All language subtitles for Trailer.Park.Boys.The.SwearNet.Show.Series.S02E01.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NPMS_track3_[eng]

- [Narrator] Warning!

The following program contains
really course language,

weed, alcohol consumption,
smoking, and sexual inferences.

This content may not be
suitable for viewers under 18.

To activate parental controls,

please press the go [beep]
yourself button

on your remote control.

[Trailer Park Boys theme]

- Still didn't get my fuckin'
horse.

- [Julian] Don't start
talking about the horse.

- [Bubbles] Nobody's trying
to get a fuckin' horse.

What's the best thing that
you could be given Ricky?

Like if somebody said,

"Here Ricky" and went
like that to you,

what would you like to
see in their hand?

Best thing in the world

- Besides cash and a horse?

- Yes, besides cash and horse.

- An island.

- [Julian] An island?

- No laws fucking good
seasons for growing-

- Some, I mean something
somebody could fuckin' hand you

something somebody could
deliver in here, not.

- Someone like God or
someone could just go

[Ricky makes blowing sound]

There's an island, bud.

- An island in your trailer?

- No, an island.

- [Julian] Now we're
talking about

someone walks into the trailer
and says, "Here you go, man."

- Yeah, like something somebody
could actually hand you.

- [Julian] You talk about
this, we'll give it to you.

- If you're getting a
package in the mail, Ricky,

what would you love it to be?

- Fuck, that's tough.

I mean, immediately I
start thinking about

different types of drugs
and maybe I haven't tried

or something cool like that,
but that's kind of lame,

so, and hash is out, so.

I got Lucy, so I can't really
get different women, um.

- [Bubbles] Ricky, think!

- I don't really need a boat.

- [Bubbles] Think bigger.

- I have a car.

- Like what if a guy
came in with a

fuckin' big box of all the-

- Firejet! That
would be awesome.

Imagine getting baked
and just fuckin'

taking off down fuckin'
Sunnyvale.

- [Bubbles] We're not gonna
get sponsored by fucking

[Ricky makes jet sounds]

McDonald Douglas or somebody.

- Do a fly pass over
fuckin' Lahey's trailer.

- Look, I mean, Ricky,

what if a guy came with
a huge box of

all the latest video games?

- Oh fuck

- Oh yeah. That's a good idea.

I'd play the shit out of them.

- See that's what I mean.

- Yup

- One of those video game
companies could,

we could be sponsored by them.

We could be sitting in
the living room

playing fucking video
games right now.

- [Ricky] Okay.

Okay.

- See what I'm saying? So
think like that.

- Okay.

- And what else would you like?

- Fucking video games
would be cool.

- [Julian] Okay. We just
said, mentioned that.

What else?

- [Ricky] Uh.

- There were some people
asking me, you know,

on the comments there. "Hey,
Bubbles.

We'd like to see you
in your shed,

anything new in your shed?"

So, I thought I'd give
you a little tour here.

So, I did put a, put a
new extension on her here.

If you can see that.

There's an extra about
18 inches there.

Which gives a nice, you
know, nice headroom.

She was getting a
little low there

before I jammed a fuckin'
skylight in her up there.

Put that in.

She leaks like an old, dirty,
old whore,

but I'll have to get that fixed

and she'll be good.

Put a window in the side here.
Let some natural light in.

And this, you know, this
here becomes a new shelf

for all my knick
knacks and whatnot.

That's a kitty, you know,

some different kitty
things I have there.

And porcelain kitties there.

That's where I keep
all my cat box.

Installed some hanging lamps.

It's just, I mean, it's
much more functional.

Now look, see, you've got
a bread holder in there.

Fuck my bread should be in
there actually.

So the kitties don't get at it.

That's where I keep my bread.

- ♪ Can you keep with, ♪

[Cory clears throat]

excuse me,

♪ Can you keep. ♪

[organ playing]

Praise God, that shit was
perfect, motherfucker.

You can play softly
under this shit.

Anytime.

[Soft, melancholic organ music]

Ricky Brown didn't
choose this life.

This life chose Ricky Brown.

Now Rick Brown do whatever
the fuck he wants, normally.

But when God wants you
to do something,

you'll do like a good
motherfucker.

See God spoke to me.

Much like he spoke to
Moses with a burning bush,

except it was a piece of toast.

I just finished eating a
piece of toast.

And suddenly that shit
caught a fire.

