Original subtitles

♪

-"Gunsmoke," starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

-All right. All right.

-I'll tell you one thing, Cousin Smiley --

These townsfolk sure do have sharp eyes.

Well, we keep this up, we're gonna lose every cent we got.

-All right, let's have another game, now.

Place your bets now. Another game.

Who's ready? Who's willing?

-Why that fat, big, ol' long-legged ridge runner,

Elbert Moses,

that's who that is.

-Well, that's one way of describing him.

-And here we go!

-You see that another one there with him,

Matthew, grinning like a cat eating cactus?

That's his cousin, Smiley.

And when he starts to smiling,

then you better get a good hold on your pocket money.

-Yeah, I noticed that just looking at him through the jail.

-Well, maybe you're right,

cousin, but it just don't seem a fair kind of game

if we quit just on account that we're losing.

-That's right, you said table stakes.

You said we could bet till your money's gone.

-That's right. -That's right.

-All right. All right.

Then, uh, well,

then let's have bets for another game, what do you say, huh?

Quick one now.

Where's the pea, now? Where's the pea?

-If Elbert Moses would ever quit swindling people and turn

in some honest work, he'd make good money.

-Aw, the onlyest honest breath

either one of them ever took was the day they was born.

-$17? -$17.

-Well, I guess maybe we can cover that much, cousin.

Can we? -Yeah.

-I-I got another ten.

-Good. -25 cents?

-No, puny, piddling 25 cents.

These be high stakes, mister.

-Cousin Elbert Moses.

Now the man's money is welcome as long as he earned it honest.

-Now did you? -Of course.

-Well, then you're covered.

Here. Cover the man's quarter.

-25 cent.

-All right, ladies and gentleman, now watch the pea.

Find out which shell it's under.

And here we go.

Round and round she goes.

Where she stops nobody knows.

Hand is quicker than the eye. Hand is quicker than the eye.

Which one's it under? Where's the pea?

-I say it's under the middle one.

-The middle one. -Same here.

-All right, look. I'm gonna give you folks

another chance to guess.

-You want it? -It's the middle one, mister.

You're not gonna change our minds.

-In fact, I'll cover the rest of the money

you got in your hand.

-Elbert, seems to me I told you

last time you came to Dodge you'd have to behave yourself,

didn't I?

-Well, now, Marshal, as you can see, well,

ain't nobody more law-abiding than old cousin Smiley

and me right this minute.

-Why, this is just a game of skill, a little friendly wager

so they can try to guess where the peas is.

-Right. -Uh-huh.

There is a pea under one of those shells, I take it?

-Yeah. -We guessed right five times

in a row, Marshal.

-All right, I think I'll make a little wager myself, then.

-Matthew, I saw how this game --

-I'm just gonna wager as to whether or not you two

are gonna be riding out of town in about five minutes.

-All right, I'll take that middle one myself.

-Go on, turn the others over.

[ Laughter ]

-Give me my money.

-I'm going to Ms. Kitty's!

-Now, I'm gonna tell you two once more for the last time --

Don't you come back into Dodge

unless you've got legitimate business here.

Now, if you ride out in the next five minutes,

you might just save yourself a jail sentence.

Five minutes.

-Took us an awful long time to put them dollars together

we see walking away.

Now, that ain't fair.

-Oh, just about as fair as you was setting

these folks up and then taking their hard-earned money,

ain't it?

I don't reckon you'd want to make a bet

about which hand that pea's hid in, would you?

-Oh, I must have dropped it on the ground --

-Oh.

-Why is it, every time I run into bad luck,

you're around?!

-Oh, is that what you call bad luck, is it?

Cheating folks and getting caught at it?

Get out of town.

-Well, Elbert Moses, I'm just feeling all cranky

the way money's been avoiding me lately.

-Yeah, well, I figure we been practically cheated,

the way them people just grabbed that money and run.

Tell you I sure would like get even on these smart-aleck-y,

stupid townspeople.

-Well, getting even's all right

with me along as it puts some money in my pocket.

-Then why don't we get us bottle and a place

and figure on it?

-Yeah, except we ain't got the price for a bottle.

-Well, then I reckon we could do without one.

-But I tell yous one thing, Cousin Smiley,

I figure we been took for $50.

And I figure that town's got that coming back in grief!

