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The following programme
contains strong language,
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violence and adult humour,
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from the start.
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♪ There was an old lady
# who swallowed a fly.
5
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♪ I don't know why she
# swallowed a fly...
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♪ Perhaps she'll die.
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♪ There was an old lady who
swallowed a spider,
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♪ that wriggled and jiggled
#and tickled inside her...
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♪ She...
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♪ ..swallowed the spider
# to catch the fly...
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♪ I don't know why
# she swallowed a fly. ♪
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00:00:30,581 --> 00:00:32,461
♪ Perhaps she'll die... ♪
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♪ Chewin' out a rhythm
# on my bubblegum
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♪ The sun is out and I want some
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♪ It's not hard, not far to reach ♪
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Woah, woah!
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Come on, let's have you.
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Why's he got a boat?
I have NO idea why he's got a boat.
19
00:00:51,541 --> 00:00:52,741
That's the thing with Chinese Dan.
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You never know what he's got lying
around. Come on! Check this out.
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A great thick idiot
22
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,861
will magically appear at the door.
23
00:00:59,301 --> 00:01:00,661
Hello.
Y'alright Calvin?
24
00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:02,861
I got some gear for Chinese Dan
there in van...
25
00:01:02,901 --> 00:01:04,021
Your mate not with you?
26
00:01:04,061 --> 00:01:05,701
Small one, flamboyant shirt?
27
00:01:05,741 --> 00:01:07,061
Well do you see him, Calvin?
28
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,141
No, so he's not here?
29
00:01:09,181 --> 00:01:10,381
He's not here. No, he's not...
30
00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:12,181
He's not here.
Tell him to go and get Chinese Dan.
31
00:01:12,221 --> 00:01:14,301
Get Chinese Dan.
Go and get Chinese Dan!
32
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:15,701
Wait there.
Oh we'll wait there.
33
00:01:15,741 --> 00:01:17,741
This isn't even bloody...
locked, dude.
34
00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,141
Bloody hell fire.
35
00:01:21,221 --> 00:01:23,141
Dear, dear...
Never mind dear, dear!
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00:01:23,181 --> 00:01:24,621
Them's some good treads them, Dan.
37
00:01:24,661 --> 00:01:25,941
Jesus Christ...
38
00:01:25,981 --> 00:01:27,101
He's not Chinese.
39
00:01:27,141 --> 00:01:28,461
No. It's- It's a nickname.
40
00:01:28,501 --> 00:01:29,901
Are these knock off?
41
00:01:29,941 --> 00:01:31,261
Yeah, ish...
42
00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:32,741
What's with the boat, man?
43
00:01:32,781 --> 00:01:34,621
What? You want it?
Can't shift the bloody thing!
44
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:35,661
I'm sick of the sight on it.
45
00:01:35,701 --> 00:01:37,141
I've no use for a boat have I Dan?
46
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,381
What did you bring it up for then?!
47
00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:39,581
'Cause I was bloody curious!
48
00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:42,581
Curious?! Does it look like
I've got time for curious?!
49
00:01:42,621 --> 00:01:44,501
I don't buy stolen goods, Vinnie.
50
00:01:44,541 --> 00:01:46,061
Never. I'm an honest businessman.
51
00:01:46,101 --> 00:01:47,901
That's just complete bollocks.
But...
52
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,221
..as a favour to you...
53
00:01:50,701 --> 00:01:52,421
I'll take them off your hands
for half price.
54
00:01:52,461 --> 00:01:54,461
Half normal price... You penis!
55
00:01:54,501 --> 00:01:55,781
Listen to him.
Tell him he's a penis.
56
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He is bloody...
57
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..screwing me ain't he!
58
00:01:58,341 --> 00:01:59,781
You're a penis
and you're screwing him.
59
00:01:59,821 --> 00:02:01,501
A penis? That hurts!
60
00:02:01,541 --> 00:02:02,821
You're screwing him double time.
61
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:03,861
What's going on love?
62
00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:06,101
It's me mum, Vinnie!
63
00:02:06,141 --> 00:02:08,301
She's gone!
64
00:02:08,341 --> 00:02:09,381
She's dead Vinnie...
65
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Oh... Shit! Shit! Oi, oi!
How come you're calling me a penis?
66
00:02:11,741 --> 00:02:13,261
Go and get in that bloody van.
Get in the van.
67
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,261
Do your fly up!
Your shirt's sticking out of it.
68
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,701
Make sure you bring your mate
next time.
69
00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:18,221
I will do. Sod off, Calvin!
70
00:02:31,181 --> 00:02:32,381
Who is he?
71
00:02:32,421 --> 00:02:33,981
He's me mate,
he sounds like Orville.
72
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,501
Who's Orville?
73
00:02:35,541 --> 00:02:37,781
Green duck, wore a nappy,
sat on an old bloke's knee.
74
00:02:37,821 --> 00:02:39,341
And when I was your age,
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00:02:39,381 --> 00:02:41,821
weirdly, that were entertainment.
76
00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:43,901
Giddy, come on love!
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00:02:43,941 --> 00:02:46,101
Oh Vinnie, I've run out of tea bags.
78
00:02:46,141 --> 00:02:47,301
And Mum always said to...
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00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:48,861
..make a pot of tea...
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
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00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:51,101
It's alright, we'll get you some.
81
00:02:51,141 --> 00:02:52,141
We'll get you some tea bags.
82
00:02:52,181 --> 00:02:53,181
Listen to me.
She's gone.
83
00:02:53,221 --> 00:02:54,981
Oi. When did she pass away?
84
00:02:55,021 --> 00:02:57,101
Um... About five minutes ago.
85
00:02:57,141 --> 00:02:58,141
Christ...
86
00:02:58,181 --> 00:02:59,381
I rang you straight away.
87
00:02:59,421 --> 00:03:00,821
Is she, uh...?
Yeah.
88
00:03:00,861 --> 00:03:02,101
Still up there? Yeah, alright...
89
00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:04,421
Oh! Your friend's very little.
90
00:03:05,301 --> 00:03:06,701
Well, he's 7 in't he?!
Oh.
91
00:03:06,741 --> 00:03:08,061
He's a child.
92
00:03:08,101 --> 00:03:10,101
Oh, I thought he was just small.
93
00:03:10,141 --> 00:03:11,621
My cousin O'Sheen's that size
94
00:03:11,661 --> 00:03:12,981
and he's 42.
95
00:03:13,021 --> 00:03:14,741
It's a genetic disorder.
96
00:03:14,781 --> 00:03:16,501
Something to do with
the soil composition
97
00:03:16,541 --> 00:03:17,901
in the West of Ireland.
98
00:03:17,941 --> 00:03:20,221
Christ... Do you want to come
and see the creepy house?
99
00:03:20,261 --> 00:03:21,741
Yeah.
Get in there!
100
00:03:21,781 --> 00:03:22,981
Who are all these?
101
00:03:23,021 --> 00:03:24,861
These are dead folks,
all these, love.
102
00:03:24,901 --> 00:03:25,901
Really?
Yeah.
103
00:03:25,941 --> 00:03:27,101
Even him?
Ooh. He's new!
104
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,301
Giddy, sweetheart.
105
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,341
Who's that?
Oh yeah, em...
106
00:03:30,381 --> 00:03:32,861
He got his foot infected
on holiday in Beaverlick.
107
00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:33,901
Beaverlick?!
108
00:03:33,941 --> 00:03:35,061
Yeah, it's, um...
109
00:03:35,101 --> 00:03:36,981
..where they make the chicken.
What's it called?
110
00:03:37,021 --> 00:03:38,021
Eh... Kentucky.
111
00:03:38,061 --> 00:03:39,501
Gor, that's not a thing dude.
112
00:03:39,541 --> 00:03:40,861
Not even slightly.
113
00:03:40,901 --> 00:03:43,141
Tyler?
Yeah?
114
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,461
What do you want to do?
Do you wanna stay here...
115
00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:47,781
..or do you want to check out
Gideon's dead mum?
116
00:03:47,821 --> 00:03:49,021
Will she look asleep?
117
00:03:49,061 --> 00:03:50,781
Oh yes, she's still warm!
118
00:03:50,821 --> 00:03:52,621
That's a really weird thing to say.
119
00:03:52,661 --> 00:03:54,101
Do you wanna stay here?
120
00:03:54,141 --> 00:03:56,061
What do you want to do?
121
00:03:56,101 --> 00:03:57,101
I'll go in.
Ah!
122
00:03:57,141 --> 00:03:58,461
Sickness and diarrhoea!
123
00:03:58,501 --> 00:03:59,981
You're so brave dude.
124
00:04:00,821 --> 00:04:01,901
Let's have a look at her th-
125
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,221
Ooh, Christ!
126
00:04:04,101 --> 00:04:05,661
Sat up.
Oh, I did that.
127
00:04:05,701 --> 00:04:07,421
Why has she got a brew in her hand?
128
00:04:07,461 --> 00:04:09,141
One last cuppa together.
129
00:04:09,181 --> 00:04:11,021
But you've no tea bags have yer?
130
00:04:11,061 --> 00:04:13,141
Well, no...
There's no tea in it, Vinnie.
131
00:04:13,181 --> 00:04:14,901
There's no point, she's dead!
132
00:04:14,941 --> 00:04:17,101
Just get her ankles will yer?
133
00:04:17,141 --> 00:04:18,901
Let's lie her down.
134
00:04:18,941 --> 00:04:19,941
Alright.
135
00:04:19,981 --> 00:04:22,741
Mum, it's just Vinnie and Tyler.
Some mime tea there.
136
00:04:25,261 --> 00:04:26,661
It's alright, sweetheart.
137
00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,901
inappropriately going under the covers to...
138
00:04:28,941 --> 00:04:30,061
.. just...
139
00:04:30,101 --> 00:04:31,621
Oh, fuck!
140
00:04:31,661 --> 00:04:33,621
Fuck me, man.
141
00:04:33,661 --> 00:04:35,101
Why... is the cat...?
142
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,861
One last stroke of Mr Mittens.
143
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:38,181
Did he die too?
144
00:04:39,301 --> 00:04:41,021
Ages ago.
145
00:04:41,061 --> 00:04:42,981
We're gonna need an undertaker,
y'know?
146
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,941
Do you know an undertaker?
147
00:04:44,981 --> 00:04:46,061
I'm seven.
148
00:04:54,821 --> 00:04:55,981
It's not ping ping fuckin' ping!
149
00:04:56,021 --> 00:04:57,261
It's not a children's toy!
150
00:04:57,301 --> 00:04:58,661
I swear to God, people see a bell
151
00:04:58,701 --> 00:05:00,741
and they're fuckin' three again!
They regress.
152
00:05:00,781 --> 00:05:02,501
Would you like a fuckin' rusk
in your mouth?
153
00:05:02,541 --> 00:05:04,341
Are you wearing
a fuckin' trainer nappy? No!
154
00:05:04,381 --> 00:05:05,581
You don't have rusks at three.
155
00:05:05,621 --> 00:05:07,901
Well, I wouldn't know, 'cause I
don't have any children, do I?
156
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,901
And nor do I want any,
the baldy little dribbling fucks.
157
00:05:09,941 --> 00:05:11,061
What do you want?
158
00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:12,661
Vinnie sent us.
What now?
159
00:05:12,701 --> 00:05:14,941
Well, somebody's sort of dead...
Yeah...
160
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,101
Ah, for fuck's-
161
00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:17,701
I'm having me lunch!
162
00:05:17,741 --> 00:05:19,981
You can tell him,
I'm not doing ANYTHING...
163
00:05:20,021 --> 00:05:22,381
..until I've finished my rarebit.
164
00:05:22,421 --> 00:05:23,421
That's cheese on toast.
165
00:05:23,461 --> 00:05:25,621
It's fucking rarebit!
166
00:05:26,861 --> 00:05:28,501
Cheese on toast.
167
00:05:28,541 --> 00:05:29,541
Sluts!
