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Warning, the following program

contains really coarse language,

weed, alcohol consumption, smoking and sexual inferences.

This content may not be suitable for viewers under 18.

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Isn't this much better with?

♪ Nobody knows my sorrows

- What?

Isn't this much better, man?

I'm too baked boys.

Well, it's just...

I must be too, man.

I'm trying to fucking laugh,

from reading this joke book,

and not one fucking joke has made me laugh.

- All right. - What's the joke?

It's a joke book about your mama.

No, it is.

All right. Tell us a fucking joke, man.

This is how dumb these ones are.

I gotta drink myself down.

Your mama is so stupid that she cut holes in her umbrella

to see if it was raining.

Not funny.

Aw.

Kinda cute.

It's not bad.

Read me another one.

Your mama is so stupid,

it took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Get it?

Your Mama is so stupid that she tried to drown a fish.

- Drown him in the air.

Bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop. Bling.

Bloop bloop bloop.

Your mama is so fat that she walked into the Gap,

and filled it.

She walked into a what?

The Gap.

The Gap?

- And filled it.

Get it?

Oh, I thought you meant the, the,

the store, the Gap.

It did mean that, didn't it?

Did it?

- Well, it wouldn't just be a gap in the ground.

Then it wouldn't be funny, it would be tragic.

Yeah, these are fucking terrible.

I thought you would like that book, Ricky.

I thought it'd be funnier.

- Those seem like jokes that are right up your alley though.

Your mamma's so fat, the National Weather Service

names each of her farts.

Wow.

Keep reading man, keep reading.

It's pretty good.

Yeah, they're not bad.

Pretty good jokes.

I mean, I wouldn't head down to Yuk Yuks, and...

Hop on stage, you know what I mean?

With those jokes, but...

Boo!

These are fucking terrible.

No, I don't know, Ricky.

I'm too baked to decide if they're funny or not.

Your mama is so skinny she can hang glide off a Dorito.

Hang glide off a Dorito!

Terrible.

Your mama is so dirty that she makes mud look clean.

There we go. That one's good for your mama.

Why?

Because she's filthy.

Why would you say that, man?

Slutty.

Wait. What? Slutty!

Bud!

She likes to, you know...

She likes...

She likes when cars go in the mud.

Well, you've never even met my mom,

so you guys can both fuck off.

She likes, she likes it in the mud, hey Ricky?

She likes it in the mud?

What do you mean by that?

- I don't know.

What does it mean?

Don't know.

Boys! We gotta stop getting so high.

- Nope. - Just embrace it, bud.

It's much, you know what?

It is much easier to live like Ricky.

Let me tell you.

You don't give a fuck about anything.

You just get high all day.

I think we should stop staying up all fucking night.

♪ Gonna get high all day

- We should start sleeping regular hours.

♪ Gonna get high all day

You're saying this?

I think it would be good for us to try.

I tried to go to fucking go to sleep at three o'clock

last night.

You're the one that stayed up.

The music was sounding good.

The drugs were tasting lovely.

There you go.

So, it's your fucking fault, man.

Hey, sing this with me.

If we start earlier.

♪ I'm gonna get high all day.

♪ Gonna get high all day.

♪ Gonna get high all day.

Sing it.

♪ Gonna get high all day.

You're not singing it.

Put this on, man.

It's your dick, bro.

Bonjour.

I am Bubert.

Oh!

Jesse!

I heard you'd be down here tonight.

Yeah

Right on, man. I listen to you every morning.

Ah, thanks buddy.

I've been waiting to get out with you, and rip it.

So now we're gonna do it!

Every night you're doing something crazy, right?

- Nope.

Oh yeah, I know it.

I'm coming with you tonight, no matter what.

- I don't know about that, man.

You're not allowed to talk about it

'cause it's like Fight Club.

It's not a Fight Club.

Oh, awesome man!

No, no I'm just going to a buddy's.

A buddy's?

Yeah, a buddy's.

- Like someone... - who's your buddy?

- Um...

It was great to see you.

Oh yeah. You too. You too.

