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I'm Aaron Milton.

I come from a long line of engineers,

generation after generation of nerds.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter about it.

We happen to be good at figuring out how things work.

It's just I have a few other interests

and lately that's been a bit of a problem.

It's all pretty basic.

Quantitative Chemistry Lab, Applied Physics,

Engineering 203, Calculus for Engineering II,

placed out of the first semester.

That's my boy.

And your elective is, which one did I decide on finally?

What about a painting class?

He's going to an ivy league school, not summer camp.

Oh, here it is, Advanced Design and Systems Integration.

Oh, for god's sake, Phil.

We're not gonna make it.

I can calculate a Jupiter landing,

I can get us up College Hill.

You've known for months about this trip.

It's a simple force of equation.

Aaron, if you ever wondered,

this is why I divorced your father.

Ah, lookie here.

What is this, Woodstock?

God, they're so young.

Seven out of 10 have had intercourse.

Four out of 10 are doing drugs.

One out of 10 is gay.

What does that leave?

Me.

This is what you get for $35,000?

A holding cell?

It's not so bad.

Oh, take the one furthest from the door, it's safer.

I got you something for your room.

Tada, my little scout.

Look at that, you framed it.

Didn't they do a good job?

I got you something else.

Some of these kids are here because they come from money,

you made it on merit.

But I just don't think that I need it hanging on my wall.

What, lawyers do it, dentists,

even my gynecologist does it.

Okay, then I'll get a receptionist and

I'll start taking appointments.

Perkins 101.

Yeah, hi.

What's going on?

I'm Aaron, these are my folks.

I'm William, you can call me Will or Bill, it's whatever.

Fiona here calls me Wild Bill.

I just met her parents.

I was like, I'll take it from here, mom.

Uh, everything we worked for all these years.

We.

I still think I should've kept you back another year,

17 is so young.

I really made a mess of things.

What are you two talking about?

Don't make the same mistake.

What mistake, what are you talking about?

Dad!

Chicks or dicks?

What?

Are you into chicks or are you into dicks?

Chicks.

All right, man, take it easy, I was just fucking with you.

You know the doorknob rule?

No.

Let's say you have somebody in the room, right,

and you don't wanna be disturbed,

the doorknob is the deal.

Just hang the necktie on there and the other person

knows occupido, come back later.

Why don't we just put like a note on

the door or something?

What, like busy fucking?

No, I mean, it could be code.

It could be code, it could be like zebra or

tango niner or something.

Fuck, am I gonna have to break in a virgin?

What, no, no, I am not a virgin.

I'm gonna get that new car smell off you

so you don't scare off all the tail.

No, I am not a virgin.

Okay, okay, don't get freaky on me.

Just remember the doorknob thing, okay?

My brother's a junior at Columbia, this is what works.

Fine.

How about this?

Very perverse, scout master.

I like it.

Please find in close a rendering of the female

genitalia, I alert you to the area in red known

as the clitoris.

While its location is somewhat counterintuitive,

it is the key to female pleasure.

Had I known sooner, it might have saved my marriage

to your mother.

Mmm mmm.

♪ I'll follow my fears ♪

♪ And I'll walk away from here ♪

♪ It's over and they'll see ♪

♪ That I'm wide awake and clear ♪

Do you see the on that thing?

Oh, hey, Perkins.

Aaron.

Perkins, the dorm, you live there.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.

How do you know that?

I live on your floor.

I saw you on the way to the shower this morning.

Okay.

I'm Darcy.

Aaron, hi.

I all ready said that.

Well, here it is.

There you go.

I'll see you around.

All right.

By the way, nice robe.

Congratulations to you all,

you've made it to my Advanced Design seminar.

Only the best of the best get in this program.

Go ahead, do yourself a favor, take a good look around you.

Everybody in here pretty much thinks he or she

can walk on water, right?

Well, guess what, by the end of this course,

you're gonna have the opportunity to prove that.

Each of you will create an apparatus that will enable you

to walk on the water at the Swim Center.

You'll design it, build it, and compete with it.

And by the end of the semester,

you'll have done at 20 what Jesus didn't manage

until he was 30.

Now, what you might wanna do is look up

our old friend, Archimedes.

His principle states what?

If any object partially...

Why can't I switch my elective?

Aaron, do you know how many juniors and seniors

would kill to have a spot in my class?

You're my only freshman.

You could be doing this.

I mean, plus, our drawing class is a waste.

You're obviously all ready good at that.

But how do you know that?

I know your record, I'm the reason you

got your scholarship.

Even though some of my colleagues balked at

taking someone so young.

And by the way, your mother mentioned you had

some social concerns.

If you ever wanna talk--

Oh my god, my mother spoke to you.

Anything.

I'm good, that's fine, really, but just--

I was in college.

I don't know, just about the drawing class,

I really don't see how it can hurt, you know.

Aaron, do you know why I picked you?

I love to know how things work, all of it,

and I saw that in your essay.

Now, believe me, you're gonna love this program.

Hey.

Sorry.

You're late.

I'm lost, I actually thought this

was an engineering class.

You always bring a sketch pad to your engineering classes?

Well, you seem to have some talent.

I am looking for simple, clean lines.

Draw what you see.

Oh my god.

Sorry.

Sit.

Yes.

Well, look at the bright side, you'll probably never

be more embarrassed in your whole life.

You'd be surprised.

♪ I am all in a ball in your front yard ♪

♪ I have this bag of hammers ♪

Clever, Mr. Milton, but not what I asked for.

Clean, simple.

Oh my god, that is so great.

