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- [Announcer] Warning.
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00:00:02,140 --> 00:00:04,107
The following program contains
really course language, weed,
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00:00:04,142 --> 00:00:08,077
alcohol consumption, smoking,
and sexual inferences.
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00:00:08,111 --> 00:00:11,735
This content may not be
suitable for viewers under 18.
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00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:13,220
To activate parental controls
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00:00:13,254 --> 00:00:15,118
please press the go
[bleep] yourself button
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00:00:15,153 --> 00:00:17,534
on your remote control.
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00:00:17,569 --> 00:00:20,572
[calm bright music]
9
00:00:28,442 --> 00:00:29,926
- Now everybody has all
kinds of fucking candy
10
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,341
from trick or treating,
from last week.
11
00:00:31,376 --> 00:00:34,034
So you pick a house that has
like four fucking kids in it.
12
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:35,587
They're gonna have all
kinds of good shit.
13
00:00:35,621 --> 00:00:37,209
So you go to the door, what
are they gonna say, "no"?
14
00:00:37,244 --> 00:00:38,900
They'd probably be scared of me.
15
00:00:38,935 --> 00:00:41,420
Definitely be scared of you.
16
00:00:41,455 --> 00:00:42,939
- They're gonna call
the cops Ricky,
17
00:00:42,973 --> 00:00:46,184
if you go up banging on the
door, fucking demanding candy,
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00:00:46,218 --> 00:00:49,325
dressed up as a hotdog, a
fucking week after Halloween.
19
00:00:49,359 --> 00:00:50,429
- Well then I'm gonna
put it there
20
00:00:50,464 --> 00:00:52,155
out to the fucking cops
to fucking try
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00:00:52,190 --> 00:00:54,537
to come over and take my
candy tonight.
22
00:00:54,571 --> 00:00:56,366
See what happens.
23
00:00:56,401 --> 00:00:58,058
- You're gonna threaten the
police on the air, are you?
24
00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,611
- I'm not gonna threaten them,
25
00:00:59,645 --> 00:01:00,508
I'm gonna say, "Look, I'm
fucking going trick or treating.
26
00:01:00,543 --> 00:01:02,165
I missed the last week
'cause you dicks
27
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,133
threw me in jail for
pissing in fucking public.
28
00:01:04,167 --> 00:01:05,513
And then fucking kept me
in the next couple days
29
00:01:05,548 --> 00:01:10,035
for a little tiny fight
with four guys. Fuck off!"
30
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,106
Anyway. That's all I'm
gonna say about that.
31
00:01:12,141 --> 00:01:13,245
Fucking cops sometimes.
32
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,385
They try to take the
fun out of it.
33
00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:17,249
And I mean, I can't
miss a fucking Halloween
34
00:01:17,284 --> 00:01:19,700
because my dad always said,
35
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,324
that we, our family, I
guess invented Halloween.
36
00:01:23,359 --> 00:01:26,776
Some of our old
fucking relatives.
37
00:01:26,810 --> 00:01:28,295
- Who used to say that, Ray?
38
00:01:28,329 --> 00:01:30,124
- Yeah. Remember I didn't
wanna go trick or treating
39
00:01:30,159 --> 00:01:31,125
once I got a little bit older,
40
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:32,230
'cause it wasn't fucking cool.
41
00:01:32,264 --> 00:01:33,300
I'm like, "Dad, I'm not
fucking going",
42
00:01:33,334 --> 00:01:34,853
he said, "Oh you're
fucking going",
43
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:35,992
I said, "No, I'm not going",
44
00:01:36,026 --> 00:01:37,166
he said, "Well, you have to,
45
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,444
because I don't know
if you knew this Ricky,
46
00:01:39,478 --> 00:01:42,723
but your great, great
grandfather, grandmother"--
47
00:01:42,757 --> 00:01:45,001
Holy fuck! It's raining
horse cocks out there.
48
00:01:45,035 --> 00:01:45,933
The wind.
49
00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:47,141
- Yeah must be the wind.
50
00:01:47,176 --> 00:01:48,487
- He said my great grandfather.
51
00:01:48,522 --> 00:01:49,488
Great, great, great,
52
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or four greats, mother,
father, one of them,
53
00:01:53,216 --> 00:01:55,011
decided to come up with
the idea for Halloween
54
00:01:55,045 --> 00:01:57,462
to make the kids happier,
and scare them a little.
55
00:01:57,496 --> 00:02:00,050
- Your great, great,
great grand, whatever.
56
00:02:00,085 --> 00:02:02,052
His name was Horse Cock?
57
00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:03,985
- It could have been,
I don't know.
58
00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:05,055
I just said it was
raining horse cocks.
59
00:02:05,090 --> 00:02:06,264
I didn't say his name
was Raining--
60
00:02:06,298 --> 00:02:08,369
- Oh, I thought his name
was Raymond Horse Cock.
61
00:02:08,404 --> 00:02:11,269
- Oh, Raymond, that
would be a weird fucking
62
00:02:11,303 --> 00:02:13,512
[stutters]
63
00:02:15,618 --> 00:02:17,240
Coincilence stance.
64
00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:19,898
You know that word. [chuckles]
65
00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:20,968
So isn't that cool?
66
00:02:21,002 --> 00:02:22,763
- So was your
great-grandfather's name
67
00:02:22,797 --> 00:02:24,247
Raymond Horse Cock or not?
68
00:02:24,282 --> 00:02:25,731
- Let's just go with that.
69
00:02:25,766 --> 00:02:28,596
Good old Raymond, fucking
came up with this whole idea.
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00:02:28,631 --> 00:02:31,254
So from that point on, I
never missed a Halloween.
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00:02:31,289 --> 00:02:32,324
So it's Halloween, November,
72
00:02:32,359 --> 00:02:34,430
but it's still fucking
Halloween to me,
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00:02:34,464 --> 00:02:36,156
and Raymond, if you're
listening to this
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00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:39,055
wherever the fuck you are,
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00:02:39,089 --> 00:02:41,161
cheers to you, my friend.
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00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,577
And great fucking idea you had.
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00:02:43,611 --> 00:02:48,306
- So Ricky, Ray told you
your great grandfather,
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00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:50,825
great, great grandfather
invented Halloween?
