All language subtitles for Trailer.Park.Boys.The.SwearNet.Show.S05E10.Episode.10.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-WhatsBeyond_track3_[eng]

Fuck's wrong with you guys, man?

I don't know, Ricky.

I couldn't fucking get to
sleep. Now I'm fucking tired.

- I've been sort of back to
normal since fucking Terry left.

Thank God.

- Well, yeah and you've
got a heat pop, man.

So it's nice and cool
in this fucking place.

- That's right.

I'm fucking pumped.
I'm rested boys.

Long weekend coming up.

Yes.

- Another long weekend.

No work on Monday.

Barely keep my
fucking eyes open.

Well, have a...

I'm still drunk.

- ...have a nap.

I can't have a nap.

You got a horse
lick in your hair.

A what?

A horse lick. Little
hair sticking up.

Where? Right here.

A horse...

It's a cow lick, Ricky.

Cow lick.

A what?

It's like a Fred Flintstone.

A cow lick.

- Didn't Fred Flintstone
have a thing like a,

No, that was...

- Fred Flintstone never
had a fucking cow lick.

The little rascals.

Bernie had a little
thing going on.

That little freckled face.

Alfalfa.

- A cow lick or a colic?
Or a c-call...? Colic?

Cow lick.

A cow lick, like a cow
licked your fucking head.

And his spit made
your hair stick up.

Wouldn't a horse
do the same thing?

- Yeah, but horse licks
not the same, Ricky.

It's a different,

The hair stays down
instead of going up.

- Bernie rubble had a cow lick.

He did, that's that's
what I was talking about.

And fucking bad little fucker.

- Alfalfa didn't
have a cow lick.

He had a, She was
sticking straight up.

- That was, now.

- He had it in the back.

I was with gel.

- Do I gotta prove this?

Well, who's am I thinking of

that's in the front?
Peewee Herman?

Unicorn.

Fucking space boy or
something, Isn't it?

Rocket Boy?

Astro boy. Astro.

Astro boy. He had
a little squiggle.

Oh, he had a fucking
thing coming up like that.

He looked like a knob.

You wanted it to
look like a knob.

I knew that was coming.

Alfalfa. Where was
Alfalfa's sprig at?

In the back.

Goes in his back.

Google it. Alfalfa sprig.

That's a good band
name. Alfalfa sprig.

Get ready to fucking feel
a little runny, my friend.

- Runny.

- Runny.

Runny. What's that mean?

- Fucking runny.

I'm telling you. It's
right in the back.

Where is it?

Right in the fucking...

In the back there. Well,
whose was at the front?

Oh, Ed Grimley.

I'm thinking of Ed Grimley.

Who the fuck is Ed Grimley?

Ed Grimley.

He had a ca that came down
like if I like a vampire,

it didn't stick up.

He's a grandfather guy.

Ed Grimley punching Ed
Grimley to your spark box.

He's in a bunch of commercials.

Used to wear overalls.

No, Ricky, that's, that's
what's his fucking name?

Oh yeah yeah yeah
yeah. I know you.

Ed Grimley. He's, You
don't know who Ed Grimley is.

That's, He was a
classic character man.

Back in the day. Yes.

Short character on
Saturday Night Live.

You're thinking
of Edward Brimley.

Oh yes.

Holy fuck.

- Ed Grimley and Ed Brimley.
- I never, Is it Ed Brimley?

Wilford Brimley.

Wilford Brimley.

- Fuck.

How the did you get Ed Grimley?

You know what Ricky,

Ricky hated this
fucking guy, didn't he?

Ed Grimley?

- Couldn't stand this guy cause
he wore his pants so high.

I thought it was
a weird character.

But then I found it
was just a character.

I thought it was a real
guy and I was like,

this guy's fucked.

- Ama. Say remember who
you say that Ama say.

Oh God, I got something
going on with my elbow.

- What did you do to it?

Well, it's not tennis elbow.

Cause I don't play tennis.

But is.

Is it jacking elbow?

That's what I was wondering.

Is there such a thing?

There's totally such
thing as Jack elbow.

Oh wow.

And you got it. You
always get in prison too.

- Fuck.

Like how many times do you
beat off in prison a day?

Like seriously.

- It depends what's going on.
- How much partying we're doing.

- How much partying we're doing?

Okay. So if we're doing
more partying with the boys,

you get more excited.

What? Yeah.

