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Warning, The following program contains

really coarse language, weed, alcohol consumption,

smoking, and sexual inferences.

This content may not be suitable for viewers under 18.

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- Welcome Back.

All right I've got a little competition with you guys.

- A competition?

Yep.

How many...

Whoever gets closest, without going over, wins something.

How many bras do you think are made a day?

- Bras?

- Bras or bros?

Bras.

How many are made every day?

Every day.

- Well.

20 Million.

Jesus Christ, Bubs.

- What?

Are you fucking kidding me?

20 million? That's your guess?

That's a lot.

That's a lot of bras.

- I guess that's a lot. - Every day, man.

Yeah, okay. I'm thinking every year.

140 a week, not 40 million a week.

Who, is this one company or total?

It is total, man.

- I'd say it had to be a million.

A million? I'm gonna say two million.

- Okay, 2 million. - What's your guess?

- I'm just gonna say one and a half million.

One and a half. You are the winner. Here you go my friend.

Yes! What does that mean?

- Pepper Shaker. - It's the dinosaur.

- This is mine.

Well, it's just a gift.

It's yours now for... He almost got it.

All right, so it's mine again. He almost won it.

I won it back.

- What was the answer? - What's the answer?

4 Million.

Then I won.

- No, you went over it with 20.

I said two.

He said 1.5.

Yeah, I said two.

I thought you said one?

No, I... Give me it.

Okay, okay your first guess was one.

I should get another guess. then.

- Okay.

The answer's 4 million?

- 19... - 4 million.

Oh shit. 4 million?

4 million.

That's mine.

- Fuck.

Okay, Okay.

Now I lost my pepper shaker.

I love this pepper shaker.

It's yours buddy.

Here's a fact I didn't know.

You know, starfish. You know what those are?

Everybody knows what a fucking starfish is, man.

- Yeah. - Guess what they don't have?

A fucking brain, so...

Oh yeah. They're not really... yeah, I knew that.

Corey and Jacob and Trevor are probably part starfish.

And, their great, great, great...

Could also be...

Grandfather or grandmother,

Part of the chain.

Could have been a starfish, boys.

You can't. Ricky, you can't be related to a starfish.

- What? You know what would happen if Ray banged a starfish?

- You couldn't bang a starfish.

I know, but what would happen if Ray would bang,

if he banged one, and you caught him and it got pregnant...

- The poor little thing... - Wouldn't come out?

You know what, he wouldn't even know.

Yes.

- He wouldn't even know, though.

'Cause he doesn't have a brain.

It's not really...

- That's right.

You couldn't bang a starfish, anyway.

You could get banged by one, but you could not bang one.

- A starfish. How's the starfish gonna bang?

Well, he's got five things.

No, that would be arming you, man.

It wouldn't be fucking...

- Well, it would be his form of banging you.

No, it wouldn't, man.

He could bang five people at once.

But how do they know what to do?

How do they get through life?

A little brain.

I can't, I can't wrap my head around it.

They have, They're not like a real thing, Ricky.

It's not like...

- But they are. - They move and they,

Ricky, you can totally wrap your brain around this, man.

They have no brain, yet they can grow a leg back.

Figure that one out.

It's all just...

Or, is it an arm?

- DNA, genetics, stuff.

- Are they arms or legs?

They're... Hmm.

What are they, man?

They're star...

- Limbs?

Star-limbs.

Pendants?

Appendages.

- Appendages. - Starfish appendages.

That was pretty smart, man.

I actually said pendants, I fucked up.

He said pendants.

Okay. Well, you were...

He triggered me to say appendages.

Well, the fact...

That's what I'm good at.

See, that's what I'm good at. Saying a word that's close

and then you get the right word.

That brings me up to speed.

That's one of my strengths in life.

- That's why we're a good team.

'Cause I know the real words. I just can't think of them.

And he thinks he knows the real words, but he doesn't.

- Bubs. - Woo!

It's too deep, man. Way too deep.

- What are you... - What are we doing?

Why?

I don't know, man.

You guys hear about, fucking...

That guy in the Disneyland, Paris Edition.

This guy?

- Yeah. I heard about him, man.

Yeah, I know exactly what you're about to say.

Oh, fuck off. I'm telling a story, man.

