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Warning.

The following program contains really course language,

drug use, Ricky, alcohol consumption,

smoking and sexual inferences.

This content may not be suitable for viewers under 18.

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Do, well.

- If someone was to sleep here,

that'd give you lots of room.

You know what I mean?

- Why would someone sleep there?

- That's gonna be tight.

Because the little meeting I just had.

You had a meeting?

Yeah. We--

One thing we're gonna have to start,

stop fucking doing is smoking so much dope, man.

- Why? - This is outta control.

- No, it's not. - 'Cause I can't

fucking think.

This is perfectly normal.

Perfectly fine. Perfectly great.

All right.

- Well.

This could go here.

Then you could put some fucking,

maybe another chair or something. Bed.

You know what I'm saying?

I can't think about anything to do

with sleeping shit right now

'cause I'm not going to sleep, alright?

- We gotta- - Think about food.

Food's important.

- We're thinking about chicken.

But if I'm gonna live here,

- it's gotta be comfortable. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

- Yeah.

What do you mean live here?

I fucking told you, you...

How fucked are you?

I'm about an eight.

- What?

All right. These people,

they're gonna rent my place for a little while.

We're gonna make some cash.

I'm gonna move in for here for free for a little while.

What do you mean?

I'm gonna move in here.

- Or I get money from the cash?

- We're gonna get money

from the people renting my place.

So it's not for free then. That's good.

No, I get the money,

but then I can stay here for free.

- But then I get money.

But why do you get the money

if we're working together on something?

You know how--

As if you're paying fucking lot fees and shit.

Fuck off.

Hey boys.

- All right, all right. - Hey.

Just let me do the talking.

Holy fuck. It's smokey here.

It's a little bit smokey.

Is there a fucking fire in here?

- I don't know.

See if there's anything in the oven.

- I can't even see you.

- Did we cook something and forget about it?

- The oven's not even on Ricky.

It smells like Cheech and Chong were fucking in here.

It's been a long fucking night, man.

Just a sec, Bubs, Bubs.

Come sit over here for a second.

- Where? - Just sit right here. Listen.

I can't even see where your pointing.

Just in the chair.

You've been good to me.

- Here?

Just sit there.

And you've been a friend.

- Why? Is this a trick?

- Am I gonna sit on a lizard? - There's no trick.

Just sit the fuck down.

You're a great listener.

Okay? Put your feet up.

But now you have to die.

All right? We have about that much space.

We need to get something that long and put a cushion on it.

What? A foot stool?

Here. You can use this.

What are you doing?

- I'm just trying to figure things out, Bubs.

What are you talking about?

Why do you need to have your feet up?

He said he's moving in,

and we're gonna get cash.

That's all I remember.

Who's moving in?

I rented out my trailer.

To who?

Just to a, they're a nice couple.

- Like a Airbnb?

No. For maybe a month, two months, three months.

- Who are they?

- One works for the fucking CRA or something

over in Halifax.

The other one. I don't know what the,

- I think she looks after kids. - - CRA?

Yeah, she looks after kids.

Don't worry about it.

Why in the fuck?

It's good to know these people.

But anyway, they're gonna be moving in soon.

If I cook a chicken.

Are you guys going to eat some of it?

Fuck yeah.

Cook a chicken?

Do you know how long it takes to cook a chicken, Ricky?

- Yeah, an hour.

- Hour?

How big is the chicken?

- It's about this size.

Why do you have a sword?

What are you doing?

You gotta kill 'em.

- Ricky, don't kill it in here.

- It's dead. - Ricky, whoa.

Why is this so slippery?

He's spilled something on there with...

Look at that boys. I'm James Brown.

You know what?

It must be from the bank machine.

Where is the bank machine?

Doesn't matter.

Where is it?

It's somewhere safe, Bubs.

- Really safe. - Okay?

And the less you know the better.

Wow, you got your dancing shit going down, right?

James Brown.

- Ricky. - Hold on to his little leg.

- Ricky.

He crossed the fucking road.

It's his fault.

- It's not even-- Ricky.

- What the fuck you doing, man?

What kind of drugs are you guys on?

I don't know. He's--

And this is gonna stop, by the way,

when you move in.

Oh man, we can't eat this chicken.

Ricky, you didn't think that was real, did ya?

It's got feathers on them.

Ricky. Look.

It doesn't weigh anything.

- I thought... - It's a styrofoam chicken.

- Fuck.

You thought that was real?

All right, bud. I'm sorry.

It was-- I thought-

- Ricky, even if it was real.

How did you think you were gonna cook him?

Just cut him off.

Cut his head off and put him in, feathers and all?

