All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes S03E01 The Crittendon Plan_prob4.eng

- And I'm telling you,
London, it can't be done.

Sure, we know where
the tunnel is,

but if the Krauts are running

a rocket fuel convoy
through there,

it'll be heavily guarded.

Besides, it's too
far from Stalag 13

to take all my men.

- We've arranged
all that, Old Boy.

Made contact with an
underground group.

They'll meet you tomorrow night

at 2200 hours at
rendezvous point 906.

Oh, and you'd better use
recognition code one four.

We hear these people
are eccentric

but keen, terribly keen.

- They better be.

Blowing up a tunnel
and a convoy

should call for a battalion.

- We can go you one
better, Old Boy.

Chap of ours worked out a
special plan for this operation.

Got it all in his head.

Unfortunately.

- Why?

Where's his head?

- Oh, no problem there.

You can pick him up on your
way to the rendezvous point.

Caught his foot in
a trap a while back.

Jerries got him in Stalag 16.

- We've gotta break
him outta Stalag 16?

Is it worth it?

- He's got such a
beautiful concept

of the whole operation, Old Boy.

We've named it after him.

The Crittendon plan.

- Not Colonel Crittendon?

- Aha, you know him!

- I know he's the most
incompetent officer

in the entire British army.

That's how well I know him.

Fooled
you too, eh, did he?

Razor sharp, old
Critt, razor sharp.

You'll pick up the usual things,

explosives, short
wave, and so on.

Best of luck, chaps.

- Hey, wait a minute.

- Colonel, not Crittendon.

Crittendon!

- They gotta be kiddin'.

- It'll be a disaster.

A complete impossible disaster.

Just tell me one thing,

one thing he's ever done right.

- Well, he always put
a lot of faith in me.

Good, you're going with us.

- Congratulations.
- Serves you right, big mouth.

- I didn't say I put
a lot of faith in him,

I just said...

- You're escaping tonight.

I'll join you tomorrow.

Let's go.

- But how're we
gonna do it, Colonel?

I mean, blowing up a
whole convoy in a tunnel,

that's a pretty big job.

- Why ask me?

It's all in the Crittendon plan.

- The Crittendon plan, yes sir.

I'm sure it's all in there.

Report!

- Herr Commandant,
I beg your pardon?

- Schultz, what
is it, what is it?

- I don't know how to
say it, Herr Commandant.

- Schultz, what is
the matter with you?

You say all present
and accounted for.

Now say it!

- I would give my life if
I would be able to say it,

but I-

- Unfortunately Commandant,
there's been an escape.

- Escape?

Schultz, did you
sound the alarm?

- Too late, Commandant.

Happened early
last night, Carter.

He's long gone.

- Long gone?

Schultz, I will have
your head for this.

Berlin will have my head.

The one thing they
would never question

was my perfect record.

Now it's gone.

- Could we call out the dogs?

- Call out the-

- No chance, Commandant.

- Why not?

- Carter thinks like a dog.

- Yes, he thinks like a dog,

but he must be recaptured.

- You got a problem, Commandant,

because there's only
one man in Stalag 13

who knows how to find him.

- Who's that?

- Me, I think like him.

- Hogan, this is a trick.

I'm not letting you
out of this camp.

- Commandant, do you
really think I'd go out

and hunt down
one of my own men?

- I order you to go.

- It'll never work, sir.

- Hogan, what am I to do?

- Wait for your transfer.

Russian front.

- Russian front.

- We'll wait for
your replacement.

A beast, probably

- A beast, of course.

- Won't be a man of
your culture, humanity.

Prisoners will suffer.

- The prisoners
will suffer, yes.

Why not?

But,

Hogan, you owe it to your
men to bring him back.

- Really, sir?

- Look at them.

What would it mean

to those poor devils if
they were to lose me?

- More than you'll
ever know, sir.

- Then go.

- I'll do it.

- Under heavy guard, of course.

- Hair trigger, Schultz?

Colonel.

- Oh Schultz, you idiot.

You don't salute him,
he's your prisoner.

And see to it that
it stays that way.

- And bring Carter back.

Dismissed!

- Colonel Hogan, what are
we really going to do?

- Well, Schultz, first.

- Tell me nothing, nothing!

- Colonel Hogan,
I must protest.

What are we doing here?

- Looking for Carter.

- We were sent out
to look for Carter.

What is looking
for Carter to do

with the many stops
we were making?

What has looking for Carter
to do with all the supplies

and bundles you were
loading back there?

German uniforms,
guns, a radio,

and boxes of something

that looks like something
I do not want to look at.