168
00:05:32,381 --> 00:05:33,701
Uh, girls...
169
00:05:33,741 --> 00:05:35,141
Avoiding us, Tommo?
170
00:05:35,181 --> 00:05:36,901
Aww, no, girls...
171
00:05:36,941 --> 00:05:38,821
Hey, why would I be
avoiding you, eh?
172
00:05:38,861 --> 00:05:40,101
Because you owe us two months pay.
173
00:05:40,141 --> 00:05:41,461
We want our money.
Ah, huh...
174
00:05:41,501 --> 00:05:43,821
Girls, look, you've got it
all wrong, haven't yer?
175
00:05:43,861 --> 00:05:45,741
The reason I was popping in there,
176
00:05:45,781 --> 00:05:47,341
is to get you your money.
177
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,221
Yeah...
So, if you'll just let me go,
178
00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:50,261
for one second...
179
00:05:52,701 --> 00:05:55,421
See? Not bad, in't it, eh?
180
00:05:55,461 --> 00:05:57,261
Help me!
Get him!
181
00:05:57,301 --> 00:05:58,301
Rape!
182
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,061
Get in!
183
00:06:03,341 --> 00:06:04,501
Ah!
What the fuck?!
184
00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:06,181
Why the fuck's Tommo running?
Get over!
185
00:06:06,221 --> 00:06:07,501
Tommo, get in the back! Get over!
186
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,661
- Hurry up!
- Go on!
187
00:06:09,701 --> 00:06:12,221
Where's our money?!
What's wrong with you?
188
00:06:13,301 --> 00:06:15,261
Tommo, what have you done
to those girls?
189
00:06:15,301 --> 00:06:17,821
I will kill you if it's got
anything to do with the club, Tommo!
190
00:06:25,221 --> 00:06:26,781
Why don't you just pay 'em?
191
00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:28,741
Yeah, great question,
Co-assistant Manager.
192
00:06:28,781 --> 00:06:30,501
"Why I don't just pay 'em?"
Maybe it's because...
193
00:06:30,541 --> 00:06:32,221
..I haven't got any fucking money!
Move.
194
00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:34,541
And aside from
a few thousand ecstasy tablets,
195
00:06:34,581 --> 00:06:35,581
which I can't shift because
196
00:06:35,621 --> 00:06:37,621
Carl Slater's breathing down me
fuckin' neck,
197
00:06:37,661 --> 00:06:39,181
I've got zero collateral.
198
00:06:39,221 --> 00:06:40,301
I'll take a pill off you.
199
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:43,021
One pill?
Well, alright, two.
200
00:06:43,061 --> 00:06:44,501
So I'll get one for Cardi.
201
00:06:44,541 --> 00:06:45,661
Right. Hallelujah!
202
00:06:45,701 --> 00:06:47,341
All me cash flow problems
are sorted.
203
00:06:47,381 --> 00:06:48,701
Do you want the sale or not?
204
00:06:54,621 --> 00:06:56,061
Hello?
She has to be buried.
205
00:06:56,101 --> 00:06:57,341
She-she hated fire.
206
00:06:57,381 --> 00:06:59,061
Even on holiday,
she'd lie under a towel...
207
00:06:59,101 --> 00:07:00,581
Calm down a bit.
We got some funny looks
208
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,221
when we were in Turin.
She loved hymns!
209
00:07:02,261 --> 00:07:03,701
All Things Bright and Beautiful.
210
00:07:03,741 --> 00:07:05,941
And what's the one about
the shell suit? How did that go?
211
00:07:05,981 --> 00:07:10,621
♪ Ooooohhhhh, ooooohhhhh, oooohhh...
212
00:07:10,661 --> 00:07:12,181
♪ Yer nana in a shell suit. ♪
213
00:07:12,221 --> 00:07:13,461
"Ding Dong Merrily on High!"
214
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:14,981
Hosanna in excelsis.
215
00:07:15,021 --> 00:07:16,181
Not your nana in a shell suit.
216
00:07:16,221 --> 00:07:17,661
I don't think it matters
though, does it?
217
00:07:17,701 --> 00:07:18,981
Matters to Gloria Hosanna.
218
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,421
She's hailed for her glory to God,
219
00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:22,141
not... 80s attire!
220
00:07:22,181 --> 00:07:23,341
Isn't that a Christmas song?
221
00:07:23,381 --> 00:07:25,501
It is. Well, yeah, it is a
Christmas song. Do you want it?
222
00:07:25,541 --> 00:07:27,741
Yes, please. I'd like that,
"All Things Bright and Beautiful",
223
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,101
and "Living in a Box"
- by Living in a Box.
- Giddy?
224
00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:32,061
Calm yourself a little bit now.
225
00:07:32,101 --> 00:07:34,421
Sorry. I am upset Vinnie.
It's alright.
226
00:07:34,461 --> 00:07:36,061
Go and make a cup of tea
- or something.
- Ooh, yes.
227
00:07:36,101 --> 00:07:37,101
Just calm down a little bit.
228
00:07:37,141 --> 00:07:38,821
Is that the tea bags there?
- Yeah.
- Aww, thank you.
229
00:07:38,861 --> 00:07:40,661
Go and sort that out.
Do you want to go and help Giddy?
230
00:07:40,701 --> 00:07:42,301
OK.
What a good lad.
231
00:07:42,341 --> 00:07:43,741
Look, I promised his mam,
232
00:07:43,781 --> 00:07:45,381
I'd take care of him
once she'd passed.
233
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:46,501
He's like a little lad!
234
00:07:46,541 --> 00:07:48,621
He's never done anything for
himself-Let me tell you,
235
00:07:48,661 --> 00:07:50,781
if you're looking for a free
funeral, you can go fuck yourself.
236
00:07:50,821 --> 00:07:52,181
No way, nada, nein, nicht.
237
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:54,381
Stop fucking me in German for a
minute! What about mate's rates?
238
00:07:54,421 --> 00:07:56,261
What mate?
Me, you dickhead!
239
00:07:56,301 --> 00:07:57,701
Oh, let me think about that
for a second.
240
00:07:57,741 --> 00:07:58,781
Eh... No!
241
00:07:58,821 --> 00:08:00,661
His fuckin' mum's died!
242
00:08:00,701 --> 00:08:01,901
He's got nothing and no one.
243
00:08:01,941 --> 00:08:04,061
She's the only person
that ever cared for him.
244
00:08:04,101 --> 00:08:05,821
Have you SEEN the price of coffins?!
245
00:08:05,861 --> 00:08:07,181
Oh fuck, you are horrible.
Tight that!
246
00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:08,861
- Shocking.
- That's really mean.
Oh that's right!
247
00:08:08,901 --> 00:08:11,061
That's right, guilt trip me.
It's all my fault!
248
00:08:11,101 --> 00:08:12,941
I've got cystitis and a bunion
on my right foot
249
00:08:12,981 --> 00:08:14,621
but you don't see anyone
crying for me!
250
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,941
They are painful.
251
00:08:15,981 --> 00:08:18,021
Which?
Both.
252
00:08:18,061 --> 00:08:19,461
I know none of you know him.
253
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:20,741
Alright? I get it.
254
00:08:20,781 --> 00:08:22,141
But I fucking do.
255
00:08:22,181 --> 00:08:24,541
I care about him.
I feel responsible for him.
256
00:08:24,581 --> 00:08:25,861
Help me or don't help me,
257
00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:27,221
I'm burying his mam with dignity.
258
00:08:27,261 --> 00:08:29,941
Oh, for God's sake! Fine. FINE!
Fuck me...
259
00:08:29,981 --> 00:08:31,461
Let me tell you what I can do.
260
00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:33,501
There was a couple in last week,
261
00:08:33,541 --> 00:08:34,541
the Kennerleys...
262
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,021
Brian and Maureen...
263
00:08:36,061 --> 00:08:37,501
Christ! Once!
264
00:08:37,541 --> 00:08:39,061
Ping ping fuckin' ping...
265
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,301
Let me tell you, this pair...
266
00:08:40,341 --> 00:08:43,381
..won "Cunt Couple of the Year"
competition...
..five years running.
267
00:08:43,421 --> 00:08:44,981
Is that a thing?
268
00:08:45,021 --> 00:08:47,261
We need... gold.
269
00:08:47,301 --> 00:08:49,821
Gold trim, gold handles...
270
00:08:49,861 --> 00:08:51,221
..and mahogany.
271
00:08:51,261 --> 00:08:53,141
The finest mahogany...
272
00:08:53,181 --> 00:08:55,701
..known to humanity.
273
00:08:55,741 --> 00:08:57,261
Oi!
274
00:08:57,301 --> 00:08:58,701
Are you listening?
275
00:08:58,741 --> 00:09:00,461
Yes, I'm listening.
276
00:09:00,501 --> 00:09:02,421
It's the eye.
277
00:09:02,461 --> 00:09:04,181
Looks like you're not listening.
278
00:09:04,221 --> 00:09:05,581
It gives me the creeps.
279
00:09:05,621 --> 00:09:06,701
He was looking at me, Brian was,
280
00:09:06,741 --> 00:09:07,781
going on about the eye,
281
00:09:07,821 --> 00:09:09,341
pointing it out, all morning!
282
00:09:09,381 --> 00:09:10,661
It's not funny!
It's not...
283
00:09:10,701 --> 00:09:12,861
He was calling me Gar-eye
by the end! Asking me to do things.
284
00:09:12,901 --> 00:09:14,741
Do this, Gar-eye. Do that, Gar-eye!
285
00:09:14,781 --> 00:09:16,741
Raging I was with him! RAGING!
286
00:09:17,821 --> 00:09:18,981
Anyway it went on like that
287
00:09:19,021 --> 00:09:20,741
til we buried his mother bitch
in the ground.
288
00:09:20,781 --> 00:09:22,861
And I am not a spiteful man-
Oh, fuck off!
289
00:09:22,901 --> 00:09:24,341
You're horrible.
You're a horrible man.
290
00:09:24,381 --> 00:09:25,821
Alright, I'm a little bit spiteful,
291
00:09:25,861 --> 00:09:27,501
but they were RUDE, Vin!
292
00:09:27,541 --> 00:09:28,621
Hurtful!
293
00:09:29,741 --> 00:09:31,301
And that coffin is too good
294
00:09:31,341 --> 00:09:33,461
for any cunt that pushed that cunt
out of her cunt!
295
00:09:33,501 --> 00:09:34,781
Tea's up everybody.
296
00:09:34,821 --> 00:09:35,861
Oh, brilliant!
297
00:09:36,861 --> 00:09:38,061
Fuck me!
298
00:09:55,941 --> 00:09:56,941
Oww!
299
00:10:00,181 --> 00:10:02,261
All sorted. No one's getting in now.
300
00:10:06,501 --> 00:10:09,221
I tell you what, I'm just feeling
a bit anxious about all of this.
301
00:10:09,261 --> 00:10:10,621
I've just been in the nick
302
00:10:10,661 --> 00:10:12,381
for "preventing a lawful burial"
303
00:10:12,421 --> 00:10:14,501
and now I'm pissing about in here
with Beth-
304
00:10:14,541 --> 00:10:15,861
God, she looks boring doesn't she?
305
00:10:15,901 --> 00:10:17,861
It's Gideon that's in need
of the coffin.
306
00:10:17,901 --> 00:10:18,901
I'm just asking...
307
00:10:18,941 --> 00:10:20,901
Is there not another way,
is all I am saying?
308
00:10:20,941 --> 00:10:22,061
What are you talking about?
309
00:10:22,101 --> 00:10:23,661
You want a coffin, I want revenge.
310
00:10:23,701 --> 00:10:25,421
It's win-win.
Oh...
311
00:10:25,461 --> 00:10:27,381
Alright then.
But I just want to say a few words.
312
00:10:27,421 --> 00:10:28,861
Bit of dignity
before she goes in the oven.
313
00:10:28,901 --> 00:10:30,021
She's dead. She's had her words.
