All language subtitles for Trailer.Park.Boys.The.SwearNet.Show.S05E05.Episode.5.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-WhatsBeyond_track3_[eng]

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really coarse language, weed,

alcohol consumption, smoking,
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Remember we were at Madison
Square Garden one time,

right out of it?

- Yeah, we were.

- Who was that?

We got on stage with
somebody. Who was that?

His other guys.

Fred Durst.

- Linkin Park, man.
- Linkin Park.

That's who one I'm
thinking about.

Do you know what
limp biscuit means?

- What?

It's fucking gross, man.

What is it?

And I'm not feeling that
good, I might throw up.

Do it. Make me puke.

A game where a group of
guys jack off in a circle,

a cracker is placed
in the middle,

the last one to, you know,

onto the fucking
thing, has to eat it.

Therefore, it's the limp biscuit

because of the shit that's
on it, which is fucking.

I didn't know that.

Do they know that?

It's a circle jerk.

- Yeah, but you've gotta
fucking ingest a cracker that's.

- Covered in load.
- - Yeah.

As long as you can jerk off

faster than everybody
else, you're fine.

Does Fred Durst know this?

Does he know that
that's what his band-

- I don't think Fred
Durst's alive. Is he?

I don't fucking know. Is he?

He's not.

- I think Fred Durst
passed away, didn't he?

That was the guy
from Linkin Park.

That's the guy from Linkin Park.

Oh my God. See, I've
got my bands all mixed up.

Cause I'm high as kite.

Chester, wasn't he?

Chester?

- I think Chester's the
guy that's not with us.

- It Fred Durst!

I, I'm gonna be fucking,
I'm gonna feel terrible.

Do I gotta look this up?

Yes.

I'm gonna feel terrible. I'm
gonna apologize to Fred Durst.

I think you should,
which I saw him yesterday.

It's okay. You know what?

It comes up, the first thing
is Fred Durst, a Scientologist.

The next one is,
is, is he alive?

So we'll go to, is he alive?

Is he alive?

I thought I saw him,
him with Soby's yesterday.

Fred Durst doesn't
live around here.

- He's around, man. He's alive.

- He is?
- Yes.

- I apologize Mr. Durst.
I got you confused.

Born in 1970.

I'm happy you're still with us.

Very happy you're alive,
sir. I don't know...

- I'm not happy to find out
what the name of the band means.

Like.

I didn't know that.

Anybody else you think
is dead that might not be,

that we can look up?

So it was the Linkin Park
fella that I'm thinking of?

- Yes.
- Yes, man.

- Chester, man.

Oh Jesus. I mean, I knew
he, he had passed away,

but I thought that's
fella did too.

- I think he had some addiction
issues, unfortunately.

- Wow. That's fucking terrible.

Just fucking
grabbed by it, right?

Yes.

Fucked.

- It's a horrible thing. People
don't realize it's not just,

you know.

I wouldn't know
what addiction's like.

- Ricky.

What are you talking about?

He's not addicted
to anything really.

- And you're not
either, I guess?

No, I'm not.

- What's in that glass?

- It's a drink.

A liquor drink, which you
are severely addicted to.

No, I'm not.

- There's a big difference
between addicted and having fun.

Ricky, you are
addicted to drugs.

I just like to have a good
time. I don't know how that.

I don't think he is, man.

Well then you're addicted.

Addicted to fun.

Can you go without
smoking dope for,

if I said you can't smoke
dope ever again right now,

what would happen?

Well, I could do it,
but why would I do it?

- You could not do it. You would
turned into a rabid animal.

- Many days. Many days.

Many days what?

I've gone without a drink.

Since when?

- Well, there's been a,
you know, a few days.

- Since you were seven.

Yeah, I think. Yeah.

How many days since
you were seven years old,

have you not had
a fucking drink?

He can count them on
his fucking fingers.

Shut the fuck
up. A couple days.

I went, I went, you know,

without any dope there
last week, for the day.

- A day.

Well, yeah.

Ricky, you two sound like
two severely addicted people

right now in the
stage that's called.

I could go long as I
want, but like I said,

why would you wanna do that?