What equals more
jacking. More partying.

- Or less partying?
- No, less partying.

Less partying and
equals more jacking.

- Yeah. Cause when you're bored.

Yeah, bored and horny.

So if say your average
bored outta your mind day,

how many times are you cranking?

- Is this something we
should be talking about?

No, we, I know the answer
cause we counted at one time.

What do you think the answer is?

It's not more than three, is it?

Way up there, buddy.

- What?

That's before fucking breakfast.

No.

Yes.

I've never done more
than two before breakfast.

You yanked her 27
times in one night.

- That's never happened.

- That's when you woke up to
when you fell asleep; 27 times.

- No way. Never done that much.

The boys counted it.

No. He might
have attempted it.

Yeah, he couldn't.

No, I think he did.

This is what way back when.

He would probably be dead.

No, I think we were
like 21 or something.

Your bag would fall
right off your body.

- Well, you did it, man.

You just can't keep
up with production.

There would be dust.

- Well.

- Gosh.

You was still yanking her.

That's yeah. After 20 times,

just be like a little
puff of something.

- Jesus Christ.

- Dust.

Okay. No, I've
never gotten there.

But I do have jacking
elbow for sure.

What do you have
on your smart box?

Alright. I've been a little
stressed out lately, so no.

Looking this up. There's
a way of relieving stress.

You gotta scream.

You start screaming every
night before you go to bed.

- You think that's news?

Well, yeah.

Yeah, it is news.

Who does that?

John Lennon did it.

He took a whole
fucking course in it.

Okay, well over.

- Primal scream.

Check this out. You you walk
rolling down the street in,

in Sweden.

This is what you'll hear at
like 10 o'clock at night.

Normal. Totally normal.

Can I get a copy of that?

That's a lot of
people screaming.

One guy just said fuck.

I don't think that's normal.
I think they're just doing...

No, man.

It's like everywhere
they do it...

Maybe it's why after you
bang, you sleep better.

Because you screaming noise.

You scream when you bang, Ricky?

Sometimes.

- Well, yeah, I suppose
I've heard that's,

I've heard you scream again.

We've heard a lot
of screaming jail.

They're at a fun
house or something.

No, man, this is, fucking

this is university.

They've been doing this
since the seventies.

- Well, I know you're
stressed, dude, Julian.

And a few days ago when I was
doing those mushrooms this,

this guy started talking to me
and he said he wants to come

spend some time at your
house, try to cheer you up.

What the fucking beaver?

- Bobby Beaver.

What the, shut the fuck

Why would I want that
in my fucking house?

- Bobby Beaver.

He'll cheer you up.

How?

He's like a friend.

How does this cheer somebody up?

Slap his tail and
you'll find out.

Good to see you too.

Get in here, get in here.

- Ricky!

Hey, Pops.

Oh my fuck boys.

I thought you were dead.

Holy fuck, Ricky, you
look like Bob Ross.

What happened to your hair?

Who?

Bob Ross.

Who the fuck is Bob Ross?

- The painter. It
doesn't matter. Ricky,
are you guys right?

I've been trying to get a
hold of you for fucking weeks.

Why do they call him a
painter? He must do other shit.

He might just cook. Mean
He doesn't call him a cook.

- What? It's, he's just,
That's what does Ricky,

he paints pictures.

He's Robs Bob. He's been
like this the entire time.

The entire fucking time.

- What's wrong with you, Ricky?

I feel good. It's
just, it was weird.

It was weird.

- What's weird?

Just like, Is this real
or am I asleep right now?

Are you on drugs, Ricky?

No. He's, he's not
on fucking drugs.

That's the problem.

This is real, right?

You guys were in solitary
that whole fucking time.

Yes.

Yes. But right now we're not.

Right? That's, This is real.

Oh my God. Ricky, you're
losing your fucking mind.

No, no.

I feel good. I feel really good.

My mind's good.

- You're not making any
sense though, Ricky.

You don't sound like yourself.
You don't look like yourself.

Couple weird things
now. Like I've been here.

I hear trees fall in the forest.

Remember they asked
that question?

If a tree falls in the forest,

does anybody hear it?

This guy. Sometimes
even hear like...

What fucking tree
are you talking about?

Sometimes I hear a big
tree fall and it fucking,

there's a little bunny rabbit
or something and it's looking

up at it. It doesn't.

It doesn't. It's not looking up.

It should been looking
up at it. It wasn't.

