All language subtitles for The Honeymooners - S04E26 - Young Man with a Horn

ANNOUNCER:
With the stars...

and...

Hiya, hon.

- Hi, Ralph.
-What are you doing?

Well, you know how for the past
year you've been promising me

-you'd clean out
the bedroom closet? -Yeah.

Well, I'm keeping
your promise.

I'm sorry. If I knew there
was such a rush about it,

I'd have taken care
of it right away.

What are you gonna do
with all this stuff?

I'm gonna take it
down to the cellar.

You don't have to do that,
sweetie. I'll take it down.

All right, Ralph.
I'll finish up in here.

All right.

Hey there.

Hey there, Ralphie boy.

I thought you were gonna
meet me this afternoon

and have lunch with me.

Oh, I couldn't make it, Ralph.
I'm sorry, I...

I had to be down there
at City Hall there.

I had to fill out
an application so I could, uh,

take one of those civil service
examinations for a new job.

A new job? But you got a job
in the sewer.

I know, I know, I know.
You're like a lot of people.

They all say to me, "You got
a very good job in the sewer."

You know, they think just
because my job is unusual,

you know, that it's glamorous
and exciting.

Well, that ain't true.
You ask any sewer worker:

"All that glitters is not gold."

What kind of a job
are you trying out for?

Sewer inspector.

Well, good luck.

Good luck-- oh, I think
I'm gonna need it.

Listen, when I was down there,
I noticed a lot

of civil service jobs open
and there was one in particular

that would fit you to a tee.

Just right in your alley: senior
clerk in Transit Authority.

- Transit Authority?
-Certainly!

Look, I-l brought
an application here,

see, so you could fill it out.

Good pay, easy hours,
steady advancement--

in no time, you could be boss
of the whole company.

Nah, they probably
want a businessman.

You know, a guy that can run
an organization. Here.

Well, you could try it,
couldn't you?

What's the sense of trying?
I wouldn't make it.

Here, open that door. I gotta
take this stuff down the cellar.

ALICE: Wait a minute, Ralph.
These go out, too.

Wait a minute.
What are you doing?

You're not throwing out
my comet, are you?

Well, why not, Ralph?
You never play it anymore.

It's just gathering dust.

What's that got to do with it?

There's a lot of tender memories
attached to that cornet.

My father gave it to me.

I grew up with it.

It's part of my youth.

Oh, Ralph, you act as if I was
throwing out your pool cue.

I don't care, Alice.
I want to keep it.

Will you be sensible, Ralph?
You don't play it anymore...

That's got nothing to do
with it. I want to keep it!

All right, Ralph. You haven't
touched it in years.

I want to keep it.

H-He's right, Alice.

He hasn't touched his toes
in years either.

He still wants to keep them.

Would you do me a favour
and stay out of this?

(chuckling):
Boy.

Give us a little tune there.

Work out a little, uh,
rock and roll in there.

(laughs)

Well, I don't know
how the old lip is,

but I'll take a crack at it.

(Ed chuckles)

Stand back, Ed.
This is liable to be messy.

You're liable to be messy
in about five seconds!

(no note plays)

Not so loud, Ralph.
You'll disturb the neighbors.

Uh, maybe this is one of those,
uh, high-frequency cornets

that only dogs can hear.

What is a sock doing
in my comet?

Must be one of the tender
memories that's attached to it.

All right,
now keep quiet, everybody,

-and I'll play a little tune.
-Rip it outta there.

I don't know if I still remember
that song I used to play.

Got the music right here.

(haltingly playing melody)

(playing off-key notes)

(blurts high note)

Whoa!

I could never hit
that high note.

You know something?

I liked it better
with a sock in it.

I'd like you a little better
with a sock in you.

Hey, uh, hand it over.
Give me a try at it.

- You play the comet?
-No, I don't.

I never tried,
but let's have it.

Are you crazy?

Gabriel, would you mind getting
the clothes down to the cellar?

I'd like to set the table.

Do me a favour, will you, Norton?

Will you take that stuff
down to the cellar?

I want to fool around with this.

- You gonna play that song again?
-Yeah.

I'll be very happy
to take this stuff down.

Wiseguy.

He certainly is.

You know something?

I made a big mistake
by not taking lessons

on this thing
right straight through.

I might've been
a big musician today.

My own orchestra.

Maybe another Harry James.

Well, that's the story
of my life.

I could always make great
starts but I never finished.

Never finished anything.

Could never hit the high note
on anything I tried.

You know, one time, my uncle
wanted to make me an architect.

You know,
I was very good at, uh...

designing things
and building things.

Gave me some free instruction.

Then the Charleston come out.

I quit architecture to take
a couple of dancing lessons.

Never stuck with anything.