No, I was gonna fucking get rid of the feathers.

- Chainsaw. - Deep into woodsman.

What in the name of Davy Jones right nut

are ye two peckeroons dancing to?

What in the name of Davy Jones left nut

makes it any o' your business, Captain Scary?

There'll be no dancing on my ship.

Is that clear, gentlemen?

Are you sure it's your ship, captain?

Well, he's the captain, but it's all of our ship.

Right, Captain Scary?

No, that's not right, Peter.

This is my ship, and I'm in charge.

Well, I got two bone dry fingers

for your arse that says you're not.

You watch yourself,

you creepy your little bastard and wash up.

You smell like Pandora's box.

- I think you smell like butterflies and cod fish, Rusty.

Thank you Peter.

King Brutal, will you still be needing that vinyl side

in wee horns floggel for ye?

Yes, I want the vinyl side.

And what about the kids' toys and the heated toilet seats?

- Aye, that won't be a problem.

But those are separate pillages, your majesty.

All right, I'll take all of it.

Now piss off.

God damn silly pirates.

I'm sorry. Dr. Field. Ah, continue.

Well, without your medicine,

you're gonna be dead sooner than we thought.

Jesus Christ. Why would you say that to me right now?

I'm sorry, Guy. It's just-

- Where the hell did my ball go?

What in the Christ is that?

- My God, that's a head in here.

Jesus Christ, I have my initials around that ball.

Go get that thing. Would you?

Jesus Christ.

Is Cincinnati area, a caveman or something.

Wonder what shit all this shit?

- Look at this.

Bibbity Bobbity Deer and Fly show rehearsals.

The flies go to Cincinnati.

What the hell's that?

No idea.

- Nice.

Drugs.

Hey guys,

remember me?

Sammy?

Stabby's son.

I'm here to come with you guys to pick up Harry.

No, the deal was we'd go by ourselves.

Oh no. The deal was you wouldn't go

with the old man because, well, he's scary.

This is the new deal.

This is the Sammy deal.

Okay, come on, let's go.

This should be interesting.

Yeah, if it wasn't for me

we'd already be dead.

Let's see you talk your way out of this one,

Terminator ass.

What are you, part robot or something?

Muscles, get in the back.

Yeah, daddy.

We're on a pretty good C-H right now.

Pray to God, they're not dicking around.

'Cause I'm not having a very good day here.

Where's the God damn golf ball?

Where's the golf ball?

Okay, where's the golf ball? Where is it?

Oh, Jesus.

Listen guys, Daddy's on one of his stabbing rampages.

Do not get outta the truck until I calm him down out of it.

Just stay right here.

Unless he starts stabbing me.

And at that point, if you could help me out,

it'd be great.

Love you guys.

Wow. Cutting off some heads, are ya?

Need some help, Daddy?

We're outta here.

- Guys.

Where you going?

Think I messed up, Daddy.

On my count. You unwrap.

Fucking eat.

First one to drive it into the shit locker, wins.

'Kay, step up here.

You got this, man. You got it.

- Step onto the line right here.

Okay. Are we ready?

Are we ready?

You guys are gonna help me count down

in 3, 2, 1, eat.

In 3, 2, 1, eat.

In 3, 2, 1, eat.

- Do it, man. - Do it. Do it, Ricky.

Okay, Ricky. You got this.

Get it in your mouth.

Get out the fucking thing.

What does it open here?

Get the fucking...

Jesus.

Ricky, for fuck's sakes.

It's glued.

- It's not glued. - Well then, fuck.

Yeah. Yes, Randy.

Ricky. Come on.

Ricky try.

Don't give up.

I dropped it. I fucked up.

That doesn't count.

The champ, Randy.

- Done.

- Ta-Da. - Show me.

Jesus, Randy.

Your breath is like a fucking orangutan's arse.

That was bullshit.

The fucking thing was,

I couldn't even get it open.

It shouldn't count.

Well, that was bullshit.

- I won.

You won fair and square, Randers.

That's right, Mr. Lahey.

Okay. Don't fucking get too cocky. Randy.

Ricky, you'll get to pick a competition.

All right.

What do you want to do?

I'm gonna go old school.

This is the way my dad taught me.

The guerillna's used to settle disputes

in the jungle.

No. Ricky.

- A good old fashioned ball off.

No, you're not doing a ball off, man.

You said I could pick anything.

I'm picking a ball off.

What's a?

A ball off.

- Ricky?

It's too fucking dangerous.

If we're doing this it's not gonna be

like it used to in junior high,

where you just, fucking, it's Wild West stuff.

If we're doing this, we're playing by the real rules.

- There's rules?