- Dynamite.

- Please, Colonel.

What are we doing here?

- Looking for Carter.

- Looking for Cart-

- There he is now.

- It is Carter!

Carter, you under arrest!

Please, wait.

I found you, Carter.

You are my prisoner.

- Hi Schultz.

- Get into the truck.

No tricks!

Get in!

- Where are we going,
Schultz?

- Back to Stalag 13,
where else?

- I thought we'd
go to Stalag 16.

- Why, why?

- Well we have orders
to pick up a prisoner.

- What prisoner?

What orders?

- My German uniform in
the back of the truck.

- Well, shall we go?

- Wait!

We are going back to
Stalag 13 and nowhere else.

Now back into the truck.

March!

- Just thinking of you, Schultz.

- Do not think of me.

Halt!

Why are you thinking of me?

- Gestapo pick up your
trail yet, Carter?

- Oh, yes sir.

They're close
behind me that way.

- I welcome the Gestapo.

I captured a very
dangerous escaped prisoner.

Single handed.

- Sure Schultz.

And they'll probably give
you a medal for that stuff

in the back of the truck.

- I know nothing of what's
in the back of the truck!

Nothing.

- And I'll back you up
every inch of the way.

As long as I can
humanly hold out.

- We might not crack for hours.

- Let's go to Stalag 16.

Get in the truck, !

- You'll never
regret it, Schultz.

- Go ahead sir, I read
you loud and clear.

- Oh, I'm so glad.

Mission underway there, chaps?

- Our men are on their way, sir.

Hours ago.

- Oh, I say, that's
a bit of a fix.

- What is?

- Well, our mistake really.

Though completely
understandable.

The Colonel Crittendon
in Stalag 16

isn't the man for
the job at all.

- It's the wrong Crittendon?

- And the Colonel Crittendon
we want is in Stalag Two.

- Fine sir.

- Yes, well you see where we
got our wires crossed is this,

that donkey in Stalag
16 submitted a perfectly

dreadful plan about a year
back for growing geraniums

along the runways of
all our aero drones.

Called it the Crittendon plan.

Yes, you can
understand our mistake.

- Perfectly, sir.

- Any possibility
of getting word

to your men in the field?

- Not a prayer.

- Oh, too bad.

Well, they'll just have to
muddle through, won't they?

Best of luck, chaps.

- Right-o.

- Colonel Crittendon, Major.

- What's going on here?

- Quiet!

We will question the
prisoner in private.

- Of course, Major,
I understand.

- I must say I'm surprised

at you chaps going
over to Jerry.

You especially, Carter.

- We did not turn traitor.

We forged some papers
to get you outta here.

So listen.

- Actually, well there's
jolly sporting of you,

but I have my own
tunnel working here.

Three or four months,
I'll be free as a bird.

- Crittendon.

- Happens every time.

- Listen to me.

You're going out of
here with us tonight.

But first I've gotta be sure.

Did you or did you not
formulate something

for the war office known
as the Crittendon plan?

- Of course!

That's why you've come for me.

So they're actually
going to do it.

The Crittendon plan.

- Well that does it.

Get the guards.

- Yes sir.

You know Colonel, actually
I always did think

that Colonel Critt-

- Get the guard.

- Yes sir.

- Guard!

- This is our man.

Get his things
together and follow us.

- Can't believe they're
going through it, Hogan.

- All I can say Crittendon,
is it better be good.

- Good?

It's superb.

Imagine the morale boost to
those young flying chaps,

setting down in
dear old England,

between a carpet of
crimson geraniums.

Geraniums?

- Of course.

Straight from a horror of war.

Like coming home
to mothers cottage.

Tremendous psychological
factor there, chaps.

- That's the Crittendon Plan?

- Geraniums lining every runway.

And they're going to do it.

- Any way we can leave him, sir?

- Afraid not, but I'd love to.

- Something wrong?

- Nothing, nothing at all.

Let's go plant geraniums.

- Carry on, chaps.

Chins up.

See you in Tipperary.

- Yes?

Sergeant Schultz,
yes, put him on.

Where have you been?

I don't wanna report
on traffic conditions.

Have you captured
Carter, yes or no?

- Herr Commandant, we
definitely captured him.

Most definitely.

- Then why don't
you bring him back?

- Ooh, very good idea,
Commandant, very good.

As soon as certain details
have been worked out.

- Schultz, what is
the matter with you?

Have you got Carter or not?

I want a straight answer.

- Oh, I would like
to give you one,

but like Hogan always says,

life is not always
black and white.

What he means by
that, I do not know.

