Original subtitles

- [Ricky] Warning.

The following program contains really coarse language, weed,

alcohol consumption, smoking and sexual Inferl, ferlenses.

This content may not be suitable for viewers under 18.

To activate parental controls, please press the big

go fuck yourself button on your remote control!

[lilting piano music]

- Pepperoni predictions is what he's gonna be doing.

- Yep, bubs, but that could have been, fuckin'

something crazy happened right there.

- What?

- Now we're not gonna know.

- What, cause I ate it.

- Yes.

- Ricky, it doesn't work that way.

I can't eat predictions.

- You gotta throw them up in the air.

- Rick, from these people that I've met, like medians

and fortune tellers and all those fuckin' people, right?

- Yep.

- They, they've got the power in them.

- Right.

- They were born with it.

- [sings] They've got the power.

- You wanted, like, what do you have?

Ray, you've got...

Ray have super powers as well with pepperoni?

- I had a dream one time that taught me how

to do all this shit.

I just don't have time to do it usually.

- Okay, so welcome to Park After Dark.

If you're just tuning in,

Ricky's gonna tell the future with pepperoni.

- Not the whole fucking future,

just try to come up with a couple things for this year.

- Ricky, I ate, I ate...

- Bubs, fuckin' Jesus.

- I ate a new car.

That could've been somebody getting a new car.

[Bubbles laughs]

- Now we'll never know.

- Nope, we'll never know.

Maybe about four hours from now we will.

[Bubbles wheeze-laughs]

- [Julian] What do you mean by that?

- Shake up the little predictor meats.

- Predictor meat.

- Predictor meats, here we go, this is exciting.

- Who's ready to find out what the fuck

might happen this year?

- Yes, Ricky.

[Ricky whooshes]

- [Julian] Jesus fuck!

- [Bubbles] Okay, do you just leave them now?

Or how do you read them?

- [Ricky] Yeah, don't touch them.

This one's gotta go up again.

[Ricky groaning]

- [Julian] It doesn't even have anything on it.

- [Ricky] That's not good.

I can tell you right now.

That means some bad fuckin' shit's gonna happen, y'all.

This happens a third time,

don't leave the house for a while.

Okay, I'm telling you right fuckin' now.

We're in trouble this year.

[Bubbles giggles]

- [Julian] Pepperoni falls off the table three times.

- Three fuckin' times in a row?

- But Ricky, look at all the pieces

that didn't bounce off the table.

- Okay, so we got, oh yeah.

Holy fuck, okay.

And those are stacked, sun?

Yeah, see this area right here?

That's fucked.

- [Bubbles] Ricky, don't tell me this.

- [Julian] So what does it mean?

We got a seven.

- We got just some good things.

This means, because it's separated,

the world population's gonna fuckin' go

from 7 billion to maybe 8 billion this year.

- Well, yeah, it is cause people are fuckin'.

Not cause your pepperoni flipped over the right way.

- But because of this and because of what happened there,

something fuckin' serious is gonna happen.

You know what I think it is?

There's gonna be a major fuckin' earthquake this year.

- Well there's one every year, pretty much.

- No, this one's gonna be a fuckin' doozy.

- The big one.

- It's gonna be bad.

- Where's it gonna hit?

- In a big city.

- In a big city?

Well, that's not good.

- It's gonna affect a lot of fuckin' people.

It's gonna be sad, you guys should not have made me do this.

Now I'm gonna fuckin'...

- See, Ricky, you're just

like all the other charlatans that do this.

Oh, something bad's gonna happen in a big city

and it's gonna affect a lot of people.

Well yeah, no shit.

- The only good thing that's gonna come out of it

because the sun landed on top of the stack, solar power.

- It's gonna happen on a sunny day.

- Solar power is gonna be huge now.

It's gonna actually start making more sense

to fuckin' use solar power than regular power

from the fucking cock-sucking, money

stealing, fuckin' monopoly power companies.

- Yeah, but they're already using solar power

like all over the world, man.

- Woo, solar power's gonna become more popular.

Yeah, no shit.

- That's what that's telling me, right there.

That's what that's fuckin' telling me.

- No, shit, I could have predicted that.

- We don't live near an earthquakey-thing, do we?

- We don't know, Ricky.

