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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,040
I used to think you might not
actually find the one -
2
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:06,960
say if you've got, I don't know,
an ugly side or psoriasis,
3
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,280
and that is why I settled for my ex,
Ronald.
4
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,880
To think I was actually going to
take you as a wife.
5
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,720
Yeah, I settled for a guy
who 100% might be gay.
6
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:28,520
But luckily, I escaped,
and I found the love of my...
7
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,560
My mum's coming. Get away from me.
8
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,160
Hey, Mummy.
9
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,120
Yeah, definitely lucky with this one.
10
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,920
I mean, Ronald was always
concerned about my hygiene,
11
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,000
wanting to go
to these posh functions,
12
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,920
but my boy Connor -
he's an amazing poet.
13
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,960
Yeah, I mean, he doesn't care
about my hygiene,
14
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,440
he doesn't want to go
to all these posh functions -
15
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,480
I mean,
he doesn't care about anything.
16
00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,680
Yeah. I mean, I got a man who don't
even want to leave the house.
17
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:04,120
He's just happy licking me out
and playing on his, um...his thing.
18
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:08,120
So, yeah, it is great.
19
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,880
Fucking... Argh!
20
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:12,600
(MUTTERS IN ANNOYANCE)
21
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:17,120
# Life ain't so great
Yeah, there'll be dots in the mud
22
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:21,400
# And life ain't Hollywood
for any one of us
23
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:25,400
# If ever you're in doubt,
just get your wings out
24
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,840
# It's alright, darling,
get your wriggle on
25
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,680
# Somewhere else. #
26
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:32,680
(LAUGHS)
27
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:38,600
(LAUGHS)
28
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,400
What's funny?
Tracy!
29
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,040
Sorry, it's just my cousin.
30
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,240
Who's your cousin?
31
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:44,320
Um, Tracy.
32
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,040
Tracey? That's your name.
33
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,640
No, he's Boy Tracy.
34
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:50,520
Let me see.
35
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:51,840
Here you are. Last Christmas.
36
00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,400
I'm playing Warcraft tonight.
Can't come mine till tomorrow.
37
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,160
Yeah, I can't tomorrow anyway -
38
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,920
my mum's been bugging me
about some family dinner.
39
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:07,880
Don't forget dinner.
Oh, my gosh, yes, OK!
40
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:17,280
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
I'm in. Relax.
41
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,200
Hi.
Get down.
42
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:23,600
Help yourself to some...BULLETS!
(LAUGHS)
43
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,280
Thank you.
Don't walk over there.
44
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,920
Don't walk over there!
Sorry.
45
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:28,680
Arggh!
46
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:32,880
There is a bad smell
coming from the back of the shop.
47
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:37,120
Welcome to Deathsville -
population, you!
48
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,920
Shoot you in the head!
(GUNFIRE)
49
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,240
Connor?
Hello.
50
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,560
Did you flush the toilet?
51
00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:43,760
Yeah, I promise.
52
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,720
Connor, you're not supposed
to flush the toilet
53
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,040
'cause there's a sewage block.
54
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:50,480
How am I supposed to know?
55
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:54,520
Because the sign is there
on the door. It's overflowing now.
56
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,440
You know you've got
shit on your shoes?
57
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,240
Yeah, yeah.
58
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:03,960
Guess I'll go buy a mop.
59
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,360
Oh, can you buy me a kebab?
60
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,880
It's tingling. Is it in date?
61
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,000
Course it is.
It better fucking be in date!
62
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,880
Course it is.
Urgh, bruv, you stink.
63
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,480
What the fuck is that, man?
64
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,320
Connor done one of his horrendous
number twos down the shop toilet
65
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:31,480
and burst the sewage thing.
66
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,680
How can one man make so much mess?
67
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,760
I, practically covered in
his doo-doo, have got to go
68
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,680
and buy a new mop
to clean up his mess.