Hey, DaVinci!

Where you off to in such a hurry?

I have chemistry.

Yeah, well I have psych, so what do you say we cut them

and go get caffeinated?

Can't cut classes the first week.

Really?

Wow, this is really good shit.

Right, so, can I ask you how you, uh,

how you became a freshman?

Well, I mean, you are a freshman, right?

Yeah, I enrolled like everyone else.

What, you think I got some pull or something?

No, it's just that you're--

What, beautiful and talented?

You just, you know--

Why don't you just ask me what you wanted to know, okay?

No pausing, no editing, no stammering, go.

Uh, why are you doing this to me?

Ask your question, very direct.

Well, Aaron, you're a really talented guy and

I just think that talented people should

be more forthright.

So, screw polite, here's how we ask our question.

Hey Linda, you got at least 10 years on the average

freshman, what's an old chick like you doing

in a place like this.

See, that's not what I was going to say.

No, but that's what you were thinking.

No, I didn't think it like that, I just--

Aaron, how are you trying to protect?

I don't know.

Look, say I have three tits,

you think I don't know that fact unless

someone points it out?

When you're polite, you're polite for you, not me,

the three titted chick.

Archimedes was in the bathtub

when he had his eureka moment.

Think volume, think buoyancy.

Now, you'll have all semester to build your water walker,

but it will be 95% of your grade.

This is Perkins tradition.

Look, can you guys, can you do this somewhere else?

You're up, pork state.

Two more and we'll be able to officially verify.

Perkins biggest dick.

That is not the biggest dick,

that is just the longest dick.

Shut up!

Dude, he's right.

No, that's true, we need a measurement around.

No, guys, look, okay, that's not gonna work

because then you'll have circumference in one place.

Okay, Mr. Engineer, then how do you suggest

we measure our penises?

The best way to measure volume is through displacement.

Displacement.

Yes, like a beer mug filled to the brim with water.

Right, you slide the object into the mug

and then you measure the amount that remains.

That's how you know how much was displaced.

Okay, a couple things, number one,

how do you get like an angle on a beer mug?

You know what I'm saying?

And number two, we have a verification issue

because I can just pour a bunch out and

be like, aw, my dick's enormous.

And somebody's gotta verify.

You know what, fuck the volume concept.

You're up, slide rule.

No, no, I'm studying.

Uh, you want us to get out of here so you can study?

Measure your penis.

No, no, I am not measuring my dick.

You're a really talented guy.

Yes, I am.

Nice robe.

Three tits.

Perkins.

What?

You've been had, my friend.

Six and a quarter inches,

that's slightly above average, I think.

What are you doing for dinner tomorrow night?

I don't know, the Dining Hall, I guess.

How'd you like to come over for some real food?

I'll make my lasagna.

It's better than sex.

Wow, you blushing?

No.

No.

I said it's better than sex, not a prelude to sex.

Wow, you are turning beet red.

Stop, just...

I'm gonna be fine.

Come on, it's a luau in the shower!

Five dollars.

So, it's Darcy, right?

Yeah, Aaron.

I like your shirt.

You have and attract the force at

the same time with your tongue.

English, Aaron.

That is impossible.

Your turn.

I can make my roommate appear.

Greetings .

Who's your little hot house flower?

Is that supposed to be funny?

This is Darcy, Darcy, this is my roommate, William.

Yeah, Bill, pleasure.

Whatever.

Don't be so uptight, sweetheart,

you don't get .

See ya, Aaron.

What is wrong with you?

Darcy!

Look, I'm sorry, he's an idiot.

I'm sorry about that, I know I might seem

like kind of a misogynist idiot but if you get to know me,

I'm actually a pretty all right guy.

We'll cherish these memories for the rest of our lives.

That guy's a fucking neanderthal, he's your friend?

No, he's my roommate, Darcy, big difference.

How can you bare him?

I don't know.

Look, I'm sorry, it just got really worried

girls.

Women, Aaron.

Sorry, women, I think of my mother's friends as women,

there's gotta be some kind of in between term.

He's wrong, you know.

You have everything going for you.

Thanks.

♪ No one is this party's having any fun tonight ♪

♪ And I'd do anything just to make it all right ♪

Okay, it's open book.

Then why are you studying?

Because you still gotta be like...

Don't tell me you have a date.

Well, it turns out that I am above average.

Who's the mystery woman?

Dude, she's hot and old.

And hot.

Jane, you never did tell me about that whole

old chick thing.

Oh, that.

Yeah, I'm resumed ed.

I know, it sounds a lot like presumed dead,

which is not far from the truth.

No, resumed education, it's when people go back to school

after some time away.

So, where'd you go then?

Where'd you go when you went away?

I don't know, I was in the world, pal, living.

It wasn't a foregone conclusion that I'd graduate

high school and go ivy league like I'm sure

it was for some people.

Believe me, I didn't exactly grow up

in Stately Wayne Manor either.

So, why don't you grab a beer or something?

I'm gonna take a quick shower.

♪ No, I can't know myself ♪

Who the fuck are you?

What?

Who the fuck are you?

Um, I'm Aaron.

Aaron, huh?

Aaron here for the big fucking romantic dinner.

It's just lasagna, actually.

Did you say lasagna?

That's a big door buster.

When Linda makes lasagna, she's getting laid.

Why are we having these conversations?

Because your big ass is stuck in the middle

of my god damn kitchen, that's why.

What, are you too good to make conversation with me?

No, I just don't think that it has to be so belligerent.

Belligerent, where did you get that word, Mr. College Boy,

out of a thesaurus?

