Original subtitles

BOY!

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN ME LAST NIGHT AT O'MALLEY'S.

I SAT IN WITH THE BAND.

OK, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, BUT I SAT THERE.

GEE, BERG, I'M SORRY I MISSED IT, BUT...

YOU KNOW WHAT? IT HIT ME THE OTHER DAY.

I'M ACTUALLY HERE TO GET A DEGREE.

HEY, COME WATCH WOMEN'S SOFTBALL WITH ME TODAY.

HEY! I GOTTA GO TO CLASS.

BERG, WE CAN'T ALL E PHILOSOPHY MAJORS.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT A BUNCH OF GUYS IN SANDALS

DID MY HOMEWORK FOR ME 4,000 YEARS AGO. HMM.

THAT'S MINE.

EHH.

SO WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO AFTER GRAD SCHOOL?

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME BE HAPPY?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT FAIR TO THE REST OF US.

I MEAN, LOOK, YOU TRIPLE-MAJORED IN UNDERGRAD,

AND YOU NEVER EVEN OPENED UP A BOOK.

THAT'S THE WONDER OF ME.

NO. THAT'S NOT THE WONDER OF YOU.

THAT'S THE TROUBLE WITH YOU.

YOU'RE ALWAYS JUST SKATING BY.

RIGHT? AND SOME DAY, YOU'RE GONNA HIT A ROUGH SPOT.

WHO POURED YOU A DOUBLE MOCHA GRUMPY THIS MORNING, HUH?

I'M NOT GRUMPY.

IT'S JUST THAT I SPENT ALL NIGHT ON THIS,

I GOT A TEST IN STRUCTURES, WE HAVE TO BE AT WORK AT 3:00, AND...

I'M BREAKING UP WITH MELISSA TODAY.

OH, BOY.

WE HAVE TO BE AT WORK AT 3:00?

I'M BREAKING UP WITH MELISSA TODAY.

ONE HOLE, COME ON.

BERG, I CAN'T BE LATE.

WHEN SHARON STOPS DOWN, WE'LL MAKE HER GIVE US A RIDE.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE'S GONNA STOP DOWN?

I STOLE HER LAST ROLL OF TOILET PAPER.

OH, BERG, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.

SO WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON WITH YOU AND MELISSA?

I DON'T KNOW. LOOK.

NEXT WEEK IS OUR 6-MONTH ANNIVERSARY,

AND THE LEASE IS UP ON HONG KONG.

HUH?

THE CHINESE ARE TAKING BACK THE LEASE ON HONG KONG.

REALLY? I NEVER KNEW THE CHINESE WERE LEASING.

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE

WHO WORKED SO HARD TO MAKE HONG KONG WHAT IT IS.

RIGHT, FOR WHAT?

THEY HAVE NO FUTURE, JUST LIKE MELISSA AND ME.

I MEAN, IF I WAS MEANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH HER,

I'D BE THINKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED BY NOW.

NOW, DO YOU SEE ME SHOPPING FOR A RING? NO.

THUSLY, WE ARE LIVING IN HONG KONG WAITING FOR OUR LEASE TO RUN OUT.

QUIT THINKING SO MUCH.

YOU LIKE HER. SHE ADORES YOU.

SCREW THE FUTURE.

ONE UNDER.

MELISSA'S TERRIFIC, RIGHT?

BUT SHE'S JUST... SHE'S NOT THE ONE.

8:45, ALL IS CLEAR.

SINCE WHEN DO YOU HAVE ASTHMA?

I DON'T. SO MELISSA'S NOT THE ONE, HUH?

BERG, YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THESE EXPERIMENTS.

YOU'RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF.

IT PAYS 50 BUCKS.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE ASTHMA!

DON'T NEED IT.

YOU KNOW HOW THEY ALWAYS SAY

NOT TO EXCEED THE RECOMMENDED DAILY DOSAGE?

YEAH.

WELL, I'M THE GUY...

WHO EXCEEDS IT SO THEY KNOW WHY YOU SHOULDN'T.

WELL, I'M THE GUY WHO HAD TO DRIVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL

WHEN THAT NEW FOOT SPRAY MADE YOUR TOENAILS FALL OFF.

THEY GREW BACK THICKER.

BERG, YOU JUST CAN'T.