Come on, Cousin Smiley.

♪

♪

♪

-Well, that's a fool thing to do.

You burn down a jail, they'll just build another.

-Yeah, sure would pleasure me, though, to see that ol' marshal

just running out in the middle of the night

in his long johns kind of smoking here and there.

-No, you got to beat them Dodge people in dealings.

That's the way to hurt them.

-[ Grunts ]

Gonna have to get used to being on the move again, old girl.

[ Chuckles ]

-It's like the old saying, "Use a little honey,

show a little teeth, then they never get mad

at the nice feller," you being the nice feller, of course.

-Of course.

-Morning friends.

You boys like to do me a favor?

-We got our own problems, friend.

-[ Chuckles ]

Nah, nah. I didn't mean no labor on your part.

Just these jugs of whiskey.

See, I can't take the whole stock along.

You fellas welcome to dispose of it anyway you like.

-This day sure could use some refreshment.

-Sure could.

-Better letting you boys have it,

seeing it don't go to waste.

[ Chuckling ]

Get us out inside of the sun, eh?

-Old Grandma, swatting that old broom,

scared that old bear right off the back porch!

I think -- I think that old bear never come back!

[ Laughter ]

-You fellas sure make good company!

Real glad you stopped by!

-Hey, you been alone for 5 years, you old coot.

Anybody'd be good company.

-Yeah, guess it must be about close to 5 years

since the last fella decided to move on.

I just kept right on digging.

'Bout two, three dollars a month 'bout all the gold

I can come up with right now.

Real shame.

By the grace of God,

mining's in the ground's worth a man's labor

you'd have had here at Dodge City, I guess?

Town hustling, bustling.

-Are you saying you own most of the diggings here?

About how -- What did you say? How's that go again?

-Yeah, just kept buying as these fellas decides to move on.

Speculating, might say.

You know, sometimes, I got me a whole claim for a dollar.

-[ Burps ]

See, you fellas decide to buy me out,

I could let you have some 50 land titles for $50.

-Pbht! $50 worth of nothing!

-Eh, sad truth, that, sad truth.

Yeah, gold right about 12 cents a ton right now.

Adds up to about to about two,

three dollars a month for a man's labor.

-[ Burps ]

-Well, guess I better get on out there and finish my packing.

-You know what, that sure is a bargain,

all these diggings for $50.

-Bargain?! In what?!

-Well, it's just a bargain.

-$50.

We ain't got 50 cents, let alone $50.

I'm wondering if that old coot

might not be a gambling man, hmm?

-Oh, Cousin Smiley.

[ Laughing ]

-[ Laughing ]

Yeah, yes, sirree!

Yeah, been a real pleasure meeting up with you fellas.

-Yeah, be a real pleasure to me, too,

if I come out of it with a man's horse.

-Oh, nah, nah, nah. You didn't completely lose out.

Me signing all them land titles over to you

clear out of generosity. Ha.

-I bet you give away a lot of snow at Christmas time

too, don't you?

-Now, recalling that bet.

I was supposed to point out where that pea be, weren't I?

Squeezing it in your hand, you were.

Tell you what, fellas.

I'm the kind of man who don't like taking nothing

from somebody he ain't smiling after he leave me.

-I'll give you $20, thereabouts,

gold poke for eating money.

My blessings on you, boys.

Take care now, you hear?

Hyah.

♪

-[ Sighs ] Well, might as well

get in there and finish what's left in them jugs.

Smiley, we are going from bad to worse.

And I mean real fast.

That don't look like no gold to me.

-Nah, it just needs pounding and washing.

-How come you know so much about it?

-I was up in Deadwood the time they all went wild

over finding no more than just what I got in my han--

Elbert Moses, somethings coming to me.

It's a little crazy, but it's coming.

Now, don't nobody know but you and me

that it took that old coot a year

to dig up this $20 worth of gold, right?

-So?

-So, supposing that them Dodge folks

got to thinking that we dug this gold in a day!

-Oh, come on, Cousin Smiley!

Ain't nobody gonna believe we can get $20

out of this place in a day.

Shoot, if they did, they...

-Come running, and us owning the land!

-Well, up there in Deadwood, as I recollect,

land that wasn't worth sneezing at was getting $1,000 a lot

after it brung in the gold.

-$1,000.

