Original subtitles

- [Narrator] Warning.

The following program contains really coarse language,

weed, alcohol consumption,

smoking, and sexual inferences.

This content may not be suitable for viewers under 18.

To activate parental controls,

please press the big go [beep] yourself button

on your remote control.

[calm music plays]

- This fucking girl from England,

who's claimed she's banged over 20 ghosts,

and now she's engaged to one [laughs].

- Okay

- [Man In Blue Shirt] Are you fucking kidding me [laughs]?

- Just you're saying that into my good ear.

- I know , I even watched her fucking interview she's--

- [Man In Black Shirt] She banged 20 ghosts.

- Yep.

- And now she's engaged to a ghost.

- Apparently they're better lovers than real men.

- Wow, she's just gotta.

- [Ricky] And she's fucking them.

She's not a bad looking girl.

I don't really get it, it's weird.

- I get it, she's got a couple of screws loose.

- Yeah, that's probably--

- She wants wants to have a baby

with this ghost she's engaged to.

So they're asking her, you know, "well is

"it gonna be a human baby?"

And she said, "well, I'm hoping.

"But, if it's not, you know,

"it'll probably be a phantom baby".

- Well, you know what?

- She believes in phantom pregnancies, I guess.

- But that's her only way out of this.

For her to actually have a ghost baby.

That's the only way she can get

out of fucking not looking like a crazy--

- Oh no, she still looks-- - Well, you know what?

I feel bad for her - She still looks good.

- I feel actually sorry for her because she's clearly--

- Insane. - Out of her mind.

- Maybe she's not, maybe she's happier than all of us.

She sure fucking seems like it.

She met her fucking fiance ghost

in Australia on an nature hike [snickers].

And then she's like, "normally when I sleep with a ghost,

"I have to leave the ghost at the scene

"cause they can't really move around".

But, she said "I was surprised when I was flying home.

- "He was on the plane".

- And they went to the bathroom.

And now she's part of the mile high club.

- No, with a ghost?

You're fucking kidding me.

[man in blue shirt chuckles]

- [Man In Black T-Shirt] Can We go get drunk now?

Can we stop this?

- Yes, I'm outta...

I need another beer.

- What the fuck, she seems...

She said the fucking...

She was just sitting on the plane,

and all of a sudden she felt the ghost

and the guy was like, "what, did you get hugged?

She's like, "no, I felt him".

Like I think he must have been inside of her, in the seat.

And then they took it to the bathroom.

- So ghosts just float around

and just fuck whoever they want, do they?

- That's quite a fuckin'--

- Right through clothing too.

- Quite a thing.

- Well, he's a ghost.

He can fuckin...

He could be in between her skin and the clothing.

He could fit right in that--

- They said, "is he old?" - Little microscopic gap.

- And she said, "yeah, he's been around for a long time.

"He's very wise".

- So he's good at banging too, obviously.

- He's been fuckin' for centuries now.

[man in blue shirt chuckles]

- [Man In Blue Shirt] So I went to the props department,

and found this big bag of dicks.

[bag crackling]

So, I figure what we'll do.

Tie a bunch of these together in a big ball.

Put that on a pulley up to the ceiling.

They hit a trip wire, [bell dings]

of the big fucking ball of dicks, smack, right in the face.

It's gonna be fuckin' awesome.

So just take about four dicks, I guess.

Grab 'em by the ball sack.

Then tie them around the ball sack.

Leave a bit of length so you can tie them all together.

I can't wait to see the fuckin' look on their face

when they get hit in the face

with about fuckin' 25 dicks.

Fuck you.

All right, well we've got six left,

so we'll just tie all these little guys

and do a little six fuckin' pod here.

That'd be weird if you had one of those.

Huh [laughs]?

What would you do with that?

All right, so once you get dicks your all tied off...

It's kind of weird how that worked out.

Two groups.

You wanna tie them all together.

So you get some fucking twine.

Circle it around all the balls.

Fuck off.

All right, holy fuck that's heavy.

That's gonna fucking hurt.