Never hit the high note.

I might've been the guy that
built the Empire State Building

if I had stuck at that.

(knock on door)

Come in.

Excuse me, uh...
my name is Gunther.

This is Mrs. Gunther.

- Yes?
-We're, uh...

we're sorry to intrude, but...

I wonder if we could
ask a favour of you.

What is it?

Well, maybe you'll think
this is silly, but, uh...

You see, we used to live
in this apartment.

You used to live here?

Yes, many years ago.

Yeah, this was our first home
after we were married.

How 'bout that, Alice?
They used to live here.

How nice. Well,
what can we do for you?

I'm afraid you'll think us
terribly sentimental,

but this is
our 40th wedding anniversary

and we wondered if we could
take a look about the place.

- Your anniversary, huh?
-Yes.

- How 'bout that?
-Mmm.

You lived here 40 years ago?

Oh, August!

The place hasn't changed a bit.

August! August Gunther!

You're not the August Gunther
that makes the doughnuts,

-are you?
-I am.

- Are you that guy?
-(chuckling): Yes.

They're my favourite doughnuts.
I eat 'em all the time.

I'm glad you like my product,
Mr. Kramden.

Well, dear,
have you seen enough?

I suppose this place must have
a lot of memories for you.

Oh, yes.
We were very happy here.

Would you like to see
the other room?

- May I?
-Of course.

Is the view from the back
still blocked by that laundry?

Oh, no. They tore
that laundry down.

Now you can see the kitchen
of the Chinese restaurant.

I envy you, Mr. Kramden.

You're young.

Life and opportunity
lie before you.

Oh, things may look
a little bit difficult now,

but when you've moved on
to higher things,

you look back and you realize

that you enjoyed every moment
of the struggle.

Say, tell me something.

How did you become a success?
Would you tell me?

Well, gladly.

One day-- well, it was in this
very room, as a matter of fact--

I decided that I was going
to be a success,

and I said nothing
is going to stand in my way.

- Right here in this room, huh?
-Yeah.

Well, I knew
that to be a success

a man had to have
certain qualities.

So I took stock of myself.

I made a list of, uh...
of my weaknesses

and, uh, my strong points.

And then I concentrated
on eliminating the weaknesses

and building up
the strong points,

making them stronger.

And from that moment,
Mr. Kramden,

I have never let an opportunity
get away from me.

- You did that right
in this room, huh? -Yeah.

- Took stock of yourself. -Yeah.

Made a list of all your faults

and you never made
a mistake again.

Well, I did make one mistake.

I loaned my brother-in-law
money to go into business.

What kind of business was he in?

The doughnut business.

Oh. Oh, oh...

Thank you very much, my dear.

And thank you, too, Mr. Kramden.

You're very welcome,
Mrs. Gunther.

- You've been very kind.
-Thank you.

- Well, shall we go now, dear?
-Yes.

- Well, nice to have seen you.
-Oh, thank you.

- Happy anniversary. -Yes,
happy anniversary to you both.

- Thank you very much.
-You've been very kind to us.

Perfectly all right.

- Good day to you.
-Bye-bye.

Bye.

Gee, aren't they
a sweet couple, Ralph.

Is this a private parade
or can anybody march in it?

Alice...

- I am gonna be a success.
-You are?

I know I said it before,
but this time I really mean it.

Now I know why I haven't
been a success up to now.

Now I know.

That Mr. Gunther opened my eyes.

It's my fault that I haven't
been a success, my fault.

But things are gonna be
different from here on in.

Things are gonna
be much different.

I'm gonna take stock of myself.

I'm going to list my mistakes
and my strong points.

Oh, Ralph,
what's happened to you?

I've never seen you
like this before.

There you are. The change
is taking place already.

Even you're amazed.

I'm going after success.

I'm not gonna wait
till it hits me.

I'm going out and grab it.

This application
that Norton brought in-- a job.

A job as senior clerk.

That's me.

I'm gonna take that job.

I'm gonna pass this test.

And I'm going UP-

I'm going to work hard
and I'm going up.

Up, up, up!

I'm going to hit
that high note, Alice.

(Playing melody)

(high note screeches)

Don't worry, I'll hit it.

I'll hit it!

Where are you
going with that?

I'm just gonna put it
in the drawer, Ralph,

where it'll be out of the way.

Put it right back
where you found it.

I want it around
as a constant reminder

that I gotta hit the high note.

All right, Ralph.
Anything you say.

If this cornet'll make you do
what you say you're gonna do,

I'll wear it around my neck.

Don't worry, sweetheart.

This time I'm not gonna fail.

Look, I got a line
down the center of the paper.

On this side, I'm gonna list
all my weak points,

and on the right side,
I'll list all my strong points.