Cousin Smiley...

what you're saying is clear sobering me up!

-Elbert Moses, we got to think big.

Now, what's a real fine, big sounding name for a town?

-What town?!

-"Welcome to Goldtown?"

I thought you said we's moving to a town?

This here ain't no town.

-Well, how do you think towns get started?

They get started from nothing.

-Well, this here's less than nothing.

-All right, now, you listen.

You get in that there mine,

you clean up all that dull stuff in there.

Get Grandma'll fill in all the varmint holes along the street.

We won't want people thinking this town just fit for varmints.

-Now, you look here -- Grandma and me,

we ain't about to go cleaning up no town that ain't even a town!

-Now you listen, girl!

There's one thing we ain't arguing about

unless you're helping out.

You always wanted to be a school teacher, right?!

You just might get your chance, girl.

-School teacher?

-Yeah, we're gonna build us a schoolhouse

right next door to the saloon.

You know, we're gonna have a realtown.

-You two gone plumb crazy.

-They always been.

-All right, now y'all listen.

We're gonna have us a regular town here,

and if we stop getting sass,

y'all might just turn out to be as rich as us.

-[ Chuckles ]

-I can clear smell you boys is heading straight for trouble.

-Oh, you gonna smell trouble all right if we come back from Dodge

and find out there ain't been no work done!

Come on, Cousin Smiley.

[ Honky-tonk piano playing ]

-Festus, I --I just don't understand why Etta

would leave you after one dance and go home?

You must have done something to hurt her feelings.

-Nah, Miss Kitty, honest. I didn't --

-Bottle of whiskey.

-I thought me and the marshal told you two

to stay out of Dodge City.

-Unless we had business, he said.

Now, buying whiskey is business, ain't it?

-Ain't got no money for the whiskey.

-That figures.

-Just gold.

[ Piano stops ] -Gold?

-Oh, ma'am. I'm wondering, could you

tell me -- You figure there's enough in here for a bottle?

-Sam, you better take a look at it.

You know more about that stuff than I do.

-Y-You see a dollar's worth there?

-Well, it's raw gold.

-You mean it ain't even worth -- ain't even worth a dollar?

-I didn't say that.

-Well, what do you say? -Well, it's unrefined.

You can't weigh it, so it's just a matter of guessing.

As near as I can tell, Miss Kitty,

there might be $20 here, maybe more.

-Well, we don't have any way of measuring it.

I-I'll tell you what, why don't you boys just,

um, charge that bottle,

and we'll settle up later.

-Why, thank you for your kindness, ma'am.

But, uh, we don't want you thinking that there's $20 here.

No, uh, we just couldn't have dug $20 worth of gold

in just two or three hours

out on them old diggings west of town.

-Hell, I bet you it was just luck.

We ain't gonna do as good tomorrow.

-Nah, it's just pure old luck.

Thanks for your trust.

-Obliged.

-Miss Kitty, you hadn't ought to trust them two.

Well, they're crooked.

They never got no $20 worth of gold in no two hours

in them diggings west of town, neither.

-Look at them.

Just like dropping a catfish hook with a big ol'

fat summer worm on it.

[ Both snickering ]

-Lucky critters out there.

-$20 gold in two hours.

More than luck, I say.

♪

-Fellers.

-Merry Florene!

-It's Festus!

-Well, Merry Florene, it's nice to see you again.

-Nice to see you, too, Mr. Festus.

-What are you doing here in town?

-I just come in to get some school supplies.

-Oh, is that so?

-We got us some young'uns out at the diggings I gots to teach.

-Yes'm, I hear there's a whole parcel

of folks who've settled in that yonder during the week.

-Just a miracle, Mr. Festus.

Why, my brother Elbert

and Cousin Smiley done set up a whole town by themself.

-Is that so?

-It was beyond them, I was first thinking.

Um, Mr. Festus, um...

Mr. Newly still got that old gun shop of his?

-Yes'm, he's still got it.

He's in and out of there.

You can probably catch him over there directly.

-Well, I reckon I'll wait around here a spell.

-Sure good to see you again.

-Nice to see you, too.

-Oh, Festus, hey.

You're just the one I'm looking for.

-Suspect you're on your way to Garden City

to see about that stage holdup, ain't you?

-Yeah, second time in a month, and the same two men, I guess.