Thanks for coming out, man.

I gotta go. I gotta go

- Yeah, cool. Right on. Right on.

- No, but listen, listen, listen

Jess, Jess, Jess.

He literally calls us every single day.

Ah. Haven't really hung out with him before.

Hey, no. Seriously, Jesse!

Well, where are you heading?

Maybe you can give me a lift?

What part of town you going to?

Ah, Springbank. I doesn't...

Oh, perfect, I'll just tag along, like.

I got a sense that it's gonna be a good time.

I wanna know what the club is, man.

I want be in the club.

It's not a club.

- Oh, that. See?

It's the first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about...

So, it is a club?

- It's not a Fight Club.

Let's just go.

Oh! This is gonna be great, a secret club.

Springbank is beautiful.

It is.

I'm just so stoked to be like part of your crew now.

Come to all the things you get to go to, for free.

If you this up for me.

- Yeah.

- I will never answer your calls on the radio, ever again.

Tell me where we're going then, man.

We're going to Bret "The Hitman" Hart's house.

Bret "The Hitman" Hart?

Bret "The Hitman" Hart.

- Whoa!

So I was right about it being kind of a Fight Club.

- It's not a Fight Club.

- Can I suplex him or something?

- There's no suplexing.

Wrestling is not real.

Okay. What?

That's Dal.

Oh, you know him?

Yeah. You gotta be chilling okay?

Oh, he kinda looks like him, there.

Hey man. Nice to meet you. Yeah. Really good.

Me and Jesse like, we go way back like old pals yeah.

We just met. We play table hockey.

It's like an underground table hockey league.

Are you serious?

Yeah it's pretty legit.

Like the...

Oh, Bret!

Maybe I could just talk to him?

- I don't know. - He's kinda hesitant

about letting certain people in.

Yeah but...

Just, once he sees me he'll be like,

"Oh yeah. That guy seems awesome."

Like, trust me guys. I just wanna meet him.

- Yeah.

- I just wanna meet him, I gotta meet him like in real life.

Hey, Dad!

- Oh, hey. - Nice to meet you, bud.

Hey Terry. You a table hockey guy?

Like, I used to play a little while down

at the arcade there. So, yeah! I can play.

Maybe I could come in if you think that'd be alright, like?

Um. Come in, like and do what, like?

Like, just hang around here?

You have to kind of earn it.

Usually you gotta beat Brett if you want to come in.

That's a start, I mean...

Yeah! No, I could beat you!

- It's all... You think you could beat me?

Oh, I could totally beat you at table hockey.

Like, it'd be easy. I could do it.

You can come in. You can eat the barbecue.

You can even have a couple cocktails.

Right on.

But you gotta beat me first.

If you can't beat me.

Yeah?

I have a condition.

What is it?

- You gotta do my yard.

- Challenge. - Challenge accepted.

He says he's gonna beat me,

and if he doesn't then he's going to mow the entire yard.

Yeah, I got a special referee, too.

What's going on?

Make your move, son! Make your move.

I haven't eaten yet.

His lawn is like...

You were supposed to be on my team, against him!

No! No! No! I never said that, I never said that.

- You're cutting the grass too!

Oh god! We blew it.

- Hey, hey, hey! - Don't put your sock in there.

Hey, wait a minute brother, no socks!

Cleaning, my ass.

I was cleaning the goalie.

- Ready?

- I'm ready. - Oh, he's quick.

- Go! Go, go go!

And... Oh! Shot and a miss.

Hi Brandon.

Woo!

We're going to five, right?

Five goals? Is that how it goes?

Oh! Sweet save!

Oh!

Whoops!

Ooh!

- Can't do a U.S.A. But I'll Can-a-da.

So?

I think somebody likes some yard work.

- All right. Well, yeah. - Brother, brother!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Champion,

Bret "The Hitman" Hart!

There's an extension cord in the garage.

Okay.

There you go, bud.

Okay, so I just gotta...

- We'll give you a beer after you're done.

- I might need some more cords.

What the?

Got the wrong end.

I just finished.

