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- Warning.
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00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:02,828
The following program
contains really
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00:00:02,872 --> 00:00:05,570
course language, weed,
alcohol consumption,
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00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:08,312
smoking and sexual inferences.
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00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:09,922
This content may not be suitable
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00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:11,794
for viewers under 18.
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00:00:11,837 --> 00:00:13,448
To activate parental controls,
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00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:14,275
Please press the
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00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:15,363
go [beep] yourself button
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00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:16,712
on your remote control.
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00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,682
- I remember in the
intermission last night
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00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:31,770
I was trying to find
13
00:00:31,814 --> 00:00:34,121
some fun facts about
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00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:35,165
animals.
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00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:36,558
I was trying to
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00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:37,907
- Fun facts about animals?
17
00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:39,169
- Yeah, yeah!
18
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:40,910
- Why were you doing that?
19
00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:42,129
- I was thinking about
getting a new pet
20
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:42,781
and I wanted to
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00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:45,480
research things about
different ones.
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00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:46,785
- Ricky.
23
00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:47,960
Find out what's a good pet.
24
00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:49,440
My pants are falling off.
25
00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:50,441
- [Bubbles] Well pull them up.
26
00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:51,660
Do you have underwear on?
27
00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:52,704
- [Ricky] Who knows?
28
00:00:54,532 --> 00:00:55,098
It's flip of a coin.
29
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,447
[Ricky laughs]
30
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,058
- You don't know if you
have underwear on or not?
31
00:00:58,101 --> 00:00:58,928
[Ricky sighs]
32
00:00:58,971 --> 00:00:59,755
- Can you feel them?
33
00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:00,451
- Oh yeah.
34
00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:01,713
No, I do.
35
00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:03,150
- Well. Can't you feel
that you have under?
36
00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,500
I mean, I always know
when I have underwear on.
37
00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:08,546
Jesus.
38
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:09,460
- Uh.
39
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,288
What did you guys want to do?
40
00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:13,290
- I don't know that, just,
I'm reading a story here.
41
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:15,466
It kind of reminds me of
something that you would do.
42
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:17,033
- [Ricky] Who me?
43
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,078
- Yeah. Remember how
you used to go on like,
44
00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:19,644
fuck, I want to get a
Bulletproof vest
45
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:20,471
and start, you know
46
00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:21,255
I wanna get shot by one?
47
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:22,517
- [Ricky] Yeah.
48
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,823
- We're like, no, Ricky,
it it fuckin', it hurts.
49
00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:26,086
Like you can break
ribs and shit.
50
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:27,043
- You don't get dead.
51
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,218
- Yeah. But still,
52
00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:29,611
you don't want to get fuckin'
shot, man.
53
00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:30,742
It's just, it's not normal.
54
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:32,962
- What if they shoot
you in the neck?
55
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,398
by accident? Then
56
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,357
- You have to get a
Bulletproof scarf.
57
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:37,967
- Anyway, these two guys
were drinking.
58
00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:39,055
They're neighbors.
59
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,448
They were like, they
put on the vest.
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00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:42,145
They're like, let's
shoot each other.
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00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:43,059
See what it feels like.
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00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,669
- Some fuckin' tough guys.
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00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:46,280
- One guy shot the guy.
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Right? And it hurt so
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It hurt him so fuckin' bad
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00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:50,414
that buddy picks
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00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:52,764
up a fuckin' rifle
and shoots him
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00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:54,462
like unloads the whole fuckin'
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00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,855
clip at the guy's vest.
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00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:57,508
- What?
71
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:58,553
- And killed him.
72
00:01:58,596 --> 00:01:59,336
- [Julian] He didn't kill him,
no.
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00:01:59,380 --> 00:01:59,858
But it fucked him up.
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00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:00,990
- Oh my God.
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00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:01,860
- Went to the hospital
and said they got
76
00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:03,297
into a gunfight with somebody
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00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:05,125
[Ricky laughs]
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00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:06,474
and they were like, no
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00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:07,649
you guys are just fuckin'
shooting at each other.
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00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:08,432
And they were like, yeah.
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00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:09,303
Okay. We fuckin' did that.
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00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:10,782
Anyway. They're going to jail.
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00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:11,305
- That's fucked up.
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00:02:11,348 --> 00:02:11,914
- For what?
85
00:02:11,957 --> 00:02:13,350
- Don't know, man.
86
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,265
- I guess you're not allowed
to shoot at each other.
87
00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:16,048
- You're not allowed to
shoot at, at each other.
88
00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:17,093
Yeah.
89
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,312
- Even with
Bulletproof vents on.
90
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:20,531
Bulletproof scarf's
91
00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:21,358
- Exciting.
92
00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:22,751
- Not a bad idea, actually.
93
00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:24,970
- Bulletproof gloves?
94
00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:26,363
- Bulletproof gloves, yeah.
95
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:28,844
- Cause you're always
getting defensive wounds.
96
00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:29,714
- Yeah.
97
00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:31,977
Bulletproof gloves.
98
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,109
- [Ricky] Bulletproof.
99
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,241
- If you fuckin' try to
stop a bullet
100
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:35,764
with your bulletproof fuckin'
gloves,
101
00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:36,765
[Ricky laughs]
102
00:02:36,808 --> 00:02:38,723
your good hand would be fucked.
103
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,203
It would just be all
mangled up inside.
104
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:41,117
And you'd take it out
105
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,205
and in your hand
would be fucked.
