Original subtitles

- Warning the following program contains really

coarse language, weed, alcohol consumption,

smoking and sexual inferferlenses.

This content may not be suitable

for viewers under 18.

To activate parental controls please press

the big go [bleep] yourself button

on your remote control.

- You ever hear of the game

if you could have?

That's one I invented.

- [Ricky] If you could have?

- [Bubbles] Yeah.

- [Ricky] All right.

- So you just pick a different thing,

you know each time you play so we can

just pick like a.

- [Julian] Bubs and you invented this game?

- [Bubbles] Yes.

- It's been around forever man.

Ever since it's been a lottery

this this game has been going on.

- No.

- It's basically if you win the lottery,

what do you want?

Right it's basically the same fucking thing.

- [Bubbles] No it isn't.

- [Bubbles] No it's totally things you can get

without just cause you won lottery.

Doesn't mean you can have air.

Okay if you could have a fuckin' superpower

could you have that if you won the lottery?

- [Ricky] Okay so what are you saying?

If you could have a superpower

you're wondering what it would be.

- [Bubbles] Yes and then you discuss.

- [Julian] Well obviously amongst yourselves.

- See that's complicated cause you're

gonna pick flying.

It'd be fuckin' cool to fly.

But what if you could trade in flying

for like three?

Like you could run 55 mile an hour,

maybe walk on water and fart on demand

or something like that.

- Fart on demand?

That'd be like that's not considered

a superpower man.

- So you would trade in flying

to be able to run 55 miles an hour,

walk on water and fart on command?

- Well I'm just saying you'd have to really

think about it wouldn't you?

- I don't think you would Ricky.

You wouldn't trade in flying for that.

- Well fuckin' running 55 miles an hour

would be cool.

- And leaving a big stink trail behind you.

- No you're in a room full of people

that fucking pissing you off

and just start dropping bombs.

Little bomb.

- You do that anyway.

- I know but then you could do it more.

- It's not even a superpower Ricky.

- Well some of them are,

okay what would you guys have?

- What would you be Julian?

- What?

- If you could have a superpower?

What would it be?

- [Ricky] Besides incredible strength

which you already have.

- Fuck off.

I'd be okay.

What if the superpower was was I could.

- Flex.

- Fuck off Bubs.

- Mega flex.

He just flexes and his arms blow everything

in the room up.

- I'm passing.

- His biceps just destroy everything in the room.

Lightning bolts come out of them.

- I knew you guys would get fuckin'

carried away with this shit.

Out of the game not playing.

- What about a machine gun penis?

- Why?

- I don't know.

- What does it shoot Ricky?

- Whatever you want it to I guess but

yeah you could take that in a bunch

of different ways.

- Like a machine gun penis.

- I want hear what yours would be.

- No man I've told you.

- Why cause you got mad cause we said the mega flex.

- You're gonna keep on going.

- [Ricky] It could shoot super glue.

- [Bubbles] What could?

- His machine gun penis.

So it would look like.

- What would your name be if you were a superhero,

what would your name be if you had

a machine gun penis?

MGP?

- It's not bad.

- [Julian] MGP.

- Super gun super gun.

- [Julian] Super gun.

- Super gun holy fuck here comes super gun.

Everybody duck he's blasting us with.

- Better get out your umbrella.

- That'd be a fucked up superpower Ricky.

- Shoot hot glue outta the machine gun penis.

- What would you do Bubs?

What would you have?

- Well I never really thought about it.

I was more thinking about inventing the game.

I wasn't actually thinking about playing it,

but I mean if I was gonna do it,

you know I would probably be,

you know fly at the speed of light.

- [Ricky] Okay.

- That's a great nobody has that superpower.

Fly at the fuckin' speed of light.

You could fly up and meet the tall whites

or anybody you wanted to up in the

you know space.

- Yeah they they just discovered a bunch

of new planets didn't they?

Isn't that what you were telling me?

- Who did?

- [Ricky] I thought you told me they discovered

like 1400 planets or some shit.

- I didn't tell you that Ricky.

- Ah fuck I dreamt that I guess.

Flying at the speed of light.

- Wait a second you had a dream that

you discovered 1400 new planets.

- Maybe.

- Do you remember when any of them were called?

- [Ricky] No.

But I think there was possible life

or potentiallyality for life or something like that.

So it's kind of cool if it's a true dream.

- [Julian] If its a true dream that's so fucked.

- I think flying at the speed light would be 10.

- I don't think that's even a superpower

though is it?

- Well it would be nobody can do it.

- Seeing through clothes would be cool.

- X-ray vision yeah.

- Well there's been that people have had x-ray vision.

- What about that stretch plastic-o-man?

Or whatever the fuck.

- [Julian] Like Stretch Armstrong?

- Yeah like right now if I wanted to throw that

fuckin' Plinko game across the room,

I could just go

[sounds of picking up and throwing]

- Stretch plastic-o-man.

- [Ricky] Wasn't he a super super guy.

- But that's a but everybody there's been

lots of superpowers where you can you know

extend your arms.

Inspector Gadget can do that for fuck sakes.

- Fly at the speed of light, machine gun penis, super glue.