69
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:41,600
It's every day. There's
something like that every day.
70
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,920
You're there.
What, where?
71
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,800
The rut. Get stuck in,
sit yourself down.
72
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,960
You're definitely going to
get in a rut with him, babe.
73
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,840
He's a bit...you know.
74
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,160
No, what?
75
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,360
Just a bit...mmm, you know.
76
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,080
Yeah... I hear you, doll.
Trace, he is a bit...
77
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,520
Can someone finish
their sentence with words?
78
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,400
He's a bit dopey.
Bit boring.
79
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,520
Lifeless.
No soul.
80
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,880
I just meant he was a bum,
but all of that too.
81
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,440
No wonder you're keeping him
secret from your mum. (LAUGHS)
82
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:13,880
He's a poet.
83
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,240
Um, nah.
Well...
84
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:17,720
I'll believe it when I see it.
85
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:24,120
It's the metamorphosis.
Butterfly clips.
86
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,600
Equals resourcefulness.
87
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,840
Hair follicles.
Grit with forcefulness.
88
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:33,240
If my boyfriend wants to be all
'mmm', I ain't going to sit around
89
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,640
like a dumbass and let him act like
a fool - I'm going to fix him.
90
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,520
You can call me Morpheus.
91
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,240
What's that on his head?
I don't know.
92
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,120
Who are all these people?
93
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:54,840
They are definitely people that
are not boring, dumb or lifeless.
94
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,880
(LAUGHS)
95
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:06,240
Oh, my God, that is Ronald,
my ex-boyfriend, with a man.
96
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:10,600
I do hereby confirm the fact
that he might possibly be gay.
97
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,360
OK, so the next poet that's going to
grace this stage is...
98
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,840
..Connor Jones from Tower Hamlets!
99
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,960
(APPLAUSE)
100
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,600
Connor Jones? Tower Hamlets?
101
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,560
Surprise! He's here, he's here!
102
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,440
Uh, what the fuck?
103
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,360
Hey, go on, smash it.
I believe in you. Come on, come on!
104
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,400
This is one of my poems.
105
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,360
I don't like sleazy Stacey,
106
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:57,160
'cause sleazy Stacey's facey's
not as nice as chocolate Tracey.
107
00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:02,880
Chocolate Tracey. I could spot
those goggly eyes from anywhere.
108
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,520
His first time?
109
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,080
I don't know how you knew
I was coming here, but...
110
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,960
It doesn't matter. OK, it probably
does matter...
111
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,480
I don't like you no more.
Whatever.
112
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:18,440
Sheep can't fly, 'cause they...
they ain't got wings.
113
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:22,160
I'm going to be more than
a friend to you. So...
114
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:27,000
Sheep can't fly
'cause they ain't got wings.
115
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,680
He is as bad as your body odour.
116
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,040
Just piss off.
117
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,840
Have they stopped running hot water
through the council estates?
118
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,200
You're a dick.
You smell like poo poo.
119
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,560
Yes, I know!
120
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,960
I have to go.
121
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,960
I've left my...juice at the bar.
122
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,440
It's the universe that's alarmed
123
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:53,560
Like a superstar lost a credit card.
124
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,160
I just got parred.
125
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,600
Fuck you lot, yeah?
126
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,320
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER, GASPING)
127
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:05,560
You're fucking mental, Tracey!
128
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,120
(PHONE BEEPS)
129
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,840
Oh, hmm! So now he's texting.
130
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,320
You know when you just can't be arsed
to read some lame-arse apology?
131
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,920
Are you going to help me,
or are you going to just stand there?
132
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,480
I'm gluten, wheat and meat free.
133
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,920
She ain't any of them things.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
134
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,640
Why are we even doing this?
135
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,200
Ah-ah! Why not?
136
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,520
You must learn to cook a meal
137
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,320
before a man of God
will sweep you under the carpet!
138
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,360
Off your feet, Mum.