106
00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:42,945
- Would it, though?
107
00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,207
- Kind of, man.
108
00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:45,948
- What if you put on
two Bulletproof gloves?
109
00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:46,644
- Bubs, so you're still like
110
00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:47,819
- A small and a large.
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00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:48,733
- you're not catching a fuckin'
baseball.
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00:02:48,777 --> 00:02:49,865
- [Ricky] Or a Bulletproof glove
113
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:50,779
and then a Bulletproof mitten
114
00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:51,867
over the whole thing.
115
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,825
- Boys, it's still
gonna break the f-
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00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:55,566
It's gonna shatter your fuckin'
hand.
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00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,089
- Maybe. Maybe not.
118
00:02:58,221 --> 00:02:59,004
- Depends on.
119
00:02:59,048 --> 00:02:59,831
- Let's try.
120
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:00,658
Do you wanna try?
121
00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:01,485
- No.
122
00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:02,094
I don't.
123
00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:03,183
But I bet you
124
00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:04,749
you could look it up
on MythBusters.
125
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:05,794
I bet you
126
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:06,621
- I bet we can get
Corey or Jacob
127
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,188
to fuckin' try it.
128
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:09,493
Well of course you could.
129
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,191
- All right, let's try it
then sometime.
130
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,541
- All you'd have to do
is promise 'em something.
131
00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:14,716
- And you've gotta make up a
132
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,587
Bulletproof fuckin' glove.
133
00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:18,067
Good luck with that one.
134
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,677
- I tell you, I named my beaver?
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00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:21,810
- Hmm.
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00:03:21,853 --> 00:03:22,680
No.
137
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:23,899
- Calling him Nickel.
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00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,248
- [Bubbles] Nickel.
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00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:27,381
- [Ricky] Yep. Just picture
him on every nickel.
140
00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:28,556
- [Bubbles] I get it. I know.
141
00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:31,298
There's a beaver on the
Canadian nickel.
142
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:33,082
- [Ricky] What's up, Nickel?
143
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,344
[Bubble laughs]
144
00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:35,345
- [Ricky In High Pitched
Voice] Sending it out!
145
00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:36,607
- [Julian] Cool dude.
146
00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:38,522
What a horrible fuckin' name.
Nickel.
147
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,610
- Nickel.
148
00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:41,133
And he talks like that, does he?
In a
149
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,396
- [Ricky In High
Pitched Voice] Yeah.
150
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:43,397
He talks like this.
151
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,920
Hey Bubbs.
152
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:46,226
- Hey Nickel.
153
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:47,531
- [High Pitched Voice] You
got any treats?
154
00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:48,532
Beaver treats?
155
00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:50,317
- I don't have any
beaver treats.
156
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,143
[Ricky laughs]
157
00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:51,970
I'll bring some next time.
158
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:53,058
Some beaver jerky.
159
00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:55,235
Where you going?
160
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:56,584
- Just checking on
161
00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:57,454
what you got in the fridge here,
man.
162
00:03:58,803 --> 00:03:59,587
- [Ricky] All right.
163
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:00,892
- [Julian] You want some quick
164
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:04,113
we got some quick fries.
Full bottle of vodka.
165
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:04,940
- Do you want a quick fry?
166
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:05,941
- There you go.
167
00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:06,768
That's gonna help you out, man.
168
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:07,725
That's gonna keep you alive.
169
00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:08,552
You drink some of this.
170
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:09,945
Okay. With vodka.
171
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:11,120
That's what this is.
172
00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:12,426
- Well. I know.
173
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:13,383
- You got some
carrots down there.
174
00:04:13,427 --> 00:04:14,471
- [Ricky] No, man.
175
00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:16,125
You gotta go into the
good section.
176
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,779
- You could give
carrots to Nickel.
177
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:18,649
- [Ricky] Oh yeah.
178
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,390
Now we're fuckin' talking.
179
00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:23,393
Egg rolls, baby.
180
00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:24,264
- All right.
181
00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:26,788
- You're cooking.
182
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:27,615
Are you Ricky?
183
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:28,442
In the middle of the show?
184
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:29,269
[bang]
185
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:29,921
- [Ricky] Quick fries?
186
00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:30,835
- Jesus! Murphy.
187
00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:31,836
- [Julian] You might wanna wrap,
188
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,577
put like, use a Ziplock bag,
man.
189
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:35,753
You got freezer burn
on all them.
190
00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:36,624
- Well, they're not bad.
191
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:38,147
- How about some quick fries?
192
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:40,018
Some sweet and sour pork
193
00:04:40,062 --> 00:04:41,542
and a couple egg rolls?
194
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:42,412
Yeah!
195
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,023
Fuck off.
196
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,329
- [Julian] Jesus Christ, man.
197
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,375
- [Bubbles] Ricky, you're
gonna break your leg.
198
00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:49,898
These have a little bit
of freezer burn,
199
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,769
but they're not bad.
200
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,380
Oh, those are the bear
pollen ones too.
201
00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:54,250
I like those.
202
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,295
- I don't have a microwave.
203
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,297
Is the only problem.
204
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,646
- Where's your microwave?
205
00:04:58,689 --> 00:04:59,473
- I don't know.
206
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:00,909
I think I sold it.
207
00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:05,392
- You don't know where
your microwave is?
208
00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:06,741
- [Ricky] Do you see
it anywhere?