- No, you couldn't go as
long as you want, Ricky.

It's the addiction
making you say,

why would I wanna do that?

You know what? You sounded
like "Reefer Madness."

You ever see that fucking
flick? That's you.

You know, You
know how I would be?

I'd be thinking, okay I
don't miss dope at all.

But, wow, this is fun, not.

Listen to the words
coming out of your mouth.

You think your brain would
say, I don't miss dope at all.

But there's some
people that do it

because they got to do it.

There's other people that do
it because they're having fun.

Right, I'm doing it for fun.

No, they're both doing it
because they gotta do it.

Just one of them is
completely in fucking denial.

One of them that's wearing
sunglasses and fucking hat.

- It's not about being addicted.

It's about do I
want to have fun,

or do I want to be lame-o guy?

Lame-o guy that just sits
around and doesn't do anything

and has to be straight.

Okay what if I told
you you could still, fuck

you're gonna have
the best time ever,

but you're not gonna smoke dope?

It wouldn't be as
fun, I guarantee you.

See? That's your brain
just convincing you, Ricky.

But if I was omission
and I told you,

you are gonna have
just as much fun,

but you're not allowed to
touch dope, what would you say?

How?

- See? That's addiction.

But there's also, well,

we've been up in those
fucking jets that time.

Man, that was fun,
and he wasn't.

And you were drunk!

You were hammered.

I had a couple
drinks in me, man.

You were wasted.

I wasn't really
high, I don't think.

Ricky, you were stoned
out of your fucking mind.

You could barely get your
straps done on your flight suit.

- Well, it's
interesting the way you,

you're putting things.

And look who's
talking. Look at this.

What is that all about?

No, I'm just having a drink.

Straight fucking vodka.

Yeah, I'm just having a sip.

You drink and smoke dope
pretty much every day as well.

I do not.

You do so.

- Not every day.

You take a couple
swigs every day.

Every, yes.

- And you smoke a joint,
if he says, Let's go.

Yeah, but I don't. If
you told me no more liquor.

Okay, but.

I wouldn't drink liquor anymore.

Would you say you have more fun

when you're drinking
liquor and smoking dope?

Or when you're lame-o guy?

- I'm never lame-o guy.

I can have fun, just as much
fun playing with kitties

and reading a book.

- Then why do you do it?

Just cause it's there
and you guys are doing it.

It's called peer pressure.

- Okay.

You guys put peer pressure
on me, that's why I do it.

But for you to sit
there and take a swig

of straight vodka.

Here, look here.

Okay, let's both put
our drinks over here.

No more drinking for
the rest of the day.

I can do it no problem.
Can you do that?

Yes, I can.

Do it then.

Why would I want to though?

Doesn't make any fucking sense.

- It's chicken flavor Kool-Aid.

That's what that fucking is.

- Look boys, we can put
a positive spin on this.

At least we can say we ate
healthy today. We ate healthy.

- Lettuce and you know,
soup with nothing in it.

Boys, I can't eat this
and I'm fucking starving.

Larry, I know you guys
are fucking doing this

on purpose too just
to piss us off.

My three favorite
times of the day.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Not now. This is fucked.

Just eat Ricky. Bye.

- No, you need to get a
fuckin' different chef

instead of this skinny
onion stick fuck.

It's not my fault, Ricky.

What about fat Charlie was
deep fried deliciousness.

You had to let him
out early, didn't you?

Then you let it Lip Wang early.

Best fucking Chinese
food guy ever we had.

You fucking dicks.

What the fuck did you just say?

You calm down, Larry. This
is nothing to do with me.

No, the three of us
are fucking pissed.

No.

And we're not gonna take it.

I ate already. I don't have
a fucking problem, Larry.

I'm not a chicken or a
goddamn tiger or a sea whale.

I can't eat this shit. I
need real fucking food.

- Ricky.

- I bet you're eating a
fucking delicious cheeseburger,

onion rings or
something, aren't you?

Fuck you, Larry.

That's your final warning, boy.

Ricky, calm the fuck down.

- What?

- You're gonna blow our chances

at the early release program.

Ha, early release.

Oh, fuck off Larry.