YOU HATE BEING SINGLE...

NO. DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT YET.

DATING, GETTING USED TO SOMEONE NEW, FINDING OUT THEIR QUIRKS.

WHAT'S MELISSA'S? WHAT?

QUIRK?

NOTHING.

PETER, WE DON'T PLAY THAT.

ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE.

AS SOON AS YOU TELL ME, I'M CHOPPING OFF MY TONGUE.

MELISSA... YEAH.

WHEN WE'RE GOING AT IT... YEAH.

SHE STARTS TO LAUGH.

BUT, LIKE, UNCONTROLLABLY.

SHARON!

YOU GUYS SUCK!

SO SEX MAKES MELISSA HAPPY.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. WE ARE WAY PAST HAPPY.

THIS IS PSYCHOTIC.

IT'S MANIACAL.

IT'S LIKE... HMM HMM HMM HA HA HA.

HMM HMM HA HA HA HA.

HM HA HA HA HA HA.

THAT'S WHAT THAT IS?

DID YOU PUT THE SEAT BACK UP?

YEAH. WHY DO WE SUCK?

BECAUSE...

WE ALL GRADUATE TOGETHER, YET I HAVE TO PUT ON HEELS,

WHICH I HATE,

AND GO OUT IN THE REAL WORLD AND SELL CHEMICALS,

WHICH I HATE,

WHILE YOU TWO KNUCKLEHEADS GET TO PLAY GOLF.

WHICH I ALSO HATE.

YEAH, BUT YOU MAKE, LIKE, A BAZILLION DOLLARS.

SELLING MY SOUL.

LOOK, IF I CLOSE THIS DEAL TODAY,

I MAKE COMMISSION ON 500 GALLONS OF TOXIC CLEANER

I'M SELLING TO SOME OIL RIG.

SO I CAN ENJOY A WEEKEND AT THE CAPE,

WHILE KILLING OFF ALL SEALIFE BETWEEN HERE AND GUAM.

OH, I HATE MYSELF!

YEAH, BUT YOU LOVE YOUR BEEMER.

LOVE IT!

WHY DON'T YOU DROP ME OFF WHEN YOU TAKE PETE TO CLASS?

WHAT, I'M TAKING PETE TO CLASS?

THAT'S PERFECT. LET US BE OFF.

PETE'S BREAKING UP WITH MELISSA TODAY.

GOOD.

GOOD? YOU SAID YOU LIKED HER.

LIED.

SO?

SO?

HOW'D SHE TAKE IT?

I'D SAY PRETTY WELL.

YOU DIDN'T DO IT. NO.

I MADE A LUNCH DATE TO DO IT HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, OH, I GOT EVERYTHING PLANNED OUT. OK.

WHY IT'S BEST FOR HER.

WHY WE SHOULD STAY FRIENDS.

THINGS TO SAY WHEN SHE STARTS TO CRY.

YOU KNOW, THIS BEHAVIOR REFLECTS BADLY ON BOTH OF US.

HEY, BILL, I'M THINKING IT MIGHT BE TIME

TO SPRING FOR SOME NEW CUSHIONS.

GOOD IDEA.

AND MAYBE SOME CURTAINS AND A LITTLE PAINT JOB, TOO.

THERE YOU GO.

MAYBE WE SHOULD THINK UP A NEW NAME

'CAUSE I TELL YOU WHAT,

IT WON'T BE BEACON STREET PIZZA NO MORE.

IT WON'T BE THE SAME PLACE MY DADDY BUILT. HERE...

BUILD YOUR OWN DAMN PLACE.

GOOD GOING, PETE.

I DIDN'T... ACHH... WHAT'S WITH HIM?

HE'S BREAKING UP WITH MELISSA.

WHAT DOES HE WANT TO DO THAT FOR?

HE FEELS SHE'S NOT THE ONE.

TELL HIM TO SHUT UP.

HEY, PETE, I FOUND YOU THAT ARTICLE ON MARLON BRANDO'S TRAINER.

THANKS, MR. BAUER.

WHY IS HE ALWAYS BRINGING ME THINGS?

HE LOVES YOU.

HE'S DELUSIONAL.

HE'S CONSTANTLY TELLING ME STORIES ABOUT HIS LIFE

THAT I KNOW ARE FROM MOVIES.