It's "sweep you off your feet".
139
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,400
Hey, hey. Shut up
and season the meat.
140
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,640
# If you threw a party
141
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:53,880
# Ahh! Ooh! Ah!
142
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,920
# Invited everyone you knew
143
00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:01,080
# You would see the biggest gift
would be from me
144
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,120
# And the card attached... #
145
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,280
You told me to drop by sometime
so I dropped by, innit?
146
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,920
Boy Tracy!
147
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:27,880
He ran off the stage. If I knew he'd
hate it, I wouldn't have done it.
148
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,680
Wouldn't an actual poet be happy?
Yeah, but I feel bad.
149
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,560
You can't read the mind.
Yes, and I can't know the heart.
150
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,440
Boy Tracy,
here is like Downton Abbey.
151
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:37,760
Let the women do the kitchen work.
152
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,720
OK, Aunty. Really I was just giving
Tracey advice about her boyf...
153
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,920
HEY! Why don't we go shop?
Ha! Yeah, let's go shop.
154
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,440
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) OK.
155
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,320
How has she not found out
about him?
156
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,640
Connor lives in your block.
I know, but who's she gonna ask?
157
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,880
She don't talk to Muslims,
she don't talk to Catholics,
158
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,440
she don't talk to atheists -
basically the whole block, so...
159
00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,120
What about you, man?
I don't ask you nothing.
160
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,120
No girlfriend. But I've had sex now.
161
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,440
Yeah. I stopped going church.
162
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,880
Me too. (GASPS)
163
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,400
Boof! Boof! Boof! Whoa!
164
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,480
I've illegally downloaded movies.
Go.
165
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,880
I stripped naked for my ex
and he threw me out the house. Go.
166
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,760
Ronald? What, is he gay?
Maybe. Go.
167
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,200
I've smoked weed. Go.
168
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,080
I had MDMA and speed
at the same time. Go.
169
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,400
That's a lot. Did you recover?
I dunno.
170
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:26,960
I fingered a girl in my mum's room
while she was sleeping.
171
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,720
My MUM was sleeping.
Oh!
172
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,640
(BEATBOXES)
173
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,160
(RAPS) # My favourite cuz,
ain't seen you in a while
174
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,280
# You are the best,
you make me smile
175
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,440
# We got a vibe
and we proper get down
176
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,960
# When you leave
I'll definitely frown, oh!
177
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,760
# My cuz Tracey is so damn fly
178
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,840
# Cynthia's weird
and she ain't said hi
179
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,120
# She's been telling lies
since she was five
180
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,760
# She said she's meat free but
she just had shepherd's pie, oh!
181
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,440
# Nice to see my blood relatives
182
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,440
# Everybody loves
and everybody gives
183
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,640
# You were upset
'cause your man's a dick
184
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,680
# But you turned negative
into positive. #
185
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,920
BOTH: Oh! Oh! Oh!
186
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,000
Ludo!
187
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,160
You always win.
188
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,040
I hate playing this game with
Cynthia, it's so boring,
189
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,440
but when I play with you, cuz,
I swear down it's the...
190
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,440
Oh, wow, I'm still here.
191
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,400
I was six, and you was four.
What?
192
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,560
You lay on top of me
and kissed me on the lips.
193
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:45,840
Since then I've thought about that
moment more times than I've inhaled.
194
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:47,840
I really like you.
195
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,360
I want you to see me...
196
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,680
..see me as more than a friend,
more than a cousin.
197
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,120
I want you to see me as someone
198
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,960
who you can grow old with,
make you smile...
199
00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,080
..and laugh...
200
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,600
..and squirt.
201
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,480
My mum and my sister are downstairs.
202
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,600
Sometimes you just gotta
take the plunge, innit?
203
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,440
I'm sorry, who are you talking to?!
204
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,720
JOY: Tracey. Your dinner's ready!
205
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:16,520
Just...just put your clothes on!