- Ricky.

- With the jails being so
fucking overcrowded these days,

they started a early
release program.

They select, you know,
low risk individuals

and they put them on a list

and decide who
can get out early.

And I thought that
would be a fucking

perfect program
to put Bubbles in.

But that's probably not
gonna fucking happen now.

I'm gonna make quite
a sandwich here, Dawn.

First thing I need to do is
get my cheeseburger towel out,

cause that protects my pants.

Right?

Napkins don't work as
good as a towel, right?

Understandable, goodness.

Nice arrangement, I suppose.

- That looks good.
- Looks really good.

Hope the king's good.

I call this place the king.

I make chicken, a chicken
double cheeseburger.

I put it, put it
in the middle, see?

Oh my.

Like that, you don't need
all the buns, you know?

But I like the, I
like the crowns.

That's why it's like the king.

Two crowns instead of two heels.

And last but not least,

is you gotta add a few
onion rings on top.

Oh my goodness.

And Dawn, I even
travel with extra.

Sometimes you don't wanna,

you don't wanna open those up.

So you just put, this is
good on the rings a bit.

- The true connoisseur.

Yeah, you just
put that in there.

- Oh my.

Check, look at that.

Holy God.

That's a, that's a lot of,

you get different
food groups in there.

That is quite the heartbreak

concoction right there.

Beautiful.

- Very tasty, it's good.

This is awesome.

I mean, I'm so proud
of all the work

that we've been doing
in the trailer park.

You know, you've been doing
a lot of good work, Dawn.

- Oh, thank you.

It's been interesting
to say the least.

Sometimes, I don't know
if I would keep it together

if I didn't have
you around right now

with Mr. Lahey in jail.

And you know, I
think it's time that,

you know, my big news is to,

to promote ya and
give you a raise.

Really?

- Promote you to like assistant
trailer park supervisor.

I'll be the supervisor
while Mr. Lahey's in jail.

And then you could
be the assistant.

And we'll be an
unstoppable team, Dawn.

You and me buddy.
What do you think?

Randall.

Well, I'm flattered
at the opportunity,

and thank you so much.

But I must decline.

- What?

Yeah, there's something
I have to do, Randy.

I'm going away for a while.

- Away?

Yes.

For, for how long?

As long as it takes.

I'm embarking on a
spiritual journey

to the inner sanctum of my soul.

Well, geez, Dawn,

you can just go to yoga
or something right here.

There's yoga place. Like
you don't have to go away.

Stay with me. I need you, Dawn.

- Nah, I have to get
away from the man made,

materialistic intricacies.

All the curves and phones and...

it's just something
I have to do.

My universal imbalance
is weighing on me.

Where are you going?

I'm going to see the
Sarapo in Peru again.

Yeah.

You've been there before?

Yes, yes. It was
a magical journey.

I'll never forget the
song they were singing.

What song was that?

Was during an
Ayahuasca ceremony.

Oh, that was awesome, Dawn.

- That's what, that's
what you learned there?

Yeah, it was quite
magnificent too.

Brought me right into myself.

Pass me a fork
or something, Dawn.

A fork.

Oh my goodness.

Onion ring poutine right there.

Holy shit.

You got your onion
rings, you got your cheese,

- you got your gravy.
- - Wow.

- This is healthy stuff
for you, you know?

When are you going away, Dawn?

Like seriously?

- Well, I'll probably
be leaving immediately.

- What?

- Yeah.

- I thought, I thought we were,

aren't aren't you gonna miss me?

Yes, yes, I will miss you.

Oh, all my beautiful fuck gems.

I will miss my poutine too.

Had some good times.

Could take, could take a while.

Could take a while.

Six months, a year.

Why do you have
to do this, Dawn?

It's just a matter of discovery.

You know, it's
something my sister,

my beautiful sister
Donna used to

encourage me to do as well.

Meditate. Be at one with myself.

Right. Well, you
know something?

I really don't like you
going away like this, Dawn.

I know, but it's something
I have to do, Randy.

It's just one of those
things I have to discover.

Well...

Just please remember that,

you know, you're
welcome back here.