You know, Linda may go for that real vocabulary bullshit

but I think it's a major turn off.

What are you, what are you, like her daughter?

I'm Beth, her roommate.

Cut it out, you horny bitch.

Okay, if there's a problem, I can just go.

Fine, then fuck off.

Fine, same to you.

That was lame, same to you.

You know what, you talk too much.

I don't even know you and all ready I think

that you talk way too god damn much.

Fuck you, Aaron.

Fuck you with a big stick.

Well, fuck you, Beth, fuck you with the whole

god damn tree.

I see you've met.

You never told me you had a daughter?

Oh, I didn't, I thought I had.

Nope.

No, you didn't.

Yeah, she just started ninth grade.

And that's Cleopatra.

They've met.

Thank you for the wine, Aaron.

They ran out of all the ones with the twist offs?

Beth.

He doesn't give a shit.

Language, Beth.

All right, all right, he doesn't care.

All right, just a taste.

Thank you.

You're not gonna have any?

Linda doesn't partake.

She didn't tell you about that?

That's enough, Beth.

I'm sorry, sorry, I...

I didn't think, I didn't know, I'm sorry.

Aaron, you're doing that polite thing.

I love wine at my table just not in my glass.

I don't know, sometimes I feel like I don't

really belong there.

No, come on, you're perfect, you're standout.

Why, because she's old?

Oh, thank you, Beth.

No, I mean, look at her, okay,

Linda makes these other college girls look

like they're in a bad school play.

She's got this confidence, she's got this vitality.

Do you always talk like an old man?

Confidence, vitality, what do you mean, she's hot?

Forgive her, she's inherited my mouth.

And your .

What the hell does that mean?

He's saying that you're hot.

Are you actually blushing?

No.

He does that.

Stop it.

Come on, dance with me.

Nope, nope.

I don't dance.

I thought you'd never ask.

Come on.

You have to.

I should've brought sangria.

Aye, aye, aye.

Come here.

Come here.

Who's the lump on the couch?

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh, yeah.

Don't tell me you're missing this?

Cut the crap, I know you're awake.

Oh yeah, just like that.

Can you believe these two?

They do this often?

Oh yeah, we get complaints from the neighbors.

I should probably go.

Oh, you're no fun.

Cut it out.

Who was that?

Sleep tight, asshole.

♪ Cherries and snow ♪

Glad you can join us.

God, you look exhausted.

You have no idea.

You just need some home cooking and a soft bed.

What are you doing?

I'm giving him a run for his money.

No, no, no, don't do that, don't do that.

We'll go to jail, don't do that.

Do you have any idea how fast you were going?

Um, obviously not fast enough, gorgeous.

Sir, she didn't--

I oughta haul your ass into jail.

Or if you'd rather, you can just take it out

on me back at my apartment.

So, that's the guy, huh?

Geez, I don't know, looks like a kid to me.

God, you've got no manners.

Aaron, right?

I'm Wes.

Hi.

Oh, I've got some great clams for the sauce,

got them in the car.

What the hell was that, what was that?

Shalom.

Okay, try it.

Oh my god, amazing.

So, you're, you're with the police?

Was it the squad car of the uniform that gave it away?

Ah, earth to Wes, he's making conversation.

Fine, I'm making it back.

So, tell me, what the kids make at her at school?

What, you think she was a teacher or something?

No, you know, I thought much ever one way or the other,

I mean, our classes are pretty diverse.

Really, so, you have anybody down there

that looks like me?

Hell no, they don't take palookas or jar heads.

Oh, careful, honey, you might hurt my feelings.

Oh, as if he has any.

Whatever you do, don't let her treat you

like one of her girlfriends, all right.

Aaron, listen to me, don't let her get away with that shit.

The minute she starts talking about guys who she'd do,

she wouldn't, just put your foot down, buddy.

You're not her girlfriend.

Reach for the sky, motherfucker!

Beth!

Do it or I'll take your head off!

You know, she won't stop with this shit.

I've had it up to fucking here!

Hey, watch your language!

Your daughter's got a gun to my head

and I gotta watch my language, great.

Why don't you give me the gun?

What are you gonna do with it?

I'm gonna rob a bank.

I don't know, just...

That I'd like to see.

You know what.

Give me that, thank you.

By the way, Wes, this time I put bullets in it.

Really?

Don't you dare!

Wes, god damn it!

What!

What are you--

She keeps this shit up, she's gonna end up in jail.

Huh, is that what you want?

Beth, take Aaron, go get some eclairs.

And some cigarettes.

How old are you again?

Like 13, 14?

Older than you by a long shot.

Right, how do you figure that?

I've been living in dog years.

Woof.

Hey, Ray Ray, what's up?

Hey, Beth, not much.

Oh, this is my cousin, Wen,

the one I told you about with the drug problem.

My uncle makes him wear this preppy shit,

figures it will straighten him out.

That sucks.

Fight the good fight, man.

Yeah, you know, take it one day at a time.

Hey, Ray Ray, can I get a pack of Cloves and

some eclairs, like five or six pieces.

Sure.

So, when we gonna get together?

Party sometime, you know?

You know you're too old for me.

So, what, your cousin Wen?

Just trying to keep it light.

Hey, I got you some presents.

You stole from him?

You're cherry, aren't you?

What?

Cherry .

No, I'm not Cherry.

Don't be embarrassed, I think it's cute.

You're not like the rest of the wolves.

Limit, somehow--

You don't have to set limits in my house.

No, I don't have to set limits.

NO, you don't.

I'm trying to tell you.

