Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

What?

A conch, he called it.

He used to blow and his and mum would come.

He blew from down here.

You got it.

Congratulations.

My name is Homunculus, and I have great news.

You have been chosen from hundreds of millions of candidates

to participate in a platinum level exclusive contest.

Please be advised that this

is no email flim-flam sweepstakes,

this is a unique competition to probe the very essence

of mind-body articulation.

A competition?

Tell me more.

Through the ferocity of true primal conflict,

you and four specially chosen competitors

will throw into the garbage the trappings

of everyday existence with the rest of the garbage.

Achieve success in this contest,

and you will achieve authentic personal transcendence.

Research data shows that everything that you have done

in your life has led to this moment, and the next moment,

and the moment that follows until the end.

This is a good opportunity for you

to discover the true you that cowers inside the you you.

If you have any reservations,

maybe this will change your mind.

The winner will drive away

in a brand new habanero orange

compact sports utility vehicle, international import.

The proof is this key.

I don't care about a car.

But the brand new habanero orange compact

sports utility vehicle is merely the take-home prize

in this once in a lifetime contest.

The true value is the challenge.

But how, why me?

You have been chosen out of hundreds of millions

of candidates to participate in a platinum level-

- Okay, when does it start?

You will be there tomorrow at noon, 12 a.m.

Your follow contestants are already

exercising their mind-bodies

for the excitement that lays ahead.

I have only one question.

Are there any externals that should be considered?

Externals?

Do you have any attachments?

A dog to walk?

A home with spouse?

Breast milk from your breasts for the children?

No, nothing.

Hi.

Are you with Homo-nucleus?

I'm here for the contest?

There's another one of us.

You know, I don't remember going up for any reality shows.

I do a lot of open calls.

Anyway, this could be really big for me, career wise.

- Exposure and whatnot. - Hi, there.

I'm Bofill.

Hello.

Maria.

I'm psyched, are you psyched?

I am, yes.

You look very ready.

Ready with guns blazing.

Yeah.

This whole thing is pretty intense, but that's awesome.

You know, I can see you guys are going

to be some serious competition.

- Oh, I think so too. - What time do we start?

I think he said 10:30.

I was told noon.

Oh, hello, Maria.

We could shake hands but you look like you probably

have a cold or something.

That strange looking chap said we start at 11:15.

- Where's Homo-nucleus? - Is that the backpack guy?

Yeah, he's the bloke putting this whole shebang together.

He's the host.

No, no, no, no, no.

He's just the messenger.

I bet the real swinging dicks already sizing us up.

What?

Are there cameras?

None of us know anything.

Whatever's happening, it better start soon.

I'm at fiscal year end back at HQ.

Time is literally money.

Yeah, man, I passed up a bunch of auditions for this.

If it doesn't start soon, I might just jog the fuck on,

do you know what I mean?

Okay, um.

One, two.

One, two, three, four, five.

Okay.

It's start time, everybody.

First round is this.

First round?

How many rounds are there?

About 10.

There's only eight up there.

Sounds good.

Eight rounds.

Round one begins.

Hold on, what are we doing?

Take a balloon, inflate it full of air until it pops.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

This is some very bad jazz, people.

I can't inflate anything.

Only have one lung.

You only have one lung?

Well, I think we all have to participate,

otherwise what's the point?

Exactly.

You wouldn't have been chosen unless you were qualified.

Mate, I'm serious.

Maybe he could sit this one out.

No chance.

Come on, look how small those balloons are.

Go on.

This is a skill test based on unity and synergy

of your hands and mouth, and that kind of part of your body.

The competitor who does the most explosions in 60 seconds

is the one who wins round one.

Okay, ready?

Wait.

No, no, no.

I have been advised to tell you all

to give me your telephones.

- Why? - It's in the rules.

No one said anything about any rules.

Maybe we should know the rules before we proceed.

The rules are simple.

Five specially chosen competitors will compete

in stages one through eight,

of eight varied rounds of competition.

The one who wins the most rounds will win it all.

- The SUV. - Personal transcendence.

- What, what's that? - The car?

The winner gets a brand new habanero orange compact

sports utility vehicle, that's what you said,

that's why I'm here.

Yes, of course.

The winner will receive a brand new habanero

orange compact sports utility vehicle, a wicked prize.

If you exit the competition pavilion at any time,

you forfeit, permanently, your place in the contest.

And lastly, most important rule of rules,

each guy must do whatever it takes to win.

So no phones?

Listen, mate, tell the chaps running

the show Andrew Frisbee Jr.'s here to play ball.

I threw mine away.

Yeah, right, cough it up.

I came with nothing.

Sure, fine.