Now, for instance, what are one
of my weak points?

Well, you were late for work
twice last week.

Very good.

Oversleeping.

Now...

what other weak point have I got
besides sleeping too much?

You snore.

Snoring.

Hey, uh, Alice...

you gonna play mah-jongg
or aren't you?

Trixie and the girls are waiting
there, up there, for you.

Oh, yeah,
I'm going right up, Ed.

I'm sorry, Ralph,
about the snoring.

I was only joking.

Oh, that's okay, sweetie.

What are you doing there,
Ralphie boy?

I'm making a list
of all my weak points.

Ah.

Is that all the paper
you're gonna use?

Ordinarily,
the old Ralph Kramden

would've got steamed
at that remark

and probably put you out.

But this is
the new Ralph Kramden,

and temper has no place
in his nature.

Now, if you wanna be quiet,
you can sit down.

Just leave me alone--
I'm hard at work.

You won't even know I'm here.

(chuckles)

(whistles two notes)

Will you stop that?!

- You know...
-This is important to me.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

Uh... while you're doing that,

you want me to, uh,
polish up the old cornet?

Do anything you want,
just as long as you be quiet.

All righty.

Where do you, uh,
keep the cornet polish?

I haven't got any cornet polish.

Use something else to polish it.

All right. As my granddaddy
used to say,

"There's always hope
when you got water and soap."

(chuckles)

(pan clattering)

(whistling)

Happy New Year!

(whistling)

Boy, I tell you, this ought
to blow like a bell now, huh?

(Plays reveille)

Come on!

I'm trying to rearrange my life
and you're blowing a bugle.

All right, I apologize.
I'm sorry. I know

what you're going through.
Why don't you let me

list down your bad points?

Why should I let you list 'em?

Because I can be more honest.
It's more impersonal.

A person don't look at himself
like others see him.

You remember Dickens.

Maybe you're right about that.

All right, let's try it. Here.

You list my bad points,
and I'll work on my good points.

All right.

You list the good points,

I'll list the bad points.

All right.

Oh, you're gonna get it, Norton!

You're gonna get it!

All right, all right,
all right!

"Bad points:

"one, rotten pool player;

"two, rotten bowler;

"three, rotten cornet player;

"four, can't speak French...

...five,
doesn't pay his debts."

- What do you mean I don't pay
my debts? -Just what I said.

You owed me two dollars
for the last month.

All right, Norton,
there's your two dollars.

Now scratch out
"doesn't pay his debts."

(chuckles)
I knew it'd work.

(laughing)

All right, all right,
that's about all of that.

- Let me see what you wrote.
-You're not supposed

to put anything stupid down,
like I don't speak French.

This is important to me.

I know it's important. I know.
Let me see what you wrote down.

- Your good points. -I haven't
put anything down yet.

- You haven't, huh?
-I got so many good points,

- I don't know where to start.
-Here.

I'll put down your good points.

Ralph Kramden's good points.

- Go ahead and finish.
-I'm finished.

You're finished?
How can you finish?

When you were writing down
my mistakes,

it took you a half hour.

Now it takes you five seconds...

"Ralph Kramden,
the sweetest guy in the world."

That's a... that's a very
nice compliment, Norton.

I appreciate that.

Well, now maybe you realize
that I'm all for you.

I'm sorry if I was
a little loud with you.

You see...

this is pretty important
to me this time, Norton.

I... I don't want to fail.

I want to make a success
of myself.

I want to hit that high note.

I know that. I want you to...
I want you to take the test

for senior clerk
in-in Transit Authority,

and I want you
to pass it 'cause...

I-I'm gonna be proud of you.

I'm gonna be proud
of you, too, Norton.

Because you're gonna
pass that test.

And when people ask me what my
best friend does for a living,

I'll be proud to say
that he's a sewer inspector.

Boy, I'm telling you. Hey,
wouldn't it be something there

if both of us got these jobs?

You'd be the-the senior clerk
in Transit Authority,

I'd be the sewer inspector.
Boy, I'm telling you,

we'd have the city
running like clockwork.

You up above there,
running things

and making things move along,

and me down below there
making things move along.

(both laughing)

Hi, Alice.

Oh, hiya, Trix.

Alice, I got these eggs
that you wanted,

but I wasn't able to get
the civil service newspaper.

Doesn't come out until 6:00.

Oh, dear.
Well, we've waited a week.

I guess we can wait
another 20 minutes.

- Yeah.
-But I'm dying to find out

if Ralph and Ed passed the test
for their new jobs.

Oh, I know. I just chewed up
my last fingernail.

Well, Ralph will be sure
to bring one home.

Yeah. Alice, how come
you wanted just those eggs?

You and Ralph going out
to dinner tonight?

