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Warning.

The following program contains really coarse language, weed,

alcohol consumption, smoking, and sexual infer-fer-lences.

This content may not be suitable for viewers under 18.

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please press the big go yourself button on your

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Here Jacob, I want you to be in the-

- What the fuck are you doing here?

Aren't you supposed to be at work?

I got sent home.

For what?

Don't fucking tell him you lost another job, Jacob.

- Ricky.

What?

I just picked Jacob up at the hospital.

Is he working there?

Are you working with the hospital now?

No, I was at the, at my job at the refinery and,

uh, I passed out.

Yeah, he passed out.

And guess what?

You fucking drinking on the job, Jacob?

No.

He was not drinking, Ricky.

He passed out from dehydration and exhaustion,

and he needed a fucking blood transfusion.

Oh, you gotta fucking drink water, Jacob, you know that?

- Nope. I'm turning this off, there's that.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Somebody wants us to have a little fucking talk-

- Are you shitting me?

So we're talking.

You think I want to fucking do this right now?

Ricky. We need to talk about this.

- Jesus.

Have a seat.

It's the best I've done in a while, for fuck's sake.

Get a drink.

If you want to get a drink, get a fucking drink.

So do you have to go back to work, Jacob?

Are you just gonna hang out here?

The doctor told me I...

- Jesus Christ.

- Need to get some rest.

I'm, like, seriously sleep deprived.

Ricky. He's sleep deprived, dehydrated,

fucking exhaustion, and he needed a blood transfusion.

You probably sleep deprived because

you don't have enough fucking money

to pay all the goddamn bills because

you're not working hard enough.

If you worked harder, you wouldn't be stressed

and you'd fucking get more sleep.

See, that's what we have to have a talk about, because...

- Ricky, how many jobs do you think Jacob has?

I don't know cause he's always getting fired.

What are you up to now? Two or three?

Dude, it's six right now.

Six?

And I didn't get fired last night, I just got like,

sent home after passing out. So you can go...

Six jobs, Ricky!

And you're still broke, like that's how dumb you are.

If I had six jobs, I'd probably be rich.

If you have six jobs and you have no money.

You got something fucking wrong in the head.

- But dude, do you know how much the bills are?

Like between the food and the utilities and the rent? Like..

Oh, I know the bills, the bills come in my name.

I know how much they are.

Can you believe what you're hearing right now?

Ricky?

I can't even believe.

Do you know how much money

he fucking has to fork over for bills?

For four people living in this fucking trailer?

- Including food or no?

Cable. Do you know how much that is?

- Gotta have it though.

You gotta have it.

It's like one hundred thirty fucking dollars a month,

'cause you want all those...

- Hundred and fifty, actually. - What?

- One hundred and fifty.

A hundred and fifty.

It's about 200 for internet, phone, and cable,

210, 209.

Okay, so it's about 200, 209.

That's not much money.

That's what, 20 hours of work?

Okay, Okay. Then you get the fucking heat,

to heat this place, you're on electric heat?

- Not in the summertime.

Well, it's fucking, it's getting cold out. All right?

Yeah. So...

Yeah, you can't, you've gotta put the heat on.

- How many hours you figure you work a week?

Less than 60?

No, no.

It's gotta be more closer to 80, I think between...

It's 80.

I looked at, I talked to the doctor and they went through

his stuff. 79 hours he worked last week, Ricky,

How many did you work?

So if we need another 200 bucks a month for heat,

that's only, what are you getting paid? Mostly 10 to 15?

- Less than 12.

So you're looking less than 20. An extra 20 hours a month.

Divide that over four weeks.

- On top of 79!

You're talking a hundred hours a week, Ricky.

No.

That's over two work weeks for a normal person...

- And then you could have put, like the food,

that costs a lot of money, man.

What? 30 bucks a day?

Ricky, How many hours a week do you work?

Ask Julian, he's my boss.

- None.

Right now you're just playing the fucking,

Space Invaders.

Well, that's work, in a way, It's like training for some.