314
00:10:30,061 --> 00:10:32,621
For fuck's sake, Gary, you maniac!
315
00:10:32,661 --> 00:10:34,101
You're desensitized, you!
316
00:10:34,141 --> 00:10:36,181
Do you know that...
these are all people?
317
00:10:36,221 --> 00:10:38,501
They were children.
All of them, at some stage.
318
00:10:38,541 --> 00:10:40,501
She was cradled
in her mother's arms-
319
00:10:40,541 --> 00:10:41,901
And now she's dead, in the ground.
320
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,221
Dig the fuckin' earth!
321
00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:47,021
It's funny being dead, in't it?
322
00:10:47,061 --> 00:10:48,701
All that shit
everyone worries about, you know-
323
00:10:48,741 --> 00:10:51,301
Oh no, I've missed me deadline!
324
00:10:51,341 --> 00:10:53,581
Oh no, I've hurt their feelings!
325
00:10:53,621 --> 00:10:55,541
Oh no, I've been to visit my
elderly neighbour,
326
00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:57,741
and ended up road hoggin' her
in front of Countdown...
327
00:11:00,061 --> 00:11:01,341
When you're down there,
328
00:11:01,381 --> 00:11:02,501
none of it fuckin' matters.
329
00:11:02,541 --> 00:11:03,821
Woah, woah, woah!
330
00:11:03,861 --> 00:11:05,301
You'll damage the coffin!
331
00:11:05,341 --> 00:11:06,901
Let's get in
and do the rest by hand.
332
00:11:06,941 --> 00:11:08,821
Go on, Ashley!
Get in there, love.
333
00:11:08,861 --> 00:11:10,181
Go on, Dildo...
334
00:11:10,221 --> 00:11:11,781
There we go, lad.
335
00:11:15,101 --> 00:11:16,501
Yeah, mind! Mind!
336
00:11:18,661 --> 00:11:21,021
Have I told you I've taken up magic?
337
00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:22,901
No, but now is the perfect time.
338
00:11:22,941 --> 00:11:24,621
Yeah, I've been learning it
on YouTube.
339
00:11:24,661 --> 00:11:26,541
Magic her alive and maybe
she could dig herself out...
340
00:11:26,581 --> 00:11:27,981
Oh, oh, d'you know,
341
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,541
I'm-I'm getting pretty good. Carol
reckons I could earn a living at it.
342
00:11:30,581 --> 00:11:32,221
Do you want to
shut the fuck up about magic?
343
00:11:32,261 --> 00:11:33,621
I think we are there now.
Hey, just...
344
00:11:33,661 --> 00:11:35,261
..pull top layer off. Come on.
345
00:11:37,021 --> 00:11:38,181
Looks good, that!
Yeah.
346
00:11:38,221 --> 00:11:40,741
That's a beauty that. Look at that!
Right, right. Shift, shift, shift!
347
00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:42,861
I'm gonna lift off the lid.
Wait, what do you mean open the lid?
348
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,581
Why are you talking about
lifting the lid for?
349
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:45,901
To get her out.
350
00:11:45,941 --> 00:11:47,021
Was I unclear about that?
351
00:11:47,061 --> 00:11:48,661
Yeah, you fuckin' were!
352
00:11:48,701 --> 00:11:50,421
How do you think
we're gonna get a giant coffin
353
00:11:50,461 --> 00:11:51,541
out of a tiny hole?
354
00:11:51,581 --> 00:11:53,221
You have to up end and push!
355
00:11:53,261 --> 00:11:54,981
You wouldn't move a chest of drawers
356
00:11:55,021 --> 00:11:56,621
with the contents inside,
now would ya?
357
00:11:56,661 --> 00:11:57,861
Fair point.
No flipping way, mate.
358
00:11:57,901 --> 00:11:58,901
You can count me out.
359
00:11:58,941 --> 00:12:01,621
It's disgusting! It's bloody immoral
and it's degrading!
360
00:12:01,661 --> 00:12:03,421
Oh by the way, to get my own back...
361
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:04,701
I buried her in...
362
00:12:04,741 --> 00:12:06,421
..tights and suspenders.
363
00:12:06,461 --> 00:12:08,901
Oh! Ooh!
364
00:12:09,981 --> 00:12:11,541
For fuck sake Gary...
365
00:12:11,581 --> 00:12:12,741
Is it just me...
366
00:12:12,781 --> 00:12:14,461
..or is that still quite erotic?
Fuck off, Tommo!
367
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,981
Hang about, just because I'm in
touch with my experimental side..
368
00:12:17,021 --> 00:12:18,261
Can we just get on with this?
369
00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:19,861
Dude, I think I'm gonna
fuckin' puke.
370
00:12:19,901 --> 00:12:21,781
Right, one of you two needs to
climb up there
371
00:12:21,821 --> 00:12:22,941
and help us at the top-
I'll go.
372
00:12:22,981 --> 00:12:24,341
That's a bad choice.
373
00:12:24,381 --> 00:12:25,941
Right, 1, 2, 3...
374
00:12:25,981 --> 00:12:28,181
Careful lads. Care-Careful!
Up. Up. Up.
375
00:12:28,221 --> 00:12:29,381
I'm not sure I've got him...
376
00:12:30,261 --> 00:12:31,901
Oh! Oh!
377
00:12:33,701 --> 00:12:35,661
You have crushed her entire body!
378
00:12:35,701 --> 00:12:38,261
Dude, I think one of her boobs
just popped...
379
00:12:38,301 --> 00:12:39,421
Oh Cardi...
380
00:12:39,461 --> 00:12:41,661
That is a fucking nightmare, man!
381
00:12:41,701 --> 00:12:43,141
She's fucking stiff!
382
00:12:43,181 --> 00:12:44,301
She's not the only one.
383
00:12:45,221 --> 00:12:46,981
You get out.
384
00:12:47,021 --> 00:12:48,021
NOW!
385
00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:51,501
Do you not take her shoes off?
386
00:12:51,541 --> 00:12:54,101
No, she had the most disgusting
trotters I have ever seen.
387
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,381
Right. There you go.
388
00:12:55,421 --> 00:12:57,461
Go ahead, say your words.
389
00:12:57,501 --> 00:12:58,901
Like that?
No.
390
00:12:58,941 --> 00:13:00,541
It is like that, dickhead.
No, it's not.
391
00:13:00,581 --> 00:13:01,581
It is like that!
392
00:13:01,621 --> 00:13:03,581
Go on, say your words.
393
00:13:03,621 --> 00:13:04,861
Beth, listen love...
394
00:13:06,701 --> 00:13:08,341
I'm sure...
395
00:13:09,461 --> 00:13:12,301
..that when you were on this earth,
you were a good...
396
00:13:12,341 --> 00:13:13,781
mother and good wife-
397
00:13:13,821 --> 00:13:15,741
What are you doing, you dickhead?
Why've you done that?!
398
00:13:15,781 --> 00:13:17,301
Come on, why don't we have a brew?
399
00:13:17,341 --> 00:13:19,781
I haven't finished what I was
saying! Gary, you've ruined-
400
00:13:19,821 --> 00:13:21,741
I'm sorry for nicking
yer coffin, love.
401
00:13:21,781 --> 00:13:22,861
For fuck's sake...
402
00:13:22,901 --> 00:13:24,661
♪ Shakedown
403
00:13:24,701 --> 00:13:27,261
♪ Dreams walking in broad daylight ♪
404
00:13:29,181 --> 00:13:31,021
Don't you want some of this?
No, ta.
405
00:13:32,301 --> 00:13:34,221
♪ Burning down the house #
Giddy!
406
00:13:34,261 --> 00:13:35,701
P-pick a card. Any card.
407
00:13:35,741 --> 00:13:36,981
OK.
Got one?
408
00:13:37,021 --> 00:13:38,461
Right, don't show me.
409
00:13:38,501 --> 00:13:39,861
Yeah, OK.
Put it back.
410
00:13:39,901 --> 00:13:41,341
Anywhere- ÷Anywhere you like...
411
00:13:41,381 --> 00:13:42,701
OK.
Back in?
412
00:13:42,741 --> 00:13:44,661
It's back in there.
Right, OK.
413
00:13:44,701 --> 00:13:46,301
Alright, just- Now, just-
414
00:13:46,341 --> 00:13:48,821
On three, just snap your fingers
near the deck.
415
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:49,981
Alright?
416
00:13:50,021 --> 00:13:51,861
One, two...
417
00:13:51,901 --> 00:13:53,141
- Three!
- Woah!
418
00:13:53,181 --> 00:13:54,221
Is that your card?
419
00:13:54,261 --> 00:13:55,701
Six of diamonds?
420
00:13:55,741 --> 00:13:57,701
Yes...
421
00:13:57,741 --> 00:13:59,061
Magician!
That's it.
422
00:13:59,101 --> 00:14:00,221
That's a class act.
423
00:14:00,261 --> 00:14:01,541
And for my next trick...
424
00:14:01,581 --> 00:14:03,341
Get away...
Aww...
425
00:14:03,381 --> 00:14:04,661
Magic!
426
00:14:04,701 --> 00:14:06,021
Vinnie, I...
427
00:14:06,061 --> 00:14:08,221
I think I look plump in this suit.
428
00:14:08,261 --> 00:14:09,261
Yeah, you do. I mean, yeah.
429
00:14:09,301 --> 00:14:11,021
You look plump in
fuckin' everythin' don't you?
430
00:14:11,061 --> 00:14:13,021
You're plump!
431
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,661
I think it's cool, man.
432
00:14:14,701 --> 00:14:16,341
Very sharp.
433
00:14:16,381 --> 00:14:17,781
Come here, sweetheart. Put that on.
434
00:14:17,821 --> 00:14:18,861
It's bloody freezin'.
435
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:21,061
Thanks.
There's a good lad.
436
00:14:21,101 --> 00:14:23,061
You- You're a good friend, Vinnie.
437
00:14:24,101 --> 00:14:25,301
Thank you.
438
00:14:25,341 --> 00:14:27,901
What are you thanking me for?
Of course I'm your friend!
439
00:14:27,941 --> 00:14:29,461
I told your mum I'd look after you.
440
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:30,981
That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
441
00:14:31,021 --> 00:14:32,901
Well, you're a credit to your mum.
442
00:14:32,941 --> 00:14:34,501
She-she brought you up well.
443
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:35,661
Maybe.
444
00:14:36,861 --> 00:14:38,221
Boys need their mums, don't they?
445
00:14:38,261 --> 00:14:40,101
Tha-That's what my mum used to say.
446
00:14:40,141 --> 00:14:41,421
Yeah...
447
00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:43,341
I reckon you're definitely right
with that one, Giddy.
448
00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:44,621
Christ...
449
00:14:44,661 --> 00:14:45,661
Ow! Oww!
450
00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:46,981
Ooh you fuckers!
451
00:14:47,021 --> 00:14:48,021
Hey!
Owww!
452
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,181
Dude, I'm sorry!
453
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,341
I said I am fucking sorry...
454
00:14:51,381 --> 00:14:52,661
Ash stop it. Stop. Stop.
455
00:14:52,701 --> 00:14:53,861
Stop! The pair of yer.
456
00:14:53,901 --> 00:14:55,141
What the fuck's going on?
457
00:14:55,181 --> 00:14:56,741
He handcuffed us together.
458
00:14:57,581 --> 00:14:59,701
What've you done that for?
459
00:14:59,741 --> 00:15:01,341
Magic!
Fucking magic?
460
00:15:01,381 --> 00:15:02,981
He's swallowed the key.
Have yer?
461
00:15:03,021 --> 00:15:05,141
I was supposed to hold it
under my tongue.
462
00:15:05,181 --> 00:15:07,021
Have you got a spare one?
463
00:15:07,061 --> 00:15:08,701
Not on me.
Why do you keep saying "not on me"?
464
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,221
You don't HAVE a spare one!
Oww!
465
00:15:10,261 --> 00:15:11,941
You either have one or you don't!
Stop it!