So getting a big ball of dicks in the face is not great,

but getting a big ball of butter dicks

in the face is even fuckin' worse.

And then, you know, when someone's got coming

through the offs

and they got butter and shit all over them,

and you say, "hey, dick butter, "the fuck are you doing

"in my fuckin', my office?

"Fuckin' with all my tools and shit".

So, that's gonna be...

Oh, that's fucking nasty.

Oh, they feel so weird.

All right, so imagine taking that fucking thing

in the fucking face.

All right, so now I'm gonna take my big ball of dicks

all buttered up.

Gonna hang 'em from the ceiling from the pulleys.

Set up my little trip wire,

and we're gonna see on camera next time

who's fuckin' with me cause they're gonna get this right

in the fuckin' face.

[tense music plays] [foot steps approaching]

[pulley creaks]

Just setting the last of my trip wire here

for the big ball of butter dicks.

So everybody be careful here.

Don't hit this fucking wire or you're gonna get a big ball

of butter dicks right in the fucking face.

Which would be kind of funny, but.

All right, now that's done.

We're gonna move on to fuck you trap number three.

[bell dings] The flour blaster.

[upbeat music plays]

[flour sprays]

The flour blaster is a great way to fuck someone

over especially if they get hit

with the fucking piss balloons first

and they get hit with flour.

I mean, it's gonna be pretty easy

to tell who the fuck has been in here

and fucking with all my stuff.

So, with the flour blaster,

you're gonna need an air compressor.

Just need a little bag of flour about this size.

You wanna run a fucking tube like this

from your compressor.

Cut a little hole in the little baggie here.

Don't keep it too big.

The smaller, the better.

Jam your little tube in.

Secure that with a bit of fuckin' duct tape.

And you don't wanna turn the compressor

on until you're done just in case it fucking goes off

and blasts you.

So that's already like that.

You wanna open the bag

and you can just have it sitting here or anything like that.

As soon as they hit a trip wire,

basically the idea is the trip wire is gonna be hooked up

to this little fucking thing,

and then, boom.

[flour sprays] Fuck

Okay.

That wasn't supposed to happen.

[spits] Anyway, it does work pretty fucking good

as you can see.

[exhales heavily] So I'm gonna have to reset that.

Run a fucking trip wire.

For fuck sakes [spits].

We're gonna get to the bottom

of who's been in my fucking shop fuckin with me

and we're gonna fuck them.

This is fucking ridiculous.

Now I got it in my fucking eyes, I can't see.

[metal clanging] [head smacks]

Fuck.

God damn it.

[sighs] Fuck, all right, get out the cut.

I can't see a fucking thing.

I need to smoke a fuckin' joint.

We'll be back.

[upbeat music plays]

- I'm Matty Matheson, and I'm here--

- I'm Randy. - Ran, not now.

Just chill, man.

I'm Matty Matheson, and I'm here,

and I'm gonna be cooking rappie pie for the boys.

We got Julian and the Ricky and the Bubbles,

and Randy, you're gonna help me carry the bags, okay?

- Yeah, but you're, you're making cheeseburgers, Matty.

- No, I'm not making fuckin' cheeseburgers.

- You're known for your cheeseburgers.

- But that's not what I'm making.

I'm making the boys rappie pie.

I wanna make them something I care about.

I don't fucking care about cheeseburgers, man.

- But I don't want dessert, Matty.

I want a nice cheeseburger.

Please Matty. - Rappie pie is not dessert.

It's chicken, it's potato, it's crunchy.

- I don't know what this rappie pie stuff is.

It's a frigging dessert.

Like he's won awards from his cheeseburgers

for freaks sakes.

Like stick to what you know.

- I wanna make them something that's really honest

and a part of me,

and then fuckin' Randy fuckin idiot,

he's just like "cheeseburgers."

- If you do a good job, maybe I'll make you a cheeseburger.

- You'll make me a cheeseburger?

- Well maybe, if you carry the bags.

I don't want you to be sad

because I don't want some sad mother fucker walking around.

- I'll carry the bags.