Maybe, there could be a hairline crack.

- Anywhere that, anywhere that has lava,

I fuckin' stay away.

- You know who else is a hairline crack?

- Who?

- Your mother. [wheeze-laughs]

- That's not like a hairline crack.

It's a goddamn gaping, fuckin' trench.

- She's got a gorge.

What's up with this one?

- [Ricky] That's that's the death.

That's the death one.

- [Bubbles] The death-a-roni.

- Thankfully that was pretty much buried.

- [sings] That's death-a-roni, the San Francisco treat.

- So I don't think any of us are probably gonna die.

That's good, unless we're in the earthquake.

- Ricky, I don't even like you saying that.

Cause now if I do by accident, you're gonna say,

"See, I told you, the pepperoni told me."

- Yeah, is there anything good here at all?

- Solar power, population's going up.

- We don't care about that.

- I'm just gonna say if I die this year

by accident or whatever, I want you to play this video

and make sure that he does not claim

that the pepperoni predicted it.

- I'll make sure of it.

- If I die, I don't want that tied

to fuckin' pepperoni for the rest of my,

the rest of my whatever it's called.

History.

- Alright.

[comedic lively music]

- Ricky Brown was approached by one of his congregation

about trouble with marriage, trouble at home.

Now the lady was married to a man

and he died and she did not know what to do.

Well, Ricky Brown has the answers

for you and God has the answers for her.

And God has the answers through Ricky Brown for her.

And here it is: Deuteronomy Chapter 25.

Levirate Marriage: When brothers live together

and one of them dies without a son,

the widow of the deceased shall not marry anyone

outside of the family, but her husband's brother shall go

to her and perform the duty of a brother-in-law

by marrying her and betrothin' that bitch for her own.

[organ music]

However, if a man does not care to marry his brother's wife,

then she shall go up to the elders at the gate

and declare, "My brother-in-law does not intend

to perform this act with me.

What the fuck do I do?"

Well there upon the elders of the city

shall summon that motherfucker and admonish him.

That's right.

If he persists and said, "I ain't marrying the bitch,"

well then his sister-in-law in the presence

of the elders shall go up to him,

strip the sandal from his foot,

spit in the motherfuckin' face and say publicly,

"This is how this motherfucker shall be treated."

And the lineage shall be kicked out of Israel.

Then the family of the man will be stripped of the scandal.

Now what's God saying there?

I don't fuckin' know, but I tell you this.

I say, get whoever the fuck you want.

If you don't want...

Basically, have sex with the man then let it go.

He don't have to marry you.

You just need to get some loving.

Ricky Brown would forgive you.

God would forgive Ricky Brown.

That being said, the battle I'm fighting right now,

is not intended to be something of taking advantage

or harassment or anything like that.

It's simply that Ricky is here for his congregation.

Aright, and Ricky intends to fight this battle and win.

Y'all don't come to Ricky asking

for help in the form of affection and love

and then have a turnaround of Ricky's face only

to be brought into a scandal.

Well, I'll tell you what Ricky love scandals.

Bring it on, lady.

I'm sorry.

I got a little passionate on there, but Ricky Brown don't

like being involved in scandal and Ricky Brown

will tell you all he wanted to do.

Ricky Brown, said that's all he wanted

to do was help the lady.

The lady come to Ricky Brown weeping about her husband.

Ricky Brown told her what to do.

Ricky Brown is here to console.

Console on behalf of the Lord.

And Ricky Brown does a lot of consoling

and his consoling can last a long time.

And Ricky Brown was given consoling.

And now that consoling is being turned

around on Ricky Brown.

And that, motherfuckers, is the devil.

That is the devil!

And I tell you right now, if the devil comes to you

in the form of some motherfucker trying to press charges

and shit, and trying to spread slander on you

then you have every right to come down on them.

And Ricky Brown will just do that.

Cause Ricky Brown is here to tell you,

he don't need no motherfuckin' laws.

Ricky Brown has his army of the Ricky Brown Upliftment Hour.

Ricky Brown had law standing beside him calling the witness

and cross examining the motherfuckin' devil.

Ricky Brown got his own sling.

It's called his size eight-and-a-half motherfuckin' shoe.

And he'll sling Goliath right between the goddamn eyes.