No, Ralph's gonna shop
for dinner

on his way home from work.

Ralph shopping for dinner?
How come?

Well, he's correcting
fault number, uh...

...18, "treats wife
like workhorse."

-(groans)
-You know,

-he even washed the dishes
last night. -(gasps)

Honestly, Trixie,
the new Ralph Kramden's

-got a surprise
for me every minute. -Oh!

Would you believe it, Trixie,
this morning

he insisted on making the beds
before he went to work?

Gee, that's wonderful!

What's wonderful? He got me up
at 5:30 so he could make 'em.

Oh, I see.
(chuckles)

- Hiya, hon. Hiya, Trix.
-Oh, hiya, Ralph.

- Hi, Ralph. -Did you get
the civil service newspaper?

No, it hasn't come out yet.
I'll get it right after dinner.

What are you worried about?
I passed the test.

Hey, you look pretty sharp
tonight, Trixie.

Oh! I was at the beauty parlor
this afternoon.

Yeah, I can tell-- they did
a good dye job on your hair.

-(Trixie clears throat)
-Looks real natural.

Yeah. I'll see you later, Alice.

All right, Trix.

- What's the matter with her?
-Nothing, Ralph.

She's just not used
to your compliments.

You know, I've been
finding that out all day.

That's my new technique,
you know.

I compliment everybody I meet.

That's to enhance the value
of my good point.

You know, "the sweetest guy
in the world."

Oh, by the way, I corrected
another fault today.

You did? Which one?

Number 22, uh...

Let's see...
"Argues too much."

For instance,
I was down at the depot

and Joe Cassidy is talking
to a bunch of the guys.

So he says the population
of New York City

is nine million people.

Well, I know
that it's seven million people,

but did I argue with him? No.

Instead, I just looked him
right in the face

and I said, "Oh, yeah?"

And I walked away from him.
(chuckles)

You should see how foolish
he looked standing there.

Ralph, there are nine million
people in New York.

Are you crazy or something?
It...

Oh, yeah?

What's that for?

For being so sweet
and for trying so hard.

I'm proud of you, Ralph.

Thank you, sweetheart.

I'm glad you're proud of me
because“.

I'm gonna be a success, honey.

I'm gonna make it this time.

I know you are. I certainly hope
you passed that test, Ralph,

and I hope
Norton passed his, too.

Well, I... I'm not worried
about me passing it,

but I'm not too sure of Norton.

Not if he's gonna answer
all the questions

like he told me he answered one
of the questions they gave him.

- Well, what do you mean? -Well,
it was one of those questions

where you have a choice of what
you want to answer, you know.

It said if, uh, "If you were
heating your own home

"and oil was 12 cents a gallon
and it went up seven percent

"and coal, at the same time,
was $14 a ton,

"and that went up nine percent,
well, what would you do?"

What do you think Norton says?

"Pack up and move to Florida."

I'm going into wash up.
I'll be out in a minute.

All right, Ralph.
I'll get the table ready.

- Oh! Hi, Ed.
-Uh, Alice.

Oh, you got the paper!

Yeah.

Read it and weep.

Ed, you didn't pass the test
for sewer inspector.

No, I washed out.

Oh, I am sorry, Ed.
But what about Ralph?

What about Ralph?
(chuckles)

That's a silly question.

Think I look this sad just
for myself alone, you think?

(chuckles)

Oh, Ed, this is terrible.

Hiya, Norton.

What's the matter with you two?

What do you got
behind your back?

I didn't pass the test, huh?

-(Norton sighs)
-Failed again.

Well, I...

Ralph, I guess you and me
is just a...

couple of hangnails
on the fickle finger of fate.

Ralph...

Don't say anything.

Don't say anything, Alice.
I know how you feel.

You know how I feel.

Boy, what a mokes I am.

I'm gonna make good.

I'm gonna list
all my weak points

and I'm gonna list
all my strong points

and I'm gonna be a success.

Not gonna be a failure anymore.

(wry laugh)

Boy, that's a laugh.

No, it's not a laugh.

The new Ralph Kramden
is a wonderful man.

And what he's done
in the past few weeks, Ralph,

isn't foolish
and it isn't a lot of malarkey,

and I'm not gonna let you
tear him down

just 'cause you had
one disappointment.

Don't you see, Ralph? You can't
win the very first time.

You gotta keep trying
and trying.

So you didn't pass
the test the first time.

There's always next year
and the year after.

I like the new Ralph Kramden,

and I'm not gonna
let you give up.

And if the old Ralph Kramden

ever shows his face
around here again,

I am gonna hit him
right on top of the head

with this cornet.

You know something?

I did hit that high note once:

the day I married you.

(Playing melody)

(blurts high note)

Well, that's a little
piece of it, Alice.