- [Julian] To be invincible that'd be

something pretty cool.

Nothing could fuck with you like nothing.

- Until ultra not invincible man comes at you.

Who's even more invincible than you are.

- Say why would you fuckin' ruin my,

like you didn't have to ruin it man.

Like Mr. Invincible is is a good fuckin'.

- [Ricky] My name would be the super fast

floaty fart man.

- [Snoop Dogg] Grab a handful.

I gotta say my my my.

Camera guy you gotta get you some boom boom.

Come on boom man.

Camera man.

Lovely lady get you a scoop.

Like two scoops of raisins you get me?

Yeah.

- [Cameraman] That's a big one there.

I like the way you roll.

- [Snoop] Gonna play a part in it

you hear me killa?

- [Man On Computer] Every sister just got

a hold of another sister.

Yeah big brother would you tap

another brother's ass.

- [Ricky] Hey fuckface.

- [Cameraman] What are we dealing with here?

[Loyal by Chris Brown ft. Snoop Dogg playing]

- Never as good as the first time.

Get to hang out with the Trailer Park Boys

we in deep.

[Never As Good As the First Time by Sade playing]

Never as good as the first time.

- [Julian] Bubbles is super fuckin' drunk.

Bubs I didn't realize you danced so well man.

- [Snoop Dogg] Got a nice mellow mood.

Everything is comfortable I feel relaxed.

- [Bubbles] This is one of the greatest fuckin'

moments of my life right here.

- [Julian] Me too.

- [Bubbles] Absolutely.

- Nothing feels as good as the first time,

this the first time we all smoking together y'all.

And it won't be the last time,

please believe me.

Crazy after dark in the trailer park.

It can get crazy after dark in the trailer park.

It can get crazy after dark in the trailer park.

It get crazy after dark in the trailer park.

It get crazy after dark in the trailer park.

With the Trailer Park Boys hello.

- Today yes we are going to be talking

about a special little drink.

Ladies and gentlemen Vat 69.

This is an amazing thing because,

well some of the things that come to mind,

there was a movie what was a movie?

The band of brothers and the guys

and the guy was the drunk guy was always

looking for the Vat 69 and and was Indian shit.

You like the bongywood movies where they go.

Ayy ayy ayyy

They they whenever they show rich people

drinking drinks they're drinking Vat 69,

because it is symbolic of upper classity.

I have to tell you one thing,

my memories of Vat 69 are exemplary.

I think that what happens if you go

to New York city in 1984 with your wife Barb.

Fuckin' shh mmm.

And just a little just like come on

do something never mind who the fuck,

I don't I don't care anymore.

I don't fuckin' need to care.

Anyway it was hot shit hot 1984.

That was sympathy.

Just refaced the Arc De Triomphe and the fuckin'

New York Harbor on Liberty Mountain.

We were over visiting there on Staten Island

I think it is.

And then we got back over and it was so fuckin'

hot at the brew strip was drippin' off of me.

We decided to go back to the hotel

and maybe I was hoping to get a little

something something cause nothing

was fuckin' nevermind.

Oh yeah.

So on the way back to the hotel what do we do?

I see this little fuckin' liquor boutique.

It's a little narrow door in the side between two,

you wouldn't fuckin' believe it.

Two huge parking buildings with offices

and delicatessens and all this shit.

And this little thing was a narrow long narrow

corridor that went about a half a fuckin' mile.

And every inch of every shelf on every side

was filled with this amazing fucking

pan-plapity panoply of liquor.

And guess what,

there was a whole fuckin' shelf of Vat 69 there.

And I bought fuckin' whole goddamn.

And you know what was the nicest part?

That it did turn out that that afternoon

in New York City I did get down

and I did get dirty and I did get a little bit

of what Vat 69 is all really about.

Which reminds me you know there's

a couple of stories about the visit of '69.

I remember this is kind of an ideational brew.

There's something about this liquor

that gives you a,

gives you an appreciation for the finer

things of life.

And if I may say the true love between people

ungenerous love like you know what I'm saying?

No hole barred nothing bad that is with Vat 69.

- Now for those of you haven't painted before

you're gonna fuckin' love it.

Cause painting basically what it is is like

you takes something like something like that.

And then you're gonna put it on

something like this which is like a canvas.

So it's almost like taking that

and putting it here with paint,

or taking a picture of that with paint.

So if you don't have a camera and you wanna

remember something,

painting is a good way to fuckin' do that.

So the first type of painting we're gonna do

is called is a still alive.

What I've been getting really good at lately is,

painting vases with flowers in them.

So we're gonna start with that.

So the first thing you wanna do is

take your fuckin' paint plate.

Take a big brush like this,

pick some fuckin' colors.

Today I'm feeling like orange I don't know,

it must be the fuckin' drugs I'm on.

Take some orange mix that with a bit of white.

Just start making big fuckin' circles like,

ah fuck off I forgot one thing.

You gotta staple your cock sucking canvas

to the board or it's gonna be all fucky.

Ah fuck!

Ugh make sure your finger's not behind

the fuckin' painting when you staple it

or you'll get cut.

Fuck sakes.