He ain't going take me down, take you down

take you down, way down the hell

where I'll bury the motherfucker alive.

- No, just you guys aren't in here.

Out you get, you're not filming this, no way, no.

- [Security Guard] Okay, now listen.

You're awful anxious, just relax.

- I'm very anxious.

- Just relax.

- Look, I promise you I don't have the screwdriver.

I'm sorry.

- We've gotta find that screwdriver.

Now, I've done this lots of times.

We've got a couple of options, two different options here.

Now, they recommend we use these arse-spreaders

but they get real cold and they can tear your right up.

Now, I have another suggestion.

I could just do it the old fashioned way.

Put on one of these gloves.

It's much more natural and it's warmer.

That sort of thing.

So why don't we try look, try it this way?

You don't want those arse-spreaders?

- No, just whatever's the fastest and the least painful.

- Okay, just relax, put your hands up here now.

- I just want to get it over with.

- Put your hands up here.

Okay, now spread your legs a little apart.

And I'm gonna...

- Oh, my God.

- Gonna get this glove on here.

And gonna take your pants down real slow.

Okay, now just hold on one second.

There's the first knuckle.

[Bubbles screaming]

- I'm like a doctor to these men.

I'm trying to keep the place safe, you know?

There's a lot of room up there.

There could be drugs, could be some weapons.

I don't even know what these guards are complaining about.

My fingers, they're not too big and they fit in there nice.

And I try to go as quickly as I can

with everything and make it comfortable as I can for them.

But I don't enjoy it.

I don't enjoy it.

And it's not like we all haven't explored those parts

of our body before and had that happen to us.

It's something that's part of everyday life at home.

What you have there, okay, wow.

- Is it over, can you... there's nothing.

- Hold on for a second, I'm almost done.

Now just wait.

I think you can pull those back up and I'm real...

Listen, I'm sorry, but we didn't find the tool

in the tool... that was gonna look bad on me.

I had to look, that's all I have to say.

You can go, you can go and you just gotta,

we're gonna have to find that somewhere.

Someone took it, here, have a cookie.

You're okay, you're all good.

- I don't want a cookie.

- You're sure, they're real good.

[door closes]

[security guard chewing]

[security guard grunts]

[door buzzes]

[Bubbles sniffling]

- You can take that camera and fuck right off.

And I don't know what you filmed of that

but I don't want to see any

of it on the TV or the fuckin' wherever it goes.

It's my own business and nobody else's.

So you don't put that on there.

Now I gotta go fuckin' deal with Ricky

and I'm in no state to be doing this right now.

So just fuck off for a while.

- Hey man.

- It's pretty busy in here today.

- Yeah, they cut lunch short

for everybody else for some reason.

I don't know what's going on.

- Why are you bullshitting me, man?

I know you gave Larry some hash money

to clear this place out.

What the fuck's wrong with you?

[silverware clinking]

- This has gotta go down, Julian.

- It's gotta go down, huh?

- Yeah, for what Lahey did, man.

He's gotta pay something for this.

- Just so you didn't understand me

the first 18,000 fuckin' times I told you, you shank him,

you're gonna spend the rest of your fuckin' life in here.

- No, no, I talked to Bubbles, I'm not gonna kill him.

I promised Bubbles I wouldn't kill him.

I'm just gonna put two or three holes,

maybe four holes in him or something.

- Oh, attempted murder.

Okay, you you're gonna spend most of your life in here then.

- It's not attempted murder.

- It's attempted fuckin' murder, Ricky.

- Maybe he tried to punch me or something first.

And just to fight back.

- Rick, listen to me.

You shank him, you're gonna be in here

for most of your life, okay?

You got a grandson or a granddaughter

that's gonna be born when you get out.

- I know that.

- You're gonna miss that.

- I didn't know you couldn't kill people in jail.

It's assumed if you kill em in jail...

- It doesn't matter, I'm telling you.

I'm telling you right fuckin' now.

You're not gonna shank him.

- I'm not gonna kill him is what.

- You're not gonna kill him.

- Okay, well, what

if I maybe just punch him really hard in the face?

- Punch him really hard.

While your grandchild's being born, got a father like Jacob,

grandfather in jail, you're fuckin' selfish.

