All language subtitles for Trailer.Park.Boys.The.SwearNet.Show.S06E06.Episode.6.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-WhatsBeyond_track3_[eng]

Warning, the following program

contains really coarse language,

weed, alcohol
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and sexual infer-fer-lences.

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Don't. You're not fuckin'
filming this, right?

'Cause we're not doing this yet.

We just gotta finish this,

and then we'll shoot
the fuckin' thing, okay?

Okay, yeah.

Holy fuck, Rick,

I'm putting out these
fuckin' joints, man.

It's too, I can't-Oh yeah!

I can't see what I'm doing.

All right, we just
fuckin' got in here, now.

What the fuck is this thing?

"Enter password."

Just start punchin' buttons in.

- Hold on a sec.
- You moved it.

Oh yeah, this is good.

- Yeah!

Fuck yeah. All right.

That's still,
that's still fuckin'.

We gotta get through that.

- Fuck.

All right, I gotta,

I'm gonna fuckin' drill a hole,

this thing through here.

I'm almost through.

Then we gotta put a,
I don't know what the,

like a hook kind of
thing up in there.

We're gonna need, fuck.

Son of a fuckin'.

- Motherfucker!

You know what?

We gotta get down through here-

- Boom.

- or through the fuckin' front.

All right, well,
I got a hole here.

This is where...

Hello! Hold on a second.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Who is it?

- What?

The door's locked.

- Bubs, uh, just a, I
gotta get dressed, man.

Just one second.

What the fuck,
"connection failure."

- Just a sec, Bubs, I'm pissin'.

- Put it in the fridge.

You're pissin'
in the living room, are ya?

Ah, almost dressed, buddy.

What the fuck are we gonna say?

- Fuck, he's got a key?

Bubs, hold on a second.

- Bubs.

- What's goin on, Ricky?

Jesus Christ.

I got a key.

All right, just,

all right, I'm dressed.

Why wouldn't
you open the fuckin' door?

I was just gettin' ready.

All ready to go here.

Just, uh, gonna
have a game of cards.

Nothin' in the fridge.

Why are you guys
both being so weird?

'Cause I'm fuckin' baked, Bubs.

See my new car?

I built that, remember
that, I built that in jail?

Just found it.

That's a fuckin'
good job right there.

- 10 bucks to, ah, get in here.

Let's go, 10 bucks.

What's that?

Just a, uh,

just somethin' I ordered.

It's a, don't ruin the surprise.

What is it?

It's a surprise.

It's somethin' I
got for you for Christmas.

- It's a Christmas tree.
- Bubs.

Boys?

Look what you did, Bubs.

- A ATM!

Well, do you ever,

did you bring your bank
card, need any cash?

Oh my god. Where
did you get it?

Ah, just, I ordered
it on, ah, eBay.

Ricky, you didn't order it.

You stole it.

- Nope.

- Okay, so I'm probably
involved in this somehow, am I?

Okay, you know what?

Now that you're involved,

we've got this front piece open.

Okay, I'll show
you what's happenin'.

We need to
get through this fuckin'.

We got this open

down here.

So this is, we need to get
into this part right down here.

Yeah, where the dye pack is.

It's fuckin' secure,
I'll tell you that.

It's a lot harder
than the last one.

The old one, the handles
used to be over here.

You can just get in there

and fuckin' yank
the cocksucker open.

Now they move the fuckin'
handle in the middle.

You know what, I,

where did I touch it?

I don't want anything.

- No, you don't wanna get covid.

Bud, don't worry about that.

Just use some hand sanitizer

and you'll be all right.

I am not,

I'm not worried about covid
Ricky, for fuck sakes.

All right, and-

- Here, hold your hands
out. No more covid.

Bubs, we did plug
it in. It fires up.

So is there a way
you can get in?

So there's a dye pack in it.

You're lucky you're not covered

in blue fuckin' paint right now.

We were gonna have you-

- Just put your bank card in,

we'll just take out some money,
little bit by little bit,

- See, it's on.

Do you know what
this code means?

- It wouldn't be hooked
up to the network.

Do you know how to, did you
plug it into a network cable?