The tree comes down
and guts. It crushed.

I hear that noise.

Which is not a pleasant noise.

Joel, can I talk
to you in private?

Put the phone up to
your ear for a second.

What in the fuck is going on?

He's lost his fucking mind.

Sometimes when
the tree comes down,

it'll crush a new tree.

The new tree's down there
just going whimper on.

He's been doing this nonstop
man day and fucking night

day and fucking night.

There's no one there
to lift the tree off

the little trees.

- You gotta tell him to fucking,

you gotta get him
to the infirmary.

What do you think I've
been trying to fucking do for

65 fucking days straight?

65 days, all day
all fucking night.

Well, I'm gonna go to
Steve Rogers and report this.

You gotta get us
the fuck out of here.

I'm telling you man,

I'm about to fucking crack.

Okay.

I had to threaten grandma
fingers just to get in here.

It's not gonna be
good for any of us.

Plants need
sunlight, don't they?

Julian?

I had to threaten
Grandma fingers

just to get to see you guys.

Okay, well you're
gonna have to fucking

take it up a notch
then. Get us...

He threatened me and he
said, if I'm back in here.

With your problems right
now, Okay, I'm sorry.

What's he say about he's
nothing. He's don't worry.

He search you, man.

How many fingers does he use?

Ricky? Hey, I don't
wanna talk about that.

Hey, hey, that's enough.

He didn't search me today.

Look boys, I'm gonna, I'm
going to, I don't know,

but I'm gonna go to the
newspapers or whatever because

nobody should be in solitary
that long. He's gone crazy.

What? Shame.

What came first? Cause you
might know letters or numbers,

right?

- Ricky.

- How do you, how do you
answer things like this?

I think it's just every
thought that he has,

he's now saying them
out of his mouth.

Where normally they would
just be inside his head.

- Just sign weird things.
- Isn't so many weird names.

- And things just stuck. Ricky,

take a few deep breaths and
just try to not listen to the

voice talking in your head.

Electricity. Really?

- What about it?

I know.

Joel, you have
to watch over him.

You hear that?

Get us the fuck outta here.

Just, You fucking tell them

he needs to be in
the hospital and

monitored 24/7.

He could fucking lop his
hand off or something.

I don't care what
you have to do.

How much it is gonna cost.

Talk to fuck face and
get us outta here.

- I'll go see Steinberg.
I promise you.

You're getting outta here.

I promise you okay.

Huh, Bubs.

Wait, I gotta go take
him and put him to bed.

No, I'm not.

I have nothing to do
with what happens to him.

As soon as we leave here, okay?

It's not real.
And it's not real.

Not real. Nothing's real.

Ricky. I knew there's
trees falling.

Keep an eye on him.

Blueberries.

I can't handle this man.

Keep an eye on him.

All of the boys.

Oh, the boys.

You guys looking for
some free drinks?

Well, they've got lots of
liquorments here for you.

Hey, how you doing?

Hey Julian, Julian.

Julian, don't call
for fuck's sakes.

You get a chance
to say hi to a guy

and he just fucking walks off.

Never mind, that was
a little liquor search

that was just subpoenaing.

Here's the thing about alcohol.
When you bring it alcohol,

when you do bring an alcohol,
that was Julian by the way.

Fucking sexy Julie.

I forget my point.

Oh yeah.

The shit line.

This could be the start
of the lecture right now.

Maybe we should go back to
both the grain with the liquor

for a sec. Green with liquor
is just a diff kind of liquor.

Now sometimes you
get two liquors that
are exactly identical

in the effect that they
have on your penopsis.

But here's the thing.

If you drink a different
kind of liquor and you mix it

just right,

you get a whole bunch
of insights that
you shouldn't shake

about. Nobody would,
anybody, and excuse me,

I wanted to show you,

I brought a visual thing because
there's certain times that

what you do is if
you have a prop,

it abates the point and
people get, they get the idea.

If you show 'em, like see this.

Here's the shit line. This
is shit line number one.

This one right here.

This is a fucking cig that I
have had since January 1st.

January the first I gave
up because at smoking,

you know why? Months
and months ago.

And guess why?

Cause I'm over 70
fucking years old

and I know where
my shit line is.

I'm lucky enough. I got no
ball cancer, no bum cancer, no.

Little later, no Dicky daggy.

Nothing in my lungs of
the shows for again,

I still got all my teeth even
No, Coke is my mix of choice.