Let's get rolling.

Ready,

Freddy,

go.

Stop.

Now everyone will be ranked according to performance.

You, name.

Manny Jumpcannon.

I want a rematch.

I should get two 60 seconds on account

of only having half the lung capacity.

That's impossible.

This guy here?

Felicie Arkady.

I got four.

Oh, wait, hold on, no way.

She didn't do four.

Four.

This is a good number.

This guy?

Bofill Pancreas.

I sort of lost count.

Let's say three.

You?

It's Andrew Frisbee Jr.,

you got my name wrong up there.

Andrew Frisbee, Jr.

How many?

- That's a big five. - What?

There's no way that you got five.

Just when he said stop, I finished number five.

I trust you.

You?

Maria, Barbizan.

None.

Okay.

To you, congratulations.

Good round, bro.

For round two, we will have some more fun.

You, go to the supplies room,

fetch the cognitive sequencing cubes.

It's over there?

I don't know.

Homunculus, my man.

Just putting this out there, no offense,

but I don't think I was selected for this whole scenario

to be judged by some special needs refugee,

I mean, look at me.

Look at this timepiece.

Look at these individuals, no offense.

Come on.

So how about we get past the pre-ramble,

you take me to meet the big boys behind the curtain?

The results will be recorded on the scoreboard,

everyone will see who is the leader,

and who is not the leader, and who will descend

into true mind-body self actualization.

I found them.

Each one of you gets a square.

When we begin, you open up.

The goal is to utilize your powers of cognitive sequencing

to tap into a deeper evolutionary brain state.

Whoever gets it right first, before the time thing stops,

will receive a point, whoever gets it wrong has failed.

Okay.

Everybody ready?

Take your squares.

Go.

So, what, we're just supposed to lay these out

from left to right?

Sounds good.

What the fuck?

Done.

Done, I'm done.

The fun stops.

This is bullshit.

None of this stuff means anything!

Who's the winner?

Let's see.

I was done first.

I imagine this looks right.

You imagine?

Is it right or not?

The winner of round two is Arkady.

For fucks sakes.

Now you see how exciting and productive

this competition is.

Round three will be a challenge of your creative capacity,

and your universal enlightenment scope.

You will compose and perform a national anthem

for the world.

We have to write a song?

A personal international anthem that inspires the world.

All right, this one is in the bag.

Music is my thing.

How long have we got?

As long as is determined to be necessary.

Two hours?

How long are we going to be here?

You must take this as an opportunity

to focus your mind-body organs on a global platform

across the millennia, from dinosaurs in their tar puddles,

to Sir Richard Branson in his spaceship.

Hold on.

Wait, I said hold on.

Hey, stop.

You can't leave this pavilion.

You will be disqualified.

It's the rules.

I shall be needing this.

Have you guys ever written a song before?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, literally thousands.

Just got to find a pen, ain't I?

Delightful creatures.

Look at his little pants.

Could you please knock?

You're really disrupting my workflow.

I was just checking if you're still using the guitar,

I'd like to work on my song.

We need to establish

some personal boundaries here, people.

I mean, yeah, it's power packed with nutrients,

but really it's about connecting with people

and building a healthy community.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Cool.

And as a Xircolite nutrition administrator,

you're not only branding your business,

you're branding yourself.

Yeah, my brand right now is probably rising star.

You see, in my case, my goal is I've got to get big.

Now, maybe 18-inch bicep circumference isn't the only thing,

but it's my thing, and this contest is the same,

it's about goals.

Do you have any goals, Manny?

Oh, yeah.

Ever since I was a kid, I knew I'd be famous,

whether it be for my acting or my music or my modeling.

Anyway, this contest is just an extension

of me pursuing that destiny.

Yes.

Pursuing your destiny.

At any cost.

Yeah.

Okay.

You know, I've got a few intro webinars

you should check out.

If I can get my downline volume up,

I could be looking at supervisor in 12 to 18 months.

Yeah, cool.

Yeah.

But I've got a lot on the go at the moment.

It's a pyramid scam, hombre.

No pues.

Pyramid schemes are totally illegal, believe me.

Xircolite is only about three things.

Financial opportunity, fitness, and community.

It's like Amway or Herbalife.

I can tell you're smart, Andrew.

You're a critical thinker.

Xircolite encourages that.

Touché.

So, what are you pulling in per quarter hawking that crap?

Right now, I'm just about breaking even

with my supply line, hoping to qualify

for the annual leadership conference in Awahua.

I know a guy who made 17,000 US just last month.

It's a protein powder?

Oh, man, we're talking herbal aloe,

high concentrate extracts, isolates, infusers.