WE DON'T KNOW THAT.

BERG, THERE WAS NO WAY HE WAS ONE OF THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG.

Berg: INCOMING.

OH, IT'S MELISSA.

SHE WORE HER HAIR DOWN.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I SUPPORT YOU 100%.

BILL, IT'S STARTING.

HEY.

HEY, SWEETIE.

HEY, BILL. HI, MR. BAUER.

BERG.

WHAT'S THIS?

MY CLASS MADE YOU COOKIES.

AW!

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.

OH, THEY LOVE YOU,

'CAUSE THEY KNOW I LOVE YOU.

MELISSA, YOU KNOW HOW THE LEASE IS RUNNING OUT ON HONG KONG?

SURE. WELL...

ALTHOUGH THERE IS THAT STIPULATION

THAT CHINA HAS TO ENSURE THE PRESERVATION

OF HONG KONG'S WAY OF LIFE,

BOTH SOCIALLY AND ECONOMICALLY,

FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER 50 YEARS.

SO HONG KONG'S STILL GONNA BE HONG KONG?

YEAH, OF COURSE.

GOD, YOU'RE SMART.

WHAT ARE THESE?

OH! SORRY.

ARE YOU OK?

YEAH. I WAS TRYING TO HAND THEM TO YOU.

SPILLING THE WATER.

BILL, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THAT?

TAKE HIM OUT. HE'S DONE.

BILL, I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE SEEN THE LAST OF THIS...

FEISTY YOUNG GIRL FROM WISCONSIN.

DON'T TALK INTO THE FOOD.

VERY SMOOTH.

I CAN'T DO THIS WITH YOU GUYS LEERING.

I ALWAYS LEER.

IT'D BE SUSPICIOUS IF I WEREN'T LEERING.

SHE'D BE LIKE, "WHY ISN'T BERG LEERING?"

AHEM.

BERG LEERING.

ISN'T THAT A TYPE OF MERLOT?

IT'S A CABERNET.

3:10.

STARTING TO BABBLE.

UH, PETE, YOU BETTER GET BACK IN THERE

BEFORE BAUER STEALS YOUR WOMAN.

OH, JEEZ.

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NO MORE EXPERIMENTS.

THEY INTERFERE WITH YOUR WORK.

NO, THIS IS HARMLESS.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID

WHEN YOU COULDN'T GET YOUR SWEAT GLANDS TO STOP.

I HAD TO FOLLOW YOU AROUND WITH A MOP.

THE SHARK'S COMING RIGHT AT ME,

AND I ONLY HAVE ONE BULLET LEFT.

I THINK, "HA. I'M A GONER."

THEN I SEE THE OXYGEN TANK IN ITS MOUTH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I DO?

YOU SHOT THE TANK, AND THE SHARK BLEW UP.

I SHOT THE TANK.

THE SHARK BLEW UP.

YOU'RE A BRAVE MAN, MR. BAUER.

AND THEN YOU AND RICHARD DREYFUSS SWAM BACK TO SHORE.

THANKS A LOT, MR. BAUER.

HA. THAT WAS A HELL OF A DAY.

YOU ARE A LUCKY GUY.

YEAH.

WELL... WHAT IS WITH YOU TODAY?

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

NO. IT'S JUST...

ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK UP WITH ME?

NO. NO, NOT AT ALL.

WHAT, ARE WE HAVING PROBLEMS?

NO. YOU'RE JUST ACTING WEIRD.

HEY, BERG, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM?

HEY, THIS ONE ISN'T ME,

'CAUSE I'M THE ONE WHO SAID HE SHOULDN'T BREAK UP WITH YOU.

NO!

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

NO, I WASN'T. HE'S EVIL.

HE MAY BE EVIL... BUT AT LEAST HE'S HONEST.

THIS IS SO... UHH! MOVE.

YOU'RE JUST SO SCREWED UP.

NO, I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT.

TO HELL WITH YOU. LIFE'S TOO SHORT, PETE.

SEE YOU AROUND. MELISSA!

10 YEARS FROM NOW,

WHEN YOU'RE FAT AND ALONE

AND YOU HAVE TO WEAR A BASEBALL CAP AT CLUB MED

TO HIDE YOUR HAIR TRANSPLANTS, REMEMBER...