206
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,640
Take your clothes off.
207
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:21,520
What?! No! Eugh!
208
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,040
Cuz...
Tracy, please -
209
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,880
just put your clothes on, please.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
210
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,400
I bought you liqueurs.
And I forgive you, so...
211
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,400
What you doing here?
Dinner!
212
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,880
We love each other, you're going
to be with me till you die,
213
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,760
so let's tell your mum now, innit?
214
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,640
Come on,
it's not like you're ashamed of me.
215
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,640
Oh, my God.
216
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,480
(CLEARS THROAT) Nice to meet you,
Auntie.
217
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,280
I got you chocolates.
218
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:01,560
Evening. Seen you around, obviously.
219
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,320
I'm Connor.
220
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,160
I'm lactose intolerant.
221
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,440
I know you.
Shut up.
222
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,440
Shut up and just eat the chocolates!
223
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,040
Who's that?
I'm family.
224
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,200
Oh, now you're family, yeah?
225
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,520
What's that?
Nothing.
226
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,480
It's Boy Tracy, remember, I told you,
my cousin?
227
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,120
Yeah, she told me all about you.
Great.
228
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,440
Auntie, shall we say grace?
229
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:22,760
Uh-huh.
230
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,120
I'm so sorry. It's never like this.
231
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,920
You should go, I'll save you food.
232
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:32,240
Thank you, Lord, for your son,
who died for our sins.
233
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,800
All we need
is the love of a saviour,
234
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,880
in addition to financial prosperity.
235
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:43,000
We hold down Lloyds TSB,
Santander and demand them
236
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,640
to share out the cash monies...
237
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:51,120
Send Northern Rock to the south,
Natwest to the east!
238
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,120
Lift up the borrower and...
239
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,280
(GASPS AND BREATHES HEAVILY)
240
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,600
My dear.
241
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,360
I think the lack of familiarity
of people around the table
242
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,440
is triggering negative emotions.
243
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,600
Cynthia, don't frighten others.
244
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,280
How many times have I told you?
245
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,280
It's alright, I'm fine. I'm fine.
246
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,440
You are fine. That's good for you.
247
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,920
Listen.
248
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:15,120
The world is welcome at my table,
249
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,160
as Christ himself
welcomes the world.
250
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:23,040
But who are you? And what on earth
are you doing in my house?
251
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:29,880
I'm Tracey's boyfriend...
Ah, ah, ah! Mummy.
252
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:35,120
Mummy, I was at Candice's, you know,
that sinner girl from the big block?
253
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:39,120
And, uh, I saw Connor in-in the dark.
254
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,320
Connor, would you say
it was quite dark?
255
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,520
It was a house party, so...
256
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,400
He needed the light.
257
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,520
John one, verse five.
Seriously...
258
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,240
I have since then...
259
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,240
..been showing him...
260
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:57,200
..what the greatest love of all is.
261
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,680
Tracey, man, Jesus!
262
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:02,000
Jesus, Jesus. Jesus.
263
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,680
The greatest love of all, Mummy.
264
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:07,680
Welcome.
265
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,240
This is going to be fun.
266
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:19,600
JOY: I've encountered
all sorts of darkness -
267
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:23,560
single mothers, football fans,
contemporary dancers,
268
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,000
the mentally disturbed.
269
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,360
I used to be in a mental home,
actually.
270
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,600
I was on weed from young.
I got very bad paranoia.
271
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,920
Are you serious?
272
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:36,560
No, no, no judgment.
Paranoia, you say?
273
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,200
Yeah, I got better and that.
274
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,200
I started counselling people
in there.
275
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,920
Unofficial, like.
276
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,160
Thank God
for freedom from addiction.
277
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,760
I'm still addicted,
just not paranoid.
278
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:50,520
I am gluten free. Mmm.
279
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,560
Easy with those.
They're a bit boozy.