There must be a service
thing in case it fuckin'-

- You would have to
plug in a network cable

And know the fuckin' IP and
the password and everything.

Well, so you can't do it.

It's basically a
computer with its own-

- And who knows
about computers, huh?

Oh fuck, it's bright. It's
bright in here, eh guys?

So, and you're already,
you're on the camera.

Nobody's gonna fuckin' see this.

No, he didn't
have the camera on.

We're gonna turn on now
when we start the, uh,

start the thing.

All good to go.

Now, just a second.

Where did you get it, Ricky?

Just a second.

You know those online
auction things they have?

They were like, "Hey, got, ah,

anybody wanna ATM to put
in their livin' room?"

And I was like, "Fuck,
that'd be kind of cool."

Fuckin' thing.

Careful with that thing.

Hit ya right in the head.

And yeah, I got
the highest bid on it.

Next thing I knew-Ricky.

They dropped it off

and I got a cash machine
in my livin' room.

So if you ever need some cash.

You think I'm gonna believe

that you went on
an online auction

and bought a fuckin' ATM
for your livin' room.

I don't know if I own it.

I think I might just be
renting it, but it's here.

Okay, so let's just pretend

like there isn't a fuckin'
20-years-in-jail fuckin' thing

sittin' in the middle
of a living room here.

All right, one question.

If I wanted to find
out how to get in,

what is this thing called,

if I want to be able
to hack into it?

- Hack into what?
- I'm not telling ya.

A safe?

Not telling ya.

It's not a safe.

We shoulda just
used the fuckin' backhoe

to smash it open.

I mean,

no, the a, okay.

When you went to pick it
up from the auction, Ricky?

They had a backhoe there,
and we should have said,

"Hey bud, you know I do want
an ATM in my living room

for cash reasons."

- But smash it.

- "Just smash it open so we
see what it looks like inside."

That would've been
the smart thing to do.

All right. Okay.

We've got a bunch of
questions here today.

People, uh, thank you.

I know it looks like some
people spent some time

with these questions.

I briefly went over them,

and I think you're
gonna be in good hands.

All right, this one's
from Desertroid.

"Dear Julian,

two years ago I lost
my high-payin' job

due to the fuckin' crisis.

Since then, I'm on welfare.

No jobs have been coming up

because the whole
America is fucked.

I'm not losing any money.

Got a lot of time on my hands.

I finally can drink, smoke and
get weird like I ever wanted.

However, my fuckin'
older sister,

who's square as shit is brown,

is constantly playing
the guilt card on me.

How can I make her shut up

and, you know, think that
I'm not doing anythin' wrong

by rippin' off the government."

All right, number one, I
mean, rip the government off.

They're the biggest
fuckin' gangsters,

as far as I'm concerned,
on planet Earth, okay.

Rip them off.
Collect your money.

You've been working
hard, you know.

Eventually, you gotta get a job

because, you know, you
can't be on pogey, fuckin',

your entire life, dude.

So get drunk, get high.

Think of what you wanna do,
where you're gonna go next.

Tell your sister to
chill the fuck out.

"I'm just relaxin' for a bit.

I'm gonna eventually
get into something.

I gotta figure out what
I want to get into.

Relax."

So, you know, keep, rip
the government off, man.

You're doin' good.

Next one's from Zi En.

"Dear Julian, I'm
currently kicked out

of all the high
schools in my city

for the use of marijuana
and sellin' it.

I'm currently debating
on whether or not

to start growing dope in my shed

and start to sell my own crops.

What is your opinion?"

All right, number one,

I think of that and the first
thing I say to myself is,

"Would I get into
business with this guy?"

My answer, definitely
fuckin' not.

Dude, you're on the
fuckin' black list.

You've been kicked out of
every fuckin' high school

in your city for
smoking, growin' dope.

I mean, the flags are up, dude.

You start fuckin' growin'
dope in your shed,

you're gonna get caught.

This is what you gotta do.

You gotta find
someone that's else,

you know, somebody that,
someone like Ricky, okay?

Like, you sound a bit like Ricky

because he's been kicked
outta schools all the time,

you know, for growin'
and sellin' dope.

But the thing is, Ricky had
someone like me beside him

to figure out the
whole business end

and figure out ways of not
gettin' fuckin' caught.

