All language subtitles for Trailer.Park.Boys.The.SwearNet.Show.S06E03.Episode.3.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-WhatsBeyond_track3_[eng]

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really coarse language,
weed, alcohol consumption,

smoking, and sexual
infer--ferlences.

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Women blink twice
as often as men do.

That's, see, I knew
something was up with that.

Yeah, I knew it.

Bullshit!

'Cause lots of times, you
know, you'd be on a date

and she'd be looking at
my face, you're like,

"Why the fuck is she
blinking so much?" It's-

- What, your date?

Yeah. It's weird.

Never noticed that, man.

So now I guess it's
normal. I thought it was me.

- You blink a lot, man.

I'm not blinking.

You're blinking like crazy.

- What was that?

The longest known record

for constipation is 102 days.

Bull shit!

- 102 days,
- There's no fucking way.

- You'd shit a diamond.

- No, you would blow up.

- You'd shit a diamond.

She'd be that compressed.

No, that's not it.

What was he eating?

Was he just like fucking--

That's the shitty
part about this

OMG facts
- You don't know

like you wanna know more.

They don't give
you more details.

- Well, you got the Google box.

"102-day constipation bout."

or just put in "shit diamond."

- 100.102 days?

Yep.

You want to go for
the record, Ricky?

- No, I do not.

I like to release my
products every day.

- Your products?

Products.

Oh man.

It's like a little
factory. Is it, Ricky?

- Can constipation cause fevers

I gotta stop drinking boys.

I got a good buzz on.

Fuck it let's just
power through with it.

I'm giving up.

I don't care about this guy.

And his 100 day constipation.

Fuck that Ricky

We should write a movie
called "The 100 Day Shit."

God just starts pooping

and he can't stop for 100 days.

So he's doing all
his business from the

he's got his office
set up in the

- Who'd wanna watch an
hour and a half of that?

I wonder how long

Put Will Ferrell
in it and I would!

- I wonder how long the log was.

That must have been a
fucking doozy when you think

about that.

No, I don't think,

I think it was just
the density changed.

It would've been

- I remember being, not
being able to go for

it was three days, I think.

And when it went,
holy fucking Jesus.

It was a long one.

Had to be three feet.

You brought, you called
me into the bathroom, Ricky.

Tricked me.

All coiled up like a snow cone.

Not a snow cone.

What do they call
it? Soft serve.

- He tricked me.

He goes, "Bubbles, can
you help me in here?"

"There's a leak or
something with the pipes."

And I walk in, he
goes, "Look at that."

It was stacking up
out out of the toilet.

This, it's one of those
once in a lifetime things.

You gotta share
it with somebody.

Don't show me that.
- Yeah but you shared it

with like fucking people, man.

The people don't
wanna know about this.

I think we took a picture of it.

I think there's a
picture of it somewhere.

It was unbelievable.

Nobody needs to see that.

But you don't need to see that.

It was good to see it live.

I'm gonna find that picture.

And we're gonna put
it out right now.

If you're a rich as fuck,
why would you buy this?

You see the size of that sucker?

- You don't need
to do that shit.

- If you're rich as
fuck would you buy this.

There's a Israeli
jeweler who's building a

fucking coronavirus mask
for 1.5 million bucks.

It's gold, white gold.

3000 white and black diamonds.

Oh man.

- And it's got top rated
N99 filters built in.

- You know what I'd do?

"Hey, nice to meet you."

Bye.

That's the thing.

Oh yeah.

We should fucking
find out who buys it.

The easy thing to,
how much is it worth?

- You should be thinking
of the jobs man.

That was a good one.

1.5 million.

Yeah I was joking.

- That was, that's a great idea.

- I was kidding.

Don't start.

If someone's dumb enough to buy

that they deserve
to have it stolen.

Big time.

Well, only a rich
person is gonna buy it

that wants to live.

- Well then you're just
basically displaying

how rich you were

and that you fucking should get.

- Right.
- You know?

You're basically saying

I can spend a million
and a half on this.

Imagine what I got
back at the house.

Follow me there.

Cars I have all that shit.

Follow me there.

Kill me.

Take my stuff.

- That's basically what

- Basically what
that's saying to

you know the wrong person.