Xircolite has over 300 staff scientists worldwide,

22 with actual PhDs.

It's simple supply and demand,

the only problem is you're playing both sides

of the bargain.

You see, the Frisbee family mindset is all about supply.

Winners, losers.

Whatever works.

So you're a finance guy, Andrew?

Yes, yes.

Securities, short sellings, cryptocurrencies, all that.

Hold that thought.

- Delivery. - This is covered?

Comida gratis.

Homunculus crushes it again.

Trust me that drooling half-wit isn't running this rodeo.

You build a Fortune 500 business from the ground up, you get

to know how things operate beyond

what you're allowed to see.

And what do you see?

Well, let's just say, I'm usually on the other side

of the curtain.

It's like my old man, Andrew Frisbee Sr.

used to say, "The best way to close a deal

is to underestimate your opponent."

What is it your father does exactly?

Business, equity, hedge funds.

It's a diverse portfolio, probably a little over your head.

No gain, no pain,

no gain, no time to waste.

Put on your game face, get together, can we get along?

Got to be strong, can't we get along?

Hola.

Got to stay primed, keep the fire burning.

I bet your strength gives you some advantage

in this contest.

That's probably why you were chosen.

I hope so.

When H came up to me saying this contest

is all about transcendence and challenging myself,

I said, "Tell me where to sign."

Me too.

But I must to admit, I'm still a little confused

on how they picked us.

It all seems pretty random.

No, no, no, no.

No.

This is not random, there's a purpose to it,

we just need to learn how to see it.

Interesting.

Xircolite says the key to success is endurance.

Maybe you have a bad month, maybe three,

but in the end, it pays off.

I've had a lot of bad months.

Maybe this is my payoff.

How's it going?

Just checking in to see if you need any, you know, help.

No, I'm almost done.

I mean, we should be working together.

An alliance.

I bet you look at me and think, "Who's that guy?

He's all about the mind games."

I'm all about what you see, is what you get.

Do you even want to win?

Yeah, but I've got debilitating conditions.

There's my lung, my ADD,

plus I'm on the dyslexia spectrum

and I pretty much have chronic fatigue-

- Stop complaining, that's not how you get ahead.

I know, but I just have-

- You have to figure out

how to defeat your opponents

using the strengths you already have.

In your case, there aren't really any,

so your best bet is to make use of a technicality.

Technicality, like what?

Go slam your finger in a door or something.

Say it was an accident.

No way.

You must be on drugs.

If you have an injury, you can't compete.

You get a collateral injury point for the round.

Is that in the rules?

It's only fair.

How are you expected to keep track of all the rules

when you're suffering from ADD?

Go on.

I won't tell.

Play the game the way it's meant to be played.

Well, Homo-nucleus did say,

"The most important rule was doing

whatever it takes to win."

That a boy.

That Felicie girl knows what she's doing.

I don't trust her.

She knows stuff.

She doesn't know shit.

There's no way she blew up four balloons.

I know, right?

Hey, I'm thinking we should team up, like

"I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here."

I'll deal with that bitch.

Right, yeah, but you've got to be careful these days-

- I see what's going on.

Hey!

Hey!

I know you can hear me.

I get it, this is just some sort

of social experiment, you're testing me.

Okay.

Kudos, well played, but I see.

Now, reveal yourselves.

Do you hear me?

- I hear you. - Don't touch me!

What's wrong with you?

Well, the same as you, Andrew Frisbee.

We're both here, aren't we?

It's Andrew Frisbee Jr.

Your name means nothing here.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

What?

Do you ever hear a voice, Manny?

A voice?

Where?

Well, everywhere.

It's like the voice in your head,

but it's actually coming from somewhere else.

Maybe the inside of your head is the same as the outside,

maybe that's what the outside of your head actually is,

a manifestation of the inside.

Are you tripping out or something?

Me?

No.

Are you?

No, I'm working on 16 months sober.

It's fucking hard, innit?

I've got demons.

You're interesting, Manny.

And you're a freak, lady, but like I always say,

life's a journey.

Shitting hell.

Time's up.

Round three.

International Anthems.

Who's first?

I'll go first.

♪ No pain no gain, no time to waste ♪

♪ Everybody get together, put on your game face ♪

♪ Every country in the world it's time to stand tall ♪

♪ From the USA to the Chinese Wall ♪

♪ Get together people, can we get along ♪

♪ If we stand together, we can all be strong ♪

♪ Xircolite, that's the new world order ♪

♪ Positive health-style is stronger than borders ♪

Next.

I'll go.