- Schultz, when I want
philosophy from Hogan,

I'll ask him.

- Oh, an excellent idea.

I shall put him on.

- Schultz, I don't
wanna talk to Hogan.

Schultz!

- Highly irregular.

- Excuse me, please,
Colonel Hogan.

Kommandant Klink would
like to speak to you.

- Much too busy
for that, Schulz.

Tell him will you?

- But if I tell
him, Colonel Hogan,

he might ask what are
you so busy doing?

- Alright, I'll tell you.

- Please, I'll
make up something.

- Now look, Crittendon.

It's almost rendezvous time.

Our people are gonna be here.

Are you in with us or not?

- But dash it all, Hogan,

a prisoner's duty is to escape

and get back to his own lines.

Now what's that got to do
with blowing up convoys?

- I explained that to you.

The people we're to meet here

are highly suspicious by nature.

Otherwise they
wouldn't be alive.

They're expecting us to
have a Colonel Crittendon

who has the master plan
to this whole operation.

Can't tell 'em we have
the wrong Crittendon.

They'd pull out in a minute.

- We couldn't switch
the whole thing

to planting
geraniums, I suppose?

- No!

- I see.

- Colonel, I think our
people just came in.

- Alright, I'll do the talking.

Don't get pinned
down on anything.

I'll answer the questions.

- Here, do you really
think you should?

- Yes.

- Just asking.

- I believe I have a
spot on my left sleeve.

It must be from this Stroganoff.

- I love to play
Parcheesi on Sunday.

- It's early in the year
for Stroganoff, is it not?

- As a boy,
I had a pet rabbit.

I miss him.

- I had a bunny once.

Miss him terribly at times.

- That is not in the code.

- Sit down, sit down.

He's adlibbing.

Dull code otherwise.

- You are Hogan?

- Sergeant Carter,
Colonel Crittendon.

- I do not like it.

You should have more men.

- And if you were more of a
man, we would need less men.

- We're all specialists
and we have the plan,

the um, Crittendon Plan.

- Tell it to me.

- Which one?

- Not now, later,
in the morning.

- I must, I must hear the plan.

- Don't be an old woman.

They will tell you the plan

when they tell you the plan.

- I do not trust them.

- And why should they trust you?

- Excuse me.

- What is this, a German?

- He's a neutral.

- Could you speak
to Kommandant Klink,

just for a little moment?

- Who is this Klink?
- I'm sorry, Schultz.

- We were just leaving.
- Where are we going?

- You stay here.

It won't be more
than a day or two.

- A day or two?

- All right, not
more than a week.

- A week?

- One thing.

Tonight, tomorrow, no time,

no one touches the girl.

- What girl?

- Girl?
- What girl?

- No one touches her.

- Of course, of course.

- No, naturally.

- Never entered my mind.

- Oh boy.

- What? What's up?

- Shh.

Where
are the others?

- They left to
look at the tunnel.

- What, without me?

- You were born
under a lucky star.

- Well, ah, shouldn't we go

and look for them or something?

- I will lead you.

- Oh.

Are you sure you know the way?

- I've been there before.

- They will post the guard
there tomorrow morning.

About 50 troops.

- And how do we
fight 50 Germans?

- We don't.

We open fire on the convoy

about a half a mile
from the tunnel.

We stop the lead truck

so the others bunch up,

and we call in the bombers to
go to work on the rocket fuel.

- Where do we get the bombers?

- Get in touch with
'em by short wave.

Have a flight of
B-17s standing by.

As soon as we find out what
time the convoy arrives,

we radio the information.

- What of the tunnel?

- Blow that, too.

Bombers will force
the Germans inside.

We'll sneak up and lob
in some high explosives.

- Eh, dangerous plan.

- May be some losses.

What time's the convoy get here?

- Tell him.

- They come two hours
after the guard is posted

at that tunnel.

- All right, let's go.

- Carter?

- Hey Colonel, I got
some beauties here.

- Where is the girl?

- She's not here?

- Where's Crittendon?

- Well, he's right
over there asleep.

I, I don't know.

- I said no one
touches the girl.

Hello there, chaps.

Oh, we had a deuce
of a job finding you.

But we had quite a jolly
chat together, really.

- What did you do with him?

- Not what you think, pig.

I asked him some questions

that you should have
asked him last night.

He has no plan at all,
did you know that?

He knows nothing
about the convoy.

He wants to plant
geraniums somewhere.

- Crittendon!

- Well, she uh, seemed
sincerely interested.

- No!

- Now you will call to
no one to betray us.

No one.

- Yeah, I guess we won't.