But do you see a problem

where one of the people like,

just pretend Jacob's your roommate at college,

and one of the roommates is working a hundred hours a week,

and paying all the bills, and the other roommate's

laying around smoking dope, playing video games.

Do you see?

Okay, but what about this?

The other roommate, which is me,

used to do that for all the years that he's, of his age.

So why the fuck should I still keep having

to do it if he should be doing it?

Somebody's gotta take over for someone at some point, right?

So you're just like a, you're like an emperor now?

- Semi-retired.

I just think I deserve that after all

the fucking hard work and years of shit I put in.

And if they're gonna live here,

fucking pretty much rent free.

Rent free?

- It's only rent free because he pays the rent

and you don't, it's rent free to you.

Well, no I, there's been times though,

when he fucking got fired from how many goddamn jobs,

and he's unemployed and I gotta go...

Ricky, most of the time he gets fired,

it's because of you,

showing up drunk, yelling at him.

You know what? I don't need this today.

I thought this was gonna be a fun day,

and now all of a sudden people are coming on me.

- Coming on you?

Well, you could've, you could've fucking tried

to pitch in a bit more, man

Sure, what do you want me to do?

- Make some money, to put them towards bills.

Just like being this, you gotta be responsible, man,

that's what I'm trying to fucking say.

So Jacob, I think you should take this week off.

No, no, no.

He can't take a whole week off of everything.

Ricky, he needed a blood transfusion.

Well, that didn't that fix you up?

Yeah, but the, the oxygen levels

are gonna start going down again.

I need to get at least six hours of sleep.

You need fucking oxygen.

So the doctor said eight is really better, well, sleep.

Sleep. Let the man sleepy sleep for two hours a night.

You must take breaks at your jobs.

Like, can't you just have a nap?

- That's not the same...

- Like at a lunch hour?

As having a rest, Ricky.

That's not, I'm not very good at like...

Einstein said he'd sleep, you know, 20 minutes here,

20 minutes there.

That's not normal, Ricky.

He was fucking saving the world.

That's not normal. That's not the average person.

I'm not Einstein.

Well, I've lived off hardly any sleep.

Got through it.

Yeah, you did, and you're broke.

You're broke and you have no...

Maybe you need to up the drug intake.

- That would help, but that cost fucking money.

I can help out with drugs.

- Why don't you go down to Atlantic Oxygen

and steal some oxygen tanks?

- Julian, you said you had nothing to do today, let's do it.

- At least, then when he's here, he could have pure oxygen.

That's what you do for your son in law.

Okay, let's get at her.

All right, I just played a little Back in Black there.

For those of you who don't know,

one of the fucking greatest rock songs ever written.

Anyway, so this is how it goes.

It's pretty easy to play, actually.

It's in E, so you're just playing like an E.

Like an E power chord, you know, you got E,

B string there, second fret,

D string second fret, just a power cord.

And then they do like a, a D without the bottom.

It's just like another kind of power cord.

D5 kind of, so it's like,

That's your second cord, and then.

It's just an A, A power cord. Same as E.

Just move her all down that way, one.

So you got...

And then he just does this little thing.

It's just a little pull off thing, kind of.

So it's third fret, E string,

and then open,

and then third fret B string,

then open.

So...

And then it's the G string, second fret,

but he gives her a little bend,

and a pull off. So you go,

So it's a...

Like that. So it goes,

Okay, so that's the first part, pretty easy.

E, D, A, and then

land back on that E chord.

So then the second time around, he goes,

He goes like this.

It's a B string, second fret,

and then he just walks her up the, uh, E string there,

starting at the fourth fret.

So it's like,

so 4, 5, 6, 7 is what you're gonna do, you're gonna go,

So it's B,

B string, second fret to the E string,

fourth fret, fifth fret, sixth fret, seventh,

and you do a slide down.

So here's how the whole thing looks.

That's it.

That's fucking Back in Black right there,

you know, and then the chorus,

I mean you can figure that out,

it's just basically three chords.

