All language subtitles for Trailer.Park.Boys.The.SwearNet.Show.S06E02.Episode.2.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-WhatsBeyond_track3_[eng]

Warning.

The following program contains
really coarse language,

weed, alcohol consumption,
smoking and sexual inferences.

This content may not be
suitable for viewers under 18.

To activate parental controls,

please press the go
yourself button

on your remote control.

Fuck.

- Would you put down his
fucking stair spindle?

You're not
selling any of my shit.

Go to your own trailer and
fucking sell some of your shit.

We could have a yard sale.

Yeah, for me.

We go find a nice nice house
where there's nobody home.

I'm building a six-legged
table out of that,

so don't fuck around.

Okay, well there's
fuckin', I can take half then.

No, there's 2 six-legged tables.

- Boys.

I need money!

Well, I mean, you're sitting
on the biggest asset anybody,

any of us have.

- What, his ass?

Those big muscles.

- Yeah, Bubs, fuck off.

You know what I mean.

You start selling
that body online.

Selling my body online?

- On a chat cam.

- Shut up, man.

Holy fuck.

If you, if I could
set up a website

where fellas were paying you
money to flex, would you do it?

Schlong dangler.

No, I wouldn't fuckin' do it.

You wouldn't flex online?

You don't even know
who's watching it.

It's just guys sending ya coins.

I just want to go to a bar
and not wear one of these.

We're at a bar.

We're at Ricky's bar right now,

and I'm drinking at Ricky's bar.

Strippers wearing masks?

Yeah, no shit.

It's just not the same.

Strippers don't
wear masks, do they?

Yeah, they do, man.

- Where?

- Well.

Bubs, come on.

- What?

Just saying.

Whoo.

- I love Mommy so much.

She's my favorite cutie,

and tonight I would like
a piece of that booty.

Is that what it says, Ricky?

- Don't ask for milk or
help with your socks,

because nobody
likes a cock-block.

- What the fuck is this, Ricky?

Nobody likes a cock-block.

- It's like a kids book.

It's fucking
great, Moe loves it.

- Where did he get this?

Some of the pictures are wicked.

Like, look at these frogs
teeing off on each other.

Where is it?

- You don't wanna
fucking be reading shit

like this to Moe, man.

Gimme that!

The frogs are doin' it.

Ricky, don't fucking read
shit like this to Moe, man.

He's too young.

- Where'd you get that?

I don't read it,
he reads it him himself.

- What's Moe sayin' about this?

Huh?

About what?

About two fucking frogs
teeing off on each other?

I just said that Daddy
Frog's hugging Mommy Frog.

He doesn't know that
his cock's inside her.

Because nobody
likes a cock-block,

so what does he say?

Grampy, what's a cock-block?

- It's just when
somebody's blocking you

from huggin' your girl.

Jesus.

The train's leaving the station.

It's about to go down.

Fuck.

What's that mean?

- Someone's goin' down.

My ticket is stamped for
a trip to pound town.

Rick, man.

Look, it's like.

Come on.

That's fucked.

- Ricky.

I don't understand
where you even got it.

You didn't get it at the--

Just here, give it back.

- Your job is to sleep
like the heaviest rock.

Darlin', nobody
likes a cock-block.

And look, the squirrels
are doing a tee off.

- The squirrels are doing anal.

- There was one where--

Ricky, man.

It was talking about blowing me.

- That's not a book for
kids, Ricky, obviously.

Daddy worked all day long.

He's tired and lonely.

There's a small,
small, small chance

that your mother might blow me.

So what does Moe say about that?

- Ricky.

What does a blow?

What does that mean, Grampy?

He knows what a blow is.

God, he's six now.

And he knows what a blowjob is?

Didn't you?

No!

No, man.

Did you?

Probably, I don't know.

There, that goes there.

Oh.

Oh fuck, hold on.

I gotta put in my, hello?

Hey, Terry!

Who's it?

Who?