This dude from Switzerland, right?

He takes acid and goes to Disneyland, Paris.

That's a bad idea.

- Freaks out. Falls in the Adventure Land Lake.

Then takes off, they can't find him.

No way!

So, his girlfriend's freaking out going,

"What the fuck, where's my boyfriend?"

He is on acid and he's lost his fucking mind.

So, he fell in a lake, or...

- He fell in a lake, and then he jumped out,

and then he took off, and then they took...

Everybody had to find him, then.

They had to get like helicopters in with the HeatSeekers.

What did he use his fan? Did he...

He took off his clothes.

Maybe, he vaporized.

- Vaporized? No, man. He took off his clothes.

I've been there. I've been there. Man, it sucks.

He must have had a wild ride.

- What was it, 130 hours later, or something.

- It's microdot.

They found him by the Pirates of the Caribbean.

I'm sorry, that's blotter,

- Naked.

Well, how was he running around naked,

and nobody could find him?

He was hiding, man.

- He was probably covering himself in mud.

Camouflage, turned into Rambo.

That's what he was doing.

I've been there, man.

It's a fucking weird trip

You used to run through the fucking woods, man.

Sometimes you take blotter, and you're like,

"Okay, this is nothing, nothing happened.

I'm gonna take another one."

And then, you're running through the woods.

Holy fuck.

Then next thing you know,

you're running through the woods naked

and trying to get away from these things

that are chasing you.

And you can't control anything.

Imagine being at Disneyland.

That would blow your fucking mind.

- See now, I have to put that on my bucket list.

- You're not gonna do that, man.

- Ricky.

- They had like 80 people searching for this fucking guy.

He got in trouble. - Yeah, but in his mind,

he had 80 people trying to fucking kill him.

So, he is trying to do his best not to get fucking found.

- Well, Yeah, that's true. - It was probably their fault.

He thought he was getting hunted.

The helicopters...

Cocksucker!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, you son of a whore!

What's going on, Bubs?

- I'm trying to get the wheel off this cart,

but it's got a five 32nd notch and I don't have my sockets.

I can't find the fucking things.

Somebody was fucking with my tools,

and it's a thousand fucking degrees out, today.

And I'm just, I miss Ricky and Julian, and I'm stressed out.

- Hey, Bubbles!

How's it going?

- It's going all right. What are you saying?

I don't know, much.

Get outta my shed, Randy. What are you doing?

Oh, I'm looking for Trinity and Jacob.

Have you seen them?

Turn down the valley at Jacob's mother's place?

Jacob's raking blueberries for the summer.

Frig sakes.

Oh, Man.

What do you want?

Well, I haven't collected lot fees from him in like...

Three frigging months, it's been.

- Apparently. That's my fucking problem, it it?

- It's not your problem Bubbles, but I mean,

I gotta collect the money.

Well, I don't know what to tell you.

They're not coming back for another month or two.

According to fucking Jacob.

Well, listen, I want you to go take this to Ricky for me.

Would you please? 'Cause you always go see him in jail.

What it is?

It's an eviction notice.

I'm not taking that to Ricky. You can't evict Ricky.

What are you talking about?

- Well, it's been three months, for frigs sakes.

- Well, he's in jail. He can't pay his lot fees.

That's not my problem, Bubbles.

I mean, lot fees are due and it's... you know?

Randy, you and your little frosted tips,

take that down to Ricky yourself.

Why are you doing this?

What's that all about?

Frosted? Well, guys downtown said it makes me look tough,

if I got the V and the handlebar mustache.

- I'm just gonna give you a little tip, okay?

It does not make you look tough.

Makes me look like Sam Elliot. You know, Roadhouse?

It makes you look more like Yosemite Sam

after he ate a fucking beach ball.

Look, you skip the down to jail without yourself.

If you want to try to evict Ricky, bring it to him yourself.

But, you know what he's gonna say?

He's gonna tell you to suck the lot fees out of his cock.

So, if that's the abuse you want to take, Randy,

head on down, bud.

For frigs sakes, Bubbles Thanks for nothing.

- Oh, hey Randy.

What's up?

Hi, Sir. I'm here to see Ricky.

I have to drop this form off to him.

Ricky. Okay. I'll get you to sign in,

and I'm going have to give you a quick pat-down.

One second.

This'll just take a second. Randy.

Arms up.

Arms up.

All right. You are clean.

In fact, you smell real clean.

What is that Aqua Velva, or barbecue sauce,

or a little bit of both?

- Cheeseburgers.

- Oh, very nice.

Yeah. Charcoal.

Okay, man. Well, listen, go on in.

Behave yourself.

There's security cameras everywhere and I'm always watching.

Don't forget.

That's it.

I thought there would be a little bit more

than just a pat-down, I mean...

Oh, well...

Don't people keister drugs in here?

Isn't that what they do?

Yeah. I mean, we've had some problems.

There's stuff going in and out.

I've never searched you before, have I?

And, I'm thinking you're in and outta here a fair bit.

Maybe, we should take this to the next level,

I'm thinking...

Well, yeah. If you need to search me,

I understand, that's your job.

- Listen, I don't like doing it.

But, in this situation,

you're acting a little bit weird, to be honest.

Talking about drugs coming in and outta here.

Well. If it'll make you feel better.

And you know, you can search away.

Ah, it would make me feel better

in a lot of ways, actually.

Come on in. Come on in. - All right. Okay.

Right,

Let's get this done.

Yeah, let's get this done.

We can take our time, a little, I guess.

Not a huge rush today.

Gloves or no gloves?

And, if I don't mind saying so there's nothing like

the feeling of skin on skin, as far as I'm concerned,

but it's up to you.

Whatever you prefer, actually, you know.

Yeah. I'd say hands up here, if you can,

and drawers down. Sorry, I have to do this.

Great. No, that's, that's fine.

This is your job. You've gotta be careful.

- Yep. Okay, Now you're gonna just sing...

Hum your favorite song, here.

You're gonna feel some pressure.

Oh, Yes.

Here we go.

- Maybe a little deeper.

You get into the camp at all doing any fishing or...

I caught a big bass. Oh!

Is that one or two?

- Did... - What about any deer?

You seen any deer?

I haven't seen any deer. No. No.

Oh boy. You do it good, that's for sure.

Ah, I take a lot of pride in my job.

One sec. We're almost done here.

Okay, Now just one sec.

Maybe to the right, a little.

All right. Now listen, I'm gonna whip and I'm out.

Oh, there you go.

All right. Nothing there.

You sure? Sure you checked deep enough?

Yeah, I did. I was up to...

Damn near up to my elbow. Okay, Pull your drawers up.

Everything's cool.

- You're good at your job, I must say. And...

Well, thank you.

Okay, go on in.

Right, okay.

Oh, look, who it fucking is.

Who the fuck did you blow to get me out of solitary?

Ricky, I have bad news for you?

- Bring it on, fuckface.

- Trinity and Jacob. - They've been avoiding me.

- No wonder. You stink.

- Lot fees. They're due. It's been three months.

No one's paying.

And you're evicted according to this paper, right here.

Check it out.

Eviction notice.

Okay, Randy. Fair enough.

Oh shit. You can't gimme that through the glass.

So, I guess I'm not evicted.

You are evicted, Ricky.

Don't think you're not.

You know what? I'll come down here every frigging day.

- Is that right?

Yeah, and I'll tell you and remind you

that you're evicted, unless you make frigging arrangements,

for frigs sakes.

- No. You won't.

'Cause I'm gonna have you blocked from coming to visit me.

So, I guess I'm never evicted.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't have me blocked.

Why, Randy?

Well...

- You want to come here?

Well, yeah.

I like some of the guards

and the conversations that we have,

and you know, I don't mind coming here at all.

How about you keep me on your visitation list,

and I'll come here and I won't even bother you

about the lot fees. How's that sound?

Doesn't even make sense, Randy, but it does make sense.

Just light a little candle in the dark.

It's Jim Lahey,

with another one of my exciting Liquor Stories.

Today, I'm gonna tell you about the first drink

that I ever had of alcohol.

I was nine years old.

Now, for those you people who know me as a...

What's a fucking drink I can get here?

I'm gonna save that for later.

Can I get a drinky-poo here?

Waiters!

Oh, wait a sec.

Here's a...

Look at that.

I'm not gonna fucking ruin that.