♪ We have heard the people sing of evening gowns ♪

♪ Wedding rings ♪

♪ Gloomy nights, sunny days ♪

♪ Cabarets, roundelays ♪

♪ But of such things, I won't despair ♪

♪ Memories, we cannot care ♪

♪ All you fools will die unsaved ♪

♪ And I will piss upon your graves ♪

I think we're having fun.

Now, Frisbee.

It's Frisbee Jr.

♪ Rockets exploding, children crying ♪

♪ Men and women bleeding and dying ♪

♪ Raise up the flag and fall to your knees ♪

♪ Hail to the flag flapping in the breeze ♪

♪ A world without welfare, a world without crime ♪

♪ You think it's hard but it's not, it's fine ♪

♪ A world where a man is allowed to earn as much as he can ♪

♪ And doesn't have to burn his hard-earned cash ♪

♪ For the thieves on the hill ♪

♪ A world of freedom, it's kill or be killed ♪

♪ A world for winners, where losers expire ♪

♪ Where winners survive, not losers and liars ♪

Weird.

Next.

Where's Manny?

Manny, you're up!

I'm not ready yet!

Homunculus says now.

All contestants must compete

with their personal international anthem

before the next round.

Oh, god!

First aid kit!

What have you done to yourself?

The door, my finger!

Keep it elevated,

- it will be okay. - Oh, god.

Ow, ow, ow.

I need my injury point.

No point.

But Felicie said!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I say a lot of things,

he's a big boy, it's not my problem.

She duped you, you got played, now suck it up,

let's finish this round, hey?

But it's not fair!

Oh, just sing something, just make it happen

from inside you.

I'm not ready yet.

Just do the fucking song!

Ow.

♪ Well the world is so big and round and green ♪

♪ It's the craziest planet, or world I've ever seen ♪

Enough.

Next.

- That's everyone. - That is everyone.

The winner is

A. Frisbee.

It's Frisbee Jr.,

make me tell you that one more time, see what happens.

- Tough guy. - Yeah, we'll see, princess.

What?

- Stage five begins. - Four.

That was three, this is four.

Okay, sure.

Round four begins.

This is a major round, a round that affects the rest

of your lives and the contest.

Depending if you get it right or wrong,

you could live forever on the inside of a hotel

with mostly gold, or end up like the man with the plan,

the big man himself, Colonel M. Gaddafi,

who died so ignobly with the bayonet up his ass.

Yo, H, I wonder if before we get started,

maybe I could get a phone just for a second,

call in a protein run?

I'm a little low on juice.

No calls.

But oh, hello, round four allows you to reach out

and touch someone.

Communications.

Smoke signals.

Telekinesis.

Long before the spoken word,

barnacles and parasites exchanged information

with spores and bivalves, way before grunts

and screams were heard on this earth.

Your communication will echo existence

across the eternal divide.

Using your own brain, you will design

and manufacture a functioning telecommunications device.

This pavilion has many parts, you can-

- What do you got in there? - Supplies.

What exactly is your deal?

I'm here for the contest, just like you.

We were chosen.

No, you're nothing like me.

I want the car, and I'm going to get it.

Oh, sure, the car.

Good luck to you.

Hello?

All right, mate?

Hello?

Fucks sake, Manny, just speak.

Making me do all this technology jazz

is really unfair, I'm on a spectrum.

This is not about the car.

Forget about the car, forget about everything.

We need to fight our way back to our real selves.

I am my real self.

No.

If you were what you were meant to-

- Just stop,

I don't need your help.

...for a magic bean,

still think the bloody world owes him something.

I never asked anyone for anything.

I'm on to you.

I see.

And you're wrong, it is about the car.

Oh, guys, let's keep it friendly, huh?

Manny's doing the best he can, we all are, but, H,

I really need some Formula One protein mix.

If I could just use the phone, please?

- Is everybody ready? - How long do we have?

13 hours?

Okay, bye.

- I don't get it. - Yes, you do.

Bread just goes stale,

it doesn't need to think about it first.

So, when we make the device, we can use it to call out?

Who're you going to call, your probation officer?

Sure you've got tons of pressing communications

back at HQ.

If only you knew.

One phone call,

I could put the entire Chinese telecom industry

into arrears.

Give it up, even Manny knows you're full of shit, Jr.

Excuse me?

Are you implying something about my father?

Come on, guys.

Let's not get personal, huh?

Save it, Ferrigno.

Keeping you off the phone is a public service.

There still might be some second cousin back in Ecuador

that you haven't roped into your protein cult yet.

Xircolite is my family, it's not a cult.

Fine.

None of us have anyone to call, who cares.

I'm just here to win a car.

- Car, yeah, right. - That's the prize,

you don't want it?