I think it's A, E, B.

And then it would be...

G... he plays G like that.

Just the, this one and this one.

He doesn't fuck around with the B note.

Don't need that in rock!

Rock and roll.

So it's just...

Then G, D, A.

That's Back in Black right there in a nutshell.

I mean, you'll have to fuck around with it,

obviously, to get it perfected, but that's the basic,

basic one for that one, Back in Black.

What else can I show you? AC/DC.

This here's a popular one,

everybody wants to play, showing off.

Fuck!

Knew that was gonna happen, can't see her very well.

Anyway, I'll teach you how to do it, so it's all on the,

it's all on the B string.

Then he's just doing pull offs, they're called,

between the fourth and that'll be like,

four and seven, and five and eight.

So he's just going.

So you just play it once,

pull your finger off to make the second note.

Same thing here.

That's how he's doing that.

Then he moves up to the twelfth fret

and there's a pull off between each of these notes.

He goes,

I might smash my guitar here today.

I don't know what the fuck, like...

You put it in fucking wrong!

- Well, at home, they go in both ways, like...

Come on Julian.

- Just a second.

Would you guys just give me a second here?

- Fuck, sorry. How come we don't even have

DVDs or nothing anyway?

- That's the problem. It ate the fucking tape.

Nice going Ter.

- Well, fuck sorry, man.

Now what are we gonna do?

I don't fucking know. I got some other, I don't...

I know this fucking story,

I'll just tell 'em the fucking story!

All right, everybody, keep eating your popcorn.

Tell a story, make it funny.

I want my fucking money back, Julian.

Just fucking listen!

Just, fuck. Okay, so.

We're still getting high at least. Yeah.

Once upon a time there was

a fucking super hot novelist and she was like this,

this novelist that they weren't fucking sure

whether she was a vicious killer.

And this fucking cop was like, kind of on the case,

but hot for her?

So he descended into the fucking underground.

Anyway, eventually they brung her in, brought her into

the jail there, and this is the best part, like she kind

of was like, sitting there like, legs crossed, eh?

And then right when you want it, you know, she goes like,

"Oh yeah, I'm not sure if I'm the killer."

Oh man, it doesn't even fucking matter!

Okay, now do you wanna hear it again?

Yeah, yeah!

Talk about the lesbian girlfriend.

Oh yeah!

- All right, you got this? - I gotta go, I'm gonna go...

- Off you go. I got it.

I'll tell the part 2, 3, 4.

Okay, so this is awesome.

So she was a writer, right?

And she was super hot, but some people were like,

"Oh, maybe, maybe she's got a lesbian girlfriend, right?"

And then they were like, "Oh, pass me the pen."

And then she's like,

"Oh, I don't need the pen. You know what I mean?"

Right?

Yeah.

And then, anyway.

Well, she got busted at the end

because she boiled a rabbit in the pot,

so that part was a little bit sad.

- Get to the fucking part, man!

Man, I'm missing my bush, man! Fuck!

Okay, okay you're right, you're right, Freddy.

So then, anyway, they, they run her into the,

in to the fucking jail there, or the investigation room

or whatever it's fucking called.

And then she's like this, right?

And then they're like,

"So tell us if you done it."

And then she's like,

"Well, what do you think?"

Okay, so here's this other great story.

So there's like this chick and she's in a tornado, right?

And then she gets rung up into

like some other planet universe.

And then there's like this guy who's a lion,

who's like kind of scared and shit.

Anyway, they follow this golden road and,

and it's a long story, so get cozy.

Do you guys need more butter?

- No, we want our bush!

Okay, well this one's more for kids,

so let me think of another one, like.

Okay! Well anyway, there's this one story, right?

There's this fucking family, family of country folks, right?

And they're driving their truck and suddenly

they start hearing, like,

Right? And shit's falling all over the place,

and they're like, What is it?

And then they're like, I don't know.

And that happens again and again, and then eventually these

fucking like worm eating thing like, comes outta the ground

and it's like, it's like, oh!