What do you mean real rules?

There's rules to this now.

It's become a thing.

And actually we're in the United States,

so we're playing by international rules.

- There's international rules to this now?

The fuck are you talking about?

- There's international ball off rules,

Danny. Go to the website for the I-F-V-S-C, please.

Danny. Go to the website for the I-F-V-S-C, please.

- IFVSC.com. - I-F-V-S-C?

The International Federation

of Voluntary Scrotal Compression.

All right.

This is an actual thing now.

This is gonna become an Olympic sport, boys.

I'm telling you.

'Kay. Danny go to,

I think it's section,

we're gonna use section four.

Scrotal compression for the purposes

of settling a non-monetary dispute.

Rule number one,

competitors are allowed three seconds

of pre-squeeze to establish proper grip and alignment.

- Okay.

This is for safety.

For safety purposes.

This is how people used to get hurt.

I'm good with that.

'Kay, number two,

it's scrotums only.

There's no penis grabbing or rectal manipulation, Randy.

I'm not gonna check his oil, Bubs.

Don't worry about that.

'Kay, number three.

No digging in with fingernails.

'Kay, it's the flashy part of the fingers only.

Show me your nails, Randy.

Are they regulation?

I just trimmed them up.

- Ricky, let me see your nails.

Yeah, no, mine are good.

Let me see them.

Ricky.

Rule number four, compression only.

There's no pulling, twisting,

or fucking stretching up the sack.

How the are you supposed to win?

Ricky's a bit of a dirty fighter.

So when it comes to doing the ball off thing,

he'll find any way to fucking bend the rules a bit.

You know, gouging with nails or squeezing

or fucking yanking and pulling.

You know, he's good at it.

Ricky. It's just squeezing.

That's the game.

That's lame.

'Kay, number five.

And this is a weird one.

Competitors must maintain eye contact

at all times.

- Bubs.

Just so we're clear here,

I'm not looking at him in the eyes

while I'm grabbing his bag.

That's fucked. - Part of the rules bud.

You gotta do it.

You said you wanted a ball off.

These are the rules.

Number six. 'Kay?

Number six. 'Kay?

There's no eye gouging, head butting, striking,

pulling hair, biting.

Ricky, these are most of your old moves.

They're off the table now.

All right. I can still win.

'Kay? It's compression only.

Number seven. 'Kay?

First competitor to receive two fouls,

shed tears or tap out, loses.

'Kay?

- All right. - All right.

- Are we clear?

Gentlemen step up.

Okay, listen Randy you can do it.

Rick, you got this, man. You've got this.

Randy's got the biggest balls in Sunnyville.

- Friggin' right. - No fucking problem.

- Okay, Julian, we're gonna flip a coin to see

who gets pre squeezed.

- Fucking spuds. - You're going down Randy.

You can do it, Randers.

- Heads or tails, Rick.

What's that?

Heads or tails.

- Did you flip it yet? - Yep.

Heads, go for it.

Hey.

- What?

- That wasn't a real coin toss.

You didn't see it.

Just get it going.

You can't cheat on a coin toss, Randy.

- You dumb ass. - It's impossible.

- Hey everyone. - He's looking at it.

You can cheat.

'Kay, Ricky won pre squeeze.

Richard.

Yep.

Lock on please.

You've got 3, 2-

- You've got 3, 2-

- You've got 3, 2-

- I can't get a,

No. Those pants are too tight underneath there.

I can't.

- These pants aren't too tight.

Fucking, they come right down there.

- Randy.

Look, they're not too tight.

I couldn't get up.

I couldn't curl my hand up here.

It wasn't fucking fair. I can't-

- It's an excuse.

How do you squeeze a fucking bag

if you can't even get up behind it?

- Too dangerous.

You either lose the pants or you lose by disqualification.

- What?

That's bullshit.

That's horse cocks.

- That's fucking horse cocks. - Isn't it Mr. Lahey?

You lose by disqualification then, Randy.

Ricky, you-

- No, no.

Maybe Ricky should take his pants off too then.

I don't need to take my pants off.

You can get a fucking grip on those.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

Well I'm not losing the,

I'll take the frigging pants off.

I don't freaking care.

These people don't care.

Pants are coming off, Mr. Lahey.

- What?

Here we go.

Randy Bobandy.

- Friggin' right pants.

Randy Bobandy.

Okay, Mr. Lahey.

Randy Bobandy.

Mr. Lahey.

- Ass as sweet as candy.

Fold them up for me, Mr. Lahey.

Did he say your ass is sweet as candy?

Aye' did. A nice set of butt cheeks.

- Okay. - - Oh my Jesus, okay.