I don't wanna lose her.

This could go on for a while.

Looks like you're stuck with me.

I don't mind.

You...

You live here?

Yeah, wouldn't you?

Snagged it the minute we moved here.

What are you drawing?

You.

God, stop looking at me like that.

You're freaking me out.

Can I see it?

Just find it when you get to that page.

Come in.

Hey.

I'm gonna go to bed.

Oh, come sit down, talk to me.

I won't bite.

So, I was just thinking about Wes.

Oh, don't let him bother you.

He doesn't believe men and women can be friends.

Hell, there can even be an attraction,

it's not that big of a deal but Wes doesn't understand that.

Right, uh, is there?

Like, an attraction?

You and me?

Well, you're attractive in a way that Wes could never be.

You're sexy between the ears.

Is that a compliment or like...

That is like the worst thing you could ever say to me.

It is definitely a compliment.

So, what about me, you find me attractive?

Uh, yeah, I thought that was kind of obvious.

Well, I don't know, I mean, I think I'm doing all right

but to a 17 year old, I might look like Queen Elizabeth.

No, I don't think that's a problem, trust me.

NO, I do, I trust you, Aaron.

I don't make it a habit of inviting

young men into my bedroom.

This isn't the scholarship program.

Wait, because that's not what they told me at admissions.

Oh.

You should stop, Aaron, before this gets serious.

We should stop.

We should stop.

Aaron, what am I doing?

I'm so bad, I don't wanna ruin this,

so go, okay, that's an order.

Okay.

Goodnight.

Aaron, are you getting my messages?

I haven't heard from you.

I spoke with your advisor, Professor Danocky,

he said you've been missing some classes.

Okay, this isn't like you, I'm getting worried.

I need to hear from you immediately.

Is someone there?

Hello?

Aaron.

You can do this, Aaron.

Yes, I know, I just, I have to think.

There's no discussion.

You can either put it on the board or you can't.

That's the beauty of what we do.

Then I'm sorry because I can't do it like this,

I have to visualize it first.

I'm afraid you can't leave until it's up on the board.

The equation doesn't work,

your water walker will not work.

We design it in the classroom and

we execute it in the laboratory.

It's very simple and you're running out of time.

Hey, Perkins.

Hey, Perkins.

Wake up.

Ah!

Library's closing.

Wanna have a coffee?

Cheers.

Cheers.

So listen, it's none of my business and, you know,

feel free to tell me as much but I hear you're

involved with a married woman.

Really?

You heard that?

Actually married woman with kids.

I've heard one of them was yours but

I pretty much ignored that.

Wow, I didn't even think that many people knew who I was.

Yeah, it's all over Perkins.

Apparently, prominently and

smother rumors about you.

Um, well, I'm flattered.

Obviously you're reluctant to tell me,

which is understandable seeing as--

No, no, it's not, it's not true.

What's not true?

The whole married woman thing, it's not true.

She has one kid, it's not mine,

I took a paternity test.

That's a relief.

So, you sleep there?

Yeah, it's easier,

she just gives me a ride back in the morning.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

But where do you sleep?

Aaron!

Hey, who you got in there, the MILF queen?

Fuck you!

Respect the scarf.

Could you hurry up, I need the room!

I don't believe in hair removal, I think it's insidious.

That's okay.

I wasn't looking for your approval.

I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?

Aaron, have you ever been with a natural woman before?

I'm not really sure I know what that means.

I don't expect you to pluck your body

and I would hope that you're enlightened enough

not to expect that of me.

I haven't thought about it.

You can't handle it, can you?

What are you talking about, I just...

What?

I just, I don't know, I think maybe we're just,

I think maybe we're talking too much.

Know what, Aaron, this barbie doll walks, talks,

farts, and has hair under her arms,

and if you don't like it,

maybe you should've gone for the other model!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Darcy.

Please, please, please.

You gotta wait, please, Darcy, come on, please!

Shit!

Whoa.

Man, we really need to get you some boxers.

Come on, what are you doing here?

Okay, okay.

So, I came here because...

Okay, this is throwing me off, Aaron.

Okay, god, just what is it?

Don't bullshit me, Aaron, are you screwing her?

What, who?

Linda, shithead, are you doing Linda?

Why's this .

You, you can't just show up here!

Because I love you.

No, no, you do not love me.

Yes, I do.

How do you know?

You have this effect on me.

Every time you walk into the room I get this,

like the hair on my arms and my neck, it stands up.

It's like a charge.

A charge?

Within my stomach.

It turns over on itself and I have to...

This is kind of embarrassing, go to the bathroom.

So, I'm a human laxative.

Pretty much.

And that's love.

I don't know what else to call it.

Then, you know what, why don't you get some cling free

and some Pepto-Bismol and I'm sure that

you'll be just fine.

I knew you'd make fun of it.

I don't wanna hurt your feelings but you're 14,

I am not going out with a 14 year old.

Fine, fine, so don't go out with me!

Aaron, just...

Just sleep with me.

No, Jesus Christ, no!

Beth, no!

Seriously, Aaron, I want you to be my first.

Stop!

I want you to be my first!

Stop!

Milton, what are you doing?

Go away!

Why, why, why?

Because you're the only one who gets me.

What the hell?

No, no, no, no!

No, this is, this is not what it looks like.

Really, because it looks like three to five

with community service.

Hi, I'm Beth.

The daughter.

You know what, Beth, zip up your shirt.

So, what's your name?

Wild Bill.

Wild, really?

Okay, you know what, zip up your shirt.

And you, give me your keys.