And then every time they feel a tremor, they're like,

oh, there's fucking giant worms

eating houses and fucking killing people.

Anyway, eventually they fight it off and choke it to death.

Yeah, Credits roll.

Right on!

Yeah, and everyone lived happily ever after.

Well, except for the rabbit got murdered, but you know.

- Boys!

Jesus Christ.

The fuck are you,

what are you doing?

There's nothing even on the fucking...

What do you mean?

What are you doing, man?

It's just.

How much shit did you put in the fucking butter?

How much shit did you put in the butter?

Huh?

Just the perfect amount.

Look at these guys!

Pussies.

Pussies.

It's lights out.

Fuck off!

Are you staying here and watching this or,

what are you doing, Ter?

What the fuck? It's lights out, get up!

- Hey, Luwanda.

- What?

I'm going to bed, I don't know what happened here,

but you should just leave them there.

You guys are working us too hard,

everyone's fucking exhausted.

- They're, they're gonna be sleeping all night.

Do whatever you want though. I don't give a fuck,

I'm going to bed.

Oh Jesus.

They're baked outta their minds!

No way. Really?

How'd that happen?

Oh my god.

Weird.

Well, I'm gonna have to confiscate this.

So, uh, yeah.

So weird that happened.

Real mystery.

Have a good one, yo!

Yo, yo, yo.

Total mystery.

Look, Randy.

Throng of humanity, Randy.

Song of Humanity, Mr. Lahey?

- The throng, the throng of humanity, Randy.

It's getting foggy, bud.

It's getting really foggy, Mr. Lahey.

- We'd better head back.

Maybe we should just wait here and wait 'til tomorrow.

Randy, you have a lot to do today, don't you bud?

But Mr. Lahey, the fog,

I don't want to go on the boat again.

- It'll be okay, it'll be smooth,

I'll go in reverse and it'll just be smooth.

You want to see people?

- No, it's all right...

Come on, Randy.

My stomach's just starting to set off.

Randy.

They ate my burger,

they wouldn't serve me in the freaking restaurant.

- Let's go home, Randy.

Somebody's stealing our boat, Mr. Lahey!

- Uh oh.

What the frick you doing?

- When you buy a boat, Mr. Lahey,

you gotta pay for it before you take it.

What a pile of shit!

Come on, Randy.

You got some lawns to do. Let's get home, bud.

Okay, Mr. Lahey.

- Wobster McPobster how's a little lobster?

Frick's sake, Mr. Lahey

Come on, Randy.

Well, he didn't even stop.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Hey, hi bud.

- How you doing?

Couldn't give us a lift into town, could you?

Yeah, sure.

Really?

- Yeah, hop in.

Fat boy goes in the back.

- What?

Fat boy in the back.

Fat boy in the back, Randy.

- What?

This is horse cock!

All right, let's go!

For frick's sake.

Can't get this horse cock... come on!

Rat balls!

I told you it was all fricked up!

- There's a few little, fucking little,

little hiccups, Randy. That's all it fucking was.

We had a wonderful fucking time!

You gotta owe me that!

- All right, everybody!

Well today, it's time, right now,

for the Randy's Kitchen!

And I made something very, very special for you guys.

I made a spooky burger called the Brain Burger

for hell, oh, for Halloween.

We're not gonna do your spooky spocken

shit burger for Halloween, Randy!

Yes, we are, Mr. Lahey!

No we're not! - Yes we are!

No we're not! - We are...

We are fucking not!

- It's Randy's kitchen, it's very important!

We are not gonna fucking do your stupid, fucking..

Mr. Lahey!

- Fucking happy Halloween fucking show!

- Mr. Lahey, you're ruining it!

Fucking brain burgers! Shit burgers, that's what they are.

- It's a cheeseburger...

- Fucking shit burgers!

- With spaghetti on top, Mr. - Lahey, to look like brains.

You remember the haunted houses when you're a kid,

and they blindfold you and put your hands

in spaghetti like brains?

