All language subtitles for Trailer.Park.Boys.The.SwearNet.Show.S06E05.Episode.5.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-WhatsBeyond_track3_[eng]

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contains really
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alcohol consumption, smoking
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- What's your plan with
this fucking thing?

Yeah.

- I'm just gonna shine
it up and make it nice.

- Bubs, you're getting flakes of

fucking rusted shit
into my fucking drink.

Well cover your fucking
drink, 'cause I'm-

- So you're gonna shine
it up, and then what?

It's just a nice old
thing to own, Ricky.

I'm gonna maybe paint it,

maybe I'll paint
it fire engine red.

Guarantee that's
been up Seymour's ass.

If you paint it-

- No it hasn't.

If you paint it, then
the paint will all chip off

when you anvil stuff.

No, if I paint it, I
won't use it as an anvil,

I'll just have it
as a art piece.

But I mean I could
use it as real anvil.

I'd like to make a sword.

Or ass diddler.

You're not making any of
those things outta my anvil.

I got this. Ricky, there's
a whole bunch more tools

down in Seymour's old shed,
that I've got dibs on,

Randy said I could
have first dibs.

So next week I might
have a bunch of-

- Do you any something
for pounding?

Pounding. What?

I wanna do some pounding.

- What type of pounding?

Like metal pounding.

Like bang, bang, pounding.

- That's what this thing's for.

That's what this is for, Ricky.

- Yeah. I want to build,

if you fold steel until
like a hundred times,

you can make a nice
sword, I think it is.

- 400 Times?
- Ricky, you've been watching

Forged and Fire again.

Those ninja swords.

He watches Forged and Fire,

and he thinks he
can make a sword.

Like some of those things

are like 400 layers
or something, yeah?

Yes, but you don't just fucking-

- There's no way
you could do that.

Ricky. It's-

- What's the fire?

What do you mean?

It makes the heat.

It's fire Ricky.

No, but it's hotter,
hotter than a normal hot.

I don't know

Lots of coals man-

- I've never watched it.

- Red hot burning coals.

I think I did inhale some rust.

- Well, you should have
a fucking mask on, man.

Yeah.

And you're getting, Bubs,

I can feel 'em
fucking hitting me.

Yeah.

Oh man, remember that idea

we had last night banged up,

the escort service?

No.

No.

It was a good one.

I forget what it was called
but it was fucking funny.

- Hold that thought. Should we-

- Oh, Skip the Misses.

Skip the Misses.

- Yeah. Escort service.

- Ricky.

That's a good
idea. That's a good,

that's a catchy fucking...

- Whose idea was that?
- Was I even there?

I don't remember that.

Skip the Misses.

I don't remember.

- Maybe you just came
up with it on your own.

- Yeah, deliver.

Skip the Misses,
so you skip your.

Wife or your girlfriend?

Your wife goes
to work. Call us.

Skip the Misses.

- I betcha its never
been called that before.

- Skip the Misses
escort service and they-

- We're not in the phone book.

Maybe we should be.

So that's Duber and
Skip the Misses, now,

- we're gonna be come up with.
- We're going to be

set for life.

- Oh here, look.

- Did you hear about the crazy-

- Bubs, get the
fuck away from me.

I gotta wipe my hands off.

- Hear about the crazy
cocksucker and the
jet pack over LAX?

No.

Flying around 3000
feet in a jet pack, yeah.

I thought of you, 'cause
it sounds like you,

- you'd love to have a jet pack.
- 3000 feet?

That's pretty fucking high.

Yeah, that's high on a jet pack.

So you get a couple

pilots talking,
Did you see the cocksucker?

Some guy passed us
in a jet pack, Tower.

Yeah. I mean he
shouldn't be flying around.

Definitely not
flying around LAX,

he could get sucked
into the engine,

or something, it's so easy.

Here's a question,
how much would someone

that fucking uses those
jet packs and things,

how much would they make a year?

What do you mean?

How much would they,
they gotta be making money

doing it, right?

- I don't know.

Get aid to fly a jet pack?

- Yeah.

- I don't think you'd get paid.

I think it's a hobby.

- You gotta man.

I mean did you see the
cocksucker over in Dubai,

flying next to the A380?

- That's that's what I'm saying,

he's gotta be making some money.

- He makes money
probably, 'cause he's
got a sponsor on his,

have you seen it Ricky?

- Oh yeah.
- I dunno,

is he in like a squirrel
suit, kind of like that?

- He's got a suit on
with a wing on the back,

with a couple of jet packs

and he's flying alongside

a fucking Airbus 380.

That'd be fucking cool.

- So he is up that high?

Well it's pretty high, yes,

it's not like full altitude
'cause they're flying

over the top.
- That'd freak you out?

If you were to do
something like that?

Here, put the video up,

put the fucking video up.

There.

Okay. Would you
do something like that?

Yes!

Right now.

And you wouldn't freak out?

No, I'd be right there,

I'd go right up and
knock on the windows.

How can he land?

Does he have wheels
on his knees?

I don't know, I
think he flies into a big net.

That's a good idea.

That's how they
retrieve the drones over.

I think that
would freak you out man.

If you're looking over and

you've got a big fucking jet

like that next to ya.

- No, I-
- So, okay,

what about this?

If there's a super tanker

in the fucking harbor
and you decide to go up

and swim and swim
around the thing,

would that freak you out?

- Yes.
- I wouldn't do that

'cause I could get sucked in.

Well, it's
kinda like the same thing.

No it wouldn't.

No, 'cause you're
in complete control.

I mean you don't
want get ahead of it.

You get ahead of
it, you're done.

You're getting sucked
in that big fucking

big fucking Pratt and Whitney

going out the back
like spaghetti noodles.

Yeah, that would suck man,

you're done, like,
you're fucking-

- Oh, if you get sucked
into the engine of an A380,

you're not gonna make it,

I hate to tell you-
Does that happen a lot?

No, Ricky.

Oh it can ingest a bird.

But I mean if you

go go into one So can your mama.

With your whole
fucking jet pack on,

with your wing and your helmet

and you go into those
fucking turbine blades.

Compress or fail.

Everything goes out the
back, including you,

shredded into about
6 million pieces.

They should have protection
on those industries.

- Yeah, like a cone.
- Like a cone thing.

You know what I'm saying?

It would interrupt the airflow.

You think they didn't
think of this already?

Do you know how much air

that engine needs
to fucking suck in

to create enough
compression for jet power?

I bet you your grandmother

would have that answer for us

if she was still alive.

- What's that supposed to mean?

Because she, I heard a lot
of stories about her man.

What her sucksome power?

- Sucking Sally.

- My grandmother's name
wasn't sucking Sally.

It was.

- Okay, here we are,
Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

We have a huge fucking
event happening today.

We have a footrace happening,

here to there,
hundred meter dash,

and it is fucking high
tension here today.

There's a lot of money
being passed around.

These are the three,
three fellas here.

What's your name, Son?

Dan The Fairy Jennings.

Dan The Fairy Jennings,

named himself that,
believe it or not.

We got Ryan. Ryan, the
Cannon Gannon, here.

Yep, yep.

And the defending
champion, right here.

Byron The Bisexual Runner.

Last year, you might remember,

he fucking devastated
Dale, just crushed him.

Okay. Are you guys ready?

- Oh, we're ready?
- Yeah, let's go.

- You guys ready?
- Let's go.

Are we ready down there?

Okay.

Okay, here way go boys.

Okay, are you ready?

On her mark, here we go.

- On your mark, get set,

go!

Come on Jennings!

Go on Jennings!

Nailed
it! Effortlessly!

Damn it.

- Byron!

Nailed it!

Holy fuck that was unbelievable.

Byron the Bisexual Runner,
second year in row,

how are you feeling?

Pretty good. I think I,

I'm gonna pick up a
girl and guy tonight.

Take them back to the old hotel.

A girl and a guy, hear
that, he's to bisexual winner.

Where's the two losers at?

Get one of them over here.

Get one of them over here.

So you got just fucking
completely demolished.

How are you guys feeling?

He got demolished.

I almost got him destroyed.

- Did you?
- Yeah.

You almost had
him, was that true?

- Eh, I don't think so.

Check the play by play,
I honestly think it does.

Kicked your ass anyways.

- Oh, definitely, yeah.

But I mean, do you
feel like losers,

'cause that's what you are.

Felt like a loser before
I came into this race.

All right, well that's good.

- I've always been a loser.
- That's good. Okay.

From from Swearnet
Sports, signing off,

Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

That was fucking unbelievable
race, right there.

Usain Bolt probably,
probably would shit himself

if he saw that.

Which one of these
fucking cameras

am I supposed to
look at for this?

Over here by this one mainly.

All right.

Hi there, Welcome to
Getting Learnt with Ricky,

I'm Ricky. Got my own fucking
show here at Swearnet,

they gave me this show,

gave me own fucking
set here in the studio.

Had to bring up my
own fucking tools,

but, still kind of cool.

At first, I didn't wanna
do this stupid show,

but then I'm like,
you know what?

I could get people
fucking learnt,

so here we go.

Got my gasoline, which you
need for a lot of shit.

Fridge with not much in
it, but some cool stuff.

There's something I
forgot about, bonus.

And you know when you're
setting up your shop,

this is the first
thing y'all learn ya.

It's always good to
fucking put your tools up

and then you trace them,

so then when you're like
holding this thing going,

where the fuck does this go?

You look at your thing,
you're like, there it is.

And you always find it, you
always know where it fucking is.

So even shit like rocks.

You wanna use a rock for
a hammer, or whatever.

Put up a little thing
there for the rock,

you know where that goes.

Chips, always a
good thing to have

in your fucking tool shop.

And this is just my little
counter where I make shit,

do experimenting type shit.

Got one of these fucking, best
vacuums in the world here.

And I got one of these fucking
boards you can draw shit on,

it's like a big
fucking piece of paper,

but it's just bigger I guess,

and these markers work
really well on it,

if you want to draw
like a, you know,

whatever that might
be, then it's on there.

Got one of these fucking things.

It's always good to have
big fucking heavy tools,

they do a lot of a lot
of different things.

Sewing machine, which
I'll never fucking work.

It's a pretty good
fucking little setup.

On today's episode,

we're gonna get you learnt

on how to make a
fucking grilled cheese

when you don't have an oven.

For fucks sakes.

All right.

Everybody fucking
loves grilled cheese.

They're fucking delicious,
especially when you're know,

really drunk or
maybe really high,

you're fucking craving them,

but sometimes you don't
have a God damn oven.

So today we're gonna
cover three fucking ways

to make a grilled
cheese without an oven.

First, I'll start
with two ways of not

to fucking make grilled
cheese without an oven.

Heaters, they don't
work very fucking well,

if you had a piece of tinfoil
maybe to put over them,

but no tinfoil, you're
definitely fucked with a heater.

Let's get some fucking cheese
and some butter and shit.

Get some fucking bread here.

Fucking - look at
all that butter.

Butter is fucking
awesome on everything.

Now, let's suppose you
have a fucking toaster.

No oven, but you gotta
fucking toaster be like, ah,

I can't really make a fucking
grilled cheese in that,

'cause the cheese are
gonna melt everywhere

and fuck my toaster up

and it's gonna taste
like burnt cheese shit

for the rest of
its fucking life.

You take your little toaster,

instead of putting the
fucking bread in like this

with your cheese on it,
melting all the shit,

put a slice of cheese
on each piece of bread,

if you can get the
fucking cheese open.

Fuck these things piss me off.

One piece of cheese,

One piece of cheese on
that little fucking thing.

And here's where the fucking
crazy science comes in.

Turn your toaster on,

put her up to about medium.

Put the fucking
thing on its side.

That's the trick.

Put your little bread
in there like that.

There you go.

Nice and fucking perfect.

While you're waiting
for that to cook,

perfect time to light a joint.

Always have a fucking
blow of torch,

most important fucking tool

you can have in your workshop.

Now if you wanna dig around
there while it's cooking,

trust me on this one,

don't use a regular
fucking butter knife

'cause it'll electric
fuck outta you.

So you put a little
bit of rubber on there,

some duct tape, and
then you can dig around

and see how shits doing,
no problem at all.

Just cooking up
fucking nice in there.

More time for another
toke, another drink,

if you're drinking, you
should be fucking drinking.

Everything takes better

when you're fucking
drinking and smoking.

Oh, she's starting to
fucking go, there she goes.

Comes out, she's melted
pretty good there.

Look at that.

Take your knife,
butter this shit up,

let that melt a little bit,

and then you're ready
to eat the thing.

Just snap her in half with
one of these little guys.

Look at that.

Grilled cheese with a toaster.

No cheese, no shit in there.

Well, there's a
little bit of cheese,

it's not at the bottom, anyways,

it'll burn off pretty
quick where it is.

Well, let's move on.

Suppose you don't have
a fucking toaster.

Maybe you're staying
at a hotel room.

Hotels, the one fucking
cook. Ah fuck that's hot.

Fuck!

The one fucking cooking element

that they're always having
a hotel room is an iron.

Or maybe your toaster
is just fucking broken.

Maybe you have a
toaster and an iron,

but your toaster breaks somehow.

It just gets fucking,

It's fucked.

So, got no toaster. So
what are you gonna use?

Find your iron here like this.

Two more pieces of bread.

This time you can actually
butter the bread first.

More cheese.

Oh, look at that,
two fucking pieces,

I always use two.

If you can get these
fucking, Jesus fuck!

Stupid fucking packaging.

I don't know why
they just don't come

with no fucking
packaging on them.

Ah, fuck.

Turn them over, I
forgot what that part.

Ah fuck, fucked it up again.

Put these little
fuckers together now.

Now here's a secret.

You gotta have tinfoil.

You can do it without tinfoil,

but it definitely
doesn't work as good.

You wrapped this
fucking thing up.

Fuck. God damn it.

There's a bit of
beer spilled there.

Clean that up.

And if you got butter on,

you can just wipe
that there I guess.

Start heating that little
fucker up like that.

One side.

Ah, for fucks sakes!

You gotta be careful, these
fucking things are hot.

They fucking burn. Trust me.

I'm getting there.

Actually, while that's
cooking like that,

I guess it's time
for another drink.

You don't need to use steam.
Doesn't really help at all.

Tried it and I didn't
see any difference.

Fuck, this is taking forever.

Well, I guess you
can let your joint up

while you're waiting
for this too.

Fuck.

First time in over a hundred
years, I'm scared, Stabby.

I'm gonna show you something,

I don't want you
to freak out. Okay?

Look at this.

Leggings?

No, I found this in
my bed this morning.

It's the top layer of my
God damn skin coming off.

- Jesus Christ.

- I'm shedding like a
God damn snake, Stabby.

If I don't get my medicine

from Cincinnati Harry
soon, I'm dead. Okay?

Unfortunately, those guys
hold all the power right now.

So I need you to promise me
to use the nice approach.

- Don't worry granddad.

We're gonna make this right.

Dr. Bender
to the mental ward,

please, Dr. Bender.

The Begron will mend your
body, mind, and spirit.

The Cristall Heart
Sunshine Parish

would love to welcome
you to our home

where we will not
only feed your body,

but we will feed your soul
with happiness and love.

- Okay, eight foot Charlie
Manson, recruitment time's over.

- My name is Christall.
We will leave the room,

but the Begron will never leave

the space occupied by the room.

He is coming, Brother.

One more word, and I gut you

from your balls to
your chin, Brother.

Violent.

Angry.

Ah! Jesus!

- Cincinnati Harry, where is he?

Look, we kind of forgot
about this 'til right now.

We got tranquilized
with some drugs.

Yeah, like we don't
know where he is.

We don't even know who he is.

Is he an actor from the
show or something? Or what?

Ah! Okay, okay!

I know where he is. You
stab me one more time,

I swear to God, you're
never gonna see him again.

My grandfather's
dying fast guys,

and Cincinnati's the only
one that can save him.

So we're all in
this together now.

- All Right. We'll give
Cincinnati Harry back,

but we're gonna need a
car to go pick him up in.

I'll drive you.

No offense Mr. Stabby, sir,
but you scare me big time.

We'll go get him and
bring him to you.

That's, that's the deal.

Okay. But I swear to
God, if you cross me,

I'll put a thousand
holes in each you

with a Robertson screwdriver.

Then I'll fill those holes
with my own personal liquid.

One of those peat mossy
type shits you have

we don't have
fiber in your diet.

Good day.

Why is there, did you know this?

There's two different places.

Austria and Australia.

Holy fuck man. Who doesn't?

Well why are they so close?

They're not even,
they're not close.

I looked on the world ball,

and they're actually
really far apart.

So the two people, sort
of have the same idea,

to call their place that.

And one guy's like, I
wanna put an L on mine.

Well people from
Austria or something

probably went down Australia

with all the fucking criminals.

Austria is over.