Like a Jeffrey Dahmer sees that

It's pretty cocky to rock around

and basically says,
"yeah, I'm rich as fuck."

"Fuck off."

- Oh fuck Ricky, I just thought

of a picture that's
gonna make you laugh.

All right.

- Look at this.

It got sent to me.

I was reading somewhere that

Tokyo just put in
these toilets in a park

and they're see through.

- What?

Transparon?

Is that, does that mean

Transparent.

- Transparon.
Yeah, he's got that

You're starting to get FAS

FAS.

Anyway, that'd be weird.

What was it?

What were you talking about?

- To put toilets

Tokyo, put toilets in a public
park that are see through.

Are they in like a little room?

So you're just
pissing out in public?

Messing or doing other business?

Oh my Jesus.

What is wrong that somebody
that's a terrible idea.

That's different.

And people are using

You mean the, the
stalls are clear?

Correct. It's
like a fucking glass

- House.

With toilets in it.

Good luck.

What the fuck is
this chicken Trevor?

Trevor it's fucking perfect.

Same as Oscar Goldman.

Good job.

- Man I told you Ricky.

Go get the chicken.

Love you, Ricky.

- Trevor you gotta stop
saying that, all right?

Go get the fucking chicken.

I can't stop saying that.

I really do like a lot.

Trev, go get the chicken please.

Love you, Ricky.

Let's go. Hurry up.

- I think he's friendly.

Hurry the fuck up Trevor.

Stop playing games Trev.

It's fast Ricky.

Ow he bit me!

- You trying to tell me

a chicken's fucking
smarter than you Trev?

It's not smarter than me,
but it might be tougher.

I got him.

All right, good.

Put 'em in the bag and
get the fuck over here.

See Ricky?

What the fuck you
doing with my chick?!

Give me that chick

For fuck's sake.

- Get over here.

This fucking Big Bear fan.

It's fucking Big Bear, over.

What are you doing?

- Trevor, stop turtling
and fight back.

- Stop.

Excuse me.

I am a doctor.

He's a mental patient.

He's on drugs.

Just brought him down here
for little nature time.

Everything's cool.

- Listen

I I want this I want
this boy taken into town.

I want him taken into town.

No, he's, I'm taking back
to the hospital right now.

He's a mental patient.

I'm a mental doctor.

I am.

That's my doctor
car right there.

For fuck's sake Trevor.

I'm going to call the cops.

For fuck's sake.

I'm going to call the cops.

- Start the car.

Don't call the
cops I'm a doctor!

Get out and push Trevor.

For fuck's sake.

Push!

- Stop the car.

Holy Jesus.

Questions? Comments?

I'm gonna cut you bitches
into a thousand pieces.

Didn't the doctor
say to lay off on

the cigars Poppy?

Way to break the
tension in the room Sammy.

Shut your goddamn mouth.

Look sir, we really have no
idea who Cincinnati Harry is.

I don't even know
what's real right now.

Is this real?

Stabby.

Rob do you know who
Cincinnati Harry is?

Who?

You were the last
ones with them.

They're lying to us Poppy.

Sammy, who's got the floor?

- You do Poppy.

But I'm just sayin'.

I understand you're just saying,

but it's the just saying
that I have a problem with.

Okay?

Stop just saying things.

- Okay I get it.

Zip up my lip
throw away the key.

But I was just saying.

Jesus Christ, you just
snuck another one in there.

Shut your ugly mouth son.

I apologize for
my great-grandson.

I don't know my granddad
years ago banged a girl

in the loony bin or something.

He got the G.

You with us again here?

You seeing this?

What the hell's going on?

I'll tell you what's
going on ass clown.

If you big shots with
your fancy cameras

and your actors and
your drugs don't return

Cincinnati Harry, my
grandfather's gonna die.

And if he dies, you die.

- Look, we don't know
who Cincinnati Harry is.

If any of us did, we'd tell you.

We're not lying.

Bullshit!

Stabby.

That's enough.

Apparently there's been some
kind of a misunderstanding

gentlemen.

I apologize for
wasting your time.

You're free to go.

Huh?

Hurry up.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Don't let them of
your sights, Stabby.

Jesus Christ, can someone
answer the goddamn door?

I'm busy here.

Suffering Jesus.

