:09:45,539 Yeah, that's it. 219 00:09:46,844 --> 00:09:48,455 - What's it? - What you said. 220 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:49,978 That's the answer. 221 00:09:50,152 --> 00:09:51,283 They won't get out until the war's over. 222 00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:52,850 - So? - It's simple. 223 00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:56,375 We'll end the war. 224 00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:57,942 - Do you really think we're going to convince 225 00:09:58,116 --> 00:09:59,727 Klink and Hochstetter that the war is over? 226 00:09:59,901 --> 00:10:01,772 - There's no guarantee, but if we pull it off, 227 00:10:01,946 --> 00:10:03,861 those underground prisoners are going to go free. 228 00:10:04,035 --> 00:10:05,254 - It's got to be worth a try. 229 00:10:05,428 --> 00:10:06,864 - All right, good. Thomas? 230 00:10:07,038 --> 00:10:08,518 - The radio station in Hammelburg. 231 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,694 We'll take it exactly 4:55. 232 00:10:10,868 --> 00:10:12,043 - You got your script? - Yeah, right here. 233 00:10:12,217 --> 00:10:13,697 - All right, good. Newkirk? 234 00:10:13,871 --> 00:10:15,394 - I take care of the switchboard, sir. 235 00:10:15,569 --> 00:10:17,135 - And you intercept Hochstetter's call to Berlin. 236 00:10:17,309 --> 00:10:18,963 - But what if he doesn't make it? 237 00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:21,183 - Don't worry, he'll make it. LeBeau? 238 00:10:21,357 --> 00:10:23,272 - Dummy newspaper, plant it on Schultz. 239 00:10:23,446 --> 00:10:25,448 - Good. Now, Hilda knows what to do? 240 00:10:25,622 --> 00:10:27,276 - Don't worry. 241 00:10:27,450 --> 00:10:29,234 She'll get Klink to turn on the radio at exactly 5:00, 242 00:10:29,408 --> 00:10:33,325 just for you and a pound of coffee and six pair of nylons. 243 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,501 - Ain't love grand? 244 00:10:35,545 --> 00:10:37,329 - Thanks. Let's go. 245 00:10:39,941 --> 00:10:41,551 - Fraulein Hilda, one sip of this 246 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:45,729 and you won't be able to control yourself. 247 00:10:45,903 --> 00:10:47,383 - Why, Colonel, whatever gave you the idea 248 00:10:47,557 --> 00:10:50,908 that I would want to control myself? 249 00:10:51,082 --> 00:10:51,779 - Don't be bashful. 250 00:10:51,953 --> 00:10:52,780 Bottoms up. 251 00:10:53,824 --> 00:10:57,567 - Mm. It's marvelous. 252 00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:00,265 It makes me feel warm all over. 253 00:11:00,439 --> 00:11:02,006 - Me, too. 254 00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:03,660 - But you haven't had any yet. 255 00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:06,358 Oh. 256 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,360 - Do you know what I'd really like? 257 00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,319 - Name it. - Music. 258 00:11:10,493 --> 00:11:12,539 Romantic music. 259 00:11:23,114 --> 00:11:25,552 - That was nice, yeah? 260 00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:30,469 And now our Fuhrer's favorite, The Ride of the Valkyries 261 00:11:30,644 --> 00:11:35,083 dedicated to our victorious troops on the Russian front. 262 00:11:48,487 --> 00:11:49,750 - We interrupt this program 263 00:11:49,924 --> 00:11:51,969 to bring you an important news bulletin. 264 00:11:52,143 --> 00:11:53,797 The war is over. 265 00:11:53,971 --> 00:11:55,712 Armistice has been declared. 266 00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:59,542 At 4:55 this afternoon, the Berlin High Command announced 267 00:11:59,716 --> 00:12:01,370 the end of hostilities between Germany 268 00:12:01,544 --> 00:12:04,852 and the Allied forces, officially ending the war. 269 00:12:05,026 --> 00:12:07,202 We repeat, the war is over. 270 00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:10,640 Stay tuned to this station for further bulletins. 