Okay. Ricky. Randy, tuck your fucking nuts in.

- Frick. - Would you?

There's a camera.

Where?

Could you?

Okay, Ricky, listen.

Could you put a towel over them or something or?

I didn't think he'd take the fucking pants off.

You wanted them off.

Everyone wants them off.

- Handsome Randy. - So listen.

Listen. Remember now there's only one little piece of fabric

between you and every fucking bit of mess that's down there.

This is so fucked.

I'm sorry. I didn't think he'd take them off.

- It's alright.

- We're into it now. - We're in, Randy.

Ricky, lock on.

You've got three seconds.

Dig deep, buddy. You got it.

- 1, 2... - 3, 2, 1.

- 1, 2... - 3, 2, 1.

Randy, get a grip. Lock on.

Watch the fingers, Randy.

Eye contact.

Here we go.

Randy.

On the count of three, you go to full compression.

Here we go.

3, 2, 1.

3, 2, 1.

3, 2, 1.

Compressed.

Randy, watch the fingers.

Watch the fingers.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

He just grabbed my shaft.

- Randy. - What?

- I saw the finger go up the side of the shaft.

Yellow card, Randy.

- You grabbed my fucking shaft.

Do you remember that?

Do you remember fucking clamping right onto my shaft?

I didn't clamp on anything.

That's one of the fucking rules.

You clamped on his shaft.

You broke the rule.

- He needs to get a yellow card.

He friggin' took his fingernails and went right

into my scrotum.

I didn't see that.

No, I did not. That's bullshit.

- Look at it. Look. - You can tell. Look.

I didn't see that Randy.

Look right there.

- Jesus. - Chipper. Frig off.

- Look at that.

Just wait here.

Turn around

into the light.

I can't see it.

- Look.

- Ricky.

Frig off, Chipper.

That was there.

Those-- That was there.

- Ricky. He's got three crescents on his sack.

Yellow card.

You each got a yellow card.

He does have three crescents on there, Ricky.

And I told you.

'Kay, Randy. Step back up to the plate, Ricky.

Whoa. We gotta keep going?

- You're gonna re-lock.

We're fucking settling

- this once and for all. - Unless, you wanna stop?

- 'Kay. Come on, Ricky. - You give up?

Let's go Randy.

Stay the fuck away from my cock.

Latch on.

Eye contact.

Go get him, Randy.

In 3, 2, 1.

In 3, 2, 1.

In 3, 2, 1.

Compress.

Get mad, Ricky. Get mad.

Come on, Randy.

Randy, Randy, Randy, Randy, Randy.

Nice.

- Randy tapped out. - - Nice.

- Ricky. Ricky.

Ricky, I gotta give you the official.

I gotta give you the official hands up.

- Ricky wins. - Nice work buddy.

You drove your fingernails in even deeper.

There's no fucking fingernails going anywhere

near your bag right there.

I can show you right now.

- That's it. I'll show you. - - That's bullshit.

- Pants are coming off.

You fucking keep showing me.

You fucking taking your pants off?

Randy, keep your pants on.

You keep those fucking pants on.

- Randy.

- Okay. - Boys. Boys.

- Ricky. - No, let 'em go.

- Ricky. - Let 'em go.

- Ricky. - Get off.

Get up.

Fuck off.

Hey, what's going on everybody?

Bub's here.

Day one of the fucking tour.

We just ended up in Oakland here,

so I thought I'd do a tour diary

for you guys.

I'll show you round here.

I just got on the fucking bus.

This is our big fancy bus.

Look at this thing.

We got stereo and, you know,

We got stereo and, you know,

table, TV.

Table, TV.

Not sure who that is.

All this shit.

Look at this fucking bus. Beautiful bus.

Look, there's where you do all your peeing.

There's a shower in there.

That. We got some fridges.

Then you go in here.

This is where all the bunks are.

You know, for the people and us and the crew and everybody.

This is a big fucking deal.

And then back here,

you got like a back lounge thing in here.

Bubs, you know to turn the fucking volume back on?

You start fucking with the remote.

I'm watching "Walk the Line."

I can't hear God damn a thing.

Well Julian, I don't know how to work it here.

Turn some lights on.

What's he doing?

He's fucked.

- Ricky.

Ricky.

We gotta go on the fucking stage in like an hour.

You know that right?

Yeah, I'm good.

- What were you drinking? You're fucked.

- I got two joints left.

I hope some people hook us up tonight

'cause we're running low boys.

We got two joints.

That's all I have left from what we smuggled in.

Fuck sakes.

You can't watch a Johnny Cash fucking movie

without fucking volume.