280
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:57,000
Don't talk to me
like I'm some autistic toddler.
281
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,680
Or...or I'll get my boyfriend
to curse you.
282
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:04,240
That's right, Tracey,
I have a boyfriend.
283
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,920
She absolutely
does not have a boyfriend.
284
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:09,440
That is amazing, I'm really happy.
285
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,840
"I'm, I, me."
Everything's about Tracey.
286
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,680
Everything's about Tracey.
287
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,840
Leaving! Stranger danger!
288
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,720
They don't believe me.
289
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:30,000
Yes, I have great respect
and admiration for you too.
290
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,440
Goodbye. Bye. Dropped the phone.
291
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,080
Dropped the phone.
292
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,880
A poet. And what do you like
to write about?
293
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,000
Everything, really.
294
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,480
Two-dimensional shapes,
cows, obviously,
295
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,520
patterns, three-dimensional shapes,
296
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,520
love, I'm not going to lie.
297
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,960
Connor, what's your sexual history?
298
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,560
That's a really inappropriate
thing to ask...
299
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,000
No, no, no, no shame.
300
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,400
Often the more sinful your past,
the more special you will be.
301
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,200
Unless you're not serious
about your relationship with Tr...
302
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,000
Ahhhh!
303
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,920
What time is it?
304
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,360
Time for a poem, I think.
305
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,720
Connor, heard you gave your
strongest performance last night.
306
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,120
Heard you had
a great crowd reaction.
307
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,920
You're talking in riddles now, bruv.
You got something to say, say it.
308
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,520
I ain't your brother,
and I dare you.
309
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,120
I remembered. I remembered.
I remembered.
310
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,080
His face was underneath your vagina,
so I couldn't see it,
311
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:30,040
but he's wearing the same shoes.
312
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,680
Solved that one. I beg your pardon.
313
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,720
Why is Connor here?
314
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,080
To get to know you.
315
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,000
Ah, OK, you are?
316
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,200
I'm Connor, we met earlier.
You didn't tell me she was ill.
317
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,920
I'm Connor. Tracey's man.
318
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,640
Her waste man.
319
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,360
I swear,
if you didn't look so much like her,
320
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,680
I'd smash your face in,
you fucking prick!
321
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,560
There's dignity in the milk of this
cow. You are pumping me dry, Trace.
322
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,320
Is that supposed to be poetic?
It doesn't even rhyme.
323
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:07,760
Hurry up and dump this idiot.
What?
324
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,040
He's even intoxicated your sister
with alcoholic chocolate.
325
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,040
Get rid of him
before he does any more damage.
326
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,440
What's he talking about?
What does he mean, "dump him"?
327
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,800
Cynthia, are you OK?
"Are you OK, oh, are you OK?"
328
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,400
"Oh, I'm Tracey. Oh, look at me,
329
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,760
"my crisis of faith amidst the dark
and confusing world.
330
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:29,560
"I've got a penis in my mouth. I put
it in my mouth. I take it back out.
331
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,640
"Learned my lesson, overcame,
now I'm stronger."
332
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,440
Well, guess what, guess what?!
333
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,200
I'm engaged.
334
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,520
Cynthia, you're going to be fine, OK,
I promise you, you just need water.
335
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,640
I said "I'm engaged"!
336
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,440
Uh. I'm going to be sick. I'm going
to be sick. I'm going to be sick.
337
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,920
Use little Boy Tracy's jacket.
338
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,200
Ah...
339
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,920
Ah, that's better.
340
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,080
Ah, yeah.
341
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,560
That's my jacket.
Oh, sorry.
342
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:57,960
Don't rescue me.
I'll show you how to be a poet.
343
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,240
Want my fiance. Fee-yon-say.
344
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,720
Who you going to marry?
345
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,840
Who? Beyonce.
346
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,720
Yeah, that's how you rhyme.
347
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,240
(DOORBELL RINGS)
348
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,440
Tracey.