Look, there's something I want you to do for me

in the meantime while I'm gone.

I heard about the goings on out there

by that gold-digging field.

-Oh, yeah. I've heared about it.

I don't understand everything about it, though.

-Well, I don't either,

but it seems like, for a payment of $10,

they'll give you a piece of ground to work.

If you're not happy with the amount of gold

you're getting out of it, they give you your money back.

-Oh, foot.

I've heared about that, Matthew.

But I'll tell you one thing,

the day that them two fellers gives anybody their money back,

I want to be there to see it.

-Well, that's what I got in mind, Festus.

I want you to take this $10

and go down and put it out on the piece of land.

There's 15 men and their families living out there,

and as far as I'm concerned,

there's something fishy going on about it,

and I want you to go out there and see what it is.

-You betcha.

-Meantime, tell Newly

to keep an eye on things around town here for me, will you?

-You betcha. Sure will.

-If there's any trouble at all, wire me in Garden City.

-I'll do it, Matthew.

So long.

♪

♪

-Morning, Mr. Newly. -Merry Florene.

What brings you to town?

-Um, I got myself kind of a job, Mr. Newly.

Schoolteaching.

It's a school my brother and cousin be opening.

-Yeah, I heard something about that.

I-I want to wish you a lot of luck with it, too.

-Um, them diggings ain't so far from Dodge.

-No, just a few miles.

-I mean, I won't be busy teaching day andnight.

-Not hardly.

-I mean...well, seeing you're so busy

and everything, I could be coming into Dodge.

-Huh? -Well,

you don't have to be ashamed of sparking a school teacher,

like, maybe you was ashamed of sparking me before.

-Now, wait a minute. Wait just a minute.

There was never any question of me being ashamed

or anything like that.

-Well, you never took'd it up to no serious sparking.

And I figured, if I wasn't ugly or nothing,

that maybe it was just 'cause you was a little bitty bit

ashamed of me on account I weren't no town girl.

-Well, of course you're not ugly.

It's none of those things. It's just that a girl --

a girl doesn't go around wanting

to know why some fella isn't sparking her.

-Oh. [ Tsks ] I've been too forward.

-Fellas and girls, they just naturally

come together without the girl asking outright.

-Well, how would that work, Mr. Newly?

-Well, for an example,

fella says to a girl --

he says, would you like to go to the church picnic Sunday,

or would you like to go riding in the buggy.

And if she says yes, then that's exactly what they do.

-Well, I'd be saying yes right away,

you asked me a thing like that.

-Except I didn't.

-[ Sighs ]

Mr. Newly, notice anything different about me?

-I don't think I know exactly what you mean by that.

-The way I growed up.

When we first met, you remember?

-Yeah.

-I weren't nothing but a girl.

Well, I'm sort of a woman now.

I mean, kind of.

-I can see that.

-Well, ain't you gonna ask me to go out buggy riding with you?

-There you go. That's --

That'sabsolutely being forward.

-[ Sighs ]

Mr. Newly,

it'll be kind of wonderful if it was the other way around,

the girl asking the feller.

You know what I'd be doing right away?

-No, what?

-Newly, you're sort of overpowering, know what I mean?

-Oh, morning again, Mr. Festus.

-Merry Florene. -[ Giggles ]

-That didn't look anything like it was.

-Oh, is that so?

-Well, you walk in here, and what looks like --

like...well, it just isn't!

-Newly, I feel plumb bad about busting in right

in the middle of the thing

that wasn't what you didn't say it was.

I-I feel plumb bad about it.

-Well, you didn't bust up anything.

-Well, now, don't just get all riled up.

You know, you ain't the first feller

that I've ever saw trying to sweep a girl off her feet.

It's like Merry Florene said, you --

You was plumb overpowering.

-Did you come in here for something?!

-Oh, Matthew wanted you to look after the town while he's gone.

-All right!

-Well, don't get so blamed huffy about it.

You're getting just as bad as ol' Doc is.

You're getting to where a feller

can't rag you none at all no more.

You just pooch up like a ol' toad and your eyes start...

-[ Sighs ]

♪

-Well, howdy, Festus!

-Howdy, Louie.

You digging for gold there, are you?

-Started just yesterday.

Too early to figure I'm having any luck.

-Well, you ain't got dug down too deep there yet.