271 00:12:15,340 --> 00:12:17,299 - Fraulein Hilda, did you hear that? The war is over. 272 00:12:17,473 --> 00:12:19,040 Call Colonel Hogan, Major Hochstetter. 273 00:12:19,214 --> 00:12:21,956 The war is over. It's over. It's over. 274 00:12:24,175 --> 00:12:26,569 But I tell you, I heard it with my own ears. 275 00:12:26,743 --> 00:12:28,832 - Impossible. There must be some mistake. 276 00:12:29,006 --> 00:12:31,182 - How could I make a mistake about something like that? 277 00:12:31,356 --> 00:12:33,097 - If anybody could make a mistake 278 00:12:33,271 --> 00:12:36,013 about something like that, Klink, you are the one. 279 00:12:36,187 --> 00:12:37,885 - It was on the radio. 280 00:12:38,059 --> 00:12:39,103 The High Command announced it. 281 00:12:39,277 --> 00:12:41,018 I heard it with my own ears. 282 00:12:41,192 --> 00:12:42,672 Fraulein Hilda heard it, too. 283 00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,239 Fraulein Hilda. 284 00:12:44,413 --> 00:12:45,849 - Yes, sir. 285 00:12:46,023 --> 00:12:47,677 - Did you hear the armistice announcement? 286 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:50,071 - Well, I'm not sure. 287 00:12:50,245 --> 00:12:52,813 You see, I was concentrating on something else at the time. 288 00:12:52,987 --> 00:12:56,077 Dear girl. 289 00:12:56,251 --> 00:12:58,427 - There must be some way of confirming it. 290 00:12:58,601 --> 00:13:00,298 - Well, there's Colonel Bomberg. 291 00:13:00,472 --> 00:13:01,691 Surely he would know. 292 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,867 - Call him. Call him. 293 00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:06,174 - Very well, Klink, but I warn you, 294 00:13:06,348 --> 00:13:08,567 if you have me make a fool of myself- 295 00:13:08,742 --> 00:13:10,047 - I tell you, it's true, sir. 296 00:13:10,221 --> 00:13:11,353 It is true. 297 00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:14,399 - Operator. 298 00:13:14,573 --> 00:13:15,531 Hello, operator. 299 00:13:18,708 --> 00:13:20,405 - Your call, please. 300 00:13:20,579 --> 00:13:21,972 - Yeah, this is Major Hochstetter. 301 00:13:22,146 --> 00:13:27,108 I want to speak to Colonel Bomberg. 302 00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:34,724 - Colonel Bomberg's office. Leutnant von Streckner speaking. 303 00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:37,205 - This is Major Hochstetter. Is Colonel Bomberg in? 304 00:13:37,379 --> 00:13:39,686 - Jawohl, Major, but he may have a little trouble 305 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,470 getting to the telephone. 306 00:13:41,644 --> 00:13:45,866 The last time I saw him, he was swinging from a chandelier. 307 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:49,217 - Bomberg is swinging from a chandelier. 308 00:13:49,391 --> 00:13:50,218 Well, if the war isn't over, 309 00:13:50,392 --> 00:13:53,874 he just cracked up. 310 00:13:54,048 --> 00:13:57,704 - Hello. Hello, Bomberg. Hochstetter here. 311 00:13:57,878 --> 00:14:01,142 Bomberg, I wonder if you could verify a rumor that, uh- 312 00:14:01,316 --> 00:14:04,232 - It's all over, Hochstetter. Did you hear the news? 313 00:14:04,406 --> 00:14:06,060 It's over. 314 00:14:06,234 --> 00:14:09,977 Back to the party. 315 00:14:10,151 --> 00:14:12,501 - Hello. Hello? 316 00:14:12,675 --> 00:14:15,722 - Heidi, I told you, everybody out. 317 00:14:21,336 --> 00:14:24,948 Hochstetter, it's wild here, I tell you. Wild. 318 00:14:25,122 --> 00:14:26,689 - I can't believe it. 319 00:14:26,863 --> 00:14:29,300 Are you sure the war is over? 320 00:14:29,474 --> 00:14:33,130 - What is this, some kind of a joke? Sure, I'm sure. 321 00:14:33,304 --> 00:14:36,177 Don't you think I know when a war is over, Dummkopf? 