What are you talking about?

Just give me your keys!

Your roommate's kind of cute.

Shut up.

Hey, beautiful.

Wanna know how the blue member

contains serious bonage.

Excuse me.

This is Susan Milton, I would like to speak to my son.

Um, I'm...

Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a friend.

I would like to speak to him now.

He is not in the room at present.

So, I could take a message.

Yes, it's for you, if I don't hear from my son

within 24 hours, I am holding you personally responsible.

Okay, got it, and consider it, consider it done.

I will talk to you later, bye.

No.

No!

Don't you ever give it a rest?

Come on, man, respect the scarf, okay,

your words, not mine.

Yeah.

Here you go, fuck the scarf, my words again.

You really shouldn't do that.

Whoa, whoa, okay.

Way to go, Milton.

You okay, buddy?

No.

No, no, I'm not.

Use me as a resource, Aaron, all right.

I know a lot about this shit.

No, you don't, okay, because this isn't about fucking.

All right, as stupid as this may sound,

I might actually be in love.

Dude, she's in junior high.

It's not her, okay, it's her mom.

Finally, an education worth having.

She could be like the ivy league of sexual knowledge.

Yale.

Okay, is she into you?

Yes.

No.

I, I don't know.

It's just, it's complicated, she's involved.

Involved?

With a cop.

Oh, you are in way over your head, my friend.

Not much better, I'm afraid.

Oh, very good, Mr...

Aaron, Aaron Milton.

Well, Mr. Milton, you're writing style could use

a little tune up but your ideas are very good.

Thank you.

I am troubled by one thing.

Yes?

You're not enrolled in my class.

Just be honest, what was wrong with my paper?

Honestly, your analysis lacked depth, nuance.

Tell me this, what do you like about Greek tragedy?

I love the women, they're ball busters,

powerful and principled, intense.

Fuck with one of these babes and she will rip your heart

out and feed it to your friends.

But if you treat her right, she will line up the planets,

the gods, heaven and earth, she'll change your life.

You're passionate, I get that.

I'm afraid it's just not good enough, not at this school.

Just give me another chance.

Trust me, I've seen this played out again and again.

You're not going to be able to compete.

You don't, you don't even know me.

Oh, I do, I get one like you every semester.

You know what?

Fuck you.

I don't know, maybe just some people just don't belong at

a god damn ivy league school.

Come on, who said that, some stupid professor

with a column shoved up his ass?

Yeah, that's the one.

You can't let him get to you like this.

It's not just him, it's me.

It's like I thought things were gonna be different here,

different from any other place I've been but

it's the same story, it's just smarter assholes.

Look, I'll help you.

Whatever it takes.

You're sweet.

Look, Beth, just about the other night.

I don't wanna talk about it.

Why'd you even come down here?

Why don't you and your cuz come upstairs to my place?

I got some friends coming by, it's gonna be so much fun.

I can't, I have homework.

Shit, bring it with, I'll help you out.

What, you'll be my tutor?

Something like that.

What do you say, little man?

It's not up to me.

Maybe another time.

Thanks for the extra topping.

Anytime.

Why do you put me in this position?

It's not a fucking felony, officer,

it's just a little weed.

Right, and your mother knows?

It's none of her god damn business.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here,

but I don't think a 14 year old should be smoking dope.

Or wielding guns, or having sex for that matter.

Oh, but cleaning up mom when she's fucking soiled herself,

I guess that's okay.

What are you talking about?

Bathing her, patching up her broken lip or

putting her to sleep on her side so

she doesn't choke on her vomit when I was what,

six, seven years old.

Can you light me up?

Getting a better picture of the good old days, huh?

Before we moved up here,

before Linda became an honor student.

Sorry, I didn't know.

You don't know Linda, it's not pretty.

What about your grandmother over in Jacksonville,

can't you just go stay with her?

Uh, you mean, Iota Controlla.

Now she's a piece of work, no thanks.

We're never gonna go back there, ever.

So, you want a hit?

No.

Figures.

♪ Say a prayer in the shadows ♪

♪ Put your lonely hand in mine ♪

♪ We can chase away the rainy days ♪

Oh, we interrupting something?

You guys getting nasty on the couch?

Actually, .

Wes, will you just...

It's okay.

You're getting warmer.

Holy shit.

What!

What the hell!

I'm marrying your mom is what the hell.

Wes, we said maybe.

I know.

You've gotta be shitting me!

Is that the best you can do, Beth?

Ask her.

That the best you can do, Linda?

That's horse shit.

Wait, where are you going?

No, no, we talked about this, I'm gonna handle this.

Relax.

What the hell are you doing?

You can't just come up here!

Tone it down, Beth, bring it down.

Oh, is that some police negotiation crap?

You learn that in class?

Bring it down, Beth, just bring it down.

All right, don't do this to your mother.

You will never tell me what to do,

now get the fuck out of my room!

This is what you want?

I don't know, I haven't even said yes yet.

Look, he insisted.

You know, he said I should see how it feels.

And?

Honestly, it's cutting off my circulation.

You will never be family!

Go fuck yourself!

Know what, shut up yourself or I'm gonna wipe

that little smirk off your face.

What are you so afraid of, Linda might hear something?

Stop!

Get away from me, you asshole,

or I will poke your fucking eyes out!

Oh, that's good, that's funny.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, stop.

Get off of me, get off of me!

Get off of me!

Wes!

Wes, leave her alone!

This little bitch has been baiting me long enough.

Hey, take your hands off her!

Oh, come on, are you kidding me?

NO, no, let's stop.

Stop it!