[ Chuckles ]

But there's been a lot of jibbering and jabbering

going on in town all week about folks finding gold.

Have you seen a bit of it yet?

-Well, not me personally,

but them two fellas be doing all right.

[ Both laughing ]

-Oh, is that so?

-That tunnel -- They're keeping it for themselves.

-They found their bit of gold yet?

-They ain't saying too much,

but they ain't letting nobody in it.

-Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

♪

-You want something in Goldtown?

-Goldtown? -Yeah,

didn't you read that there sign coming in?

-Shoot, he can't read.

-All right, smart aleck.

I took me a long look at that sign,

and that's what it said, Goldtown.

-Well, that's so people don't get mixed up, you know,

to know there's gold here.

-What's on your mind?

-Well, things is a little slack in Dodge,

and I just figured I might come out

and do a little bit of digging myself.

-You ain't acceptable.

-Yeah, we want family fellers

here. -That's right.

We be more interested in setting up a town

than having some old bum come out here.

-No, now take it easy now, Deputy.

No, no, no offense, man. No offense, man.

We just want, uh, family folks to keep our school we got going,

that's all.

-I ain't got no young'uns myself,

but I just figured a little dab of schooling

wouldn't hurt me none.

-Besides, it costs $10,

and we don't trust nobody for the money.

-All right, Mr. Big Mouth, I've got $10.

What's that there look like?

There's $10.

Now, I don't reckon you fellers

has got anything to hide being out here, have you?

-You pick a place that ain't been dug and dig.

-Fair enough.

-I bet you he was sent to watch us.

-We ain't breaking the law.

♪

-Well, it ain't that so much, Louie.

It just that I know blamed well

that there's something shady going on here.

-They ain't asking anything of us, Festus.

We don't dig no gold, we get our money back.

-Just the same, I'm fixing to keep my eyeball

peeled on them two.

I'd just give a pretty to know what's in their heads, too.

Tell you that for sure.

-Don't remember this place ever being so busy.

-I'd soon keep clear of Dodge.

Why don't we put up around here?

[ Bell ringing ]

-Somebody must be making a dollar, the work going on.

-It's worth looking over.

♪

-Well, Elbert Moses.

That ought to just about do it.

-Cousin Smiley,

don't do you think we ought to get things rolling?

-I'm a firm believer in bringing happiness to folks

just as soon as I can.

Let's get to going on it, huh?

[ Both laugh ]

♪

-Now, we is going to learn our letters by drawing them,

and it's gonna be real easy,

'cause each letter's gonna remind us of something.

Now,

what letter looks like a house?

Sue.

-An "A" looks like a house.

-Very good.

Now, that's an "O."

Now I want you all to try and write your letters

from "A" going as far as you can,

and I'm gonna be right back.

-You're not supposed to cheat.

-Cheating?

Well, who's a-cheating?

The only thing I was trying to do was to see that --

that you got started off on the right foot, don't you see?

-Oh.

-Grandma, working no saloon ain't gonna tax your strength

none, is it?

-Ain't no problems at all, Merry Florene.

-Well, you find yourself getting tired,

you just take yourself a little nap now, you hear?

-Yes, I will, honey.

[ Hiccups, belches ]

Lemonade.

-How's that? -That's far enough.

Put some right there.

-I heard something.

What you doing in here?

-Just looking around.

-Get back out there to that there school.

Want people to think we ain't got a civilized town here?

-Yeah, we got to keep the land values up.

-That's right. 'Cause this mine

says we're gonna make us $10,000 selling

them land lots after the hullabaloo starts.

-What hullabaloo?

-Uh, we'll tell you all it later, Merry Florene.

But right now, we got a lot of work to do,

and you get out of here.

Go on! Get out of here!

Why didn't you just come right out and tell her, you big blab?

All right, that's enough salting.

Come on, give me that gold. Let's get out of here.

-Oh, I bet you that old-timer there just

been in more gold-mining camps more years than he can remember.

-There's some truth to that, sonny.

-Oh -- Oh,

well, we was just saying about,

uh, how we sure wish

we had an old-timer with us.

Show us how to wash gold, you know,

we being such babes and all.

-Yeah, that's right.

-Well, there ain't much too it.

You -- You just pound what you dig out of that tunnel

and wash it in the water.

Well, gold droppings is heavy.