209
00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:09,091
- Don't know, but
210
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:10,135
[metal rattling]
211
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:11,180
- How can't you remember whether
212
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:12,399
you fuckin' sold the
thing or not?
213
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:13,965
- I have a weird memory
214
00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:15,663
about smashing the fuckin'
thing.
215
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:16,577
- [Julian] You smashed it?
216
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:17,882
- Here, Ricky, let,
217
00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:19,275
you know, stand this way.
218
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,363
So that people can,
219
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:21,233
you know.
220
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:22,060
- [Ricky] Like this?
221
00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:23,105
- Well just, you know
222
00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,411
I just want people to be able to
223
00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:25,325
see what you're doing.
224
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:26,151
That's all.
225
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:27,718
- [Ricky] Uh. Fuck.
226
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:29,764
Ugh.
227
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,245
- You still don't know
228
00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:35,030
how to work your oven. Do ya?
229
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,729
Showed you at least 50 times.
230
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:42,342
- Aren't these supposed
to be a different color?
231
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:43,604
Yeah. It's supposed to
be this color.
232
00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:44,866
- [Julian] That's
what I'm saying.
233
00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:46,128
They got freezer burn, man.
234
00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:46,955
- What does that mean?
235
00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:47,825
- You gotta put 'em in a
236
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:49,740
Ziploc bag. Wrap them up.
237
00:05:49,784 --> 00:05:51,046
- They're fine.
238
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,047
Turn your blower on though,
239
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,091
Ricky, or you're gonna
240
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:54,702
fill the place with stink
241
00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:57,487
Quick fry stink.
242
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:58,314
- Read this Randy.
243
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,576
Which one?
244
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:00,272
- Shitoscope.
245
00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:01,012
- Shitoscope.
246
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,100
- All right, everybody.
247
00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:04,102
From the dictionary we
have shitoscope.
248
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:04,929
Okay?
249
00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:05,800
In
250
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:06,627
- I'll drink to that.
251
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:07,454
- Mr. Lahey, I'm reading!
252
00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:08,280
- [Mr. Lahey] I, I gotcha.
253
00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:09,151
- Shh!
254
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,371
In grata
255
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,068
explorary
256
00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:13,938
surgery
257
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:14,983
- [Mr. Lahey] That's Latman.
258
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:16,027
- What's that, did I
say it right?
259
00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:16,854
- [Mr. Lahey] Yeah, perfect,
Randy.
260
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,639
- Okay. It's a noun. N.
261
00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:20,380
an archaic instrument
262
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:21,772
for viewing the bowel
263
00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:23,383
through the sphincter.
264
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:24,471
Advanced models
265
00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:26,168
Come equipped with shit lights
266
00:06:26,211 --> 00:06:29,780
rectal dilators, bung
oil and aprons.
267
00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:31,391
I don't get it, Mr. Lahey.
268
00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:32,217
Oh, there's
269
00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:34,481
Shitscopy right here.
270
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:35,873
Shitoscopy?
271
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,179
Shitoscopy.
272
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:38,659
Enough, Mr. Lahey! Stop.
273
00:06:38,702 --> 00:06:39,703
- [Mr. Lahey] Shitoscopy.
274
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:40,574
- Shitoscopy.
275
00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,097
[Mr. Lahey grunts]
276
00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:43,446
The science of rectal telemetry.
277
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:44,316
Shh!
278
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,143
[Mr. Lahey laughs]
279
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:45,970
recently sidelined
280
00:06:46,014 --> 00:06:47,145
by the fecal finger.
281
00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:48,016
- Yeah.
282
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:48,886
- Oh, and here's a poem.
283
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:51,454
On my side I happily linger,
284
00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:53,413
as she applies her fecal finger.
285
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:54,239
- Yeah. Bend over
286
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:55,110
- By Luke Lipshits
287
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:55,980
- Bend over.
288
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,242
Let Lahey come over.
289
00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:58,418
- New Shit Yorker. January,
2011.
290
00:06:58,461 --> 00:06:59,636
That's pretty funny, Mr. Lahey.
291
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:00,463
- Yeah.
292
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:01,290
Okay. Can you guess
293
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:01,638
what's in the box, Randy?
294
00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:03,031
- Coins!
295
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:04,989
- It's related to the
[slurs] shitoscopy, Randy.
296
00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:06,164
- Um.
297
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:06,948
- This fuckin' piece of shit
298
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:07,818
[bang]
299
00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:08,602
There it is, Randy.
300
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:09,429
Guess what it is, bud?
301
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:10,517
- [Randy] I think we need
302
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,431
- [Mr. Lahey] Tada!
303
00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:12,257
Hold that.
304
00:07:12,301 --> 00:07:13,084
- It's a pair of scissors.
305
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,434
- It, no, it's half.
306
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:15,304
- Oh, it doesn't open.
307
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:17,175
[Mr. Lahey belches]
308
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:18,263
It's a tuning fork.
309
00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:19,090
[Mr. Lahey laughs]
310
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,178
- It could be.
311
00:07:20,222 --> 00:07:21,092
[cling]
312
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:21,876
What else do you think it is?
313
00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:22,920
[cling]
314
00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:23,747
- Boomchaka boomchaka!
315
00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:24,531
[cling cling cling]
316
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:25,793
- Here try this. See.
317
00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:26,576
- Boomchaka Boomboppa
318
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:27,447
[cling cling cling]
319
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:28,273
Let me see, I can do this one.
320
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:29,100
[Mr. Lahey laughs]
321
00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:31,015
[clinging noises]
322
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,452
- [Mr. Lahey] Careful!