Know that, you're fuckin' selfish.

You're stupid and you're selfish.

- You're stupid and selfish.

- No, you're stupid.

- You're dumb.

- Oh, how am I stupid, you're stupid.

- You're dumber than stupid.

So that makes you dumber than me.

- You're way dumber than anybody in this fuckin' jail.

- I know.

- You're the dumbest person I've ever met.

- Okay let's this fuckin' thing over with.

- Lahey.

- You stand back, Julian.

- No, you get the fuck outta here.

- Julian, see, look, see he planned to shit-shank me Julian.

- You fuckin' deserve to get shit-shanked.

You know, for all the shit you did to us.

- Yeah, you're the one that's been fucking me

over for my whole life, Ricky.

- Oh yeah?

- Lahey, get the fuck outta here if you know

what's good for you.

Get the fuck outta here!

- Julian.

I'd do anything for you, Julian.

You know that, but this gotta go down now.

I can't take it, not one more fuckin' night

worrying about that shit-weasel fuckin' sneaking up on me.

- Today's your fuckin' lucky day cause I can't kill you.

I'm not allowed.

Apparently you get in a lot of trouble for that,

which is dumb but I'll put a fucking couple holes in you.

Definitely punching you in the face.

- What's going on in here?

- What the fuck's wrong with you?

- Nothing, I don't, I don't wanna talk about it.

- [Ricky] Bubbles, what the fuck is wrong?

[Bubbles crying]

- I got searched by gorilla fingers.

I got searched by gorilla fingers.

- [Ricky] For what, what are you talking about?

- Things missing under the goddamn workshops

signed out in my name.

- Nice going, Rick.

- Wasn't me!

- Oh, bullshit.

- This look like something that was in the fucking shop?

- I'm sure you took something else.

- Ricky, you give me that right now!

This is not happening.

You give me that right now!

- I just wanna put a couple holes in him.

- Ricky stop it.

- Ricky, Ricky, you give me that right now.

This isn't happening.

- Just give it to Bubbles!

- You're not going to jail.

We're calling a truce.

- He's got something there, I know he does.

- We're calling a truce.

- [Lahey] A truce?

- Yes.

- A fuckin' truce, Ricky, calling a truce?

- Yes, I'm calling a truce.

- Let me punch him in the face once.

- You fuckin' call a truce, I'll fuckin' jab you right now!

- Lahey, put it, put it down!

- Give that fuckin' thing.

- [Bubbles] Give me that!

- Jim, gimme that fuckin' thing!

- That's what I just got searched for.

You son of a whore!

[all boys struggling]

I'll kill you!

[all boys struggling]

- [Ricky] Ah, fuck!

Goddamn it Bubbles, what are you doing?

- [Bubbles] I'm sorry!

- No, no, no.

Listen, I'm fine.

I'm just doing my sound here, is this good?

Okay, I'm just about ready.

This will make me look a little there today.

What the fuck?

Okay, Gunther, man the cameras.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

My name is Jim Lahey.

Welcome to another one of my famous liquor stories.

Today, we have a special story.

We are talking about Bol's Gold Liqueur.

You've heard of this, this is famous.

Did you ever hear the gold flake liquor?

1957 to 1970 is when they made these little suckers.

They used to fill these boys,

they call 'em the ballerina bottles.

They used to have Triple Sec in them, Creme De Menthe,

and the apricot brandy.

This one has such a special cinnamon taste.

It's got little gold flecks in it if you look.

Here's what it was.

They used to say, "Shake, shoot, and strike."

Shake the bottle, shoot the bottle,

and what the fuck the strike is, I have no idea.

Anyway, what it is this old company was a Dutch company.

1575 is when they first started bottling this shit

and now they're still going.

There was a big-- It's the oldest distillery in the world.

So take that for an example.

Now there's about 38 different liqueurs

you can get from Bol's.

But I'll tell you, there's nothing quite like.

Do you know why they had the little gold flakes in it?

Cause it made you, like, it cut your sarcophagus and your

throat and your stomach and it gave instant intoxication.

[bottle bubbles]

Did you hear that, oh listen.

Talk about hearing that shit.

Watch this is a little,

I learned how to do this all by myself.

Okay, fuck off.

Okay, what the fuck? Randy!