I want you to come
back here soon, okay?

Maybe you should try, have
you ever tried the chef salad?

Can't say as I have.

Here, try it just for
fucking shits and giggles.

Thanks man.

Not bad.

It's pretty good.

Hey Bubbles, it's me. Alex.

Listen, I'm in a,

I'm in a wine cellar
and I don't know,

I had a couple
drinks and the room's

sort of spinning a little bit.

But look, I wanted
to talk to you.

We're coming to Halifax in July,

and I thought maybe
you and Julian

might want to come
down to the show.

And if you're not busy, if,

if you want to come up and,

and maybe do guitars for me
again, like you did last time,

it'd be awesome.

It'd be really great.
Can't wait to see you guys.

It's been a while.

But listen, don't mention
anything to Ricky, okay?

Cause well, you know.

I'm not so sure I'd really
want to have him there,

but you guys would
be more than welcome.

All right? Okay.

So I'll see you, I'll
see you this summer.

All right? In Halifax.

Awesome. Take care.

Whoa, take it easy.

Oh my God.

Ah, ahh.

Not many people can say
they got a fucking video

like that from Alex Lifeson.

Bubbles can.

It was fucking awesome.

We went down to
the metro center.

See the concert, Ricky,
of course came along.

It's hard to tell Ricky
not to come somewhere.

But I told him, if you're
gonna fucking be coming,

you listen to Alex and
you don't fuck around.

And what's he do?

First thing he does, he tries
to piss right on the tour bus.

Right in the bumper.

Un-fucking-believable.

Julian thankfully, you know,

ripped him away
and gave him shit.

- What's the big deal?
- When I gotta piss, I piss.

Cause if you hold it,
you can affect your boner

and give you 'ladder problems.

That is a known fucking fact.

The next thing I
know, Ricky's got his bird out,

stuck right in the garbage can,
pissing in the garbage can.

Julian made him sanitize
his hands, thank God.

'Cause Ricky normally
pees all over his hands.

He can't aim very well.

It's his old man's fault.

If he had taught Ricky
how to piss properly

when he was a kid, he wouldn't
be pissing all over his hands

and wiping on
himself every time.

- Then he there he's got
his hands right down,

sanitizing his boner to.

That's the type of shit
Alex didn't want going on.

But anyway, we fucking
kept moving along there

and all the limos were there.

The limo fellas were
saying hi to me.

I got to the side of the stage
so I thought I was gonna be

doing guitar tech work.

This weird little fella hands
me a great big pair of pants.

Tells me, put them on
and get up on the stage.

Right on the fucking
stage with, Rush. Me!

Unbelievable.

I think they just wanted me,

but of course Ricky
and everybody else has

to fucking push
their way up there

and I'm trying to
tell him not to.

But he was baked out
of his fucking mind.

He wanted to see the lights.

I followed Bubbles on stage

so he wouldn't fucking
crash into stuff.

Cause he can't see that well.

Even though he won't admit it.

I mean, I didn't
really want to go up.

I was baked outta my mind.

But fucking lights
were pretty trippy.

And I look over there,

and there's fucking Randy.

I didn't even know Randy
was at the concert.

Next thing I know
he is on stage.

Fucking unbelievable.

Randy gets up there
and starts rubbing Alex

in different parts and areas.

Molesting him, you know,

rubbing him and
reverse twerking him.

I don't know
why Bubbles got so mad.

I mean, I just
went out on stage,

and gave Alex a little massage.

I mean, I respect
him as a musician.

He's a great guitar player.
He's got really fast fingers.

It did end up being one of

the best nights my
fucking life though,

on stage with Rush.

Unbelievable.

Sorry again, Alex,
about Randy and the,

the grabbing things.

Hope you're not mad at me.
Please return my emails.

Please?

Shits different these days.

- It's different world.

- Oh, you can't, I mean
they're in traffic man.

- Remember when you're,

remember when Ray used to put
us in the pickup truck out in

the highway and we used to
jump up in the back and let the

wind shoot us to the back, the
pickup truck goin' about 140?

Yeah, that was cool.

That was decent.

I can't imagine letting
some little fellow

do that these days.