323
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:32,887
You know what they are?
324
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,323
[clinking]
325
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:35,324
- [Mr. Lahey] Anybody out
there in the audio radience
326
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,195
Know what that
little shitbag is?
327
00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:38,066
[clinking]
328
00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:38,893
Those are rectal dilators!
329
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:39,981
[Mr. Lahey laughs]
330
00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:41,199
- What!
331
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:43,245
Here, take these away from me,
Mr. Lahey!
332
00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:45,465
[Mr. Lahey laughing]
333
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:47,118
You we- That was mean!
334
00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:50,252
[Mr. Lahey laughing]
335
00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:52,646
Mr. Lahey.
336
00:07:53,734 --> 00:07:55,475
- Okay, Randy.
337
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:56,998
Time for our word of the week.
338
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:58,390
You want the big dictionary
339
00:07:58,434 --> 00:07:59,740
or the little dictionary?
340
00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:01,306
- I want the little dictionary,
Mr. Lahey.
341
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,048
- Don't forget! The
synchronousy of [slurs]
342
00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:05,441
of they cov- the com
343
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,225
of the idiotics cosmos, Randy.
344
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:08,792
Anything you point to do?
345
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,446
That's in this dictionary
346
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,273
- Oh!
347
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:12,100
is the magical magicus.
348
00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:12,970
- Ohh!
349
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:13,797
- Do you want me to open
350
00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:14,929
I'll just open it at random?
351
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:15,712
- Right there!
352
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:16,583
- Right there?
353
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:17,758
What, point to something. Point.
354
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:18,846
Can you see?
355
00:08:18,889 --> 00:08:19,673
- It says
356
00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:20,500
- What?
357
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:21,457
- Immeasurable.
358
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,893
- Your gut, Randy!
359
00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:23,720
Immeasurable.
360
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:24,373
- Not measurable.
361
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:24,939
Limitless.
362
00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,244
- Yeah, I know.
363
00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:28,856
Because you have the most
wonderful epiphanous.
364
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,292
- I grew two inches last year.
365
00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:31,380
It's true.
366
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:34,514
From 44 and a half to
46 and a half.
367
00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:36,298
Randy's got his immeasurable.
368
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,691
- Mr. Lahey, you gotta
try this burger.
369
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:38,518
[Mr Lahey in singing voice]
immeasurable, measurable.
370
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,171
[Mr. Lahey mumbles]
371
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,478
[Mr. Lahey singing]
372
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,914
You know, that's that's what.
373
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,221
Ohh, Randy.
374
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:48,702
I gotta drink a toast to
Randy's kitchen.
375
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:51,313
Make your own
burgers using shit.
376
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:52,662
- I need my liquor.
377
00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:53,750
- Okay. Here, Randy.
378
00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,535
I think you drank it all bud.
Here.
379
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,494
- Here, Mr. Lahey I'll come.
380
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,321
You could gave me a sippy poo.
381
00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:00,191
- Okay.
382
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:01,192
Just a little sippy poo.
383
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:03,499
[Mr. Lahey In Singing
Voice] Randy Balandy.
384
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,545
His ass as sweet as candy.
385
00:09:05,588 --> 00:09:07,242
Randy Bobandy
386
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:08,635
- Mr. Lahey!
387
00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:09,940
[whispers] Don't say that!
388
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,551
- Okay.
389
00:09:11,594 --> 00:09:13,161
- Ooh! Fuck you.
390
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,510
Head to toe health is kind of
391
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,467
what I'm known for.
392
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:16,817
Like, like, you know,
393
00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:17,687
some of them guys are just
394
00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:18,688
all upper body and then
395
00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:19,733
they have little chicken legs,
396
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:20,603
but I'm trying to like
397
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,344
pretty be much be even.
398
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:23,171
Hey, fuck, man
399
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:24,302
I'm doing something.
400
00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:25,260
I'm trying to be like, even
401
00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,175
throughout my whole body, like,
402
00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:28,350
like watch this move.
403
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:30,570
Like that.
404
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:31,440
You know?
405
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:32,659
Not a lot of guys can do that.
406
00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:33,355
You know?
407
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:33,964
They'd be like,
408
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:35,226
how'd you do that?
409
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:36,837
And then it's like
mental, physical strength
410
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,968
all together.
411
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:38,839
One more.
412
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,145
Ugh! Fuck.
413
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:42,277
Little slippery bitch.
414
00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:45,672
Ugh.
415
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:50,372
[Grunting noses]
416
00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:55,072
[bang]
417
00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:58,902
What the fuck?
418
00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,861
[bang]
419
00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:04,604
What the fuck?
420
00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:07,128
Holy fuck.
421
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:17,007
Yeah, so fuck,
tonight's the night.
422
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,749
I, I feel like it's an
opportune time for me to
423
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:20,924
fuckin' break free,
424
00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:21,751
get out, you know,
425
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:22,883
fight for my life
426
00:10:22,926 --> 00:10:24,624
and fuck the prison life.
427
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:25,450
So, you know,
428
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:26,582
if you, if you read about me
429
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,844
in the news later,
430
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:30,455
like, Terry's got a
bullet in his back, like,
431
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:31,761
just think
432
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,763
of Bons Scott, like, you know,
433
00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:34,590
made it out.
434
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,460
It's all that mattered.
435
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:36,592
I'm running for freedom tonight.