It's Lazer.

Oh, Lazer!

I can't see you, bud.

I can hear ya though, real good.

I'm sitting
in the park by myself.

- By your cell?

Yeah, I had to get out of house.

Cheers!

Listen, I have uh, I have beers!

Should I come over?

Well, uh.

You're here now?

Yeah, it was
outside by your house.

Oh fuck, well keep your
face on and come in, yeah.

I'll go open the door.

Oh, I'm just kinda
cleanin' up a little.

Let's bottle one.

Take straw.

It's COVID wrapped.

If you don't have bendy straw,

you have to use straight straw.

- Okay.

- Okay.

And then, make little hole.

Okay, open up it's like aaaaah.

- And then you put it together.

Okay, here we go.

Cheers.

It was great to visit.

Thanks for thinking of me.

- Yeah.

Holy shit, that comes out fast.

I was given'r with
him quite a bit.

Given'r?

Yeah, like we've
been given'r and--

- Oh, he's been working.

Shank, no, what?

He says he's not working.

Well, he was working for me.

- No, he's on the Cerb,
so he's like I'm just--

Well, no, he's been
working like every day for me

for the last few weeks.

You serious?

- Yeah.

He actually, he took
my hammer drill,

and I'm like, what the fuck?

- I think he's maybe
like working both
sides of everything.

Both sides?

Yeah, like he's collecting Cerb,

and then saying he ain't, and
then gettin' jobs from you.

Really?

- Yeah, you should fuckin'
call him and fuck him right up.

Okay, here.

Fuckin' phone him up and then--

You're gonna have to
talk because I can't do it.

No, you're doin' it.

I got the accent.

No, he'll be like, oh it's
a guy from other countries.

If it's me, he'll be like
oh, it's fuckin' Terry.

- Okay.

- Hello?

This is uh, Canadian
government calling.

To accept call,
press one or two.

Thank you.

You have been collecting
CERB for last, uh,

last two months.

And you have, there
are inconsistencies
with your account.

Why is there inconsistency?

I sent you in the paperwork.

Canadian government is going
to send in Mounted Police

to come arrest you for
inconsistency in CERB account.

The hammer drill,
the hammer drill!

You can talk
to my foreign envoy.

You need to give hammer
drill back to employer,

or else your CERB account
will be cut off immediately.

Lazer is the rat.

It's not Lazer, Lazer's--

Fuck off, it's not Lazer.

Fuck off.

- Wooo!

Here, let's fuckin' crank call
him again right on this one.

- Hello?

Hey, Terry.

I can only see the
top of your dome, bud.

Can't hear you either.

Sorry, bud.

- Can't hear ya.

I'm just hanging out.

Hangin' out at home.

Your fuckin' sound's off.

What do you mean?

- Your audio, I can't hear you.

I can't hear you.

- Fucking hell.

- You fucked it.

Just click on the thing.

Click on the thing,
it says sound.

I'm clicking it!

- It says sound.

Ya gotta fuckin'
get the sound right.

I'm fucking clicking it!

- Shank!

There, how's that?

- No, I can't hear you.

It says mute.

It says like a microphone
with a fucking X.

Or like one slice.

Okay, I unmuted it.

- Hello?

Hello?

He doesn't know.

- Wait, wait, I got it.

Stay low.

Shank, it says default.

I got it, I got it.

It goes to default, not default.

I unmuted it.

Hello?

We got her.

- Hello?

I took that out.

Yeah, do that then.

Well, I did it.

Well, great!

I just wanted to call to
say let's giver again.

Last time I got so
wrecked with you,

it was the blast of my life.

Okay listen, Terry,

you gotta keep that on
the low down, all right?

It was awesome, I got so stoned.

I like to rip it.

I didn't know you
loved the dope, wooo!

Don't worry, next
time I see you--

- Hey, I was just
wondering where the fuck

my hammer drill is.

Yeah, where's the
hammer drill, Shank?