YOU HAD A GOOD THING HERE, AND YOU BLEW IT.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

SHE BROKE UP WITH ME.

I JUST GOT DUMPED.

HA HA. BOY, DID YOU EVER,

AND IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY, TOO.

SO, YOU GET THE ACCOUNT?

YEP. ONE MORE CLIENT FOR ME,

ONE LESS SPECIES OF BIRD.

SHARON, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, QUIT.

LIFE'S A WASTE UNLESS YOU'RE DOING WHAT YOU LOVE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I MEAN, I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT. I'M SMART.

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

I'M MOTIVATED. YES, YOU ARE.

I'M A PEOPLE PERSON.

I GOTTA GO BACK AND COUNT MY PEPPERONIS.

I AM.

AREN'T I, BERG?

SHAR...

YOU'RE A LOT OF THINGS, BUT PEOPLE PERSON?

IT GOES THE UNABOMBER, THEN YOU.

HEY.

NO.

THAT'S WHY WE LOVE YOU.

SO, HOW WAS THE DELIVERY?

FINE.

TRAFFIC?

NOT BAD.

THE TOPPINGS SLIDE?

A LITTLE BIT.

JEEZ, YOU TWO FIGHT LIKE A COUPLE OF BROADS.

KICK HIS ASS, PETE.

I CAN'T. HE'S WEARING MY SHIRT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE MAD AT ME.

ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?

I MEAN, ONE MINUTE, YOU'RE GONNA BREAK UP WITH HER,

AND THE NEXT MINUTE, SHE BREAKS UP WITH YOU,

AND YA FLIP OUT.

HE HAS A POINT.

BERG, YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST MINDED YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS.

AH. HE'S GOT YOU THERE.

I MEAN, WHEN SHE WALKED OUT OF HERE,

I HAD AN EPIPHANY.

I MEAN...

HOW MANY MELISSAS ARE THERE IN THE WORLD?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, OK?

YOU KEEP SAYING MELISSA'S NOT THE ONE,

WHEN, IN REALITY, YOU KNOW SHE IS THE ONE,

AND YOU'RE SCARED TO DEATH OF IT.

DING DING DING. BERG WINS.

ALL RIGHT, COVER FOR ME.

WHERE YOU GOING?

OVER TO MELISSA'S TO BLAME THE WHOLE THING ON YOU.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING SHE'LL BELIEVE, IT'S THAT.

NO, SHE WON'T.

WHY NOT?

RIGHT NOW, IF I'M LITTLE MISS "YIPPEE, I GET SUMMERS OFF"...

I'M THINKING... MAYBE I OVERREACTED.

THEN YOU COME THROUGH THE DOOR

BLAMING IT ALL ON BERG,

WHICH SAYS TO ME THAT YOU DID IN FACT WANT TO BREAK UP,

AND YOU NEEDED YOUR BUDDY TO DO IT FOR YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DESTROYING MY FUTURE.

WHA... FUTURE KILLER.

YOU KNOW, I WAS IN LOVE ONCE.

WE SHARED A FLAT IN FRANCE.

THEN THE WAR CAME. ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

SOMEHOW I FIND MYSELF IN MOROCCO, RUNNING A NIGHTCLUB.

SHE WALKED BACK INTO MY LIFE,

BUT BY THEN, SHE WAS MARRIED.

DON'T DO WHAT I DID, SON.

DON'T LET HER GET ON THAT PLANE.

IT'S OK, MR. BAUER.

YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS.

Bill: PETE, DELIVERY.

LET ME TAKE THIS ONE.

I WANT TO SEE IF I CAN OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY.

FINE.

I'LL JUST ASSUME THE "DRIVE SAFE" IS IMPLIED.

BERG.

THANK YOU. I'D LOVE TO.

SO, LET ME GUESS.

HE SENT YOU TO MAKE UP WITH ME?

HE DOESN'T KNOW I'M HERE.

OOH! ORANGES!

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

LOOK, MEL, I'M NO EXPERT ON RELATIONSHIPS.

THIS JUST IN.

BUT I AM AN EXPERT ON PETE, OK,

AND SOMETIMES HE JUST GETS A LITTLE CONFUSED, IS ALL.

GIVE THE GUY A BREAK.

I MEAN, I'M THE ONE WHO BLEW IT.