436
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,813
So probably won't see
you again there,
437
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:40,857
Rick bud, cause like,
438
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:42,119
you wouldn't fit
through the cracks,
439
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:43,860
so I'm kind of
leaving without you,
440
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:45,993
but you're a good guy to me,
441
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,168
you know, like,
442
00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:47,995
kind of a brother.
443
00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:50,475
So don't cry for me, Ricky,
444
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,346
I'm already gone.
445
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:56,046
[grunting]
446
00:10:57,874 --> 00:11:00,094
[grunting]
447
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:04,098
[grunting]
448
00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:09,799
- Ugh! Son of a bitch.
449
00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:10,670
- Ugh! Holy fuck!
450
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:12,628
Oh, fuck.
451
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:15,675
Oh, fuck!
452
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:16,588
Help! Me tight!
453
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:18,852
Ahh!
454
00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:20,201
Oh, fuck!
455
00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:21,071
Ricky!
456
00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:24,553
Ricky!
457
00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:25,946
Guys!
458
00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,861
Oh, fuck!
459
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,558
I'm in the walls!
460
00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:30,907
Help!
461
00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:31,734
Help!
462
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,694
Help!
463
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,957
[Coughing]
464
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,829
- Well pretty much
figure I'll just
465
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,918
enjoy my privacy tonight, and
466
00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:44,486
hopefully, you know, once
I lose a pound or two,
467
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,053
I can wiggle my way back out.
468
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:49,056
Fuck's sakes.
469
00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:50,622
The good news is I fuckin'
470
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:51,711
have a little hiding hole
471
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:53,364
to hang out on my own.
472
00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:55,497
The bad news is I ain't
really that free.
473
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:01,677
[insects chirring]
474
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,072
So yeah, like,
475
00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:06,508
I spent a whole day
and a half there
476
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:07,727
fuckin' stuck in the wall
477
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:08,989
and I was like
478
00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:09,903
kind of panicking.
479
00:12:09,946 --> 00:12:11,339
Thought maybe I was gonna die.
480
00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:12,862
And then like, you know,
outta nowhere
481
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:15,299
this little rat kind
of came up to me and I,
482
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:16,561
you know, I think it
almost might have like,
483
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:17,693
kickstarted my heart
484
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,173
on the final beat.
485
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,827
Found a little buddy down here,
keep him,
486
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,133
keeping me safe,
keeping me warm.
487
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:24,526
And you know, it kind of like,
488
00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:25,745
gave him a little name here.
489
00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:27,703
Little Ricky kind of
reminds me of Ricky.
490
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,530
You know?
491
00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:29,705
Like he's got feisty sort of
492
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:30,662
feisty spirit.
493
00:12:30,706 --> 00:12:31,663
[sniffing]
494
00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:32,490
You smell that?
495
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:34,057
You smelling for some hash?
496
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:35,058
[rat squeaks]
497
00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:36,016
Yeah, I wish I had some too,
bud.
498
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:38,975
You wanna come back
with me to jail?
499
00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:39,802
[rat squeaks]
500
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:40,629
What's that?
501
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:41,456
[rat squeaks]
502
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:42,762
Oh no, you're a free spirit.
503
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:43,850
- Yes. I was gone.
504
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,286
I was gone for 40 days
and 40 nights.
505
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:47,244
And Ricky Brown was
serving his time
506
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:48,332
in the prisons.
507
00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:50,552
Now Ricky Brown would
like to consider
508
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:52,249
the fact that since the
prison was named
509
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:53,642
the South Garden Penitentiary
510
00:12:53,685 --> 00:12:54,948
he was spending 40 days
and 40 nights
511
00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:56,166
in the garden.
512
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,255
And I find that no
coincidence whatsoever.
513
00:12:58,299 --> 00:13:01,432
Jesus Christ of course was
somewhat of criminal himself.
514
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:02,999
And sometimes we let
ourselves go
515
00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:06,089
and we need to take
the time for ourselves.
516
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,135
Whether or not that's
time that has been slapped
517
00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:10,006
upon us by a corrupt
police department or
518
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,139
or simply because a man is black
519
00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:15,795
or because the man might
wanna go on his own.
520
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:17,927
The fact is is that
521
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,059
while I was there
522
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:21,148
Ricky Brown had time to reflect.
523
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:23,803
He had time to think.
524
00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:25,195
He had time to, to
525
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,501
to consider
526
00:13:26,544 --> 00:13:29,896
new ways of bring the
Lord into your house.
527
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:33,247
I'd like to bring your attention
528
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,857
to Leviticus!
529
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,903
Verse 24.
530
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:38,165
Uh, uh.
531
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:39,819
Number 12.
532
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:42,038
[clears throat]
533
00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:43,735
and Leviticus tells us
534
00:13:43,779 --> 00:13:45,041
Fuck this Bible, man.
535
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:47,478
Who's fuckin' with my-
536
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:49,741
[clears throat]
537
00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:52,919
Leviticus 12, book 24.
538
00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:53,833
[stutters]
539
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,705
[clears throat]
540
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,838
This aint even the right shit,
man.
541
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:02,319
[slams book pages]
542
00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:03,494
Forget that.
543
00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:04,931
Listen man, Ricky Brown.
544
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:05,801
Listen, Rick.
545
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:06,584
The, the fact is that
546
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,238
that Ricky Brown lives in,
547
00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:09,413
he goes to prison.
548
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:10,545
He comes back to prison.
549
00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:12,634
The, I don't give a fuck
what anyone say.