He was the one who called you!

I got the concrete that
needs to be drilled tomorrow.

How else am I going to
attach this bloody plastic

to this con, so people--

Shank, you gotta giver with us.

It's gonna be so hilarious.

You're livin' in the
past with this hammerin'.

You gotta get into the future.

Living in past?

I tell you, you're
taking shit from me.

I tell you, I'm
going to fuck you up!

I will fuck you up.

Just give it back
and we'll giver!

Are you threatening me?

Are you threatening me?

Yes, I am threatening you!

Oh, you're gonna
threaten me now?

I'm going to kick
your fucking ass!

Oh, bring it on!

Come over!

Last time I kicked your ass.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

I hung up on him.

But seriously, if
he's got your shit,

you should fuckin'.

Totally.

That's why I did that, so.

Next time you have problems
with him, I can help.

- Okay.

Because he does giver.

No, I just need it back.

Let's go to his house.

Oh, show up there.

Sneak up the window.

Oh, god.

We're going to need some
beers for on the way back.

Okay, I got my cans here.

Grab my bag.

- Grab this bag?

With about three
or four, right on.

Holy fuck.

Hey.

This is my hammer drill.

What, let me see.

No, but wait.

No, but Shank's like here, Ter.

I traded this,

but I can't remember what
I fuckin' gave him for it.

I though a hammer drill was
two things, and it's one.

Uh, so yeah.

Here you go, bud.

Oh my god.

Jesus Murphy.

Ah, socked 'em!

- Mister Lahey, not the liquor.

- Chill, Randy.

I know what I'm doin'.

Bubbles, what's the plastic for?

I'm trying to fix
my roof, it's leaking.

What's all
this paraphernalia here?

It's for the
Super Cats Cat Show.

I do that every
year, you know that.

Where's Ricky and Julian?

None of your business, actually.

When are you expecting
your baby, Randy?

Bubbles, when your
little shit pals get back,

here's somthin'
you can tell 'em.

Tell 'em you received
official notice today

that this shit shack has
been officially condemned.

By the power and
authority invested in me

by the Trailer Park
Supervisor's Act,

I am officially
condemning this shed.

- What?

You can't do that, Mister Lahey.

That's all I have for
me and my kitties!

Shit clock's tickin', Bubs.

For you, your shit rats,
and your shit turd friends.

Crazy drunk bastard.

- What?

Nothing.

What'd you say, Bub?

- I didn't say anything.

Hope they
don't shit on you Bubbles.

Shit on who?

Shit hogs.

Big dirty shit hogs.

They're comin', Bubbles.

They're flying in low.

They're swooping down,
shitting on people,

and dragging them off
to the big shit nest.

- Can't live for shooting later,

you should live
for shooting now.

- See the fuckin' wisdom
he's bestowing already?

Yep.

That is pretty--

Yeah, you can't shoot for
later, you shoot for now.

'Cause she might
not be there later.

That's pretty deep.

- And you would've
wanted to let loose now.

- Fuck.

It happens.

He's tempting me,
he's tempting me.

I'm not tempting you.

No, I mean you're
almost making me say,

fuck, I better do this!

- Yeah, fuck it.

You're not gonna get
on a fucking skate board.

Julian, I think I might.

You're not, man.

You will kill yourself.

- Do you think?

- These guys are professionals.

You don't, like, you've
never been on a skate board.

Not exactly, but--

You'd kill yourself, man.

I understand the physics of it.

You gonna go for it?

- I think I could do it, Ricky.

It doesn't look that hard.

This is hard as fuck, man.

It's just a
board with wheels on it.

Yeah, you
need balance though, man.

No I don't, but
you just kind of do this.

You guys are fucked.

I think it
pretty much does it itself.

You guys are totally
fucked if you think you can.

Go ahead and try it.

I'm pretty sure
if you just do this,

the board does most of the work.

- Go for it, go for it.

Exactly, exactly.

You got her, Bubs.

For beginners, you wanna
have one board for each foot.

Step up, Bub.

Oh, I know that's not true.

I know they're
fucking with me there.

Somebody's a pussy.

- It's all right if you
don't want to do it.

Worse things happen at sea.

You could get
splashed by a wave,

a mermaid could get ya.

Or you could get
fucked by a dude.

Just get low, like this.

Get low, put your
knees out like that,

and just go for it.

- You know what's nice.

When it's empty, you don't
have to worry about drowning.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, that's a good point.

That's something
Ricky would say, man.

Fuck.

Bottoms up!

Suck a dick.

This is "Dear
Julian", I'm Julian.

I'm gonna give you guys
some advice you can use,

and if it helps ya, that's fine.

If it doesn't help ya, I
really don't give a fuck.

All right, first
question is from Amanda.

Dear Julian, what can
I do about assholes

that drive their shitty,
loud cars down my road

when I'm trying
to sleep at night?

Amanda, you know
what you should do?

Not a fuckin' thing.

You're gonna have to
deal with it, okay?

Ricky, he had this guy

that fucking complained
about his car.

Ricky, he went into a mission

to drive this guy fucking crazy.

Like you know, it's gonna
go from loud car at night,

to you gettin' flamin' shit bags

thrown at your fuckin' house
in the middle of the night.

You know, your tires
will be flattened.

It's gonna turn into
a fuckin' nightmare,

so I'm just saying.

This loud car could
be Ricky, who knows.

If it's a guy like Ricky, you
don't want to fuck with them.

Okay, this is from Tony Estes.

I'm getting older, my sex
drive isn't what it used to be.

Do you have any advice on
how to stay more frisky?

Tony, don't like, Jesus.

And don't say J-Roc'c pornos,

I've seen them like
a thousand times.

All right, Tony.

Like don't ask me questions

how to get you
frisky, all right?

That's fucked.

That's a very fucked
up thing to ask me.

But man, I mean.

Advice?

Go to the strip
clubs a bit more.

Go unload some cash to get
some lap dances or you know,

some shit, a bit shit
in the back room.

And that's about it, man.

I mean you're already jackin'
to a lot of J-Roc's porns,

which is really fucked
up if you ask me,

'cause his porns suck,

and some of them have
Ricky and Bubbles in them.

So, I don't know, man.

Hit the strip clubs, dude.

Get some lap dances.

I'm gonna live a
healthy life style.

That's right, I'm
gonna eat more beef.

What are you
talkin' about, Randy?

I'm talking about my New
Year's Resolutions for 2017,

Mr. Lahey.

Fuckin' miserable.

Yeah, no.

You've gotta make yourself a
little bit better, Mr. Lahey.

So I'm gonna lead
a healthy style.

Healthy, and I'm gonna
eat more beef, more bacon,

but less buns.

'Cause Mr. Lahey says the
gluten can add extra weight

in your later years.

I'm starting to
get a little older,

so I gotta watch my bun intake.

It's better to add more
beef and more bacon.

Randy, fuck off.

- And less buns.

That way you got the protein,

Who you talkin' to, Randy?

We're doing
our show, Mr. Lahey.

I tried to wake you
up for frick's sakes.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the show.

Oh, are we gonna do karaoke?

Let's do karaoke!

Okay.

- Okay.

Woof, woof, woof.

No, you're supposed
to have notes.

You're supposed to have.

Oh fuck, Randy.

Mr. Lahey, how much did
you friggin' drink anyway?

I haven't even started drinking.

It's not even New
Years yet, Randy.

It's almost New Years.

It's New Years!

Fuckin' New Years everybody!

But Mr. Lahey, I
didn't get finished

with my New Year's Resolutions.

I've gotta eat more vegetables,

which means more onion rings!

Onion rings are good roughage,
they help ya poo poo.

- Randy.

It's wonderful.

And this is the very
important one, Mr. Lahey.

All right.

I'm gonna be, trying to
be more tolerant of Ricky.

'Cause Ricky makes me
really friggin' mad.

He does things like
pisses in my shoes,

and if I just take it back
and be the better man--

- Randy.

I think that I would
get less stressed.

- Randy!

Randy!

Can I see this?

This is Mr. Lahey calling.

Can I see this?

Remember I was gonna
give a $50 hash coin

to Rick the dick?

Yeah, for freaks
sakes, I told you.

But then I saw the
glimp in your eye

'cause you wanted it, Randy?

I didn't give it to him.

It's for you, Randy.

'Cause it's special.

- Oh, Mr. Lahey!

- Tada!

Oh, look at that!

Isn't this wonderful?

A perfect $50 hash coin.

What's that, Randy?

This is my New
Year's Resolution.

What's that, what's that?

Mr. Lahey, the last
thing I'm gonna do--

What's that, Randy?

The last thing I'm gonna do

is I'm gonna treat you
like a king, Mr. Lahey.

You kinda look like a king.

This is to Randy,
from a secret admirer.

- Yeah, that's a letter
I got, Mr. Lahey.

I didn't open it yet.

I got a secret admirer!

It must be a fan
that just likes me.

Randy, you don't
have a secret admirer.

You're Randy boy.

Oh my goodness, there's
coupons in here, Mr. Lahey.

Sexy coupon Man'o'man'o Massage.

What the fuck, Randy?

I don't, mangoes?

Man'o'man'o.

What's the other ones?

- This one here.

100 free burgers!

Look at that,
man'o'man'o burgers.

So many goddamn burgers,
you'll shit your pants.

Well, I don't wanna shit
my pants, Mr. Lahey.

That is huge!

I know.

No one's ever given me anything.

Coupon dolla.

Hot times.

Dela sexual.

Who the fuck gave you this shit?

- 80 minutes man rubbing action.

Bare hand massage administered
the old fashioned way.

- Randy.

This is from you
isn't it, Mr. Lahey?

You're my secret
admirer, aren't ya?

Yeah, I did, Randy.

I bought it for you.

- Super coupon!

Sizzlin' hot meat patties!

Yep, 'cause I love you.

Sizzlin' hot, man.

Yeah, it's good.

Look at this one, Mr. Lahey.

- What is that?

A deep tissue man massage.

- Yeah.

Deep tissue.

I thought you'd
like that, Randy.

- I've got deep tissue.

- We could start a little later.

Mr. Lahey, this
is the nicest gift

that you've ever given me.

- Thanks, Randy.

I appreciate it.

A good mango massage

Okay, look, it's
my turn to talk now.

Okay, Mr. Lahey.

Did you have something
you wanted to finish saying?

I just wanted to tell you that.

I just wanted to give a--

In the New Year,

I'm gonna try to treat you
like a king, Mr. Lahey.

I'm just gonna try to--

Oh, you can have
your chair back.

Is that all you gotta say?

- That's all I have, Mr. Lahey.

- Okay.

What's Billy
Joel's biggest song?

Ricky was singing it
and strutting around.

♪ You may be right

That was it.

♪ You may be crazy

♪ Turn out the lights

♪ Don't try to save me

Yep, Billy Joel.

I wonder if Billy Joel--

I wish we had some helium.

I wish we did too.

- We should have a helium party.

We should.

We should have one.

We should do one of these
with a lot of helium balloons.

- A helium hotbox party.

It's got a nice ring to it.

A helium hotbox laser party.

And dope.

I've got lasers.

- Dope, liquor, helium,
hotbox, laser party.

Let's make up the carrots.

We could order some
fuckin' pizza too.

All right, that's fucked up.

I didn't expect that to be real.

A helium, hotbox, dope, and
liquor, pizza, laser party.

Who wouldn't go to that?

Oh fuck, I'm all over it.

Yeah.

When can we have it?

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Jesus Christ!

Fuck off.