You find it just staring out at you.

-Well, I tell you, we sure would appreciate it

if you'd kind of show us how the washing works.

-I reckon I could spare the time.

-All right. -All right.

-Well, I've seen more efficient things,

but it'll probably wash, I guess.

And get them buckets full of water.

Where you boys been digging?

-Right at the bottom of that shovel there.

♪

-It's going in.

-All right, Elbert Moses. Here goes.

-Okay, put some water in.

Flush it.

-Right, water.

-Now, this heavy dirt, that's anything with gold in it,

ought to work it's way down.

Then all you have to do is keep this going.

Feller might do a little bit of a prayer.

-What? What, something wrong?

-What is it?

-Put the water. Keep the water coming.

-Did you find something?

-Keep that water coming. -What is it?

Did you find something?

-Well, what is it?

-You did it. You boys did it.

-What? -That's gold.

Gold, real gold.

You boys did it! Gold!

-Gold! -Gold!

-$5 a shovelful.

-Are you sure, old-timer?

-Am I sure, he said.

-Biggest strike I've seen in 20 years, he says am I sure.

-It don't hardly seem possible.

-It don't hardly seem possible, he said.

He wants it in gold bricks.

He wants it in a chain on his bath.

Gold! I got gold! I found gold!

-Elbert Moses, just goes to show you,

work hard and you get there.

-Cousin Smiley, I still can't believe it.

-Try. -I will.

-Hold it, taste it, smell it.

You got the world right there in your hand.

Squeeze it and hold it.

I been waiting 20 years for --

-Wait a minute! Hold on!

Now, where'd you get this at?

-Where did I get it, he said?

I shoveled it right out of that tunnel wall in there.

That's where I got it at.

Just waiting for the right day

and the right hour and the right shovel.

I found gold! -Gold!

-Gold! I got gold!

-Gold! -Gold!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

-A gold find?

-Don't think I'm in a hurry to leave here.

-Gold? -Gold in Goldtown.

You boys sure named this place right.

You got $10,000 a week coming right out of that.

[ Crowd cheering ]

-$10,000 a week?

-Maybe more. Maybe more.

Well, I got to go do my own panning.

-Well, hold it, friends, hold it.

Hold it!

Now, you folks stuck with us,

and we're sharing.

And I bet you ain't nobody want his $10 back, is there?

-No!

-All right. All right now, I'm gonna

tell you what we're gonna do for you good folks of Dodge.

We're sharing Goldtown. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, me and Elbert here, why, we're gonna be

satisfied with this little ol' itty bitty piece of ground

right here.

And we ain't taking a penny's worth

until that gold proves out,

until we start shipping

that $10,000 worth like our old friend here says.

Huh?

So you all go to work in your diggings.

And starting tomorrow,

you come and sign up for keeping your ground.

Oh, yeah, and we ain't gonna charge no more than, oh,

$200 a head.

-$200?! -Whoa!

-But we're giving everybody a whole week to raise the money.

-You put my name down right now, you hear?

-It's done, old-timer.

-Deputy.

-Come on, Elbert Moses, we got work to do.

♪

-Someone's coming.

-Got some more for you, boys.

-Real fine, Merry Florene.

-Can I see what a poke of gold looks like?

-Get your hand off that.

-Uh, here, Merry Florene.

Take -- Take a peek at my poke, huh?

Look at the way that gold sparkles.

-Ooh, that's just lights a person's soul.

-Now put it back. We got work to do.

-Brother Elbert, Cousin Smiley, I'm just so proud of you boys.

You just doing things right to make up for all those things

you done wrong.

-Dadgumit, will you stop it?

-Now get out there and sew us some more pokes

to put this gold in.

-I'm doing that.

-Go on, get!

-I tell you, teaching school sure has set her off.

I hope it don't make her too smart.

-Don't fret on that, cousin.

With all that teaching, she's still dumber than a stick.

-Oh, ain't it exciting, Mr. Festus?

[ Smooches ]

-Just don't figure, figure at all.

-When we moving in? -Well,

they like to brag how much gold they're putting together.

-We hear $10,000, it'll be about the right time.

-Mr. Newly!

Look at me!

-Well, that's -- That dress looks real fine, Merry.

-It's my brother and cousin's doing.

They said to come into town and buy everything I wanted to

and charge it to them.