79
00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:52,379
- Could have been grandmother.
80
00:02:52,413 --> 00:02:56,245
I guess it was sad times back
then and kids needed a boost.
81
00:02:56,279 --> 00:02:58,247
So he thought, "Hey, if all
the kids fucking dress up,
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00:02:58,281 --> 00:02:59,903
then no one knows who
the kids actually are.
83
00:02:59,938 --> 00:03:01,802
They can just be crazy
and have fun".
84
00:03:01,836 --> 00:03:04,149
No one knows who was
the crazy people.
85
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,219
He scares them a little bit,
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00:03:05,254 --> 00:03:07,497
and then candy is like
a celebration.
87
00:03:07,532 --> 00:03:08,326
All kids love candy.
88
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,638
- He came up with that, did he?
89
00:03:10,673 --> 00:03:14,849
What year did Ray say
that all took place in?
90
00:03:14,884 --> 00:03:16,472
- It would have to have been
91
00:03:16,506 --> 00:03:18,646
at least a hundred
years ago for sure.
92
00:03:18,681 --> 00:03:21,201
- Well, Halloween's been around
longer than that I believe.
93
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:22,788
- Okay. Well it was more
than that then.
94
00:03:22,823 --> 00:03:24,031
Why are you asking questions,
95
00:03:24,065 --> 00:03:26,309
if you already know the
fucking answers to them?
96
00:03:26,344 --> 00:03:28,518
- What are we doing right now?
97
00:03:28,553 --> 00:03:29,795
- Introducing our guest.
98
00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:33,213
- No, first you're gonna do
your little cookie shit show.
99
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:36,250
- All right. Today, we're
gonna have Randy's kitchen.
100
00:03:36,285 --> 00:03:39,460
It's gonna be the best
cheeseburger, calzone ever.
101
00:03:39,495 --> 00:03:40,220
All right.
102
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,531
- [Mr. Lahey] Okay.
103
00:03:41,566 --> 00:03:43,119
- I wanna bring this with
me, Mr. Lahey, just in case.
104
00:03:43,153 --> 00:03:44,672
- [Mr. Lahey] All right.
105
00:03:44,707 --> 00:03:47,882
- We gotta go over here 'cause
you took up all the room,
106
00:03:47,917 --> 00:03:48,987
but it's okay.
107
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:52,508
We got a bunch of extra
space Mr. Lahey.
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00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:54,199
- We're going over to Ricky set,
are we?
109
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,269
- No, Mr. Lahey, it's
just extra room.
110
00:03:55,304 --> 00:03:57,720
- It's Ricky set.
It's Ricky set.
111
00:03:57,754 --> 00:03:59,411
And you guess what?
112
00:04:00,757 --> 00:04:01,965
You're sexy, Randy.
113
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,070
- We're gonna cook Mr. Lahey.
114
00:04:03,104 --> 00:04:04,865
I took everything. Look, liquor,
stories.
115
00:04:04,899 --> 00:04:06,384
- Look, let me look
in your eyes.
116
00:04:06,418 --> 00:04:08,213
Just, Randy.
117
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,663
- It's the lights, Mr. Lahey.
118
00:04:09,697 --> 00:04:13,529
- I can see the whole of space
infinity in your eyes, Randy.
119
00:04:13,563 --> 00:04:14,909
- How drunk are you?
120
00:04:14,944 --> 00:04:16,048
- I'm not drunk, Randy,
121
00:04:16,083 --> 00:04:17,740
I just had a couple
little drinky poos.
122
00:04:17,774 --> 00:04:21,537
♪ High ho, high ho, it's
off to the cooking show ♪
123
00:04:21,571 --> 00:04:23,849
♪ Oh, I forgot my drink.
I better get one ♪
124
00:04:23,884 --> 00:04:25,057
Get the fuck over there Randy.
125
00:04:25,092 --> 00:04:26,852
- Oh Mr. Lahey
cheeseburger calzones!
126
00:04:26,887 --> 00:04:27,853
- Oh love the calzones!
127
00:04:27,888 --> 00:04:29,510
- Whee hee hee!
- Whoo whoo whoo!
128
00:04:29,545 --> 00:04:32,893
- What the frig did I
just step on?
129
00:04:32,927 --> 00:04:34,895
Oh my frig! What the?
130
00:04:34,929 --> 00:04:36,621
- Randy. Holy fuck.
131
00:04:37,725 --> 00:04:39,520
- This is piss Mr. Lahey!
132
00:04:39,555 --> 00:04:40,763
- I'm up for it, Randy.
133
00:04:40,797 --> 00:04:42,212
- I'm covered in pee!
134
00:04:42,247 --> 00:04:45,906
Geeze! Mr. Lahey, What the
frig's going on in this house?
135
00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:47,563
What the frig? Holy!
136
00:04:47,597 --> 00:04:51,221
- Off. Turn that fucking
thing off, Randy.
137
00:04:51,256 --> 00:04:53,914
Stick it up your ass [laughs].
Randy.
138
00:04:53,948 --> 00:04:55,053
- What the frig!
139
00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:57,331
It won't stop!
- Randy. It's all blowing.
140
00:04:57,366 --> 00:04:59,920
- Randy. You fucked up!
This is the piss and shitty.
141
00:04:59,954 --> 00:05:00,817
- Ohh!
142
00:05:00,852 --> 00:05:02,888
- Randy. What the fuck? It's.
143
00:05:02,923 --> 00:05:04,304
- What the fuck just hit me?
144
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:07,445
- It's a bundle of cocks,
Randy. It's fucking.
145
00:05:07,479 --> 00:05:07,962
You fucking piece.
146
00:05:07,997 --> 00:05:08,894
- Mr. Lahey!
147
00:05:08,929 --> 00:05:10,033
- You fuck everything up Randy!
148
00:05:10,068 --> 00:05:12,588
- Mr. Lahey, Ricky
clearly set booby traps.
149
00:05:12,622 --> 00:05:14,037
- It's just a piece of shit.
150
00:05:14,072 --> 00:05:17,386
- It's because you frigging
messed with his set Mr. Lahey.
151
00:05:17,420 --> 00:05:18,559
- What are you
talking about Randy?