Jesus, people are always fuckin' around with my shit.

There it is.

You just go like this, listen.

[The Blue Danube plays]

[Lahey hums along]

That's The Blue Danube, that was the last dance

we danced The Blue Danube at the last party that we had,

me and Barb, we were taking,

we were taking dancing lessons, ballroom dancing lessons.

Barb used to be the queen of the park, you know.

Fuckin' best tits in fuckin' Sunnyvale.

Anyway, we were taking ballroom dancing lessons

and it was all kinds of different people.

There was 10 couples.

We were the oldest at the time and I think we were 24.

Anyway, there was hippies and dippies and sticksters there.

Somebody put some LSD in the punch.

So you can imagine what happened.

We were dancing,

everyone was dancing and somebody started taking

off their clothes, and then somebody else started taking

off their, then everybody was taking off their clothes.

Floppy doppins all over the place.

It was free love, I guarantee it.

Like I got involved

with several different couples and then there was three

or four guys and listen, I'm not gonna go...

and I still have flashbacks.

Changed my life, changed my sexuality.

Changed for the good times

because look at that little thing there.

Every time I really look at those beautiful,

I get a little bit horny and all I wanna do is dance

and dance and dancing the night away.

[sings] dancing, dancing, dancing the night away.

Okay, cut, that's it.

[humming along with The Blue Danube]

Anybody got a towel? [laughs]

[The Blue Danube plays]

Know what, let's come back.

I gotta do a second one.

Feel, I'm feeling [indistinct]

I said I wanted do a second one!

I'm the boss here!

[inaudible grumbling] Fuck'n.

Sounds's ready, I'm just as good as Mike Cocksuckin' Smith

anyway in the day.

Okay, Bol's Liquor.

Take one, Act one, Scene one.

[gentle music]

Best fuckin' liquor ever made.

1975, no, 1957.

They had these ballerina bottles.

This is this- This is fuckin' beautiful.

Listen to this.

What the fuck?

Someone's been fuckin' with my bottle.

[The Blue Danube plays]

That's The Blue Danube.

Barb and I used to dance The Blue Danube,

we had 10 couples, we all in this,

we took ballroom dancing and on party night

everyone got a bottle of blue, the ballerina bottles.

1957-1970 Bol's Liqueur.

You know, they had the fuckin' gold flakes in there.

People say it's a bourbon legend,

that what happens is it gold flakes going down your

sarcophagus makes tiny little cuts in your blood vessels

and then you get an immediate intox...

Anyway, Barbara and I were dancing

and dancing and everyone got a bottle.

And then somebody puts some fuckin', shut the fuck up.

Somebody put some LCD in the fuckin' punch

and everyone got whoop-de-coggillicious.

I remember that night, just like the last time,

only time I ever did sel-SD,

but I'll tell you what happened.

People started going woobity-boobity-boobity

shaking their booty-booties

and then somebody's fuckin bra burst.

And then everyone was laughing.

We all started taking off our clothes.

There was fuckin' erections over here,

stiff nipples over there.

There was rabbit rabbit rabbit and a little greasy grassy.

I was, I'm not gonna tell you about the three guys

and me that would do that, but anyway.

Every time it happens to me

that I have a little drink of Bol's.

Did I tell you about this thing?

This is the oldest distillery in the world from 1500,

so like 25,000 years ago.

Fuckin' great shit, man.

Don't forget, Bol's Liquor, your friend and mine.

See you later.

Cut.

Now that is, fuck, that's doing it, man, that's...

[The Blue Danube playing]

- Oh fuck, how come the death coin is on its own now?

Touches, see that's bad.

- [Bubbles] What happened?

- The death coin's sitting on its own now.

You guys shouldn't have fucked

with the fuckin' predictor coins.

- Ricky, it's a fuckin-

- Did you move the death coin?

- I didn't touch the fucking death coin.

- Guess what?

Now, a lot of people are gonna die

for something fuckin' weird.

- What about that? It's been changed.

What does that mean?

- Julian changed the future.

- I don't know what that means.

[lilting piano music]

[birds chirping] [tugboat puttering]

- Fuck. - Fuck, fuck!

- Fuck, fuck! - Fuck!

- Jesus Christ!

[dramatic music]