Yeah, because an orange compact SUV

would look real sharp parked next to an E-Class Mercedes.

Anyway, has anyone actually seen this purported prize?

H has a key.

Oh, a key, oh, I'm, oh, come on, you believe that?

Course there's a car, look at this place.

If you don't think there's a car,

why don't you do us a favor and forfeit?

Because Felicie, there are bigger forces at work.

You see, I'm a power player.

I come from a long line of power players,

and I've executed enough big plays to know

that the carrot they're dangling in front

of your face is actually a dildo.

What?

Okay, wait, is there a habanero orange compact SUV,

yes or not?

Don't listen to Andrew.

He just knows he's going to lose,

so he's trying to save face.

Fuck you.

When I win that car, I'm going to drive

to a grocery store, and I am going to park diagonally

over two handicapped spots.

That's all the purpose I need.

No.

No.

This is not it.

You're arguing about what is true,

but there's something much greater than truth.

Listen, none of this is random.

There's a pattern here, or a system, we just need to see it.

Jesus Christ.

There was already communication.

I was given a message.

A hawk.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Did you know, in the Malay Archipelago,

there are wild boars that erect shrines out

of the bones of their amphibian prey?

Even swine honor their enemy,

like they honor their own lives, until every autumn,

the rains come, and wash it all away.

What the heck?

We need to become what we really are.

We need to be free like the boars,

huddled in the Borneo rainforest,

enduring cycle after cycle after cycle of destruction,

where the only real fight,

the only real fight

is for survival.

Okay, bitch, Bofill is a credulous simpleton,

Andrew is an overcompensating windbag-

- I'm a windbag? - But you, I have no idea.

You're the fucking windbag, fuck you, cunt.

Felicie, I know that when the moment comes,

you won't hesitate.

That's right.

I won't.

Don't listen to Maria, she's insane.

Why waste time talking,

when you can communicate without words?

That's time you could spend

feeding your mind-body hunger and building mass.

Fitness is the message, with Xircolite you are

statistically guaranteed to communicate

your mind-body style through your downline,

your extended Xircolite family.

Gracias, Manito.

Respecto.

There will come a time where action and words

and fitness are all one thing.

Why waste time talking

when you can communicate without words?

That's time you could spend

feeding your mind-body hunger and building mass.

- Looking good, hombre. - Yeah.

I think I figured this one out.

Me too, brother.

You want to get stuff done?

You want to go from the mental to the instrumental.

Bro, that's heavy.

It's like managing your Xircolite downline.

Achieving a qualifying downline volume,

can't get there without contingency reserve,

asset acquisition, scalability.

But I'm stating the obvious, it's business 101,

you know all this.

Yeah, of course.

It's like us Frisbees always say,

"It's about winners and losers.

Supply and demand."

But in order to create demand, you have to tell people

what they want,

and that's what this communication device round

is really all about.

It's about creating demand with impact.

Electricity.

Yeah!

What do you want, Bofill?

I want to get big.

You want to mass up.

If you're going to do that,

you're going to need raw materials.

Protein, glutamine, electrolytes, that's the supply,

and then you've got to think demand.

Yes, demand.

But I mean, you know all this,

you're a success builder level gold, right?

You've got the edge in this round.

I think so.

How you doing on protein?

Not good.

Supply is low, demand is high.

Right, shit, fuck.

Well, listen, as soon as I get my communications network up

and running, your protein intake is my top priority,

trust me.

Thanks, Andrew Frisbee Jr.

You're a good person.

I know.

Hey, the fuck?

I was watching that.

Hello?

Hello?

Protein supply.

Protein supply.

Feed the eater.

Pina colada cell activator, Formula One

whey isolate.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Maria.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Xiphosura.

Conflict.

Conflict?

Hello?

Barbara Frisbee.

You got my transmission?

Oh, how perfectly marvelous.

Just there's fine.

Bofill, look at this.

I summoned that chap with my device, it worked.

Fuck, yeah.

Protein supply.

No way.

Pina colada Formula One cell activator,

this is, this is incredible.

Hold on there, champ.

You're in my downline now.

Supply comes through Frisbee Enterprises.

Okay.

Now is the judgment part of round four.

- It is time- - Winner deals.

Behold, I'm working with a threefold strategy.

One, innovation.

Two, outmaneuvering.

Three, supremacy.

Here we go.

Seated comfortably in the receivers position,

it's possible to continuously import

and export information beyond the capacity

of any product currently on the market.

- That's innovation. - Enough, stop!

By planification vis-à-vis existing channels,

the data stream can achieve a higher volume

than any existing competitors.

Outmaneuvering!

By combinating output with signal makes this

the most diversified telecommunications device

on the market.