You gotta find someone like me
to get in business with you.

Start it up, you know.

Listen to this guy.

Don't be a fuckin' dick.

Don't do stupid things.

Don't take too many risks.

Grow your dope.

Don't tell anybody about it.

And maybe you'll, maybe
you'll make some money.

Who knows?

I guarantee you're
gonna go to jail.

I'd say you got an
80% goin' to jail

'cause you do sound
like not only Ricky,

but Jacob and Corey.

They're not that bright.

We're not gonna die

Then you better start
walkin' and go find Terry.

- Fuck!

Don't come back without the key.

Thanks a lot, lads.

Way to be missing.

My phone was only
on like 2% anyway.

And then I met these,
like, ranch guys,

and they were, like,
gave me a place to stay.

I was thirsty.

They took care of me.

A few people on your bike.

- Oh yeah, I can have
a few people on my bike

Hey Trish, how's it goin'?

Who the fuck's
Subaru is this, Terry?

It's actually my new
girlfriend, Brenda's.

She's a beautiful lady.
I met her jaywalkin'.

I'm Constable Brenda Robitaille

with Calgary Police Services.

Funny story.

So he's jaywalkin'.

I'm like, "Hey, you're
gonna stay 'n' pay

or d'ya need me to take
you down to the office?"

We exchanged numbers.
We've been texting.

She's like, "Terry, I need
someone to watch my kids.

I gotta work."

Uh, what's her name, Rose?

Rose and Xavier.

Xavier, yeah.

I'm just gettin' to know 'em.

Do you wanna see some history?

Let's go see the
coal mines and stuff.

So I didn't come
here to see you.

Oh yeah, how
convenient. No, of course.

I didn't come here talk to

They just love him.

They're so bonded
with him, you know.

Whenever he's
over, they're like,

"Mom, mom, what time
is Terry gettin' up?"

I'll be like, "When
I'm done with him."

- I've been hangin' out
with these rancher guys-

- Oh, really?

And they have a bunch
of horses and stuff.

It's a sweet place.

Oh, no way.

- Yeah.

We're just gettin'
to go party, yeah.

These guys love, you guys want?

Yeah, man, we can
come check it out.

Don't invite them
to come with us!

Don't worry, Trish.

I ain't gonna try to, like,
wheel you again or anything.

- The competition was
we were gonna get pulled

behind horses with skis on,

and, like, he didn't
have any money.

So, a good bet's,
like, always could be,

like, a haircut your hair.

Okay, so the loser,
the winner gets to cut

the loser's locks, eh?

- Yeah.

Give her!

Fuck!

All right, let's
get this over with here.

You know what losers'll lose.

I took care of these kids
because Terry and Lance

were partying and
fricking passed out.

Well, yeah, we have to.

It's like, it's just
we were givin' her.

It feels better already
back there, Bud.

We slept in the car.

- I'm sorry about that.

Oh, well, they slept, yeah.

So, well don't
tell your mom that.

If you can lend
me a honey bucket,

I can get these kids
home a lot quicker

'cause we don't have
to stop so much.

Like, it's just
non-stop stoppin'.

Yeah, well just give 'em,

quit givin' 'em
things to drink too.

That'll make 'em pee less.

Yeah, good call.

I know guys like that that
bust their asses all the time.

He's got my kids right now,
and I know he's probably,

like, you know,
really responsible.

Takin' them to, like,
learn stuff, museums.

You guys gonna get right loaded?

- Always, buddy.

Look at daddy!

These are not your children!

Daddy, daddy!

Oh yeah, that's
startin' to look nice.

You could hear it sizzle.

I dunno if you guys
could hear that,

but it's fuckin' cool.

I like the sound of sizzle.

All right, that's startin'
to look pretty good.

Now this side, I'm gonna
try it without the tinfoil

'cause it's taking forever.

Just put her right on there.

Yeah, that's actually
workin' pretty good.

So maybe you don't need
the fuckin' tinfoil

with this type of iron.

I don't know who makes
this fuckin' thing.

Now I got no joints, no drink,

so I'm just gonna
sit here and fuckin'

twiddle my cock, I guess.