Took me like, I don't know...

Been here for two days.

And now the grass that I started on, is already back up.

Like so.

I've been doing loops in Springbank,

and I don't even know where I am.

There's no traffic out here.

You don't got like one of them things.

The apps, Ubers or whatever?

- You take this bottle,

and you run with the bulls in Pamplona.

And you bring this bottle back, unopened and unscathed

and you will get to marry Isabella.

And that is the only way.

And she tells the family to back off.

And there I am, with the bottle.

I cannot have a drink of this bottle.

I don't know why I'm talking with the accent,

but, I think I have, what I have happened,

happened to me is, I have become under the cock spell.

I have protected this bottle, ever since that day.

This, I'd like to share with you.

This is a testimony, this is a celebration,

to the true love of my life, Isabella.

Isabella.

I would like to finish the story now.

I took this bottle, and I took it like, like...

Remember a couple years ago, they had these little...

Kids, they had to take care of their little "aminals"

or they would die or something.

Like, little, little um...

The fairy, furry things and stuff.

And nowadays, you have these fuckin' chicky eggs that like,

I don't know what, the thing pops outta the chick egg,

and the guys asleep at three o'clock.

How the fuck the parents just wasted 250,000, $250 whatever.

The thing is about it, is that, I want you to know that

I didn't take it seriously because I did love Isabella.

And all the way, I took...

It was a long, long way.

It took about a hundred...

I always had...

Oh, I forgot to tell you. I always had to walk.

Was not not a

I had to walk all the way to Pamplona Bulls.

And on the way I met this guy, his name was Jovono.

You see Jovono.

He used to have one of those,

one of those wonderful souls

that you meet on your past life.

And you, you wonder what happened to him

all of these years back.

Anyway, we went to a Pamplona, and ran with the bulls.

I got to, protect the bottle.

I got bruised a little bit,

but I never fucking see a scratch.

And Jovono and I, to celebrate our accomplishments

at the night of the Pamplona bulls, we got piss drunk.

And I woke up in the middle of the night.

And I was naked,

and I was lying right beside Jovono

who was also naked.

And I was a young man, and I was very, very confused.

Now, I don't, 'til this day, know what happened

on that particular night,

but I was so confused that I took my bottle

and I took the next flight back home.

And, guess what?

I became a policeman.

Mr. Lahey, you said that you didn't know how,

but today's the day that Ricky's going down.

This is how.

- Fuck.

Mr. Lahey, have some faith in me. We can do this.

We can win for the park!

Randy, if we wrestle them, we have to win.

They stole my fucking cheeseburgers.

I'll trade you a bite of my chicken,

for a bite of your burger.

- What the fuck do you want now?

- Okay, here's the deal.

Randy and I will wrestle you both.

When we win, you resign,

and I become trailer park supervisor.

Barb, why are we getting fucked around

with trailer park shit today?

Ricky, will you trust me on this?

I'll explain it all later, okay?

Fine Lahey, we'll fight you.

Yes!

- But when we win, and we will,

you have to tell all these people,

especially those supervisor dicks,

who the real supervisor of Sunnyvale is. Alright?

And who the real assistant supervisor is too.

And when we win, we're gonna be the supervisors of the year.

That's right.

Come on now, boys, what's it gonna be?

Am I gonna referee a fight or what?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Just a second here.

Are you cool with this shit, or what?

- Ah, Julian. I haven't got any choice.

All right you guys, I want a fair, clean fight.

- Deal?

- Deal.

Alright. Tag team wrestling match.

Me and Randy against Ricky and...

- Green bastard,

from parts unknown.

Go on Randy, looks like.

Go Randy! Go! Get 'them!

Yeah. Yeah. Get 'them!

We the referee.

Give it to him.

- Yeah! Yeah Randy! Take them down, Randy!

Foreign object,

foreign object!

Yes, Randy!

Two on one, two on one!

Ricky, Green Bastard, you are both dis-fucking-qualified.

This is bullshit!

- Jason, picture! We've got the cover

for this month's newsletter.

Right? All right, next one's from Verg Vickerns.