152
00:05:18,594 --> 00:05:21,079
I was the one that
fuck. Okay. Don't. wait.
153
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,356
- I'm covered in piss and...
154
00:05:22,391 --> 00:05:23,530
- Wait.
155
00:05:23,564 --> 00:05:25,842
- Flour. Got hit with
a big bunch of cocks.
156
00:05:25,877 --> 00:05:27,154
The show is ruined.
157
00:05:27,188 --> 00:05:29,846
- It isn't ruined Randy.
It's never too fucking late.
158
00:05:29,881 --> 00:05:32,228
Always grab the bull by
the horns Randy.
159
00:05:32,262 --> 00:05:33,367
- Frig the guest Mr. Lahey.
160
00:05:33,402 --> 00:05:34,541
- Fuck you.
161
00:05:34,575 --> 00:05:35,921
- I didn't even get to
do the cooking show.
162
00:05:35,956 --> 00:05:36,853
- Stay. Just stay.
163
00:05:36,888 --> 00:05:37,889
- Show's over.
164
00:05:37,923 --> 00:05:38,821
- Stay there ladies
and gentlemen.
165
00:05:38,855 --> 00:05:39,822
- [Randy] Show's freaking over.
166
00:05:39,856 --> 00:05:42,065
- We got for fucks sake.
167
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:44,171
We got a lot of
fucking good shit
168
00:05:44,205 --> 00:05:45,759
to do here ladies and gentlemen.
169
00:05:45,793 --> 00:05:49,349
We're just gonna finish up the
show in a nice little coven.
170
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:51,903
Randy. Come on, back up here,
bud.
171
00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:54,008
- [Randy] I'm not coming
back Mr. Lahey.
172
00:05:54,043 --> 00:05:55,700
- Randy, you gotta fucking
come back here.
173
00:05:55,734 --> 00:05:56,839
We gotta shoot a show.
174
00:05:56,873 --> 00:05:58,116
- [Randy] Frig off!
175
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,325
- Okay. Bring. Go fuck yourself.
176
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,292
Okay. Bring the special guest.
177
00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:05,019
Ladies and gentlemen, we got
a special guest for you today,
178
00:06:05,054 --> 00:06:06,366
who's gonna show us how to make
179
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,507
two tin cans of a rocket
ship with a Bic lighter.
180
00:06:09,541 --> 00:06:11,060
So come on, bring up.
181
00:06:11,094 --> 00:06:12,544
Where's the special guest?
182
00:06:12,579 --> 00:06:13,407
- [Cameraman] He's gone.
183
00:06:13,442 --> 00:06:14,097
- What?
184
00:06:14,132 --> 00:06:15,685
- [Cameraman] He's gone.
185
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:16,997
- The special guest is gone?
186
00:06:17,031 --> 00:06:18,205
- [Cameraman] He left ages ago.
187
00:06:18,239 --> 00:06:22,036
- Huh? Well, as you
say in Latin Colosseum,
188
00:06:22,071 --> 00:06:26,351
logas bogus [indistinct].
189
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:26,731
[laughs]
190
00:06:26,765 --> 00:06:28,215
Fuck you.
191
00:06:28,249 --> 00:06:32,495
Okay. So why don't we just
finished off the show very
nicely
192
00:06:32,530 --> 00:06:34,566
with a little drink
to our sponsor.
193
00:06:34,601 --> 00:06:37,327
And Randy, you fucking
ruined the ratings!
194
00:06:37,362 --> 00:06:40,054
No one's gonna fucking
look in the next...
195
00:06:40,089 --> 00:06:40,917
Doesn't matter--
196
00:06:40,952 --> 00:06:41,987
Oh, I know what I could do.
197
00:06:42,022 --> 00:06:43,713
I have a trick, a magic trick.
198
00:06:43,748 --> 00:06:48,200
See this? I can make this go
all the way through my body.
199
00:06:48,235 --> 00:06:51,445
Oh, this is a little liquor-poo.
200
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,861
All the way through my
body into this hand,
201
00:06:53,896 --> 00:06:54,655
and then back again.
202
00:06:54,690 --> 00:06:55,449
Watch this.
203
00:06:55,484 --> 00:06:56,277
♪ Ti-Ti-Ri-Ri-Ri
204
00:06:56,312 --> 00:06:57,762
♪ Ti-Ri-Li-Ri-Li-Ri-Li-Ri-Li
205
00:06:57,796 --> 00:06:58,832
♪ Ti-Ti-Ti-Ti
206
00:06:58,866 --> 00:07:00,661
Ta-da!
207
00:07:00,696 --> 00:07:01,593
Now back again,
208
00:07:01,628 --> 00:07:02,663
♪ Du-Du-Ru-Du-Ru
209
00:07:02,698 --> 00:07:03,561
♪ Du-Du
210
00:07:03,595 --> 00:07:05,459
And special show.
211
00:07:05,494 --> 00:07:06,702
Ta!
212
00:07:06,736 --> 00:07:07,668
Ta fucking!
213
00:07:08,531 --> 00:07:09,912
[chuckles]
214
00:07:09,946 --> 00:07:11,569
Ta-da!
215
00:07:11,603 --> 00:07:16,643
Tune in next week to see if
Randy can get his shit together.
216
00:07:16,677 --> 00:07:20,232
Until then, [indistinct]
217
00:07:21,371 --> 00:07:22,476
[laughs]
218
00:07:22,511 --> 00:07:23,615
Yeah, fuck off.
219
00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:26,687
I'm sorry, I fucked up.
220
00:07:26,722 --> 00:07:29,138
[gurgling]
221
00:07:48,778 --> 00:07:49,710
That's good shit.
222
00:07:49,745 --> 00:07:52,333
[eerie music]
223
00:07:55,371 --> 00:08:00,376
Thanks for tuning in to the
Jim Lahey Show, and Randy.
224
00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:02,792
[eerie music]
225
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,210
- What are you guys
taping in here?
226
00:08:07,245 --> 00:08:08,488
- A friend of mine's
doing a documentary.
227
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:09,454
Don't worry about it.
228
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,524
- All right. What?
229
00:08:10,559 --> 00:08:12,388
- Look, I need some
stuff and I could rob you
230
00:08:12,422 --> 00:08:13,527
or you could just give it to me.