466
00:15:11,981 --> 00:15:13,581
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
467
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,821
Christ...
468
00:15:14,861 --> 00:15:16,341
Listen, you are going to
have to fucking go.
469
00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:17,661
It's a funeral!
470
00:15:17,701 --> 00:15:19,981
You look like you're on
day release, lads.
471
00:15:20,021 --> 00:15:21,301
Behave yourselves!
472
00:15:21,341 --> 00:15:22,381
Hey.
473
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,381
We will.
It was my favourite trick as well.
474
00:15:24,421 --> 00:15:26,901
You've upset him there.
You have bloody upset him.
475
00:15:26,941 --> 00:15:28,021
Dylan!
What?
476
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,621
Why are you letting them do magic?
477
00:15:29,661 --> 00:15:31,621
Do you know what I mean?
478
00:15:31,661 --> 00:15:33,741
It's always my fault in't it?
479
00:15:43,021 --> 00:15:47,821
♪ Oh she may be weary
480
00:15:47,861 --> 00:15:51,901
♪ And them young girls
# they sure get weary
481
00:15:51,941 --> 00:15:55,741
♪ Wearing that same old
482
00:15:55,781 --> 00:15:59,221
♪ Ragged dress, yeah ♪
483
00:16:03,501 --> 00:16:08,501
♪ But when they get weary
484
00:16:08,541 --> 00:16:13,421
♪ Try a little tenderness ♪
485
00:16:18,861 --> 00:16:23,541
♪ You might not believe it, but...
486
00:16:23,581 --> 00:16:28,061
♪ You know, she's waiting
487
00:16:28,101 --> 00:16:31,661
♪ Just anticipating... ♪
488
00:16:31,701 --> 00:16:35,181
♪ All things bright and beautiful,
489
00:16:35,221 --> 00:16:39,581
♪ All creatures great and small,
490
00:16:39,621 --> 00:16:43,261
♪ All things wise and wonderful,
491
00:16:43,301 --> 00:16:46,101
♪ The Lord God made them all. ♪
492
00:16:46,141 --> 00:16:47,341
Go on, Giddy! Give us a song!
493
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:51,381
♪ The Lord is always listening,
494
00:16:51,421 --> 00:16:55,541
♪ To give us what we need,
495
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:59,621
♪ Like when I've run out of tea bags
496
00:16:59,661 --> 00:17:02,461
♪ And Vinnie needs some weed... ♪
497
00:17:02,501 --> 00:17:03,981
Yeah!
498
00:17:04,021 --> 00:17:06,821
OK, this is the, uh,
the main bar area.
499
00:17:06,861 --> 00:17:08,101
And at the back there
500
00:17:08,141 --> 00:17:09,341
is the staff quarters.
501
00:17:17,301 --> 00:17:19,381
Uh, these- these are the numbers
502
00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:21,221
from the books this year so far.
503
00:17:21,261 --> 00:17:24,581
As you can see, obviously, 'cause of
the current climate...
504
00:17:24,621 --> 00:17:27,301
We commit Gideon's mum
to the ground.
505
00:17:28,501 --> 00:17:29,941
Earth to earth.
506
00:17:29,981 --> 00:17:32,021
Ashes to ashes.
507
00:17:32,061 --> 00:17:33,421
Dust to dust.
508
00:17:34,461 --> 00:17:36,661
Bye, Mum...
509
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:42,461
Jesus, Cardi...
510
00:17:45,861 --> 00:17:47,181
D'you think I made it worse?
511
00:17:47,221 --> 00:17:49,581
Hit it in the middle
of the plastic bit...
512
00:17:52,261 --> 00:17:53,741
Never pay to have it sucked again.
513
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,861
The AutoBlow 2, Titan edition...
514
00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:57,381
Me- Me mum's just died.
515
00:17:57,421 --> 00:17:59,141
Well, you'll need it all the more
then, won't yer?!
516
00:17:59,181 --> 00:18:01,741
Motty will you fuck off
with your blowjob machine?!
517
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,421
Fucking Autoblow 2.
518
00:18:03,461 --> 00:18:04,781
Have you improved it
on the last one?
519
00:18:04,821 --> 00:18:06,221
Well, the first one snagged,
didn't it?!
520
00:18:06,261 --> 00:18:08,101
You are never gonna sell that, love.
521
00:18:08,141 --> 00:18:09,541
Thanks for all this, Vinnie.
522
00:18:09,581 --> 00:18:11,021
Eh, can I buy you a drink?
523
00:18:11,061 --> 00:18:12,101
Nah, you don't have to do that.
524
00:18:12,141 --> 00:18:13,621
Oh please... I-I insist.
525
00:18:14,741 --> 00:18:16,381
Sod it. Go on then.
526
00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:17,581
Pint of lager.
527
00:18:17,621 --> 00:18:18,861
Eh, pint of lager please Dylan
528
00:18:18,901 --> 00:18:20,581
and whatever your having mate...
529
00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:22,501
Where is me wallet now?
530
00:18:22,541 --> 00:18:24,181
Oh, there's so many pockets in here.
531
00:18:24,221 --> 00:18:26,061
Can I give you a hand there?
532
00:18:26,101 --> 00:18:27,101
Vinnie!
533
00:18:27,141 --> 00:18:28,621
It'll be down here...
534
00:18:28,661 --> 00:18:29,701
Vinnie that's rude!
535
00:18:31,421 --> 00:18:33,341
Oh Vinnie... That-
536
00:18:33,381 --> 00:18:34,781
That's mum's handwriting.
537
00:18:34,821 --> 00:18:35,821
Is it?
Yeah.
538
00:18:35,861 --> 00:18:36,861
Yeah?
539
00:18:36,901 --> 00:18:38,301
Well that might be a bloody note!
540
00:18:38,341 --> 00:18:40,221
What does it say?
What does she mean? What does-?
541
00:18:40,261 --> 00:18:41,941
Chill out, let's have a look.
542
00:18:41,981 --> 00:18:43,101
Oh, looksee...
543
00:18:43,141 --> 00:18:45,621
"For when I'm gone."
544
00:18:45,661 --> 00:18:48,221
Vinnie, do you think she wrote it
from beyond the grave?!
545
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,101
Do I?! Bloody hell, you lunatic.
546
00:18:50,141 --> 00:18:51,581
She has wrote you a little letter,
547
00:18:51,621 --> 00:18:53,221
and snuck it in there
so you'd find it
548
00:18:53,261 --> 00:18:54,501
once she's passed away.
Ah...
549
00:18:54,541 --> 00:18:55,541
That makes more sense.
550
00:18:55,581 --> 00:18:56,781
It does, dun't it?
Yeah.
551
00:18:56,821 --> 00:18:58,261
There you go then, come on.
Oh, no.
552
00:18:58,301 --> 00:19:00,301
Can you open it?
Oh, Giddy love it's-
553
00:19:00,341 --> 00:19:01,621
I don't know about that.
554
00:19:01,661 --> 00:19:03,061
Oh please, Vinnie. I'm dead nervous.
555
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,341
Please...
556
00:19:04,381 --> 00:19:05,421
Are you sure?
Yes.
557
00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:06,821
Yeah?
- Yes.
- Alright then...
558
00:19:06,861 --> 00:19:08,501
Let's just get it
over and done with.
559
00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,141
Oh! What lovely handwriting!
560
00:19:11,181 --> 00:19:12,901
Look at that!
561
00:19:12,941 --> 00:19:14,141
Funeral instructions...
562
00:19:14,181 --> 00:19:16,141
Oh no, what have we forgotten?! It-
563
00:19:16,181 --> 00:19:17,661
It's alright.
Sweetheart, it's alright.
564
00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:20,061
I bet there's not a thing on this
list we haven't already covered.
565
00:19:20,101 --> 00:19:21,341
We've had a lovely day,
haven't we?!
566
00:19:21,381 --> 00:19:22,981
Magic, yeah...
567
00:19:23,021 --> 00:19:24,821
Yep. Yeh.
Uh-huh.
568
00:19:24,861 --> 00:19:26,781
Yeh. Yeh...
Mhm.
569
00:19:26,821 --> 00:19:27,821
Yep...
570
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,741
Buried... at sea?
571
00:19:30,781 --> 00:19:31,941
Fuck!
572
00:19:39,701 --> 00:19:42,021
Cheers mate. Cardi here swallowed
the key and we don't have a spare.
573
00:19:42,061 --> 00:19:43,101
Let me get this straight.
574
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:44,661
You don't want to buy it?
575
00:19:44,701 --> 00:19:46,381
No, I don't want to buy it.
I want to borrow it!
576
00:19:46,421 --> 00:19:48,141
Borrow?
Yeah.
577
00:19:48,181 --> 00:19:49,181
You mean rent?
578
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:50,901
No, I don't mean fucking rent!
579
00:19:50,941 --> 00:19:53,661
I want to borrow it,
for a sea burial.
580
00:19:53,701 --> 00:19:54,981
Our mate's mam's died!
581
00:19:55,021 --> 00:19:56,461
No one's making any money on this.
582
00:19:56,501 --> 00:19:58,861
We're just... doing it
out of the goodness of our hearts.
583
00:19:58,901 --> 00:20:00,581
Goodness of your hearts?
584
00:20:00,621 --> 00:20:03,381
Let me tell you,
I once signed up to a charity once.
585
00:20:03,421 --> 00:20:04,421
What happened?
586
00:20:04,461 --> 00:20:06,101
Same day, crashed me car
587
00:20:06,141 --> 00:20:08,181
and got Laryngitis!
588
00:20:08,221 --> 00:20:09,621
And that were it.
589
00:20:09,661 --> 00:20:11,341
I got out of the nice game.
590
00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:13,421
How come you've got
so many keys in here?
591
00:20:13,461 --> 00:20:15,341
I unlock LOTS of things.
592
00:20:16,261 --> 00:20:17,821
Like what?
593
00:20:17,861 --> 00:20:19,781
Doors...
594
00:20:19,821 --> 00:20:21,421
Hearts...
595
00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:22,941
Look, you said yourself,
596
00:20:22,981 --> 00:20:24,941
you're sick of the
fuckin' sight of it!
597
00:20:24,981 --> 00:20:26,861
We only need it
for a couple of days, man.
598
00:20:26,901 --> 00:20:28,301
Come on.
599
00:20:28,341 --> 00:20:30,261
Couple of days?
Yeah.
600
00:20:30,301 --> 00:20:31,301
Let me see...
601
00:20:32,661 --> 00:20:34,221
Yes...
602
00:20:34,261 --> 00:20:35,261
..or no?
603
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:36,661
Dick.
604
00:20:36,701 --> 00:20:38,461
Yes...
605
00:20:38,501 --> 00:20:39,781
..or no?
606
00:20:41,021 --> 00:20:42,021
Yes.
Yeah?
607
00:20:42,061 --> 00:20:43,661
On one condition.
Go on.
608
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:44,781
You don't bring it back.
609
00:20:44,821 --> 00:20:46,541
You what?!
You heard!
610
00:20:46,581 --> 00:20:47,581
You take it,
611
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,421
you sail it away...
612
00:20:49,461 --> 00:20:51,061
..you drop off your dead person...
613
00:20:52,341 --> 00:20:53,941
..and I never see it again.
614
00:20:53,981 --> 00:20:55,461
Fuck me, you are hard work.
615
00:20:55,501 --> 00:20:56,901
Insured is it? Eh?
616
00:20:57,901 --> 00:20:59,741
Yes, as a matter of fact,
it is, yeah.
617
00:21:00,581 --> 00:21:02,341
But I resent the accusation.
618
00:21:03,781 --> 00:21:05,261
I fuck- I hate you Dan.
619
00:21:05,301 --> 00:21:06,981
I know.
You're horrible.
620
00:21:07,021 --> 00:21:08,501
Link the fucking thing up.
621
00:21:08,541 --> 00:21:10,381
Calvin, no worries but...
622
00:21:11,381 --> 00:21:13,021
Oh, here, maybe take a laxative.