Some really fucked up names today.

Julian, I'm currently facing three to five years

for a botched B & E job.

I've been to jail before, but never prison.

Are there any preparations I can make now

while I'm still free,

that would make my time any easier?

I know you have a lot of experience with this

and I would appreciate any advice.

All right, thanks. All right.

Alright. Sorry that you got caught, man.

That wasn't very fucking bright.

If you're gonna do a B & E,

make sure you don't get caught, man.

'Cause, you get fucking B & E charges, it's kind of greasy.

All right?

'Cause I know, if I'd found someone,

fucking breaking it into my house, I'd want to kill them.

All right, man. This is what you gotta do.

Jail is a joke. Prison is a fucking nightmare.

All right? I'm not gonna sugarcoat this

anymore than uh, you know,

than I want to because it's,

it's kind of good.

I mean, you gotta look at it in a positive way.

You're gonna get in there, you're gonna get an education.

You're gonna read as much shit as you possibly can.

All right? But like I said, it sucks.

Fuck it.

And I see this all the time, when I go to prison.

People are scared shitless.

They're pissing themselves.

You gotta go in with a positive attitude, man.

You gotta make friends, and you can't piss anybody off.

Okay?

But, you gotta find, you gotta make sure

the people that you're making friends with

are the right people to make friends with.

Because, I'd say eight outta ten people in jail are dicks.

So you gotta find that 2%. All right?

Don't get caught up in any gangs and shit.

'Cause they're gonna fuck you over.

Be your own person.

If you gotta get, get into a fight, fight them.

It doesn't... Really, it doesn't hurt that much

to get punched in the face. Alright?

It hurts for a second. You keep getting hit.

You don't even feel it after that.

So don't be a dick, man. Be smart.

Good luck in there, man.

All right, we're going on to...

What the fuck is this, Gilly Ceocchini.

Alright, dear Julian.

Just moved into a greasy apartment complex,

my neighbors are loud as fuck, all the time.

And I smoke too much dope to deal with an argument

or a fight, but I really want to get these fuckers back.

Any advice on revenge on my shady neighbors?

I don't know. You've got to...

If you're just gonna smoke dope

and not fucking worry about it too much.

Not worry about any altercations then,

you gotta do something else like,

slash their fucking tires. Okay?

They get them fixed, slash them again.

Keep doing that. Maybe.

I don't think it's gonna, actually slash their fucking tires

because you're pissed off,

but it's probably not gonna stop them from partying.

You gotta go up to their apartment...

Maybe chill out on the weed for a few days.

Get good and cranky, have a few drinks,

at least a pint.

Knock on the door.

Tell them way it is.

Hey, you're driving me fucking crazy. Alright?

You're driving me fucking nuts.

You gotta stop your partying.

And then maybe,

threaten to slash their tires.

If you keep this up, then then slash their tires.

Anyway, I think they, their tires should be slashed.

It's easy dude, just get a fucking knife or a screwdriver.

Boom, boom, boom. Takes about 15 seconds.

Yeah, you know what? I'm pretty high.

- Yeah.

No shit?

It's good, I guess, but it's weird.

♪ I'm gonna get high all day

♪ A-gonna get high all day.

You know what it is?

It's because you're high that makes me feel like...

You know what? I'm high and happy.

Before, I'm taking walks. Now, look at me.

- Having lots of fun. - Look, Julian.

Stick your hand in there.

I'm not putting my hand anywhere near...

Put your hand in there!

If I, like it...

Why would I want to touch your nipple? Huh?

Oh, put your hand in there.

- You'd like that, okay.

No, that's not your hand.

What's in there?

I'm not telling you unless you stick your fingers

in there, Ricky.

- It's probably something weird.

Stick you finger... Do it.

Poisonous spider.

Why would he...

Why would he be rocking around

with a fucking poisonous spider in his?

Like, where would he find it?

Number one, there's none around.

- Do you know how dangerous that would be?

- Imported wood.

- Do you know how dangerous that would be?

Fuck sakes, to have a poisonous spider,

and to keep him in your pocket.