And I looked into the flames

and all of a sudden a voice

came bellowing out at me

and said, "Ricky, drop the dope,

get off the crack or
whatever it is

you smoking right this instant."

And the flames
lifted in my face.

And I rolled in the
corner in terror.

And I, I tremored,

I clawed myself for a
little while,

had a lot of scars and
saw bugs under my skin.

I believed they was locusts.

And God, he told me in a
comforting voice,

"Get yourself up nicka,

and you get in that shower.

And you bandaid up there,
those cuts.

And you clean out your nose.

And flush your fucking
toilet for God's sakes.

And feed the cat cuz
it's shitting everywhere

in the room.

And for God's sakes,

pay your child support
to all 15 of your kids

wherever they are."

And Rick had cleaned himself up.

And he started to saying
the names and in,

in the words of God before he
even knew what the shit was.

And he aight here
before you now.

Reflected on, on,

on my, my, my purpose in life.

Much like I want you to
reflect on yours and, and,

and Rick Brown will be
doing a good thing.

If, if he helps you
reflect in your life.

Which is why we use the book.

We to, to tell these stories.

Yes they have fucked up names

like Isaiah and Exarkiel
and fuckin' Jeezabell and

whatever the fuck
their names are.

We don't judge that.

We only judge what they
learn from the law.

Much like the way that I, you
know, we judge each other.

Is your neighbor cleaning
his car funny?

Are you pissin on your
neighbor's house?

- Why?

- Sure.

You can't find the keys
to get in the house.

And you had a long night
and you just gonna shit

your pants or your piss
your pants or whatever.

But you don't need to piss
on your parents

or your, your, your
neighbor's house.

Ricky Brown did that
once in his darker days

and got a rake to the face.

But now Ricky Brown's
feeling much better.

He even apologized. Well,
that's all the time I have.

And remember,

keep it real.

Keep it right.

Kiss your brother, man.

Love your other man.

And maybe even another man,
a woman.

God bless this nicka.

[upbeat music]

I can remember a time
that Ricky Brown

did things for himself.

Ricky Brown is a selfless man.

Ricky Brown is an unselfish
human being because Rick Brown

give his life to someone else.

And although Rick Brown give
his life to someone else.

In order to give his life
to someone else,

Rick Brown gotta make sure
that he's taken care of.

Rick Brown gotta do
shit for himself

in order to do shit for
everyone else.

So, technically Rick
Brown has to be unselfish.

But to be unselfish, he
must be selfish.

- Speaking about exquisite.

We, every day we have a spe-

oh look Randy I found
your cock opener.

Yep, this is the best
bottle opener in the world.

I know. It's great.

It's strong, really strong.

[Jim] It's got a heft.

- It looks like a penis.

[Jim laughs]

[Jim] No kidding.

So, we're gonna have a segment.

Every time we have a show,
every show.

And it's gonna call
called now, pick a word.

And this is a very
special dictionary.

- We're not doing that.

- Yeah, Randy, how do
we learn things, Randy?

We learn. Look, there's
nothing that a person can know,

feel or think that can't be

expressed in words in
a dictionary.

How many times have we
been through this, Randy?

And you're gonna-

[Jim burps]

point at random to a
word in the dictionary.

And that's gonna be your
word for the day.

So at random open the book,
random.

Random bobandom.

Okay. Would you like me
to read it for you, bud?

- Yeah.

- Okay. It says habilitate,
habilitate, habili-

To make suitable, to
qualify from suitably fit.

Habilitate.

That's good hey Randy?

- I don't. I don't get it.

It says clothed, furnished
with habiliments.

That means it wants you
to put your shirt back on.

- No, it doesn't Mr. Lahey.

[indistinct]

- To furnish with equipment.

I need a barbecue.

- Yeah.

- To make-

- Yeah, we're gonna
get a barbecue.

We're gonna-

[Jim slurring his words]

And then we'll put the
girl on the, on the stage.

- It says as for
working in a mine.

I don't wanna work in a mine.
Mr. Lahey.

It's underground.

- That's like that song that
Rita MacNeil sang. Remember?

♪ It's a working man I am. ♪

♪ And to go down underground ♪

That was, do you remember

she was hauling the dope
boat for Ricky

in's episode six or
whatever for four. Remember?

- I remember.

- Randy look, this is
how you learn.

Ladies and gentlemen,

if you wanna know
something specific look.