Nah.
349
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,560
CONNOR: What are you talking about?
(TRACY AND CONNOR ARGUE)
350
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:30,800
And root out all evil
in this house.
351
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,040
Mum. Mum?!
352
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,960
...talk to me properly!
353
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,720
You live on a deprived estate.
You should consider auto-lock.
354
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,320
Ooh, leftovers. May I?
355
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,080
(ARGUING CONTINUES)
356
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,880
(GAGS)
357
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,160
You've gotta listen to me!
358
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,480
(THUD!)
359
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:56,880
OK. Go on! Talk!
360
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,080
I thought that'd be louder.
361
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,800
Bang! Crash!
362
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,800
What is this? Congo-fried chicken?
363
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:09,840
What is wrong with all of you?!
364
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,560
What is this stupid, stupid shit?!
365
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,280
"Oh, look at how confidently
I use profanities."
366
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:19,200
You! You don't own me, I am mine!
367
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,760
I don't want to break up with you,
368
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,360
I'm just deeply unhappy
in the relationship.
369
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,960
What is so hard to understand about
that? Fucking hell, Connor!
370
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,800
And you! Oh, hi, yeah.
371
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,600
You abused me.
372
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,200
It wasn't severe,
it was very mild abuse,
373
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:36,960
but nonetheless you abused me.
374
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,960
You put hair growth cream
in my nostrils and all over my face
375
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,200
because you were always trying to
change me. Well guess, what?!
376
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,680
You cannot change a vagina!
377
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,320
Yeah, yeah, a vagina and breasts.
378
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,080
Little, droopy, saggy breasts.
379
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,320
And they frown when they sag,
380
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,680
when they think about all the abuse
that you put me through,
381
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,680
and I have lost my train of thought.
382
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,560
Just embrace yourself, yeah?
383
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,800
Because I would rather kiss my cousin
than ever hold your hand again!
384
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,360
Ha! Yeah.
385
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,280
Boy Tracy...
386
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:10,160
..you cannot fuck your cousins.
387
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,400
Yeah?
388
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,360
We will never go back into a time
when that is OK,
389
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:19,840
and we will never go into a time
when that is trendy or quirky-cool!
390
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,080
It's legal in the UK.
Oh!
391
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,680
Well, I...didn't know that.
392
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,320
Now, I've got a sick sister
to take care of.
393
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,640
So all of you lot can get out,
or you can help me!
394
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,040
No, not you.
395
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,520
Cynthia, you're going to be fine, OK?
You just need water.
396
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:39,880
I promise you. Look, 'cause...
397
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,040
I want my fiance to rub my back.
398
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,560
You don't have a fiance,
you just need water.
399
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,640
Can someone
please get her some water?!
400
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,560
Thanks, babe.
401
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,280
Yeah... we're engaged.
402
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,680
I did say we were going to be
more than friends.
403
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,200
Sorry, Tra...
404
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,680
I spat all over Tracey.
405
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,400
JOY: No more tears, my dear.
406
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,800
Let your yes be yes,
and your no be no.
407
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:20,000
Be clear about what you want
then nobody can walk all over you.
408
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,880
Yes, Mum?
Yes, Mum.
409
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,040
Thank you.
There you go.
410
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,440
I've left your things
in the downstairs.
411
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,560
Oh, thank you. Why?
412
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:37,000
Well, you cannot live here
after your recent "galavantics".
413
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,640
You want to forget the Lord?
414
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:40,880
OK.
415
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,280
When you come crawling back
to His gates,
416
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:46,240
better mind out he hasn't
forgotten to cut you a key.
417
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:51,920
Anyway, goodnight, my dear.
Cynthia!
418
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,720
No, no. Mummy!
419
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,600
Did you see that?
420
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,920
My mum just kicked me out!
421
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,360
Captions by Red Bee Media
422
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,160
Copyright
Australian Broadcasting Corporation
30077
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