- Okay, you carry the bags.

- Yeah, I'll do it. - We gotta get the rappie pie.

And if you do a good job, you gotta help me.

I'll make you a cheeseburger, okay?

- Deal.

- Okay, Randy. - Good grip.

- Well, yeah strong hands.

You got a strong hand, aye?

- You're pretty handsome.

- Well, okay.

We're gonna go get some fuckin rappie pie

and maybe a cheeseburger for my cheeseburger boy here.

[upbeat music plays]

- Hey, what's going on man?

- [Butcher] Hey, watch the glass.

- [Matty] Fuckin' Randy, we're at the fuckin' butcher shop,

and he presses his greasy fucking belly right

into the glass, like a fucking goddamn feral gorilla.

It had the fucking imprint on the glass.

Gonna have to clean that up.

Fuckin' get Hep C or something.

Randy, he's just an animal.

Just living outside of society.

I need chicken for rappie pie.

If you can just cut em in half.

- Yep. - That'd be great.

And I'm trying to share something like fucking intimate

and a part of my heritage with the boys.

I wanna impress them.

Be my first time hanging out with them, I wanna look cool.

- [Butcher] Two pass, or you want it like that?

- Just do it one more time.

Oh yeah, that's gonna make the patties

for the boys [laughs].

[upbeat music plays]

- All right, boys all set, there's your beef.

- [Randy] Yeah, looks awesome.

- You gotta make sure for the rest

of the day we gotta be really good.

Rappie pie's important.

- I believe you Matty. - Okay.

- I believe you, I'm very excited.

- [Butcher] So whose paying?

- Julian's got us looked after.

- Yeah. - Who's Julian?

- Julian's got it. - Yeah.

- Julian who owns

the trailer park. - Is he here?

Has he got money on him?

- Yeah, no, he's out in the car.

- Oh Okay. - Julian.

I'm here to fucking cook for the boys.

And I'm not fuckin' paying outta my fucking pocket.

- You guys gonna come right back with the money?

- Yeah, absolutely, thank you.

- Very nice meeting you. - Nice to meet guys.

- Enjoy the meat. - Randy, let's go.

- Let's go, thanks. - Okay.

- [Matty] I feel bad for that butcher shop.

But [groans] it seems like everyone gets dicked coming

down here.

[upbeat music plays]

- [Randy] Are we gonna make cheeseburgers first

before the rappie pie, please?

- Dude, we got...

I wanted to really make sure

that the rappie pie is perfect for the boys.

- I'm famished, I need a cheeseburger.

- Okay, just if we so if we stop...

We need to stop talking about the cheeseburgers.

I'll show you how to make the cheeseburger.

- You will? - Yeah, I'll get you.

We're gonna fucking do it.

We'll just do the fucking cheeseburger.

Rappie pie, I'll fuckin', we'll do later.

- [claps] Cheeseburgers.

- [Matty] Okay, fuck I hate cheeseburgers.

[upbeat music plays]

You like big patties, or do you like small patties?

- I like smaller patties, but with more of them.

- Okay, more of them,

- Like multiple.

- Pat, like they're triple stackers.

- Sure.

- Okay so can you make balls?

Kinda wanna, like make meatballs.

Like that, is that okay?

And as you do that, I'm gonna make some secret sauce.

- [Randy] How come mine looks like an egg?

- Well, you gotta fuckin" pay attention.

You gotta work really hard right now.

- [Randy] You don't squish the balls hard.

- No you you're gentle, firm but fair.

- Look, that's almost perfect.

- Okay, just a little bit smaller.

- [Randy] Freak sakes.

- So I got yellow mustard, ketchup,

and then we're gonna do mayo, right?

And then these sauces.

That's what makes special sauce.

And then I'm gonna cut an onion.

I'm gonna share your cuttin...

Can I share the cutting board?

- Sure.

- [Matty] What's your favorite cheeseburger?

- The one that I'm just about getting ready to eat.

- That's your favorite one?

You haven't even had it.

- Well, I'm just saying that it's like every cheeseburger,

some cheeseburgers are better than others.