You should, every day you
should look up a separate word

and, and increase your
vocabularies.

Okay? What's next? We've done-

- See this is what I
don't understand.

- What's that Randy?

- You go down here and
it says habit.

And I thought habit was when

you know I've got a
cheeseburger habit.

I eat cheeseburgers.

- I know. I agree.

- You have a liquor habit.

- Somewhat.

- And with, I mean, you,
you have breakfast Baileys

with your Captain Crunch.

- Okay, move to your point.

- Every morning and liquor
ball sandwiches for lunch.

These are habits.

But here it says garb.

What's a garb?

- That's talking
about your shirt.

- Dress, clothes,

- Dress and clothes.

- Specifically the
costume commonly worn

or appropriate for a particular
time use or vocation.

[Jim claps]

This is exactly what
I'm talking.

That's why you should be
wearing a shirt.

- Clerical habit.

That's got nothing to do with

eating cheeseburgers every day.

- It says clothing that's
appropriate to the occasion.

- I don't think
dictionaries are as smart

as what everyone
thinks they are.

Dictionaries, look, Randy-

- I think someone didn't know
what habit's supposed to mean.

So they just write down a
bunch of stuff. Mr. Lahey.

- Think Randy,

- The dress worn by a woman
when riding on horseback.

- Yeah.

- A habit.

- Yeah.

- I thought those
were those pants

that looked like RCMP pants.

- Yeah, They're called
riding cross britches Randy.

Okay. Enough of the book.

We're gonna mum

[indistinct]

- This is dumb. We're not
doing this anymore. Mr. Lahey

You said we don't need laws.
We gotta make this exciting.

No one gives a shit about
a frigging book.

The how old is this book?

- You people, you can
see through this.

You can see that this book
is so specific.

It is encouraging Bobandis to
wear a shirt as appropriate

garmenology right Randus?

- Mmm Hmm

- You bet.

[Bubbles sniffing]

[footsteps on gravel]

- Hello?

Mr. Lahey, is everything
alright in there?

[knocking on door]

[Bubbles coughs]

[Bubbles running and panting]

Boys, Phil?

Phil wake up.

Randy, Randy!

Lahey!

My God.

Crazy.

Like you're in
cheeseburger parties.

[footsteps]

Boys, boys, come on.

Need your help.

- Bubbles

- 9 1 1.

- What's going on?

- [Julian] We can't
understand you. Come in here.

- Julian

[Bubbles panicked jibberish]

Gone awry barbecue.

Burgers, goddamn
greasy horror show.

Burgers, liquor everywhere.

Come on.

[All running]

[Ricky coughing]

[Bubbles coughing]

[Bubbles wheezing]

[Randy kicks bottle]

What's the fuck went on in here?

Some kind of a crazy, liquor,
cheeseburger party Ricky.

- Let's get them on side boys.
Come on.

[Phil burps loud]

[Julian falls into bottles]

Well, you gotta get Randy
out of the way.

Come on.

- He's too fat.

- Can you guys gimme a
fucking hand here come on.

Fuckin' help me.

Watch it.

[Phil burps]

Methadone gas is gonna fuckin'
blow up.

[Phil burps]

- Jesus. The smell of the
liquor of barbecue sauce, boys.

Fuck, I can't take it.

- Boys, they breath in a
lot of carbon monoxide.

We're gonna have to give
them mouth to mouth.

- I'm not fucking
kissing these guys.

- [Julian] Ricky it's
not kissing them.

It's saving their lives.

We gotta do this.

- I'm not doing it out
here in the open

where people can see.

Let's get the fuckin'
wheelbarrow. Move them
somewhere.

- [Julian] All right. We'll
take them back to your place,

but let's hurry up.
We're wasting time.

- Let's load em up.

[lawn mower motor]

- [Bubbles] Okay. We'll
get through here.

- [Ricky] Fuck, it's
every now there's no way

I'm doing that shit on
Phil Collins.

All right. We'll draw
cigarettes then.

- Then those are my cigarettes.

- Shut up, Ricky.

- How does this work, dude?

- Okay. Short one gets Phil.

- Whoa

- Thank fuck.

[Bubbles pants]

- For fuck sakes I gotta
do it on Phil?

He smells like mackerel.

- You want Randy or Lahey?

- Fuckin' take Lahey I guess.

- Idea boys. Here take
the tin foil.

Poke a hole and put it
over the mouth.