231
00:08:13,562 --> 00:08:14,563
It's up to yourself. So.
232
00:08:14,597 --> 00:08:15,425
- You're Ricky, right?
233
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:16,530
- Yeah, man.
234
00:08:16,565 --> 00:08:18,428
- Yeah, man. Get whatever
you want. I don't care.
235
00:08:18,463 --> 00:08:21,155
- Right on. Give me four
packs of smokes.
236
00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:23,192
Yeah, and I'm gonna
take these flowers here.
237
00:08:23,226 --> 00:08:25,781
- Smokes. How many smokes there?
238
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:28,438
- I was here first there, bud.
239
00:08:29,163 --> 00:08:30,544
- What's that camera doing here?
240
00:08:30,579 --> 00:08:34,514
- None of your fucking
business actually.
241
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,585
- Obviously you don't
know who the fuck I am.
242
00:08:36,619 --> 00:08:37,240
- Obviously.
243
00:08:37,275 --> 00:08:39,346
- My name is Cyrus, Cyrus.
244
00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:42,487
And I don't give a
fuck who you are.
245
00:08:43,453 --> 00:08:46,180
- Better chill out there
heavy metal dick.
246
00:08:46,215 --> 00:08:47,837
- Yeah? Well you go back
to the bowling alley
247
00:08:47,872 --> 00:08:49,011
you came from helmet head.
248
00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:50,081
- You're fucking lucky
I'm on probation.
249
00:08:50,115 --> 00:08:52,808
- Is that right? See ya.
250
00:08:52,842 --> 00:08:54,879
That's it. Bye, bye.
251
00:08:54,913 --> 00:08:56,087
- Hey Cyrus, you didn't pay.
252
00:08:56,121 --> 00:08:57,778
- [Cyrus] Fuck off.
253
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:03,128
- See this? All right.
254
00:09:03,163 --> 00:09:06,269
Old man gave me that when
I was in grade seven.
255
00:09:06,304 --> 00:09:08,513
Seen a lot of action.
256
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,790
Nine millimeter.
257
00:09:10,998 --> 00:09:13,553
Safety, always off.
258
00:09:15,382 --> 00:09:18,765
Told me he was proud of me once.
259
00:09:18,799 --> 00:09:20,111
Fucking prick.
260
00:09:21,043 --> 00:09:23,666
[birds cawing]
261
00:09:24,633 --> 00:09:29,051
[engine running]
[car driving]
262
00:09:29,085 --> 00:09:32,019
[radio playing]
263
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:38,543
[car door opening]
264
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,201
[bottle smashing]
265
00:09:41,235 --> 00:09:42,512
[car door shutting]
266
00:09:42,547 --> 00:09:45,308
[footsteps]
267
00:09:45,343 --> 00:09:46,620
- We gotta make a few
things clear.
268
00:09:46,655 --> 00:09:47,932
- Sure.
269
00:09:47,966 --> 00:09:49,381
- Two of us can't live in
this trailer park together.
270
00:09:49,416 --> 00:09:50,382
Now can we?
271
00:09:50,417 --> 00:09:51,832
- Right. So I guess
someone's gotta move.
272
00:09:51,867 --> 00:09:55,077
- That's what I'm talking about.
273
00:09:55,111 --> 00:09:56,561
Hey, that's my shit!
274
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,184
[TV breaking]
275
00:10:02,118 --> 00:10:04,638
Hey, that's my shit!
276
00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:06,053
That's my shit.
277
00:10:09,678 --> 00:10:10,886
Obviously you didn't hear me
278
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,991
when I say clear out
your own shit.
279
00:10:13,026 --> 00:10:15,925
Now I want a new TV,
I want a VCR,
280
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,340
and I want my porn
tapes replaced,
281
00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:19,273
because those were the
creme de la creme.
282
00:10:19,308 --> 00:10:20,689
- I want you out this park.
283
00:10:20,723 --> 00:10:22,622
- [scoffs] I'm not leaving.
284
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,520
I provide a service for
these good people.
285
00:10:24,554 --> 00:10:25,970
They're like my family.
286
00:10:26,004 --> 00:10:28,041
You tell them people, go on.
287
00:10:28,075 --> 00:10:32,701
- [Julian] Let show of hands.
Those who need his dope.
288
00:10:34,219 --> 00:10:36,394
- I like to take this
opportunity to let anybody know
289
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:38,051
that me and Tyrone's
open for business.
290
00:10:38,085 --> 00:10:40,950
We service all your dope
needs. Good prices too.
291
00:10:40,985 --> 00:10:42,227
You know what I'm saying?
292
00:10:42,262 --> 00:10:45,023
- See, we don't need you here.
293
00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:46,922
- Well, I'm not leaving.
294
00:10:46,956 --> 00:10:48,095
And I'm not afraid to
use this gun.
295
00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:49,338
- I think you're afraid.
296
00:10:49,372 --> 00:10:51,823
- Fuck afraid. You think
I won't pull the trigger?
297
00:10:51,858 --> 00:10:54,688
My brain tells my finger to
pull the trigger and, boom!
298
00:10:54,723 --> 00:10:55,793
Happens just like that.
299
00:10:55,827 --> 00:10:57,104
- Well, let me talk to
your brain then.
300
00:10:57,139 --> 00:11:00,142
Hey, Cyrus's brain,
pull the trigger.
301
00:11:00,176 --> 00:11:02,558
- Oh, funny guy. [cocking gun]
302
00:11:02,592 --> 00:11:03,904
- Pull the trigger.
303
00:11:03,939 --> 00:11:06,010
Do it, do it!
304
00:11:10,946 --> 00:11:11,774
[scoffs]
305
00:11:11,809 --> 00:11:13,051
You're not gonna do it, man.
306
00:11:13,086 --> 00:11:14,397
- Cyrus you fucking dick!
307
00:11:14,432 --> 00:11:15,295
- Shut up!
308
00:11:16,779 --> 00:11:18,539
- Why don't you do
yourself a favor.
309
00:11:18,574 --> 00:11:20,472
You're not from the park
man. You don't belong here.
310
00:11:20,507 --> 00:11:22,164
This is my family.
311
00:11:22,198 --> 00:11:24,614
Why don't you get out of here?