However, there is a shit
line and one has to,

at one time or another,
take care of themself.

I just wanna tell you about
this guy and this little true

touch story.

And it was just a little
bit away from my house.

And this guy spilled a whole
bunch of gasoline on the floor

and he pulled out a vacuum
cleaner and he sucked up the

gasoline for the vacuum cleaner.

I didn't get a chance to ask
him if he remembered anything

about it, but that was
a definite shit line.

There are all kinds of
different varieties of shit line

that we all have
to bear. Abadence.

Adaya. The liquor is the liquor.

The shit line of the liquor is

don't be around people that you

can offend unless it's Randy.
Cause he I, he forgives me.

Don't drive a car. Have no
fucking car keys around,

like that kind of shit.

Oh, I'll tell you,
here's another shit line.

This is about a young guy,

and this is true just down
from us. Come in stole,

little moped stole everybody's
shit from the neighborhood.

And the cops, they kept catching
them and letting them go.

They kept catch, catching them.

They'd go to was little
fucking hoard in the woods.

And there would be fucking
big screen TV now fuck

because a little cocksucker

wouldn't even cover this
over. Little fucking

17-year-old little
shit fucking weasel.

You know, there's nothing
fucking worse than a thief.

That's all I'm saying,
that you can lie.

Let people, if it's
creative, it's okay.

Well, if it doesn't
hurt anything,

but there's a whole bunch of
rules in that. But this guy,

this guy was a little con chef.

Bad. I'll tell you, he
crossed the shit line.

You know why? Because about
a week after he turned 18,

the cops asked him to drop
down police station for a

repeating matter. Guess what?

He's fucking behind
bars right now.

He's gonna be for a while

cause they saved
all that shit up and

they gave it to him as
an adult. There you go.

Okay,

so we're just gonna have one
more little sip and which is

good toast to the
whole new world and,

and let's not be small about
it. Let's not be small.

Let us include everybody,

including in the South
Institute of these.

Let's include the four
countries in Africa,

where millions of people are
gonna be starvation to death.

Let's include the Ukrainians
who still fighting for their

home. Let's include everybody.

The North Koreans
who don't know shit

because they live in a fucking

dictatorship with
that Joe Kim Mill

high guy with a hair.

Remember you had that haircut?
All the guys are on the dope.

Cool having one of the
Joe Aly Kiki fuckers.

Anyway, that's, that's
a different time
for a different day.

We'll talk about it some other
time. But in the meantime.

Ricky get in a fucking
a better mood, would you?

Why? Just can't,

Please swear it's making us
go to this cooking show, man.

And I hate cooking shows.

Probably makes some stupid
chocolate salmon goddamn thing.

That nobody's
gonna fucking like.

This isn't like a normal
cooking show though, Ricky

These guys, they cook great
big crazy fucking things.

Whole like. They'll make a
fucking lasagna in a dishwasher.

- What?

I asked them to make
me a cheeseburger,

an epic cheeseburger.

- You shut the fuck up.

Shut up. Randy.

- Are you excited, Bubs?

- Yes. I'm very excited.

- I'm glad somebody is.

Los Angeles. We're
in Los Angeles,

California right now.

Monkey Tires up there,

zooming along in a fancy car.

Boys are here.

Randy's not smelling
very good in the heat.

But other than
that, I'm excited.

Okay, boys, this is it.

Well, I hope to
fuck this is okay.

- Well, you know, don't
act like a fucking dick.

Okay? These guys are supposed
to be good guys, man.

Well, they're good guys.

I'll be a good guy.
We'll just see, won't we?

They're giving us
free fucking booze.

Don't be a fucking dick.

Well, maybe they have smoke.

Maybe they don't. Maybe they're.

Maybe they most
likely has smoke.

Everybody smokes dobo here.

Well, let's fucking go in.

I'm sick of sitting here.

- We'll be back in a bit, Randy.

No, I'm coming in, guys.

The fuck you are.

Let him come in.

Wow, they have grass here.

Of course they, why wouldn't
they fucking have grass here?

- Well, it's just far
away from where we live.

I didn't know if they
have all the same stuff.

Ricky, let me out, man.

The fuck are these big
things? Is that an apple?

It's a lime.

It's not a line. Look at it.

It's a lime tree.

Let's, will you shut
up in there, Randy,

- Just have a nap or something.
How does this thing work?