322 00:14:36,351 --> 00:14:37,569 - Oh, of course, I do. 323 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,876 It's just that it's so sudden. 324 00:14:40,050 --> 00:14:42,618 - Look, if it's too sudden for you, Hochstetter, 325 00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:44,489 why don't you make believe that the war is on 326 00:14:44,663 --> 00:14:47,405 for a couple of days while I go back to the party? 327 00:14:48,319 --> 00:14:50,539 - No, no, I heard that the war was over. 328 00:14:50,713 --> 00:14:53,063 I just wanted to check with you to make sure. 329 00:14:53,237 --> 00:14:55,587 - You can take my word for it. 330 00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,765 The war is definitely over. 331 00:15:00,810 --> 00:15:01,811 Oh, what about the party? 332 00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:02,986 Everybody's coming and it's my- 333 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,162 Oh, Liebchen, give me one. 334 00:15:05,336 --> 00:15:06,381 But you told me- 335 00:15:06,555 --> 00:15:08,557 Ah, but ladies, please, please. 336 00:15:08,731 --> 00:15:12,126 You're tearing my uniform. Get back. 337 00:15:14,650 --> 00:15:16,695 Oh, so long, Hochstetter. 338 00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:24,442 - Well, it's over. 339 00:15:24,616 --> 00:15:26,096 It's really over. 340 00:15:26,270 --> 00:15:27,532 - See, I told you so. 341 00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:31,275 Yeah, not bad. 342 00:15:31,449 --> 00:15:33,103 Not bad, Colonel. 343 00:15:33,277 --> 00:15:35,889 Had me fooled for a minute, but that hokey phone call. 344 00:15:36,063 --> 00:15:38,021 Come on, Hochstetter. 345 00:15:38,195 --> 00:15:40,023 - Hokey phone call? 346 00:15:40,197 --> 00:15:42,243 - You went one step too far, overdone. 347 00:15:42,417 --> 00:15:44,332 It's like your German operas. 348 00:15:44,506 --> 00:15:46,508 - I heard it from Bomberg himself. 349 00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:02,611 - Hey, Schultzy, did you drop this can of chocolate? 350 00:16:02,785 --> 00:16:03,917 - Did I? - You must have. 351 00:16:04,091 --> 00:16:05,222 It isn't mine. 352 00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:06,571 I'll get it for you. - Ah, ah. 353 00:16:06,745 --> 00:16:08,182 I wouldn't ask a prisoner to do something 354 00:16:08,356 --> 00:16:12,490 I would not do myself. 355 00:16:12,664 --> 00:16:15,058 Yeah, it is mine. 356 00:16:15,232 --> 00:16:16,930 I must have a hole in my pocket. 357 00:16:17,104 --> 00:16:19,062 - You also have one in your character. 358 00:16:19,236 --> 00:16:23,501 No one is perfect. 359 00:16:41,345 --> 00:16:44,218 - Believe me, Hogan, if Bomberg says the war is over, 360 00:16:44,392 --> 00:16:46,002 the war is over. 361 00:16:46,176 --> 00:16:48,222 - Really, Hogan, you're the most stubborn man I've ever met. 362 00:16:48,396 --> 00:16:50,354 - I'm not stubborn, I'm wise to you. 363 00:16:50,528 --> 00:16:52,443 You release the prisoners, they walk out the gate, 364 00:16:52,617 --> 00:16:54,750 the Gestapo's waiting outside with machine guns. 365 00:16:54,924 --> 00:16:59,450 Shot while escaping. I'm just not buying it, Klink. 366 00:16:59,624 --> 00:17:02,149 - Colonel, Colonel, Colonel, it's over. 367 00:17:02,323 --> 00:17:04,281 The war is over. 368 00:17:04,455 --> 00:17:07,632 - Well, Hogan, what do you say now? 369 00:17:11,941 --> 00:17:13,987 - I, I don't know what to think. 370 00:17:16,511 --> 00:17:18,643 - I am the colonel, you are the sergeant, 371 00:17:18,817 --> 00:17:20,819 and you are not discharged yet. 372 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,257 - Speaking of discharges, 373 00:17:23,431 --> 00:17:24,649 what are you planning on doing, Colonel? 