312
00:11:24,649 --> 00:11:25,823
- I don't need this shit anyway.
313
00:11:25,857 --> 00:11:29,412
[footsteps]
[Cyrus mumbling]
314
00:11:29,447 --> 00:11:34,141
[car driving]
[radio playing]
315
00:11:35,211 --> 00:11:37,455
- Thanks for getting rid
of Cyrus for us Julian.
316
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,112
Now, if you could just
help straighten Ricky out,
317
00:11:39,146 --> 00:11:40,182
we'd be all set.
318
00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:42,529
All right, everybody,
party's over.
319
00:11:42,563 --> 00:11:43,737
Let's go home.
320
00:11:43,772 --> 00:11:45,601
- Welcome back, Julian.
321
00:11:45,635 --> 00:11:47,741
- [Someone In The Crowd]
Fuck off Mr. Lahey.
322
00:11:47,776 --> 00:11:49,709
[bright music]
323
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,676
- Hi, I'm Julian.
324
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,954
I've been on my own
since I was six or seven.
325
00:11:53,989 --> 00:11:55,576
That's when I started
drinking rum.
326
00:11:55,611 --> 00:11:58,579
My life has been fucked
up, but I'm a survivor.
327
00:11:58,614 --> 00:12:00,271
If you want advice, I'll
give it to you.
328
00:12:00,305 --> 00:12:01,582
If you use it, that's fine,
329
00:12:01,617 --> 00:12:05,138
but if you don't, I
really don't give a fuck.
330
00:12:05,172 --> 00:12:06,864
Hey, this is dear Julian.
I'm Julian.
331
00:12:06,898 --> 00:12:08,175
Let's get this fucking going.
332
00:12:08,210 --> 00:12:10,660
All right, "Dear Julian. I
wake up to get outta bed,
333
00:12:10,695 --> 00:12:12,490
I pissed myself in my sleep.
334
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,734
My friends and family won't let
me crash at the crib anymore
335
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:15,873
because I piss on the couch.
336
00:12:15,907 --> 00:12:18,151
People get all bitchy
when I accidentally
337
00:12:18,185 --> 00:12:20,567
piss all over them" Right,
Jesus man.
338
00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:24,191
"It's a problem I have never
grown outta since I was born.
339
00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:26,021
I'm nearly thirty years old now.
340
00:12:26,055 --> 00:12:27,781
How can I stop pissing
myself in the bed?
341
00:12:27,816 --> 00:12:30,059
And putting my bed wetting
habit once and for all to rest?"
342
00:12:30,094 --> 00:12:31,889
Okay, man. All right.
Number one.
343
00:12:31,923 --> 00:12:33,511
If you're drinking a
lot and shit,
344
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:35,099
maybe you're just too
fucking drunk. Okay?
345
00:12:35,133 --> 00:12:36,410
You get Lahey drunk.
346
00:12:36,445 --> 00:12:40,794
You've seen it happen to
him many times before on TV.
347
00:12:40,829 --> 00:12:43,245
But if it's not, I don't know,
man.
348
00:12:43,279 --> 00:12:45,074
Maybe go see a doctor.
349
00:12:45,109 --> 00:12:46,904
Maybe sit and find out what time
350
00:12:46,938 --> 00:12:49,699
the piss time is through
the night, set an alarm.
351
00:12:49,734 --> 00:12:51,563
Get up a little early.
352
00:12:51,598 --> 00:12:53,669
Or just don't fucking
drink anything.
353
00:12:53,703 --> 00:12:54,808
Okay? All right.
354
00:12:54,843 --> 00:12:57,155
That's all I can do for you,
bud.
355
00:12:57,190 --> 00:13:00,745
All right now, Dan Maughan.
356
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,057
Okay, Dan Maughan.
357
00:13:02,091 --> 00:13:04,128
"Dear Julian, my old boss
is being a massive prick
358
00:13:04,162 --> 00:13:07,269
and won't pay up my
last week's wages.
359
00:13:07,303 --> 00:13:09,996
Should I be patient and wait
for him to try to sort it out?
360
00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:12,446
Or should I talk,
walk into a club,
361
00:13:12,481 --> 00:13:14,034
and tell the dummies
that stole my job
362
00:13:14,069 --> 00:13:17,175
he said I could have a
tab and drink my wage
363
00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:18,798
before pissing in the booth
364
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:21,559
and leave there with
slight dignity."
365
00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:25,114
All right, man, like fuck,
the guy owes you money.
366
00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:26,426
I wouldn't go to the club,
367
00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:29,015
I'd go right to the
motherfucker's house, all right?
368
00:13:29,049 --> 00:13:30,568
You go to his house,
you knock on the door,
369
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:33,191
you say, "Hey, listen
bud, you owe me money.
370
00:13:33,226 --> 00:13:35,538
I want my cash. See you
later at the bar tonight.
371
00:13:35,573 --> 00:13:38,334
Have it, or else I'm
gonna get pissed off".
372
00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:42,028
Then you go to his bar, meet
him up later and say, "Alright"
373
00:13:42,062 --> 00:13:44,306
you still do the same
thing you just said.
374
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:46,860
You start drinking, do
the whole tab thing.
375
00:13:46,895 --> 00:13:48,689
Collect your money,
drink for free.
376
00:13:48,724 --> 00:13:50,243
I think it's a good idea.
377
00:13:50,277 --> 00:13:55,006
I mean, you know, he owes
you cash, he's being a dick.
378
00:13:55,041 --> 00:13:56,076
All right.
379
00:13:58,941 --> 00:13:59,977
Convicted.
380
00:14:00,011 --> 00:14:01,875
"Dear Julian, for the
past 25 years,
381
00:14:01,910 --> 00:14:04,050
I've worked for some
rich city pricks
382
00:14:04,084 --> 00:14:06,293
with the task of rebuilding
the rundown farms
383
00:14:06,328 --> 00:14:10,194
and turning them into
profitable working farms.
384
00:14:10,228 --> 00:14:13,818
For the last year now the
missus has been hounding to me
385
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,200
to sell up and invest
in my own farm,
386
00:14:16,234 --> 00:14:18,996
become the landowner
I've dreamed of being.