-Well, I'm so happy everything's working

out so well for you.

-Mr. Newly, you haven't been out to Goldtown to visit me.

-The marshal asked me to stay here

while he's gone, which reminds me.

If you see Festus, tell him the marshal wired me a description

of one of those horses the outlaws are using.

Tell 'em to keep an eye out for a pinto.

-Mr. Newly, you want me to come in and visit with you tonight?

-I'm sorry, Merry, I'm gonna be real busy.

♪

-Cousin Smiley, you sure nobody else got a right

to open these here boxes but us?

-Well, that's what that Dodge Freight feller

told Merry Florene when she got them for us.

Besides, it's our property, ain't it?

-You sure know your way around townsfolk, Cousin Smiley.

-Come on, let's get them locked. -All right.

-Hyah!

-You sure, Festus, this is the proper thing to do?

I mean, a man's diggings is like his house --

You ain't invited in,

you got the chance of being dead

the minute you get past the door.

-Louie, these here whole deal

is crookeder than a dog's hind leg.

Now believe me, it is.

When the thing don't add up,

it just plain old don't add up.

That's all there are to it, don't you see?

-Well...

-You say $10,000?

-In that neighborhood.

-Don't you think you ought to send it

on over to the Kansas City government office?

For a small fee, they'll refine it.

-Nuh-uh, don't want no government fooling

around with our gold.

-No, you just take it to that Hays City office

where they got that big, strong safe and put it there.

-Here -- Here's your receipt.

-Right.

-Still gonna do it, Festus?

-Of course I am.

The minute they sit down to eat their grub,

I'm going to do it.

I am.

-Hyah! Hyah!

-Know something, cousin Smiley?

I don't hold no grudge against them townspeople no more.

-Elbert Moses, uh, that's a good thought.

It's -- It's like the Good Book says,

"Don't get to hating them you been cheating."

-Good Book says that?

-Oh, yeah. And it goes

on to say, "Do unto others before they do it to you."

-Shoot, I got to read the Good Book more.

When I take up reading.

[ Gunshots ]

-Fill them up.

-You sure are lucky.

I had my aim on your stupid head.

-Smells plumb larruping, Grandma.

-Mine's got something squiggly in it.

-Now, Lou, you stay out here and keep your eyeball peeled.

-Ain't gonna be gone long?

-No, I ain't gonna be gone.

I'm going to fill up this here tow sack with ore.

And I guarantee you, Louie,

you ain't gonna find enough gold in it to fill up a thimble with.

And if that's the way it is,

then they been a playing that old game of salt the deed.

-Ah, we've been robbed! We've been robbed!

We've been robbed, Festus!

-Where at?

-Well, they hit us on the upper canyon trail, Festus.

They wounded the shotgun.

We're gonna take him on in to see Doc.

-Did you get a look at the robbers, did you?

-Well, there were two of them.

They had their faces covered.

One was riding a pinto, if that's any help.

-Pinto?

Oh, Mr. Newly told me to tell you that Matt Dillon

said to keep your eye out for something like that.

-All right, Ginberg.

Now, the minute you get in town,

get a telegraph off to Matthew and tell him we're up here.

I'll see if I can pick up their trail over in the canyon.

-Now, don't you men worry none about your gold.

If it's -- If it's not recovered, the freight company

will be sending you a check for the $10,000 declared value.

-Grandma!

-Come on, let's get out of here.

Hyah! Hyah!

[ Both laughing ]

-Elbert Moses, people just putting money in our pockets.

There ain't no way we can stop them.

-$10,000 ain't bad pay

for putting dirt in the gold pokes, is it?

-We ought to go into the -- into the town-opening business.

-We'll name the next one after you, Cousin Smiley.

[ Both laughing ]

-[ Laughing ]

-Hate to interrupt that nice dream.

-What?

-Where's the gold? -Cousin Smiley!

-Huh? -The gold?

-Now, maybe you got your own reasons for wanting people

to think you've got twice the gold you have.

We don't care.

Just lead us to them gold pokes you been filling here all week.

-Oh, well, we -- we done, uh --

We -- We shipped out all the gold we had.

-We know the difference between plain dirt and gold.

-You be them stage robbers.

-Well, wh-- Why don't y'all just ride out ahead

and get in front of the posse.