- Would be a good trick to play on someone.

Where is he? Where is he in there?

Oh! Fuck, he got me.

Poisonous.

What was the kid's name in,

in high school that got bit by that spider?

He never got right since.

That was fucking Jerry.

- What did you say? What did you say?

What did you say?

Did I just miss something?

I think he's talking about Spider-Man!

- What!?

What the fuck are you talking about?

You know, he could be. I don't know.

Is that, is that where Spider-Man came from?

Is that who you're talking about, Ricky?

I thought it was a guy in high school.

Got bit by a spider, never got right since.

No, you're talking about Spider-Man.

He got bit by a spider, and he's never been right since.

Is that why he spins webs?

Spider-Man?

- Yeah.

Ricky, he got bit by a radioactive spider.

Didn't know that.

Hey, you know what,

they did release a Spider-Man.

I'm not, I think it's a comic,

where he fucking shot,

like a load.

Okay?

And it was, it was like acid or something.

It was...

I got to fucking find the story, because I can't...

Yeah, you sure do.

Me trying to explain that right now, not good.

So that's one of his other webs

Peter Parker shot an acid load?

Yeah, and it was because someone fucked it over

or something, and it was at a girl he was dating.

Did he shoot it out of his wrist?

No, man.

- Or do you mean he blasted one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You don't shoot loads out of your wrist.

Spider-Man could.

Radio. It was a radioactive load.

Radioactive load?

What are you talking about?

I don't know man.

How come it didn't affect...

- This is just a fantasy you had.

No it isn't, no, I've read this man.

- This is a fantasy he had about Peter Parker.

If it was a radioactive load

it would burn him up inside, wouldn't it?

No, man.

Or is it in a protective coating?

Not if he's got lead coated nuts.

Radioactive.

What are you searching, radioactive load?

- Load.

I'm telling you man, they released this.

I can't wait to see what comes up.

And he was seeing this chick who was another superhero...

Ah! There's no fucking internet in here.

Ah, you...

That's impossible.

Well, I paid the bill.

Bill, fucking shit.

Radioactive load, I think you've just had a fantasy

about Peter Parker.

No, man. No, no.

It was like a comic, it was a series.

There was two released.

- Think it was a dream you had.

Spiders, and fucking...

I think it was a Spider-Man dream.

- Kneeling right over your face.

See I gotta find...

I'm not... You know what?

I'm not leaving until I find this fucking story.

Yep.

- Might've been a dream.

It was not a dream.

You and Peter Parker went on a date.

And that he was kneeling on your chest.

You got him hurt and he was pissed off about it.

- Okay.

- Blew the radioactive load right on your face.

- No, man! That just... this was not...

You guys are fucked, man.

I'm not listening to you guys.

I think that...

So here's something fucked.

They're trying to get this vaccine going, to save people.

Um hm.

- They're saying that they might kill a half million sharks

to fucking, for this vaccine.

- What?

- Yeah.

Sharks?

- They contain squalene, or squailene.

It's a natural oil used as medicine,

and increases the effectiveness of a vaccine.

How many sharks?

- Half a million! That's a lot.

Oh my god, that's a lotta sharks.

- Fucking sharks are not doing good these days.

500,000 sharks?

- Population is down 90 percent.

Fucking people eating shark fin soup and other bullshit.

- Yeah. - Shark load shooters.

Shark load shoes?

Shooters.

That'd be a weird thing to make shoes out of.

Are those alligator skin shoes you're wearing?

Nope! Shark load.

I bet they'd be fucking expensive.

What? How would they even go on your feet, Ricky?

Would it be like dried up, hardened.

And then sculpted into a shoe?

Or would it just be liquid shoes?

Yeah, maybe.

No, it probably forms into like a...

Found it!

A gelatin.

Oh, so it wasn't just a fantasy.

- Nope.

And he killed Mary Jane with it.

Mary Jane?

Yep, with radio radioactive sperm.

Thank fuck, I found the story, man.

Well, now, now you can beat off to it.

Fuck off.