Oh fuck. I gotta,

so I'm supposed to carry this
fucking thing around all day.

Just for a little bit, bud.

Oh, shouldn't you?

You're the camera fella.

I don't want to carry
this fucking thing around.

- Let's go do this guys.

Ow, fuck.

Frigging truck.

- Let's go eat. You
got a leaf on your gut?

- What the fuck leaves?

- I hope we're not
just intruding into
somebody's home here.

I don't see any roaches,
boys, just cigarettes.

Don't worry about it.

Fucking better.

Let's just, we just walk in.

Just do a little knockeepoo.

Got some nice fancy
shoes on there, Randy.

I know. This is
the house, isn't it?

- Why do they call it
the birds and the bees?

I mean, I get the birds.

We have birds, but I've never
called the other part of.

That's a good question cause
birds and bees don't do it.

- Yeah.

- Where does that look that up?

The birds.

And where does the term
birds and bees come from?

- Okay.

This, today's just
all about Google.

- Does birds and bees come from.

We're changing the.

A lot of people are
asking this question

if it just pops up, right?

- We're changing
that expression.

Okay. So to explain the
mechanics of reproduction

to younger children relying on

the imagery of bees pollinating

and eggs hatching to
substitute for more technical

explanations of sexual
fucking intercourse.

Bees pollinating.

- Yeah.

What the fuck are
you talking about?

- The birds hatching?
- That's a terrible analogy.

- That was horrible man.

- That's what it, where
it comes a here, Ricky.

I never even made
the connection.

How is a little kid going to?

I'm, Yeah.

There's a lot of
reading involved here.

Just let me think about
this for a second.

Basically, you're like,

so do I shove my bird and a
bee? Or what do I do here?

Do I rub my wiener on a
flower? What goes on here?

Whoa. This is
even a worse one.

I, Yeah, no, this is fucked.

Let's go for a
more modern fucking.

I thought maybe
the the bee is like,

because he's using a stinger
to get some something going.

Like sting the bird or.

Sting the bird.

He doesn't sting, sting
the bird though, Ricky.

That's a weird fucking analogy.

Okay. The mechanics.

Good consequences of sexual
intercourse through reference to

easily observed natural events.

A bee carries and deposits
the pollen on a flower, right?

- With his bird?

Well, he's got a stinger,

which is kind of like
a somebody's dick.

He doesn't even use a
stinger for that. Does he?

Don't know. Don't think so.

But his is going
in. No, I don't.

I don't fucking know.

Male fertilization. Of example,

Birds lay eggs in a similar
visible fucking way.

And this is fucked.

Then it goes into
female ovulation.

And give us a simple
fucking explanation.

- I'm officially
banning that expression.

Yeah, don't say.

- Okay, we don't say it anymore.

Nope. What's the new term
for birds and the bees, Ricky?

I don't know. I
need to smoke a joint.

Then it'll come to me.

You can keep birds.

- Birds and the.

- Birds and places you put them.

- Birds and caves. Birds
fly into the caves.

They go in they.

Birds and nests.

Birds and a nest.

Birds. And.

Sometimes it's not nest
though, cause they shave.

All right, Urban dictionary.

This is might have it.

Oh yeah. Cause
that's such a reliable

source of information.

Is it? Or isn't it?

No.

Oh, just any, Everybody's.

- Got the same stupid
explanation of it, man.

We're banning it. It's done.

We're gonna change it. You
don't have a new saying.

Here. It's a natural thing
and not a dumb by damnation.

What the fuck?

- Your urban dictionary,
any fucking whack job

with a computer can
put up a definition

on the urban dictionary.

Me? Could I?

Yes.

I'm gonna start.

I think you should, Ricky,

we will get you a profile and
you can start putting up the

meanings of words.

What's the most fucked
up word you can think of,

Ricky? That you always
wondered what it meant.

I don't know. I
don't know big words.

What's the biggest one you know?

Can you think of one?

Mm.

- Deoxyribonucleic Acid.

Is that a word?

Yes. What is it?

Don't know.

RNA, isn't it DNA. RNA. DNA.

What is it? DNA.

DNA. What's that stand for?

Deoxyribonucleic acid.

That's a big word I know.

Is that it?

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

- I know. Okay.

There's a word.

That's the biggest one I know.

Okay. That's the
biggest word Ricky knows.

Second biggest word would
be probably dictionary.