550
00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:13,461
All right?
551
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:14,636
Anyone can judge me.
552
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:15,289
A lot of people
553
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,507
Judge Ricky Brown
554
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:18,379
on his first couple
shows will tell you what
555
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,381
Ricky b- got the balls
556
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:21,730
and the nuts to come up in here.
557
00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:23,775
And he got the balls of Delilah
558
00:14:23,819 --> 00:14:25,429
and he got the dick of Samson
559
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:26,604
and he come up on stage
560
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:28,868
and he has the audacity to, to
561
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:32,088
to come and, and, and, and, and,
562
00:14:32,132 --> 00:14:33,655
[stutters]
563
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:34,482
Man, fuck, man.
564
00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:35,962
This shit is hard.
565
00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:39,052
[clears throat]
566
00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:41,576
Deuteronomy 23. Number 1.
567
00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,839
He, that is wounded
in the stones
568
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,276
or hath his privy member removed
569
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,277
shall not be welcomed
570
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:48,104
in the church.
571
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:48,888
Basically what that means is
572
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:50,237
Ricky Brown has big balls
573
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,325
and he's welcomed in the church.
574
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:52,108
You get no balls,
575
00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:54,023
you get the fuck out.
576
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:54,894
All right?
577
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,330
Ricky has a, uh,
578
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,374
couldn't be here.
579
00:14:58,288 --> 00:14:59,115
I mean, I'm sorry
580
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:00,290
if you have testicular cancer,
581
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:01,552
I guess that means you're not
582
00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:03,293
allowed in church either,
but you know, we'll,
583
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:05,861
we'll pray for you on
your speedy recovery.
584
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:08,733
Let us hang our head in prayer.
585
00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:17,307
[drink pouring]
586
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:20,832
[swallowing]
587
00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:23,748
[snorting]
588
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:24,619
Lord. We are
589
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:27,535
generally thankful that
590
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:29,493
Is it hot in here?
591
00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:30,581
[clears throat]
592
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,105
We're generally thankful that.
Uh.
593
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,282
Lord, if you'll, uh.
594
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:41,244
Lord let us hang our
head in prayer.
595
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:42,115
We can
596
00:15:44,856 --> 00:15:45,640
be able,
597
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:47,033
excuse me for a minute.
598
00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:48,860
This is all part of the.
599
00:15:48,904 --> 00:15:49,731
Huh.
600
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,430
[swallowing]
601
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,435
[cleaning throat]
602
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,046
Ladies and gentlemen we have a
603
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:03,788
[banging and bumping noise]
604
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:11,448
[background organ
music continues]
605
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,583
[snorting]
606
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,933
[snorting]
607
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,953
[snorting]
608
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:51,532
Huh?
609
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:52,359
What's up?
610
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:54,448
[mumbles]
611
00:16:55,579 --> 00:16:57,320
Little too fast.
Sometimes I come on
612
00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:58,234
[mumbles]
613
00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:01,020
I just
614
00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:03,196
[mumbles]
615
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:08,288
[mumbles]
616
00:17:12,161 --> 00:17:13,032
Oh!
617
00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:26,436
- [Man Off Stage] Doing okay,
Ricky?
618
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,967
- Deuteronomy, uh, ver,
619
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,099
chapter 25.
620
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,013
When you
621
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:41,103
go through your
neighbor's vineyard,
622
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:43,758
you may eat as many a
grapes as you wish
623
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:45,803
but do not put them
in your basket.
624
00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:55,596
Is the time, is it
lunchtime yet?
625
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:05,345
I'm gonna just use the,
step off for a minute.
626
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,394
- Hey, this is Bubbles.
627
00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:13,614
Welcome to kitty of the week.
628
00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:14,963
[Bubbles laughs]
629
00:18:15,006 --> 00:18:16,834
[cats meowing]
630
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,053
[cats purring]
631
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,490
Hey, welcome to kitty
of the week.
632
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,536
We're at the Bide Awhile
Shelter here again.
633
00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:25,104
We got an excellent kitty
being featured this week.
634
00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:26,714
This guy here.
635
00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:28,107
Look at this guy!
636
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:29,717
[Bubbles laughs]
637
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,111
He doesn't have a name yet, so
638
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:33,634
you know, you can
give him your own
639
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:35,331
or you can ask me to
give him one,
640
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,116
which I will happily do.
641
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:39,553
If I was keeping to myself,
642
00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:40,423
I would call him
643
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,337
Blacky Lawless,
644
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:42,208
cause he's
645
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,948
he kind of does what he wants.
646
00:18:43,992 --> 00:18:45,211
He's a feisty little guy.
647
00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:47,038
So he's gonna need,
648
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:49,432
you know, he's gonna
need something.
649
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:52,261
Let's see if he's
into scratchin'
650
00:18:52,305 --> 00:18:53,871
You wanna get into a scratcher?
651
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:56,178
Look, I'll just wrap this
right around ya.
652
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:57,048
No, he's not.
653
00:18:57,092 --> 00:18:58,485
See? You can tell right away.
654
00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:00,313
He's not into scratchin'.
655
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:02,228
Although he does
enjoy belly work.
656
00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:03,229
I noticed if you
657
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,014
if you get him here like this
658
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:06,797
and you just give him tugs
659
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,016
on his belly.
660
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:09,060
Like that, see that?
661
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,237
He calms right down.
662
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,325
He enjoys belly work.