374 00:17:24,823 --> 00:17:25,781 I mean, if the war is really over? 375 00:17:25,955 --> 00:17:28,479 - Well, back to civilian life. 376 00:17:28,653 --> 00:17:32,005 You know, Hogan, a man with my experience as a bookkeeper 377 00:17:32,179 --> 00:17:34,224 shouldn't have any trouble finding work. 378 00:17:34,398 --> 00:17:36,313 All the big companies need bookkeepers. 379 00:17:36,487 --> 00:17:37,706 - How about you, Schultz? 380 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,317 - I was in toys, but the government 381 00:17:40,491 --> 00:17:42,363 took over the toy factory for the war effort. 382 00:17:42,537 --> 00:17:44,278 Now that the war is over, 383 00:17:44,452 --> 00:17:47,107 I hope they're going to give back the toy factory. 384 00:17:47,281 --> 00:17:48,978 Then we can make toys again. 385 00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,371 - And what company was it, Schultz? 386 00:17:50,545 --> 00:17:52,677 - The Schatzi Toy Company. 387 00:17:52,851 --> 00:17:54,157 - Oh. 388 00:17:54,331 --> 00:17:55,942 Hogan, you wouldn't know about that, 389 00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:58,031 but the Schatzi Toy Company is the biggest toy company 390 00:17:58,205 --> 00:17:59,510 in all of Germany. 391 00:17:59,684 --> 00:18:00,729 Schultz, do you think your boss would give you 392 00:18:00,903 --> 00:18:02,296 your old job back, huh? 393 00:18:02,470 --> 00:18:06,213 - Why not? I'm the boss. 394 00:18:06,387 --> 00:18:09,390 - You own the Schatzi Toy Company? 395 00:18:09,564 --> 00:18:13,524 Jawohl. 396 00:18:13,698 --> 00:18:15,962 - Schultz, would you like a cigar? 397 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,659 - Thank you, Colonel. 398 00:18:17,833 --> 00:18:20,923 - Please don't call me Colonel. Call me Wilhelm. 399 00:18:21,097 --> 00:18:23,012 - Danke, Wilhelm. 400 00:18:25,928 --> 00:18:26,885 - Hogan, you're a free man. 401 00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:28,452 The war is over. You may go. 402 00:18:28,626 --> 00:18:29,801 - Um, if you don't mind, I'll wait. 403 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,325 I'm still not sold. 404 00:18:31,499 --> 00:18:33,501 - Do as you wish. - Of course it's really 405 00:18:33,675 --> 00:18:35,329 none of my business, Major Hochstetter, 406 00:18:35,503 --> 00:18:37,766 but you could help erase the bad image the Gestapo has 407 00:18:37,940 --> 00:18:39,594 by releasing your prisoners now. 408 00:18:39,768 --> 00:18:41,030 I mean, they're civilians. 409 00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:43,728 That is, if the war is really over. 410 00:18:43,902 --> 00:18:45,948 - Hogan, the war is over. 411 00:18:47,515 --> 00:18:49,952 But I think I'd better wait. 412 00:18:50,126 --> 00:18:52,476 A special armed guard is on its way here from Berlin 413 00:18:52,650 --> 00:18:54,087 to pick them up. 414 00:18:54,261 --> 00:18:56,132 - Believe me, Hochstetter, those armed guards 415 00:18:56,306 --> 00:18:58,047 turned back the moment they heard the news. 416 00:18:58,221 --> 00:18:59,657 While you're here waiting for them, 417 00:18:59,831 --> 00:19:01,920 they're back in Berlin dancing in the streets. 418 00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:04,706 - Yeah, you may be right. 419 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,751 - And I think Colonel Hogan had a very good suggestion. 420 00:19:06,925 --> 00:19:09,058 I don't think it would do any harm for the Gestapo 421 00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:10,799 to act a little bit more human. 422 00:19:10,973 --> 00:19:13,845 - Klink. - Careful, the war is over. 423 00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:17,762 - You know what? - What? 424 00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:22,593 - I think I will go release my prisoners. 