That's supremacy.

Recreate supply with existing channels established

in phase two, meet demand by distribution

of said merchandise, create more demand.

No, don't touch my device!

I'll go!

Before Xircolite, communication was anxietizing and limited

to face-to-face exchange-

- Side-to-side it's the Spritzer Ride,

scream if you want to go faster!

Put your hands inside the car.

Enough.

Round and round she goes, where she stops,

no one knows!

Manny, more corn!

- Roger Dodger, over and out. - Enough.

Xircolite subscribers can improve

their mind-body wellness by attending the protein

and power seminar.

Bofill, don't eat that crap.

I got you the real high protein protein.

You wanted it, I got it.

Enough!

Next guy.

Listen.

Xiphosura,

Can you hear me?

Next.

Just wait a moment.

Are you there?

Hello, Maria?

We can hear you clearly now.

Good.

I'm here for all of you.

Tell us how to win.

Teach us.

Later.

We'll talk later.

Bye, bye.

That's some poor quality reception.

- Next guy. - Me.

Voila.

Functioning telecommunications device.

Just as ordered.

Welcome.

Please choose from the following six options.

To find out if an item is in stock, press one.

To get opening hours, directions-

For questions regarding our-

- Hang on a second.

kitchen series, press one.

If you need assistance-

- That's just a fucking cellphone.

Let me see that.

A functioning telecommunications device.

A true winner.

Wait a second, that's my cellphone.

Next round.

That's just my phone, wrapped in tinfoil.

Where did you get that?

I manufactured it with my mind.

She can't stand that I'm winning, so she robs me?

Why isn't anybody saying anything?

I placed an order from the Des Moines shipping hub

using nothing but household appliances,

and you're impressed by a stolen cellphone?

Bofill, back me up, man.

Manny?

I don't know.

The reception is incredible.

Losers, you're all fucking losers!

Whatever, you fucking phony, no one's buying

that pathetic Zig Ziglar act.

You're a fraud and everyone knows it.

Okay, okay, guys, let's stay cool, huh?

Don't, Felicie.

Don't.

- Stop, Andrew Frisbee! - Get off, Bofill.

Round five is fun, it's "Get Me an Earlobe."

The round is designed to be a test of endurance

and strength and of the phenomenon of sound

as captured by the ears and the lobes.

The winner will fetch me-

- Porco dio. - Manny.

There, earlobe.

This is an earlobe, but you didn't let me finish.

The winner will fetch me someone else's earlobe.

Earlobe.

Oh, my god.

Oh my god!

Fill wins round five.

Yeah!

I'm sorry, little buddy, I'm sure it'll grow right back.

- Get away from me! - No pain, no gain, man!

Oh, my god.

I'm mutilated.

Now I've got to get new head-shots.

Get off me!

Maybe we should all just take a minute-

- Let's just do the next one.

Go get yourself cleaned up first, you look bloody awful.

Fuck you!

The contest continues.

Come on, Humongous, crack the fuck on, mate.

The next round is called Diogenes Nose-Peg.

This event is designed

to test the individual threshold-

- Clothes pegs?

So what, right?

We put them on our nipples?

On our junk?

I do this shit all the time.

Let's have it.

The respiratory nose pin is applied

to the nose holes like this.

The mouth hole is taped over with a piece

of industrial grade tape.

When the timer starts, each guy must hold his breath

for the longest without breathing.

The last guy to start breathing wins.

The one who wins, wins.

Is that it?

All right, let's go.

I am winning this fucking round.

Manny, maybe with your one lung, you-

- No pain, no game.

Time to start.

Ready, Freddy,

go.

Ah, bollocks.

The fucking nose peg was cutting off the circulation

to my brain.

Yes.

Fuck you, Felicie, can't cheat on this one.

Oh, fucking Hercules can't beat a woman and a junkie.

We have a winner.

Let's update the scoreboard.

Wait, didn't I win round two?

Don't even try with that shit.

Wait, who won the cognitive sequencing round?

I did, you moron.

I'm a little confused by the-

- Yeah, somebody's got

- to cross check- - Manny, you won.

Manny?

- Manny? - Bye.

Manny, Manny!

Manny, come on, breathe.

Breathe.

Manny.

Manny!

Guys, guys, he's not breathing.

Shouldn't you be rebalancing

your electrolytes or something?

Yeah, but he's not breathing.

Does anyone know CPR?

Are you fucking with me?

No, pues.

- He just- - He just held his breath

until he died, is that even possible?

Do you think maybe it's because I cut off his ear?

It's possible.

The blood loss, combined with the lung disability, and lack

of blood could have caused angina.