Get off of me!

Oh, oh god, Linda.

Get out of my house.

Baby, you know I didn't mean that.

Now!

Thanks for driving me home.

The funny thing is, I never even wanted to get married.

Who needs it?

So, are you gonna see him again?

What do you think?

Pull over!

I don't believe it.

Shit.

The hell with him.

I'm not stopping, asshole!

Pull over right now!

Linda, slow down!

I will arrest you, pull over!

OH, you will?

What are you doing?

Hi.

Tell me he's okay, is he okay?

Are you serious, how could you give a shit about him?

Not Wes, the dog.

Mom, look at you, and you're worried about a stupid dog.

He took off, Linda, he's fine.

♪ How many more mistakes will I make before I find ♪

♪ A little peace ♪

♪ How many hits must I take before ♪

Are you okay?

It's all my fault.

No, it's not.

No, it's not.

No, no, this is...

I can't, I'm sorry.

DOn't, don't leave me.

You stay with her, don't you?

Just stay with me, please.

♪ So don't take my long lasting love for granted ♪

♪ I can only give what I have ♪

♪ You only what you make for yourself ♪

♪ And I am doing what I can, yeah ♪

♪ I'm doing what I can ♪

♪ So, don't take my ♪

♪ Long lasting love for granted ♪

♪ I can only give what I have ♪

Structurally sound.

Wait, wait, don't tell me.

You're supposed to be strider man.

Um, I know it looks a little strange.

No, no stranger than this.

Look Aaron, this is a brilliant depiction

of lever escapement.

Macabre, but brilliant.

So, how does someone with this much vision

blow all these equations?

You got into this program because you're gifted.

Did I make a huge mistake?

I don't think he'd want you doing that.

Is that where you make all your charming phone calls?

What's going on here?

Sorry dude, I tried to stop them.

How did it happen?

Was she drunk, on drugs?

It was an accident.

All right, it wasn't anybody's fault.

I would like to know what a 17 year old boy

is doing in a car with some woman in her 30's.

That woman, she's my friend!

She's your friend?

Yeah.

Oh, Aaron, if that's what you wanna believe.

Dad, look, she's a student.

She's been a huge help to me.

If you would meet her!

All you gotta do is meet, you just gotta meet her!

I am not paying for this!

I have worked my butt off to get into this school

and now that I'm here, what are you gonna do?

You're just gonna yank me out?

Why, because I'm friends with a woman and...

That is insane.

It wouldn't hurt to meet her.

Are they here yet?

No, not yet.

What do you call this again?

It's curry.

Haven't you ever had curry before?

Yes, I've used it, not to this effect.

It's very festive.

It's Indian, India Indian.

I know, sweetheart, I recognize it's not maize

and .

Well, I think it's delicious, Linda.

So, tell me, Linda, how did you and my son meet?

We are in an art class together.

Don't you find that a bit impractical?

I mean, we all have our hobbies.

Maybe in my case but when someone is as talented

as your son here, it couldn't be more valuable.

What's so great about engineering anyway?

You get to ride in a caboose?

You don't really think that's what they do?

I know what they do, Susan, it's just,

I mean, the guy's an awesome artist.

You should give him a chance, he could be the next Picasso.

Oh, well, there aren't many Picasso's and

the rest starve.

And I want more for my son.

You know, your friend Linda is a

handsome woman.

What you mean, she's hot?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so too.

Really banged yourself up, didn't you?

Well, I whole lot better now.

How many accidents like this had there been in your life?

Uh, excuse me?

A lot, I'd guess.

Yeah, I'm gonna take the dessert out.

He doesn't know a damn thing, that boy out there.

I bet you make him feel special, huh?

Like a real Casanova.

I see right through you.

I'd imagine grown men would too,

it must be easier to pick on children.

Okay, that's enough.

You're a mother, let me ask you mother to mother.

If you saw your child about to jump off a cliff,

wouldn't you do anything you could to stop it?

Let me help you.

It's war.

Let's see, who wants to dance?

With your neck and your arm,

that's probably not such a good idea.

Phil, you look like a samba man.

You go, pops.

Yeah.

I can see you're enjoying this.

Not doing it.

Your loss!

What's going on, huh?

What the hell.

Please tell me this isn't happening.

Who is that guy?

Is she seeing him?

What guy?

The old guy she's dancing with, I'll kick his ass.

That's my dad.

Yeah, look, it's, it's a long story.

What do you want?

I want to make it up to her.

I still wanna marry her.

Well, I wouldn't book a church right away.

Look, you should probably go, okay?

I'll tell her that you were asking about her.

Just a minute.

Thank you, sweetie.

Would someone tell me what just happened?

Your son just told a cop to go fuck himself.

Okay, that is it, Aaron, Phil, we are leaving.

But we're having a good time.

Does it look like I'm having a good time?

Don't make me ask you again!

You get out of my son's way or so help me,

injured or not, I will rip you to shreds.

Why don't you ask him what he wants?

I don't care what he wants, I know what he needs!

Oh no, let me show you what he needs.

Phil.

Go home, Susan.

Your son is sweet and sexy, and talented as hell,

and as soon as you get out of his way,

he's gonna be un-fucking stoppable.

And let me tell you something else,

Phil here is a little dish.

His lights on and he'll rise to the equation

if you act like you have blood in your veins

and not antifreeze.

Susan, for god's sake, what are you...

So long, Susan, that's what they say in India

when they want you to go home.

Get your coat.

No, I'm staying.

You are coming home with your family.

To tell you the truth, they're more like family.

Whatever family's supposed to be like than you are.

And is your new family gonna pay for your tuition,

and your rent, and your food?

Would you say something to your son?

Stay here.

I would.

You ass.

What's happened to you?

I don't know you anymore.

You're right, you don't.

Salome, mom.

Sorry we totally screwed up your life.

You're in love with her, aren't you?

God, I knew it.

Beth, my mom just drove off with everything that I own.

I'm not exactly on a romance wavelength right now.

You kissed back, you think I'm blind?

It was nothing.

You know, I actually kind of feel sorry for your mom.

Why?

Because you chose someone like my mother over her.

That's gotta burn pretty bad.

There he is.

Come here.

Wes.

Wes.

Wes.

Aaron?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, I was dreaming.

Me, too.

Well...

Just go with it.

Hey, hey, hang on, are you sure?

Yes, oh my god.

Oh god.

Oh my god.

Shh.

Oh god.

Oh, yes.

What, what are you worried about?

Shh, please, please be quiet.

Oh my god.

Oh god, Wes.

Wes, I'm Aaron, what are you talking about?

Whatever.

What do you mean whatever?

What's your problem?

Who are you in bed with?

Damn it.

Oh my god, what do we do?

Can you do me favor and not make a big deal out of this?

All right, we're friends who fucked and it was lousy.

All right, oops.

Come on.

I didn't mean that like that, it came out wrong.

Aaron.

Stop.

Did you ever make love to somebody instead of fuck them?

I mean, if you wanna sugar coat it,

yeah, I've made love.

How'd that feel?

An awful lot like fucking.

Don't come back!

I mean it, just go away and don't come back ever,

just fucking evaporate!

Cut it out, Beth.

So, you had your fun,

now just go before it gets too ugly!

Look, you don't know anything about it.

I know Linda's been sucking down pain meds all week

like it's Halloween candy.

I know she's on her way down, I've seen it before.

You don't know shit.

Look, she's just in pain.

Okay, she'll be fine in a couple weeks, I promise.

Don't make promises, people are shitty with promises.

In fact, people are just shitty.

I'm coming in, Bill.

Jesus, are you kidding?

How about fuck that man, look, I'm tired, let me in!

No, I am not dealing with this.

I didn't mean to, okay.

We were just, we were talking.

God, will you please shut up.

We were talking about you, okay?

That's the only reason she even hung out with me.

It's like one of those transference deals.

Right, so I'm having sex with somebody

who's thinking of somebody else,

while you are having sex with somebody who's thinking of me.

That is so fucked!

Oh, oh, wild man.

You tell me you finally got laid?

Was it mom?

I didn't mean your mom.

Oh shit, how did that go?

Why don't you take a big fat guess.

I have no clothes, I have no friends,

I have no family, and by 10:00 am tomorrow,

I have to provide mathematical evidence that

I can walk on water.

And if I screw that up then no scholarship

and I no school.

All right, you need to get .

I'm sick and tired of everybody telling me what to do.

From now on, I'm gonna do what I wanna do.

As soon as I figure out what that is.

Well, it's up on the board, that's for sure.

Is this a joke to you, Aaron?

These are the numbers you're looking for.

Mmm, not exactly.

Just because you give me strider,

I'm assuming this is me.

Just because you give me strider legs doesn't

mean I can move at their velocity.

They beat gravity because they move at speeds

at over 100 body lengths per second.

So, someone of my size would...

Have to move at over 400 miles per hour.

Unless you can move that quickly.

Can you, Aaron?

There is still hope.

You could lose 140 pounds.

How much do you weight?

145.

How much?

145.

You do have 24 hours until the competition.

Class dismissed, we'll see you tomorrow at the pool,

9:00 am.

Hey Aaron, is Beth there with you?

Let me know if she is, okay?

I need to know if that's where she went.

Okay, okay, look, she must have said something

to give you a clue.

Yeah, she packed her bags and

she told me not to bother looking for her.

What the hell you doing here?

Like this!

What the hell else am I supposed to do?

You call the police, you call the hospital.

I don't know, you act like you give a shit.

No, Beth is much stronger than me.

I mean, she's gonna be fine.

Fine, fine, Beth...

She is 14!

She's 14 years old!

Okay, has it ever occurred to you that she might

actually be in trouble?

That you might actually never see her again!

God, what you're doing, it's, it's pathetic.

Hey, where's Ray Ray.

It's his night off.

Shit man, he's gonna hook me up with some eclairs.

You know, the special topping.

He's up there, man.

Yo, can we help you?

Nah, seriously, who the fuck are you?

Beth!

Where do you think you're going, huh?

Come here, little man.

Looks like your nanny's here.

You know how old she is?

She knows exactly what she's doing.

She's 14, man, she's half your age.

And you're half my size.

But that's not gonna stop me from fucking you up,

you little college prick.

Well, luckily size isn't the only dynamic in play here.

Are you aware of the lever fulcrum principle?

What the fuck?

You're full of surprises, little cuz.

Stop!

Get off of him!

Get rid of him!

Aaron!

Beth!

Have a nice night, man.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

What exactly about fuck off didn't you understand?

I'm trying to...

That's right, flex.

Oh, fuck me.

Take a hike or go to jail.

You're so fucking dead, man.

Whoa, whoa, what the fuck is this?

Stand over there, put your hands above your head

until the girl's out.

Let's go.

You heard what batman said, get the fuck out of my room.

Don't ever talk to her again, do you understand?

See you later, Beth.

You know what, makes sure she's .

Come here.

What, it's not like it's your daughter or anything.

You know those balloons you got for Linda?

The get well bullshit.

Sometimes I wonder if I got enough of those,

I wonder if I could just fly away.

Well, come on, you're the engineer, could it work?

Yeah, maybe.

Beth, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, baby.

Oh god, who died?

Hey, mom, it's me.

Where are you?

What happened, are you okay?

I'm good, I'm surprisingly good.

What time is it?

It's like, I'm just calling

to let you know that I'm okay.

That's it, that's why you called?

Look, let's face it, you can be a pretty big

pain in the ass, okay.

But I know that you mean well and

I know that you've done a lot for me.

So, this is just me kind of saying thank you.

I wanted to call you.

I know.

That's why I called you first.

Goodnight, mom.

Goodnight.

Oho, big day, are we ready guys?

Looks like it.

Milton, has anyone seen Aaron Milton?

Nobody.

Okay.

All right, let's get them in the water.

No more prepping, it's show time.

On your places.

Engineers, are you ready?

Let me see you walk on water!

Who's that over there?

You can do this.

Well, Aaron, you pulled it off, I'll give you that.

Although I'm not exactly sure this is

in the spirit of the assignment.

Well, the diet wasn't going so well.

Yay, Aaron!

They didn't tell you?

What is going on?

Uh, I was gonna call but you had your engineering

competition, I didn't wanna disturb you.

I know, why, why, why would we wanna do that?

You know, now that I'm officially not disturbed,

will you please tell me why everything you own is in a box?

You were right.

It's time for me to be a better mother.

I didn't mean that you had to leave.

Yeah, well, I'm taking Beth to Jacksonville.

We're gonna move in with my mother.

So, then what?

What, what are you gonna do?

You're just gonna run from place to place, is that it?

I don't know.

But I gotta do something for Beth.

You know, I don't trust myself right now.

I don't have any backup here.

I'm here.

I know and you're great, but Aaron,

you can't take us on, you're 17 years old.

This is a time for you to make mistakes not clean up mine.

Did you bring me my favorite food?

God, you're good to me.

You know, you stood up for us and I love you for it.

Please go talk to Beth.

She needs to know it's okay to leave.

I'm supposed to be brave and let you go, how do I do that?

Don't worry because I have a plan.

I was thinking about it all night while we were packing.

All I have to do is make it for a few years until I'm 18.

By that point, you'll be an old guy in your 20's.

You'll be this, this hot artist in New York surrounded

by groupies and bullshitters.

But somehow, that won't seem like enough.

That's when I'll show up.

And you'll know exactly why there's

been a hole in your life.

I really don't want you guys to leave.

Just promise me you won't forget me.

Thought people were shitty with promises.

Other people, not us.

Promise.

Admit it, this is what you wanted the whole time.

Hey, Perkins.

You know, you lead a very interesting life?

Yeah, I'm starting to realize that.

Oh, and I'm onto your little cherry trick.

You tie the knot before it even goes in your mouth, right?

You know, your engineering classes are

really starting to pay off.

Maybe.

I'll have to get back to you on that.

I'm Aaron Milton, I come from a long line of engineers.

We're good at figuring out how things work.

Some of the time.

♪ When we will learn that making mistakes ♪

♪ Is just apart of life ♪

♪ And that crying is knowing ♪

♪ Everything will be all right ♪

♪ And when we learn that sooner or later ♪

♪ None of us will be around ♪

♪ We are ♪

♪ It's nothing to ♪

♪ Move out the door ♪

♪ Move out the way ♪

♪ Listen up, people, I've got something to say ♪

♪ Pack up your bags, collect all your gear ♪

♪ Dark around the corner's always something to fear ♪

♪ And when will we learn that making mistakes ♪

♪ Is just apart of life ♪

♪ And that crying is knowing ♪

♪ Everything will be all right ♪

♪ Life is and we are ♪

♪ So ♪

♪ Move out the door, move out the way ♪

♪ Listen up, people, I've got something to say ♪

♪ Pack up your bags, collect all your gear ♪

♪ The dark around the corner always something to fear ♪

♪ Well, there's cherries to the left ♪

♪ And cherries to the right ♪

♪ Too many cherries to fly away ♪

♪ But too many cherries to fight ♪

♪ And there are cherries to the north ♪

♪ And cherries to the south ♪

♪ There's too much cherry jelly in my belly ♪

♪ Too many dropkicks ♪

♪ Well, I finally have something to sing ♪

♪ I knew had something to sing ♪

♪ I wish I had something to sing ♪

♪ Cherry brain ♪

♪ Well, I've got cherries on my mind ♪

♪ And cherries in my mind ♪

♪ I thought I was safe in my bedroom ♪

♪ But the cherries ♪

♪ They sleep with me in my bed ♪

♪ They sleep with me in my head ♪

♪ I'll never be free of the cherry brain ♪

♪ Until I'm cold and dead ♪

♪ Well, I, I thought I had something to sing ♪

♪ I knew had something to sing ♪

♪ I wish I had something to sing ♪

♪ Cherry brain ♪

♪ Well, I'll have to learn with the cherry ♪

♪ Just like the cherry learned to live with me ♪

♪ It'll just be me and my buddy cherry ♪

♪ On top of the cherry tree ♪

♪ And together we'll live happy ever after ♪

♪ We'll be just like man and wife ♪

♪ We'll be bound in sickness and in health ♪

♪ For the rest of my god damn life ♪

♪ I thought I had something to sing ♪

♪ I knew I had something to sing ♪

♪ I wish I had something to sing ♪

♪ Cherry brain ♪