No, man.

We used to ride our
bikes 20 miles in the dark

with black clothes on.

On the highway to go fishing.

- Before I quit dope
for the rest of my life,

we have to go to
this place in China.

It's got a 300 foot fucking
glass bottom skywalk

that goes out over
this fucking cliff.

Imagine getting baked
outta your fucking minds.

It's a glass bottom.

I don't think it would've,
it wouldn't scare me.

- No?
- Nope.

You're not scared
of the high ups?

- Not when I'm on a structurally
engineered glass thing,

that could probably take
a fucking army tank.

It would give me those
stomach moths for sure, fuck.

Just looking down.

No, no. I wouldn't be...

- No, it wouldn't boys.

All you gotta tell yourself
is this was engineered

in 2019 by Chinese scientists

and it can probably support
a fucking army tank.

And I only weigh fucking, you
know, a couple hundred pounds.

There's no way this
thing's crashing.

- You know what?

I guarantee you, you smoke
a big fat fucking joint.

Where's this place at?

- China.

In China, and you walk out
there, you're gonna be fucked.

I'd be more nervous
smoking the joint in China

than I would be walking
out on the thing.

Cause if they catch you
with a joint in China,

they cut your
fucking wiener off.

So you wouldn't do it then.

You wouldn't go out there
and get stoned and do that?

No, I'd walk out there but

I wouldn't have joint
on me cause that.

- When are they cutting
your wiener off?

- I'm just saying, I don't know
that they actually do that,

but it's not good.

Whatever they do.

Pretty sure dope is
not legal in China.

- No, I don't think
they're into that shit.

I can't imagine.

You imagine you got caught
with weed in North Korea

with the little fella
with the funny hair?

He'd fuck you over. You'd
be dead, wouldn't you?

You would be fucked. Yes.

He'd probably shoot a
fucking missile at you.

He's done that, hasn't he?

He has shot missiles
at to execute people.

Set them up against a bank
and fire a fucking missile.

- Good way to die or bad
way to die, you think?

Terrible.

I mean, it would be over quick.

You'd get incinerated.

But you know, there's
a good four seconds.

You see that thing
coming at you.

- Four seconds.

Well, he fires it from,

he's not like he's
standing here to the wall.

That would suck.

Maybe not four seconds, but
he fires it from, you know,

he's a few hundred yards
away, so you'd see.

You're alive looking
at it going, oh fuck.

Enough to probably piss to
probably and shit yourself.

Probably.

But see, there's
another example.

If you were baked,
you'd probably be like,

I can take this thing.

You wouldn't, but at least
you're gonna die positive.

You know what I mean?

This thing's gonna
fucking bounce off.

So if you get, if you get
caught smoke dope there,

you want it to happen
like immediately.

You don't want it to be
like two hours later.

It's just like, within the
next five minutes please.

That's what I'd ask for.

Can we get this over with
while I'm still high?

- I think he looks very giggly.

I think if you could get
in his pits and tickle him,

I bet you you could submit him.

Doesn't he look ticklish?

Kim Jong-un.

Yeah, I think if you've
had a few drinks with him,

set a few drinks.

He looks very ticklish.

I think if you could get
him down, tickle him.

It might change the whole world.

He might be like,

holy fuck I never
laughed so hard my life.

I didn't know you could laugh.

I can see you being
good friends with him.

Well, I mean, he's
a ruthless dictator

that murders people, but.

- Right.

I'm thinking if you could
just get a good tickle fight

with him, he might
change his ways.

Well maybe you could
be the one to do that.

- Dennis Rodman.

I know. If he could
do it, you could.

Dennis Rodman
hangs out with him.

Totally make him laugh.

- And we met Dennis Rodman.
- He's totally normal.

- You can knock that up.

He's totally normal.

Really?

Ricky, Dennis Rodman, no, Ricky.

Remember he had fucking
metal fingernails

and he was talking about

living on the moon or something.

He's a bit of an odd bird.

He was nice.

Very nice.

He was tall.

I loved hanging out
with him but he's not,

he's pretty fucking bizarre.

He was definitely tall.

I think it's safe to
say he's not normal.