Just, I don't like it if it's a dried up piece

of frigging shit, I don't like that.

- No. - No.

- [Matty] Julian likes fuckin' well done bullshit,

doesn't he?

- Well Julian, yeah.

He likes them lean, he's got the muscles.

- He's got fuckin' so many muscles.

And then some pickles, do you like pickles?

- Love pickles. - Okay, we got pickles.

[Matty grunts] - And sausage.

Do you like sausage?

- Yeah, but not for this.

- Well, I'm just..

You know, about that long.

- Oh Randy.

[harmonica plays] So I'm just gonna cut this

on raw beef.

Always make sure you got raw beef on your cutting board.

Cause you know what?

We're in the trailer park.

- [Randy] You're not supposed to cut stuff on raw beef.

- Do you like eating tartare, steak tartare?

Have you ever had?

- I don't like tar.

- No it's not tar, tartare.

Have you ever had--

- Tarter sauce, yeah.

- No, it's not tarter sauce.

Okay, nevermind.

[upbeat music plays]

- [Bubbles] What's going on, it's Bubbles here.

Fuckin trying not to freak out.

I'm about to go into Classified Studio.

Where it all goes down.

Where he makes the hits.

I got T here with me.

T got me in tonight.

- Listen.

- T Thanks for getting me in.

- When you come up

in this mother fucker, don't make a fool to yourself, yo.

- I won't, I'll try not to. - We gonna hold it down.

We gonna spit some real shit, yo.

You know what it is. - Okay.

I don't normally get into places like this.

- But you know what it is though, right?

- I think I do - Listen.

Your two other friends, they ain't here.

Listen, I got you.

You just be yourself.

- So it's just me and T.

- It's me and you, I got you.

You cool though, don't worry.

- I don't normally get into places like this.

T vouched for me.

And he's like, "Bubbles will be cool, he won't fuck around".

- He fucking better be.

You know what it is.

- I will T. - He's my problem.

This motherfucker. - I will T, thank you.

[rap music playing] - Yeah I'm just...

You know, I'm in the fucking right

in the recording room here.

This is where they do the vocals, right here.

Look at this.

So if I could just shoot a little bit

of stuff while you're rapping

then this would be fucking decent.

- "Peeping In The Window?"

Is that what you want to do?

Let's do it.

[upbeat rap music plays]

♪ Who's that peepin in your window window ♪

♪ Class representing outta Enfield ♪

♪ Got a habit I been after something ♪

I dunno if you wanted it creepy, I did it creepy.

- Quake Matthews doesn't fuck around baby.

[upbeat rap music playing]

This is where all the recording happens right here.

It's got all the fancy gear.

- What's up.

- Classified right there.

♪ I'm trynna show em what I'm worth ♪

♪ So I'm working till I suffocate ♪

♪ Nobody wants to die over worked and under paid ♪

[upbeat rap music plays]

- That's a bad ass rapper.

One of these days, I'm gonna take you on.

- [chuckles] You know what, I'm ready for you, Bubbs.

- Could you teach me how to, you know, do some battle rap?

- You wanna stick around an hour after

this if you have time?

We can go through your basics and stuff like that.

- That's weird. [man in striped shirt laughs]

Stick around afterwards.

♪ Shameless, the way I'm so

♪ Get to flipping like a Honda

♪ Motorola phone I'll blow you're fucking tongue out ♪

♪ Bitch say something boy

♪ Lane checker

♪ Put us the map

♪ Cause I'm a legend

♪ Get it

♪ East coast West Coast know I got the ♪

- [Bubbles] Everybody's right on the liquor.

- [Man In Striped Shirt] Yeah.

- Go down to Sobies to the fish department.

Grab a big cod and start socking on his lips.

That's what it tastes like.

- Who hasn't done that? [men laugh]

- [Producer] Bubbles do you play guitar?

- Yeah.

- Yeah do you wanna--

- [Bubbles] You want me to try to put some guitar?

I'll fuckin' put some guitar on there.

- Put some guitar on that shit man.