387
00:14:19,030 --> 00:14:20,342
We're talking about a
massive gamble
388
00:14:20,376 --> 00:14:23,897
by investing every penny
I own into my own farm.
389
00:14:23,932 --> 00:14:25,485
Should I go for it?
390
00:14:25,519 --> 00:14:28,074
Stay with the little small
holding I already have?"
391
00:14:28,108 --> 00:14:29,799
Listen, man.
392
00:14:29,834 --> 00:14:31,146
All right, this is a
good question.
393
00:14:31,180 --> 00:14:33,286
You know, I'm a business man.
394
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:34,597
And if I had some cash on me
395
00:14:34,632 --> 00:14:36,806
and I want to invest in
my own business
396
00:14:36,841 --> 00:14:38,878
and be my own fucking boss,
397
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,327
that's the way to do it, man.
398
00:14:40,362 --> 00:14:42,191
I mean, you've been working
for these other fucking people,
399
00:14:42,226 --> 00:14:43,296
making them tons of money.
400
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:44,953
This is a no brainer, man.
401
00:14:44,987 --> 00:14:46,126
Risk everything.
402
00:14:46,161 --> 00:14:48,197
If you don't, you're
gonna fucking regret it,
403
00:14:48,232 --> 00:14:49,750
and you're probably gonna end up
404
00:14:49,785 --> 00:14:52,546
with no fucking money to
have fun when you're retired.
405
00:14:52,581 --> 00:14:54,790
You're never gonna be able
to retire, man.
406
00:14:54,824 --> 00:14:56,033
So go for it.
407
00:14:58,276 --> 00:14:59,105
Okay.
408
00:15:00,623 --> 00:15:03,937
There's not many fucking
questions here.
409
00:15:03,972 --> 00:15:05,594
Trevor Jade Walker.
410
00:15:05,628 --> 00:15:08,355
"Julian, bud, my
girlfriend keeps bugging me
411
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:10,530
because almost every
t-shirt I own is black
412
00:15:10,564 --> 00:15:13,774
and says I need to have
more variety.
413
00:15:14,741 --> 00:15:15,949
But my favorite color is black,
414
00:15:15,984 --> 00:15:17,917
and I don't want anything
other than black shirts.
415
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,125
What should I tell her?"
416
00:15:19,159 --> 00:15:22,024
I'd tell her to fuck off,
all right?
417
00:15:22,059 --> 00:15:23,715
I find it easy, like, you know,
418
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:25,131
it takes some people half hour
419
00:15:25,165 --> 00:15:28,203
to figure out what the fuck
they're gonna wear every day.
420
00:15:28,237 --> 00:15:30,205
For me, it's the same thing.
421
00:15:30,239 --> 00:15:33,173
I gain a half hour over
everyone, you know?
422
00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:35,175
So I can go and do my thing
and make money, right?
423
00:15:35,210 --> 00:15:37,522
Because that's what
life is about right now.
424
00:15:37,557 --> 00:15:41,043
Make money, try to retire
early, have some fun.
425
00:15:41,078 --> 00:15:44,081
So I'd say, "Hey listen,
you know, honey,
426
00:15:44,115 --> 00:15:46,221
just let me fucking be
who I wanna be.
427
00:15:46,255 --> 00:15:47,256
If I wanna dress this way,
428
00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:48,982
this is the way I want to do it.
429
00:15:49,017 --> 00:15:51,053
If you don't love me...
430
00:15:51,088 --> 00:15:54,160
if you love me, you'll
fucking accept it."
431
00:15:54,194 --> 00:15:58,750
All right. The next question's
from Kristen Sara Kuchera.
432
00:15:58,785 --> 00:16:03,065
"Julian, my obsessive stalker
ex-husband is dating my cousin
433
00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:05,757
to try to piss me off and
linger around.
434
00:16:05,792 --> 00:16:07,276
Should I kick both their asses
435
00:16:07,311 --> 00:16:08,864
or avoid that side of my family
436
00:16:08,898 --> 00:16:12,074
until the greasy
bastard disappears?
437
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:17,010
Oh man. That's a tough one.
438
00:16:17,045 --> 00:16:18,460
So he's a stalker.
439
00:16:18,494 --> 00:16:22,153
I mean, your cousin sounds
like she's a bit of a fuckhead.
440
00:16:22,188 --> 00:16:25,639
You know, she's going
over with your ex husband
441
00:16:25,674 --> 00:16:27,607
for fuck sakes.
442
00:16:27,641 --> 00:16:29,885
Uh, I don't know.
443
00:16:29,919 --> 00:16:32,922
I'd want to get back at them.
444
00:16:32,957 --> 00:16:34,096
I would definitely want
to kick her ass
445
00:16:34,131 --> 00:16:35,166
because it's your cousin.
446
00:16:35,201 --> 00:16:37,203
She deserves to get
her ass kicked.
447
00:16:37,237 --> 00:16:39,515
Knee him and the nuts
a few times.
448
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:41,241
I'd take him out, I
would seriously do that.
449
00:16:41,276 --> 00:16:44,037
Do that, and then just
don't have anything to do
450
00:16:44,072 --> 00:16:46,074
with that side of the
family or them at least.
451
00:16:46,108 --> 00:16:47,178
Everybody's gonna hate you
452
00:16:47,213 --> 00:16:49,491
if you do that on her side,
obviously,
453
00:16:49,525 --> 00:16:52,287
but you can say she's a
fucking bitch,
454
00:16:52,321 --> 00:16:56,394
that's, you know,
causing shit with me.
455
00:16:56,429 --> 00:16:57,499
It's obvious.
456
00:16:58,327 --> 00:16:59,294
Okay.
457
00:16:59,328 --> 00:17:00,364
I don't know if you want
to call her a bitch,
458
00:17:00,398 --> 00:17:01,710
call her whatever you
want to call her.
459
00:17:01,744 --> 00:17:03,539
I don't know what
you'd call her.
460
00:17:03,574 --> 00:17:04,471
She's your cousin.
461
00:17:04,506 --> 00:17:06,818
I'd be a lot worse than
that actually.
462
00:17:06,853 --> 00:17:08,993
[sighs]
463
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,030
So I guess that's all
the questions.
464
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:14,481
So I hope this helped you out,
465
00:17:14,516 --> 00:17:17,519
if not though, I don't
give a fuck. Good luck.