623
00:21:13,061 --> 00:21:14,301
Poop the key out.
624
00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:16,901
You might as well get your mates
to handcuff us together.
625
00:21:16,941 --> 00:21:18,101
Come on.
626
00:21:18,141 --> 00:21:19,621
Fucking hell mate!
Harassment, that is.
627
00:21:19,661 --> 00:21:21,061
Hashtag Me Too, pal.
628
00:21:21,101 --> 00:21:22,741
Tommo, stop flirting!
629
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:25,101
Get in the fucking van dude,
we've gotta get laxatives!
630
00:21:25,141 --> 00:21:26,461
Christ, he's a dickhead.
631
00:21:28,861 --> 00:21:29,981
All this Gideon stuff,
632
00:21:30,021 --> 00:21:32,101
it's got me thinkin' about
me mum a lot.
633
00:21:32,141 --> 00:21:33,541
Y'know?
634
00:21:33,581 --> 00:21:35,021
Why the fuckin' hell...
635
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,861
..do you just leave your child?
636
00:21:37,781 --> 00:21:38,981
I mean let's just-
637
00:21:39,021 --> 00:21:40,781
If we gave her
the benefit of the doubt for a sec,
638
00:21:40,821 --> 00:21:42,461
and just say...
639
00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:44,021
..that me dad was fucking useless,
640
00:21:44,061 --> 00:21:45,421
which he would have been
641
00:21:45,461 --> 00:21:47,381
and she needed some space,
that's fair enough.
642
00:21:47,421 --> 00:21:48,741
But you'd come back, wouldn't you?
643
00:21:48,781 --> 00:21:49,821
I'd never...
644
00:21:49,861 --> 00:21:52,341
..EVER leave my little boy. Ever.
645
00:21:52,381 --> 00:21:55,301
No, no phone call, no f-
Here you are.
646
00:21:55,341 --> 00:21:56,341
This is all I've got.
647
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:57,981
All I've got to remind me of her.
648
00:22:02,581 --> 00:22:03,621
Nice.
649
00:22:03,661 --> 00:22:04,861
She were bonny...
650
00:22:06,861 --> 00:22:08,381
I get these flashbacks...
651
00:22:10,061 --> 00:22:12,541
..to the moment she left me,
when I was little.
652
00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:14,221
Y'know?
653
00:22:14,261 --> 00:22:16,141
And fuck, I wonder...
654
00:22:16,181 --> 00:22:18,981
I-I wonder in a funny kinda way,
whether...
655
00:22:19,021 --> 00:22:21,781
..maybe that's the reason
I don't trust anyone.
656
00:22:21,821 --> 00:22:23,221
Especially girls.
657
00:22:24,981 --> 00:22:27,341
Fuck I am just terrified
of falling in love,
658
00:22:27,381 --> 00:22:29,221
in case they bloody leave me,
y'know?
659
00:22:30,421 --> 00:22:31,621
Leave me on my own...
660
00:22:34,901 --> 00:22:35,901
Amazing knees.
661
00:22:35,941 --> 00:22:37,301
Dickhead.
Oh, they're smashers.
662
00:22:37,341 --> 00:22:39,141
Dude, I'm pouring me heart out here
663
00:22:39,181 --> 00:22:41,181
and you're just perving on me
missing mum's knees.
664
00:22:41,221 --> 00:22:42,861
You fu-
I'm just saying, she was a looker!
665
00:22:42,901 --> 00:22:43,901
You should be pleased!
666
00:22:43,941 --> 00:22:44,941
Pleased?
Yeah!
667
00:22:44,981 --> 00:22:46,621
I mean, I would.
I mean not now, but...
668
00:22:46,661 --> 00:22:47,661
..back then I would.
669
00:22:47,701 --> 00:22:49,021
Honestly, you've crossed a line
here.
670
00:22:49,061 --> 00:22:50,141
No, that's a good thing!
671
00:22:50,181 --> 00:22:51,981
There's your weed.
Vinnie!
672
00:22:52,021 --> 00:22:53,101
I'm storming out.
What?
673
00:22:53,141 --> 00:22:54,781
You'd rather I'd said
she was a munter?!
674
00:22:56,701 --> 00:22:57,981
Don't you crease it!
Right, now...
675
00:22:58,021 --> 00:23:00,461
Come up with another plan... again.
This plan...
676
00:23:00,501 --> 00:23:02,341
..is simple...
Oh?
677
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:03,661
..yet genius.
678
00:23:03,701 --> 00:23:05,381
Now we live on an island.
679
00:23:05,421 --> 00:23:06,421
Yeah?
Yep.
680
00:23:06,461 --> 00:23:08,581
What is an island is surrounded by?
Dylan!
681
00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:10,181
We're not fucking five, Vin.
682
00:23:10,221 --> 00:23:11,581
Oh w-water?
Oh.
683
00:23:11,621 --> 00:23:13,901
Correct!
You're fucking spot on, clever lad!
684
00:23:13,941 --> 00:23:15,941
Right now, off this island,
685
00:23:15,981 --> 00:23:17,261
there's another island.
686
00:23:17,301 --> 00:23:18,541
Voila!
687
00:23:18,581 --> 00:23:20,541
Douglas.
Capital of the Isle of Man.
688
00:23:20,581 --> 00:23:22,661
That's right, Dyldo!
And THAT...
689
00:23:22,701 --> 00:23:24,621
That's where we'll be sailing to.
690
00:23:24,661 --> 00:23:26,261
Are you fucking joking?
Hang about...
691
00:23:26,301 --> 00:23:27,581
Why the Isle of Man?
692
00:23:27,621 --> 00:23:29,581
Well, I'm glad you asked.
It's a fuckin' good question.
693
00:23:29,621 --> 00:23:32,301
The Isle of Man, has a MASSIVE
boating community.
694
00:23:32,341 --> 00:23:33,981
Right? This is what I think.
695
00:23:34,021 --> 00:23:35,661
We do our sea burial with Gideon,
696
00:23:35,701 --> 00:23:37,261
we sell that boat,
697
00:23:37,301 --> 00:23:38,701
and we just tell Dan
698
00:23:38,741 --> 00:23:40,621
that we sunk it all the way
699
00:23:40,661 --> 00:23:42,621
to the bottom of the bloody ocean.
Someone's gonna drown.
700
00:23:42,661 --> 00:23:43,781
100 percent.
How do we get back?
701
00:23:43,821 --> 00:23:45,901
You're gonna love it.
It's a win-win situation.
702
00:23:45,941 --> 00:23:47,861
The ferry.
Ah, go on!
703
00:23:47,901 --> 00:23:50,461
Oh yeah.
Unbelievable. Genius, man. Genius.
704
00:23:50,501 --> 00:23:52,461
Fuck, Dylan! What the fuck
is wrong with that plan?!
705
00:23:52,501 --> 00:23:53,741
Well, let me think... Uh...
706
00:23:53,781 --> 00:23:55,981
None of us can sail a fucking boat.
707
00:23:56,021 --> 00:23:57,021
He can.
708
00:23:57,941 --> 00:24:00,701
For fishing, yes.
Not across the fucking Irish Sea!
709
00:24:00,741 --> 00:24:02,181
What's the difference?
710
00:24:02,221 --> 00:24:04,221
Well, tides, currents,
bloody hidden rocks!
711
00:24:04,261 --> 00:24:06,301
We're gonna need like GPS,
tidal maps-
712
00:24:06,341 --> 00:24:07,861
JJ... It's a straight line,
713
00:24:07,901 --> 00:24:09,741
it just lists off to the left.
714
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:10,981
I'll sail it.
715
00:24:11,021 --> 00:24:12,341
Oh. Can you sail?
716
00:24:12,381 --> 00:24:14,101
I've dabbled mate, in me youth.
717
00:24:14,141 --> 00:24:15,701
Forward, reverse, like a car int'it?
718
00:24:15,741 --> 00:24:17,101
Except on water.
719
00:24:17,141 --> 00:24:19,541
Can I just say, yeah,
tidal navigation requires practice,
720
00:24:19,581 --> 00:24:20,621
and fucking experience.
721
00:24:20,661 --> 00:24:22,221
You can't sail, you cunt-
722
00:24:22,261 --> 00:24:23,741
Skipton reservoir.
723
00:24:23,781 --> 00:24:24,861
Yeah?
Yeah!
724
00:24:25,901 --> 00:24:27,541
Well that'll do won't it?
I mean, it's, you know,
725
00:24:27,581 --> 00:24:28,581
a couple of fingers that -
726
00:24:28,621 --> 00:24:30,461
Can I come? On the boat trip?
727
00:24:30,501 --> 00:24:31,701
Oh, well...
728
00:24:33,341 --> 00:24:34,741
You might have to ask your mam.
729
00:24:34,781 --> 00:24:36,261
Yeah!
That was a shit idea.
730
00:24:36,301 --> 00:24:37,501
As long as I can come.
731
00:24:37,541 --> 00:24:38,941
Listen, Erin I don't know whether...
732
00:24:38,981 --> 00:24:40,861
Sug?
No, absolutely not.
733
00:24:40,901 --> 00:24:42,341
What could possibly go wrong?
734
00:24:45,821 --> 00:24:48,061
Dude, we shouldn't be doing this
- in broad daylight!
- Oh shit.
735
00:24:48,101 --> 00:24:49,341
These fishing rods...
736
00:24:49,381 --> 00:24:50,861
Phew!
737
00:24:50,901 --> 00:24:53,061
Cumbersome...
Bloody help I can't wait-
738
00:24:53,101 --> 00:24:54,501
Jesus wept...
Dude.
739
00:24:54,541 --> 00:24:56,221
Can you believe
we've had to dig her up?
740
00:24:56,261 --> 00:24:57,501
Huh?
Two bodies in one week.
741
00:24:57,541 --> 00:24:58,621
I've pulled my groin!
742
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:00,981
Just hurry up, for Christ sake!
743
00:25:01,021 --> 00:25:03,261
Oi, stop being grumpy!
We're comin' as fast as we can!
744
00:25:03,301 --> 00:25:05,501
Yeah, you bellend. Why don't you
give us a hand, you lazy bastard?
745
00:25:05,541 --> 00:25:07,421
In the fishing community,
this is bloody frowned upon.
746
00:25:07,461 --> 00:25:09,701
They don't even LIKE humans down
there! They get eaten to the bone!
747
00:25:09,741 --> 00:25:11,821
His mum's gonna turn up
in a bloody Lobster Thermidor!
748
00:25:11,861 --> 00:25:13,461
Shhhh!
Lobster Thermidor?!
749
00:25:13,501 --> 00:25:14,581
Shit...
Oi!
750
00:25:14,621 --> 00:25:15,701
They suck your eyes out first.
751
00:25:15,741 --> 00:25:16,901
Dude, what the fuck...?!
752
00:25:16,941 --> 00:25:18,741
Right, now we've done
everything she asked for
753
00:25:18,781 --> 00:25:19,821
on that list, haven't we?
754
00:25:19,861 --> 00:25:21,541
This is what she wanted Gid...
755
00:25:21,581 --> 00:25:24,461
Yeah, but I don't like the thought
of her down there, being...
756
00:25:24,501 --> 00:25:25,901
..eaten by the fishes...
757
00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:27,901
You know, honestly, her soul, Gid,
758
00:25:27,941 --> 00:25:29,141
that's up in heaven now.
759
00:25:29,181 --> 00:25:30,781
This is just a...
760
00:25:30,821 --> 00:25:32,021
..shell.
Oh, so...
761
00:25:32,061 --> 00:25:34,021
That's just like a... a vessel.
762
00:25:34,061 --> 00:25:36,021
She's like a vessel! Eh?
763
00:25:36,061 --> 00:25:37,141
Shall we get her on board?
Yes.
764
00:25:37,181 --> 00:25:39,021
Let's get her on board! Come on.
765
00:25:39,061 --> 00:25:40,461
JJ, get underneath, JJ...
766
00:25:40,501 --> 00:25:42,061
With dignity now. With dignity.