Just put the little bit of that there

for some character.

Once that's fuckin' secured.

You're fuckin' take your paint.

Make these cir oh fuck I got black in there now,

but that's fine it's still kinda cool.

Just want to make a bunch of fuckin'

circles like this.

Fuck off or you're gonna get broke,

and you wanna tape the shape of your vase,

tape that so it doesn't get paint all over it.

I'll get back to that later.

So I'm gonna finish this and Chipper

will probably fuckin' cut to the

next part when this is done.

So go smoke a joint have a drink

and we'll see you in a couple seconds.

That's pretty fuckin' good right there.

So once you got that done the top part

just put some kind of a weird little fuckin' base there.

You want to take your tape,

you wanna peel that the fuck off.

All right so once you got that,

you wanna take a smaller brush.

Fuck I guess I don't have a smaller brush.

So you have to end up making a smaller brush.

Always remember to take drinks

and smoke more joints.

It helps with painting.

So once you got that fuckin' thing made,

you just wanna start outlining this fuckin' vase.

Now you don't need to make it look too fuckin' good.

Cause it's gonna look good anyway.

Yeah I shouldn't have used fuckin' gray here,

should've used a different color

fucked up a little bit so maybe blue.

And see most people would look at this

and think this is a vase but I kind of

secretly try to make it look like a bit of a cock.

Cause I find cocks funny.

So there once you got that done

then you wanna take some fuckin maybe a blue.

All right so that's how you kind of

make your vase.

It sort of looks like a penis but nobody's

gonna know that except you.

The next thing you wanna do is take

another small brush,

which we seem to be not having a fuckin' lot of,

you guys could have had more fuckin' brushes

and better equipment here for this fuckin' show,

but it's alright.

I'll make one out of one of these

little meat painters.

Now you just wanna fuckin' get some

flower stems coming up outta here.

It doesn't have to look fuckin' great cause

it's all gonna be hidden with other shit.

Fuckin' Jesus Christ.

Normally I have professional tools

and I'm a lot better at this shit,

but still looking pretty fuckin' good there.

Actually looks like shit we have

to find a better fuckin' tool.

Maybe one of these bowl scrapers I don't know,

we'll try it.

Yeah it's not bad now.

It's fuckin' shitty too.

Fuckin' maybe a knife.

Yeah that's pretty fuckin' good actually.

So there you see some beautiful flower stamps.

Next you wanna put some fuckin' leaves

on those cock suckers,

and this is really starting to take

fuckin' shape here.

It's fuckin' beautiful actually already

which I wasn't expecting.

Then we'll put some little flowers up there.

Well I fucked up putting on a leaf,

but still looks awesome,

and then put some little fuckin' weird

things around those.

All right so I mean normally I'd take

another few hours and really put some more flowers

and shit on that but we don't have a lot

of times we gotta move on to the other types

of paintings but there you go.

Some people spend you know three or 400,

three or $4,000 on a painting like that for their

maybe maybe put it over your fireplace,

or in your kitchen, out on your patio.

Look fuckin' pretty good anywhere.

- If you tell three things about yourself

but make two of them lies.

- Okay.

- Only one of them is true.

Then we gotta guess you know which ones the true,

that's a good game.

Don't you think?

- Sounds like lots of fun Bubs okay.

- Well it's more fun than sitting here watching

that fuckin' thing turn around.

- [Ricky] You gotta figure out which one's true?

- [Julian] You should try it.

- Yes so you tell three things about yourself.

Two of them are not true.

- [Ricky] All right.

I'm not wearing any underwear.

Sorry how many are true just one?

- Just one true and two lies.

- [Ricky] I'm not wearing any under underwear.

- He came up with that awful quick.

Like he didn't even have to think that.

So I'm guessing that's the non lie.

- I've got a a bloody sock on

that's on top of a broken toe,

and I've got three Easter eggs in my pocket.

- [Julian] Okay.

- See this is a fuckin' great game.

I'm guessing.

- [Julian] Let's rule out okay

the obvious he doesn't what was I forget?

- They were he's not wearing any underwear,

he's got a bloody sock on,

on top of 'em which broken toe,

and he's got three Easter eggs in his pocket.

Any of those could be true but only one is.

- [Julian] He definitely doesn't have

three Easter eggs in his pocket.

- Okay So we'll elim but he could right?

He could've got fake.

- [Ricky] Errrrrr.

- [Julian] Are you fuckin' kidding me?

- [Bubbles] See that best game ever.

- [Ricky] It's like I knew we were

gonna play or something.

I didn't.

- [Bubbles] Wait a second Ricky you

don't have underwear on.

- Well shit so there's two that are,

see I fucked it up.

- [Julian] Do you have a bloody sock on?

- [Ricky] No.

I did last week that's where that one came from.

- Okay well now the game's called two truth

two truths and a lie and then it works.

- [Ricky] Do you guys want an Easter egg?

They're fuckin' delicious.

- [Bubbles] Where did you get them Ricky?

- Easter candy.

- [Bubbles] Yeah but Easter,

how long ago was fuckin' Easter?

- [Ricky] I'm pretty sure it was not

long ago was it.

[calming sea music]