LOOK, ADMIT IT. YOU'RE JUST HERE

TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER, BERG.

THAT'S RIGHT. I FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER.

GIVE ME A BREAK, BERG.

I DO. IT MAKES MY BEST FRIEND HAPPY.

LOOK, YOU KNOW LIKE IN TAG...

WHERE'S THAT PLACE WHERE YOU'RE SAFE, WHERE THEY CAN'T GET YOU?

HOME BASE?

HOME BASE. PETE'S MY HOME BASE.

I MEAN, I WOULDN'T GET TO BE ME

IF HE WASN'T HIM.

AND SOMEDAY I HOPE I'LL FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOU.

AND WHEN I BLOW IT... WHICH I WILL...

I KNOW HE'LL GO OVER AND MAKE HER REALIZE

THAT THERE'S SOMETHING HERE WORTH SAVING.

WOW. I'VE, UH...

NEVER KNOWN YOU TO BE SO OPEN.

ME NEITHER.

OH, GOD.

WHAT?

7:48.

HAVING USED...

800 TIMES THE NORMAL RECOMMENDED DAILY DOSAGE,

NOW EXPERIENCING A SIDE EFFECT,

FEELING EXTREMELY HONEST AND, UH, FORTHRIGHT.

I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE AFRAID IN MY LIFE.

BERG, THIS STUFF HAS SODIUM PENTATHATE IN IT.

TRUTH SERUM.

SO YOU HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH.

NO... YEAH. OOH.

HA! LAST WEDNESDAY, WHEN PETE WAS SUPPOSED

TO TAKE ME TO THE GALLERY OPENING...

I'VE GOTTA GO.

AND HE CALLED ME AND TOLD ME YOU HAD

AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO SHELLFISH AND HAD TO BE RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL...

WE WERE AT THE DOG TRACK.

AND LAST WEEK, WHEN HE COULDN'T MAKE

MY COUSIN'S ENGAGEMENT PARTY

BECAUSE YOU GUYS WERE COLLECTING TOYS FOR THE ORPHANAGE?

WE WERE PLAYING POP AND SHOT AT O'MALLEY'S.

I KNEW IT!

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,

IT WAS FOR THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP OF ALL TIME.

WHOA!

WHAT DOES HE TELL YOU ABOUT ME?

EVERYTHING.

LIKE WHAT EVERYTHING?

LIKE THE FIRST TIME HE SAW YOU,

HE SAID HE ACTUALLY FELT HIS HEART STOP.

REALLY?

AND YOU...

DO A PHENOMENAL LINDA RONSTADT IMITATION.

OHH.

PETE.

AND HE HATES SUSHI

BUT GOES WITH YOU ALL THE TIME

BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU LOVE IT.

WHY DIDN'T HE SAY ANYTHING?

AND YOU LAUGH LIKE A MAD SCIENTIST DURING SEX.

I DID A BAD THING.

WHO, BERG? WHO DID YOU DO A BAD THING TO?

YES! YES!

GOD, BERG, WHAT MORE COULD YOU HAVE DONE TO ME TODAY?

PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU WENT OVER TO MELISSA'S.

OH, BERG.

I DIDN'T WANT YOU BLAMING ME

FOR SCREWING UP THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,

SO I WENT OVER THERE TO GET YOU GUYS BACK TOGETHER.

AND? AND SHE NEVER WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.

BERG, WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?

EVERYTHING.

IT WASN'T ME. IT WAS THE ASTHMA INHALER.

IT HAD SIDE EFFECTS.

IT WAS LIKE A TRUTH SERUM.

WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?

I... I TOLD HER WHERE YOU REALLY WERE LAST SATURDAY.

OH, GOD.

I TOLD HER ABOUT THE LAUGHING.

YOU WHAT?

YOU KNOW HOW WHEN YOU GUYS HAVE SEX.

SHE LAUGHS LIKE A CRAZY LADY IN AN ATTIC.

AH! SO THAT'S WHAT THAT IS!

DO YOU STILL HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH?

I'M NOT SURE. ASK ME IF I LIKE YOUR HAIR THIS WAY.

DO YOU LIKE MY HAIR THIS WAY?

YES, VERY MUCH.

IT WORE OFF.

YOU KNOW WHAT, BERG?

MY LIFE IS NOT ONE OF YOUR EXPERIMENTS.