- It matches your shirt and everything.

- Holy fuck, look at that.

Look at that, special order. [men laugh]

[upbeat guitar music plays]

Are you looking for country western or?

[upbeat rap music plays]

[guitar playing] [upbeat rap music plays]

Just wait, let me roll my sleeve up.

My sleeve's getting tangled up.

- [Producer] Come on folks.

Lets get serious about this shit dude.

♪ I got a habit I been at this like an addict ♪

[upbeat guitar music plays] [upbeat rap music plays]

- [Producer] Fuck Bubbs, you killed that shit.

[upbeat guitar music plays]

- Come on. - It's over.

- [Producer] All right, I'm gonna need three quarters

of the publishing.

- Okay.

[men laugh]

T I hope I'm not embarrassing ya.

I know you got me in here tonight.

And I'm right on the liquor.

I hope I'm not embarrassing ya.

- Nope, we good, we on the same lane.

- Decent.

[chill music plays]

- It's almost dinner time, and I am fucking pumped.

It's chicken finger day.

The greatest fucking day of the week.

I mean, it's the little things in jail

that really make being in jail worthwhile.

And chicken finger day to me is like,

I don't know, going to the Olympics.

I mean, not as one of the athletical guys or whatever,

but you know, someone that works there,

and is pumped up cause well it's the fuckin' Olympics.

Anyway, I'm fucking pumped, it's the Olympics.

Yeah, chicken finger day boys.

- You're gonna be disappointed brother,

there's not no fingers.

- What are you talking about?

- We'll check it. - Get me a fuckin' tray man.

- [Man With Goatee] Rick, tell fucking Billy

that peas and carrots are frozen, man.

You guys' peas and carrots frozen?

Fuck, it's not even cooked, man.

- [Ricky] Oh man.

What the fuck is that?

- [Billy] Chicken nuggets.

- [Ricky] It's chicken finger day.

- [Billy] Yeah, it's the same thing.

- [Ricky] No, it's not.

- [Billy] Yeah, it is, it's the same thing.

- I want some fucking chicken fingers.

It's chicken finger day.

- Here watch.

Chicken finger, two nuggets.

Two nuggets, chicken finger, same thing.

- [Ricky] No, it's not the same thing.

Where are the fucking good kind chicken fingers?

- Ricky's mental battle

over chicken fingers versus chicken nuggets

has been going on as long as I can remember.

Since we were little guys.

And I think it started with Ray,

cause Ray always thought the chicken fingers were a part

of the chicken wing that actually came right off the bird.

And that nuggets were just compressed meat

from various areas.

And he taught that to Ricky and it stuck.

And it's been going on and I mean, thank fucking god

he doesn't know what pop corn chicken

or chicken tenders even are yet.

- [Ricky] Do you have any fucking chicken fingers

back there?

- No, I just have chicken nuggets.

It's the same thing. - Okay.

Wanna play like that, do ya?

Fucking, Jesus.

- [Female Officer] What's Ricky doing?

- He's in an awful hurry.

[female officer laughs]

- He's worked up about something.

- [Female officer] What is that?

Does he have a shank?

- [Officer With Glasses] He's got a shank,

and he's threatening the chef.

- I'm not doing the paperwork.

- Do not threaten me with that toothbrush.

- Go in the fuckin' freezer

and get some fucking fingers for me only.

I don't care, these guys are fine with chicken nuggets,

I'm not. - I don't have any.

Just take the nuggets, come on.

- I'm not eating that fucking ball and cock gut bullshit.

- [Billy] Just take a step back.

We can all calm down.

- He's right, they taste the same.

- No, they don't.

- [Billy] It's the same thing,

- [Ricky] Those are bullshit.

They're not even the good kind.

- Look, do you see any fucking beaks or balls,

or cocks or anything?

- Doesn't even look like real chicken,

- Its all white fucking meat.

- [Male Officer] For the love of fuck,

what's goin on in here?

- Fuck off

- [Male Officer] Jesus, fuck Ricky.