Oh, there we go.

All right.

Grilled cheese number
two without an oven

with a fuckin' iron.

Take your little fuckin' thing.

Snap that up just like that.

Look at that.

Fuckin' delicious.

Now that's all fine and good,

but number three, this
is the important one.

If you don't have
a fuckin' iron.

Suppose some
fuckhead comes along,

sees your iron in
your hotel room.

He's drunk, he's
like, "Ah, fuck off."

That's broken.

Maybe the power goes out.

Who fuckin' knows?

There's still ways to do this.

Like I said,

number one tool to always
have is a fuckin' blow torch.

This one you should
definitely use fuckin' tinfoil

'cause you can burn a
fuckin' grilled cheese

pretty quick with a blow torch

Just throw all that away.

Two more pieces of bread.

I hate these fuckin' wrappers.

We're gonna go triple
cheese on this one.

Fuck it. We're gettin'
to be little crazy.

It's the third sandwich,

three pieces of fuckin' cheese.

Same thing, you butter
the fuckin' thing
before you cook it.

Try not to get plastic
in there like that.

It's a big fuck up.

It melts, tastes like shit.

Come on, butter,
don't fuck with me.

There's gotta be a
better way to do this.

I'll figure that out
it one of these days.

Take the tinfoil,

slap that fuckin' thing
on there like that.

Time to cook.

You'll see a bit of flames.
Don't worry about that shit.

Just burnin' off butter.

You'll smell some shit
and you might smell that

and taste it on your sandwich,
but it's not that bad.

It's not bad for you.
It's just tinfoil.

See how everything's, oh.

Shit, fuck.

That's a bit of a fuck up there.

Just keep that like that.

Oh, yeah, she's startin'
to cook up nice here.

Fuck off.

Ah, fuck.

You gotta be careful
with these things too.

Should probably be usin'
my oven mitts for this.

All right, the fuckin' tinfoil

is not working as good
as I had hoped for this.

There's little bits
of it stuck in there.

Just have to do it
this way, I guess.

You wanna hold the
torch pretty far away

or you're gonna really
fuck everything up.

Come on, baby.

All right, that side's
lookin' pretty fuckin' good.

Takes a bit of time, but
it's fuckin' worth it,

especially when you're extra
drunk, extra high, power's out.

Blow torch, bread, cheese.

Here's a little secret
I learned as well.

You wanna really get the
cheese a little melty

after you got shit toasted?

Just melt that shit up
a little on its own.

Ah yeah, that's coming
together fuckin' nice now.

Right 'til she starts
bubblin' a bit there.

Look at that. Fuckin' delicious.

Fuck sakes.

So you gotta be
careful with that.

When you got butter
in your hands

things can become
very fuckin' slippery,

and you never know
where that might end up.

All right, you can do however
fuckin' long you want,

but I think that's
probably good for me.

Take out your knife.

Cut that little fucker in half.

Fuckin' delicious.

This has turned out to be one

of the most fucked
up days of my life.

Guess what I just found out.

You remember Cyrus,
that idiot that tried

to take over the
trailer park that time?

Well, apparently he
was in night school

'cause he didn't get his
fuckin' Grade 10 either,

and the teachers
couldn't handle him,

so he's writin' his fuckin'
final exam with us today.

And all these kids
coming up to me saying,

"Hey, did you see
who was with Cyrus?"

Guess who was with him? Lucy.

And she's doing that to
try to make me jealous.

She's bangin' Cyrus,

which is bullshit.

Like, do people want
me to fail Grade 10?

I got all this dope stuff

and Lucy and Cyrus
on my mind today

and you fuckin' idiots
followin' me around.

I can't handle this, guys.

But you make my words.

I'm gonna get my Grade 10,

and everybody else
can just catch a boat

to fuckoffity land.

So shut off your little camera,

and I gotta go write
my fuckin' exam.

Wish I had time for
a smoke, but I don't.

Fuck, shut it off, guys.

You're fuckin' pissin' me off.

The red light's still
on in the front.

Pencils down.

Who's smoking?

Ricky.

Richard, you're letting me down.

- Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm addicted.

He's cheatin'.

And look at the back
of his arms and neck.