And I made a perfect burger

and you messed it all up. Mr. Lahey!

Frick sakes.

You know I hate Halloween so much, don't you, bud?

No one hates Halloween.

I hate Halloween, Randy!

'Cause of what happened back in 1797...

I got corn hauled by fucking...

Fuck.

And Lahey, he was a cop back then

it was his car, he ran out.

All he wanted was take Julian's liquor,

because Julian was drinking big time back then,

and Julian fought him for it

and liquor ended up getting spilled all

over Lahey and his uniform.

He finally got the liquor, got back to his car,

and was trying to get his car unstuck from the trailer,

and reverse, and liquor spilled all over his crotch.

Next thing you know,

George Green shows up and he was Lahey's partner.

He's the stupidest cop there is.

And thought Lahey was drunk, pissed himself.

And it did look like he was drunk and pissed himself.

But he wasn't drunk, and I don't think he even pissed

himself at all.

So it was a misunderstanding.

Started saying,

"Now listen George, this isn't what it looks like."

And George told him he was drunk.

And as they started arguing, all that did was make Lahey

look more drunk and crazy than he actually was back then.

And next thing Lahey's under arrest,

and it was our fault.

Came down two choices and Lahey, well, he resigned.

I just can't believe that Julian and Bubbles,

they ruined Mr. Lahey's life.

He lost his career, he lost his marriage,

went down the tubes, and uh, he lost his mind.

Now you see why I fucking hate Halloween so much, Randy?

Can't we just enjoy it, for frick's sakes?

Yeah, we can fucking enjoy it, Randy.

The only fucking way I'm gonna fucking enjoy Halloween,

and we put those three fucking weasel shit

that's sniffing their

fucking out all over the fucking park, Randy.

We're gonna set up some boobie traps,

we're gonna put some trip wires,

we're gonna take those fucking

talentless little shit bags, fucking shit,

and we're gonna put them in a fucking

And I'm gonna make this great freaking' burger!

A brain burgers, is what I'm gonna make.

I didn't even get a chance

to do it, for frick's sake!

I'm telling you what Randy.

Look Randy, look. Just wait. Look.

Labia and the genitals.

Next show, next, Randy's show.

Randy's gonna present the super bloody burger. Okay?

Okay, Mr. Lahey.

Happy Halloween everybody.

Thanks for tuning in to the Jim Lahey show, and Randy!

You know what? I'm gonna go out this weekend

and I'm gonna make some money just to help out.

I just, I just fucking got Jacob fucking,

20 hours less work a week.

- I, I didn't know you were this fucked up man.

So anyway, I'll go steal you some oxygen, I'll go fucking...

I'm gonna toast...

I'm gonna toast as well.

May as well drink, man.

- I'm gonna make some money this week. I'm gonna contribute.

- That's straight vodka, don't forget, Jacob.

Okay, so..

I'm just gonna take a couple ounces.

You can go back to Trinity,

say everything's cool with them.

Ease up on Ricky, he's gonna help out, Right?

- That was a fucking good match

That was fun. That was fun.

- That was a good match.

Fucking goddamn papaya. Don't even...

So Ricky, you just,

here's something that I just want to point out.

Yes?

Jacob just beat you at Brain Game.

Well, let's go outside.

- You're always talking about how dumb Jacob is,

he just beat you.

I never said, well.

- Okay.

All right.

That's it.

- That's, Look,

I'm happy to end it right there on a high note.

I got nothing else to say.

I need to go bank a few of those hours of sleep.

- Yeah, go get some sleep Jacob.

Actually Jacob, I thought of something we could

probably use your help with this afternoon.

Okay, after we get you some oxygen, which will help ya, so.

No, he's taking the day off, steal him some oxygen to

get his oxygen levels up, and then he gets to relax

and watch a movie.

- That should start tomorrow...

Let me catch a few winks.

There might be some later on tonight, so sleep up.

That went well.

You guys gotta let up on him or he's gonna die.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck off.