- Oh, bad show.

All right, time to go, Carter.

Ready with that thing?

- I hope so.

It's the best I could
do on short notice.

- You are going nowhere.

- I already explained
to you what happened.

We simply got the wrong
Colonel Crittendon, that's all.

No offense, Colonel.

- Quite all right.

- For that you can shoot us,

or you can stay here,
or you can come with us.

But we're gonna try
to stop that convoy.

Get in the truck, Carter.

- Right Colonel.

- No!

- He will not shoot.

I am going with them.

- But they have no chance.

- Perhaps, but they are
going to fight Germans,

and that is what
I am going to do,

fight Germans.

- I do not believe them.

- You are afraid.

You?

- The girl stays with me.

- Who wants to die by inches?

I am going.

- You have no chance!

- All right, Crittendon,
you're sure you've got it?

- Got it, Old Boy.

Oh, having a spot of
trouble holding it though.

- We're talking about procedure.

- Ah!

- Now, you're under the
truck with the bomb.

- Yes indeed.

- When we stop the lead
truck in the convoy,

you crawl under it and tape
the bomb to the gas tank.

- Right.

- It's set to go off when
they're in the tunnel.

- Well, I'll do
my best, Old Boy.

Not exactly my line of
work though, you know.

- Truck coming, Colonel.

- Alright, Carter, set the bomb.

Uh, oh, bad news.

Marko's in the front seat
with a couple of Krouts.

- That pig.

- What do we do now, Colonel?

- Go through with it.

- I shall cover him from
the side of the road.

If he opens his mouth, I fire.

- But if he hasn't
gone over to them,

it seems a rum go
to blow him up.

- That's our job.

All right, Crittendon,
get under the truck.

- Under the truck.
- Crittendon.

- Yes?
- The bomb.

- Ah!

- If you see the truck
is not gonna stop,

jump out of the way.

- Don't worry.

They'll stop.

Hello.

- These are your
instructions, Sergeant,

to stop for every hitchhiker?

- No major, I-

- Lieutenant, inspect the truck.

Let us see if they're
doing anything else wrong.

- Yes, Herr Major.
- Sergeant, dismount.

Sergeant, you will look at me.

- Yes, Major.

- Who is this other hitchhiker?

You are running a bus service?

- No, Major.

One of our patrols
picked him up.

They thought he was a member

of a guerilla band and
would make a good hostage.

- So with guerilla operating,

you make two stops and
bunch up the convoy?

- Sergeant.

- What is it?

- Nothing, nothing.

- Is everything in
order, Lieutenant?

You will look at me, Sergeant!

- Almost everything, Herr Major.

- Get back in the truck.

- Yes.

- Where are you going, Sergeant?

Get back in the truck!

- Yes, Major.

- Drive on.

And your commanding
officer shall hear from me.

- All right, get this
truck outta here.

The rest of that convoy
will be along in a minute.

- Right, Colonel.

- Ah, did you get
it taped down okay?

- No fuss at all, Old Boy.

- What time's it set to go off?

- Two minutes.

- Coo, glad I didn't know.

- Hey, the convoy's in a
tunnel, Colonel, how's the time?

- Should have happened by now.

Crittendon, are you sure?

- There she goes!

- Hey, the tunnel,
the convoy, the works.

- Hogan, you're wonderful!

- No one touches the girl.

No one.

- Oh, pity, actually.

- Colonel Hogan,
Sergeant Carter,

I want every minute
of the three days

you were gone accounted for!

- That's the thanks we get for
keeping your record intact?

- Hogan, I will not be diverted.

- Well, just look what
happened while we were gone.

A British colonel
escaped from Stalag 16.

And you're complaining.

- They'll catch him.

- You're probably right

- Hogan, I will not be diverted.

I want every minute
accounted for.

- It takes time to
track down a fox.

- Carter?

- I led them a merry chase, sir,

but they were relentless.

- Schultz, why did you keep
calling from a beer hall?

- Because there was a telephone.

- I won't accept that.

- But sir, it, it was
really an exhausting chase.

It may go down on the annals

of the all time great manhunts.

Boy, I was out there
in the woods...

- Carter.

- I'm sorry sir, but
I just have to say it.

You and Schultz were
just too much for me.

Just too much.

- Mm-hm, mm-hm.

Schultz, I am giving
you a three day pass.

- Thank you, Herr Kommandant!

Hogan, you will receive two
extra pieces of writing paper.

- Characteristically
generous, sir.

- And me sir?

- 30 days in the cooler
for attempted escape.

Dismissed!

- I talk too much?

- You talk too much.