I was just trying to play hard.

I'm sorry.

You're not giving him a fucking massage at a spa,

you have to push harder.

You're not going to fucking do anything

if you don't push-

Hello?

Hello?

Manny, come on.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

He's dead, he's dead.

Hello, Felicie.

Hello?

Exploit the exchange cycle.

Exploit?

Who?

Feeder, eater.

Homunculus is smart, yeah?

He will know what to do.

You all saw that, right?

Guy in charge fled the scene.

Not culpable.

Two for the price of one, Felicie.

Just adapt the dosage and the downline.

The downline.

What's the dosage?

Eliminate the competition.

Feeder needs eater.

Supplier needs demand.

No eater, no feeder.

Yes.

Elimination.

Supremacy.

Compact SUV.

Andrew, what's the dosage?

What?

What are you asking me?

Aren't you supplying his protein intake?

Even in the bleakest of times there's

still a buck to be made.

Correct, yes.

I'll mix one up for you.

Fine.

Right.

Right, two scoops, Formula Three cell activator,

F2 multivitamin complex, and then mix in some

of the aloe peanut cookie dough isolate.

I don't, I don't know.

Little Manny.

Okay, okay, it's okay,

Bofill, we'll get you something

to balance your macronutrient ratio, just hold it together.

What?

You have something to say?

You're fine with this?

The only real fight is for survival, right?

That's disgusting.

Poor Manny.

Manny made a choice.

He committed to this contest, and because of that,

he won the round.

That takes true courage.

I don't know.

Doesn't seem right to me.

To me neither.

I feel sick.

Look, did you glue his nose shut?

No.

He wanted to win.

It's a contest, there are winners and losers,

supply and demand, that's how it goes.

Could someone get me some water, maybe?

Easy there, Bof, what you need is green tea concentrate,

supports free radical damage, 48 grams per unit.

Uh-oh.

Looks like your downline is reaching his intake limit.

No, no, no.

He's fine, he's fine.

Hold it there, chap,

you're losing valuable caloric absorption,

at this rate, you're looking at major mass depletion.

Can't deplete mass, I've got to get big, for Manny.

Just need to get his pantothenetic acids up.

Bof, I'll set you up with some flora fiber

and some aloe concentrate for the gastrointestinal-

- God, I wonder what Andrew Sr.

would be making of all this.

Don't.

Looks like he needs more Formula One,

I'll grab it for you.

Mix in some of that isotonic green tea

electrolyte sustamine hydrater.

Fuck.

I can't run low on supply, I'm going to have to order

in a few more cases.

Hello?

Hello?

This is vendor number 326A, do you read me?

Andrew, my boy.

Feeder or eater?

Feeder.

Supply.

Placing another order for 12 boxes Formula One

cell activator supplement, 16 cartons of pina colada mix.

Pina colada, mmm.

That's tasty.

Eight boxes, herbal aloe concentrate.

Feed. Failure, disappointment.

Failure, disappointment.

Dad.

No daddy.

Xiphosura, son.

He's hungry!

Protein, come on.

- Yeah, yeah, I got it. - Quick.

Be careful, there's a limited supply of that stuff.

Course, Mr Frisbee.

Frisbee Jr.

Of course, Mr Frisbee Jr.

Agua.

What you need is to get your electrolytes up.

Some aloe concentrate power hydration.

Feed.

One must feed.

More.

Swallow.

Stop it.

Please everyone.

Just let me think.

This bitch knows more than she lets on.

No, I don't.

I thought I did, but I don't know anything.

Is this even a contest anymore?

That's exactly what this is.

Please, Felicie. Were people supposed to die?

There's no "supposed to," it's just what happened.

Nothing just happens.

Nothing just happens.

Maybe this is a mistake.

We have to end this, now.

No, we got this far, we've got to make it to the end,

for Manny.

But this isn't what we were meant for.

We had a purpose.

I had a purpose.

Not sure about that one.

When I filled out the form at the job expo,

there were terms and conditions-

- Form, what form?

When I signed up for the contest.

We were selected.

I got an email.

No, we were chosen.

We were chosen out of hundreds of millions of candidates.

To participate in a platinum level exclusive contest.

Yeah, platinum.

Bofill, you said yourself-

- H was handing out mustard samples at the Corte Ingles,

I filled out the form, I guess I just got lucky.

Jesus Christ.

We were picked randomly, it's like a sweepstakes.

- Maria. - No.

Where's Xiphosura?

Where is, where is Xiphosura?

I left that thing in the bathroom.

Felicie?

- Refill. - Ah, yep.

Coming right up, Andrew Frisbee Jr.

Speak to me.