That'll be another story where the Confederate Army

attacks the fucking aliens from outer space.

Hey, anyway...

I'm gonna just break this open now, anyway, just for now.

This is Jim Beam. This is an incredible alcohol.

This, you know, it's a bourbon.

You can't be bourboned unless you're USA'd,

because in the good old USA,

two years, you gotta fucking just...

You gotta age this, in Kentucky, is the place.

Kentucky is the place for the bourbon, baby.

Kentucky is the place for me.

'Cause the groundwater is sweet and clear.

Hope they don't do any fracking there.

Anyway, you know what I'm...

Guess what?

There's four rules for drinking bourbon.

I'm gonna start with number one.

Number one, see how dark that is?

See, you can see how dark that is.

The darker the better for bourbon.

Rule number one.

Rule number two, you check the nose.

You don't have to be flippy-floppy about it, you just.

You gotta keep your mouth open,

'cause if you don't, you'll burn your nasal lockers.

Rule number three,

This is something that you're gonna be really happy with.

I'm gonna teach you something that

can impress all your friends and neighbors.

It's called the Kentucky Jew.

What you do is you put, you go like this...

And, you roll it around in your mouth, so that all the

different parts of your mouth,

from your uvula to your testicles, down to your pancreas

That's how you do the Kentucky Jew.

And, then the last step of all is...

You assess the finish. It's incredible.

This is the most wonderful drink.

And it's... Jacob Beam 1795, brewed up the first.

He's a bourbon immigrant.

Here's to you! Skull, Bacob Jean.

You gotta win your skull.

You gotta fucking drink your drink, Jim, don't be stupid.

Anyway, I was telling you the first drink I ever had

was nine years old and I had my own...

When I was six years old, I had my own lemonade stand,

and I put all my money together,

and I bought my own Redrock Wagon

and I took the Redrock Wagon and I had rakes and shit.

And I was doing stuff, like I had my own lawn care business.

Grade nine. No, I was grade three.

And I put up a pity poster on the bulletin board

and it was a lawn care business.

And Mrs. Camwell, she was my grade three teacher...

Whoa, God, whatever, like so sexy.

She had one of them saris on.

Like, you couldn't see a lot,

but you could use your fucking imagine...

I had my first wet...

Excuse me,

I had my first knock for an

Anyway, she saw me poster and she said,

"Jimmy," she liked to call me Jimmy.

And she said, "If you clean up my garage

and take a pick of the bottles,

you can have all the money from the bottles."

I would've done it for nothing.

I liked her a lot.

Anyway, it's not a happy ending to the story, but

I like, I took all the bottles

and I took my Redrock Wagon,

and I passed Jimmy Scanlon's house, and didn't he see me?

Cocksucker, come out and punched me in the head,

and they threw my bottles off the ground,

and took my Redrocker.

So, I had to haul those bottles down through 95 degree heat.

In the blazing sun, on a June day.

And, I made it as far as the Old Mill Pond in the park,

halfway there and the bottles broke apart.

And, I was sitting there fucking sweating my diddles off.

And what did I gotta do?

I just started draining them bottles.

There was a little bit here...

And a little bit there.

There was a little bit of pop,

and there was a little bit of fruit juice.

It tasted shit. I remember blue mold.

Fucking blue mold.

That's probably my problem.

I got, fucking... Anyway,

She wasn't a drinker.

So, someone had given her a bottle of Bim Bean...

Jim Beam.

And, she didn't drink it. It was still unopened.

I knew I shouldn't be drinking alcohol

'cause it was for adults and shit.

And, I knew it would taste terrible.

So, I pinched my little nose-ell

and I drank a whole bottle down one shot,

like a stupid-dee-dee, and around 10 o'clock that night,

this search guy found me and dragged me home.

And, the next day in the paper, it had a big picture of her

saying that she was getting a minor alco-pissed,

and she got fired.

And, I'm sorry, Mrs. Camwell.

Anyway, what's the moral of the story?

If you hold a candle in the dark,

Hey. Listen to that.

Dingy ding ding.

Welcome to a very, very special edition

"Guitar Lessons with Bubbles", today,

with The Hendrix episode.

Clearly, it's the Hendrix episode.

'Cause I look exactly like him, dressed up.

I got the clothes here and

I've got a very special guest, today.

