All language subtitles for 25.Pardon.my.glove

ANNOUNCER:
With the stars...

and...

Hi, Alice.

Oh, Hi, Trixie.

Say, Alice, are you sure

you gave me Joe Muncie's
number right?

Yeah, I think so.

There's still no answer.

But I got a hold of everybody
else, and they're all coming.

They'll be here
tomorrow night at 6:00.

Oh, that's wonderful.

I hope you remembered
to tell Bill Casti

not to breathe a word
of this to Ralph at work.

I want this to be one birthday

that's really
a surprise for Ralph.

Oh, you don't have
to worry about Bill.

He told me that
if he had his way,

he wouldn't even tell
his wife about the party.

Oh! Well, now, listen,
to make sure that

it doesn't leak out, Trix,
don't even tell Ed.

- Ed would be sure to tell Ralph.
-Yeah.

Now, I got my shopping list all
made out for tomorrow morning.

I'm gonna serve sandwiches,
ice cream, coffee, punch,

potato chips, peanuts,
chocolate cake

-with "Happy birthday to Ralph"
on it. -Mm-hmm.

Oh, on second thought,
I better make that coconut cake.

Why? Ralph's crazy
about chocolate cake.

That's just it. I bought him
a new belt for his birthday,

-and I want to make sure
it fits the day after. -Oh.

Well, you could always
exchange it for a larger size.

There is no larger size.

If this belt doesn't fit Ralph,
then it's back to safety pins.

Oh, gee, Alice, the boys
will be coming home pretty soon

from the lodge meeting,
so I got to get back upstairs.

But, look, honey,
if there's anything else

you want me to do for you,
just let me know.

All right.
Thanks a million, Trix.

- Okay. Good night, Alice.
-Good night.

(Alice sighs)

Hi, hon.

Come on in, Norton.
She's up.

Yeah.

Say, Alice...

How about a little pizza?

Yeah! How about
a little pizza, Alice?

Oh, no, thanks, Ralph.
I'm going to bed.

Going to bed?

Yeah, and, uh, Ralph doesn't
want any pizza, either.

What do you mean, I don't want
any pizza? I'm hungry!

Ralph, I made you
a very nice salad,

and it's in the icebox.

Now, good night, honey.

Good night, Ed.

Ralph, salad.

Good night.

(door closes)

You, uh... want me
to take this pizza upstairs?

Sort of remove the temptation?

What do you think I am,
a child or something?

That if anything's in front
of me, I got to eat it?

Who needs it? I got a salad.

Not a bad one, either.

Everything on here
is good for you.

Got carrots for your eyes.

Got beets for your blood.

There's lettuce for your teeth.

Everything's good.

Everything's good for something
on this plate.

Poor little pizza!
Ain't good for nothing.

Boy... I'm-I'm telling you,

if pizzas were manhole covers,
the sewer would be a paradise.

Will you stop waving
that thing?!

I thought you said
it didn't bother you.

It doesn't bother me.

You want to eat it?
Go ahead and eat it.

Just don't eat it
and enjoy it so much.

- You want some pizza?
-Yes.

You can't have any.

It's not that I'm selfish, that
I don't want to give you any.

It's not any good
for you, that's all.

I didn't ask you for half
a pizza or a quarter of a pizza

or even an eighth of a pizza.

All I want is
a teensy-weensy little piece

to find out what it tastes like.

Well, all right,

I guess a teensy-weensy
little piece won't hurt.

And what am I gonna do
with that?

What's the matter? Ain't it
enough for you? You want more?

- Here.
-Yes, I want more!

Aah...

Look, if you wanted
a teensy-weensy piece,

why didn't you ask?

This is an itsy-bitsy piece.

This is a teensy-weensy piece.

If you wanted an itsy-bitsy
piece, which is bigger,

then you should have asked.

- This is a teensy-weensy,
this... -Sit down and eat!

- Hey?
-NORTON: What?

What do you make of this?

"Sandwiches, ice cream,
coffee...

cake with 'Happy birthday,
Ralph' on it..."

Hey! Looks like you're gonna
have a birthday party.

- How about that!
-Yeah.

This is a list of the people
that are gonna be invited.

How about that!
She didn't forget my birthday.

- She's even gonna
run me a party. -Yeah!

It's too bad you're not
gonna be here to enjoy it.

What do you mean,
I'm not gonna be here?

You're not invited.
Your name ain't on the list.

How about that?

She's running a surprise party
for me.

I haven't had a surprise party
in my whole life.

Well, it's... it's too bad
you're seeing this, Ralph.

I mean, uh, she went through
a lot of trouble

ordering the groceries and-and
inviting all these people.

You'll probably break her heart.

You don't think for one minute
that I'm gonna let her know

that I know that she's running
a party for me, do you?

I got to make believe
I know nothing about it.

You know, I'll act surprised.
I'll come home tomorrow,

and I'll say, "Oh-ho, whoa!
What a surprise!"

No, no, no, you don't do...
Look, listen to me, will you?

You come home tomorrow night,
you open up the door,

there, in front of you
is a sea of faces.

You're flabbergasted, you get...

you get choked up... you...
right up to here.

Your eyes start
welling up with tears,

you can't talk,
you can't even find your voice,

and then you finally...

Look, let me be you.
I'm coming in the door.

Now, you,
tomorrow night, coming in.

Now watch. Watch, see.

Ah...

(raspy throat clearing)
Oh.

(blubbering)

What a surprise! I...

Will you shut up!

ALICE: What's the noise
out there? What's going on?

It's... Now you woke her up.
It's nothing, Alice.

Nothing at all. Norton was
just showing me something.

Just, uh, just giving him
a little acting lesson,

Alice, when he comes home
tomorrow night...

Shut up!

Nothing! Go to bed, hon.

Shut up and eat your pizza.

Salad?

Now, as for this room, I think
I'll do the walls in green.

Yes, a nice, cool, pale green.

Oh! It sounds wonderful.

Believe me, my dear, when
I finish decorating this place,

it'll be a different apartment.

Now, all that remains is for you
to okay my choice of materials

for the drapes and furniture.
I've got some samples here.

- Uh-huh.
-Hi, Alice. Oh...

- Trix!
-Huh?

The most wonderful thing
has happened.

I'm gonna have
my whole apartment redecorated.

"No!
"Yes!

- Oh!
-This is Andre. -Hello.

He's the interior decorator
from Morgan's Department Store.

And the most wonderful thing
about it is

that it's all gonna be done
for free.

Morgan's Department Store

is gonna do the whole place
for nothing.

Morgan's Department Store
for nothing?!

Yes! I went down
to Morgan's this afternoon,

looking around
for some curtain material.

And I was just
kind of browsing around,

and then Andre came over,
and he started

-to ask me a couple
of questions. -Oh.

And next thing I knew,
he'd offered

to decorate the apartment
for nothing.

Well, you see, it's all part
of an advertising campaign.

Morgan's wants to show what
you can do with a little money

and a bit of ingenuity.

Trix, it's gonna be
in the Sunday papers.

Pictures of this apartment,
before and after.

- But so soon?
-Well, it only takes a day.

They're gonna come in
tomorrow morning,

and they'll all be finished
by tomorrow night.

- Oh. -So, we haven't
much time, my dear.

Will you look at these samples,
please?

Oh, well, do we have
to look at them now?

My husband will be
home any minute.

But surely your husband
will be delighted.

Well, that's just it. I'd like
it to be a surprise for him.

And I hate to ask you this,

but if you don't mind,
could you come back

a little later, say, about 8:00?

'Cause my husband goes
bowling tonight.

Al... Alice, what about
the birthday party tonight?

Oh, well, I canceled that, Trix.
I called everybody up,

-and I said,
"Make it tomorrow night." -Oh.

See, with the apartment
redecorated and all,

it'll really be a surprise
for Ralph.

Ooh!

All right.
I'll be back around 8:00,

and I'll see you then.

Oh, that's wonderful. Thanks.

Oh, may I ask, when was this
apartment was decorated last?

When? Uh... oh, 'rt was
about two years ago

when my nephew came in
with an ice cream cone.

Huh. Uh. Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Oh, Alice, isn't he cute?
And such lovely manners.

Yeah. Oh.

Ed used
to have manners like that.

Well, so did Ralph.

What's happened
to their manners, anyway?

Don't you know? They swapped 'em
for a marriage license.

(chuckling):
Oh.

- Oh, Andre left one
of his gloves. -Oh.

I better hide it
'cause I don't want Ralph

-to know he's been here.
-Yeah. -Yeah.

- Say, Alice...
-Yeah?

I just put a hem
in that new dress of mine,

and I was wondering
if you could come upstairs

and see if I got it straight.

Oh, sure, Trix, I'll be right
up, but I just want to go in

and take these shoes off
'cause they're killing me.

Oh, all right,
well, look, I'll go up

and get into it first, and
you come up in the meantime.

- All right, I'll be right up.
-Okay. -(door shuts )

Oh, what a surprise...!

- Oh, hiya, Ralph.
-Hiya.

I'll get your supper ready
for you right away

'cause I know you want
to go bowling tonight.

What are you looking around for?

Nothing.

Just seems a little quiet here,
that's all.

Quiet? Why do you say that?

I don't know.
It just seems quiet.

Well, I should think you'd be
thankful for that, Ralph.

Any man who works as hard
as you do all day

doesn't want to come home
to a noisy apartment.

Yeah. I wouldn't mind it noisy
now and then,

you know, like, once a year.

Well, I've got to run up
to Trix's, Ralph.

Oh. Oh-oh-oh!
(laughs)

- You're going up
to Trixie's, huh? -Yeah.

Want me to come along?

What for? I'm only gonna look
at the hem on her dress.

- Oh. Oh, got to look at a hem.
-Uh-huh.

All right, I'll wait down here,

and I'll be ready
when you call me.

♪ Happy birthday, Ralph,
happy birthday to me ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you,
happy... ♪ Whoa!

♪ Happy birthday to you, Ralph ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪

Right, right.

Well, so it's upstairs, huh?

What upstairs?
What's upstairs? What?

The party. The party is
upstairs in your place.

If there's a party upstairs,
what would I be doing

down here dancing with you?

I don't understand.

Now, we saw the list of the food

and the guests
that were supposed to come.

- Wait.
-And she's all dressed up.

Wait a minute.
I think I got it. Alice...

- You know how?
-Yeah.

Alice makes out a list
of the groceries

-she's gonna get for the party.
-Right.

She makes a list out
of the people

she's gonna invite to the party.

And then she lets you find
those lists right here, see?

That's the surprise.

- What?
-There ain't gonna be no party!

Get out! Get out!

Did you go up to Trixie's?
Did you find out anything?

Didn't find out a thing.

I was just down at Manicotti's.

She doesn't know anything
about a surprise party, either.

I don't understand it.

Why should she call
the party off?

And more than the party, never
once since we've been married

has she ever forgotten
my birthday.

She always gives me
a gift at least.

I know that.

Wait a minute.
That proves there's a party.

- What? -That's why she hasn't
given me the gift yet.

She's waiting
until the party starts

before she gives me the gift.

I'll prove it to you.
I'll find the gift.

Don't worry. I'll find it.

It's got to be
in here someplace.

Hey! Nice-lookin' pair
of gloves, Ralph.

Where's the other one?

How should I know?
They're not my gloves.

Nah, nah, I guess
they're not your gloves.

The guy that left this here

must be a real
snappy dresser, huh?

What do you mean, "The guy
that left that here?"

Maybe Alice found it someplace.

Ah, that's right. She probably
found it and brought it home

and stuck it under
the pillowcases there

and put it in the back
of the drawer.

Let me see that.

What would a man be doing
up here in this apartment?

And why should she hide
this glove

under some things in the drawer?

Wait a minute, wait.

I know just exactly
what you're thinking.

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself.

Alice is true-blue.

You're right, Norton.
I am ashamed of myself.

I don't know
what's the matter with me.