That way. There's no lip
to lip contact.

- [Ricky] Great idea buddy.

- [Julian] Lets go, lets go,
lets go!

- Okay, boys, look pinch the
nose, tilt the head back.

Lock on and start blowing
air into them.

[all blowing]

- Oh my God. What happened?

Crazy cheeseburger
probably got outta hand

Lucy call an
ambulance right now.

- Oh God,

- You gotta keep driving
the air to them boys.

[Phil burps loud]

- Jesus Christ Phil exploded.

[Julian and Ricky coughing]

- [Ricky] My gosh stink.

Oh, my fuck it worked.

Get some fresh air you
fucking dummies.

what are we doing barbecuing?

- Come on, Phil you a
big guggling bastard.

- Oh Lahey.

God , Ricky do I got
mackerel ju-

- Did some welding on the bunks.

Got them reinforced, put
a fancier end on them.

And my ski goggles there
in case I need them

Over here look, my
dance records.

I've been practicing
some dance moves.

Put those on it teaches
you how to dance.

You know, one, two, one, two,
three,

one, two, one, two, three

That type stuff.

You know, it's mostly
all just kitty stuff.

You know, there's an old
picture of me and Julian

that I found.

But it's mostly just,
you know, kitty stuff.

Got my karaoke machine.
Got that brand new.

So I've been, you know,
practicing.

Singing, there's an open
mic contest coming up that

I'm gonna enter.

Oh yeah. Look at this.
That's an original.

That's an original Bionic man.

Bionic man adventure suit.

That was the suit you'd
put on Steve Austin.

Look at that.

From the 1970s.

I had one of these when I
was a little guy

and it got all fucked up.

Randy broke it when he
was a kid, you know,

got mustard stains on
it and whatnot.

So that's a brand new
one in the case.

That's probably worth
load of money.

I'm not gonna open that.
I'm gonna.

I'm gonna leave her
right in there. Oh.

- Get up there you son of a.

Oh yeah. Can you get a
shot of that too?

Look at that up there.

Somebody gave me that.

Wayne Gretzky. Wayne
Gretzky doll.

Gonna keep that in the pack too.

Cuz that's probably worth
a lot of money.

Kitties on the ceiling and a
fan. Look a fan sent me that.

Look that roll with my
kitties hard as fuck.

Which I am.

So anyway, that's
pretty much the,

the whole shed right there.

I mean, I don't know if
anybody's ever lived in a shed,

but it's fuckin', it's
good livin baby.

- Okay. JL.

I caught my 16 year old stepson
smokin a weed in the house.

As the adult took his
weekend away.

This little shit had
thought this was a good time

to negotiate the terms of
his punishment

and asked if he could be
grounded for a weekend

sometime next month.

Because he has plans for
all the other weekends.

Jesus Christ, man.

Okay. Should I be a dick
stepdad that tells him no.

Or should I let him take his
weekend of grounding when it's

more convenient?

Because according to him

it was only dirt, weed
he was smokin'.

Are you fuckin' kidding me?

From your cop fan in
South Carolina.

Okay. This is, this is fucked.

See this, cops
aren't that smart.

Okay. Obviously.

And this, this guy right
here, he says here,

I don't want to be a dickhead
dad or stepdad should-

I mean, why don't you
just be a fuckin' cop?

If he's bothering you that much,

take out the fuckin',
take out the badge and say

listen to your little fucker.

Pin him up against the wall.

Read the mother fuckers
rights and say,

I will take you to jail
right now you little cunt.

If you wanna fuckin' do
this shit in my house.

Be a useless piece of shit.

Become the bad
Lieutenant man on him.

Okay. That this is easy.

I can't believe a cop
is asking me for advice.

Because I mean your,
the step son, he,

he needs an attitude adjustment.

Okay. He's in your fuckin'
house, smoking weed.

You're a cop.

- Did you ever get to
fly any like,

crazy top secret planes or
you probably can't tell me.

- I flew about a hundred
different types of airplanes.

But nothing too top secret.

Lots of different airplanes,
some old airplanes,

some new airplanes
F/A-18 a great airplane.

I love flying.

- I got to fly the Hawk too.

- You flew the hawk?

- I did fly the hawk.

- How'd you like the Hawk?

- I loved the Hawk.

We did. We did some
really low stuff,

like 50 feet off the ground.

- Yep.

- Which was awesome.