Do you wanna smoke a joint, Bubs?

It's not that powerful.

Ricky.

- How do they make bricks different colors?

- What?

There's all these different colored bricks.

How do they do it? It's amazing.

Where?

Those bricks right there are painted.

- Ricky, you're fucked.

You're fucked.

Stop eating all that chocolate shit, man.

Hey, do you want a chocolate, Bubs?

- No. Is that a weed chocolate?

- I don't know, but it's fucking delicious.

- How many of these did you eat?

Four of six of them. Rick.

Ricky. Those are fucking high potency weed chocolates.

One will get you up for four hours.

One will get normal people up for four hours.

Well, there you go. Day fucking one.

There's no show tonight though, is there?

There's a show in an hour.

We haven't even fucking-

- Do I have to be in it?

Day one.

This is what I deal with on a fucking regular basis.

Day one. He's too fucked to even go on stage.

Thanks a lot Ricky.

That's awesome.

Get this volume working, Bubs.

- I'm not fucking-- You get the volume working.

Have a chocolate.

Fuck, unbelievable.

- Julian. - What?

- Get the fuck over here. - Your bed.

This is your bed by the way.

- My bed? - Yeah, that's your bed.

Well, you said you were moving in.

I'm not, you're not both fucking moving in.

- How am I supposed to like, it's being rented.

My place is being rented.

Sleep in my car.

Bubs is gonna have to sleep in your car.

I'm not. I'm sleeping in my shed.

Not for the next two, three months.

Maybe four.

- Okay. Just whoa now. - What?

You did not rent my shed.

It's part of the package, Bubs.

- No, it is not - If I can move in here,

- part of the fucking package. - You can move in here.

- No. - There you go.

Yes it is.

No, I hate to tell you.

No. Well you can pay the entire-

- You happy now? - Do you have $550?

You fucking survive this one, didn't you?

You're fucking lucky is your little fucking one leg.

- Fuck. - Julian, I swear, fuck.

If you rented shed my out,

I'm gonna boot your nuts right up inside your body cavity.

Temporarily rented.

- Did I make lace? - How much am I getting paid?

How much you getting paid?

What do you get a sublease on that thing?

Do you actually even have a lease?

- How much am I getting paid for my shed?

- You're gonna move in here and have free rent.

So what works out better?

- How much are you getting paid?

- For them? - Yeah.

Well, that doesn't matter

because that's all gonna go

into the pool of money, the collective pool.

And then we're gonna figure out a way

of making some more money.

How about your lips go on to the fucking pool of my nuts?

Well I'm just saying

- they're moving in. - How about that?

And they've got a couple dogs. Okay?

- Dogs?

They're gonna put it a little space.

There's no fucking dogs moving into my shed, bud.

Yeah, there is.

Yeah. We'll see.

So you gotta get your shit outta there

because they're moving in in two days.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

They show up with dogs,

and I'll shoot the cocksucker with a pallet gun.

What kind of dogs?

In the arse.

Oh, they're just those little, those French poodles

- or whatever they call those. - No,

- I don't like French poodles. - Those big sized ones?

- The bigger ones? - Yeah.

- I don't mind. I don't like the little fuckers.

I don't like little dogs.

- No, it's the big ones.

- No, big dogs are okay.

They're kind of cute.

Anyway, we got some big plans coming up, Bubs.

And we're gonna turn in this place

into a money generating, fucking successful business.

Well I don't know.

And it's only gonna take us four months.

I am not moving out of my shed.

So your nuts sweat a lot?

Mine too. Should use a piece of sponge to put on the bottom.

I never said my nuts sweat a lot.

What are you talking about?

- I thought you said his mouth could take a pool

- or something about your nuts. - - What?

I thought it was nut sweat.

No, I just mean...

What are you talking about nut sweat for?

I don't know. I wasn't.

I said you could-

- I should start selling those now that I think about it.

'Cause I bet a lot of people's nuts sweat as bad as mine.

Just take a little sponge,

and you just cut a little wafer sponge

and put it right underneath your nuts sack

in your underwear and boom.

And then what do you do with it?

Just bring it out.

But then you go around, fucking, with like a,

- what do you? - A soppy, wet nut sponge?

- It's better than- - Who would want that?

Soppy wet underwear.

But it's sweat.

It's probably gonna be worse, man.

All right?

- No one's gonna bother.

Why don't you just make sponge underwear, Ricky?

- Boom.

Million dollar idea.

Until you sit down.

And you leave a big, fucking wet spot

'cause your sweaty arse sponge is all over everything.

- Ah fuck, fuck. Back off. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Jesus Christ. Fuck, fuck.

Fuck off.