No.

Open the door, break the glass.

Congratulations, the contest is going really well.

Everyone is apprehending new modes

of mind-body articulation.

Time for round seven.

The last round before the last round.

For this one, the heat heats up.

This round is very fun.

The contestants have one minute

of standard universal time to extinguish the candle fire.

The guy who blows out the candle automatically wins,

but uh-oh, he makes the ultimate sacrifice.

This round is called Certain of Death.

More rules are, if the time expires

and nobody snuffs the flame, 100 poison arrows shoot

from all the walls of this pavilion,

and hit everyone in the face and all over the body,

and kill them instantly and painfully.

If any guy leaves the pavilion while the timer

is still timing, the arrows will still shoot out

and kill the other guys, and also everybody in the corridor.

Everyone.

Huh?

Wait a second, arrows?

100 poison-tipped arrows will fly from all the walls

of this pavilion and hit everyone in the face and-

- The winner dies. - Sure, sounds good.

Let's go.

Ready, Freddy-

- Hang on, just hang on.

Just back up a second.

Go!

- Shit. - What do we do?

Hang on, this is just one

of those bullshit trust games, thought experiments.

You don't know that.

The ultimate sacrifice, what is that?

Nobody's going to die, just, just blow out the candle.

You do it.

Nuh-uh, I'll let you win this round, just do it.

- Let me? - Whatever.

You win then, you're a big time winner, just do it!

I don't want to die.

You're not going to die, nothing

in this stupid pavilion works the way it's supposed to.

You do it, you want the car so bad, it's yours.

Look, this is just a round,

there's going to be another one.

I mean, the person doesn't automatically win this round,

right?

Or do they win the whole-

- Blow out the fucking candle,

we're all going to die!

Fuck that!

Hey, lunatic, what's really going on here?

What do you know?

Bofill, man, got to step up, man!

I try-

Oh, fuck.

Fuck, fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck it!

I'm leaving, disqualify me, I don't care.

Don't, Andrew, don't.

If you go out that door, we all die.

I don't care.

You will die in the hallway too.

Oh, fuck!

The winner is her.

Andrew, supply water, please.

Easy there, champ.

Your peptide levels are spiking.

Here.

Get some of that.

Easy there, hombre, okay, this is better.

Nutritional refreshment, inspired by the Amazons.

Yes.

That guy looks dead.

Next round.

Shut up, he's not dead.

He's dead.

See, boy, you've gone and done it again, ain't you?

You've gone and done it again, my son, you've gone

and done it again, ain't you, my son?

Fucking loser, ain't you, boy?

You fucking loser!

Ooh, he's a fucking loser, ain't you, my boy?

You fucking loser!

Bofill, get up!

Yes, I'm going to need to place a product return

on 16 quarts of, actually,

I need to place a defective product case, or um-

- Feeder or eater.

Supplier.

Supplier.

You killed your downline.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, this is just a temporary setback.

Next quarter earnings are set for a rebound, I swear.

Now, listen, I just need you to tell me how

to win the next round.

Killed him.

I didn't.

I didn't, dad.

Dad, I didn't.

- Killed him. - Dad, I didn't.

You.

You're behind all this.

This thing needs to be destroyed.

Go ahead.

We're almost done.

What fun.

Who's winning?

It's a tie.

This round informs me about a transmission.

Please hand me a functioning telecommunications device.

Don't listen to that thing, it's broken.

This guy says, "Andrew Frisbee killed his downline

and is going to lose."

What?

The guy on the phone said, "The next round

is Andrew Frisbee loses."

What the fuck are you talking about?

He says, "Andrew Frisbee killed his downline

and Andrew Frisbee is a loser."

Guess that's what happens

when you can't maintain your downline.

- Shut up. - Don't sweat it.

Not everyone's a winner,

some of us are just born losers in a long line of losers.

The next round is called "Andrew Frisbee, Loser."

- Andrew Frisbee, loser. - Shut up.

Andrew Frisbee, loser.

Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser. - Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser. - Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser. - Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser. - Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser! - Shut up.

- Andrew Frisbee, loser! - Shut up!

- Andrew Frisbee, loser! - Shut up!

- Andrew Frisbee- - Junior!

Okay.

All right, what's the score?

I think we're done here.

Not yet.

One more.

- Who's the judge? - Me.

- Then you can't compete. - I know.

Stop prevaricating.

Round eight, what is it?

This next round is called,

Get the Hat.

On my mark.

Three, two, one,

Get the hat.

Get off me!

Fucking sport utility vehicle.

Suck on that, losers!

You see that, old man?

I beat you!

Andrew Frisbee

Jr.

I won.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull