Original subtitles

Warning.

The following program contains really coarse language.

Drug use, Ricky.

Alcohol consumption, smoking, and sexual inferences.

This content may not be suitable for viewers under 18.

To activate parental controls, please press

the big go yourself button on your remote control.

Julian?

What?

How high are you?

I'm not coming over there for a few more minutes.

You're that high?

Yes!

I love it when Julian's fucked up.

Just come sit down, here.

With Uncle Bubbles,

and I'll get your belly.

No, man.

You don't understand, that-

- Come sit on Uncle Bubble's lap.

I started going through this coloring book

last night to pick a picture to color,

but this is a fucked up coloring book, man.

The sayings are fucked.

Like, have you ever heard of this?

As fucked up as a soup sandwich.

No.

Couldn't they have did something better than that?

What is it?

As fucked up as a soup sandwich.

Why would you make a sandwich out of soup?

I am totally as fucked up as a soup sandwich right now.

Jesus fucking Christ, what happened to your hand?

How'd it get, like, so small and metallic?

- What?

Gloves.

Oh, boy, I'm turning into a robot bird.

Like a rooster man.

It's like a rooster.

Get that fuckin' thing away from me, man.

No, no, no.

No.

Bubs.

Jesus, man.

Jesus, that is fuckin' weird, man.

You wouldn't wanna beat your meat

with that little-

- You know what?

Bubs, you're being a,

this is what you're being right now.

No, it's not that type.

No, that's not a good one.

- Jokes.

See, make sense of this for me.

Shit in one hand, wish in the other,

and see which fills up first.

That's a weird one.

Can you explain that to me,

so that it makes sense?

- Well, it's pretty straightforward, Ricky.

What does that mean to you?

Oh, fuck.

What did it say?

- Okay, that one's just as good.

- Jerk licker? - Jerk licker.

- What does a jerk licker mean?

That's somebody that buys

Jamaican beef jerky

and licks it.

Or it's somebody that licks you.

As you're jerkin'.

That's a jerk licker, buddy.

Shit pouch.

All right, that's not bad, I like shit pouch.

What's a shit pouch?

A pouch you carry your

shit around in.

It's a great pouch.

- A gunt puddle.

Oh, jeez.

- What is that?

- A gunt puddle.

- It's sweat coming off a gunt,

that forms into a puddle.

It's a fuckin', that's,

you can't unsee that, can you?

What is this book you have, there?

Why does it say 'gunt puddle' in it?

All right.

I don't know if it's the fuckin' buzz on,

I can't even read this 'cause I don't even know how to.

What is this book?

- What is this, what does that page even say?

Eat a bag of dicks.

Says, mosquitoes,

mosquitoes so big, they could fuck full crown

turkey, flat foot.

Mosquitoes so big, they could fuck

a full crown turkey, flat footed.

A full crown turkey,

what's a full-

- What the fuck is that?

Full grown!

Full grown.

Mosquitoes so big,

they could fuck a full grown turkey, flat footed.

That's a mosquito.

He's so big, he's standing flat footed

putting the fuckin' blocks to a turkey.

From behind.

What the fuck is Randy doing out there?

Sounds like he's, like, flipping cars or something.

No, he's got that fuckin' thing,

that lower crane thing rented,

and he's fuckin' knocking down the playground.

He says he's gonna put in a new playground,

but he doesn't even know

he put up the new swing set, and then

he swung the crane around to get the old part out,

and he bashed the brand new swing set to pieces.

So, he's doing it in the wrong order.

You know the word, 'gunt'?

- Yeah.

- Does that mean there's also a word called,

what is it now?

You're way too high.

Gock.

- A gock? - - A gock.

- A gunt cock? - Yeah.

Is that what it's called?

There's gotta be a name for that one.

A dude that's got the shit going on,

you know what I mean?

Randy's got a gock, right?

Phil Collins definitely had one.

- He had a gock.

He had something.

He had a man cave flap.

Used to come down, and then

there was a flap.

Like, a hanging flap,

Oh, man, he was-

- 'Cause remember, I used to hit it?

Did you roll joints already?

Yeah, I got re-rolled joints.

- Okay.

We're pretty much ready to go.

- Okay, amazing.

Anything else for you, baby?

- Well, I came to fuckin' fix your window.

But like, thanks, man.

Oh yeah, no problem.

You can, kind of, fuck off now, right?

This is his house, Terry.

Hey.

He's blowing up your skirt with that exhaust, like.

That's disgusting.

Oh, you seem to like it.

You didn't show up for three weeks,

what do you want me to do?

What did you expect?

You know how long it took to fuckin' ride here

from Caudry?

How did you even,

how are you even alive?

I'm a bit parched.

Hey, I just fixed the window, man.

Okay.

Lance, we're going camping.

Oh, really?

Happen to actually know a cool spot.

Okay, yeah, no, I'll come for sure.

Like, I can come camping with you guys.

You just gonna follow us?

Yeah, don't drive too fast, Lance.

I told you I'd come, like, I did.

So, there.

Just drive!

Yeah, my first impression of Terry

wasn't that great.

He's kind of an asshole to me.

But, we did leave him a trail of beer cans

so he can, like, find his way.

I got an extra steak for him, too, so.

- Guys?

- I can't believe you found us.

Right on, nice spot.

Yeah, man.

There's some steaks and some beer in the cooler.

Don't invite him for dinner!

You can have one.

You can have a beer.

- Seems like you guys are, like,

suddenly just getting along better than anything.

You know, you sure your Lance

is all?

He has a job, first of all.

Oh, really?

More than you do.

Do you think he can get me one?

No!

He has a big heart,

and he's super fun, and he let me drive

his fuckin' truck.

- Yeah well, I'm having fun with him too, so.

Yeah well, don't have fun with Lance!

I'm having fun with Lance!

Keep that, bear.

Hey Trish, where'd you put your joints?

Oh, sorry.

Lance will know, Lance knows.

What's that?

Did you bring any smokes?

Oh, fuck no.

Ahh.

- You know, like, how many times

in my life, am I gonna just let Terry

break my heart?

We gave her hard last night, holy shit.

Whoo!

Can I use your pump, there?

Yeah, I got my pump with me down here.

- Oh, right on.

Sweet.

Where ya goin'?

Oh, I'm gonna go get some fuckin' smokes.

You gonna pick me up a bag of ice too,

while you're out there?

Totally, for sure, Lance.

Jesus fucking Christ!

Why don't you just get in the tent with Terry.

Right on.

Hey, goin' to a drift event, there.

- What the fuck's a drift event?

You give her shit around corners

and you just fuckin' send her.

Like a race?

Yeah, man.

Thanks, bud!

Fuckin' A!

♪ Pour some sugar on me

♪ Ow!

I like your guitar, Lance.

Thanks, yeah, it looks good on you.

My sister is a better guitar player

but she's a bitch.

- You know what's better? - What?

For playing guitar?

Getting high.

I don't know why we haven't gotten high, yet.

I don't think we've ever waited that long.

You got my keys?

Remember?

When I was like, "Terry."

Fuck, did he give me the keys back?

Have you met Terry?

You don't know Terry.

It's been like five fuckin' hours.

Yeah, maybe he'll be back in a month.

Even though I've been back and forth a few times,

I'm not really sure where I am, so.

My old man told me, like,

sometimes if you're lost, take the road less traveled.

♪ Like an ocean

♪ And there's nothing

♪ But trouble for me

- Okay, babe, can I get you something else?

Yeah, you can get me the fuck out of here, Lance!

We have to leave eventually.

How are we gonna go?

Well, Monday, there'll be ranchers driving around.

If we break in the truck,

we can't go anywhere 'cause we don't have the fuckin' keys!

Who's the idiot logic now?

_ Yeah, but I can get high if we break in

to the fucking truck!

I'm assuming you have fucking car insurance, right?

- Yeah? - I think it's paid.

- Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Which fucking window do you,

you get to choose.

Which window do you want me to break, Lance?

No, we're not gonna break the window just yet.

We're not gonna die.

Then you better start walkin', and go find Terry.

- Fuck!

Don't come back without the keys!

How's it goin', man?

- Oh, what the hell you got goin' on there, bud?

Oh, I got another flat tire.

Like, I'm trying to go get some ice and smokes

for my old lady.

Oh, shit.

- Wait, wait up!

Right on, man!

Whoo!

Bushy!

Oh, Terry.

You got an air pump?

I don't have a pump, but

I can take you somewhere.

I gotta get a new tube.

Whoo!

Oh, like, maybe I can like

give you a couple bucks for the lift.

Hold on, I got a little shrapnel in here, I think.

Two or seven bucks.

Ah, it's just the keys.

Oh, fuck, these are Lance's keys.

I need to get to Crowsnest Pass,

I don't know if that's possible.

Crowsnest is the other way,

but yeah, we can go there.

Holy fuck!

Whoo!

- 1953!

Are you serious?

It's a little bit of an emergency,

maybe you can hock me my bike tire, there.

Yeah, oh, okay.

Do you have anything else?

No, just the bike.

Gave her bod.

Stole his friend's keys,

I wasn't really sure.

I dropped him off camera.

She's fuckin' flat again, right?

And that's kinda like my life, you know?

I'm, like you just put a little in,

I don't actually fix it.

And I've been thinking as I'm riding,

it's like,

that's what I gotta do with Lance and Trish.

I just gotta fuckin' deal with it.

Trish.

Sorry I fucked off for so long!

I'm sorry.

You are?

- Aww. - Lance is a dick.

Where is Lance?

- I don't care.

He went to look for you.

Well, let's go.

The wardens will clean it up.

Whoo!

Yeah, my husband and I got back together, finally.

Have a great night!

Thank you.

I feel really shitty.

'Cause I'm the one that sent him off.

I'm the one that, like, fuckin' screamed at him.

What am I supposed to tell Terry?

Like, oh, sorry babe.

I went to fucking get your beer

and I didn't come home,

because I had to go fucking find Lance.

Thanks a lot, Lance.

Way to be missing.

- Let's go. - Just wait.

These two have been fuckin' goin' at each other

for two months now, like wild cats.

Come on, Randy.

And it's stopping tonight, I'm telling you right now.

- You wanna go?

I'll go.

Let's finish this to the fuckin' death tonight.

Take the freakin' pants off, I'll fight you right here.

All right.

I got proof, Ricky.

Proof of all the shit that you've done to me.

I got Chipper take some,

get some video clips and shit.

Where the fuck?

Hold the fuck on a second, right now.

- Did you get that shit for him?

Hey, dummy.

Hey.

One of us has to leave the fuckin' theater, okay?

Well, leave then.

Let's have a competition.

First person to break a bone of the other person.

No.

- They win. - No.

And the loser has to leave.

- We're gonna have a peaceful night tonight.

- I got strong bones. - You started all this shit,

I could fuck all to you!

You frig off, Ricky.

You've pissed in my shoes so many times,

I can't even count.

Danny!

Bring up that video of all the shit

that Ricky's done to me.

Check this out, folks.

Look at this.

Ricky caulked every single door,

all of the freakin' windows.

We couldn't get out of our trailer for two weeks.

Pissing on my barbecue!

Oh, my freak!

This was funny.

I got one of those magic eraser things.

It wouldn't take dick off the siding on the trailer!

Fuck you guys.

- And look what he did. - Mr. Lahey was having a nap,

look what he did to him.

Ricky.

That's a penis and a scrotum, everybody.

That's a nice pair of pants.

Pants were ruined.

- And you put the piss dribbles.

- Pissing on things. - - All right, I forgot.

I was wasted, I'm sorry.

Ricky, what kind of person pisses on things like that?

You did that!

I didn't know that was you!

Oh, the mail's stuck together.

What the freak are you doing to my chee-

You did not take-

I was wondering where that burger went!

Pretty tasty, bud.

No!

Ricky, you pissed right on the meat.

He pissed on my, my burgers!

- Well, you must've smelled it.

That is low, Ricky.

Mr. Lahey, the barbecue freakin' broke!

Ricky, I didn't know

you pissed right on the meat.

Oh, don't do it, Randers.

Randy, oh!

How did you not taste all that piss cheese

and piss meat?

Some of it had to evaporate

'cause the grill is on.

Tasted though, it kind of, like-

- But then it's gonna be stained with piss.

- It was like asparagus tasting.

- Piss infused.

Asparagus taste.

Piss smoked.

Don't act like you're fuckin' innocent, Randy.

'Cause you're not.

- I'm innocent. - Yeah, bullshit.

- I haven't done hardly anything to Ricky.

Just doin' my job.

Oh, is that right?

Hardly anything?

Is that the way, okay.

Hang on, Randy.

I wasn't gonna fuckin' show this,

but you're not getting away with this.

What is it?

Ricky, don't freak out.

- What?

Do not freak out, there's some things you're gonna see.

There's more shit he's done to me, I don't know about?

There's a couple things,

don't freak out.

You're fuckin' dead.

Danny, put up the fuckin' footage.

- Hey, stop freakin' filming. - Get the freak out of here,

it's none of your business.

Get the freak out of here.

Look, he had a whole tilapia.

Oh, you fuck.

Whole fuckin' tilapia.

I thought you'd be hungry, Ricky.

That's why my car smells like

a dirty fuckin' stripper.

Tilapia.

Oh yeah, fucked over my gas tank

with maple syrup, and car didn't work anymore.

That was fuel injector, queen.

Yeah, okay.

It should be working good,

your car is a piece of junk, Ricky.

Fuck you.

Randy, there's no such thing as

Aunt Jemima fuel injector.

This was actually pretty good.

Nice way to wake up.

This was a good one.

You could've burned him to death, Randy!

Oh, Ricky could take it.

- Could've burned him to death.

Okay that's,

okay wait, now whoa, whoa.

I didn't-I swear to fuck,

if you pissed on me, Randy.

Oh, don't show this, please.

Oh!

- Ricky, don't throw up.

Do not throw up on the stage.

Randy, that's fuckin' greasy.

That's a greasy move.

That's not as bad as pissing on things, Bubbles.

That's unbelievable.

- I tasted your cock grease, is that what you're telling me?

- Oh yeah? - Was it cheesy?

Ah, Ricky.

Ricky, calm down.

- We gotta fuckin' go right now.

No, Ricky.

- I don't wanna fight right now,

I just wanna watch this, Ricky.

No, we're fuckin' goin'.

Ricky, Ricky, Ricky!

Listen.

Randy, sit down.

Oh my fuck, you're greasy.

- What the fuck?

- Sit! - Look at that.

Ah look, Randy!

- Are you gonna take that shit off your hand?

Frig off, Ricky.

Just watch this, please.

- You're fuckin' covered in oil.

What is on you?

It burns, it kinda burns.

Oh yeah, look it.

Fuck, you're fightin' on the screen

and you're fightin' in here.

Ricky,

I promised him we would watch this.

It's fuckin' bullshit, Bubbles!

Oh, just be nice!

He's fragile.

You're fuckin' lucky it's Lahey's birthday.

I'm telling you right now.

Tomorrow, you're fair game.

You should not be rubbing your penis

on his glasses!

That's fuckin' greasy.

Look.

I'm not fuckin' doin' this tonight, boys.

The whole show's not gonna be this bullshit.

Okay?

So, I'll let you pick one competition each,

and that's gonna settle it.

- All right, no problem.

Anything we want?

- Within reason, Ricky.

Nothin' too crazy.

- All right. - We're gonna flip a coin

to see who gets to pick the first competition.

Julian?

- You're not gonna like what I pick, Randy.

It's gonna settle the feud, Bubs?

Do you have a coin?

All right, heads or tails, Randy?

- Heads. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why does he get to pick?

It's a coin toss,

it doesn't matter, man.

- We should flip a coin to see who gets to pick.

Ricky, it's a 50/50 thing, it doesn't fuckin' matter.

Just wait, Ricky.

We're having a coin toss.

- Yeah.

You wanna have a coin toss to see

who picks heads or tails for this coin toss?

Well that'll be fuckin' fair, wouldn't it?

Yeah, but who picks heads or tails

for this coin toss to decide on this coin toss?

That's a bit of a catch 23,

I guess we have to flip a coin for that, too.

It doesn't matter!

No, Ricky, it'll just keep going.

And then you gotta pick.

Oh, my fuck, just flip the coin.

Heads or tails?

- Heads! - All right, you go first.

Yes!

Okay Randy, what do you want to do?

What's your competition?

Cheeseburger eating contest.

ú

Of course.

All right that's easy, you're good.

Whoever can finish the cheeseburger first, wins.

I can do that!

And you have cheeseburgers?

I got cheeseburgers right here, Bubs?

The fuck are you going through?

Fuck are you doing, Randy?

- I'm just compacting some other cheeseburgers I had today.

Moving the onion rings around.

Gonna make some room for that burger.

- Should I be doing that, Bubs?

No, don't do that.

- What the fuck is goin' on. - Randy, you got about 15,

who fuckin' carries around 15 burgers with him?

- You never know when you're gonna get hungry.

- Okay, those feel about, like, regulation.

Okay.

Take a burger, Ricky.

You're fuckin' goin' down, Randy.

Standard rules.

On my count, you unwrap, fuckin' eat.

First one to drive it into the shit locker, wins.

Okay, step up here.

- You got this, man. - You got it.

Step onto the line.

Right here.

Okay.

Are we ready?

Are we ready?

You guys are gonna help me countdown.

In three, two, one, eat!

- Do it, man. - Do it, do it, Ricky.

Ricky, you got this.

- Can't open the fuckin' thing!

Where does it open?

Get the fuckin'-

- Ricky, for fuck's sakes.

It's glued!

It's not glued!

- Fuck.

- Yeah! - Yes, Randy!

Ricky, come on.

I can't get that fucked up today.

I gotta go down to the Department of Motor Vehicles.

For what?

I'm trying to register my go-kart

to be used on the streets.

I'm trying to get it street legal.

Not gonna happen,

doesn't have any blinkers.

- I put blinkers on it.

- You need one of those fuckin'

upside down triangle signs.

I have one of those.

I put blinkers on it,

I got the brakes all-

- Headlights?

There's headlights on it.

Taillights.

Man.

Might be able to do it.

You could register it as a farm vehicle, probably.

What about the seatbelt?

You need, like, a five point harness.

I've got a fuckin' racing harness

in the kart.

- All right, okay, all right. - So, I'm gonna try to get it-

- I think you need a special bumper, too,

don't ya?

Oh, I don't know, do I?

I'll have to weld a fuckin' bumper onto it, then.

I will.

- Need a bumper.

- I just need to be able to go to the, you know,

go down to the mall in my kart.

Would make things a lot easier.

A lot of weird shit going on in the world.

Hurricanes.

Like what, Ricky?

- No there isn't, man, is there?

The area's great.

We fuckin',

all we do is get high and drunk everyday, now.

Our world is good, but other people

are going through hell.

But no, what I'm trying to say,

our world is even more fucked up than the outside world,

'cause we're fucked.

Like all day, all night now.

I gotta stop it.

I gotta stop fuckin' getting like this.

This high.

I disagree, I think it's hilarious.

Ah, yeah.

What's hilarious?

Hurricanes and fires?

No, him getting fucked up

to the point where he thinks, you know,

he shit himself.

It is good.

There's a guy in California,

he fought a forest fire with Bud Light.

- A forest fire?

Yep.

Fire was coming towards his house.

First of all, his house burnt down five years ago,

in another fuckin' accident.

So, he's built a new house after fighting

the insurance company for five years.

He's got it almost built,

and the fuckin' fires start comin' towards them.

So he had, was fighting it with water,

and then the town he's in shut their water off.

That's smart, when you got a forest fire comin' at ya.

So what did he do?

- He, the only liquid he had was

a 30 pack of Bud Light,

and he started puncturing little holes in it.

Shaken up, so he had a nice little stream comin' out.

Bud Light must've been all over that.

They should give the guy beer for life.

Did it work?

It worked enough until,

then a firetruck came and fuckin',

they were able to save his home.

- So, he did it!

No, man.

It couldn't have been a forest fire.

It was probably, like, a little garden fire,

or fuckin' lawn fire.

A forest fire with 30 pack of beer?

Whatever they have in California

may not be a fuckin' forest fire, a wildfire.

They have forest fires.

Yeah, but a wild fire is, like, crazy.

You're not gonna stop it with cans of beer.

Well, he initially soaked everything with his hose,

and stuff. But then, they turned the water off.

So it was just, like a,

he was just using it as a second line of defense.

You could do that.

That was a waste of booze.

That's what I was thinking.

He's like, he didn't even second guess,

he just grabbed 'em. And I said, man, I'd be like,

looking at that beer box, going-

- I thought you meant

he had, like, a keg or something.

Yeah, man.

That's so fucked.

It's probably bullshit.

He's probably trying to get free beer.

- That's what he's trying to do.

You should tell everybody you put out

a forest fire with a case of rum.

Tell Appleton's that you,

tell Appleton's that you fought off

an alien invasion.

Wouldn't that be like adding gas to the fire, though?

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Jesus Christ!