425 00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:30,297 - Now I'm convinced the war is over. 426 00:19:30,471 --> 00:19:33,343 ♪ In all my dreams ♪ 427 00:19:33,517 --> 00:19:36,172 ♪ In all my dreams ♪ 428 00:19:36,346 --> 00:19:37,956 - Look at them. 429 00:19:38,131 --> 00:19:39,306 I told them they can go and they're having such a good time. 430 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:40,872 They don't want to leave. 431 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,962 - No one ever wants to leave Stalag 13. 432 00:19:44,137 --> 00:19:45,399 - Excuse me a minute. 433 00:19:45,573 --> 00:19:46,748 I should be sharing this moment with my men. 434 00:19:54,582 --> 00:19:55,974 All right, hold it, hold it. 435 00:19:56,149 --> 00:19:57,498 We didn't go to all this work just to have 436 00:19:57,672 --> 00:19:59,021 the eight of you organize a singing group. 437 00:19:59,195 --> 00:20:00,240 - Sorry, Colonel, we couldn't tell them. 438 00:20:00,414 --> 00:20:02,807 Schultz was here. - Okay, beat it. 439 00:20:02,981 --> 00:20:05,549 - Haven't you heard, Colonel? The war is over. 440 00:20:05,723 --> 00:20:07,116 - I know, the five of us ended it, 441 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:08,639 and as soon as Klink and Hochstetter find out, 442 00:20:08,813 --> 00:20:10,815 they're going to start it up again. 443 00:20:10,989 --> 00:20:12,295 - What a beautiful job. 444 00:20:12,469 --> 00:20:14,210 How did you do it? - No time now. 445 00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:15,646 You can read about it next month in Stars and Stripes. 446 00:20:15,820 --> 00:20:18,214 Now beat it. 447 00:20:18,388 --> 00:20:19,911 - Keep up the good work. - Yeah, same to you. 448 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,087 - Come on. - Goodbye, then. 449 00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:23,263 - Hold it, hold it. 450 00:20:23,437 --> 00:20:25,308 You guys should go in style. 451 00:20:25,482 --> 00:20:27,745 Major Hochstetter, can I see you a minute, please? 452 00:20:27,919 --> 00:20:29,443 - Don't push your luck, Colonel. 453 00:20:30,574 --> 00:20:31,575 - If you hear there's a war on, 454 00:20:31,749 --> 00:20:34,926 you've got to take chances. 455 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:36,885 - Yes? 456 00:20:37,059 --> 00:20:38,278 - Your, uh, your prisoners have decided to leave us, 457 00:20:38,452 --> 00:20:39,931 but it's a long hike into town. 458 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,368 I was wondering if they might borrow your car. 459 00:20:41,542 --> 00:20:43,805 - Borrow my car? 460 00:20:43,979 --> 00:20:45,546 - Well, they'll return it tomorrow, won't you, fellas? 461 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,156 - Yeah. 462 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,766 - These are going to be big men in industry, 463 00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:51,073 and who knows? You may need a job. 464 00:20:53,206 --> 00:20:54,990 - Well, I don't- - Look, I'll tell you what. 465 00:20:55,164 --> 00:20:56,513 I'll sign for it. 466 00:20:56,687 --> 00:20:58,167 If they don't return it, I'll pay for it. 467 00:20:58,341 --> 00:20:59,734 - Yes, but this- 468 00:20:59,908 --> 00:21:02,215 - What difference does it make? The war's over. 469 00:21:02,389 --> 00:21:05,218 - Well, yes, the war is over but... 470 00:21:07,568 --> 00:21:10,048 Well, all right, take the car. 471 00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:44,170 - Well, gentlemen, shall we celebrate? 472 00:21:45,519 --> 00:21:47,869 Ah, General Busse, this is indeed a great pleasure. 473 00:21:48,043 --> 00:21:49,175 - Speak for yourself, Klink. 474 00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:51,046 Now, what is this? 475 00:21:51,220 --> 00:21:53,918 Guards without guns, uniforms unbuttoned, 476 00:21:54,092 --> 00:21:55,442 prisoners running wild? 477 00:21:55,616 --> 00:21:58,009 - Well, I- - You call this discipline? 