767
00:25:42,101 --> 00:25:43,461
Careful now, boys...
768
00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:45,421
Oh fuck!
Oh, my god!
769
00:25:46,781 --> 00:25:48,541
What the fuck are you playing at?
770
00:25:48,581 --> 00:25:50,901
What if they check the boat
at the Isle of Man?
771
00:25:50,941 --> 00:25:52,741
Why would they
check the boat Ashley?
772
00:25:52,781 --> 00:25:55,141
In case there are dickheads
smuggling drugs?
773
00:25:55,181 --> 00:25:56,621
You should have told Vinnie
about this.
774
00:25:56,661 --> 00:25:57,941
Yeah well, I couldn't tell Vinnie
775
00:25:57,981 --> 00:26:00,141
because he's brought
a CHILD on board.
776
00:26:00,181 --> 00:26:02,421
Yeah, and you knew
he was bringing Tyler.
777
00:26:02,461 --> 00:26:03,701
Why did you bring the drugs
anyway?
778
00:26:03,741 --> 00:26:04,941
Because I had it all worked out.
779
00:26:04,981 --> 00:26:06,541
In my fucking head.
780
00:26:06,581 --> 00:26:08,261
Listen. Listen. Listen, right.
781
00:26:08,301 --> 00:26:09,821
I've got a contact on the Isle.
782
00:26:09,861 --> 00:26:12,701
One Sniffy Jones, not his real name,
he is a mate of Gary's. Anyway...
783
00:26:12,741 --> 00:26:15,061
He runs hen-dos, stag-dos
and God knows what the fuck else,
784
00:26:15,101 --> 00:26:16,781
so I can shift some of these,
785
00:26:16,821 --> 00:26:18,141
get a little bit of cash,
786
00:26:18,181 --> 00:26:20,061
pay off them strippers
and maybe, just maybe,
787
00:26:20,101 --> 00:26:21,621
keep a bit to one side for meself.
788
00:26:21,661 --> 00:26:22,861
I don't like this Tommo.
789
00:26:22,901 --> 00:26:23,901
I don't like it a bit.
790
00:26:23,941 --> 00:26:26,181
Look... Ashley.
791
00:26:26,221 --> 00:26:28,661
We'll get to the other side, right?
792
00:26:28,701 --> 00:26:31,421
I'll pop off for an hour max,
job done.
793
00:26:31,461 --> 00:26:33,421
No one will be any the wiser.
794
00:26:34,621 --> 00:26:35,941
Will they?
795
00:26:36,781 --> 00:26:38,701
Oh...
796
00:26:38,741 --> 00:26:40,741
Oh yeah, yeah it's happening now.
797
00:26:40,781 --> 00:26:43,061
The laxatives are working. Go on,
I'm gonna shit myself. Hurry up.
798
00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:45,101
We really didn't think this plan
through...
799
00:26:45,141 --> 00:26:47,261
Tyler, you be careful there you!
800
00:26:47,301 --> 00:26:48,981
Oh, its so wobbly!
801
00:26:49,021 --> 00:26:50,901
Is it gonna be like this
all the way?
802
00:26:50,941 --> 00:26:52,101
We haven't even left yet.
803
00:26:52,141 --> 00:26:53,461
We're still tied up, Giddy, love.
804
00:26:53,501 --> 00:26:55,701
Vinnie, I've got no sea legs.
I'm gonna be sick.
805
00:26:55,741 --> 00:26:57,261
Are you bloody hell gonna be sick.
806
00:26:57,301 --> 00:26:58,581
Oh, I am. I feel awful.
807
00:26:58,621 --> 00:27:00,101
If you stand on one leg
808
00:27:00,141 --> 00:27:01,381
and touch your nose,
809
00:27:01,421 --> 00:27:02,421
you can't be sick.
810
00:27:02,461 --> 00:27:04,501
Really? Is that true?
811
00:27:04,541 --> 00:27:05,741
That's a thing.
Yeah.
812
00:27:05,781 --> 00:27:06,781
Try it.
813
00:27:06,821 --> 00:27:08,541
I'll try it.
814
00:27:08,581 --> 00:27:09,981
Okay...
815
00:27:10,021 --> 00:27:11,021
Ooh...
816
00:27:12,461 --> 00:27:14,101
Oooh!
817
00:27:14,141 --> 00:27:16,221
Hey, it's working.
There you are!
818
00:27:16,261 --> 00:27:17,381
Oh!
819
00:27:17,421 --> 00:27:19,381
This sickness has left me...
820
00:27:21,061 --> 00:27:22,301
Gideon, man!
821
00:27:23,381 --> 00:27:25,901
Christ, why is it so yellow?!
822
00:27:25,941 --> 00:27:27,701
I had battered sausage
with curry sauce...
823
00:27:29,981 --> 00:27:31,661
Hurry up, will you?!
824
00:27:31,701 --> 00:27:34,101
Hurry up?! Do you think I'm fuckin'
wanting to be down here,
825
00:27:34,141 --> 00:27:35,181
fishing through shit?!
826
00:27:35,221 --> 00:27:36,581
Vinnie, I feel awful!
827
00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:38,581
I know, sweetheart.
I feel like it's gonna last forever!
828
00:27:38,621 --> 00:27:40,501
It's not gonna last forever.
829
00:27:40,541 --> 00:27:42,621
Let's get you in this toilet here...
Yes, please!
830
00:27:44,301 --> 00:27:45,581
Is there someone in there?
831
00:27:45,621 --> 00:27:46,781
We're busy!
832
00:27:46,821 --> 00:27:48,181
The key best be here, man.
Guys listen!
833
00:27:48,221 --> 00:27:49,901
No, no, no, no.
We have got a situation!
834
00:27:49,941 --> 00:27:51,701
Gideon's throwing up in the sink!
835
00:27:51,741 --> 00:27:54,341
Oh, we have got a situation as well!
836
00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:55,901
Would you believe?
Fuck.
837
00:27:55,941 --> 00:27:59,141
I've got a fucking situation
too, dude!
838
00:28:00,221 --> 00:28:01,221
Dig through it!
839
00:28:01,261 --> 00:28:02,381
Dig through it?!
Dig through it!
840
00:28:02,421 --> 00:28:04,301
Dig through it?!
What do you think I'm fucking doing?
841
00:28:04,341 --> 00:28:06,301
I'm digging through it.
You're not digging THROUGH it!
842
00:28:06,341 --> 00:28:07,821
You're just going in and out.
843
00:28:07,861 --> 00:28:09,301
What are they doing in there?
I dunno.
844
00:28:09,341 --> 00:28:11,341
What are you fucking doing in there?
What are they doing?!
845
00:28:11,381 --> 00:28:13,461
I don't know dude.
It looks fucking ridiculous.
846
00:28:13,501 --> 00:28:14,501
I'm coming in!
847
00:28:14,541 --> 00:28:16,701
No! Do not fucking come in!
Do not come in here!
848
00:28:16,741 --> 00:28:18,061
Do not!
849
00:28:18,101 --> 00:28:19,981
Woah! Eugh!
Ah! Don't come in!
850
00:28:20,021 --> 00:28:22,061
Don't! Don't fuckin' come in here!
851
00:28:23,381 --> 00:28:24,741
Vinnie!
852
00:28:24,781 --> 00:28:25,781
Right!
853
00:28:25,821 --> 00:28:27,101
Are we ready to set sail?
854
00:28:28,141 --> 00:28:29,941
Yeah, yeah...
855
00:28:31,781 --> 00:28:32,901
Right, JJ, dude.
856
00:28:32,941 --> 00:28:35,101
We really need to make sure we're
hugging that coastline.
857
00:28:35,141 --> 00:28:37,421
- Right.
- If we follow the coastline...
Sorry darling.
858
00:28:37,461 --> 00:28:38,741
..all the way to Barrow,
859
00:28:38,781 --> 00:28:41,021
there's less chance of
veering wildly off course.
860
00:28:41,061 --> 00:28:43,261
Then we can just
hop across to the Isle.
861
00:28:43,301 --> 00:28:44,901
And dude, watch out for sandbanks.
862
00:28:46,661 --> 00:28:48,861
Don't look at me.
Literally, stare over there.
863
00:29:13,621 --> 00:29:14,621
Alright?
864
00:29:14,661 --> 00:29:17,061
Alright, gorgeous girl?
865
00:29:17,101 --> 00:29:18,901
It's nice in't it?
It's lovely, yeah...
866
00:29:20,661 --> 00:29:21,861
Do you know what it reminds me of?
867
00:29:21,901 --> 00:29:23,301
What?
868
00:29:23,341 --> 00:29:25,381
Titanic...
Mmm!
869
00:29:25,421 --> 00:29:26,861
It is a bit Titanic.
870
00:29:28,301 --> 00:29:29,581
Do you want to do it?
Yeah.
871
00:29:29,621 --> 00:29:31,381
Yes?
Yes, I want to do Titanic.
872
00:29:31,421 --> 00:29:33,101
Alright.
873
00:29:33,141 --> 00:29:34,181
Do you trust me?
Yeah.
874
00:29:34,221 --> 00:29:36,901
Well, not really. 65 percent.
875
00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:38,421
Right, OK, now put your arms out.
876
00:29:38,461 --> 00:29:40,101
Alright.
877
00:29:40,141 --> 00:29:41,701
Close your eyes.
OK...
878
00:29:43,221 --> 00:29:44,701
Right, now...
879
00:29:46,181 --> 00:29:47,621
Right, open them.
880
00:29:49,661 --> 00:29:51,261
It's quite nice in't it?!
881
00:29:52,181 --> 00:29:53,861
It's like we're flying isn't it?!
882
00:30:00,061 --> 00:30:01,261
Christ, you're so beautiful...
883
00:30:01,301 --> 00:30:02,301
Ah!
884
00:30:02,341 --> 00:30:04,861
Shit! Oh my god!
885
00:30:04,901 --> 00:30:06,181
JJ I warned you!
886
00:30:06,221 --> 00:30:07,301
What going on?
887
00:30:07,341 --> 00:30:08,861
I think we hit the sandbank!
888
00:30:08,901 --> 00:30:11,301
Vinnie! Vinnie!
889
00:30:11,341 --> 00:30:12,581
Erin!
890
00:30:12,621 --> 00:30:13,621
Man...
891
00:30:13,661 --> 00:30:16,181
I'm adjusting that...
percentage by...
892
00:30:16,221 --> 00:30:17,901
..sixty percent, dude!
893
00:30:17,941 --> 00:30:20,341
Chuck me the fucking ring!
894
00:30:20,381 --> 00:30:22,341
Dickhead!
What fuckin' use is that?!
895
00:30:22,381 --> 00:30:23,861
See you in Antarctica, love!
896
00:30:27,541 --> 00:30:29,501
I'm coming round, I'm coming round!
Hang on!
897
00:30:40,701 --> 00:30:42,261
It's bloody freezing!
898
00:30:45,701 --> 00:30:46,781
Vin...
899
00:30:46,821 --> 00:30:48,181
Yeah?
900
00:30:48,221 --> 00:30:49,341
I've summat to tell you...
901
00:30:49,381 --> 00:30:50,421
Oh yeah...?
902
00:30:51,541 --> 00:30:53,101
It's about the Rat and Cutter.
903
00:30:54,341 --> 00:30:55,901
What about the Rat and Cutter?
904
00:30:55,941 --> 00:30:57,101
I'm the new owner.
905
00:30:59,141 --> 00:31:00,981
How does that work?
906
00:31:01,021 --> 00:31:02,541
I got some money to set it up.
907
00:31:03,741 --> 00:31:05,981
Like, do proper nights.
908
00:31:06,021 --> 00:31:07,861
Not just about women shaking
their tits about.
909
00:31:07,901 --> 00:31:09,381
I mean like a different vibe,
- you know?
- Hmm.
910
00:31:09,421 --> 00:31:11,301
Where have you got the money from?