-Five seconds, you won't be able to say

where you got those gold pokes.

-Look, I'm -- I'm telling you, there was never no gold.

-In the second you got left, you say where it is.

Back further in the tunnel?

-Maybe that sister of yours is holding it for you.

-Cousin, she's my cousin.

-No, now listen. You don't understand.

You see, there was never no gold.

We just -- What -- We put dirt in all them pokes so --

so that the townsfolk would think it would be found gold,

you see.

-That's right. That's right.

We put it in them -- in them,

uh, strong boxes for storage in haste.

You know, so we can go on cheating the people

and getting credit and selling --

-That ain't true.

You boys couldn't be that mean.

Me -- Me getting in Dodge and getting credit

and people trusting me -- -Now, Merry Florene.

-There is gold!

There is gold!

You boys, for once in your life, you done something good.

There is gold! Say there is!

-No, Merry Florene, you don't understand.

-What I understand is,

nobody could be so mean as to

make people to work in this here town for a whole week!

Of course there's gold, I've seen it!

You showed it to me Cousin Smiley.

-Merry Florene, shut up!

-I'm telling you, there's no gold!

There ain't!

-Their horse is right there, Matthew.

-Just how it was.

Just that little ol' itty bitty bit of gold made everybody

-believe everything. -He's right.

-I've never heard such a story in all my life.

-And I don't believe it.

-And me a school teacher.

I won't ever be able to face Mr. Newly again

and maybe him thinking me and Grandma be in on it.

-Stack of Bibles couldn't convince me you two don't know

where the gold is.

Now you got one minute to fetch it on up here

or little sister gets the worst of it.

-You mean we can leave?

-We'll be right back with gold.

Right back!

[ Both laughing ]

-Come on!

-Hold it right there!

Drop the guns.

Go on, drop them.

Get your hands up.

All right, let's go.

-What's going on?

-Well, uh, there it is, Marshal.

Every penny that --

that the townspeople paid us.

-We don't want none of it.

-No, no, and,

uh, we want you to know,

Marshal, that, uh, we was,

uh, just testing security and all that.

You know, like --like you'd say,

sending that dirt on the gold stage.

-Now hold on just a minute here.

What about all these bills you been running up in town?

-We're gonna pay them, every one.

-Someday. -Eh, not someday.

You're gonna start today.

-Uh, well -- Well, we --

we ain't got no job.

-Well, I'm gonna give you boys a choice.

You either go out and find yourselves some jobs

and start paying these people back,

or you can spend your time waiting for Judge Brooker

in a jail cell here.

-We still gonna have to see the judge?

-Monday morning,

and you better take my advice

that if you want him to be in a good mood,

you go out and get yourselves some jobs.

-Oh, Marshal, maybe you might be interested in buying

-some good town lots, cheap. -Oh, yeah.

There's a whole bunch of them right down on the --

on the other side --

-What about Etta?

If you got yourself a new pair of boots,

you could probably dance.

-I don't give a hoot about dancing,

and I don't give a hoot about Etta neither.

-Mr. Newly, you just won't never guess.

-What's that?

-Well, you know Miss Akmons, the --

the regular school teacher?

Well, she done took sick.

And they be saying that I can teach them childrens

till she gets well.

-Well, I think that's right nice, Merry Florene.

-And you know what else?

Well, the -- them childrens

got this class they call the kindi-garten.

And, um, they saying that that might be a real nice job

for a beginning teacher.

-Well, I think that sounds like a real fine opportunity, Merry.

-And you know what that means?

Means I can stay here in Dodge,

and you won't have to go traveling all around the country

to spark me.

Well, I-I gots to go,

but I just wanted to tell you the good news.

Um, Mr. Newly,

you can just pick me up at that schoolhouse any old time.

Goodbye!

-Newly, ain't I been hearing that that there school teacher,

Miss Akmons,

is a little bit sweet on you?

-Not that I know.

-Well, I've heared a lot of folks

say that she's really got her eyeball peeled right on you.

-Right now, I got my eye peeled on a lot of work I'm behind in.

-Whoo!

Two school teachers sweet on ol' Newly.

Sure am glad it ain't me.

That's enough to boggle a man's brain.

Just make you want fuss and beller

and throw a regular conniption fit.

-Stay tuned for scenes from next week's "Gunsmoke."

♪