663
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:13,674
That's a,
664
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,023
that's a sign of a good kitty.
665
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,894
If you can give him tugs
on his belly like that.
666
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:18,157
And he likes that.
667
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,508
Tugga tugga tugga tugga tugga
668
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:22,683
[Bubbles laughs]
669
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:23,553
He likes that.
670
00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:24,641
Maybe you need some nip.
671
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:26,513
Maybe some nip.
672
00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:28,036
Well, you're already
pretty fired up though.
673
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:31,692
Let's see what I got in
the tackle trunk here.
674
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,651
How about green mousey?
675
00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:35,304
Oh yeah.
676
00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:36,305
That got your
677
00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:38,394
That got your attention,
didn't it?
678
00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,222
Green mousey.
679
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:42,442
No.
680
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:43,747
Nope.
681
00:19:43,791 --> 00:19:45,923
See that's exactly why I
call him Blacky Lawless.
682
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:46,750
He just does
683
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,189
The natural laws of
kitty physics
684
00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:52,669
don't really apply to this guy.
685
00:19:52,713 --> 00:19:54,193
He just does his own thing.
686
00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:56,369
[Bubble chuckles]
687
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:57,500
but he's an excellent
688
00:19:57,544 --> 00:19:58,501
look at him
689
00:19:58,545 --> 00:19:59,285
He's just
690
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:00,547
He likes it all.
691
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,940
Well, you can just give
him tugs everywhere.
692
00:20:02,984 --> 00:20:03,941
He's definitely a
693
00:20:03,985 --> 00:20:06,640
Bubble certified
kitty right there.
694
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:07,858
Blacky Lawless.
695
00:20:14,169 --> 00:20:16,476
[cat meows]
696
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:18,173
- Remember how I always wanted
697
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,218
to fight a grizzly bear?
698
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:20,088
And I was thinking
about getting one
699
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:20,915
as a pet so that
700
00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:22,090
I could practice on it
701
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:22,873
as it's growing
702
00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:24,179
growing bigger.
703
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,355
Eventually I'd be able
to fight him full on.
704
00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:27,748
No.
705
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,271
Do you know that a
grizzly bear's bite
706
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:30,141
is strong enough to
707
00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,882
crush a fuckin' bowling ball?
708
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:33,667
- Jesus.
709
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:34,711
- [Ricky] I don't know what
710
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:35,451
a bowling ball's made out of,
but
711
00:20:35,495 --> 00:20:36,365
- A grizzly bear?
712
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:36,887
- [Ricky] It seems pretty hard.
713
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,062
- Oh my God.
714
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:39,803
A grizzly bear can bite
a bowling ball?
715
00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:41,022
- Crush it.
716
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:42,197
Turn it to dust.
717
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,243
- How could his teeth
be that strong?
718
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:45,156
Bowling balls are made outta
719
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,680
- Super teeth.
720
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,029
- They're made outta stone.
721
00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:49,944
They're made of, like,
marble or whatever.
722
00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:51,598
- They must drink a lot of milk.
723
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:53,817
- Milk doesn't
724
00:20:53,861 --> 00:20:54,557
- Strong teeth.
725
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:55,471
- give you strong teeth.
726
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:57,778
Like that type of strong teeth.
727
00:20:57,821 --> 00:21:00,084
- Why the fuck isn't
this cooking to the even?
728
00:21:01,521 --> 00:21:03,523
- Ricky, why don't. Ugh, Jesus.
729
00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:06,917
Forget my, forget my
half quick fry.
730
00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:08,484
- I'm not, I'm not
having any of that.
731
00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,138
- I don't want a half
quick fry any more.
732
00:21:10,181 --> 00:21:11,922
- And then little Mo
wanted a Clownfish.
733
00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:14,751
So I'm like, okay, do you
want a fuckin'
734
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:16,405
boy or girl?
735
00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:17,841
And he said, they're only
736
00:21:17,885 --> 00:21:18,929
there's only boy
737
00:21:18,973 --> 00:21:19,800
Clownfishes.
738
00:21:19,843 --> 00:21:21,149
They all get born to boy,
739
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,020
which I didn't know.
740
00:21:23,064 --> 00:21:24,152
And I guess it's true.
741
00:21:24,195 --> 00:21:26,807
But some of them do
turn to females to
742
00:21:26,850 --> 00:21:28,156
enable mating
743
00:21:28,199 --> 00:21:29,723
- So their wieners fall off?
744
00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:32,160
- I don't know how it works.
745
00:21:32,203 --> 00:21:34,293
I'd like to get one, to
see it in action.
746
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:35,381
- Well, they're Clownfish,
747
00:21:35,424 --> 00:21:36,251
so he probably just goes,
748
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:36,773
[makes whoosh noise]
749
00:21:36,817 --> 00:21:37,905
"Surprise!"
750
00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:38,732
- [Ricky] And then I was
thinking about
751
00:21:38,775 --> 00:21:39,559
maybe getting
752
00:21:39,602 --> 00:21:40,429
an Armadillo
753
00:21:40,473 --> 00:21:42,301
just to have a unique pet.
754
00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:43,389
- [Julian] Why?
755
00:21:43,432 --> 00:21:44,694
- Because they're
cool looking and
756
00:21:44,738 --> 00:21:45,956
apparently they're friendly
757
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,044
and they like to snuggle.
758
00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:49,177
- It says they like to snuggle?
759
00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:51,135
- [Ricky] No, I, I just
think they might.