911
00:31:11,341 --> 00:31:13,101
I mean, it sounds dodgy.
It's not dodgy.
912
00:31:13,141 --> 00:31:14,501
I got- I loaned it.
913
00:31:15,341 --> 00:31:16,501
I borrowed it from some-
914
00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:18,461
Yeah, I borrowed it.
- You got a loan?
- Yes.
915
00:31:18,501 --> 00:31:20,181
I got a loan.
Well, where from?
916
00:31:21,301 --> 00:31:22,341
The bank.
917
00:31:23,221 --> 00:31:24,221
The bank?
Yes!
918
00:31:24,261 --> 00:31:25,541
I got a loan from the bank...
919
00:31:25,581 --> 00:31:27,941
..to... get it reopened, yeah.
920
00:31:27,981 --> 00:31:29,821
The bank gave you a loan?
Yes.
921
00:31:32,101 --> 00:31:33,101
Where-
Vin!
922
00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:35,341
Where does Tommo fit in,
tell me that?
923
00:31:35,381 --> 00:31:36,821
He is Co-Assistant Manager.
924
00:31:39,181 --> 00:31:41,101
Oh, fuck, he's gonna lose his shit.
925
00:31:41,141 --> 00:31:42,701
I know.
926
00:31:42,741 --> 00:31:44,421
Vin look, it's a means to an end.
927
00:31:44,461 --> 00:31:45,581
You know?
928
00:31:45,621 --> 00:31:47,941
So I can get money together,
so I can start making some plans.
929
00:31:47,981 --> 00:31:49,621
Like, I did it at college didn't I?
Mhmm.
930
00:31:49,661 --> 00:31:51,461
Business, Hospitality and all that.
931
00:31:51,501 --> 00:31:52,501
I know.
I'm good at it.
932
00:31:52,541 --> 00:31:53,541
I know...
933
00:31:54,781 --> 00:31:56,261
Are you telling me porky pies?
934
00:31:57,541 --> 00:32:00,701
- No.
- I hope you're not
telling me any porkies...
935
00:32:00,741 --> 00:32:02,421
Vin, I'm not lying.
936
00:32:05,261 --> 00:32:07,021
I just love you and that boy.
937
00:32:08,101 --> 00:32:10,341
I just don't want anything
happening to you, ever.
938
00:32:10,381 --> 00:32:11,421
Do you understand me?
939
00:32:12,781 --> 00:32:14,301
Hmm?
940
00:32:14,341 --> 00:32:15,381
Yeah.
941
00:32:25,901 --> 00:32:27,141
Fuck!
942
00:32:28,381 --> 00:32:30,581
What the FUCK?!
943
00:32:36,261 --> 00:32:37,501
For FUCK'S sake!
944
00:32:40,661 --> 00:32:42,341
Huh... Dog bummers.
945
00:32:42,381 --> 00:32:44,381
Huh! Warrant to search the premises.
946
00:32:44,421 --> 00:32:45,461
Out the fucking way!
947
00:32:45,501 --> 00:32:46,981
Don't touch me!
A coffin's gone missing...
948
00:32:47,021 --> 00:32:48,181
You creep!
949
00:33:01,741 --> 00:33:04,421
Violating a grave, Gary.
950
00:33:04,461 --> 00:33:05,901
Undertaker.
951
00:33:07,661 --> 00:33:09,261
Imagine the reaction!
952
00:33:10,301 --> 00:33:12,261
You'll be Britain's Most Hated Man.
953
00:33:12,301 --> 00:33:13,901
What do you think, Hoskins?
954
00:33:13,941 --> 00:33:16,621
Uh, criminal record, career over...
955
00:33:16,661 --> 00:33:18,101
Yeah, you might be right.
956
00:33:18,901 --> 00:33:20,261
Unless...
957
00:33:21,421 --> 00:33:22,741
Unless what?
958
00:33:22,781 --> 00:33:24,301
Well, I'm just thinking aloud sir,
959
00:33:24,341 --> 00:33:26,941
but sometimes things can, uh...
960
00:33:26,981 --> 00:33:28,661
..go away.
961
00:33:28,701 --> 00:33:30,021
Go away?
962
00:33:30,061 --> 00:33:31,621
And how would it just...
963
00:33:31,661 --> 00:33:33,181
..go away?
964
00:33:33,221 --> 00:33:35,901
Well, perhaps he's not
the real perpetrator?
965
00:33:35,941 --> 00:33:37,741
Perhaps there were
other people involved...
966
00:33:37,781 --> 00:33:39,061
You want me to rat?
967
00:33:39,101 --> 00:33:41,541
I want you to tell me...
968
00:33:41,581 --> 00:33:43,101
..where O'Neil fits in...
969
00:33:43,141 --> 00:33:44,381
..and where he is now.
970
00:33:53,781 --> 00:33:55,461
Alright, so where are we now then?
971
00:33:55,501 --> 00:33:56,741
Do you want to tell him?
Where is it?
972
00:33:56,781 --> 00:33:57,781
There!
973
00:33:57,821 --> 00:33:58,821
Oooh!
974
00:33:58,861 --> 00:33:59,861
Good lad.
975
00:33:59,901 --> 00:34:01,701
it's going quite well innit, eh?
976
00:34:01,741 --> 00:34:02,741
Not bad.
977
00:34:02,781 --> 00:34:05,381
Oh ye of little faith.
978
00:34:08,701 --> 00:34:10,141
Vin, no! It's not what it-
979
00:34:10,181 --> 00:34:11,341
It wasn't us! Vin!
Let me explain-
980
00:34:11,381 --> 00:34:12,661
It wasn't us!
Get the fuck outside!
981
00:34:12,701 --> 00:34:14,821
- Get off me!
- No, no, Vinnie!
You fucking mug.
982
00:34:14,861 --> 00:34:15,941
What the fuck?!
Dude!
983
00:34:15,981 --> 00:34:17,661
Dude, don't hit me!
They're Tommo's, man.
984
00:34:17,701 --> 00:34:19,661
- Why-?!
- We didn't know, alright,
until it was too late.
985
00:34:19,701 --> 00:34:21,301
Why the fuck has he brought them?
986
00:34:21,341 --> 00:34:22,541
To sell them to Sniffy Jones,
987
00:34:22,581 --> 00:34:24,261
to pay the strippers!
It was nothing to do with us.
988
00:34:24,301 --> 00:34:26,221
I told him it was a bad idea, Vin.
989
00:34:26,261 --> 00:34:28,741
Oi! Dickhead!
990
00:34:28,781 --> 00:34:30,221
Vinnie! VINNIE! I can explain!
991
00:34:30,261 --> 00:34:31,901
I don't want your explanations.
992
00:34:31,941 --> 00:34:34,141
There is a little lad onboard.
Why didn't you tell me about that?
993
00:34:34,181 --> 00:34:35,941
I-I KNEW you'd disapprove, you see!
994
00:34:35,981 --> 00:34:37,461
What, so you just
fucking did it anyway?
995
00:34:37,501 --> 00:34:39,141
Vinnie! Vinnie! I am fucked, right?
996
00:34:39,181 --> 00:34:40,581
I'm getting heat
left, right and centre!
997
00:34:40,621 --> 00:34:42,621
Have you ever dealt with financially
disgruntled women?!
998
00:34:42,661 --> 00:34:44,301
I just fucking can't believe
you've done-
999
00:34:44,341 --> 00:34:46,341
Get off me!
1000
00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:54,061
Stop... Stop it!
1001
00:34:54,101 --> 00:34:56,341
That's thousands of pills, right?!
1002
00:34:56,381 --> 00:34:57,461
Thousands of 'em!
1003
00:34:59,621 --> 00:35:00,621
If we get caught with them,
1004
00:35:00,661 --> 00:35:02,061
that's YEARS in the pen.
1005
00:35:02,101 --> 00:35:04,621
And Carl Slater will make
fucking damn sure of that, won't he?
1006
00:35:04,661 --> 00:35:06,221
Now listen, Tom.
1007
00:35:06,261 --> 00:35:08,261
They are gonna have to go overboard.
No, no, Vinnie!
1008
00:35:08,301 --> 00:35:09,581
Vinnie. Vinnie. Listen to me.
1009
00:35:09,621 --> 00:35:11,461
Listen to me right-
1010
00:35:11,501 --> 00:35:12,941
Fucking little bastard!
1011
00:35:14,061 --> 00:35:16,501
Come here, shithead.
Come here, you little bastard!
1012
00:35:16,541 --> 00:35:18,141
Oh, shit!
1013
00:35:18,181 --> 00:35:20,101
Where have you fucking hidden them?
1014
00:35:20,141 --> 00:35:21,421
Stop fucking about!
1015
00:35:21,461 --> 00:35:23,501
I'll put you through
the fucking wall!
1016
00:35:23,541 --> 00:35:25,741
Where are they?
Vin, I can't fucking do it!
1017
00:35:25,781 --> 00:35:27,581
Get off me, you cunt!
1018
00:35:30,381 --> 00:35:31,741
Come here...
Get off me!
1019
00:35:32,941 --> 00:35:34,581
I'm not fucking about!
1020
00:35:34,621 --> 00:35:35,781
SHIT!
1021
00:35:35,821 --> 00:35:37,581
Look what you've made me do,
you dickhead!
1022
00:35:37,621 --> 00:35:39,061
Listen to me. You don't understand.
1023
00:35:39,101 --> 00:35:41,221
Me little lad's
on this fucking boat, Tommy!
1024
00:35:43,261 --> 00:35:44,261
Your lad?
1025
00:35:44,301 --> 00:35:46,981
Yeah, he's fuckin' mine! Alright?
1026
00:35:47,021 --> 00:35:48,861
And his dad's not going back in jail
1027
00:35:48,901 --> 00:35:50,621
for love nor fucking money.
1028
00:35:50,661 --> 00:35:52,261
Never mind a load of pills!
1029
00:35:58,861 --> 00:36:00,101
You're my dad?
1030
00:36:04,341 --> 00:36:05,501
Yeah.
1031
00:36:06,421 --> 00:36:07,741
Yeah, I am, yeah.
1032
00:36:07,781 --> 00:36:09,981
I mean it wasn't meant
to come out like that...
1033
00:36:11,141 --> 00:36:13,301
But yeah, I am. I'm your real daddy.
1034
00:36:16,021 --> 00:36:17,341
Mum?
1035
00:36:18,701 --> 00:36:20,141
Um... OK...
1036
00:36:21,301 --> 00:36:23,461
Right, the reason why
we didn't tell you...
1037
00:36:24,621 --> 00:36:26,701
..is because Mummy...
1038
00:36:26,741 --> 00:36:29,261
..was with Dylan, OK?
1039
00:36:29,301 --> 00:36:31,021
And-And Dylan...
1040
00:36:31,061 --> 00:36:32,821
..wanted to be your daddy as well.
1041
00:36:35,821 --> 00:36:37,621
Come here a sec. Listen.
1042
00:36:37,661 --> 00:36:39,181
Just listen to me a minute.
1043
00:36:43,501 --> 00:36:45,261
Sometimes...
1044
00:36:45,301 --> 00:36:47,981
..grown-ups get things really wrong.
1045
00:36:48,021 --> 00:36:49,381
Y'know?
1046
00:36:51,101 --> 00:36:53,581
And for the longest time
I just didn't know-
1047
00:36:53,621 --> 00:36:55,381
I didn't know I was your daddy.
1048
00:36:57,061 --> 00:36:58,741
But now I do know.
1049
00:37:00,341 --> 00:37:01,941
And you are the best thing
1050
00:37:01,981 --> 00:37:03,701
that's ever happened to me
1051
00:37:03,741 --> 00:37:05,701
in my entire life.
1052
00:37:08,581 --> 00:37:10,101
Can I have a squeeze?
1053
00:37:19,861 --> 00:37:21,661
I love my boy.
1054
00:37:27,821 --> 00:37:29,941
Shall we go and sail the boat?
1055
00:37:29,981 --> 00:37:30,981
Yeah?!