They're friggin' a cheat couple.

Congratulations. You
both failed Grade 10.

Get out of my classroom.

You gotta be kidding.

- Please, Miss Connolly,
it's not my fault.

He made me do it.

I'm gonna have to talk

to your mother
about this, Jacob.

I'm really disappointed.

Get outta my class.

- Please don't call her.

Get outta my class

- Please don't call her.

Hey Cyrus, knock, knock.

Who's there?

Someone who just
failed Grade 10.

I'll see you later.

Well, you can't see me now

'cause you're kicked
outta Grade 10.

Fuck off, I got work to do.

Have fun gettin' a job since
you're kicked outta Grade 10,

ya fuckin' dummy.

Richard, you're on thin ice.

Eyes back down to your paper.

- Sorry, Miss Connolly.

Oh, now my fingerprints
are all over the tools.

Nobody's gonna fuckin',
what are you talkin' about?

Well, the way I look at it,

you're in on it now.

- The sooner we get
the fuckin' thing open,

the sooner the thing goes
into the fuckin' harbor.

Did you ever think
of drillin' it?

I have the drill.

I've got a fuckin'
hole in the back.

Obviously, you don't know
how to fuckin' drill out,

fuckin' bore out-

- You know what's
inside that thing?

One hell of a party.

He's right.

Lotsa parties.

I'm not showing you.

I'm, we're gonna take it,

we're gonna dump
it behind the mall.

After we open it.

I'm totally cool with that.

We'll buy those mask-lak suits.

Put those on. Wrap our
faces with protection.

Then we'll open the
dye pack and say,

"Come on, hit me,
mother fucker. Hit me."

He's gonna do it.

Well, where, Ricky?

Where are you gonna open it?

'Cause your whole trailer
will be covered in blue ink,

blue dye.

I think it'll look,
it would look nice.

It's a bit of a catch 23

because if we take it
outside, people might see it.

Let's just do it in here.

We might have to make a
Dexter kill room in here

and then have at it.

- There you go.

And we could use, if we
need to kill anybody,

then it's two for one.

Exactly.

- Unbelievable.

What do you think, Bubs?

I think you guys are fucked,

and I'm having
trouble forgettin'

that that's sittin' behind me.

Nothing's, what, you're
afraid of this thing?

Come on.

- Yes, I'm afraid of the thing,

afraid of going to jail.

What do you got on
your paper, Ricky?

Yeah, come on.

Come on,
let's see ya smile, Bubs.

Come on.

Come on. Here.

Hit it. Just hit it.

Give it a good hit.

I feel fuckin' great, man.

Me too.

I'm in a great mood,
and you're fuckin' it up.

This is this
crazy party just on the horizon.

So if I help you do this,
what do I get, one third?

This, number one.

One third?

- "Starfish don't have brains."

I'm gonna write
something nice to you,

a little, you know,
a little bit later.

"Starfish don't
have brains," it says.

Neither do some people.

- You got a, I got a new
nickname for you, Ricky.

- What?

Starfish

Isn't that a nickname
for your anus or something?

That's the chocolate starfish.

Chocolate starfish, man.

Ah, so this is great, Bubs.

- What does this gotta go under,

forest, field,
jungle, sky or sea?

Do you know where
Starfish live, Ricky?

- His name's Starfish, remember?

There's a big hint in the name.

Based on the suction
cups around it,

I would say it's a tree climber.

What's his name, Ricky?

What, say his name,
two syllables.

What is it?

Suction?

No, his name. What is it?

It's a...

A starfish.

Does that give you any kind
of a hint where he's from?

I get the star part 'cause
it looks like a star, kind of.

If you hold it way back
there, look at that.

- Yeah, it definitely
looks like a star, man.

Yep.

- And what about the other part?

Fish doesn't make
a lot of sense,

'cause it's
definitely not a fish.

Does that look like a fish?

No, it doesn't.

It looks like a starfish,

a type of fish.

It's not actually
a fish, technically

So then it goes in the sea.

Oh, boys.

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck off, come on,

fuck, fuck, ooh, fuck,
oh fuck, fuck off,

fuck, ah fuck, Jesus Christ!

Fuck off.