JUST LEAVE IT ALONE.

YOU KNOW, I'M WAY STARTING TO FEEL UNDERAPPRECIATED HERE.

GO.

COVER FOR ME.

YEAH, THERE'S ABOUT AS MUCH A CHANCE OF ME WEARING THIS THING...

AH AH AH! HEY! PEOPLE PERSON.

Man: EXCUSE ME.

CAN I SEE A MENU?

IT'S A PIZZA PLACE!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

DID YOU COME TO PUSH ME INTO TRAFFIC?

I DON'T LIKE YOU BEING MAD AT ME.

I'M NOT MAD AT YOU. I'M MAD AT ME.

BERG, I'M GONNA BE 25, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE MY LIFE IS,

AND THE ONE GOOD THING I HAD, I MESSED UP.

WHEN MY DAD WAS MY AGE,

HE HAD A HOUSE, HE HAD A WIFE, HE HAD ME!

I MEAN, WHAT DO I HAVE?

YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF AN EVENING.

THERE'S NO... THERE'S NO BLUEPRINT FOR LIFE, OK?

FIRST IT'S MEIOSIS, OUT OF THE WOMB, SNIP.

THEN YOU GET A BIG OLD ANEURYSM AND YOU SLUMP OVER YOUR DESK, OK?

EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN JUST HAPPENS, PETE.

ENJOY IT.

GOD.

BERG, I'M NOT LIKE YOU, ALL RIGHT?

I DON'T FIND PEARLS WHEN I EAT OYSTERS.

I... I CAN'T LEARN RUSSIAN IN 3 DAYS

FROM A BOOK CALLED...

HOW TO LEARN RUSSIAN IN 3 DAYS.

I WISH I COULD, BUT I CAN'T.

THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE ME.

ARE YOU GONNA HAVE MY CHILDREN?

THERE IS AN EXPERIMENT AT M.I.T. NEXT WEEK.

WHAT IF I WIND UP ALONE?

WHAT IF I WIND UP ALONE, HANGING OUT IN SOME PIZZA PLACE,

TELLING ANYONE WHO'LL LISTEN TO ME

ABOUT THE TIME I PLOWED UNDER MY CORNFIELD

AND BUILT A BASEBALL DIAMOND?

LISTEN TO ME, OK?

EVERYTHING'S GONNA WORK OUT, ALL RIGHT?

YOU'LL HAVE THE WIFE AND THE KIDS.

IT'S THERE.

YOU JUST CAN'T SEE AROUND THAT TURN YET.

BUT HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?

'CAUSE I KNOW.

IT HAS TO.

'CAUSE IF MY LIFE DOESN'T WORK OUT,

I'M COMING TO LIVE WITH YOU.

YOU HEARD ME.

Sharon: FINE!

HEY, BERG, WHAT DO YOU THINK'S GONNA HAPPEN TO SHARON?

I'M SURE SHE'LL SETTLE DOWN, HAVE KIDS.

GET YOUR BUTTS BACK IN HERE!

TAKE OVER CUBA.

I DIDN'T EVEN GET A TIP.

YOU TOLD A CUSTOMER TO SHUT UP

OR YOU'D BASH HIS HEAD IN WITH A SHOVEL!

WELL, HE KEPT WAVING AT ME.

OHH! HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE UP WITH SOMEBODY?

RELAX.

HEY, HEY.

SO HOW'D IT GO?

GO FIGURE.

MELISSA AND I ARE GONNA TRY AND WORK THINGS OUT.

GREAT. I'VE ALWAYS LIKED HER.

COME ON.

I THINK WHAT WE NEED HERE IS A LITTLE POP AND SHOT AT O'MALLEY'S.

UH, NO, I CAN'T.

SHARON'S BUYING.

'CAUSE I'M A PEOPLE PERSON.

HEY, I TOLD MELISSA

I'D GO BACK OVER WITH A VIDEO.

GO BACK OVER? MM-HMM.

HEH HEH HEH HEH.

NOT IN YOUR CONDITION.

LOOK AT HIM.

OOH, ALL CLAMMY AND YELLOW.

NO. GUYS.

FOOD POISONING. EWW.

HITS YOU LIKE THAT.

GUYS.

WE'LL CALL FROM THE BAR.