I'm all mixed up
on account of the party.

- That's what it is.
-That's it.

I should be suspicious of her
looking at another man?

There's a laugh.
With me around?

-(laughs)
-Ha.

You know, the funny part
about it is,

when she dresses up good,
like she's dressed tonight,

she's the one that's in danger.

Any guy that sees her has got
to go for her like that.

- Oh, sure.
-But she'd never go for anybody.

I'm not suspicious
about her, boy.

Not in the least.

Not the least suspicious of her.

What are you doing
all dressed up?!

Dressed up?
You mean this old thing?

What do you mean, "old thing?"

You've only had it
a couple of years.

Why are you wearing it now?

I decided I'd break it in.

And besides, Winston Churchill
was here to tea,

and I couldn't greet dear
old Winnie in just anything.

I'll only be a minute, Ralph.

I got to match up
some thread for Trixie,

and then I'll come right down
and fix your supper,

'cause I know that you want
to go bowling tonight.

Uh... what are you gonna do

when I'm out bowling
tonight, Alice?

Same as usual.

Well, uh, I know that you mean

you'll be all alone here, and...

well, I don't think I should
leave you alone tonight.

I don't think I'll go bowling.

You won't go...?
But Ralph, you got to...

Ralph, you go bowling
every Thursday night.

Now, isn't that silly?

You go right ahead
and enjoy yourself.

Don't you worry about me.

I won't be lonely.

There is something strange
taking place in this house.

There's something funny
going on, Norton.

Why should she call
the party off? Why?

Why should she get
all dressed up?

Now, what do we do from there?

Alice been smoking cigars
lately?

That proves it!

That proves it.

Now we know even more about him.

He wears gloves,
smokes expensive cigars,

and he's got
a guilty conscience.

Oh, why don't you shut up?

Just a moment.

Now I know why
she called off the party.

- Why? -Because he's coming
here tonight! That's why.

That's why she was so anxious
for me to go bowling.

'Cause he was coming here!

Just wait till
I get my hands on him.

Wait a minute, let me think.
Let me think just a minute.

He left the glove here,
he left a cigar butt...

I got it.
Maybe Alice wasn't kidding.

Maybe Winston Churchill
was here today!

ALICE: Ralph!
It's a quarter to eight.

You're gonna be late
for bowling.

All right, Ralphie Boy,
how about a little bowling?

What is the matter with you?

Here, my home
is being broken up,

my happiness destroyed,

and you want to know
if I'm ready to go bowling.

Oh, I'm... I'm sorry, Ralph.

How about shooting
a little pool?

(pounds fist on table)

Now, look, just don't sit here

eating your heart out
and everything.

Why don't you call
your wife out here

and let's clear the air.

Get her out here
and demand an explanation.

Oh, I got some case. Some case.

You don't think she's gonna
admit to anything, do you?

All I want to do is get my hands
on that guy, that's all.

Well, it's not like we don't
know anything about the guy.

We know
he wears the gloves, he...

and smokes the expensive cigars.

I know, I know.
And we're not taking

any ads in the paper, either.

Now, look...
that guy is coming here tonight.

But if he knows I'm here,
he's not coming in.

She'll get word to him
somehow that I'm here.

All I have to do--
if she wants to play that game,

I can play the same game.

She's anxious for me
to go bowling

so this guy can come here

and she can have
a meeting with him, okay.

But I'm gonna fool her.
I'm gonna fool her, Norton.

I'm going bowling,
but I'm not going bowling.

You're not only gonna fool her.

You got me all mixed up.

Don't you understand?

I'll tell her
I'm going bowling,

and I'll say good-bye,
slam the door,

we open the window, we get out
on the fire escape,

and we stay there
until this burn shows up.

Then I can hear and see
everything they do.

Ah, now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I mean,
you're not gonna stoop so low

as to go out, uh,
on that there fire escape

and spy in here on your wife,
are you?

I mean, let's face it,
that went out with the stone age

when people were uncivilized,
that's all.

I mean, you-you can't just...

You just can't do a thing
like that today.

Well, what am I gonna do?

Do what any
civilized man would do.

Hide a Dictaphone here
in the room.

Will you let me
handle it my way?

Take your ball, here.

Now, first of all,
we open the window.

It's stuck. Hold this.

- Help me with this thing.
-All right.

(grunting)

All right, now...

Alice? Alice, honey,
I'm going bowling now.

ALICE: All right, Ralph.
Have a good time.

- Okay.
-I'm going, too, Alice,

so there won't be anybody
here to bother you.

Shut up.

Don't worry
if I'm not back, uh, early.

I'm gonna stop off after I play
and have a little piz... salad!

ALICE: All right, honey.
Take your time.

Okay, I'm going now.

-(indistinct muttering)
-Okay.

Dope, you left the bowling balls
there. Get them.

Come on.

(knock on door)

I'll be right there!

Ooh!

Oh, hello. Come in, Andre.

Hello, my dear.
ls it safe to come in?

- Is your husband gone?
-Oh, yes. It's safe.

He's gone. He won't be home
until late.

Oh, good.

You know, I... l-l feel...

I feel a little uncomfortable
about this.

I usually like
to get the husband's approval.

Well, you know,
right after you left...

I was kind of thinking it over,

you know,
when you left this afternoon,

and I thought,
maybe I'd tell him,

but, uh, it's so much
more fun this way.

ANDRE: All right, my dear,
but you know,

sometimes the husband comes up
with a pretty useful suggestion.

ALICE: Well, I really think
this way is best.

You know, Ralph has such
old-fashioned ideas,

he'd just make things difficult
for you.

I see. Well, I've got it all
arranged for tomorrow morning.

What time does
your husband leave?

ALICE: Well, uh...
usually about 7:00.

ANDRE: 7:00?
I don't suppose it's possible

to get him out
any earlier, is it?

Hmm... I could try,
but I don't want

to do anything
to make him suspicious.

- All right.
-I mean, you know,

I've gotten along this far
without his catching on,

and I'd certainly hate to do
anything to spoil it now.

ANDRE: All right,
I'll be here at 7:15.

Oh, well, by the way,
did I leave one of my gloves

when I was here this afternoon?

Yes, you did,
and I hid it in the drawer

so Ralph wouldn't see it.

I'll get it for you now.

Well, now, that's funny.

I know I put it in here.

Now, where do you suppose
that could be?

Aha!

Ow!

Where could it be, huh?

I'll tell you where it is!
Right there!

And I'm gonna stick it right
down your throat, you gigolo!

- Ralph!
-Don't you "Ralph" me!

So I'm old-fashioned, huh?

I got old-fashioned ideas,
and I'm difficult.

Wait 'til you see how
difficult I make it

for him to put his hat on.

He ain't gonna have any head!

- Ralph, will you...? -Well, I
am quite through, Mrs. Cranston!

- You're through, all right!
-You're fired.

Will you help me out of here?!

- Let me at him. Out of my way!
-Ralph!

Just one moment.
You listen to me.

I don't want to listen
to nothin'. Out of my way!

You listen to me.
I'm gonna tell you

what you've just done, Ralph.

We were gonna have this whole
apartment redecorated.

New drapes, new rugs,
new furniture, Ralph.

That gigolo, as you call him,
happens to be Andre,

the interior decorator
for Morgan's Department Store.

And Morgan's Department Store,
Ralph, was gonna

decorate this entire apartment
for us for nothing,

for an advertising stunt.

It wasn't gonna cost us
one cent, Ralph--

not one penny-- and you had
to go and spoil everything.

(Norton clears his throat)

You don't want to go bowling.

I mean, you don't want
to go bowling now, do you?

I'll go bowling.

- You don't want to go...
-Get out of here.

All right, Alice.

I'm a moxe.

I did it again.

Sorry if I'm jealous,
but just the mere thought

of any guy even looking at you
is enough to drive me nuts.

I don't know what to say
or what to do, and...

I wouldn't blame you
if you never spoke to me again.

What's that?

Happy birthday, Ralph.

Baby, you're the greatest.