Clifton David Broadbridge.

A fucking unbelievable guitar player.

And he is like the Hendrix expert,

like the biggest Hendrick expert, I know.

So, he agreed to show us some Hendrix stuff, today.

- Thanks for having me on, man.

Yeah, thanks for being here.

He plays Hendrix stuff all over the US.

This is gonna be awesome. So I was thinking,

I've always been trying to play fucking Purple Haze.

- Okay.

- And I just, I don't know why,

but I just can't get it right.

It always sounds, you know, doesn't sound hazy enough.

Yeah, I think I understand that.

Can you? Here's how much I got of it.

I can go,

Oh, just wait.

I'm gonna turn on my thing, here.

- Yeah. Turn your foot pedal on.

- You got all the fancy stuff and I noticed

you just gave me this one little thing, here.

I mean, that's kind unfair, but...

Well, you got the clothes, so...

- That's true. I do have all the excellence.

You got the mojo.

All the excellence.

Where did you get these clothes, anyway?

Those are fantastic. Thank you.

So, I can do this part.

Then I get... I start getting lost.

So if you can just walk me through it.

Okay. We got the intro part right here on the sixth fret,

and the octave.

- Oh yeah, right. - I forgot that part.

Okay, so walk me through that, just quickly.

All right.

So, the intro or...

- No, I know the intro.

So, the intro's just the sixth fret, octave thing.

You're just going.

- Okay.

- Okay.

So, up to the ninth fret.

And then bend...

And then...

That's why I was fucking it up. I see, now.

A man's beard grows fastest when he's anticipating sex.

- Ooh, that makes sense.

Your beard grows faster.

- Makes a lot of sense.

- How does it work, Ricky? - That does, doesn't it?

- I find, when I'm in the zone,

and I'm doing a lot of stuff...

We've talked about this. We've been in jail.

I gotta shave way more.

But, we've been in jail and we're like, "Holy fuck!"

You notice a couple days without shaving.

Exactly.

Wow. Man.

That's what it is.

- When you're in the thick of it,

as they say, you get the fucking two o'clock shadow.

- That's when you're thick of it. It means...

- You mean when you're in there?

When you're getting some shit going.

You almost feel it growing.

- Ricky, you're fucked.

He's gonna be doing some banging now,

looking in the mirror, trying to watch his beard grow.

I totally guarantee you.

Well, you just keep little hand mirror by the bed.

So, I told you, I told you.

He's gonna fucking do it. though.

I just wanna see there's a difference before you start

to when you finish.

Guarantee there might be something to it.

You would never notice, man. Fuck.

Well, if you do the Time Elective Philography

where you take a shot every four seconds, or whatever.

What's it called?

- Time of elective for, you know what I mean?

- The Time Elected Photography.

Time Elected Offtography?

Autography.

- No, when you do that,

it just takes a picture like every so many...

Timelapse, Ricky.

Or, you could say that.

You could say that, too.

You could say that, just as easy.

Fuck, I'm good and awake now, boys.

Oh! Something's kicking in and I'm not doing good.

I think I have to go to bed.

- What?

Well, I'm just waking up.

Me too, man.

I'm fucking ready to go.

I'm feeling like I need to go to the bathroom

and then right to bed.

- Ah, Well... I guess - Fuck!

I guess, we could.

First, I'm gonna do a little trimming.

- Ricky, don't. I wanna see you attempt this.

Actually, you know what?

Oh, there we go.

Oh.

There we go.

I'm gonna burn some fucking calories.

He's gonna burn some... Don't do that.

Why would he do that?

And, why would you tell him that?

Did he knock himself out?

He knocked himself out, or he just passed out.

I don't know what the fuck he did.

- Ricky!

- Rick.

He didn't knock himself out, did he?

I wasn't watching.

All right. I'm done.

- Ricky!

Oh my fuck. We're gonna have...

- Just let him, just let him be.

No, he might have really hurt himself.

So, I don't wanna start drinking until tonight.

I don't wanna start right now, man.

So, we're just gonna leave him with a...

I gotta go.

With a knock-out.

I'm leaving.

Well... Oh my God.

Thanks for tuning in, everybody.

Ricky, you better be faking.

Ricky?

He did knock himself out.

Call 911.