478 00:21:58,184 --> 00:21:59,620 No, sir. 479 00:21:59,794 --> 00:22:02,144 - General. - At ease. 480 00:22:02,318 --> 00:22:05,626 I heard in Berlin that congratulations are in order. 481 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,410 Capturing those underground leaders 482 00:22:07,584 --> 00:22:09,195 is quite a feather in your cap, huh? 483 00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:10,805 - Thank you, General. 484 00:22:10,979 --> 00:22:13,286 Of course, it doesn't mean as much now, hmm? 485 00:22:13,460 --> 00:22:16,550 Now that the war is over? 486 00:22:16,724 --> 00:22:19,205 The what is what? 487 00:22:19,379 --> 00:22:21,381 - The war, It's over. 488 00:22:21,555 --> 00:22:23,383 - The war is over. 489 00:22:23,557 --> 00:22:24,906 - That's right, General. Haven't you heard? 490 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,648 - No, and neither have the Americans. 491 00:22:27,822 --> 00:22:30,477 They bombed Berlin just one half hour ago. 492 00:22:31,652 --> 00:22:32,914 - You mean the war isn't over? 493 00:22:34,045 --> 00:22:36,265 - Of course it is not over. 494 00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:38,311 - Gee, Hochstetter, what a bad break. 495 00:22:38,485 --> 00:22:39,921 And after you let those four underground prisoners go. 496 00:22:40,095 --> 00:22:42,271 But you made a lot of friends for the Gestapo. 497 00:22:43,881 --> 00:22:47,668 - You stupid fool, you. You have been tricked. 498 00:22:47,842 --> 00:22:50,845 And you, you, you, you idiot, you. 499 00:22:51,019 --> 00:22:52,368 I will see to it that you are- 500 00:22:52,542 --> 00:22:54,327 - Sir, I hate to butt in, 501 00:22:54,501 --> 00:22:56,459 but all of Colonel Klink's prisoners are still here. 502 00:22:56,633 --> 00:22:59,506 - That's right. That's right. 503 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,551 Schultz, close the gates. 504 00:23:01,725 --> 00:23:04,424 The war is back on. 505 00:23:04,598 --> 00:23:06,904 - I will deal with you back in Berlin. 506 00:23:07,078 --> 00:23:08,515 Now follow me in your car. 507 00:23:12,780 --> 00:23:13,781 - My car? 508 00:23:14,651 --> 00:23:17,872 I, well, sir... 509 00:23:19,090 --> 00:23:20,135 My car... 510 00:23:21,658 --> 00:23:24,270 - Uh, uh, sir, knowing your sense 511 00:23:24,444 --> 00:23:25,923 of fair play, you can understand the major 512 00:23:26,097 --> 00:23:27,316 lending his car to the prisoners. 513 00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:28,578 I mean, it's miles to town. 514 00:23:28,752 --> 00:23:31,886 - You did what? 515 00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:34,105 Get in my car. 516 00:23:39,676 --> 00:23:41,504 - Amazing, Hogan, absolutely amazing. 517 00:23:41,678 --> 00:23:43,201 - What was, sir? 518 00:23:43,376 --> 00:23:44,942 - That the underground could create such a hoax. 519 00:23:45,116 --> 00:23:46,335 - I'm surprised they fooled the Gestapo. 520 00:23:46,509 --> 00:23:48,337 - Well, it didn't surprise me. 521 00:23:48,511 --> 00:23:49,338 - I'll remember that. 522 00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:51,035 - You'll forget it. 523 00:23:53,864 --> 00:23:56,693 - Wilhelm, if you work for me after the war, 524 00:23:56,867 --> 00:23:59,566 I hope you won't be so easily fooled. 525 00:24:01,829 --> 00:24:04,397 You and Hochstetter. 526 00:24:11,186 --> 00:24:13,231 The war is not over. 527 00:24:13,406 --> 00:24:16,539 - The war is not over. 528 00:24:16,713 --> 00:24:18,541 - Out? - Out. 529 00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:22,589 - Jawohl, Herr Commandant. 530 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,984 - What was that you said about the Gestapo? 531 00:24:27,158 --> 00:24:28,595 Forget it. 532 00:24:37,081 --> 00:24:39,388 He would make a lousy bookkeeper. 39417

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