She's just about to blow.

Who in Christ
cream corn are you?

And why are you ringing
the nuts off my doorbell?

You settle down wrinkles.

- We're looking for Sammy, man.

- Sorry, Poppy.

I didn't hear the door.

It's okay I'll deal with this.

It's okay.

- It's not okay.

Okay? I lost my goddamn wood.

Is that okay?

Ring my goddamn doorbell.

Beautiful piece of wood
whittled down to nothing.

Are you guys trying
to get me killed?

I'm gettin' you the
devil's breath okay?

- Man, whatever.

- Hello.
- Where are you?

I'm up by the coast.

Following those three
little cock weasels.

Boys don't look now.

But those mafia dicks
are following us.

- What?

- Okay. Stay with them.

Don't let them leave town.

But Stabby, do not stab them.

Please?

Okay I know it's hard.

Just promise me.

I promise I won't stab them.

Yet.

You guys see the
bloody log fly by?

It's blue.

Why did you do that?

All right.

Morrie's place is this
way through the woods.

Let's go.

Out of the car you
German son of a bitch.

There's no way out.

I'm Jackson Peckinsteel.

A killer scene here today
by Cockerton Point Hill.

Initial reports confirmed
that three men have been run

over by car behind me

and then brutally stabbed
by unknown assailant.

They have been transported
to Port Cockerton General

and I'm happy to report it
does not look good for them.

I'm Jackson Peckinsteel.

Up next, our shitty forecast.

- Jumping Jesus on a bogo deck.

What has your father
done to me Sammy?

We'll never find
Cincinnati Harry now.

- Hello.
- You killed me Stabby!

That's it.

I'm dead.

I'm dead!

Don, calm down.

It wasn't them I stabbed.

I can't believe
you did this to me.

I'm watching you
on my TV right now.

Why do you look so freaked out?

- I would never let
anything happen to you.

I would take a bullet for you.

Hello, this is Santa Claus.

Over the last number of
decades, Christmas has gotten

completely fucked up.

It's all about fucking money

and toys and bullshit
fucking possessions now.

Now that's not what Christmas
is supposed to be about.

And for some fucking reason now

all of a sudden
I represent that.

You know, I'm supposed to be
the fucking representative

of love and joy.

Not fucking bullshit
money spending.

So anyway, I think it's time I

I told myself to go fuck myself

in the form of a song.

Here we go.

♪ Or how much money you spend

♪ Do do di do, do do di do

Go fuck yourself Santa.

- Oh yeah you like cats.

There was a man walking
his dog in China

and a fucking cat
fell out of the sky

and knocked him out.

That was fucked up.

Did you see that?

Super cat lost his powers.

No man, he fucking, he
probably saved cat's life.

Yeah

But where did it fall from?

A building?

- Nobody knows.

It didn't just come out
of the open sky did it?

- It came from a building, man.

Oh, I guess they do know.

- What do you mean nobody knows?

Knocked the guy
right out though.

Right in the fucking head.

- Is there video of it?

There is video.

There is video.

- Okay I want to see it.

CTCV video.

- Holy fuck I think
that beaver just moved.

- Maybe the cat.

Ronnie Thunder.

Something living
inside of it man.

It's probably
filled with maggots.

We have to write a
new song instead of

Frosty the Snowman.

What's his name?

Ronnie Thunder?

No, this beaver.

Billy, isn't it?

- Billy Beaver.

Ronnie Thunder fuck some
life into Billy Beaver.

- What's that got to do
with Frosty the Snowman?

- Frosty the Snowman came alive.

Billy Beaver came alive.

And Ronnie Thunder.

- Oh, so you mean
- fucked some life into him.

All right, I found the UFO.

I fucked up.

- Well, we got next week
we should maybe do less.

Just a little bit less.

- Maybe.

No man.

Or maybe we should do more.

How long have we been doing
the pod thing here today?

Feels like an hour.

And I just found the UFO thing

and then now there's this
pregnancy test thing coming up.

Go false.

- You should order that.

Oh no, no.

This is what the fuck.

That's not.

No, no, no.

It's just a shot from the space.

I already watched it

and then it went on to
the other fucking video.

Oh Jesus.

Jesus Bubs.