- [Ricky] What the fuck is this bullshit?

It says chicken finger day.

And he's got chicken balls here.

- [Female Officer] What?

- [Billy] They're nuggets, they're chicken nuggets.

- [Ricky] Yeah, chicken bullshit is what it is.

- [Female Officer] What's the difference?

- I want some good kind chicken fingers,

or I'm fucking shankin' Billy.

- [Male Officer] What are you serving up here?

- [Billy] Chicken nuggets, frozen vegetables,

tarts salad, delicious.

- Put the fucking shank down - Look at fucking sign.

- We'll get you some top quality, A plus.

We'll have one of the fucking guards run out to Costco.

Is that gonna make you happy?

- Yeah, it's gonna make me very fucking happy.

- And I want chicken fingers

on chicken finger day from now on.

Not this nugget bullshit.

So, I'm gonna get some chicken fingers?

- [Male Officer] We're gonna get you

some chicken fingers, Rick.

- Yeah, see Billy.

Great fucking.

- Now gimme the shank. - It's not a shank.

It's a toothbrush with a tooth pick built in.

Just so we're clear.

- [Male Officer] Yeah, and this is my vibrator.

Hand it over.

We'll get you a new one of these.

- [Ricky] All right, I feel good.

Chicken finger day is not fuckin' ruined [sighs].

- [Male Officer] Would you like red wine

or white wine with that?

- Sparkling white would be great.

All right, this is good boys.

- [Male Officer] We'll make sure we get this.

- Enjoy your shitty nuggets [laughs].

You should have waited for the good fucking chicken fingers.

Fucking dummies.

I'll be in my fucking cell.

I want them delivered.

- What's he talking about?

That's fucking quality.

- [Billy] Yeah, I know.

- I knew those guys were fucking gonna gimme what I want.

I mean, they know I'm not gonna shank Billy probably.

I like Billy.

And I know they're fucking watching the fights tonight,

so their fucking lazy.

They don't wanna do a bunch of paperwork

and be late getting outta here.

So fuck them, I out smarted them.

- Pay per view is $120.

Not gonna waste my money

over some fucking chicken nugget fight, stupid.

He wasn't gonna shank him.

He wasn't serious.

And if he did, I wouldn't have to blame him.

- $1,200 Limit, are you kidding me?

I've got $1.75 million in assets.

Oh, I understand that, I'm not working right now

because I have so much money in assets, okay?

I think you guys gotta go back--

- Julian, I got to to talk to you.

- Aight, just a moment please.

What Bubbs?

- I gotta talk to you.

- I'm trying to apply for a fucking credit card.

- Did you have any of the checking fingers Ricky's eating?

- No, he won't fucking share them with me.

- Well, we got a fucking situation.

The guys are saying Ronnie rubbed them all over his bag

before he gave them to Ricky.

- Oh my fuck.

No, he didn't.

- He had them up his ass crack.

He had them in between his bag and his legs doing a dance.

- Okay, so what do you want me to do?

- Oh, we gotta tell him, don't we?

- No, we're not gonna fucking tell him.

Do you want him to retaliate against fucking Ronnie?

You know what that's gonna fuckin do?

- Do we just let him eat the fucking things?

They were all over his bag.

- Okay, he's had one or two

or three or four of them.

They've been fucking dipped in his bag.

Just let him continue to eat the rest of them.

He doesn't know obviously, okay?

What does bag even taste like?

- I don't know, but it don't feel right knowing

that he's eating that.

And I'm just letting him.

- Just make sure nobody else fucking tells him, okay?

- This is fucked.

- I know it's fucked.

♪ Fucking for centuries

♪ I've been fucking for centuries ♪

♪ And disappointing you getting me tough ♪

- Good singing Bubbs.

- It's gonna be a good night boys.

- All right, boys, lets get go some liquor drinks.

- Karaoke and we're singing "Fucking For Centuries".

♪ I have been Fucking for centuries. ♪

[birds chirping] [calm music plays]

[motor running]

[birds cawing]

[tense tone plays]

- [Narrator] Fuck off.