760
00:21:51,179 --> 00:21:55,226
But anyway, these Nine
Banded bastards, they always
761
00:21:55,270 --> 00:21:59,405
give birth to
identical quadruplets.
762
00:21:59,448 --> 00:22:00,449
Every fuckin' time.
763
00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:01,711
Identical quadruplets.
764
00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:02,973
So if I got a fuckin'
765
00:22:03,017 --> 00:22:03,844
Armadillo
766
00:22:03,887 --> 00:22:05,324
I can't have four babies.
767
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:06,237
It'd be fucked.
768
00:22:07,282 --> 00:22:08,065
And I have all
769
00:22:08,109 --> 00:22:09,284
of a sudden five fuckin'
770
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,111
- Yeah.
771
00:22:10,154 --> 00:22:11,199
cocksuckers running around.
772
00:22:11,242 --> 00:22:12,113
- It would be fucked.
773
00:22:12,156 --> 00:22:14,289
- The fuck is he talking about?
774
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:15,551
- I'm not getting an Armadillo.
775
00:22:15,595 --> 00:22:17,292
- Don't get a fuckin'
Armadillo then, Ricky.
776
00:22:18,685 --> 00:22:19,860
Where would you even find
an Armadillo around here?
777
00:22:19,903 --> 00:22:20,730
- You know what?
778
00:22:20,774 --> 00:22:21,557
This fuckin'.
779
00:22:21,601 --> 00:22:22,341
You don't need a microwave.
780
00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:23,211
Look at this shit.
781
00:22:23,254 --> 00:22:23,864
That's the best thing in here.
782
00:22:23,907 --> 00:22:25,039
- What is?
783
00:22:25,082 --> 00:22:26,954
- The sweet and sour fuckin'
concoction.
784
00:22:26,997 --> 00:22:28,172
Fuck microwaves!
785
00:22:28,216 --> 00:22:28,999
Microwaves can suck my cock.
786
00:22:29,043 --> 00:22:30,261
I was gonna buy another one?
787
00:22:30,305 --> 00:22:31,001
- Why don't you just
smash everything up, man.
788
00:22:31,045 --> 00:22:32,133
- [Bubbles] I know Ricky,
789
00:22:32,176 --> 00:22:34,048
but you would've had it
cooked long ago.
790
00:22:34,091 --> 00:22:36,267
- [Ricky] These egg
rolls are taking forever.
791
00:22:36,311 --> 00:22:37,356
- This guy, Sergeant
Rizzle says,
792
00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:40,010
"What kind of car does
Ricky drive?"
793
00:22:40,054 --> 00:22:43,840
- 1975 Chrysler New Yorker.
794
00:22:43,884 --> 00:22:45,712
I like big cars.
795
00:22:45,755 --> 00:22:47,061
- [Bubbles in A raspy
voice] I like big cars
796
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:48,715
and I don't know why
797
00:22:48,758 --> 00:22:50,151
[Bubbles laughs]
798
00:22:50,194 --> 00:22:50,978
Get it?
799
00:22:51,021 --> 00:22:52,371
- Yeah, I get it Bubs.
800
00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:54,242
- Okay, boys, well.
801
00:22:54,285 --> 00:22:56,026
- [Ricky in a deeper
Voice] My name is Ricky.
802
00:22:56,070 --> 00:22:57,376
I'm tricky.
803
00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:58,725
- All right.
804
00:22:58,768 --> 00:22:59,813
- That would be uh.
805
00:22:59,856 --> 00:23:00,640
[Bubbles In A Raspy
Voice] I'm Ricky,
806
00:23:00,683 --> 00:23:01,510
I walk around.
807
00:23:01,554 --> 00:23:02,293
I smoked some dope.
808
00:23:02,337 --> 00:23:03,338
I walk around
809
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,166
- [Bubbles And Ricky
Both] I'm Ricky.
810
00:23:05,209 --> 00:23:06,515
- I'm Ricky, Ricky, Ricky,
Ricky.
811
00:23:06,559 --> 00:23:07,473
- All right, boys, on that note,
this,
812
00:23:07,516 --> 00:23:08,387
it's time to end this.
813
00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:09,388
We gotta go now.
814
00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:10,345
- Why?
815
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:11,259
- It's time's up.
816
00:23:11,302 --> 00:23:12,826
Perfect timing, now we can eat.
817
00:23:12,869 --> 00:23:14,393
- [Bubbles] Okay, well get,
like,
818
00:23:14,436 --> 00:23:16,133
get, serving her up!
819
00:23:16,177 --> 00:23:17,265
- Try this shit.
820
00:23:17,308 --> 00:23:18,440
Fuck.
821
00:23:18,484 --> 00:23:20,486
- Ricky, you're gonna eat
with the tongs.
822
00:23:20,529 --> 00:23:22,401
- I was going to, but
it didn't work right.
823
00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:24,054
Oh, fuck, that's still on!
824
00:23:25,099 --> 00:23:25,926
- [Julian] You dumb ass.
825
00:23:25,969 --> 00:23:26,796
[Ricky laughs]
826
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:27,710
- Fuck, man. That sucked.
827
00:23:27,754 --> 00:23:29,364
- You're gonna burn yourself.
828
00:23:31,235 --> 00:23:32,019
How is it?
829
00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:35,022
- It is fuckin' good.
830
00:23:35,065 --> 00:23:36,371
- All right, well,
831
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,721
tune in next week when
Ricky has food poisoning.
52822
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