466
00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:20,211
[bright music]
467
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:30,428
[Mr Lahey stomping]
468
00:17:30,463 --> 00:17:31,153
- Are we rolling?
469
00:17:31,188 --> 00:17:32,568
- [Cameraman] Yeah, of course.
470
00:17:32,603 --> 00:17:36,607
- Oh yeah. Welcome to ask
me any fucking [stutters]
471
00:17:36,641 --> 00:17:39,541
Fucking ask me anything
with the Swearnet,
472
00:17:39,575 --> 00:17:42,751
questions from Facebook
and Swearnet.
473
00:17:43,959 --> 00:17:48,584
I answer cold, and so I
need my questions.
474
00:17:48,619 --> 00:17:49,723
Can I have my questions?
475
00:17:49,758 --> 00:17:51,173
- [Cameraman] You're fucking
sitting on them, bud.
476
00:17:51,208 --> 00:17:53,658
- I am sitting on my questions.
477
00:17:53,693 --> 00:17:55,281
Oh, they're there.
478
00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:59,319
Well, it's not very...
you can't read them.
479
00:17:59,354 --> 00:18:02,357
They're all... oh,
for fuck sakes.
480
00:18:03,323 --> 00:18:05,222
First of all, let me have
a little sippy.
481
00:18:05,256 --> 00:18:08,432
This is a toast to my
audio radiances.
482
00:18:08,466 --> 00:18:11,780
You guys are looking good today,
and here's a toast to you.
483
00:18:11,814 --> 00:18:14,334
Propane, propane.
484
00:18:15,577 --> 00:18:16,440
Oh yeah.
485
00:18:17,406 --> 00:18:18,614
Good Liquormen's.
486
00:18:18,649 --> 00:18:20,064
Nothing better.
487
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,205
"Dear Lahey. I really liked it
when you were off the liquor
488
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,588
in season 11, treating
Ricky nicely.
489
00:18:26,622 --> 00:18:27,554
Do you think you'll ever..."
490
00:18:27,589 --> 00:18:30,005
This by Ragin Cajun.
491
00:18:30,039 --> 00:18:31,351
Number one question.
492
00:18:31,386 --> 00:18:34,182
"Do you think you'll ever
burn the hatchet at both ends
493
00:18:34,216 --> 00:18:37,564
and make up with he and Julian?"
494
00:18:37,599 --> 00:18:40,015
Ragin Cajun, like a Cajun.
495
00:18:40,049 --> 00:18:43,467
Cajun is like Acadian,
Acadian Cajun.
496
00:18:43,501 --> 00:18:47,609
I bet she lives down
Louisiana, down in Louisiana.
497
00:18:47,643 --> 00:18:49,576
But you know what?
498
00:18:49,611 --> 00:18:52,959
It's not burn a hatchet
at both ends.
499
00:18:52,993 --> 00:18:55,099
If you were a raging Indian,
500
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,653
I could see you're saying
that for your amology,
501
00:18:57,688 --> 00:19:02,658
but a raging Cajun doesn't say
burn a hatchet at both ends.
502
00:19:02,693 --> 00:19:04,453
'Cause it's a candle.
503
00:19:04,488 --> 00:19:07,525
Even if you are on the liquor,
it could actually turn out
504
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,977
to be beneficial for you
and Bobanders.
505
00:19:11,011 --> 00:19:12,047
Um.
506
00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:14,808
What is the question?
507
00:19:14,843 --> 00:19:17,017
Do you think you've ever
burned the hatchet of both ends
508
00:19:17,052 --> 00:19:20,331
and make up with Julian?
509
00:19:20,366 --> 00:19:21,953
Even if you are on the liquor
510
00:19:21,988 --> 00:19:24,197
could actually turn out
to be beneficial for--
511
00:19:24,232 --> 00:19:25,681
Bobanders doesn't like the fact
512
00:19:25,716 --> 00:19:30,134
that me and Julian have
a secret kind of like...
513
00:19:32,136 --> 00:19:36,209
It's dark, it's very dark,
but it's light.
514
00:19:36,244 --> 00:19:37,728
I don't know what the
question means.
515
00:19:37,762 --> 00:19:38,798
Okay. Number two.
516
00:19:38,832 --> 00:19:41,628
Organic187.
517
00:19:41,663 --> 00:19:46,219
"Dear Lahey, How people have
you shot over the years,
518
00:19:46,254 --> 00:19:48,670
and why do they still let
you have a gun?"
519
00:19:48,704 --> 00:19:50,016
They don't let me have a gun.
520
00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:53,916
Any [indistinct] I have are...
521
00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:55,539
I don't have a permit right now,
522
00:19:55,573 --> 00:19:58,783
and that's just the
ways I want to be.
523
00:19:58,818 --> 00:20:00,233
How many people have I shot?
524
00:20:00,268 --> 00:20:01,130
Well.
525
00:20:04,651 --> 00:20:07,585
Shot a guy by mistake once.
526
00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:10,070
Shot myself by mistake once.
527
00:20:10,105 --> 00:20:13,591
I missed the guy I was
shooting at once.
528
00:20:15,144 --> 00:20:16,905
That's all I can remember.
529
00:20:16,939 --> 00:20:19,045
Michelle, my bell.
530
00:20:19,079 --> 00:20:21,772
"Dear Lahey, what is one
guilty pleasure
531
00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:24,499
you enjoy too much to give up?"
532
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,366
Freud calls guilt super ego.
533
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,507
So your guilt is your super ego.
534
00:20:32,541 --> 00:20:34,992
I don't have a super ego,
so I don't feel guilty.
535
00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:36,925
So there's no pleasures
I feel guilty about.
536
00:20:36,959 --> 00:20:39,859
So there's no guilt. [gibberish]
537
00:20:39,893 --> 00:20:41,654
"Dear Lahey."
538
00:20:41,688 --> 00:20:43,069
Number four, Jeff.
539
00:20:43,103 --> 00:20:46,935
"What's the best cure for
a liquor surge?"
540
00:20:46,969 --> 00:20:50,214
Well, I'll give you a
illustration.
541
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,665
If you have to sneeze and
you go, achoo!