1056
00:37:31,021 --> 00:37:32,021
Come on, sausage.
1057
00:37:32,061 --> 00:37:33,261
Come with me, buddy.
1058
00:37:36,021 --> 00:37:38,181
Can you see any whales?
1059
00:37:38,981 --> 00:37:39,981
No...
1060
00:37:40,021 --> 00:37:42,381
Can you see any dolphins?
1061
00:37:42,421 --> 00:37:43,701
Can I have a kiss?
1062
00:37:43,741 --> 00:37:44,861
Nom nom nom. Mwah!
1063
00:37:46,341 --> 00:37:47,541
I tell you what Tyler,
1064
00:37:47,581 --> 00:37:49,661
you are doing such a good job!
1065
00:37:49,701 --> 00:37:51,261
Woah! Straight, straight, straight!
1066
00:37:51,301 --> 00:37:52,821
Woah!
1067
00:37:55,141 --> 00:37:57,661
♪ From the top of my head
1068
00:37:57,701 --> 00:38:02,661
♪ Down to the tips
# of the toes on my feet
1069
00:38:02,701 --> 00:38:05,661
♪ So go ahead and love me
1070
00:38:05,701 --> 00:38:08,221
♪ While it's still a crime
1071
00:38:08,261 --> 00:38:11,821
♪ Don't forget you could be laughing
1072
00:38:11,861 --> 00:38:16,221
♪ Sixty-five percent
# more of the time
1073
00:38:16,261 --> 00:38:22,101
♪ You could be laughing sixty-five #
percent of the time ♪
1074
00:38:22,141 --> 00:38:23,381
God help me.
1075
00:38:24,781 --> 00:38:27,181
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
1076
00:38:27,221 --> 00:38:30,101
I am not there, I do not sleep.
1077
00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:32,021
I am a thousand winds that blow,
1078
00:38:32,061 --> 00:38:34,221
I am the diamond glints on the snow.
1079
00:38:36,261 --> 00:38:38,781
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
1080
00:38:38,821 --> 00:38:40,141
I am the gentle Autumn rain...
1081
00:38:40,181 --> 00:38:41,181
It's the fucking cops.
1082
00:38:41,221 --> 00:38:43,981
Hey! It's the fucking cops!
1083
00:38:44,021 --> 00:38:46,101
I am the.. What?!
Eh?!
1084
00:38:46,141 --> 00:38:47,421
Shit!
1085
00:38:47,461 --> 00:38:48,781
The police?
1086
00:38:48,821 --> 00:38:51,101
Well, we've done nowt wrong. We've
nothing to worry about, have we?
1087
00:38:51,141 --> 00:38:52,981
Do we need a permit
to bury her?!
1088
00:38:53,021 --> 00:38:54,141
What- what- what-
1089
00:38:54,181 --> 00:38:56,501
What if we've crossed a border?!
What if they think we're pirates?!
1090
00:38:56,541 --> 00:38:58,341
Giddy. Calm down.
What if they make us walk the plank?
1091
00:38:58,381 --> 00:39:00,181
I've got my best shoes on!
Gideon, stop it!
1092
00:39:00,221 --> 00:39:01,221
Calm down.
1093
00:39:01,261 --> 00:39:02,261
What's happening?
1094
00:39:02,301 --> 00:39:04,581
Nothing, nothing! We're fine, OK?
We're fine, we're fine.
1095
00:39:04,621 --> 00:39:06,341
Tommy!
1096
00:39:06,381 --> 00:39:07,701
Tommy. Hey!
1097
00:39:07,741 --> 00:39:09,021
The fucking sea police
are out there!
1098
00:39:09,061 --> 00:39:10,061
We've gotta throw 'em over
1099
00:39:10,101 --> 00:39:11,581
or we're gonna get
fucking banged up, man!
1100
00:39:11,621 --> 00:39:13,221
What if they float?!
Shit.
1101
00:39:13,261 --> 00:39:15,581
Ah! Shit, this is bad,
this is really fuckin' bad!
1102
00:39:15,621 --> 00:39:16,821
Just give them to me.
1103
00:39:16,861 --> 00:39:18,461
I'll do it on the sly.
Just fucking hurry up man!
1104
00:39:18,501 --> 00:39:19,501
Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie...
1105
00:39:19,541 --> 00:39:21,021
If they're outside and they film it
1106
00:39:21,061 --> 00:39:23,501
and they catch you doing that,
that's you in the shit.
1107
00:39:23,541 --> 00:39:25,381
If anyone is going down for this,
it's me.
1108
00:39:26,221 --> 00:39:27,581
Hang on. Hang on.
What?
1109
00:39:27,621 --> 00:39:29,301
I've got it.
1110
00:39:29,341 --> 00:39:30,701
She is still up there...
Mmhmm.
1111
00:39:30,741 --> 00:39:32,101
The mother, she hasn't gone in yet.
1112
00:39:32,141 --> 00:39:33,861
Hmm.
1113
00:39:33,901 --> 00:39:36,421
Get out. Fuck, I'll do Gideon.
1114
00:39:39,861 --> 00:39:41,141
Oh here's Vinnie.
1115
00:39:41,181 --> 00:39:42,421
Come here, sweetheart.
1116
00:39:42,461 --> 00:39:44,141
Are you okay?
I'm alright. I was just...
1117
00:39:44,181 --> 00:39:45,661
Cover me so they can't see
what I'm doing.
1118
00:39:45,701 --> 00:39:47,621
I know, yeah... Yeah. I know that.
1119
00:39:47,661 --> 00:39:49,261
So, um, listen to me.
1120
00:39:49,301 --> 00:39:52,061
It's just like that poem said,
innit, you know...
1121
00:39:52,101 --> 00:39:55,301
Do not stand by my graveside
and cry,
1122
00:39:55,341 --> 00:39:57,541
for I was not there...
There we go love!
1123
00:39:57,581 --> 00:39:59,101
Think of it as one last high.
1124
00:39:59,141 --> 00:40:01,461
She did die though, didn't she,
- Vinnie?
- Well, yes, physically.
1125
00:40:01,501 --> 00:40:03,501
She was cold, stiff as a board!
1126
00:40:03,541 --> 00:40:04,901
Dude, it's poem talk.
1127
00:40:04,941 --> 00:40:06,341
She is in there.
1128
00:40:06,381 --> 00:40:07,741
Shall we sit you down?
1129
00:40:07,781 --> 00:40:10,221
Maybe say a few words?
- OK.
- Alright, sweetheart.
1130
00:40:10,261 --> 00:40:12,261
Do not throw anything from the boat!
1131
00:40:12,301 --> 00:40:13,301
Fuck!
1132
00:40:13,341 --> 00:40:15,341
Bye, Mum.
1133
00:40:15,381 --> 00:40:18,541
You were the best mother
a son could ever have.
1134
00:40:18,581 --> 00:40:20,381
You were always there for me,
1135
00:40:20,421 --> 00:40:22,421
through good times and bad.
1136
00:40:22,461 --> 00:40:25,781
Like when Martin McCulloch
used to pick on me,
1137
00:40:25,821 --> 00:40:27,821
and I'd come home crying.
1138
00:40:27,861 --> 00:40:29,621
You'd wipe me tears...
1139
00:40:29,661 --> 00:40:31,821
Turn off your engines!
..and make me crumpets,
1140
00:40:31,861 --> 00:40:33,541
..with honey on them...
1141
00:40:33,581 --> 00:40:36,501
And... IN she goes!
1142
00:40:36,541 --> 00:40:37,661
Oh Mum!
1143
00:40:37,701 --> 00:40:39,381
Goodbyes should be sudden.
1144
00:40:39,421 --> 00:40:40,621
Bye, Mum...
1145
00:40:43,181 --> 00:40:44,821
Should we get arrested?
1146
00:40:44,861 --> 00:40:46,621
Hey, yeah... why not, eh?
1147
00:40:48,661 --> 00:40:51,261
Do not throw anything overboard!
1148
00:40:51,301 --> 00:40:55,781
♪ Cold, cold eyes upon me they stare
1149
00:40:55,821 --> 00:40:58,901
♪ People all around me,
1150
00:40:58,941 --> 00:41:01,621
♪ and they're all in fear... ♪
1151
00:41:01,661 --> 00:41:04,541
Hey, you couldn't release them for
- us, could you?
- No.
1152
00:41:08,221 --> 00:41:10,701
Who's my special little man?
1153
00:41:10,741 --> 00:41:12,941
Me.
Is it you?!
1154
00:41:12,981 --> 00:41:14,221
Listen to me.
1155
00:41:14,261 --> 00:41:16,141
No matter what happens,
1156
00:41:16,181 --> 00:41:18,941
I will never ever leave you.
1157
00:41:18,981 --> 00:41:20,621
Do you hear me?
1158
00:41:20,661 --> 00:41:22,021
Alright?
1159
00:41:24,661 --> 00:41:27,421
Go to sleep. My boy...
1160
00:41:29,581 --> 00:41:31,061
I wish he were my dad.
1161
00:41:32,581 --> 00:41:35,181
♪ Having hard times
1162
00:41:35,221 --> 00:41:37,821
♪ In this crazy town
1163
00:41:37,861 --> 00:41:40,381
♪ Having hard times
1164
00:41:40,421 --> 00:41:43,101
♪ There's no love to be found
1165
00:41:43,141 --> 00:41:45,661
♪ Having hard times
1166
00:41:45,701 --> 00:41:48,301
♪ In this crazy town
1167
00:41:48,341 --> 00:41:50,941
♪ Having hard times
1168
00:41:50,981 --> 00:41:54,181
♪ And no love to be found ♪
1169
00:41:58,301 --> 00:42:02,381
♪ From my party house,
# I feel like meeting others
1170
00:42:02,421 --> 00:42:07,301
♪ Familiar faces, creed and race
# a brother
1171
00:42:07,341 --> 00:42:13,101
♪ But to my surprise
# I find a man corrupt
1172
00:42:13,141 --> 00:42:17,981
♪ Although he be my brother,
# He wants to hold me up
1173
00:42:18,021 --> 00:42:20,781
♪ Having hard times
1174
00:42:20,821 --> 00:42:23,901
♪ In this crazy town
1175
00:42:23,941 --> 00:42:25,141
♪ Having hard times... ♪
1176
00:42:26,621 --> 00:42:27,941
We're on the way.
What's going on?
1177
00:42:27,981 --> 00:42:29,661
Something's happened with Doolan.
1178
00:42:29,701 --> 00:42:31,221
He's been kidnapped.
1179
00:42:31,261 --> 00:42:33,261
You won't let us down Vinnie.
1180
00:42:33,301 --> 00:42:35,341
We are asking you
to save a man's life here!
1181
00:42:36,941 --> 00:42:38,541
We are doing this by the book, boys.
1182
00:42:38,581 --> 00:42:39,821
We're gonna go to them kidnappers.
1183
00:42:39,861 --> 00:42:41,101
Ah, Fuck!
1184
00:42:41,141 --> 00:42:42,861
We're going to drop
that money off, save Doolan,
1185
00:42:42,901 --> 00:42:43,981
be bloody heroes,
1186
00:42:44,021 --> 00:42:46,221
and off we go
to Tyler's birthday party.
1187
00:43:00,261 --> 00:43:01,901
You know when he said Isle of Wight,
1188
00:43:01,941 --> 00:43:03,541
do you think he meant Isle of Man?
1189
00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:07,341
♪ I've got soul control in my mind ♪
1190
00:43:07,381 --> 00:43:08,381
Hey, it's-
I'm alright.
1191
00:43:08,421 --> 00:43:12,221
♪ Soul control in my mind
1192
00:43:12,261 --> 00:43:18,901
♪ Give me the strength to carry on
1193
00:43:18,941 --> 00:43:23,661
♪ 'Cause everything I got
# is just about gone
1194
00:43:23,701 --> 00:43:27,461
♪ And I think about it... ♪
1195
00:43:27,501 --> 00:43:33,501
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