You are fucked up buddy.

Boys I think we've been
doing this feels like

like a two hour park after dark.

- Is it a two hour one?

No.

- Crystal meth's fucked.

Really?

Did you ever see Breaking Bad?

Yeah, but you know
what, it's more,

you knew it was fucked.

But this girl was
on crystal meth

and she gouged her own eyes out.

- Oh geez
- 22 year old.

So she just got fucking

she just got prosthetic
eyeballs put in

so she can see again, I guess.

How does that work?

- She can't see.

Where are you
reading this story?

It's a real one.

Whoa, whoa.

This UFO.

You guys see it?

- Yes we're the one
that told you about it.

There's four lights.

Yeah, that's exactly
what we described.

I described that.

Four lights reaching.

- Yeah but I had to see
it 'cause you're fucked.

Okay. UFOs.

- Did you see it though?

Yeah. Like where'd
it go though?

It just, it might
have just uncloaked

for one second just to.

So they got cloaking abilities.

- I, well it, it looked
like each got cloaks.

They're coming man.

They're gonna take over.

We've been pretty
fucked up over the years.

I've never gotten to the point

where I wanted to
gouge out my eyeballs.

No, Ricky that's

You got some serious
fucking problems

if you're doing that.

Are you sure that

the part where she got
prosthetic eyeballs

and can see again is not

That's the part that

or maybe she just looks
like she can see again.

Yeah, Ricky.

That's all it is.

They're just so that
she doesn't just have

big cavities here.

- You know what happened to her?

She I bet you she watched
that movie where fucking

the guy starts
gouging his eyes out.

That's what happened.

She got on meth.

She's like, "Oh,
fuck here we go."

- Fucking Jesus.

That just makes me want to bleh.

Don't do meth anybody.

Imagine waking up after
that buzz song ongoing.

- What did I do?

Something's not right here.

- Something doesn't feel right.

Oh look, I put a
fucking Mars bar wrapper

in my eye socket.

And you're rubbing your
eyes, but they're not there

Going, "Wait a second
something's not right here."

I can't go to the
bathroom and check

I'm using my eye
cavity as a little purse.

I put change in there.

I got two change purses.

- Maybe she's gonna stop fucking
using crystal meth though.

I hope so.

It might be a good,
a silver lining.

- Crystal meth.

Is it called crystal meth?

That's the drink crystals.

No, that's Crystal Light.

You could make crystal
meth into a drink crystal

you'd probably be
a wealthy fellow.

- Isn't that what it is?

I don't, I've never

I don't even know what
crystal meth looks like.

Do I?

It's like, yeah, you
watch Breaking Bad.

- Oh, was it just little rocks?

Oh, the little blue rocks

They smoke it and
they get all fucked.

Oh yeah if you could put
it into drink crystals,

I bet you whew.

- You'd fuck up a lot of people.

Okay don't even get
thinking about it.

We're not gonna start.

I see the fucking wheels
were starting to turn.

No, Ricky.

We're not turning into
Breaking Bad and making

crystal meth.

- What if you took weed

- I wouldn't wanna fuck
people up that bad.

I'm not that kind of person.

- Weed crystal drink
- Weed crystals.

You had that weed crystal drink?

Yeah, that would be good.

- Mix it with Kool-Aid.

Five hour D energy

Some sugar.

Wow.

- Starting to come down.

It doesn't feel good.

- Feels like it's like nap time.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

It's so fun for a while
now it's just like fuck.

I got a good snap of
liquor in me though.

Good snap doin' the liquor.

Well can you please
tell your cats to

stop banging my beaver?

- I can.

- Yeah that's got,
that's that stinks, man.

That'd be an extra weird

I think.

No, I think there was
already stank on it.

And that's what allured Ronnie
Thunder in to do the bang.

And I don't think Ronnie
left a stank on it.

- You find a hole in it?

Is there an actual

There's one right there.

Put your finger
in there just to see

if there's any like
maggots or anything.

I'm not sticking my finger
in Bill Beaver's fuckhole.

Did he actually put
some juice in there?

If he got his juice in there

it might have loosened
everything up.

It's probably
filled with maggots.

Jesus put it down

Too much analysis happening.

I want you to dry
clean my beaver.

Fuck off.