542
00:20:52,699 --> 00:20:54,218
You can blow your ear balls.
543
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,082
You can actually, I've heard it,
544
00:20:56,116 --> 00:20:57,911
that you can blow your sack,
545
00:20:57,946 --> 00:21:01,260
and you can fucking blow your
balls right out of your sack.
546
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:02,951
If you check a super sneeze.
547
00:21:02,985 --> 00:21:04,918
It's the same with a
liquor surge,
548
00:21:04,953 --> 00:21:07,093
you don't check a liquor surge.
549
00:21:07,127 --> 00:21:09,406
You do, it can cause
irreparable damage
550
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:13,306
to the psycho system or
the fucking atmosphere.
551
00:21:13,341 --> 00:21:16,240
John Velez. This one's a
fucking fold and a half,
552
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,137
I'll tell you that.
553
00:21:17,172 --> 00:21:18,449
"Dear Mr. Lahey,
554
00:21:18,484 --> 00:21:20,727
you have told us several
versions of the story
555
00:21:20,762 --> 00:21:21,970
about when you first realized
556
00:21:22,004 --> 00:21:24,800
that you were sexually
attracted to men.
557
00:21:24,835 --> 00:21:27,320
There's the bachelor
pool party story,
558
00:21:27,355 --> 00:21:29,909
then there's a story about
two Scottish gentlemen
559
00:21:29,943 --> 00:21:32,532
that you accidentally
walked in on,
560
00:21:32,567 --> 00:21:33,326
the incident in Italy,
561
00:21:33,361 --> 00:21:34,776
and then finally there's Randers
562
00:21:34,810 --> 00:21:36,881
from the time that you
were on the police force.
563
00:21:36,916 --> 00:21:38,780
They cannot all be
the first time.
564
00:21:38,814 --> 00:21:41,576
Can you please tell us which
story describes the time
565
00:21:41,610 --> 00:21:44,164
when you first realized you
were attracted to other men?"
566
00:21:44,199 --> 00:21:47,582
It's not really a physical
attraction to other men,
567
00:21:47,616 --> 00:21:50,032
like the scraping and the
burning of the shogggle,
568
00:21:50,067 --> 00:21:51,102
and the bigga baggy,
569
00:21:51,137 --> 00:21:53,898
it doesn't really
fucking turn me on.
570
00:21:53,933 --> 00:21:57,177
It really happened when I was
like, I was about nine or 10,
571
00:21:57,212 --> 00:21:59,559
and I was with my cousin,
he was a couple years older,
572
00:21:59,594 --> 00:22:02,700
and he was asking if he
could have one of my socks,
573
00:22:02,735 --> 00:22:04,288
and I didn't want, why, why?
574
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:08,154
And he pull his sock into his
fucking sleeping bag with him.
575
00:22:08,188 --> 00:22:12,917
And pretty soon there
was a jizistic odorifous
576
00:22:12,952 --> 00:22:15,299
coming from the sleeping bag.
577
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,025
And I was, you know,
I asked him,
578
00:22:17,059 --> 00:22:18,578
I insisted what he was doing.
579
00:22:18,613 --> 00:22:19,545
He showed me.
580
00:22:19,579 --> 00:22:21,098
And that was it.
581
00:22:22,824 --> 00:22:24,170
I would say I was nine or 10
582
00:22:24,204 --> 00:22:28,381
and first time I ever
came in a sock, it hurt.
583
00:22:29,624 --> 00:22:32,385
Like I remember like,
I think it was guilt.
584
00:22:32,420 --> 00:22:34,214
It was Catholic guilt that I...
585
00:22:34,249 --> 00:22:37,045
It actually, like sometimes
when you cum, like,
586
00:22:37,079 --> 00:22:38,564
it feels like, "Oh!",
587
00:22:38,598 --> 00:22:41,567
like it's called the
petite mort, petite mort,
588
00:22:41,601 --> 00:22:42,775
the little death.
589
00:22:42,809 --> 00:22:45,467
Like it's after a lion
fucking bangy bangys,
590
00:22:45,502 --> 00:22:46,813
he can't run as fast.
591
00:22:46,848 --> 00:22:48,194
And then the young
lion comes in.
592
00:22:48,228 --> 00:22:49,506
That's ridiculous.
593
00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:53,061
Anyway, it's true, but it
has nothing to do with this.
594
00:22:53,095 --> 00:22:55,339
First time I ever knew
I was attracted to a man
595
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:59,274
it was just to a hand, that's
all it was, just to a hand.
596
00:22:59,308 --> 00:23:01,725
- It's time to go
trick or treating.
597
00:23:01,759 --> 00:23:05,418
Three more beer, shotgun, two
more joints. Let's go buddy.
598
00:23:05,453 --> 00:23:07,178
Trick or treat time.
- Are we really doing this?
599
00:23:07,213 --> 00:23:09,353
- Fucking right we are.
600
00:23:10,078 --> 00:23:11,010
- All right.
601
00:23:11,044 --> 00:23:12,218
- My only problem is.
602
00:23:12,252 --> 00:23:15,152
Fuck, gotta do a boner test.
603
00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:17,119
No, we're gonna be fine.
604
00:23:17,154 --> 00:23:18,604
- Ricky, why would
you get a boner?
605
00:23:18,638 --> 00:23:20,916
- Oh, in case you see a
trick or treat.
606
00:23:20,951 --> 00:23:23,056
Might be some hot moms.
607
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:28,545
You got an extra trick or
treat bag for me, buddy?
608
00:23:28,579 --> 00:23:30,063
- Thanks for listening.
609
00:23:30,098 --> 00:23:33,688
Go to swearnet.com to watch it.
[chuckles]
610
00:23:33,722 --> 00:23:34,792
- [Ricky] Let's go kitty.
611
00:23:34,827 --> 00:23:38,589
[bright music]
[cat meows]
612
00:23:38,624 --> 00:23:41,247
[birds cawing]
613
00:23:42,490 --> 00:23:47,702
[ship engine running]
[birds cawing]
614
00:23:53,224 --> 00:23:56,642
[fishes saying "fuck"]
615
00:24:02,095 --> 00:24:04,684
[eerie music]
616
00:24:06,721 --> 00:24:09,378
- [In The Background] Fuck off.
45404
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