- That's where Arnie's from man,

Arnold Schwarzenegger
is from Austria.

- Yeah. So somebody else
that's famous and cool as hell.

Who?

There's nobody cooler
than Arnie from Austria.

Josef K-K-Koeberl.

Who?

- I don't know.

Who the is Josef Koeberl.

- He's a-
- Sound it out, Ricky,

use your words.

J-O-S-E-F.

- Josef.
- Josef.

- Okay.

- What's the second one?

I think I can't really read it.

I think it's, K-O-E-B-E-R-L.

K-O, what?

K-O-E...

- K-O-E

- I think.
- Koe.

B-E-R-L.

Koeberl.

Josef Koeberl, who
the fuck is that?

Anyway he sat in a box of
ice for two and a half hours.

Oh, he's broken his own record.

- He's more famous than
Arnold Schwarzenegger?

He's right up there.

Bull fuck, he's not, man.

- Ricky...
- Doesn't even come close.

He's not even in the same realm.

He sat in a fucking ice bucket?

I don't see fucking
Schwarzenegger

sitting in a box of ice
for two and a half hours.

What do you mean he
sat in a box of ice?

It's what he did.

- How big is the box?
- He held the world record,

and then he broke
his world record,

his world record was like
two hours and a bit less.

How big is the box?

It's big enough to fit
him and a shit-cock of ice.

Just like so his
whole body's in ice.

Oh fuck yeah, it's
bigger than this table man.

He's in there
chilling, full body.

But it's crushed
ice and shit, right?

It's not like an ice cube?

It's ice fucking cubes.

- Okay.

And he's got it up to his neck?

- Yeah.

- That's the guy that
could run around naked,

in you know, really
cold conditions, right?

No, I wasn't aware of that.

You ever seen that guy?

No, I wasn't doing that.

Like, no sneakers on,
nothing. Naked, running. Yeah.

- Yeah, I never-
- Fucking Russia.

- I never Googled naked
man running around.

- That's just, called-
- Frolicking in the snow.

But buddy can fucking do it.

North Pole, running around.
Hey, fuck off weather.

It must be mind control.

It has everything
to do with it, man

- Maybe he can hibernate
or I don't know.

But that's pretty cool.

It's like with those
monks and do, right?

If I did it for
two and a half hours,

I don't think I'd be
in very good shape.

Ricky, we couldn't,

none of us could do
it for five minutes.

- No man

- I'd have hydrothermia.

- You would have "hydrothermia".

Didn't that fucking guy,

his last name's Blaine,
- David Blaine?

Didn't he fucking
sit in ice for long,

like two hours or something?

- David Blaine?

David Blaine flew
himself up to the sky

on balloons the other day.

- What?

Yeah, he got on a lawn chair

with a bunch of helium balloons

and he flew up to like 30,000,
40,000 feet and a parachute.

40,000 fucking Feet.

It was something
like that. 25,000.

He went way up there, anyway,

and then he parachuted
it back down.

But you should see him going up,

with all the big
colorful balloons

- and he waved.
- Oh. He had a parachute,

oh that's nothing. That's
not a big deal, then.

- It's a pretty big deal

to take helium balloons
in a lawn chair

up to 25, 30,000 feet
and parachute back down.

I did it, I didn't
have a parachute.

It's fucked.

I don't think I went that high,

but I was up there pretty good.

Ricky, you were
only about 20 feet up.

- No, I was, everything
looked like little dots.

It was pretty, pretty high up.

And I just started
popping balloons

one at a time and
like came back down.

Landed on the service station.

- Yeah, that never happened.
- Something like 25 feet tops.

Maybe I dreamt that.

You were never up
that high, Ricky.

I remember when we
strapped the balloons

to your lawn chair and we
got you off the ground.

I just remember I kept thinking,

when I'm going up,
oh this is bad.

Keep getting higher.

No, you started screaming
like you were up really high.

Wasn't he smoking the ball?

I remember someone saying
just pop the balloons.

And I was like, What?
I can't hear you!

'Cause it was so high.

They said don't
pop the balloons.

Pop the balloons!

And I was like, oh yeah.

So I then I had nothing
to pop them with

and I found my lighter.

I was just like,

and that started coming down.

Fuck,
fuck, move, fuck, fuck off,

fuck, Jesus Christ! Move! Fuck!

Fuck off.