We did. But, I mean,
in the Hornet,

I got to go straight up to
40,000 feet after take off.

Straight up.

- Did you throw up?

- No, I didn't.

- All right.

- Not in the Hornet.

I went straight up.
We leveled off,

straight down and then he just,
you know,

he gave me the stick and I
got to do that.

And then last week I was
flying to Vegas.

I got to go to Vegas on
a private jet.

- Nice.

And I had some liquor drinks

and they let me fly a
Falcon 900ex.

- After the liquor drinks?

- Yeah. Well I probably
shouldn't
be saying that on the TV,

but I had a couple, you
know, I wasn't, I was just,

you know, flying her like
this just light.

I wasn't putting her into,

didn't try to roll or
anything like that.

- Right.

- So, oh yeah, I want to ask
you about the, the comet too.

With the Rosetta mission.

Did you, what did you
think of that?

I'm sure you thought it
was pretty cool.

- I thought it was pretty-
what'd you think of that?

I thought it was very cool.

- I thought it was unbelievable.

- Yeah.

- That you can, you know,
put a rocket up there,

chase the comet around-

- For 10 years.

10 Years.

- 10 Years. I know
when they had,

they had to slingshot off the
planets to gain some speed.

And catch up to her.

- Yeah, it's amazing.

And then they, they popped
this little guy off the top.

Like a.

This little satellite was
sitting on top of the big
Rosetta

and they just went pop and
then it fell for seven hours.

Just slow, like a little
dandelion seed

until finally it went
all the way down

and hit the comet and
then it was goin' slow

But we didn't hold on
so it bounced

and because there's no gravity
it bounced for like two hours

and then slowly came down

and bounced and
bounced and bounced.

Then eventually land on
its side on the comet.

But it was working and
it took pictures

and it's maybe it'll get
enough sunshine

that it'll start working again.

It's a pretty cool thing.

- Oh, I think, well,
I've got faith.

I think it's gonna,

it's gonna shoot by the sun.

And the sun's gonna
recharge its batteries.

And it's gonna start
transmitting again.

That's what I'm.

- I'm hoping.

- I'm betting on that.

- I'm thinking I think is one
of the coolest things ever.

Now we could do that.
You know, that was brave.

That was cool. That was
real space stuff.

- That is real space stuff.
I mean.

- You know what that is.

That's decent.

- That is decent.

- I think.

- [Julian] We'll do
another one of these. Okay.

- I started slow, but
I'm having fun now guys,

we shouldn't stop.

- I need some fuckin' ice.

- I need some fuckin' ice .

How about have a beer?

- How about maybe you have
some ice here next time we do-

- Wait here's another headline.

- Bowl of ice

- Fuckin' Jesus.

- Here's another headline.
This is interesting.

It says the Rock is looking
for a weightlifting partner.

He's looking for somebody
in a tight black shirt.

- Holy fuck.

That's real funny.

- Tight black shirt.

- You know what? Turn this off.

- Prefers em to have a gotee.
Julian.

- Computers off. You're just
fucking being a dick now.

[crosstalk]

- [Ricky] All the things.

- He's being a Dick.

We're done.

- [Ricky] No, we're not.

- Have a good-

- The Rock is looking for a-

- Fuckin' life everyone-

- Weight lifting partner.

- Fuck off Bubbs.

- We still go beer. We
still got hash.

We have weed. We have honey oil.

We have gas.

- So let's turn this off

and go do all of it.

- Well, we gotta do a
proper sign off.

All right. Thanks for.

- Should I have another nap?

- We're trying to do a sign off.

Do whatever you want. Rick.

- I should just nap for
20 minutes boys,

and then we'll keep it
going all right?

- Go have a fuckin' nap.

- Okay. Ricky, I'll do
sign off while you.

- All right.

- All right. Well, thanks
for listening, Ricky.

- Just end it Bubbs.

- Why don't you go in
on the couch?

[Trailer Park Boys theme]

- [Julian] Nice pillow.

- So why does he do that?

- [Julian] Nice fuckin' pillow.

- Why wouldn't you
take the 10 steps

to a nice comfy couch
with a pillow?

- Bubbs

- For those of you at
home who can't see this.

Ricky has curled up on
the kitchen table

and is using a chip bowl,
a chip bowl

for a pillow, glass chip bowl.

- All right.

See you later. Cheers.

- Yep.

[Trailer Park Boys theme]